Top 7 Hipster Songs Your Teen Will Love
Hipster Rap Gangster Vanilla Ice is one of the many new dangers to your kids.
After a very encouraging morning service yesterday, I decided to stop by the local grocer to grab a few pints of praline ice cream for the family to enjoy. Exiting my car, my mind, body and spirit was suddenly shaken with the most forsaken sounds on the planet.
As if taken by a tragic earthquake, my head and heart were jarred about with no remorse. Audacious audibles set upon my ears all sorts of unclean liberal urban horrors: curse words mixed with explicit references to premarital relations, promotion of deviant perversions and sullying of the American language with all sorts of improper usage.
Upon peering into the car, I saw a group of young convert hoodlums…naught more than mid-teenagers…partaking in sinful cigarettes and of minds that were clearly infected with by all the hateful language from urban lifestyle celebration music.
Parents, I tell you this today. Do not let your children fall from the right path much as those little boys in that car. Though they should have most likely evidenced the values of a suburban conservative upbringing, their minds were warped by the siren call of urban impropriety.
There is a misconception out there on the streets, that people of the faith are out of touch and cannot ‘keep it real’ or be hipster. I’m hear to tell you, parents, that you must show your kids and their peers that they are wrong. The genre of music known as The Urban Hipster-Hop has countless goodies for your young teen to enjoy. This week, introduce them to some of the following artists. They will love it and ‘bump’ it in their autos.
Holy Top 7 Hipster Songs Your Teen Will Love
7. Who’s In Da’ House, JC!
The first video in today’s review should by all rights be number 1, based upon the criteria of hipster-hop. It features well rhymed verses, improper use of language and a very rhythmic back-beat. The clothing fashions in this video are known in the vernacular as modern street gangster wear, or the styles your young teen wants to emulate as it’s the latest trend mainstream hipsters like M.C. Hammer, Heavy D and his ‘boyz’ or a LL ‘Cool’ J wear on sinful tv channels like BET and MTV (which you should have blocked).
It’s because of Carman’s impressive and somewhat uncomfortable level street knowledge and display that this video must rank at number 7. It’s a bit too raw, uncensored and real to street gangster lifestyle.
6. Baby Got Book
A common feature of urban music is encouraging the exploitation of the bodies of young women. As from the song that assaulted my ears yesterday, the words of these street gangsters are truly horrific.
This following song is what’s called remix. On the Top 40 airwaves for young inner city youth, a song that’s currently popular is called ‘Baby Got Back’. It makes very immoral references to a woman’s gluteus maximus and the proportion of fat stored about it. Truly troubling.
This song turns all that around and puts a young man’s focus on wear it should matter. Your teen boys will definitely share this song with their friends and bump it when they go out for malts and such after youth night.
Truly special, though the young lady in the beginning should have worn a jacket of less sinful color than red.
5. Don’t Cuss
As mentioned, one of the primary pitfalls of urban culture music is that it will inspire your kid to curse. You know that cursing leads to things such as domestic abuse, divorce and addiction to pornography…so it’s important to teach instill the value of not cussing into your teen. The following video discovered by my good friend Tyson Bowers is beyond being very neat and perfect.
4. The Abstinence Rap
Oh, yes, this one really kicks that cool up a notch with an Afro-Caribbean style. Number 4 on today’s list comes from our friends at Dance Hall Gospel.
One of the greatest perils facing our youth today is the temptation of premarital relations. It’s wrong, naturally, yet widely encouraged by the liberal media. They teach our youth that alternative perversions or simply ‘wrapping it up’ will suffice. As we know from extensive scientific studies, even when using condoms you have a 90% chance of catching the AIDS and other STDS, and young women still get pregnant 58% of the time.
Unless you want your kids to contract AIDS, have a bunch of babies and then die before they graduate high school, it is only responsible to promote an abstinence only policy. This anthem is perfect and will embed into the mind of your teens.
3. Act Like A Christian
Ah yes, next up is some local flavor from none other than our favorite, The Pastor Mike himself. Simply put, act like a Christian is as good as it gets. As always, ThePastorMike impresses the youth.
For the ‘cholos’ out there, be you wily illegal visitors from Mexico who sneaked here or naturals, this one may especially reach out to you. Todo lo que respira alabe al Señor!
2. Addicted to Jesus
There are many different addictions your young teen can face this day and age. In high schools across the world, your teens are tempted to do dangerous things like read too many comic books and smoke behind the bleachers.
These deviant behaviors are natural gateways to toxic adulthood addictions such as drugs, homicidal tendencies, domestic abuse, extortion and pornography.
There is one addiction, however, that will save your life and give you the best ‘high’..an eternal high. My friends, are you A to J?
1. Gospel Ganstaz – I’ll Be Good
The following video was a recommendation of Pastor Jbox himself. At least week’s youth night, Jack introduced these to his youth. He said it was described as both ‘tight’ and ‘crunk’. Already teen and morally approved, here is the sure hit I’ll Be Good by the music team Gospel Gangstaz.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Pat Heinkel
Pat Heinkel is the senior church organist for Shellington Pres., where he also proudly serves as a volunteer firefighter, distinguished lecturer and has the town's (maybe region!) largest collection of Coleoptera. Email Pat
11:23 am
“Hipster Rap Gangster Vanilla Ice is one of the many new dangers to your kids” LOL new danger to your kids?! have you been under a rock for the last, oh, 20 or so years? Maybe instead of promoting fear and lies, you should do your research. You say that the music is bad and they were partaking in “Sinful cigarettes” well I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but humans have been cultivating tobacco to smoke for thousands of years (yes I said thousands, as in more then 2 thousand) I was brought up in a non-religious house hold. Now i know all of you are going to gasp and have a heart attack but rest assured that even though I don’t go to the same unnecessarily big building once a week doesn’t make me a bad person. I think you guys (all religious sectors) should stop looking for the passages in the bible that justify your skewed view on this planet, and start reading the book for the lessons it teaches. LOVE THY NEIGHBOR, im sure the bible doesn’t give a distinction between who it is you should love as thy neighbor, but I doubt it’s discriminatory. I think if you are going to misinterpret the bible it should at least read “Love Thy fellow Human regardless of their views” Well that’s my rant.
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12:05 pm
I’m having trouble deciding if you are a troll or not.
troll?
best be trollin?
dont feed the troll?
obvious troll is obvious?
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12:07 pm
Wow! What great videos!!
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2:49 pm
Best troll evar! yous gais is tha lulziest website on the whole interwebz.
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6:01 pm
Are you a time traveler from the 80′s?
this is the most ridiculous thing ive ever seen
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6:26 pm
i am not a scientist. however, i do know enough about science that when you make claims like:
“As we know from extensive scientific studies, even when using condoms you have a 90% chance of catching the AIDS and other STDS, and young women still get pregnant 58% of the time.”
you need to include a citation for what these scientific studies are and who did them.
heres how it’s done:
studies published by the FDA in 1997 have demonstrated that the unexpected pregnancy rate with condom use is estimated to be at 14%. http://www.fda.gov/Fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html
i’d really like to see the documentation for your claim that even with condom use there is a 90% likely hood of catching “the AIDS”.
i’m still honestly not sure if this website is a comedy site or not. i really sincerely hope that it is because if people are really as stupid as the author seems to be, i will have lost all faith in mankind.
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8:19 pm
I just can’t figure out if this website is satirical or not. Your writing style implies that it is satirical. Yet at the same time, you could just be incredibly naive, innocent, and ignorant of practically everything that has happened in oh say the last 30 years or so. These videos you have put up, DO NOT, represent modern hip hop, the art form has come a long way from Mr. Vanilla Ice ice baby. Also, in almost every article I read you spout off these insane facts like:
“One of the greatest perils facing our youth today is the temptation of premarital relations. It’s wrong, naturally, yet widely encouraged by the liberal media. They teach our youth that alternative perversions or simply ‘wrapping it up’ will suffice. As we know from extensive scientific studies, even when using condoms you have a 90% chance of catching the AIDS and other STDS, and young women still get pregnant 58% of the time.”
Yet, you do not once cite any actual evidence, statistics, surveys, reports, research documents, and experiments. So one could assume you are just trying to instill fear into the minds of gullible people. Except it is the Internet, and this entire website might just be one big practical joke.
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11:53 pm
Wow. . . you guys don’t get out much, huh?
“As we know, even when using condoms you have a 90% chance of catching the AIDS and other STDS”
Notice:
1) ‘the AIDS’ – no one would ever say ‘the AIDS’ in 2009, especially not someone that apparently knows how to use the internet. obviously a joke
2) 90% chance of contracting AIDS during protected s e x. just think about that for a second. . . So, 9/10 people who have had sex (w/ or w/o condoms, since they apparently do nothing) should have known STDs. If you don’t have an STD, everyone you know prbly does. No author would ever seriously believe that.
This one sentence should show you the intent, and most of the other ones do too. Unless you are under 15, yikes. . .. .
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11:16 pm
look either your retarded or else your a troll
bless you …
CSB Note: Refrain from using the Lord’s name in vain when linking url site titles. This is a warning. Thank you.
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11:18 pm
I would like to thank you for this list. I will be looking into these hip hoppers so I can buy some CDs for my kids. Thank you again.
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5:21 am
i think it is quite humerous that you still mention “Vanilla Ice” as a popular artist. Vanilla Ice stopped being popular around 15 years ago. Perhaps some names like “Timbaland”, “Soulja Boy” and “Yung Joc” would be more appropriate. As a true, freedom loving american, I would not accuse these songs that “Tempt”
teenagers into pre-marital sex as immoral. As a land of the free, we should not be denying our children their freedoms and should, instead of hiding the truth behind abstinence-only education, we should be teaching students how to use contraception. It has been proved that Abstinence only education does NOT work, a simple look into teenage pregnancy rates these days will confirm that. We need to stop shielding students from their god-given freedoms for the sake of a couple of christian students. We can teach all those who want to know how to use condoms, and for those who do not wish to have pre marital sex then they can ignore this. If these christian students are true to their faith we should be able to trust in them that they will not have pre marital sex. There is no need to force students to believe our ways, the goodness of god should be enough.
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10:17 pm
i think if i ever caught my son listening to this christian rap i wouldnt stop the kids at school making fun of him, heck id even mock him when he came home,
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4:04 am
I’ve read a couple of articles on the website and wow, I can’t believe how deluded you are! First of all, you seem to’ve started this article with a very popular view of “urban” music (It can be made out in the sticks too y’know) that it’s all guns and ho’s, well that’s wrong to begin with as I listen to hip-hop that is about love, loss and general life, not slinging crack. Secondly, why do this? It will not affect anything, you’re idea that this could cause pre-marital sex is foolish as that started way back, waaaaay back, in the times of ancient greece and maybe even before but there aren’t any records. If anything, you are the one attempting brainwashing, making people live a life of solitude and boredom, simply because you feel that you have to.
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6:38 pm
I’m shocked that you’re promoting this kind of “music” for impressionable Christian youth. “Popular” style music inflames the senses with its insistent beats and sexual rhythms, whether it has “Christan” lyrics or not. Why, I knew a girl who attended my church with her family since she was a little girl, who one day inadvertently heard some local youths from another (NOT Bible-believing!!!!) church playing this secular-style “popular” music. Her mind was so afflicted by this she was seen holding hands with a boy! Her parents, of course, were horrified. Luckily, they caught her in time to beat it out of her, but who knows what could have happened.
Classical music is not safe, either; for example, Beethoven’s music was recognised to be dangerous even when it was first performed, as men were not willing to let their wives and daughters hear music which could rouse passions which the female mind is incapable of controlling.
If you let your child listen to music like that in the videos above, you risk starting them on the slippery slope to listening to secular artists such as Will Smith (and worse!).
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12:37 pm
wow i must say…this is gaaaaaaaay in every what this is gay! Im just sayin it cause i feel like it…i think satan just took over my body and is making me say this is gaaaay lol!!!! listen to some real music dip shits!!!
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1:37 pm
omg i feel my brain liquefying..
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5:08 pm
This might be the funniest site I’ve ever read. I’m about 80% sure that our author is a satirical genius–or laughably, perplexedly, and woefully ignorant. Either way, cheers. I haven’t had a laugh this good in days.
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5:20 pm
May I dare to suggest that you write a step-by-step guide detailing the methods and benefits of christian homosexual orientation detection and eradication? Everyone should know about C.H.O.D.E.s and what they can do for young gay men.
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3:51 am
As a young Christian of nineteen years, I can’t believe how incredibly ignorant this article is. Are you serious, Pat Heinkel? I can’t take you seriously. Do you actually think any of these songs are representative of modern music? I can assure you that you’re totally clueless. You don’t even seem to have realized that ‘hipster’ denotes a completely different character in today’s society. And are you telling me wearing red is sinful? Do you attach THAT much symbolic meaning to a color? Your beliefs come across as bordering on superstition. And what of what the men wear in these videos? Wife beaters?! Oh no! How could a proper Christian walking in the Light wear an article of clothing called a wife beater?! And I wasn’t aware that reading comic books led to committing violent crimes in adulthood. If this is true, then the book of Revelations – and much of the Bible for that matter – must encourage equally abhorrent actions. Oh, and smoking a pack of cigarettes is just as bad for your health as eating a cheeseburger from most fast-food joints. Are you going to tell me that eating a cheeseburger is just as much of a sin as smoking? Any child would be totally alienated from normal society by listening to songs like this. Brainwashing youth and prohibiting them from thinking for themselves is only a disservice. If anything, teach your children to be free-thinking individuals, otherwise they won’t be able to function in a sinful world. And don’t be so elitist that you scoff at what you call the “sullying of the American language with all sorts of improper usage.” Have you ever read poetry? Modern music stems from a millenium-old poetic tradition in the English (that is, not American) language. Poetry does not require the use of proper grammar, nor does everyday colloquial speech.
You, Pat Heinkel, are a radical, heavy-headed, and narrow-minded counterfeit Christian. Don’t be so self-righteous. I love the color red, I read plenty of comic books when I was younger, and I occasionally enjoy R-rated movies (gasp!). I was educated in a public school where alternative measures of birth control were taught, yet I was able to make a personal decision to remain abstinent. I consider secular literature from all time periods to be a cultural treasure. My girlfriend is agnostic. I listen to secular music, but I have never used any drugs, I have no criminal record, and I think pornography is quite distasteful. I love to travel and immerse myself in foreign cultures that are not always traditionally Christian. I speak with an accent that is characteristic of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and sometimes I employ colloquial speech patterns that some speakers of American English cannot understand. I attend one of the most liberal small colleges in the nation, and I love it. Are you going to tell me I am not a Christian? Are you going to tell me I am not saved. At this point, you’re probably assuming that I’m simply young and ignorant of true Christian teachings, considering you seem to assume a lot of things. I happen to be able to read Greek, Latin, and some Hebrew and I’ve studied the Bible intensely. I am very aware of what it teaches. It appears to me that you don’t have a very good understanding of the world, probably because you haven’t experienced much of it. (Yes, now I’m making assumptions.) Maybe you should try to understand other people before condemning them. That is how you reach people’s hearts.
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7:50 pm
Are you an absolute idiot? These songs suck. I’m a 14 year old Athiest and NONE of these make me want to believe in religious mumbo-jumbo any more than I already don’t…
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8:26 am
42. Useful info. Lucky me I discovered your website unintentionally, and I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t happened in advance! I bookmarked it.
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1:44 am
Can I just say what a relief to find some one who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.
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6:32 pm
Yes, nameless wonder, I felt the same as you when writing this piece for parents and their kiddies. While the Afro-beats and style do seem to be from another time period, rest assured that these ‘musical’ selections are representative of the style that’s popular among our youth today.
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3:57 pm
But what about the homoerotic ass licking? I want some cock gobbling in at least one of them
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12:40 pm
did anyone notice how this is the perfect site to go on and ramble about absolutely nothing when you get completely wasted? I know that sounds kind of “low life” (don’t feel like putting that in a grammatically correct sentence) but hell! after the party and 10 big whoppers and your still not tired, hell why not?
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9:59 pm
Who is Will Smith? I’ve not yet heard about this danger, but certainly would like to find out his M.O. so we can warn others about him as well.
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8:12 pm
wow I hope this is a joke. If its not, I didn’t know the amish were allowed to use computers. lady go kill yourself or if you dont want to do it post your address and ill come do the world a favor!
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8:07 pm
Wow your an idiot if my parents gave me this crap even in the late 90′s i would have A. Killed myself B. killed others C. both A and B D. all of the above plus drinking and unprotected sex
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11:26 am
AIDS is an acronym that stands for the state or condition of having the virus manifested as Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome. The is a proper qualifier for such a condition, and I pray that we soon find a cure.
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