• Top 7 Hipster Songs Your Teen Will Love

    January 26, 2009 10:10 am 29 comments
    Hipster Rap Gangster Vanilla Ice is one of the many new urban-influence dangers to your kids.

    Hipster Rap Gangster Vanilla Ice is one of the many new dangers to your kids.

    After a very encouraging morning service yesterday, I decided to stop by the local grocer to grab a few pints of praline ice cream for the family to enjoy. Exiting my car, my mind, body and spirit was suddenly shaken with the most forsaken sounds on the planet.

    As if taken by a tragic earthquake, my head and heart were jarred about with no remorse. Audacious audibles set upon my ears all sorts of unclean liberal urban horrors: curse words mixed with explicit references to premarital relations, promotion of deviant perversions and sullying of the American language with all sorts of improper usage.

    Upon peering into the car, I saw a group of young convert hoodlums…naught more than mid-teenagers…partaking in sinful cigarettes and of minds that were clearly infected with by all the hateful language from urban lifestyle celebration music.

    Parents, I tell you this today. Do not let your children fall from the right path much as those little boys in that car. Though they should have most likely evidenced the values of a suburban conservative upbringing, their minds were warped by the siren call of urban impropriety.

    There is a misconception out there on the streets, that people of the faith are out of touch and cannot ‘keep it real’ or be hipster. I’m hear to tell you, parents, that you must show your kids and their peers that they are wrong. The genre of music known as The Urban Hipster-Hop has countless goodies for your young teen to enjoy. This week, introduce them to some of the following artists. They will love it and ‘bump’ it in their autos.

    Holy Top 7 Hipster Songs Your Teen Will Love

    7. Who’s In Da’ House, JC!

    The first video in today’s review should by all rights be number 1, based upon the criteria of hipster-hop. It features well rhymed verses, improper use of language and a very rhythmic back-beat. The clothing fashions in this video are known in the vernacular as modern street gangster wear, or the styles your young teen wants to emulate as it’s the latest trend mainstream hipsters like M.C. Hammer, Heavy D and his ‘boyz’ or a LL ‘Cool’ J wear on sinful tv channels like BET and MTV (which you should have blocked).

    It’s because of Carman’s impressive and somewhat uncomfortable level street knowledge and display that this video must rank at number 7. It’s a bit too raw, uncensored and real to street gangster lifestyle.

    6. Baby Got Book

    A common feature of urban music is encouraging the exploitation of the bodies of young women. As from the song that assaulted my ears yesterday, the words of these street gangsters are truly horrific.

    This following song is what’s called remix. On the Top 40 airwaves for young inner city youth, a song that’s currently popular is called ‘Baby Got Back’. It makes very immoral references to a woman’s gluteus maximus and the proportion of fat stored about it. Truly troubling.

    This song turns all that around and puts a young man’s focus on wear it should matter. Your teen boys will definitely share this song with their friends and bump it when they go out for malts and such after youth night.

    Truly special, though the young lady in the beginning should have worn a jacket of less sinful color than red.

    5. Don’t Cuss

    As mentioned, one of the primary pitfalls of urban culture music is that it will inspire your kid to curse. You know that cursing leads to things such as domestic abuse, divorce and addiction to pornography…so it’s important to teach instill the value of not cussing into your teen. The following video discovered by my good friend Tyson Bowers is beyond being very neat and perfect.

    4. The Abstinence Rap

    Oh, yes, this one really kicks that cool up a notch with an Afro-Caribbean style. Number 4 on today’s list comes from our friends at Dance Hall Gospel.

    One of the greatest perils facing our youth today is the temptation of premarital relations. It’s wrong, naturally, yet widely encouraged by the liberal media. They teach our youth that alternative perversions or simply ‘wrapping it up’ will suffice. As we know from extensive scientific studies, even when using condoms you have a 90% chance of catching the AIDS and other STDS, and young women still get pregnant 58% of the time.

    Unless you want your kids to contract AIDS, have a bunch of babies and then die before they graduate high school, it is only responsible to promote an abstinence only policy. This anthem is perfect and will embed into the mind of your teens.

    3. Act Like A Christian

    Ah yes, next up is some local flavor from none other than our favorite, The Pastor Mike himself. Simply put, act like a Christian is as good as it gets. As always, ThePastorMike impresses the youth.

    For the ‘cholos’ out there, be you wily illegal visitors from Mexico who sneaked here or naturals, this one may especially reach out to you. Todo lo que respira alabe al Señor!

    2. Addicted to Jesus

    There are many different addictions your young teen can face this day and age. In high schools across the world, your teens are tempted to do dangerous things like read too many comic books and smoke behind the bleachers.

    These deviant behaviors are natural gateways to toxic adulthood addictions such as drugs, homicidal tendencies, domestic abuse, extortion and pornography.

    There is one addiction, however, that will save your life and give you the best ‘high’..an eternal high. My friends, are you A to J?

    1. Gospel Ganstaz – I’ll Be Good

    The following video was a recommendation of Pastor Jbox himself. At least week’s youth night, Jack introduced these to his youth. He said it was described as both ‘tight’ and ‘crunk’. Already teen and morally approved, here is the sure hit I’ll Be Good by the music team Gospel Gangstaz.

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    About The Author
    Pat Heinkel Pat Heinkel is the senior church organist for Shellington Pres., where he also proudly serves as a volunteer firefighter, distinguished lecturer and has the town's (maybe region!) largest collection of Coleoptera. Email Pat

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