Landover Baptist Church Backslides, Endorses Barack HUSSEIN Obama
The world grew a little bit darker today as none other than one of the old strongholds of piety, the good men and stay at home moms of Landover Baptist Church, were officially infected with the Liberal Agenda and quite possibly a full blown case of the atheism.
Upon going to the home page of their world wide web internet site, the following shocking abandonment of faith and all things virtuous is displayed:
LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH FORUMS, the home of TRUE CHRISTIANS™ everywhere, officially endorses the candidacy of Barack HUSSEIN Obama for President of the United States. Our senior Theologians have determined that Barack and Michelle Obama and, of course their children are ethnically Caucasion. He may simply have self-identified incorrectly due to peer pressure at Harvard, but in any case GOD does not make mistakes. We regret any unfortunate jokes that non-Christians may have posted on our forum in the past that might be in any way construed as being anti-Harvard and we feel certain that our tax-exempt status and government grants will continue without interruption.
As all of our community and readers are well apprised, B. Hussein is the devil. Like pharaohs of old who tried to kill all the first born of the children of Israel, Obama’s terror agenda will see newborns stabbed and killed in the head upon birth. Yes, he will kill babies…dead. This is Obama’s favorite form of abortion and quite possibly sacrifice to appease his idols.
Being a follower of a none-true religion, Obama will trick all of your children into worshiping idols in their schools! Your heart should be wildly racing with fear and panic! As we speak, he is seeking to replace the words to the pledge of allegiance with words that support abortion, the homogay marriage and all other sorts of demon-ry.
As we speak, Obama has already started his machinations in making one world government where every poor, slothful person is ensured prosperity just on the basis that they are born. Such work is naturally sinister, yet for some reason Landover Baptist Church has been caught not only endorsing Obama, but also claiming that through Darwin’s EVILOUTION Obama is somehow a new species of white and that he is somehow on a divine mission.
My dear friends, the implication of what has happened to the scribes of Landover Baptist Church shows Obama has already started his dark rise and eventual reign. It’s quite obvious that their senior theologians have been converted to the cult of iniquity and are in need of cleansing.
At this point many concerned readers are wondering how such fervent defenders of the faith have fallen wayward, and our inquisitive friends, mark my words…when you find out your spine shall be chilled.
The pagan Hat of Aretha, as worn by a rightfully afflicted Dick Cheney
Those who sinned and partook in watching the Obama inauguration ceremony were born witness to the singing and attire of one Aretha Franklin, followed by a cabal of instrumentalists lead by Yo Yo Ma. As we know, the purpose of instruments in sacred ceremony is patently sinister and this was no exception. Our resident science expert Dr. Pat Heinkel, who has refuted evolution and proven creationism by the science of faith, has discovered that if you play the inauguration music in reverse, you hear what can only be described as Rock N’ Roll.
Such shiny graven idols (Aretha’s Hat, Mr. Ma’s smugmess) and music should remind you all of a classic movie scene, when Moses was forced to throw the Ten Commandments at the formerly liberated people of Israel.
Our experts inform us that the hat is used to mark high priests in Obama’s church of Soviet Liberalism. By ‘googling’ the term Aretha’s Hat is Everywhere, you can see how widespread Obama’s wicked reach has already spread.
Loyal friends, it’s during these trying times that we must remember that we are indeed living in a time of great suffering and sin. Hunger, disease war, disparity, economic failure and the gay all exist within society. These are all afflictions brought to man by the presidency of Obama.
Many of you today may be too young to remember, but a long time ago the US was under the divinely inspired and sage deciding of George W. Bush. Under Bush’s wise leadership, we brought peace and freedom to terrorists of false creed, had nearly cured world hunger by spreading capitalism and enjoyed a time of prosperity. Now, dark times are upon us.
At this point some people will maintain that ‘George Bush started those things and they always existed!’. If anyone says that, it’s because they watched Obama’s inauguration ceremony, like the fallen scribes of Landover, and now their perception of reality is drunken and perturbed by the wine of liberals.
Do not be fooled, good listeners and readers. Lest you find yourself fallen and deceived with the growing masses of fools.
Let us now look upon what is truly transpiring these days. The rise of Nicholae Carpathia:
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
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8:49 am
Brothers and Sister in Christ,
I am sorely beset by your unwarranted attacks upon Landover Baptist Church©. God has revealed His plan with the events of the last few months. George W. Bush disappointed God with his lack of resolve in bringing a Christian Reconstructionist solution to our Godly country.
With the election of the Antichrist the path to Rapture is now open and clear. It will almost certainly occur within the next 4 years and we will be able to look down from Heavan and laugh at the sinners in hell and thise left behind.
YIC,
Deacon Jethro
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9:12 am
Doubtless the above post by Deacon Jethro puts an end to any controversial ideas from the original article.
You will be pleased to note that, shortly before writing to you and your readers, Deacon Jethro also passed on the message that Landover’s tax-exempt status and government grants will continue without interruption.
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11:42 am
Good friends Deacon Jethro and E. Bathfire, I must admit I’ve been quite taken aback by the events of late in both our nation and even within bastions of morality around the nation. Upon rejoining the fellowship of Landover, I immediately convicted some of your senior scribes of various sins, which includes plagiarizing a sermon of the honorable Pastor Joe P. Reagan.
With so many claiming to be the one true fellowship, then showing evidence of embraced secularism…it’s daunting.
Make no mistake that the ambitions of Barack Obama are sinister! His works are subtle yet powerful. The noble George W. Bush was fervent in his attempts to bring piety and our moral tradition of faith back to America, but the endless machinations of the liberals, Soviets, terrorists and all other sinners tempted the American people to vote for a dark future.
It’s times like these where we must remain resolute in our brotherhood and fellowship. It’s times like these where we must deny evolution, Obama having naught but an evil purpose, and above all else, maintain hope for the future.
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12:22 pm
I have mixed feelings about your message today, Abe. While it is most obvious that Hussein Obama is already making amends with terrorists and doing his best to destroy our nation’s conservative morals and values, it is not prudent to let loose attacks on friends of the faith.
Truly, this is what Obama wants: division amongst those who would combat his agenda of not bringing freedom to the terrorists with moral bearing, encouraging liberal atheism to the masses in America and one dares to imagine what other works he has in his plans.
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4:32 pm
Friend,
The Bible clearly states that ALL rulers are directly appointed by God (Romans 13:1-7). God doesn’t make mistakes. I have faith that this will all be for the good, even if we don’t understand it yet. How about you?
Pastor Billy-Reuben
LandoverBaptist.net
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10:22 pm
Since America is clearly God’s favorite country, it would be blasphemous to assert that Jesus does not intervene in our elections. The plain fact that Al Gore won the 2000 election and yet was denied his office (thank you Jesus!) should be clear enough evidence for anyone with eyes to see.
I will await your retraction and apology.
YIC
Pastor Ezekiel Flint
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9:50 pm
I’m sorry Pastor Jack, but I have to agree with Abe on this one. I just looked at the Landover Baptist Church internet site and I think it’s at best a very liberal church forums with maybe a few moral members. They may have tried to say things to make amends but I think they are really trying to hide their dangerously nonconservative values.
They not only endorse Barack Obama, who supports killing babies, gay marriage and putting our soldiers at risk by working with terrorists, but they are also very, very racist. The Bible says that God loves all people and yet they demean everyone from blacks to Asians through various parts of their site.
God does not hate people but rather their sin. As is the same Barack Obama is an evil man not because he is black (because there are millions of good blacks, whites, Asians, Indians) but because of his extremely liberal viewpoints that go against the mission of our new community here and I dare even say Langley CC. Barack Obama’s values help causes like murder of the innocent and debasing the sanctity of marriage, and no one of moral bearing can stand for such things. It’s just like that gay bishop Obama put into office. Just wrong.
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10:18 pm
It looks like some of you will be eating your words, friends. Obama has got the ACLU all in a tizzy because he is beefing up the Department of Faith, massively increasing funds for faith-based initiatives, and appointing a council of religious leaders, including Landover Baptist’s Pastor Deacon Fred and Pastor Al E. Pistle, to head up an advisory committee to determine how the new funds will be distributed. He’s one of us after all. It looks like God was right (as always) when He put Obama in power. SHOUT GLORY!
http://www.aclu.org/religion/gen/38667prs20090205.html
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3:58 pm
Praise Jesus we are of like mind !
As Christians we believe that the basic starting point is the regeneration of man. Then man takes and applies that faith. For Christians the basic government is the self-government of the Christian man.
The basic governmental unit is the family. This means that every father and mother will be more important in the sight of God than heads of state, because He controls children, property and the future.
The third is the church as the government, fourth the school as a government, fifth your job governs you, then sixth society governs you with its ideas, beliefs and standards, and seventh, one among many forms of government, is the civil government.
Today, we are implicitly totalitarian. We speak of the state as the government. That’s totalitarian. So we have to rid ourselves of such things. The Christian theonomic society will only come about as each man governs himself under God and governs his particular sphere. And only so will we take back government from the state and put it in the hands of Christians.
SHOUT GLORY!
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11:40 pm
Indeed, Pastor Ezekiel, the righteous nation of America is the stronghold of faith, morality and holiness. What we must not forget is the example of proto-America of the Old Covenant, id est, the tribes of Israel.
Though they were the chosen people, their faith and hearts were tested due to their betrayal of the Abrahamic covenant. Much like the growing liberal masses in modern America, the children of Israel started to worship false idols, listen to the teachings of soothsayers and proto-Democrats and even engaged in public acts of premarital carnality.
Instead of casting sinners out of their land, they instead embraced the ways of wickedness and in many cases made it their own. Due to their ways, it came to pass that rulers of pagan creed, in-noble hearts and genocidal tendency were given charge over them. The children of Israel did not have to choose this path, but it’s exactly what they did.
It was only the faithfulness of God, and his loving kindness, that the divine line of Israel and their eventual restoration (started by the wife of Minoah through her Nazirite son Samson) was given impetus and will one day be realized, as they stand side by side with the true nation of morality, the USA.
But we must not let our guard down! The vast Liberal Conspiracy is aimed at turning all of our hearts to wickedness. The reign of Obama will test our faith, as he tries to convince our youth that abortion is alright, convince our workers that the sin of sloth deserves rewards and will talk more of our churches into accepting liberal lifestyle. Will we falter like the children of Israel, and one day awaken to find the standard of false Roman or A-rab idols headlining our nation?
The fate is possible if we do not remain fervent in maintaining our core values, and compelling others to follow the virtuous ways of Conservatism. It is for this, Pastor Ezekiel and our new friend Pastor Billy-Reuben, that you must realize that Obama’s reign in office is not to be a time of lax. Much as Job was tested by the wiles of Satan but yet remained resolute to his values and dedication to service, we to now face an ultimate test as our nation’s leader is shown to be a Soviet, atheist, terror supporter and baby-aborter.
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8:50 pm
Amen! I couldn’t agree more. Which is precisely why Landover Baptist Church has been working tirelessly lo these many years to get the secular U.S. Constitution scrapped and replaced with the Holy KJV Bible as the law of the land.
Here in Freehold we have adjusted our local laws to fit more closely with the expectations God lays out in His Holy Word, because we are commanded by God to obey secular laws. I’ll have you know that we only gave up the Godly institution of slavery in the 1960′s (and that was only because federal marshalls arrived in our community to inform us that slavery had been abolished–We had no idea!).
We live for the day when God calls the shots, not some sinner.
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10:08 pm
So why are you and your followers supporting Barack Obama? His values are not aligned with conservatism.
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