Science Has Invented an Artificially Intelligent Real Touch Robot Vagina
The Item: RealTouch Cyberdildonic Device
Science has finally done the unthinkable and created the prototype for the unimaginable act of robot sex. Yes, friends, the natural end result of allowing the homogay agenda and beyond is finally reaching its natural progression; human beings ‘procreating’ with machines.
This abomination to life is called the ‘Sasha Grey’ or something along those lines. According to its creators (RealTouch), this technological monstrosity is technically called a cyberdildonics device.
Yes, these people are totally making up new words and technobabble for the new deviant perversion.
How Does it Work?
When a person commits fornication by watching a pornographic movie, this device will be rigged in such a way that it mimics the exact movements of the pornographic actress in the movie. The inside of the device is made to simulate the touch and feel of a real live woman, and is nothing short of making a mockery of life.
The true throes of ecstasy shared by a man and woman, women being patently unique in their rhythmic, involuntary muscle contractions that should only be shared with one other, should be found only in the sanctity of marriage between one man, one woman. This device shoots that all out the water, as the expression goes.
For the price of $150, the makers of this device will allow people to get 1) immoral movies 2) fluids 3) the product.
Do not be surprised if crazed liberals eventually try to demand a man and his cyberdildonic device have the right to marry. It’s the course of ‘social evolution’ of where this secular society is headed if we don’t stop this type of weird scientific demon-ry from reaching the shelves of fine stores such as Wal-mart.
Product Rating:
Good Factor
0 / 5
As one could imagine, little to no good can come from such a device. Some false people of morality may claim this device may stop pre-marital relations, but as always abstinence is the proven best policy.
Bad Factor
4 / 5
Pornography and robots! How does technology get any more high-tech and wrong. People are literally going to have relations with their computers. I’m flabbergasted and without words to describe how bad this is for all of us! Several hundred years ago, scientists would have never even considered doing something like this if they had the ability because science was yoked by morality and good conscious.
Any scientist trying to spread this dangerous technology to the public would have been gently placed in a tower to reflect on how they were wrong, much like an errant, mischievous child is placed in timeout. This is why we need morality in science again.
Abomination
4 / 5
Dear friends, let’s have a frank discussion. There is a reason why male and female anatomy is the way it is, and when put together, you make babies. Having a love affair with your computer is not why you’ve been given the seed of life, men. Pornography is drugs for the mind and will ruin your outlook on life. Don’t get lured by the siren call of lust and lewdness. I’m sure a woman’s version of this device is on the way, so women, the same message goes to you.
Spreading Falsities
4 / 5As any person in their right mind should know, you should not go about having inappropriate relations with inanimate objects. It will naturally lead to bad things. If we allow this to continue, there will come a point in society where men and women feel it is natural to want relations with machines.
It always starts small but ends big. What will happen once AI gets programmed with this technology? Bodies? Reproductive material (imagine, science will create robotic men that come prepackaged with sperm). These perversions to natural order will come to fruition unless once again religious councils guide the public into setting an edict for science.
Final Product Rating: 0 – 4 – 5 – 4= -13
S (sinister)
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Jack Gould
Pastor Jack "Jbox" Gould is a local best-selling author, motivational speaker and youth pastor extraordinaire at Langley CC, where his stories about the laid back California life and relations to Jack-in-the-Box bobble heads are all the rage. Email Jack a Question
12:06 pm
Its called supply and demand, call it evil or “homogay” all you want, but the fact of the matter is people will always be interested sexuality, and just like any other aspect of life technology will be there to improve upon it or make it more convenient. Improving life through product development and commercialism is the American way! Just as there will always be newer and fancier bibles to help stroke your persecution complex, there will always be newer and fancier ways to help normal people get off.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
1:54 pm
Don’t worry. If the heathens are fornicating with robots, then they will eventually become extinct. Breeding involves two living beings.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
4:45 pm
you people are idiots its really funny though. and actually no “heathens” wont become extinct seeing as they re normal people these days. just because they use technology. they wont become extinct because we no longer have natural selection. its not like whoever buys this device is gunna marry it and only use it. people have sex with other people no matter how many toys they have and sometimes even use toys with people. shocker! lmao. heathens. u talk like that freak alex at my school. forget it. ur way of thinking is long gone the time of the witches is back. wicca is the fastest growing religion in north america. suck on that bitches!
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
6:23 pm
I bet this guy whacks off with a dildo in his butt, why else would he be so obsessed with other people’s perversions? He’s no doubt compensating for his own immorality.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
6:37 pm
M.E. Talboy responds, “Like we really need more breeding, there aren’t enough homeless children, or kids subsiding only on welfare or in one foster family after another? We should all “fornicate” with robots, then maybe some of these children would be adopted instead thrown away for newer models.”
You’re absolutely right and it’s a very good point you allude to here, though misguided when considering the application of robot fornication, M.E. The number of people who are on welfare, with impoverished children (and some without families) is staggering. It is truly troubling to the heart.
The best way to prevent such things is abstinence. Abstinence will obviously not naturally create a child in humans and will not encourage fornication, especially with objects, like this device. Welfare is another crutch in society that people exploit and use are a ‘failsafe’ for making unwise choices.
It really makes you wonder why the liberals are so against abstinence and domestic fiscal responsibility. It’s almost as if they want this great nation to be torn asunder…
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:04 am
ok fornicating is when you have sex before marriage, this is called masturbation, not fornication, this is hilarious, i was looking for this exact thing when i stumbled upon this hilarity. i am an atheist, get over it, you can not truthfully tell me that you have never masturbated in your life. and also, why is there a tag that says gay?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
7:16 pm
As a concerned citizen, I demand a link to the video
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
8:03 pm
This is quite possibly the awesomest thing I’ve ever seen. Mimics the actions of the women in the movie? As in interactive pornography? EPIC WIN!!
Praise or Condemn:
5 
0
9:32 pm
This is freakin awesome! Where do I get one?
I think I’ll buy a few extras and distribute them around the school.
What kind of movies are compatible? I hope they make all different kinds depending on what kind of mood I’m in.
Also, is there a device for ladies in the works? It doesn’t seem fair to have all the pleasure for men.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
10:12 pm
I fail to see how a robotic vagina, clearly intended for use by men, could be considered part of a “homogay” agenda.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
12:59 am
@Voice of Reason:
maybe two of the things can scissor together… but then that would be homolesbian now wouldn’t it…
guess this’ll be putting dudes’ hands out of work all over the place. oh, the humanity!
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
1:58 am
You actually said “……fine stores such as Wal-mart.” now i know this website has to be fake right??? this is all really a big joke website. right? i mean no matter how ridiciulous republicans are they cant actually believe walmart is a fine store???? WOW just WOW jesus rode dinosaurs too.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
1:09 pm
Pretty sad, this new tech. You would have to be extremely pathetic to run out and buy one of these. And of course this is way worse than the priests giving it to the choirboys up the butt. Damn hypocritical religious zealots.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
1:57 pm
i’m sorry but
“Abstinence will obviously not naturally create a child in humans and will not encourage fornication, especially with objects, like this device.”
but doesn’t fornication with this object then discourage breeding of the evil? You republicans need to make up your mind. What’s the harm of this product then, I could imagine it drastically reducing the number of rapists even
as for abstinence in general.. most abstinence educated students are more likely to engage in anal and oral sex…
this site is a joke, especially if you’re supporting wal-mart
i guess health care is a crutch just like welfare.. why don’t you apply for a job at wal-mart and then let me know how great they are because they pass the savings onto customers by carrying cheap toys with lead and leaky batteries
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
5:25 pm
Your statements have no statistic basis, cry.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:33 am
Women are useless. I’m a real man. I work. Women are useless. Why pay a stupid woman for bad sex when you don’t even care about her when she’s a useless eater that does nothing, and this way you wont have to pay the useless whore anything at all. Welfare, child support, alimoney, foodstamps, etc, etc, etc.
Women need to stop being stuck up snobby cunts living in their own little bubble worlds fornicating with black people or dogs.
If you think this destroys ‘life’ or ‘marriage’ what about seeing a pregnant chick fucking dogs?
This is great. But we need the country fixed.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:19 am
It’s not called a ‘Sasha Grey’ you moron… It’s called ‘REalTouch’ and you can get your very own for only $149.95 Sasha Grey is just one of the many beautiful women you can ‘fornicate’ with via Haptic Technology which plays the touch sensations experienced during sexual intercourse. NICE WORK – have you ever conducted a little bit of reasearch before you write a column? You narrow-minded Bible-Thumpers are ALL THE SAME.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:21 am
you can buy your very own in February at http://www.realtouch.com If you go now and enter your email address we will alert you the moment it is available!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
3:20 pm
Ha Ha Ha, I love how the charlie church’s all find a reason to blame the gays. Considering that ALOT of their priests touch little boys, that seems pretty homo to me. When are they gonna learn that morality died when these things started to happen. If anyone is to blame for it is you, your constant blathering has caused these “gays” to say fuck it and come out of the closet and act like women. Personally i preferred it when they just fucked each other in quiet corners. Now i have to watch them on damn near every T.V. channel. As for this Robo-Pussy, who gives a shit what nerds are gonna do in their closets. If you “normal” people wouldn’t persecute them too, maybe a woman wouldn’t shy away from them so much and they would have the confidence to approach one and be able to “pro-create” with a real pussy. As for the “Pro-creation” with a robotic device, Are you fucking serious, get a hold of yourself. A good point was just brought up to me as i wrote this. This would be a helpful device in keeping perverts away from those lawbreaking actions the take. With the Robo-Pussy there is no need to commit a crime.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:29 am
You are so right, Pastor. I have been fighting against this device since I learned of its development last year, and so far I have been unsuccessful in getting people to recognize the dangers it poses. Your post has given me hope that not all is lost.
god bless,
Julia
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
6:53 am
Finally! A PROPER SEXUAL TOY FOR MEN.
No more buttplugs for me, Imma go out and buy me one of those right now!
BTW: I masturbate, look at porn, and undress all you catholic twats in the streets with my eyes.
Oh, and I’m bisexual. Suck it, churchfags.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
7:06 am
I WANT ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GIMMIE GIMMIE!!!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
3:45 pm
Finally I can have sex anytime I want! This is BRILLIANT!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
4:31 pm
Thanks for the free advertising there Pastor Homofag! (wtf is homofag anyway?! and youre talking about how others make up words… shame on you!)
By ranting about this device you have done only one thing: made a free commercial for people that otherwise would have probably never heard of the Realtouch. And I can guarantee that they’ll be buying it and you are the one they can thank for showing it to them! So, the only thing you really did was promote this groundbreaking device for free to an audience of sexually repressed idiots that thanks to you now know of a new way to have sex without a girl! Not that any of you asexual losers could ever actually make it with a willing girl to begin with. Hey, at least devices like this one may prevent some of you from becoming rapists!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:15 pm
When are they making this for women! Men always get things like this first.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
2:28 pm
Finally!!! I can save money on melons!!! Them things are EXPENSIVE!!! And it’s a one-time-use kind of deal, too…
Thank GOD!!!!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
4:47 am
ONLY A 4/5!? ON ALL ASPECTS OF RATING?! WOE BE UNTO YOU AND A 100000000 SHAMES PLACED ON YOU. THIS SHOULD BE RATED AS A BILLION/5, ON ALL LEVELS. ITS DISGUSTING AND WILL CAUSE HORRIBLE COTASTROPHIES ON SOCIETY WORSE THAN JEHOVAHS WITNESSES. THE MEN WHO USES IT WILL THROW ITS USED CONTENTS AT ALL OF YOU IN THE STREET, HOW LOVELY (SARCASIM).
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
4:00 am
dam man, send one of those to satan, ha hasnt got laid since 947382749218 years before my birth
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
4:14 am
This is great!!! Could have used one an hour ago…my hand is tired…hard to type this now.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:16 am
one big questions…where can i get my hands on this and for how much!!!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
5:01 pm
if Jesus where alive on earth today, he would buy two of these
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:32 am
“Abstinence will obviously not naturally create a child in humans”
Well said. Now that you’ve accepted the fact that immaculate conception is not natural and could not create a child, can you please return your KJV Bible and
pick up a copy of Richard Dawkins “The Blind Watchmaker”..
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
6:46 am
Enjoying your body is completely normal and within God’s “normal” standards. Otherwise God woudn’t give us hands to use as tools for that.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:32 pm
awesome
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:01 am
A closed mind is like a closed book, just a hunk of wood…
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:57 pm
I own a RealTouch and it is simply amazing! Incredible sensations and such a leap forward in technology. There is nothing wrong with using this device, anyone that thinks there is simply is a moron. Too bad this device wasn’t around 2000 years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth, right?? freakin idiots…
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
2:01 pm
Like we really need more breeding, there aren’t enough homeless children, or kids subsiding only on welfare or in one foster family after another? We should all “fornicate” with robots, then maybe some of these children would be adopted instead thrown away for newer models.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
2:29 pm
Unless we heathens with our super satanic sperm can demonically impregnate the robots and so give birth to the ultimate being – Mecha-Satan!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:13 pm
I too, was very, very, very concerned and did my duty in researching what I thought was a joke. Turns out it is not.
http://www.realtouch.com/
I’m fapping to anticipation of spending my $150 to this.
(Sorry some warning that link is probably not where you christies want to go clicking).
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
10:07 am
Women were lucky enough to get the Sybian first.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:39 pm
And Mecha-Satan can then breed with Superman, a ninja, a gorilla and Maddox… And thus Chuck Norris is born.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:17 am
my bad, i found the price
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:50 am
Atheism once again births blind idiocy. The immaculate conception was divine. There are other places in the Bible, as well, when God ordered the wombs of women to be with child (though not his Son nor the same means as Mary).
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:47 pm
You sir are what I like to refer to as my favorite person
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0