• Hot Topic Clothing Stores Infected My Girl With The Harlotry

    February 13, 2009 8:55 pm 141 comments

    Today my heart was filled with great sorrow and I am so very livid, as a clothing store named Hot Topic has infected my baby girl with the evil spirit of emulating a harlot.

    This all started last weekend, when my precious little girl was visiting home from college asked if she could borrow the car to pick up some of her old friends and go shopping at the mall. Thinking they were going to a fine, upstanding clothing store such as Talbot or Macy’s, I was very happy to lend her my car and of course give her my credit card so she could stock up on a new wardrobe.

    As I was taking her to the airport the next day, she remembered to give me my credit card back and I asked her what neat sorts of outfits she managed to find. “Good, tasteful stuff, Dad”, my little blonde angel said.


    One of the many shocking Dirty Shirty pictures that cast my heart into a parental rage

    It’s also important to understand that this is not the first time Satan has tried to seduce my girl into improperly showing off her body. Some time ago, the sodomites at a tshirt company named Dirty Shirty beguiled my little girl into becoming a tshirt model for them, which after I found out I immediately flew out to her school in California, burned all the immoral merchandise with which they lured her and then properly gave them all a piece of my mind. I thought there was closure to all this, but not at all.

    After the grievous pains my heart was forced to endure, I thought I’d never again see anything worse than those Dirty Shirty tshirts adorning my daughter. But such was not the case.

    When getting back home from the airport, I found my wife visibly upset. I went to see what was wrong, thinking perhaps she had burned supper or even worse the apple pie I had instructed her to make for dessert.

    But no, she had found receipts and one sack that my daughter forgot to pack up. In it was a very immoral black stringy outfit, one you would expect to see adorning the body of a Vegas street walker.

    There was also very unnatural blue and pink hair-dye in the sack. Seeing all this I was pretty sure my daughter may have been caught up into some liberal Californian cult, and figured this Hot Topic place listed on the receipt may have something to do with it.

    Dracula Pictures, Images and Photos
    Approximation of the male shopper that scared my heart at Hot Topic that fateful night.

    Alarmed, my wife and I found the address to this store…which lead us to our local mall.

    Friends, I tell you today. I’ve never been so frightened in my life. The store speakers were broadcasting weird music, the type that if played backwards would surely brainwash you into worshiping false idols. The shoppers in the store were young and adorned with spikes, impious make-ups and one boy was even wearing fangs and a cape.

    After seeing such things my wife fainted and I helped her onto a mall bench. We immediately called my daughter and will be flying up to California to discuss what sort of cult she’s been tricked into joining now.

    All I know right now is that that Hot Topic store scared me, and we need to get to the bottom of all the stuff I saw them selling in there.

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    About The Author
    Pat Heinkel Pat Heinkel is the senior church organist for Shellington Pres., where he also proudly serves as a volunteer firefighter, distinguished lecturer and has the town's (maybe region!) largest collection of Coleoptera. Email Pat

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