Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate?

Amber
• ChristWire
February 28, 2009 8:43 am427 comments


Send your advice questions to Amber at askamber@christwire.org

Dear Amber,
I first want to say I’m a really big fan of your work on ChristWire and really enjoy your insight into our world’s pressing issues. The question I have for you today is really embarrassing, but I hope that by asking it here I can help other parents out there too.

Some time ago my daughter forgot to take her laundry from the dryer before taking off for volleyball practice, so I folded them up and went to put them up for her in room.

When I reached in her undergarment drawer and I will be frank, my heart dropped as I found one of those electronic phallic objects in it. They are used to ‘M’ and I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I thought to ask my husband, but didn’t want him to have to go through the embarrassment and anguish of such things. I instead asked several of my close girlfriends, some of who are not Christians, and some of them said this was a normal part of a healthy teen’s lifestyle.

The night I decided to talk to my daughter about all this, I heard well…I heard reason to not go in the room. I believe she was using the device then. Is this really alright behavior for a good girl or do I need to confront her? Please help!

- Concerned in San Diego

Dear Concerned in San Diego,
You need to immediately take that sinful device from your daughter. Masturbation is another form of pornography that will infest your daughter’s mind and serve as a gateway to far worse sexual activities.

Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.

Masturbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body, and it will not be long until she begins to envision other people partaking in the deviant behavior with her.

This will of course lead to your daughter seeking out a male companion, or even female. As a teenager, your daughter’s mind is not yet developed enough to handle the pressures and responsibilities of being sexually active. It will lead to great sorrow in her life if you don’t put a stop to it right now.

So first, have a talk with your daughter and pray with her. Pray all that sinful desire of masturbation right out of her heart. Throw the device away, and then enroll her in some abstinence counseling sessions. These will teach your daughter the value and need of respecting her body until marriage. Masturbation is very unnatural and by taking proactive steps to get this bizarre behavior out of your teen’s life, you’ll ensure she has a better future.
-Amber

Hi Amber!

Help! I’m currently trying to impress a young lady that I’d like to ask to my spring formal. She’s truly special and I thought that maybe asking her on a few dates ahead of time, then showering her with gifts would warm her heart to me so when I ask her, she’ll well know my intentions and heart. Any suggestions on what to do in particular would be great. Thanks!

M.B., Maryland

Hi MB!,

Young love is truly exciting and what you’ve planned to do sounds truly wonderful. I suggest many, many chocolates and don’t just ask her on dinner dates. Mix it up! Ask her out to breakfast or lunch. Learn her interests and then set up a date or two that revolves around those too. Do things as friends and let your relationship progress from there.
-Amber

Dear Amber,
My family are very devout Christians (I don’t even know if there was a generation of ust that wasn’t) and my father is also a pastor. I recently met a charming boy who I love dearly and in my heart I feel we can really go great places together, he’s wonderful.

The problem is that he is Muslim and my family do have a problem with trust, call them very patriotic. How do I explain to my family that they have to get to know the person and not judge on outside prejudice?

- Wisconsin girl in love

Dear Wisconsin Love,

Your parents love you with all their heart and are looking out for your best interest. Many people do not realize this, but the threat of Homegrown Terrorism is very, very high and every neighborhood may have an American jihadist traitor lurking about.

Jihad USA: Confronting the threat of homegrown terror is an excellent piece that will open your eyes against this very serious threat to America and potentially to your life.

Imagine the sorrow in your parents hearts if this young man is one of the hundreds of millions of Muslims who could potentially be working with homegrown terrorists, and he did something to harm you. Would that not be a cruel fate to place on your parents?

That is their concern, Wisconsin Girl. When you’re young it’s really easy to want to combat your parents and not take their word to heart. But know they are always looking out for your best interests and something in their guts is telling them, “no, no, no”.

So talk to them more about their views on terrorists in America and ask the young man about it too. If he becomes upset with you asking and gets offended, run! He may be guilty. Your parents love you and someone else does too, Wisconsin Girl. :)

- Amber

Dear Ms. Cooper,

My son loves video games! I know that there are many bad games out there that cause violence in our youth, but my boy really loves playing games (arcades, handheld, computer) and is a tech wiz. My wife and I would like to get him a really nice new gaming set and television for his upcoming bday (his grades are really awesome too) and feel he would appreciate it. What games can we get to go with his gift?

Jim R., S.D.

Dear Jim R.,

It is great to hear about your son’s grades and to also know that you and your wife are reinforcing his interests and achievements with responsible parental glee. Today too many parents buy entertainment systems for their children without properly taking review into what their kid’s are getting for their personal computers and video gaming machines.

I should also mention that many video games do indeed inspire the desire for violence, terrorism and hedonistic acts in teenager. Therefore you should surely limit your son’s gaming time, even when playing a good Christian reviewed game, to no more than three or four hours per week.

Also remember this. For every hour your play, two hours you pray!

Your teen will love the extra prayer time and video games can be great fun for the entire family as well. My family recently bought the Wii and we are enjoying the Wii sports options on it.

There are also two great sites you should look at!
Christian Centered Gamer
Plain Games
Guide 2 Games (Though some of their reviews are a bit too secular and do not use enough scrutiny)

These sites are invaluable when looking for new (or old) gaming options for your teens.


If you would like to ask Amber a question or for a word of life-enriching advice, simply email AskAmber@christwire.org.

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427 Comments

  • Pillow pants the pussy troll FTW

    If this daughter of yours is old enough you should record her masturbating and upload it here for us to decide if it’s good or bad

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 146 Thumb down 21

    • Good idea!
      If this mother thinks she’s having trouble now imagine what will happen when pillow pantsis peed outof her body on her 21st birthday!
      Masturbation is totally normal. Go on redtube.com , you’ll see! You might also see your daughter ;)

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 78 Thumb down 7

    • This makes me absolutely sick to my stomach… sexual desire is an absolutely normal part of humanity, yet you seek to do psychological harm to a child by robbing her of that. You religious fundamentalists truly make me sick. I’ve been tolerant of religion for a good part of my life, but after reading this and articles like it, I’m convinced that you people and your fairy tales need to go.

      Be realistic. Everything you believe comes from a book that is 2000 years old. There are books both older and younger than it which are more popular. The only reason you believe it is because at some point in your life someone took you in, and it was most likely your parents. If you had been born in another part of the world, you would most likely not be Christian.

      If you believe in basic logic, you can easily derive a contradiction from your religion. Your god is good and created everything. Yet, evil exists, which means he created it, which means he is not good.

      Men wrote the Christian Bible. These men lied about talking to god. Everything you believe came from these men, and they continue to deceive you even today. Face it, everything about your bible: the translations, the printing, and the original authorship, are all works of men.

      By living in the world today, you rely on science, plain and simple. Scientists are men who observe the natural world in a meticulous fashion, they are not evil. Science has brought the world nothing but good: modern medicine, mass farming, communication systems, basic electronic devices. There are mountains of evidence in favor of science. You cannot pick and choose the parts of science that you like.

      Centuries ago, scientists postulated that the Earth was not the center of the universe, which was a major threat to religion. As a result, religion adapted by passing off the story of how the world was created as just a story not to be taken literally. We are seeing the exact same thing today with evolution. Don’t let religion adapt again and persist. Pick up a math or science book, anything to sharpen your mind. Realize how foolish it is to base your life around such a simplistic book written by men, when the universe is so vast and complex. There may be a God out there, there may not be. Christianity is a lie, created by men who lied about talking to God. It is dangerous to society, and it makes fools out of us. Please, I beg of you, wake up.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 119 Thumb down 20

      • I know most everything on this website is stupid, and very racist. I still don’t agree with you condeming several billion Christians around the world for being just like Amber. Yes their are people who think and say stupid things like Amber does, but they are not the majority. You don’t need to condemn all Christianity. So you don’t beleive fine. You keep your beliefs and we’ll keep ares. The very foundation of American today is suppose to be tolerance. Maybe you could try praciticing that.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 35 Thumb down 38

        • I have ONLY met Christians who are stupid, hypocritical, liars, brainwashed-idiots, unthinking, non-logical and, when you get down to it, just plain nasty.
          I have NEVER, EVER, EVER met a Christian who followed the Bible who was nice, who didn’t invade other people’s privacy, who didn’t love to be Holier-Than-Thou (whilst all the time sinning like Hell) etc. etc. etc.
          And WHEN I SAY ‘CHRISTIAN’ I mean the ones who actually FOLLOW the Bible and quote it and regularly go to Chrust at LEAST once a week and who FOLLOW EVERYTHING the idiotic Religion says you have to do – INCLUDING ALL of the contradictory bits.
          There are people who CALL themselves ‘Christians’ who don’t bother to do all of that stuff – and they are NOT REALLY CHRISTIANS!! They can’t be – they’re not FOLLOWING their Religion.
          The liars who call themselves Christians when they don’t do any of those things can sometimes, or even often, be nice people…. but the ones who DON’T do all of that stuff and who really ARE Christians – well they are (to use an over-used word) basically evil and manipulative, selfish, over-bearing, morally broken and warped.
          I use the word ‘follow’ because real Christians can’t and/or won’t think for themselves. The ones who do really DO have a choice – they can be good or bad as far as generalised morals go.
          Lady – you are rude and very, very wrong. Prove to me there is a REAL Christian who is nice and I will give you anything you want. I will pay you whatever you like if you can prove there is a real Christian who is a nice and holds to good morals. I know you can’t prove this to me.
          Show me a REAL Christian and I will show you an unthinking, incapable, illogical, brain-washed, downright simple and plain idiot.
          I have said to many people prove this to me for years – noone has ever been able to show me a ‘good’ and REAL/GENUINE Christian.

          If you don’t do all those things the Bible says you have to do then you’re not a real Christian.
          If you do do all of those things you are a terrible, terrible person.

          I don’t pity you – I pity the people who, for no fault of their own, have to have you in their lives.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 24 Thumb down 12

          • WellWTF1 and Binky, I am an intelligent, thinking, and educated Christian. I understand your frustration with the many people who call themselves Christians. Please know that this site does not represent the faith nor the Bible well if at all. Over and over I see made up stats, false claims, and moral superiority on here. The contributors to this site apparently have no clue as to the issues surrounding prostitution, only they hate prostitutes. I am concerned for the well-being of people who no one cares about and that is what being a Christian is about. I am reclaiming the title from those who hate, those who do not think, and those who only care to force other people to feel guilty all the time. Hopefully you will meet a Christian like me who actually cares about people without any conditions.

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 23 Thumb down 8

          • I think the same can be said about all religious extremist. I say that people should live their life as they see fit ans if they see fit to be arrogants, idiotic, bible-following dung-heads, then we can do nothing to change them. I’d rather show a way of living to my kids than to throw them in a goddamn (ironic isn’t it?) religion.

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

          • ITS SATIRE

            Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 2

      • This MUST be one of those “Onion News” kind of web sites … there is not way the answers given here are real … FOR SURE, this is NOT a CHRISTIAN website … maybe Catholic, but NOT Christian … but my thoughts are that it is a parody website, making fun of the media stereotype Christian.

        Just look at some of the other “topics” on this site …

        Is My Husband GAY?

        I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People

        Why Do Hippies Still Exist in America?

        How To Spot A Masturbator

        Fake. Gotta be. How to spot a masturbator … LOL! IT is funny!

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 19 Thumb down 1

      • It’s d NATURE of God’s love that it’s GIVEN with d FREEDOM 4 us to ACCEPT IT, REJECT IT or MISUSE IT.But there are no CONDITIONS in which God’s love is not GVEN,it is Unconditional. Such Awesomeness.:), He still loves you no matter what. For the record am an Aerospace Engineer,who had a Dad that did not believe in Religion. lol We know men physically wrote the words with their hands, but what you can’t get is the spirit of God which inspires all,am sorry to say that you can’t understand this if your heart is shut.I can go on forever but You need to read the bible, and i don’t mean like a novel, a journal or a story book, but read it with an open heart, RELAX. And relax life is too beautiful to be stressing. :) . Check out my tweet please (PrinceSegs). And don’t forget you have free will. And if you want to chat more let me know, lets talk, lets view each others point respectively. Peace.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

      • FIRST of all, God did not create evil. Satan is the basis of all evil yet when God made him he was a perfect angel in charge of music. ONLY after becoming jealous and vain did he become evil. Now you blame a just God whom the Bible says no bad can come from God.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 2

        • So Satan deviated and became evil? God should probably not have let that happen. if he allowed it to occur, then he is an awful god. and if he could not stop it from happening, then you have just argued against the omnipotence of your own deity.

          Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 2

    • ROHAN RAMPASSARD

      MASTURBATION IS SIN. GOD MADE ADAM & HIS WIFE EVE. THE MAN USES HIS HAND TO SIMULATE WHAT HIS WIFE’S VAGINA WOULD DO. THE WOMAN USES HER FINGER/S OR A “DILDO” TO SIMULATE WHAT HER HUSBAND’S PENIS WOULD DO. HOMOSEXUALS MEN DO MASTURBATE OTHER MEN & HOMOSEXUALS WOMEN DO MASTURBATE OTHER WOMEN. THE WORD UNCLEANESS REFERS TO ANY POLLUTION WETHER ACTED OUT ON ONE SELF OR ON ANOTHER.MASTURBATION IS NOT NATURAL SINCE GOD MADE PROVISION IN THE UNION OF MARRIAGE. THE PERSON’S HEART NEED TO BE SUBJECTED TO THE WORD OF GOD & GOD WILL PURIFY YOUR & MIND.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO6PVQ7hefU. JESUS SAVES ROMANS 10:9-13;PSALM 32:5.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 129

      • is your caps lock stuck or something?

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 105 Thumb down 2

      • Dude, you should probably read your Bible a little better. The story of Onan, which was really the story of Judah and Tamar, is the only place where we God being displeased with masturbation (Genesis 38). Now why would God be displeased with Onan’s masturbation? Read the story, in ancient times if a married man died and he had brothers, it was his brothers’ responsibility to give him an heir. This was called Leverite Marriage. If a woman was not a virgin in her father’s house or the mother of sons she had no other acceptable position in society (other than shame) but to be a prostitute. So when Judah sent Tamar away, he was divorcing her from his clan and sending her back to her father in shame. Tamar’s shame was a direct result of Onan’s masturbation. If Onan had given Tamar a son, she would have been accepted as a respected matron of the clan, rather than viewed as a burden. Fortunately, the story ends with redemption and Tamar becomes the mother of twins. The Bible is clear that God is displeased when we hurt others, not when we masturbate… though, as the story indicates, sometimes we can hurt others when we masturbate.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 4

    • LOL SMILEY FACE LOL RAPE FACE

      EXCUSE YOUR LANGUAGE YOU FAKE CHRISTIANS, BUT IF YOU TOUCH YOURSELF, IT SHOULD BE IN PRIVATE, NOT FOR MOMS TO KNOW SERIOUSLY. jEEZ MOMS CAN BE SERIOUS PREDATERS.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 24 Thumb down 4

    • I read the first reply containing “Dear Concerned in San Diego,
      You need to immediately take that sinful device from your daughter.”:

      Yeah, you do that… take away the phallic-shaped OBJECT and make her start looking for a REAL one.
      Because that’s what happens.
      She would already want the gratification, and if she doesn’t have her “device” anymore, guess where she’ll start looking then!

      Sure, you don’t NEED a “device”, but maybe using her hands only wouldn’t be enough anymore then.
      And it’s not natural?!?
      If that’s so, God shouldn’t have made it possible to masturbate and especially not built the human body this way.
      It’s perfectly natural, you use your body and it’s how your body reacts, isn’t it???

      The question is, if it’s OK to do.
      But saying things like it’s unnatural and such is just ridiculous.
      That doesn’t sound Christian, it sounds Catholic…
      And I’m not a Christian! I’m technically Catholic but I’m not even a believer.
      Also, my girlfriend is a true Christian, although not an American one, she’s OK with it even though she doesn’t even do it.

      Also, “bizarre behavior”…???
      It’s HUMAN, so what kind of DEMON are you Amber???
      YOUR behavior is what pisses me off in religion.
      You think you know everything just because you’re a believer and want to be a good girl and be with God right away.
      I think you need to get control over yourSELF and not tell nonsense to people!

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

  • re:
    “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.”
    [CITATION NEEDED]

    could I have the name of the studies or the researchers in question?? or at least the school/organization responsible for those studies? I would greatly enjoy reading it.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 78 Thumb down 1

    • Hmn. Okay. Yeah. I must be a part of that small 10%. I’m 18 years old and have a one year old son and I’ve never once masturbated. >.>

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 27 Thumb down 9

      • MacsenWledig

        Perhaps if you HAD mastyurbated you wouldn’t have a 1 year old child at age 18? Just sayin’.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 75 Thumb down 2

    • Leon Bloomgren

      I too would like to see this study. I believe, however, that to ask for anything concrete and real from this ignorant, ugly, un-American, un-Christian hate-mongering whack-job would be a useless endeavour.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 33 Thumb down 2

  • “…did so because of masturbation loosened their morals…”
    Guess what, genius! If a claim have bad grammar/mechanics, there’s a 95% chance that it isn’t credible. Re-read it again. There’s no logic behind it. God, use your head, man.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 0

  • Patrick.....Ireland

    RE
    Hi MB!,

    Young love is truly exciting and what you’ve planned to do sounds truly wonderful. I suggest many, many chocolates and don’t just ask her on dinner dates

    …………………………………………………………………….
    Great advice, if you like spotty fat chicks…….. lol fatten her up….. lol

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

  • You know, I found most of the answers to these questions alright. The only one that I was truly offended by was the one about the young Muslim. Let us first realize that Islam is a religion extremely similar to Christianity. Both are Abrahamic faiths and although Islam can be very radical or extreme, Christianity can be interpreted that way too. What the author has a problem against is not Islam, but the apparent culture of violence she sees in Islamic states in the Middle East. Now while this may be a valid observation, Muslims are not inherently violent, especially if they are not around that enviornment of violence seen in the Middle East. I have a couple Islamic friends and they are so genuinley nice. They have no inclination to be violent because they are surrounded by American culture and American laws, not Shari’ah law or an Islamic culture. The author’s fears are extremely irrational and I think that girl from Wisconsin should decide to be with that boy if he is kind and respectful, not if his religion has been propogated for violence on the other side of the world.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 35 Thumb down 4

    • Angry Reader

      I agree with Bill, this writer is obviously a very close-minded American, and assumes that being Muslim means you have a higher chance of being a terrorist. This is really, REALLY sad.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

  • Hello,

    This has been stated, but, this site seems to have authors that say things have studies to back them up, but never cite the study. You really need to do this. While your average citizen may think, oh well if the internet said it, it must be true. However, I am learned and know that citation is critical.

    The woman who wrote in about masturbation, its not called “M”, its called masturbation, it is a verb, it is an action, it is fully okay to say in the context of describing someone’s actions, there is not a more tasteful way to say it. Like dick, or penis, one is acceptable (Actually the scientific terminology), one is vulgar.

    ALL MUSLIMS ARE NOT TERRORISTS, this is a PSA to the people of Dumbfuckistan, the Koran is very, very, very, very, very, similar to the Bible, the stories are different, but the messages and morals are the same. Also, how many Crusades were launched by Muslims?

    Also, video games. Some are very violent. However, they are fantasy. Your son has the ability to become just as intelligent (By the way you describe him, he might already be smarter than you) as his parents. If you can differentiate between fantasy and reality, so can he. If you are really worried, then sit him down and explain to him that games such as GTA4, Halo, Gears of War, etc. are fantasy, and that running about killing people isn’t the best thing to do.

    Also, how can you pray for two hours for every hour of play? Do Chrisitans do anything but pray? God has other shit to do than listen to you blather on for hours on end. Actually, what might drive him to madness is having to sit around praying to a God which never truly responds for hours on end.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 41 Thumb down 4

    • i wish that wwe can talk about what you posted. i have relations to people in Isral and am planning to vist Jerusalam next year. in light of what this person has openly segested…it is needless to say that i am shocked and distraught. i honestly felt sick when she catagorized my ansistors as just blood drunk mass killers. i feel that this stuff must be reported.

      ps, i live in Western Australia, and before you might consider me biased, half of my family are chatholics

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 3

    • for the crusades part Muslims did One crusades actually ( well not really crusades ) but its was even against the christian catholic on Jerusalem their leader was Saladin Other than that I don’t know how Many crusades they did

      but actually it’s was not a “crusade” it’s was more a Liberation of Jerusalem

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 4

    • LMAO!!!! “Dumbfuckistan” I CRACKED UP READING THAT!!!!

      Amber, you do know that actually 62% or something like that, of young girls who are prostitutes are actually FORCED INTO THAT TRADE.

      “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication. ”

      Because you stalked these women and recorded these stats right??? Yeah, I’m pretty sure you just made those up off the top of your deluded Christian head.

      You are so very wrong. Masturbation is a natural urge that is completely healthy and by no means has ANY connection to prostitution. It doesn’t even make sense!!

      Most teen pregnancies are caused by personal reasons…such as abuse or not feeling loved, urges, being forced into it by their boyfriends, curiousness of sex, to be rebellious,peer pressure, and things like that.

      Masturbation helps to FIGHT sexual urges!!! Don’t tell me you would rather have that woman’s daughter going off and banging some guy than just taking her little vibrator and pleasuring herself B Y H E R S E L F. There is a huge chance that she could get pregnant by having intercourse, whereas there is a 0% chance that she could become pregnant by masturbating, and THAT is no made-up statistic.

      It’s none of her mom’s business if that girl masturbates. I bet she did it too when she was her age. Hell, I’m 16 and I masturbate for HOURS after I get home from school, and is it any of my parents business? No. They should be glad I’m not actually having intercourse.

      MASTURBATION ROCKS!!!!!! F*** OFF CHRISTIANS!!!!!

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

      • “whereas there is a 0% chance that she could become pregnant by masturbating” well actually 99.9999 percent when considering the virgin mary

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  • upset at fake christians

    you do realize you’re spouting off hate rather than the love of Christ right?

    HYP-O-CRITE

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 3

  • Though in retrospect and having read the article, I can honestly say, what in the fuck, is the point of waiting until marriage? You don’t get married to someone you don’t love, hopefully. In a genuine marriage, you get married BECAUSE you’re in love. So if you’re truly in love, why wait until marriage? It makes no logical sense, and it’s just an obsolete way of keeping the peasants in control. Get up off your bended knee and please, for fuck’s sake, get some common sense. Virtually all of the answers were horrible and are examples of how not to live.
    And if your goal is that, then my hat is blown off by you, master of showing us all how not be if we don’t want to be close-minded jackasses

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 4

  • I have just read this page and have to say that I am extremely concerned that people would ask this Amber person for advise. I am a Christian, and a Registered Psychiatric Nurse, and I am appalled at the fanatical bull this lady is spewing.

    First off, if you are a Christian Amber, where are the quotes from the Bible that support your responses? Secondly,you site statistics, but they obviously aren’t credible, otherwise you wouldn’t be afraid to post the references for your statistics (never post a statistic unless you can back it up). Thirdly, Christianity is about love, not hate, but you’re reply to Wisconsin girl in love, was racist.

    Quite frankly, I find almost everything on this website fanatical and scary. I apologize to any one that this person and this site offends, because both Amber and this site are poor examples of what Christianity is supposed to be.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 2

  • ‘Concerned’, I have a teenage girl who is off in college and I’ll be frank. I worry about her safety day in and day out. Since she’s been off to school, despite it being a private institution, I’ve noticed a distinct change in her clothing and habits. A tshirt company even convinced her to do some modeling for them.

    Despite all this, I think one of my biggest concerns still has to do with outside influences on the American race and culture. Homegrown terrorism is very real. I was not aware of its presence until a very heart-shocking report on it last year. The article linked by Amber up above only confirmed the worst of my fears.

    There are young people here in America who are attempting to undermine our culture and values. If a young person’s parents feel that their daughter may be in danger from such an influence, what right does anyone have to question the parental authority. I agree with Amber’s advice here and have a problem with anyone who would just let their children fly off and date whoever the want, without proper review and scrutiny.

    Nowhere did she till the young lady from Wisconsin that the boy was 100% a terrorist. She told the girl to be honest and talk with her parents again, to find out why they feel she’s in danger. Amber also instructs our friend here to ask the boy if he’s a terrorist.

    I’d like to add to the young lady in Wisconsin, if she’s reading, that if you do ask this boy DO NOT do it alone. Have friends with you or ask over the phone. Such a question could result in conflict, especially if he’s guilty.

    Wisdom is needed when dating these days. That’s how you stay safe.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 36

    • A terrorist?

      Yes, we’re in your country taking it over with our evil Metal Music, Drifting cars sideways, and our wicked wicked ideas of being free. I oppose ‘Christian’ legislation, Of course I also oppose gun control, income taxes, licensing, and just about everything government does.

      Or maybe that’s just me. Just remember kids, a terrorist is anyone who doesn’t agree with the US government.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 2

  • Jim the Incredulous

    This site is pretty funny. Nicely done. You’ve got some dipstick fundies buying it, keep it up.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 26 Thumb down 2

  • ya’ll niggaz is posting in a troll thread

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 2

    • YOU FUCKING HOMOPHOBiC PIECES OF SHIT
      YOU HAVE ANGERED THE ATHEISTS OF /B/
      HOW DARE YOU DAMAGE A GIRL’S SEXUALITY BY NOT ALLOWING HER TO MASTURBATE?!!
      IT IS A COMPLETELY NORMAL PART OF HUMAN GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT
      THESE RACIST, SEXIST, ORIENTATIONIST REPUBLICAN FUNDAMENTALIST CHRISTIANS NEED TO GO DIE, THEN MAYBE YOU WILL REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO GOD
      THERE
      IS
      NO
      GOD
      GOD IS A LIE
      WAKE UP AND SMELL THE GODDAMN COFFEE

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 9

      • First of all, I can’t say I’m really surprised to find an ebaums brother trolling the shit out of this horrible place.

        Secondly, rules 1$2 asshole.

        Sure is summer in here.

        Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • You see I met Amber when she was just a young prostitute on the come up, sucking dicks for twenty-five cents behind the Dairy Queen, letting truckers finger her for a candy bar, and doing all anal latino cum-swapping gang bangs with the “Vatos” from Los Locos de Pinche Rio. Amazingly enough Amber had never really considered getting a real pimp before, a man who could show her the true nature of the streets, put some real scratch in her hand, and, provide her with a proper daddy. So I took it upon myself to add young Amber to my herom, and I will admit this was all very odd for me, since most of my herom consisted of young nubile males at this time. Amber was a real go getter, and not to mention one hell of an earner for me! It’s almost like she couldn’t get enough cock. She put that money in my hand in a way that really spoke to me, “Even though I’m not one of your chosen 22 male slaves, Daddy, one day I will suck enough cock that Jesus will love me as much as he loves you!” What a smart bitch!! She has since dedicated the rest of her life to blowing enough phallus to make that big cum-dumpster in the sky, jesus, love her. I know as her pimp and spiritual guide, that I should explain that jesus isn’t real, and just a silly parable for governments to control stupid stupid fucking people, but, she makes so much money that she was able to fund my gay wedding last November in Boston. So, I can think of one little strumpet, that better keep that bitch ass on the track, and but some mo’paper in daddy’s wallet, or else, back to the Dairy Queen with you you fucking whore!!!

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 27 Thumb down 5

  • VykosKostnos

    In the 37 Unholy Names of Yigg, Snake Daddy,
    I declare this site to be funny…
    unless it is serious…in which case
    I will the small brains of those running
    it to collapse, shatter, and break
    to the four corners of the
    very flat earth
    in which they believe.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 1

  • Yigg is Great! Yigg is Great!
    This site, however, is not.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  • This is seriously messed up…. Telling someone to suppress their feelings about their own body will only lead to them making mistakes down the road. And terrorism is not lurking around the corner in every neighborhood in the U.S. Your neighbors are NOT terrorists. Quit writing this religious propaganda and get a real job.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 0

  • “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

    - Mahatma Gandhi

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 50 Thumb down 1

  • Dear Amber,

    Why did God allow you to be born retarded?

    Love,
    Me.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 39 Thumb down 1

  • maybe having priests masturbate would save young children from being molested?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 42 Thumb down 0

  • Tyson Bowers III

    STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE I’M COMMENTING!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 6

  • “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication. ”

    Talk about being a straight up liar with statistics. Studies also show that 98% of prostitutes have had a drink of water in their life. Also, 96% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers have worn bras. Furthermore, 100% of women who become sexually involved with other women know the proper name of their genitalia. Need I go on?

    Correlation does not imply causation. Feel free to read more about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Correlation_does_not_imply_causation

    The shameful thing is using these statistics as a lie to further your personal agenda. You should be ashamed.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 34 Thumb down 0

  • This is the worst advice I think that I have ever heard in my entire life. Based on this one response to a plea for help I can say that Amber is an immoral and uninformed bigot who is herself a victim of religious indoctrination. It is a sad state when people who have ties to the church are given moral authority when they have no more qualification to advise on family matters than anyone on the street.

    Right off the bat she is asking the woman who is in need of answers to tell her daughter that she is sinful. What a way to start her down the road of guilt and sexual dysfunction before she ever begins. Masturbation is NOT a form of pornography and is NOT unnatural. In fact every animal on the planet engages in some form of it. There is absolutely NO evidence suporting her hypothesis that it infests our minds or that it is a gateway activity to ANYTHING but furhter masturbation, an increased comfort with her body, a more developed sense of her sexual desire and perhaps she might in fact be LESS inclined to have sex too early as a result of being more connected with herself sexually.

    I would like to have her cite these studies that she quotes because no social science institution would ever put such ideas out for public and peer critique without fear of ridicule.

    Teenage pregnancy is NOT the result of mastubation, and this is either a blatant lie to support her religious “morality” or it is a gross misunderstanding of a real statistic.

    Humiliating her by confronting her, calling her deviant and sinful, invading her privacy by throwing away something that belongs to her and then arming her with lies and religious propoganda will do nothing but stunt this poor girls growth and I am shocked that people such as she can be called upon to give parental advice. I sincerely hope that she has no kids of her own, because such a person could never hope to provide the guidance that a parent is called upon to do.

    The first advice that I can give this woman is to have a heart to heart about her daughters sexual activity if only to decrease the worrying that she is going through. She has to be allowed to do as she will, but she needs to be armed with the moral fortitude and the correct intellectual information to be able to make informed and mature decisions on a very mature subject. Other than that, you have to trust her and back her up in the decisions that she makes in her young and impressionable life!

    Peace

    PS-SHAME on you Amber!!!! SHAME!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 27 Thumb down 1

  • Again I must start and finish with “SHAME” Amber, SHAME! You are most certainly not qualified on even the most basic of social issues. Saying that you can’t date a mulsim because he might be a terrorist is like saying that you can’t date a white male because more serial killers are white males. You choose Islam because it is an easy target and because you are a victim of racist fearmongering.

    Parents should screen ALL boys coming into their daughters life, and that screening should be based on the individuals actions towards their daughter, NOT racial bias that will only serve to either tear apart their relationship with their own offspring, give her a reputation as a racist because you clearly are, or set her down the road to racism too. Judgements should be made from facts, and not fear, evidence, not knee jerk reactions, and love for your daughters best interest.

    Her best interest is to be involved with a respectful, intelligent and loving boy, not to be presented with distrust, racism and bigotry.

    Grow up and join the rest of the civilized world moving forward towards harmony. Stop dragging people backwards in time to the moral stone ages merely because you have the ability to abuse your religious authority and have them do so.

    Peace

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

  • What is with you religious nutjobs? You have to control every aspect of someone’s life, lie about your motivations, manipulate simple minds, keep people in the dark about science, and generally promote a recidivist agenda. Leave the kid alone and go check on who your local priest is spending time with instead.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 1

  • I just don’t like the lies about the stats about prostitutes. That is just horrible you have to lie to your readers amber.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 1

  • I think other commenters covered this in a decidedly more violent way that I would, but I’ll just add a bit.

    Kids tend to rebel more the more they are tied down. Some rules are definitely necessary, but if you try to tell someone that masturbating is a sin or that their crush might be a terrorist I can pretty much guarantee you that they will be lastingly hurt.

    You can’t control them unless you physically restrain them, so you had better teach them well and show that you trust them to make good decisions.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • “Masturbation is another form of”…”sexual activities.”
    “Masturbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body”
    “Masturbation is very”…”natural and”…”she has a better future.”
    -Amber

    There. I edited it. Its better now. Thank Amber!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 22 Thumb down 1

  • aluminumangel

    I love that so many people fell for this. I had a good laugh myself.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  • Ha ha ha, Christwire.org what a pool of retards. Yeah, if your daughter masturbates she has an 87% chance of becoming a prostitute.. oh dear god. STUPID FUCK!

    askamber@christwire.org needs a LOT of hardcore porn pics, are you with me? (Also looks like she does Mature Men porn in that picture.. love it!)

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1

  • 84% of sinful people are catholic

    See I can make up statistics that mean absolutely nothing too!

    And if the person who asked the question was for real, go ahead and take it away if you want your daughter to hate you and move away from your “Faith” even more.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  • If the daughter gets a Dildo in the shape of a cross, would that make it better?

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

  • enlightened one

    This site is hilarious! I love it.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

  • My word.

    Your guise of morality is hilarious.

    What you do is damaging. You’re the evil you seek to root out of society. You’re harming the good. Suppressing basic human sexuality leads to people like Ted Haggard… that is a great “Christian” story right there.

    The fact that you think what you’re giving is “advice” is somewhat frightening. I’m so glad most civilized nations are moving far, far, far away from religion in all its forms.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  • I see many mean-spirited and insensitive comments here. Is that really necessary? For those of you who email for advice, please refrain from all the nasty cursing and linking bad images as well. It’s not very nice.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 36

    • successfultroll.jpg

      Fap as much and as often as you want ladies. (My personal advice)

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

    • Their hate is no worse than yours. You are a discredit to your religion AND your political party. You disgust me.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  • Reading all this just made me want to masturbate

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 3

  • I_"M"_ToYourDaughter

    This has got to be a joke right? Like that lady on yahoo answers talking about finding gay porn in her sons room and deciding that his girlfriend brought it over?

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  • Tyson Bowers III

    Amber, we can just pray for all of them

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 16

  • This site cannot be real. I’m looking at the bottom where it says “Powered by Values, Morality, Conservatism”…this has to be a joke right?

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

  • This is not a real Christian website, it is a PARODY of Christian sites. It is supposed to make you laugh, not get mad. The mean, hateful suggestions that Amber gives each article are meant to be making fun of Christians.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

    • disgusted at fake christans

      “HOW MANY OF YOU RACIST, TERRIBLE, STEREOTYPICAL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE THERE? It’s rather depressing actually, how awful it is that people like you still exist.”

      I agree 100%

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

    • disgusted at fake christans

      Just keep on spewing forth your hate, God will make you pay when the Day of Reckoning arrives.

      Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 10

  • You sit and mention that why can’t a Muslim be a white male and call the replier a racist when you clearly talk negatively about Muslims in the way you replied to the answer. I’m just saying, the way you worded your reply means that regardless of the persons race if he is Muslim he is a terrorist and if he “gets offended” then he may be guilty.

    “What I find shocking is how many people this day and age think being Muslim is a race.

    Your example is horrible because I white man, just like any other race, can be a Muslim. Muslim is not a race.”

    Clearly you think that anyone who is Muslim (regardless of race) must be a terrorist then. Amazing at how some people think.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

  • If this is truly a parody site, I have so much respect for you.

    But otherwise… I could maybe order one of those Jesus butt-plugs for you? Not sure.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  • Deeply_offended

    Amber,
    I am pained by your ignorance and complete and total distrust in humankind. You are openly racist and are imposing your morals will often diverting from the askers original questions to create terrible falsely supported arguments.

    If there is a God, I hope she (being a woman and black of course) smiles down on you.

    much love,
    Deeply_offended

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 2

  • Ok, first off, let me say that I disagree with EVERYTHING this idiotic, racist, fearmongering individual is saying. I love gaming, fornication, masturbation, and I am an atheist. Also, I have many Muslim (also racially Middle Eastern, just to be clear) friends, who are, in all honesty, more patriotic than I am, a white non-believer. However, let me say further that I have a healthy respect for any religion or individual that does not try to push its/his/her views on others. For example: The headmaster and founder of my school is one of the wisest and most intelligent people I have ever met. He is also a Christian pastor. He is not, however, intolerant, racist, bigoted, or mean. He hired a Buddhist as our school chaplain. He was in the civil rights movement. He has personally hired 3 homosexual teachers in our school (2 of whom are some of the finest people I have ever known). Also, he regularly invites other religious leaders to our school to tell us about other religions. He has never once tried to tell any of us that if we don’t convert to Christianity, practice abstinence, and pray, we will go to hell. Oh, and he isn’t a creationist, he is an “enlightened” Christian. So, you see, there is nothing wrong with religion, if an individual wants to believe in a god to feel like there is something/someone watching over them, more power to them. But as soon as they try to force their god onto others, they are in the wrong. So for you people that say that ANY AND ALL religion=intolerance and hate, shame on you. I will argue for logic and sanity (naturalism) any day, but I am more than capable of admitting that the wisest person I have ever known believes in a Higher Power.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 4

  • This is either genius satire or you people have lost your minds.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1

  • Amber Cooper

    Masturbating is so bad! I stopped when I started having buttsex. Glad I don’t sin anymore.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 2

  • SWEET JESUS this is the worst advice column I’ve ever read. It would be comical if it wasn’t so frightening.

    When I read columns like this, I am reminded that half of the population has an IQ below 100. I started attending university (studying Sciences) when I was 15 and effortlessly floated at the top of my classes. My IQ is above 160. Statistically, out of every 1 million people, there are about 15-20 who think at my level; Amber, you know that pity you feel when you encounter someone who is mentally retarded and perhaps confined to a wheelchair? That is how I feel about you.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 3

  • Amber,

    if there is God, you’ll go directly to hell for ruining the lifes of naive people, based on information from 2,000 years old books and ideas from the 19th century.

    I pity you.
    h

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

  • These comments make me giggle with gleeee!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  • Ah and I would _really_ like to have the source to this awesome study, which claims, that 87% of prostitutes have become one because of masturbation.

    Feel free to use the bible as a argument, but don’t lie to the people to make your point. Lying is also a very bad sin, Amber.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  • Oh jeez. The Muslim one got to me. The masturbation one made me laugh. This has to be the worst advice column I have ever read. Seriously, you have issues. I can refer you to a psychiatrist if you want, I have a friend who may be able to help you (without using the Bible, or other fictitious historical texts).

    Next we’ll be using other fairy tales to live our life by. I’m thinking the Flying Spaghetti Monster could be an option, but I reckon you’d get sick of eating pasta eventually.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

  • Amber,

    People like you are quite dangerous, even more dangerous then AIDS and herpes combined.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

  • @mark,
    I have both the AIDS and the Herpes, combined. I can faithfully say that you are correct, Amber is indeed more dangerous.
    Amber is like running with scisors, through a mine field, in Crocs, whilest eating pop rocks and drinking coke.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  • Amber, I was praying with a crucifix, and I accidentally the whole crucifix.
    Is this OK?

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  • Amber my love, just try to be logical with your answer and…..

    wait, you are far beyond logic ^_^

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • Mike Breytenbach

    Hi Amber

    I suspect you are lying about the “studies” you quote. Please post full references to all studies that you refer to.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • amber, will you marry me?

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

  • you need to back the fuck off and let her do what she wants

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 4

  • Studies show 94% of christians have been brainwashed with fairy-tales right from birth.

    Studies show 94% of christians have been brainwashed with fairy-tales right from birth.

    Studies show 94% of christians have been brainwashed with fairy-tales right from birth.

    Studies show 94% of christians have been brainwashed with fairy-tales right from birth.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 4

  • P.s.: i prayed for my sins too… with a crucifix deep inside my pussy.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 4

  • Studies show ONE HUNDRED PERCENT% of christards have been brainwashed with fairy-tales right from birth.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 4

  • Christpuncher

    Amber, you’re a closed minded bible thumping idiot, but you’re not too horrible looking that I wouldn’t give you the old in out in out. Nudge nudge wink wink. You spout all this crap about masturbation being sinful and evil, and I’ll bet that you’ve never had your pussy eaten. I’m a master of the cunnilingus, and would gladly demonstrate to you my clam eating prowess. I’ll bet after 10 minutes of me munching your rug, you’d toss your bible in the trash. If you’re especially lucky and deserving, I’ll even give you the ass to mouth. I’m sure you’d particularly enjoy that.

    Love ya

    CP

    P.S. AMEN!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

  • Amber, you seem to have posted a non nude photograph of yourself. I suggest you post tits immediately, or kindly get the fuck out.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

  • Christpuncher

    TIT OR GTFO!!!!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • ITT: Trolls trolling trolls trolling christfags.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • thread needs moar CP.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  • You are what is wrong with this world. Go die in a hole you dirty whore3.mpg

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

  • tl;dr

    ITT: /b/tards trolling christfags
    and
    christfags being tards.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • I approve of this thread.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • THERE IS NO GOD DUMBASSES!!!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

  • You know why there is a threat of home grown terrorism in the US, other than our failure of a foreign policy and our destructive war started under false pretenses which claimed the lives of around a million of people while displacing countless of millions of others while tearing the social fabric of that country?

    It’s because of fuckheads like you who alienate muslims and make them feel as though they’re not part of our nation. You ostracize them and treat them like shit. I mean who wouldn’t love a country which kicks them out of their shops and calls them derogatory terms all the time? I mean fucking Christ, I sure as hell would love the nation which makes me stand for half an hour extra every time I want to board a plane simply because my name sounds a bit suspicious….

    So fuck you, you racist close-minded piece of shit. You are the cancer of our nation.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • see, “religulous” whether you’re brainwashed or not.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

  • Ashamed of Christianity

    I Used to Believe… what remained of my belief died right here. reading Amber’s replies to these questions.
    What sort of being powerful enough to create an entire universe will damn us all to eternal pain if we don’t play his cheerleader?

    What kinda of being makes us with the internal desire and need to mate, then claims it is wrong.

    And if he was truly so all powerful and knowing, why the motherfuckinghell does he have retards like Amber representing him?

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

  • Common Sense

    Websites like this make me sick… Masturbation is normal, Dating is awkward, Muslim is just as crazy as Christianity, and Call of Duty is the best game (Your son wants that one).

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 2

  • dear amber,
    people like you make me sick. Are you so ignorant that you believe that just because some muslims are terrorists, all muslims must be terrorists?

    fuck you

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • captain badass

    dear amber

    why are you such a fucking idiot??

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • masturbation is not a crime or a sin.

    I think it is sad that no one has spoken about the utter hatred toward women this whole thing has shown.

    First of all, this young girl might have no idea everyone on this site is talking about her personal time to herself.

    Second of all, her mother has complete lack of respect by bringing this subject up with a perfect stranger. Just because you are her mother and don’t understand your child and are not able to have good and healthy communication with her is no one’s fault but yours. Maybe if you decide to treat her like a human with emotions, feelings and a body she might actually talk to you.

    Third of all. If you think masturbation is a sin, check yourself out. It is clear in the book you call the bible.. you know the one you love so fucking much! you can see the toothpick in someone else’s eye, but you can’t see the pole in your own. first look at yourself and what you have done and then you can go pointing fingers at whoever you want.

    Fourth: prostitution is not a sin either. So what if your daughter would like to prostitute herself its HER FUCKING CHOICE!!! Jesus loved the prostitues, one of his best friends on earth was mary magdalene. She was a prostitute.. or did you forget about that!

    Basically this all comes down to RESPECT and CHOICE! Respect your daughter and let her make her own choices. She seems old enough to buy and use her own dildo! Perhaps she is old enough to decide for herself whether god wants her to masturbate or not.If this is the only thing you think is wrong with her.. she must be an amazing person!

    Also this is specifically to Amber :
    You have no right giving people advice. Who are you to say what people should do. I think you should re-read your thousands of bibles and get your facts straight. Your arguments are weak and you have given material for all these wonderful commenters to destroy you. Don’t worry though there are many wonderful institutions that will guide you to smarthood including: University, Library and the Vagina Monologues. Also read books like “Le deuxieme sexe” by Simone de Beauvoir. That talk all about the history of the oppression of women by men and about the history of why they masturbate and with what and how .. etc.. very exciting stuff.
    Sincerely,
    A wonderfully happy masturbatory woman who is not a prostitute or pregnant!
    HALLELUJIA!! ESTI-D-CALIS!

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • This is so sad. I, as a conservative, find your decision to co-opt that label for what you are doing here, offensive. You are NOT conservatives. You are theocratists and imperialists. I am also well versed in the Bible, having been born in the Holy Land I read it in Hebrew. Your ignorance and the decision to spread that ignorance is a cause for prayer and pity. I will add all of you to my prayers and hope that the Lord will lead you to make use of all the opportunity for education and growth that He has provided you by allowing you to be born in the United States. You have scoffed at His offerings and trampled on His gifts. You have sullied the great vision of our Founding Fathers and I can only hope that in the course of your lives you find your way to some kind of light before you pull any more of God’s children into your darkness.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

  • Christpuncher

    It’s nice to see that some people in this world have some common sense. The others, like Amber, need to have some sense fucked into them.

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • poast pictures or it didnt happen

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  • I honestly can’t tell if this site is real or satire. Please tell me it’s satire?

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • look under her bed, im sure you’ll find more than a fucking dildo/vibrator,

    cause i fucked her last week,

    MMMMMMMMMMMMM christfag vagoo

    Praise or Condemn: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  • Alright, I have never been so offended in my life. How can you sit there, and give this sort of advice to people? Look deep inside you, and at the world around you, are you serious when you tell these people that masturbation leads to prostitution, and that most Muslims are terrorists?
    You sicken me, and fanatics like you sicken me. Religion can do some good, but for one good thing religion does, idiots like you bring it down 100 times more. If anything, the only domestic terrorists we have in this country are the fundamental christian bigots, trying to run a country that was NOT founded on Christian values, look it up. The Founding Fathers were mostly Theist, but not Christian. They wanted a SEPARATION of church and state.
    I would like to hear your reply to this, Amber, because I can guarantee you that whatever argument you have, I can prove you wrong.

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  • lmfao, you guys are brainwashed. this is why america, and the world, is going down. because of brainwashing religions, and beliefs like this. i hope she double penetrates herself while her mom watches. and while her dad fucks her mouth

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  • THIS SITE IS SATIRE IT MUST BE. THIS SITE IS SIMPLY TAKING THE PISS OUT OF CHRISTIAN VALUES . WE’RE ALL GETTING TROLLED…

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  • Hahaaaaaaaa ha ha

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  • No really I’m crying with laughter now!!!!

    Seriously though, I truly believe there some very constructive comments here provding some excellent advice! :)

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  • Y’all got trolled, go to the homepage.

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  • HEY! I EDITED YOUR BIBLE AT THE COUNCIL OF NICEA! HAHA YOU ALL BELIEVE THIS SHIT? IM A PAGAN FOR PETES SAKE! BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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  • Christpuncher

    I use Bible pages for shit tickets.

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  • christianhater

    Hi Amber,
    You’re a fucking moron. Where do you get your statistics?

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  • John NoReally

    Female circumcision could have prevented all this. Perhaps it’s not too late to save this little girl.

    I laughed at this column until I concluded it was sincere. Guilt/shame-driven religion is a tragedy in any language. Throughout history, such has been responsible for more hatred and more violence than any selfish quests for power. And you, lady, are dripping with it. Your existence is offensive to me, but I pity you. I feel worse, still, for those who seek your advice. They truly have lost free-will in their lives and are the very reason “We Still Think” bumper stickers came into being. Somehow, it isn’t enough for you to believe that we have a larger obligation and responsibility to ourselves and to those around us. No ma’am, you must declare that you have the answers to your very existence- while I’m willing to bet that you couldn’t repair your own lawnmower.

    You may speak to me regarding the meanings of the universe- only after you have mastered the mysteries of an internal combustion engine! (Nothing too complex- ONE cylinder is a good start). Until then, your ‘teachings’ are one step removed from female mutilation in the name of religion. Why do you not recommend that to your writer? It would surely have prevented this tragedy, and is part of a religion that pre-dates your Christianity.

    You’re ridiculous.

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  • You have got to be kidding me!

    You show me 1 legitimate study that backs up any of the stats you posted about masturbation and prostitution.

    This advice is horrid. People who respond to sexuality in such a way are .. well.. horrid.

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  • johnny the masturbater

    amber cooper,

    your advice makes me sick…

    you call yourself Christan?
    and you tell people to be weary of Muslims?
    didn’t jesus say to love all people?
    Christians should be tolerant of all people and their beliefs.

    and where did you get this “information”?:
    “studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.”

    I’d really like to see that website or article…

    Christians like you are the reason i stopped going to church and stopped believing. i was “cured” at 14 when i realized i needed concrete evidence.

    And I will be truthful in the fact that I lost my virginity about a week before my 21st birthday, to a girl I had been dating for 6 months, who was also a virgin. we dated for three years… yes, we had unprotected SEX before marriage, and she isn’t a prostitute now, and we didn’t have a baby either! and i masturbated for years before i met her…
    i lost my virginity to someone i loved and cared about at the age of 21.

    what i’m getting at is that kids can still have morals and values without going to church… activities such as boy scouts help to shape great young men, as well as great parents…

    (i know boy scouts is a christian based organization, but my troop was not chartered by a religious institution.)

    Stop giving terrible advice!
    You give Christians a bad name…

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  • This is the most epic troll site I have ever seen.

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  • Honestly though, if you really think masturbation leads to prostitution or that you should ask a Muslim if they are a terrorist you should probably figure out a way to expedite your trip to heaven and save the rest of us from reading your drivel.

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  • Amber is going to hell. There is no way she has any training in the christian faith.

    Please do not listen to this. The demon will fall upon you Amber and then you will see your err.

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  • Amber is probably already getting her pussy pounded by a 20 something year old already. Whenever you’re off praying to your fake deity, shes sitting at home straddling your jesus crosses while he pounds her raw asshole. Thanks for breeding another whore for society!

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  • I would honestly like to know where those statistics for prostitues and pregnancies came from. I really am curious.

    Just because most christan families are too scared of their own bodies to explore the pleasures that god gave us doesn’t mean you have to punish a curious teenage girl from learning about herself.

    Look, either you let her keep her dildo/dolfin/vibrator/butt plug/anal beeds/all of the above, or she will go out and find a real penis to show her what it feels like.

    Lemme do what Amber just did… Make up statistics, but mine are more to the truth then hers are.

    100% of american christans are fucking morons beliving in a false God and false Scripture. The bible was written by, GUESS WHO!!! MAN!!! the bible was writen by man to control man with fear…

    100% of Ambers percentages are false, ther eare no actuall documents from study groups (other then fake ones from christan bible groups throwing darts to pick a percentage)

    I honestly dont understand why people are so scared of their bodies and their own sexuality… nvm… i do… your all poeple no one would wanna fuck inthe first place.

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  • GeorgeNugwell

    Magnificent troll. 9/10, I was almost raging at full force.

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  • This site is a fucking sham.

    Amber, you’re the reason why I hate religion. You disgusting waste of space. “God” made a huge mistake by letting you set foot on this Earth, cunt.

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  • About those studies you mentioned to concerned in san diego, I was curious where might I find them?

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  • Amber:

    I hope you can appreciate that the anger in the comments on this site is directed not at you–though you’re an easy target for people that don’t want to elaborate any further than a simple vulgarity–but at the advice you’ve given. Your responses to these petitioners–people who seem genuinely distraught about their lives and are grasping for answers to difficult questions–is fraught with factual inaccuracies, sweeping generalizations, and a mishmash of supposition, bigotry, and unfounded fear.

    With regard to your first response, masturbation is a natural process that has specific evolutionary functions for both men and women. There is no causative relationship between masturbation and prostitution or masturbation and pregnancy. Most common predictors for a woman (or girl) becoming a sex worker involve an unhealthy approach to sex from an early age, either through inappropriate sexualization (abuse, such as molestation) or a repressive atmosphere.

    The most immediate reason for that life-altering decision, to become a sex worker, is desperation. My understanding of that process is not based only on 3rd-person accounts, but on the direct experience I’ve had with friends and associates who have gone through the difficult decisions posed by life in New York. It’s easy, in any number of industries, to fall victim to abusers that seek only to profit and don’t care about the person they are destroying. Women that are inadequately prepared for these challenges, whether it be from abuse or just a lack of knowledge, are more easily victimized. On the other hand, information and faith can help resolve a person against such victimization. There is a place for God in this discussion, but it is not in creating shame. The important thing is to empower a young woman with her faith in God and belief in her own own moral compass, not make her choose between her body or her faith.

    It’s important that, at a certain age, sexual decisions are made by the child and not the parent. It’s not a parent’s job to control the decisions made by a child until they’re 18, when they can magically function on their own; it’s to raise a self-aware individual that can make responsible choices for themselves. If Concerned in San Diego is looking to raise a mature adult, she needs to inform her child, not make her child’s decisions for her. That means that the teenager should have all of the available information.

    Abstinence is a commendable decision, but it’s simply not natural for a girl in her mid-teens to feel no sexual desire. God’s decision (if you prefer to believe that He made direct decisions about these things) was to set puberty for humans around twelve or thirteen. Why would He set the alarm on our biological clock to ring seven years before we gained the mental and emotional maturity to handle our hormones?

    >> To Concerned in San Diego: Parents have a responsibility to imbue in their children a moral code, a sense of responsibility and a confidence in their decision-making. Would you want your teenager to buy a car without knowing all the facts? Choose her career without exploring the alternatives? Why should sex be approached any differently? It may be one of the biggest decisions your daughter makes, maybe in her lifetime. Why should sex, and only sex, be the area in which your child has to receive her marching orders and tow the company line?

    From a more practical perspective, if your daughter already has the wherewithal to acquire a vibrator, she’s probably already made some decisions about masturbation. Confiscating the tool and enrolling her in some abstinence-only classes isn’t going to rewire her mindset about masturbation. It’ll simply cause her shame in her decision and create a conflict between her body and her faith. Before you take Amber’s advice, you need to examine your motives. Are you doing this because you truly feel that her decision will hurt her? Or are you doing it to salve your own conscience and lessen your own embarrassment.

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  • Amber:

    With respect to your answer to Wisconsin Girl in Love, you failed to actually answer her question. She did not request a diatribe on why she ought not to trust a Muslim man. She asked how she can present a man she loves, who comes from a different cultural tradition, to her parents. Her concern is genuine, and I’m sure is shared by more than a few men and women who are seeking to bridge cultural and generational gaps in our increasingly interconnected world. I’d be interested to see your response to the actual question: What can Wisconsin Girl in Love do to bridge the gap between her parents and her love interest? How can she help them overcome their prejudices and accept, in the spirit of Christian love, a guy that for all we know is just another hard-working and industrious American?

    Of course, the wider concern with your response is that it feeds into a perception that America is riddled with Islamist cells that merely await the trigger to launch an uprising against mom, apple pie and the American flag. This misinformation has been deployed as a cynical political tactic; the constant state of fear into which Americans have been plunged since the attacks of 2001 has helped create a smokescreen to cover acts that would never otherwise be acceptable.

    The important item to remember about Islamic terrorism is that it is a political movement that wraps itself in religion to justify its tactics. The movement has brainwashed impressionable souls–young men, mainly, that have been educated in a twisted version of their religion and emotionally brutalized to accept unconscionable acts as their God’s will–and turned them loose in a semi-organized manner. This movement uses Islam as its cover; other movements in the past have used Catholocism, anti-Semitism, and patriotism to wreak terror. It is not inconceivable that, at the height of the Troubles in Ireland, nineteen young men could have been recruited to conduct a terror attack similar to that experienced in New York. In any struggle where The Cause is elevated above basic morality, there exists the potential for sickening inhumanity.

    More specifically, your response sets up a red herring by asking, “What if the guy is a terrorist?” There is no factual reason to suspect the love interest of any crime, let alone terrorism. There is no statistical basis for that judgment, either. Your hyperbolic estimate of the number of Muslims “working with homegrown terrorists” is an inadequate starting point for that supposition. Even if there are thousands of radicalized Muslims in America, ready to wreak havoc on the American way, the chance the young man, one of about 7 million Muslims in the United States, that the young lady has met is one of these is incredibly miniscule. Why should fear of his religion be her overriding concern? Aside from bigotry and misunderstanding, what possible cause could there be to reject him on this basis? The world needs more understanding, more sharing, more belief in brotherhood and Christian love between all parties, even if they have not yet come to Jesus.

    >> To Wisconsin Girl in Love:

    The answer to your problem is education. What makes any person fearful is the unknown. It’s what drives fear of the dark as much as fear of another culture. Your best bet for bridging the cultural gap between your parents and your friend is to educate your parents about Islam. It might not be easy; years of misinformation about that particular culture has probably built a wall that they might not be eager to break down, and they might respond with derision at first.

    There’s a lot about Islam about which the average American might not be aware. The Muslim world has a rich history, especially in science and ideas. It was Islamic scholars that kept alive vital scientific information that would otherwise have been lost during the Dark Ages of Catholic anti-intellectualism (600 AD through the 1300s); it was Muslim traders that brought ideas and goods from China and the far East centuries before Marco Polo. By sharing this sort of information in a casual manner, you can start to foster the respect for another culture that the modern media has shattered.

    It’s also important to take baby steps. As heartfelt as you might feel about your love interest, it can be a shock to a parent’s system. First impressions are important. Give your parents a chance to get to know the guy without the pressure of knowing him as a “boyfriend”. It gets pretty hard to hate a guy for his religion when you know him personally first.

    Finally, make sure that the gentleman is willing to help. Educate him about your family’s traditions while you educate yourself about his. Make sure he’s willing to show the same respect for your family’s faith as you’d like them to show for his. He should also know what he’s getting himself into, especially if your parents aren’t afraid to be vocal about their (possibly misinformed) opinions. If he’s prepared for uncomfortable comments, he’ll be able to respond respectfully and come that much closer to gaining your parents’ respect. If he isn’t willing to put that kind of work into building a relationship with your family, then you might need to take a closer look at your appraisal of him.

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  • Amber:

    I respect that you approach the questions you receive from a very specific cultural tradition. You clearly have an ideological perspective that colors your advice, and those readers who have sent in questions almost certainly expect that your answers will conform to your faith. That isn’t a negative, by any means. Christian teachings can help provide realistic advice to all types of practical issues. Belief in Christ can inform sound, moral advice.

    What concerns me most isn’t that you answer questions from a belief in Christianity. I’m more shocked by your fear-mongering, disregard for facts, exaggeration, logical fallacies and misdirection. In the two examples to which I specifically responded above, a woman in need of guidance was given advice that betrays basic Christian compassion and belief in the essential goodness of man in the eyes of God. God set Adam and Eve free to make their own decisions for a reason; the acceptance of Jesus Christ is only valid if it is made as a free and conscious choice.

    While you may very well believe that masturbation is a sin, it is not for any man to judge that sin; a parent’s obligation is to teach their child right and wrong, not shove it down their throat and further confuse their teenager. A parent should have given their child the moral tools to make the “right” choice–for you, I imagine the “right” choice would be to resist the temptation to masturbate–but if the teenager is not given the chance to make their choice with a free and open heart then what sort of decision is it, really? It is coerced, flawed, unreal. Dishonest.

    Your screed against Islam–and, let’s call it what it is, a bigoted and ill-informed rant–was even less sensical. You don’t really make a point except to say that Wisconsin Girl’s parents are right and she should take their advice and steer clear of Muslim men. You base that point on the tenuous connection between Islam and terrorism, and suggest that if she dates a Muslim man she is spitting in her parents’ face. This is not an attitude of Christian love; this is not brotherhood. This is fearful prejudice, based on misconceptions and paranoia. In his teachings, Christ asked his followers to love one another. There is no love in your polemic, no sense of understanding for the trials that Muslims–who also follow the teachings of Jesus–face. That makes you worse than wrong. It makes you a pick-and-choose Christian.

    I hope that you take the time to approach future questions with more thought and less judgment. There is a lot of good that a column like yours can do for Christians that are confused on the best way to solve problems by applying the lessons of their faith.

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  • I beat it all the time everyday ;)

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  • This makes me very sad.

    Of course it’s ok for your daughter to masturbate. I’m sure plenty of other people have said that but I can’t torture myself reading all of the comments.

    I masturbate a lot and I’m not a prostitute and I’m not getting pregnant. It’s natural and ok to feel good and release that tension. I’m pretty sure if God exists he’d want you to masturbate. If you’re expecting her to not have sex until she gets married, you might want to let her keep that Dildo, or maybe she WILL have it, and having sex is what gets you pregnant.
    But of course, she can also use birth control and not get pregnant.

    Hellooo? Why do people still think things like masturbation are evil?

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  • Finally, I want to point out that the only reason it’s worth commenting on this specific article and none of the other deranged articles on this website is that Amber is, in theory, responding to real requests for help from people that are in need. Their problems deserve a genuine response, not a nonsensical kneejerk reaction. They deserve better than Amber’s given them.

    The other articles on ChristWire range from racist analysis of President Obama to demands that they be allowed to impede the free speech rights of radio broadcasters. They even pray that God sends a fireball into San Francisco because Marvel made a toy that looks like you need to fellate Wolverine to inflate it. All of this is idiotic, of course, but they have a perfect right to their opinions; their right to free speech is important to protect.

    Where the line is crossed is when a vulnerable individual, seeking guidance, turns to such an outlet and is rewarded with lies, misinformation, and a heaping of crap. That’s manipulative and beneath any sense of human decency.

    On an unrelated note, if you guys browse the site, notice how many Google ads they are for hilariously inappropriate items? Below http://christwire.org/2009/03/marvel-now-promotes-gay-agenda-with-wolverine-toy/ I see Google ads linking to places to buy Marvel action figures and a banner ad for GayEbonyDating.com.

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  • GayChristian

    THANK you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly state it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them. My important Biblically based questions are listed below. I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to the Irish, but not English people. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own some Englishmen?

    2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

    4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Lev.1:9. The problem is: my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

    6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination – Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I do not agree. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

    7. Lev.21:20 state that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wriggle-room here?

    8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

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  • Amber,
    This has made me very, very, very offended. I find it disgusting how non accepting your blog is of people with different religious views or ethnicities or sexual orientations. Masturbating is NOT sinful. I know people who do it and are they on their way to becoming whores or prostitutes? No. They are being accepted into Ivy League schools. This is a pathetic website, and I feel very sorry for the girl who’s mother takes advice from it. Is it maybe news to you that every single guy I have talked to masturbates? That is a lot. Are they all going to hell? Well, newsflash, they can’t, because it doesn’t exist in the first place. The Muslim thing? HOW MANY OF YOU RACIST, TERRIBLE, STEREOTYPICAL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE THERE? It’s rather depressing actually, how awful it is that people like you still exist. And if he gets offended he is probably one of them? So, he should UNDERSTAND that somebody thinks he’s a terrorist because he is of a certain faith? No. That is disgusting. You people revolt me.
    So this is what we get when people start obeying a book written by an anonymous person.

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  • I do hope that this is a parody of religious fundamentalism. Otherwise, I find it terrifying that people are writing to you for advice, and that you’re spouting off statistics without any proof.

    Christianity is supposed to teach about love and tolerance, not being close-minded and judgmental. But some people forget about the fact that prostitutes and lepers were amongst Jesus’ devoted followers, and that he was in general a nice, tolerant guy that preached love, not hate.

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  • creationist

    cut up her vagina, that way your saying to god “i renounce my daughters naural urge to find physical comfort” basicaly just puting your thoughts to action

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  • I did a study, my results were thus:

    If San Diego let me teach her daughter to masturbate, 97% of the time she would orgasm.

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  • Offended in Colorado

    I find the name of your website offensive. It makes me think of Jesus’ penis. It is a dirty, sinful name. Websites like these are why that poor evil girl has to “M” to fit in with her friends. All of her misguided Christian friends say “You have to ‘M’ for Jesus or Satan will ‘M’ you in the ‘A’ and you’ll be ‘F-ed’ for eternity.” Is this what you want to teach our kids? That thinking about Jesus’ ‘P’ and ‘M-ing’ to it is ok to post on the internet? Shameful. Shameful. Whoreish and shameful. Amber, if I ever see you in person I will kick you in your tits and beat you in the head with my cast iron Bible. You give good Christians like me a bad name.

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  • Take away a girl’s vibrator and she’ll just use her fingers…

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  • ALSO, I’m going to masturbate to this article. Woo!

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  • Lulz's #1 Fan

    Way ahead of you…

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  • I’m debating whether this is a really good parody, or a really insane conservative. The two are so hard to tell apart.

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  • please God let this be a someone’s bad idea of a joke…

    I am very “religious.” That means, btw, that I have a very dynamic and devout relationship w/ God, not that I follow the dogma or “party line” of a particular denomination.

    I just about screamed when I read your response to masturbation (This will of course lead to your daughter seeking out a male companion, or even female. As a teenager, your daughter’s mind is not yet developed enough to handle the pressures and responsibilities of being sexually active. It will lead to great sorrow in her life if you don’t put a stop to it right now.) and her answer to the question of dating, “(Young love is truly exciting and what you’ve planned to do sounds truly wonderful)

    What – you think dating a guy is NOT going to lead to a desire for sex, but that masturbation most certainly will???????? Which of the two girls is going to more likely be in the physical situation where sex is an option??? Not the one alone in her room!!!

    Do you think that it is likely for a young girl to be emotionally stimulated and “let the relationship progress naturally,” and that won’t lead to sex?? Do you think that she’s not old enough to handle the pressures of being sexually active, but that a young girl would be able to handle the pressures of being emotionally involved?

    And your statistics are ridiculous.

    Yeah – and how many women who masturbated DIDN’T become prostitutes??? I’d bet at least 90% of women who masturbate do NOT end up as prostitutes. I would also bet that the girls who didn’t use birth control ALSO had “loose morals” in regards to lying, the clothes they wear, and what they watch on tv.

    Your response is idiotic, and fails to demonstrate the smallest amount of either wisdom or compassion. You makes gross and extreme accusations and assumptions.your answers show a distinct imbalance in what you think is appropriate behavior, and a gross lack of understanding of human nature. You assume the young girl who is masturbating is inevitably going to fall into a sexual relationship, but that the young woman you encourage the man to woo won’t likewise fall into that same temptation.

    shame on you.

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  • There is no way this site can be legit…it is hilarious that people are getting up in arms about this. Any news site that has an article about scientist inventing gay pink dolphins can’t be real. They always say that the best sarcasm/parodies are the ones that you can’t tell if they are serious or not. This is a good shot at the conservative, thanks for the laughs. i will be checking in daily to see what other crazy things you guys come up with next

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  • If masturbation is a sin does this mean safari park chimps are doomed to hell ?

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  • Christ, Himself

    Yay for abominations!

    CSB Warning: Post censored. Refrain from linking carnal images.

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  • bravo, amber, bravo. did you win the weekly free dinner from tbiii and that other troll for the most hits on your article?

    btw, when you gonna let me hit it, gurl?

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  • Amber, Just because no one will lay you and you havent found the joy of being loved by anyone else besides your twisted religous fuck heads, doesnt mean you have the RIGHT to tell other people its wrong and those bogus studies about why girls are “slutty” are ridiculous! Girls become hookers because of POOR PARENTING and OPRESSION like you!!!! Get over your RIGHTEOUSNESS and go suck a dick.

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  • Im sorry, I cant let this go!!! This is so retarded I almost want to throw the fuck up!!! Amber, lets be honest your probably a closet scank and you suck dicks out behind your house for free. Its AMAZING, the connection behind hatefull and iggnorant oppression like what you spew, and the fact your sexualy and educationaly deprived!!! TRUE studies show (like by Sari, from the book Sex Guide, you should read it) that masturbation is a pyshical form of stress relieve and ACTUALLY when you know more about your body, the happier you are and the more you love yourself. Tell me Amber, do you cut yourself to feel alive?
    Or do you just damn others to make yourself feel better? Have fun in your distorted reality, I’ll be over in ACTUAL reality.

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  • Dear Concerned in San Diego,

    I grew up Christian, so I know that you will consider some of the writers of the above comments as worldly and misunderstanding. You only want the best for your daughter and, since you perceive her actions as sinful, you want to put an end to them.

    However, I have only just moved out of my own parents’ house, so it’s easier for me to imagine how your daughter will respond if you “have a talk with your daughter and pray with her. Pray all that sinful desire of masturbation right out of her heart. Throw the device away, and then enroll her in some abstinence counseling sessions.” If my mom had done that with me for whatever reason, I would resist like I never had before. It’s important for you to talk with your daughter about these sorts of things, but teenagers are fragile and usually will not respond well if their parents’ beliefs are forced on them.

    I suggest you talk to your daughter, but not in a confrontational way. Sit her down, make it clear she is not in trouble, and ask her what she thinks about masturbation and sex in general. Offer your opinion, that you believe it is sinful and may lead to worse sexual activity. But don’t try to force these beliefs on her! If you antagonize her, she will never come to you with this sort of thing. What you want is for your daughter to open up to you and tell you if she’s thinking about becoming sexually active, correct? Then let her. Show her you can be trusted to not overreact and she will feel more comfortable confiding in you.

    If you want to pray with her or enroll her in abstinence counseling sessions, suggest this to her, tell her that it’s important to you for her to consider it, and make it clear that you’re only worried about her. Perhaps a compromise could be made. For example, she agrees to go to an abstinence counseling session or two and you agree to give her certain privileges she may not normally have, such as an hour or two of a longer curfew. By showing her that you trust her, she will be more likely to trust you.

    I hope this helps.
    If you have any questions or if maybe you daughter would like to talk to someone who is closer to her age and who has gone to a Christian church her whole life, you can email me at travelgirl555@yahoo.com

    -Sierra

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  • Dear Wisconsin Girl in Love,

    It is possible that this boy of yours is a terrorist or part of a family of terrorists, but it is also possible that your next door neighbor is a terrorist, or that Amber is a terrorist! Don’t confuse religious beliefs with white, Euro-centric xenophobia.

    Consider this, if he came to you and asked you if you were a fundamentalist cult member who was planning on blowing up abortion clinics and beating the homosexuality out of, well, homosexuals, would you be offended? Of course you would! Stereotypes never feel good, and they’re not always true. Just because he might get upset if you ask him about terrorists DOES NOT MEAN HE’S GUILTY OF BEING ONE!

    I suggest talking to your parents and to this boy. Tell your parents that you love him and trust him. I’m currently engaged to a Lutheran that I’m desperately in love with. Although my parents didn’t think he was a terrorist, neither did they like the fact that he was not a member of our church. However, when they realized how much I love him, they supported me. Even if your parents don’t come around at first, don’t lose hope! Don’t antagonize them or shut them out, but don’t allow them to change what you believe or how you feel. Tell your boy that you’re worried about what your parents might think, but that you want to get through the possible trials ahead with him at your side. If he loves you as much as you love him, he will understand.

    I hope this helps.
    If you have any questions, you can email me at travelgirl555@yahoo.com

    -Sierra

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  • Have belives but seek the truth

    I wonder why AMERICA as the only contry in the world with this BIGG of a problem with terrorists? Ofcourse other countries have been struck by terroisem. But only on american news they are blown out of proportion and make the daylie news. Terrorisem is not accepteble, but this is just sad reading. Are you going to go around the rest of your life being scared of your nextdoor nieghbour? FACE THE FACT! Keep living your life as normal or HIDE IN YOUR BASMENT! that is the advice that should be given!

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  • I can’t seem to decide which is worse, someone actually complaining that their daughter is masturbating, or someone who believes that they are damned for the rest of their life for doing so. As I replied to the Marvel toy post, it doesn’t really matter if you don’t want her to or not, if she wants to then she will, but you shouldn’t try to force religion on people, she has a choice, and it doesn’t matter whether your just some stranger who randomly met her or if your her mother/father. That in a sense is why some teenagers can’t wait to be 18, because that pisses you off that you can’t enslave them to believe how you want them to believe. They have their own individual minds, and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. And as for Amber’s response, the percentages you posted are not true at all. People masturbate for different reasons, it’s not all just about pleasure, at times it’s relaxation or for stress. Masturbating does not give teens an increased risk for having sex before marriage or anything else of that sort. You are merely trying to use false facts to scare people so that it attracts people to your blog and that either makes you money or makes you proud of yourself for promoting lies. There are many many people both male and female that I know who masturbate and still have not had sex and are planning to wait until they are married. So as you claim, it is not vile. Masturbation is not unnatural and if you believe it is well then I guess we all have our opinions.

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  • Masturbation is God.

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  • nonbeliever

    Nono, ‘Disgusted’ is God.
    (:

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  • It’s OK for her to masterbate as long as your daughter is hot, if she looks anything like Amber…..please don’t let her.

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  • You guys are fucking insane… that’s just it, you’re absolutley fucking insane… in case you’re wondering, there was recentley someone who started a group, specifically designed to make fun of you extremist christians and your damn website, and i’m a close follower of them. for all those interested, it’s called “….so apparentley i’m going to hell” making fun of a list on this website of things that will make you go to hell supposedly, of which, i am breaking 14 rules :) and i’m pretty damn proud of it.

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  • Asiancommando

    Wow…whats worse is putting your daughter’s personal life on the INTERNET, where complete strangers can look at it, if she finds out, bad things are gonna happen.

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  • Amber Cooper.

    You know this is just ridiculous! That photo above is just repulsive! However it is making my giant whore pussy really want some hot black cock.
    Anyone wanna buttfuck?

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  • have videos been posted yet?

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  • just checking back again guys. any videos yet? eek5xt.gif evilgrin.gif

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    • LOL
      i loved that troll story
      i got a hardon reading it and i jacked of to the thought of your daughter using a toy
      thankyou for broadcasting your personal issues on a blog!(if it was real)
      im gonna find your daughter and satisfy her if you take her toy away!!
      what happened to AMERICA=FREE COUNTRY FREE TO MASTURBATE FREE TO GET your SEX ON

      you are an infringement womens rights you know that??

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  • Medammit….

    OK, what do you think I made fingers for? Well, first off I didn’t make them, the initial things I “made” eventually lead into the evolution of fingers… but yeah… Anyways, masturbation is a normal and healthy act. Saying that masturbation is going to make her a slut, a whore, a harlot, a prostitute, isn’t right. What is right about masturbation of any sort is that it will relieve her stress if she has any, and introduces her to sexual contact, something she will probably have if she reached adulthood under a fascist parenthood.

    As for the Muslim question, who cares? If the guy is a radical Christian that was going to bomb every mosque, temple, and house in the world, would that be a good person to go out with? Generalizations lead to bad things. Stay away from them.

    As for videogames, I’ve been reading some of this research about you guys – it does lead to somewhat violent tendencies, but if you just keep him in check, like making sure that the games are appropriate – don’t let him have “Grand Theft Auto IV” if he’s only 8!

    Where’s my beer…

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  • Yo Amber, apparently you never did the deed with a dildo..too bad…see…what happens is that you get that thing all stretched and ready for the real deal when his time is ready…however, as ugly as you are…have to be in total darkness or with a pillowcase over yer head, actually…maybe two

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  • 99% Members on This Site Goes to Hell

    Alright, I’ve been trying to keep myself composed after reading some of the articles on this site. But this, is IT. I have to say something. I’m Chinese and I even restrained myself from posting on that racist trash writing (if you can even call it that).
    You idiots on this site pull RANDOM STATISTICS OUT OF YOUR DEVILHOLES. For Fuck’s Sake, there is NO WAY you actually LOOKED UP a LEGITIMATE statistic saying that shit about prostitutes and how they masturbated or whatever. SHOW ME a MOTHERFUCKING source if you can even scrounge one up from this DEPTH OF HELL everyone else calls in the internet. If you manage to find some 600BC prick who said made up some stats like that, I will refute you into the bowels of hell.
    Have a nice day milady, and the rest of you “Christians” (the ones being intolerant pricks)

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  • Its okay. There’s probably no god and no sin. Masturbating is healthy and normal. If you do ‘crack down’ on her sexually all that means is she’ll go wild as soon as she hits college. If you talk to her about anything talk to her about safe sex and make sure she has some condoms, because all the moralizing in the world won’t matter at all the first time she thinks she’s in love.

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  • Surely this is a joke, right? I mean, the made-up research statistics, the over-use of archaic language, the total ridiculousness of the position of the agony aunt? Surely this is satire or parody? Or it’s a genuinely terrifying example of destructive ignorance.

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  • Wow. I cannot believe this tripe.

    OK, if you think masturbation is horrible, that’s fine, but MAKING UP random statistics to scare people out of doing something fairly normal?

    If you’re going to throw numbers out there, at least site a reputable source.

    I feel like this HAS to be a joke… it’s like Betty Bowers wrote it.

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  • Of course she whould not be masturbating — she should be having real sex with a boy or girl of her own age

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  • Of course she should not be masturbating — she should be having real sex with a boy or girl of her own age

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  • So I think everything about the made up statistics and bad advice has been said. Although one thing is for sure if she doesn’t talk to her daughter about this and simply attacks her telling her she’s sinful all she’ll do is push her daughter away and make the situation worse. Or she could just ignore it and be a responsible parent by actually engaging with her daughter instead of internalizing with prayer.

    Maybe I’m naive but I’d like to think that just being a good parent will work (with or without the religion)

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  • She has hands… she should use them to her hearts content.

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  • Catpan Mcgraw

    Dear God and Jaysus in heaven…please tell me this site is fake. It is, isn’t it?

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  • Hey Amber at christwire, could you please give me the EXACT references of your bull-crap statistics that 87% of women become prostitutes and 90% become pregnant because of masturbation. Also, the last one (the 90%) is laughable because it is IMPOSSIBLE to become pregnant from MASTURBATION. Where do you people come up with this nonsense? Furthermore, there is no (zero, zilch, nada)scripture anywhere in the buy-bull that says masturbation is a sin. Actually, if I were a parent and ALL my child was doing was masturbating in the privacy of their own bedroom, then I would encourage them to do so. I mean, if they were not out “fornicating”, or doing drugs then this is a good thing…..Also, your column about the Muslim biy is just said. It is your, “there is a terrorist around every corner waiting to kill us”, beliefs and attitude that is the real problem. Sad, very sad indeed. COMMENTS: xthetruth1@aol.com

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  • thi saint real

    This is soo fake.. Except that some people don’t believe it is and they write in not knowing they are a joke. It’s pretty fucking hilarious and also extremely disturbing that someone puts this much effort into it.

    Peace out homies

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  • Whether the site is real or not, I don’t know, but the advice is a hoot and a half, loved it. Lol. It’s completely boneheaded and wrong of course but funny as hell. Are there any women out there who can offer some helpful tips for the masturbating daughter? Or you can try pointing her to this http://www.sexinfo101.com/kb_mastlad.shtml or this http://www.puberty101.com/p_masturbationgirls.shtml

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  • how bullshit are those statistics!!!??

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  • Amber,

    You are a racist bitch.

    Fuck you very much.

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  • all those statistics are bullshit. making up facts to promote your own agenda.

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  • Oh my goodness. Are you kidding me? To the mother who’s daughter is masturbating- it is a natural thing. NATURAL. Amber is an idiot, and ill informed. You need to think critically. This woman is not an expert on anything, certainly not sex. So take it from a Human Sexuality educator- masturbation is natural, and important in the maturation of a human being. As for it leading to other sexual activity, it is actually PROVEN to help those who wish to be celibate until marriage to do so, as it provides release of confusing feelings. Do you remember what it was like when you first hit puberty? It is a difficult time for any young person, don’t confuse your poor daughter more by instilling guilt in her about her body, or once the poor girl is married she will be unable to enjoy sexual activity with her husband, and will be plagued with shameful, guilty feelings about her body and one of it’s natural functions. Self-loathing is not something that you want to instill in your child, and she can ABSOLUTELY still lead a life in line with Christian morality without being crippled by insecurities about herself and her body. Do not teach her to hate her sexuality, but embrace it and save it for the special person whom she will one day marry and give it to.
    Ps. Almost every single person on the planet masturbates, and there have been many studies to prove this. Look up actual statistics please, don’t take this woman’s misguided advice. People may not admit it, but everyone masturbates, including the ignorant woman who told you to tell your daughter it was unnatural. If sexual pleasure was unnatural, and god created us, why would he have given us this gift?

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  • Religion IS a mental sickness and everyone that believes in any religion are in FACT mentally sick, delusional, psychotic!

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  • You have given an answer in a way that evil has to be handled.

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  • There is a way for her to satisfy herself AND still be true to Jesus.
    Buy her one of these: http://www.divine-interventions.com/jackhammer.html

    But remeMber to tell her… “FEET FIRST!!”

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  • jackhammer.html

    THIS SHOULD MAKE HER HAPPY AND STILL KEEP HER RELATIONSHIP WITH jESUS.

    REMEMBER…FEET FIRST!!!

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  • NIGGERS

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  • Bloodtrocuted!

    Amber, I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but Christianity seems to have turned you into a robot. It’s a wonder that you’re human at all. If this is satire, well, then it sucks. And if it’s serious? I can only assume you’re locked in a room in the middle of the desert with nothing more than a bible, a desk, and a computer.

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  • HeavyMetalFanOHNO

    Well, you can’t get your hand pregnant…

    All you listeners to “Devils Music”
    Rock On

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  • Yeah, I’m sure people actually asked you for advice there Amber. Sounds like you made up a bunch of letters in order to preach you goofiness. Oh, so so funny. This site has to be a comedy site, nobody is this stupid are they?

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  • Ambers Masterbating Daughter

    I love to touch myself.. Especially with vegetables like cucumbers, after I use it on myself I put it back in the fridge and giggle when mommy eats it..

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  • crazy1234245

    WOW FUCK YOU, you are the most screwed up person in the world giving terrible advice, I know you know what you are doing you are acting like a religious zealout on purpose to gain attention and that is just sick

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  • Amber is probably one of those sick freaks who believe that it’s fine for guys to masturbate, but it’s sinful for girls to do so as well.

    Obviously Amber doesn’t realize is that masturbation can be used as a form of birth control. Think about it: Girl gets horny, girl wants to have sex, but is either scared of having sex or doesn’t want to risk getting pregnant, so girl starts fingering herself instead.

    I started masturbating when I was 15. I’m now 18, and I’ve never had sex (although that could also have to do with the fact that the only person I’ve ever been sexually attracted to was my gay best friend, and it wouldn’t really have gone over well if I’d suddenly jumped on his dick).

    Seriously Amber, you and your crazy Christian cronies are always going on about how “evil” abortion is, and how great abstinence is, and yet you condemn masturbation, which is technically a form of abstinence.

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  • Hey Amber, guess what? I’m going to masturbate tonight! Yay, I’m so excited!

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  • tricuriousteenagechristian

    lol what if your a good christian and you get raped by a homosexual ? hmm?

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  • wow.hark the devil angel sings.

    play shebop by cyndi lauper. give yourself some loving honey;)

    anyone stupid enough to ask this racist hitler reincarnate for advice is truly worshipping satan himself.

    amen.

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  • Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.

    Hmm, studies also show that 90%+ of the population mastarbate during puberty. Does that make 90%+ of the world prostitues.

    That’s like saying all murderers breath air, therefor breathing air is the cause for murder.

    lol, think you need to go and have a solo sessions for yourself Amy, maybe loosing you up a bit. Not that I think your not hypocritical enough to have done so already.

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  • I have the most fun on this website, I haven’t laughed like this in a long time!
    You guys are so pathetic with your hypocritical religion! I find it very entertaining.
    It’s ok for priests to fuck little boys and girls, but not ok for “christian girl”
    to masturbate.
    By the way women become prostitutes because they masturbate, I’m sure they have many other reasons to start a life like that.

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  • Oh I just remember I didn’t masturbate today! :)

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  • Lucifer4omen666

    I got an massive orgasm reading the story i cummed all over my keyboard and licked it several times, then i went in to my kitchen grabbed a banana heated it in my microwave oven for 10 secounds at 300, then i pushed it far up my rear end, then i took several fruits and vegetables and thrusted it up my ass and then swallowed it with a great joy. Dont worry, your daughter is fine , so am i , doing sick things to your body is a thing you only can control , i bet you’ve beaten the ham several times your self
    By the way, if any of you want to know sick things to do to your body without severely damaging your internal body/soul please contact me, i got several sick things to do, like the filthy orange, you heat it up make a hole and thrust your penis inside it , another way is good also, you take rotten manure , freeze it, make a hole and fuck it like its no tomorrow, im sure that will please your sickening oaths

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  • Alfred Beetle

    Its my understanding that if a girl were to masturbate, it would keep her developing and raging hormones in a satiated check, and therefore she would be less tempted to go out and do something pre-maritally that could result in disease, pregnancy, or one of several emotional consequences.

    I mean…why go out and get in trouble with society and god when you can go home and do it with plastic in piece?

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  • Firstly, I would like to say that all the stupid horny teenage boys need to silence their stupidity and take themselves to REDTUBE promptly. Secondly, I would like to say that I am a 16 year old teenage girl with a boyfriend and I masturbate. There is NOTHING wrong with it and you should NOT take your daughters vibrator away from her. If you don’t like it, try talking to her, calmly and without a major Christan freak out and explain that you think shes a little too young and you don’t think its right. Don’t make her feel bad for her sexual urges. There is nothing wrong with them.

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  • Long Dong Silver

    Amber,

    Teenage masturbation as “sinful?” What studies do you have that prove conclusively that “unbridled masturbation” will lead to other more deviant activities?

    In what scientific or medical, peer reviewed journal did you read this drivel?

    Human life is brief, fragile and brutal enough as it is. You and others of your ilk take what I believe to be two of the VERY last refuges of the self (our bodies and minds) and figuratively, but NEVER literally (because you don’t do oral!) SUCK out whatever fleeting joy we can privately have in life.

    That you use God, the Creator of us all, as a weapon to get others to beleive as you do sickens me. Do you truly believe that God made us without knowing the capabilities, inequities, and desires of His creation?

    Do you truly believe that He put us on this Earth merely to bow down to His Almighty power? I don’t think so.

    It is True that He did it for that Reason, but that wasn’t the only one. He did want us to have some joy to ourselves…I don’t think He wanted a bunch of wailing sychophants. If so, what would be the point of all this?

    So…don’t suck all the joy out of this teenager’s life. Who is she hurting by her behavior?

    Mom should say NOTHING but if she can’t help herself, have the “safe sex talk” with her daughter. Sheesh!

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  • GothicGamers

    Seriously? if masturbation is a sinful act, then sex is a sinful act, then all christian families will not reproduce as God said, as He said to go forth, and multiply, so who cares if she masturbates? masturbation is a form of sex to keep your virginity, so it might be a good thing because it teaches people to not have premarital sex. this is just more propaganda from Amber
    may she die and burn in the flames of hell.

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  • successful_troll.jpg

    HAHA. Fap all you want ladies ^^.

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  • Kevin O'Brien

    Dear Amber,
    Are you some kind of repressed Christian extremist idiot when it comes to sexuality? How dare you come off with advice telling a mother how to teach her daughter that her body and her normal teenage curiosity and masturbation are sinful and something that will cause her to be damned to hell and become a trollop!
    Your statistics are grossly biased and mostly flat out lies. There is no viable research to support your contention that masturbation leads to increased sexual desires or prostitution. If you had any real educational and clinical training you would never have reacted with such repugnancy and referred to a sex device as a sinful tool leading to self destruction.
    Very few teenage girls who are virgins use anything that actually penetrates themselves, fearing that if they were to break or overly stretch their hymen they would not have the whole ouch and blood thing that so many girls say is part of their first intercourse and their husband would not respect them. That is why clitoral masturbation is most popular with young women. Digital manipulation of their vaginal tissues and clitoris in masturbation is actually estimated to take place in 76% of normal and well adjusted girls 14-18 years old. Self-pleasure is a normal thing and in case you have forgotten it, the capability to experience an orgasm and its pleasure has always been a gift given to humans by God! I had no idea that God was in business to send our girls to hell and screw them up mentally and emotionally as you are attempting to do.
    Scaring the dickens out of someone’s mother and then expecting her to berate her daughter as being sinful and filthy in her body was just foul and will make many more than just me question your mental and emotional state. Once again, allow me to impress upon you that masturbation is NORMAL. God has not struck anyone dead for doing it since the story of Onan was taken grossly out of context. It does however allow the Catholic Church to demonize all kinds of birth control and inhibiting its discussion between daughters and parents, which has fueled the teen pregnancy epidemic. Psychologists, psychiatrists and sex therapists are making a mint off of women because of thoughtless, untrained and overly-emotional so-called advice columnists like you. No girl should ever be told there is something wrong with them or their body unless it is critical to her PHYSICAL safety. Sadly we are in a generation of sexuality being considered recreational so what must be emphasized is safe-sex practices – even though we already know he only effective method is abstinence. Next time, take a deep breath and really think through your answers. You will be surprised how much respect from parents and teens you will earn back.
    Sincerely,
    Kevin M. O’Brien

    BIOLA University Graduate 1994 and a dad…

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    • Kevin, please please please do not fall for the lies of liberal media. Masturbation is a gateway drug to a lifestyle of addiction and uncontrollable desire for self-pleasure; time and time again I’ve had to deal with junkies, prostitutes and other riffraff and it is a little touch they gave themselves that started them out.

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      • What about the men? Do you think its okay for them to do it?

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  • Kevin O'Brien

    Dear Amber,
    Are you some kind of oppressed Christian extremist when it comes to sexuality? How dare you come off with advice telling a mother how to teach her daughter that her body and her normal teenage curiosity and masturbation are sinful and something that will cause her to be damned to hell and become a trollop!
    Your statistics are grossly biased and mostly flat out lies. There is no viable research to support your contention that masturbation leads to increased sexual desires or prostitution. If you had any real educational and clinical training you would never have reacted with such repugnancy and referred to a sex device as a sinful tool leading to self destruction.
    Very few teenage girls who are virgins use anything that actually penetrates themselves, fearing that if they were to break or overly stretch their hymen they would not have the whole ouch and blood thing that so many girls say is part of their first intercourse and their husband would not respect them. That is why clitoral masturbation is most popular with young women. Digital manipulation of their vaginal tissues and clitoris in masturbation is actually estimated to take place in 76% of normal and well adjusted girls 14-18 years old. Self-pleasure is a normal thing and in case you have forgotten it, the capability to experience an orgasm and its pleasure has always been a gift given to humans by God! I had no idea that God was in business to send our girls to hell and screw them up mentally and emotionally as you are attempting to do.
    Scaring the dickens out of someone’s mother and then expecting her to berate her daughter as being sinful and filthy in her body was just foul and will make many more than just me question your mental and emotional state. Once again, allow me to impress upon you that masturbation is NORMAL. God has not struck anyone dead for doing it since the story of Onan was taken grossly out of context. It does however allow the Catholic Church to demonize all kinds of birth control and inhibiting its discussion between daughters and parents, which has fueled the teen pregnancy epidemic. Psychologists, psychiatrists and sex therapists are making a mint off of women because of thoughtless, untrained and overly-emotional so-called advice columnists like you. No girl should ever be told there is something wrong with them or their body unless it is critical to her PHYSICAL safety. Sadly we are in a generation of sexuality being considered recreational so what must be emphasized is safe-sex practices – even though we already know he only effective method is abstinence. Next time, take a deep breath and really think through your answers. You will be surprised how much respect from parents and teens you will earn back.
    Sincerely,
    Kevin M. O’Brien

    BIOLA University Graduate 1994 and a dad…

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  • Kevin O'Brien

    Dear Amber,
    WOW! Are you some kind of oppressed Christian extremist when it comes to sexuality? How dare you come off with advice telling a mother how to teach her daughter that her body and her normal teenage curiosity and masturbation are sinful and something that will cause her to be damned to hell and become a trollop!
    Your statistics are grossly biased and mostly flat out lies. There is no viable research to support your contention that masturbation leads to increased sexual desires or prostitution. If you had any real educational and clinical training you would never have reacted with such repugnancy and referred to a sex device as a sinful tool leading to self destruction.
    Very few teenage girls who are virgins use anything that actually penetrates themselves, fearing that if they were to break or overly stretch their hymen they would not have the whole ouch and blood thing that so many girls say is part of their first intercourse and their husband would not respect them. That is why clitoral masturbation is most popular with young women. Digital manipulation of their vaginal tissues and clitoris in masturbation is actually estimated to take place in 76% of normal and well adjusted girls 14-18 years old. Self-pleasure is a normal thing and in case you have forgotten it, the capability to experience an orgasm and its pleasure has always been a gift given to humans by God! I had no idea that God was in business to send our girls to hell and screw them up mentally and emotionally as you are attempting to do.
    Scaring the dickens out of someone’s mother and then expecting her to berate her daughter as being sinful and filthy in her body was just foul and will make many more than just me question your mental and emotional state. Once again, allow me to impress upon you that masturbation is NORMAL. God has not struck anyone dead for doing it since the story of Onan was taken grossly out of context. It does however allow the Catholic Church to demonize all kinds of birth control and inhibiting its discussion between daughters and parents, which has fueled the teen pregnancy epidemic. Psychologists, psychiatrists and sex therapists are making a mint off of women because of thoughtless, untrained and overly-emotional so-called advice columnists like you. No girl should ever be told there is something wrong with them or their body unless it is critical to her PHYSICAL safety. Sadly we are in a generation of sexuality being considered recreational so what must be emphasized is safe-sex practices – even though we already know he only effective method is abstinence. Next time, take a deep breath and really think through your answers. You will be surprised how much respect from parents and teens you will earn back. Get it?
    Sincerely,
    Kevin M. O’Brien

    BIOLA University Graduate 1994 and a dad…

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  • Kevin O'Brien

    Dear Amber,
    D’oh! Are you some kind of oppressed Christian extremist when it comes to sexuality? How dare you come off with advice telling a mother how to teach her daughter that her body and her normal teenage curiosity and masturbation are sinful and something that will cause her to be damned to hell and become a trollop!
    Your statistics are grossly biased and mostly flat out lies. There is no viable research to support your contention that masturbation leads to increased sexual desires or prostitution. If you had any real educational and clinical training you would never have reacted with such repugnancy and referred to a sex device as a sinful tool leading to self destruction.
    Very few teenage girls who are virgins use anything that actually penetrates themselves, fearing that if they were to break or overly stretch their hymen they would not have the whole ouch and blood thing that so many girls say is part of their first intercourse and their husband would not respect them. That is why clitoral masturbation is most popular with young women. Digital manipulation of their vaginal tissues and clitoris in masturbation is actually estimated to take place in 76% of normal and well adjusted girls 14-18 years old. Self-pleasure is a normal thing and in case you have forgotten it, the capability to experience an orgasm and its pleasure has always been a gift given to humans by God! I had no idea that God was in business to send our girls to hell and screw them up mentally and emotionally as you are attempting to do.
    Scaring the dickens out of someone’s mother and then expecting her to berate her daughter as being sinful and filthy in her body was just foul and will make many more than just me question your mental and emotional state. Once again, allow me to impress upon you that masturbation is NORMAL. God has not struck anyone dead for doing it since the story of Onan was taken grossly out of context. It does however allow the Catholic Church to demonize all kinds of birth control and inhibiting its discussion between daughters and parents, which has fueled the teen pregnancy epidemic. Psychologists, psychiatrists and sex therapists are making a mint off of women because of thoughtless, untrained and overly-emotional so-called advice columnists like you. No girl should ever be told there is something wrong with them or their body unless it is critical to her PHYSICAL safety. Sadly we are in a generation of sexuality being considered recreational so what must be emphasized is safe-sex practices – even though we already know he only effective method is abstinence. Next time, take a deep breath and really think through your answers. You will be surprised how much respect from parents and teens you will earn back. Now go forth and be an agent of God and stop embarrassing him!
    Sincerely,
    Kevin M. O’Brien

    BIOLA University Graduate 1994 and a dad…

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  • Kevin O'Brien

    Dear Amber,
    Whoa! Are you some kind of oppressed Christian extremist when it comes to sexuality? How dare you come off with advice telling a mother how to teach her daughter that her body and her normal teenage curiosity and masturbation are sinful and something that will cause her to be damned to hell and become a trollop!
    Your statistics are grossly biased and mostly flat out lies. There is no viable research to support your contention that masturbation leads to increased sexual desires or prostitution. If you had any real educational and clinical training you would never have reacted with such repugnancy and referred to a sex device as a sinful tool leading to self destruction.
    Very few teenage girls who are virgins use anything that actually penetrates themselves, fearing that if they were to break or overly stretch their hymen they would not have the whole ouch and blood thing that so many girls say is part of their first intercourse and their husband would not respect them. That is why clitoral masturbation is most popular with young women. Digital manipulation of their vaginal tissues and clitoris in masturbation is actually estimated to take place in 76% of normal and well adjusted girls 14-18 years old. Self-pleasure is a normal thing and in case you have forgotten it, the capability to experience an orgasm and its pleasure has always been a gift given to humans by God! I had no idea that God was in business to send our girls to hell and screw them up mentally and emotionally as you are attempting to do.
    Scaring the dickens out of someone’s mother and then expecting her to berate her daughter as being sinful and filthy in her body was just foul and will make many more than just me question your mental and emotional state. Once again, allow me to impress upon you that masturbation is NORMAL. God has not struck anyone dead for doing it since the story of Onan was taken grossly out of context. It does however allow the Catholic Church to demonize all kinds of birth control and inhibiting its discussion between daughters and parents, which has fueled the teen pregnancy epidemic. Psychologists, psychiatrists and sex therapists are making a mint off of women because of thoughtless, untrained and overly-emotional so-called advice columnists like you. No girl should ever be told there is something wrong with them or their body unless it is critical to her PHYSICAL safety. Sadly we are in a generation of sexuality being considered recreational so what must be emphasized is safe-sex practices – even though we already know he only effective method is abstinence. Next time, take a deep breath and really think through your answers. You will be surprised how much respect from parents and teens you will earn back. Understand now?
    Sincerely,
    Kevin M. O’Brien

    BIOLA University Graduate 1994 and a dad…

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  • Fuck you Amber. I am disappoint.

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  • Well.. wow.. umm… haha.. Geez

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  • I am frankly disgusted by the amount of bigotry and prejudice still in existence in America today. The very fact that someone who is a “christian” would even imply that just because the young man a girl loves deeply could be a terrorist because of no reason but he is muslim forces me to pray that not very many people like Amber exist in America.What Amber sugests , that there may be “jihad traitor lurking around the corner” conjours images of McCarthyism at its worst.Islam , whether many extremist christians would like it or not , is not the enemy. In ancient Damascus when muslims raided they did not force Christians to convert because they viewed them as their brothers because in fact judaism , christianity and Islam all stem from the same base religon. We all , in theory , worship the same god in different ways so i don’t understand why we can’t coexist. It is not the islamic religion that flew that plane into the building 9/11. we are still scared , thus the memories of that horific day may tempt us to blame islam for the day but by adopting Amber’s mindset one only perpetuates the fear and discord the terrorists wished to instill in us. They seek to dismantle the united states and the only way to combat that is to band together as a nation , no matter the religion, and remain united. That is patriotism ,not the persecution of a young muslim boy.

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  • It’s too late. She’s already poked that electric thing too far in… she’s probably broken her maidenhead and no self respecting man will want her anyway. Stop fighting this battle and get ready for the next one… stop her from getting the real thing!

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  • This is what you get when you are actually religious and actually believe in god. I am Christian and I believe in god. BUT i know that there is no such thing as a god and that religion by itself is 1 bigass sin. Religion for me is something to keep me focused and not think about death. Religion is the worst thing that has ever happened to mankind and that chick who said that a dildo is a sinful device. Damn girl, you need to understand that the fucking bible was written 1000 years after jesus. Fuck.

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  • Jesus fucking christ you people are morons. No only is there an extremely low percentage of muslims that actually are terrorists but the chances of an american muslim being one are insanely low. God damn. You people make me sick.

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  • This Site Makes Me SICK.

    It really does. ‘ChristWire’? It’s more like ‘SatanWire’. All you little yuffie trolls can go to hell.

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  • there’s is nothing wrong with masturbation it’s healthy and natural!

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  • Is this site serious?

    Are there really people this dumb out there?
    Once again humanity scares me. Atleast the white, stupid, american, christian and conservative part of humanity.

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  • Well I wouldn’t say that masturbation is a sin, but it’s definitely gross and shameful and you should probably try not to do it. I don’t believe those statistics, but I do know that the more you masturbate, the hornier it makes you, and sex is on your mind more. Which is why if you get into a roll of not doing it, you barely do it at all.

    Also, all of the people who are so concerned about who is masturbating or not and for whatever reasons why is kind of sickening. Why does it bother you if someone raises their kid to believe that treating their body like an amusement park is wrong? Is it because there will be less flesh for you?

    And then all of the vile, venom filled comments aimed at “hateful, ignorant Christians” are so hypocritical that it’s not even funny. There’s nobody more hateful than liberals and atheists like you.

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  • Masturbating is complete normal, i had a quick wank before i went on the cross.

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  • masturbating is perfectly normal.

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  • Haha 3 to 4 hours of gaming a week?! How about 3 to 4 hours a day? I have almost 20 days logged on CoD4 on Xbox Live, what a waste, right?

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  • Elize Von Stratton

    The Stats can be fixed and based on several things. where where the surveys conducted is the first thing to think of . I am wilkling to bet that if every female in the united states was polled and every female took that seriously that the numbers would be alot lower than your posted numbers Amber. Stats can be generated in many ways. Stats are bullshit as they can be swayed as one sees fit.

    Like Did they go to planned parenthood and Abortion clinic as well as those women shelters to protect women who are homeless and or battered? Did they Poll the schools where there is a higher number of pregnancies? Just where did they get thier numbers? Why do you not ever post fully reliable substantially sound websites for your information?

    Now as for the Masterbation thing. lets look at the benefits that so many seem to look past. While a woman is undergoing her period if she where to masterbate while having cramps it will subside the cramps so that she will not have as bad cramps and not need as many medicatiosn during this time. masterbation doesnt lead to the whoring of ones body. if anything its alot better than sex with someone as lets be honest on this fact> Who knows your body better you or the guy ya just married and ya never had sex before nor has he. Is there Christian Videos that talk about proper sex for newlyweds a nd show how to have sex and make sure both orgasm and have a fullfilling sex life A big fat NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So Masterbation helps to discover what feels good so that when your having sex with a secondary partner ( husband or wife depending on gender ) One never has wandering hearts with lead to infedility and later divorce. Unlike men who have life generating material in thier cum with jacking off and spilling seed . the masterbation of a female on a daily bases doesnt prime a female for childbirth immediatly. There is this thing called a cycle that it takes for a egg to drop for fertilization.

    Personally maybe yoiu should be some sick bitch and recommend to parents to go to BDSM websites and get Chastity devices and carry the key for a lock so your teen daughter has to go to wear it 24 /7 so she doesnt masterbate . she will however make messes from her period and when she pisses all over her clothes but those barbaric ways will help. Or betyter yet maybe its time Mommy sleep in bed with her daughter tilkl the day she is married to a man as not to allow her the chance to masterbate.

    If i had a daughter and she was a teen i sure as shit would go out and buy her a few dildos and vibrators as at leastr i would know she was not out fucking around with some guy and getting a STD like HIV,. It ios a proven fact that a sex toy used by one and only one person cant give one a STD

    So Amber how would you get the info on how to have sex if you live in a shelter life no videos no experimentation etc ? Are you some kinda submissive that if married to a man will accept the sex he has with you even if it brings you no pleasure and it gives him pleasure. I dont believe in the male dominated world . Men and behind that a over zealous love for God and misguided principals have ruined humanity as well as the precious earth we live on. Men are not the masters of sex and a woman hasa right to exploration thru masterbatioon be it fingering themselfs or use of sex toys.

    do you ever think that if women knew what they wanted based on the fact they explored thgier bodies while younger they could help thier husnands do things right that the lesbian population would not be as high as it is ? I know myself as well as many other women have been there and where like screw this the guy doesnt klnow what he is doing and no guy on earth can do it so i am going with a female cause at least she knows what she wants and its not like i should marry at least 40 guys to find out who gives me what i want . that would make me worse than a whore however doing things according to your Lord God Lucifer sex married multiple times to find a guy who knows how to give me the Big O

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  • Elize Von Stratton

    Personally i say that most Christians are fucked in the head in some whay or another . they all believe that they are saved buit where is thier faith when they are ill . nowhere as they reach for a pill bottle with whatever it is to make them better . they get cancer these fucks expect thier church to take up a collection to help with thier hospital bills . Jesus christ made at least 2 people raise from the dead and so did the 12 likewise so when one is trully saved they should claim thier sonship/daughtership rights and pray to God and jesus and jesus will heal them of thier illness. come on how many times have a seen some miracle email of how God heals someone of a life threatening cancer . one to many times so if that can happen stop the woe is me shit and have faith ya will be healed without a doctor or chemo or anothing

    Likewise leave masterbation alone ok . right now i would rather hear of people masterbating than of yet another unwed teen having yet another kid . Masterbation doesnt lead to being a prositue and some r5aging nymphomaniac thing . Masterbation releases stress in a stressful world where even as a christian one has to be polly perfect to her congregation . the stress would kill me if not for masterbation .

    One thing to think about if there was not so many self rightuos self centred , concerned about looks , superficial christians looking for the perfect face for a fairytale wedding maybe masterbation would not be such a big issue . how many single women respond to this post and still never touched themself in that way . i bet not a singkle one of you . why are ya not married?

    well here is the reason why . ya want the house with the white picket fence seeking a husband so ya can sit on ya fat ass talking to ya sex in the city best friend and planning that womens retreat where ya gonna have facials , spa and all that kind of things using ya husbands million dollar limit credit card . sipping your 8 dollar coffee as you watch your favorite soap on the 72 inch hd tv with DFirectv and wondering if your husband is gonna sell the 2007 lexus for the 2010 bmw and have that as one of your xmas gifts and hoping to have ya wedding band remounted with a bigger diamond tro show off how blessed ya husband is .

    too high expectations and its time to grow up. I am lesbian and happy with my choice does that mean i began cause of masterbation? nope its a personal choice and not a single person made me into it nor was it masterbation . sadly not qa single one of you keep on topic so it goes to show ya have no life and just wanna be heard and thought of as self important

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  • this thread is full of win

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  • Concerned in San Diego – ROFL

    how many fictional chars and stories you guys gunna make up.

    these ppl dont exist -.-

    this site is just lies trying to get attention (to make money)

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  • People who don’t have a healthy relationship with masturbation and their own body tend to get really crazy. I am also talking about priests, who never masturbate or have sex with any woman. But then they find som elittle altar boy and decides that’s the way Jesus wants you to have sexual release. Masturbation is a blessing and a great way to get to know you’re body and what you are comfortable with. Protected sex is innocent fun and harms no-one. The studies you speak of are either non-existent or conducted by someone who had strong beliefs about masturbation BEFORE the experiment took place.

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  • Repression of sexual desires on that kind of level are not healthy. Taking away her “toy” isn’t going to stop her from masturbating. Or as the uptight reader who sent the email would put it “M”‘ing. Cripes. How small minded and retarded do you have to be before you can’t even TYPE the word “masturbate”? People like you (both the woman with the question and Amber, make me weep for humanity.

    What’s next? Do you start tying her hands to the headboard when she goes to bed at night? Certainly, you don’t want her staying out all hours of the night and hooking up with random boys just for giggles. But where do you draw the line? I’d like to think that you draw it somewhere between setting a curfew, teaching her to hold herself accountable, and telling her not to EVER touch herself because it’s “sinful”. It’s not like kids aren’t self conscious enough. Let’s make them feel guilty about obeying their hormones in the privacy of their own rooms…that will ensure they become well adjust citizens in society, and not the next Jeffery Dahmer. Riiiiiiight.

    Morons.

    -Eric

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  • these articles are so fucking retarded, i cant believe anyone would want your help for shit like this

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  • This writer is a pure dumbfuck. No one should listen to her doped up shit about life. There is nothing wrong with masturbating, It’s natural and no one states that we can’t do it, it isnt even covered by the Bible or Koran. Both of them dont explicitly state that we shouldn’t masturbate. And just because someone is a Muslim doesn’t mean they are going to strap on a homemade bomb and blow some shit up. People these days are just retarded.

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  • “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation ” you mean the dumb bitches who claim to be god fearing Christians and get knocked up by their “gangsta” boyfriends (who, also notably claim to be christian.) and you’re pulling these facts out of your ass. you’re probably doing all of this for the lulz as well.

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  • surely all masturbation will do is lower her sex drive

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  • “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.”

    Studies also show that 47.3% of statistics are made up on the spot.

    Just saying. I think I’ll go be a sinner right now.

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  • I am 12 and what is this?

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  • Yet another person who believes that video games inspire violence… If your child or any person for that matter, is weak minded enough to engage in violent acts from video games, that’s just plain pathetic. I have played, and probably will play video games the rest of my life. I find most of the ones I played artistic an interesting. Granted their are violent ones, but some of them are amazing. Also, I think most evrybody has masturbated at least once. I have, I admit it. More than once. Its natural. or at least, I believe it is. I am not married, and I am still a virgin. I think that their is possibly a better way than just storming in on her and enrolling your daughter into abstinence courses. That probably will evoke rebellion from her.

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  • Ronald Fuches

    Hello, I have been having some strange, and arousing dreams about my co-worker Jose Togo. I awake from this dreams very aroused. WHAT IS GOING ON

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  • I used to be christian, until I read the whole Bible.

    I used to masturbate and feel so guilty that I pray for forgiveness afterwards, until I learned in sex education and grew up that IT’S NORMAL AND HEALTHY.

    FUCK YOU CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIANS, especially fundamentalist/evangelical ones, the most unloving, discriminating bunch !! thanks for making me feel bad that I was molested and taught how to masturbate at a young age by a supposedly god loving christian!

    FUCK YOU IGNORANT BITCH

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  • Islamic extremist is to Islamic as ______ is to Christianity
    The answer? KKK.
    Thank you West Wing. For this, and also for the Presidential bitch slap that is this clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD52OlkKfNs

    Now for the masturbation:
    “Both comprehensive sex education and abstinence only programs delay the onset of sexual activity. However, only comprehensive sex education is effective in protecting adolescents from pregnancy and sexually transmitted illnesses at first intercourse and during later sexual activity.”
    And I can cite my source: http://www.apa.org/releases/sexeducation.html

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  • FEED THE TROLL

    Amber is a racist faggot.

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  • I love this column! Very entertaining. Unless it’s meant to be serious, in which case Amber is a racist.

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  • Masturbation is just plain wrong and disgusting. You need to take this device away from her ASAP and then pray for forgiveness. As Amber says this kind of behavior will lead to worse. You have a real problem on your hands, but its not to late to fix.

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  • I just read the first post about the mom who found out that her daughter was masturbating. And I have to say I do not understand your answer on that one. Before I go any further, I want to say that I believe in our Lord Jesus Christ of all my heart (protestant).
    First things first. Taking away what she is doing is going to worsen things. All humans find illegal things exciting. It is part of our curiosity, we were made with. Second of all, if she has no experience with her body at all, she will be very uncertain as she grows up. This can cause problems within marriage. Another thing is that people can take advantage of her being uncertain, which may cause problems. Over 80% of the world’s population are/have been doing this for a long time. Still, only a a few percent of the population are willingly becoming prostitutes. (USA only 1%) Prositution is often forced upon women who are either kidnapped, drugged or have been living off the street/bad enviroment/extremely poor.

    Of course, I agree that you don’t start with this at any age. But around 12 years old is very natural for children and teenagers to start with masturbating. (Women reach puberty earlier than boys so they might start a year earlier even). And I am pretty sure that neither the Bible or Jesus said anything about banning masturbation. (Of course intercourse with your soulmate would be a lot better, but a child/teenager have not found that yet)

    Alex

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    • shameful_truth

      “Over 80% of the world’s population are/have been doing this for a long time. Still, only a a few percent of the population are willingly becoming prostitutes. (USA only 1%)”

      This sounds like a random numbers pulled outa someone’s no-no zone, to me. Did you not see Amber’s own statistics, blatantly contradicting your “numbers”?

      “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.”

      “Studies show.” WHere they we have it. Please try to think a little bit, or at least do some research, before throwing random numbers out there at us to “prove” your deceitful arguments.

      “Of course intercourse with your soulmate would be a lot better”

      That’s just the kind of liberal filth out there that makes kids start having unmarital relations. I bet you’re probably one of them pedofiles that goes around to middle schools and tells little girls that you’re there soulmate so they should show you they’re no no zones, aren’t you?

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  • It is so imperative that we keep kids from masturbating. One way to do this is to make sure they keep busy all the time, through their school work, sports, church, and daily bible study. Girls who masturbate are more likely to become lesbians or prostitutes.

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  • this is a very disturbing problem in our country right now. when we get Sarah Palin into the White House and the GOP takes control of Congress in 2012, we must and I mean must get federal legislation passed on banning masturbation. It will make the world a much better place.

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  • Okay, first off:

    AHAHAHAHAHAHA, SHE ACTUALLY BELIEVES THAT CRAP, AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Thanks for categorizing some of my best friends as terrorists, jerk. You missed science class, didn’t you?

    DIDN’T YOU?

    Here’s an idea, if your BS advice is allowed to be spread, then I’ll spread my awesome advice, to the lovely, kind, hopefully non-insipid readers on your page.

    This religion is outdated, and its people are contradictory and troublesome. Please stop dragging it outside of your home and forcing it on other people.

    Off my Interwebs now, you stupid hypocrite~

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  • Ahem… AHEM…

    NIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    kthxbai.

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  • concerned reader

    Hi i was just reading this and i cannot believe that anyone here can say masturbating is a sin, or evil, you guys make me feel SICK, as well as make me feel sad to be apart of the human race!, God gave us our own mind and our body, to do as we please, not to be abused, or looked upon as a sinner, for making ourselves feel good!, why in the lords name would God want you to feel bad for making yourself feel good? i just think anyone so shallow, is to set in there own disgust and narrow minded ways, that they cant leave the square the living in. All i can say is get over it! and think a little more about urself instead of bad mouthing others…………..

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  • The advice given here are the worst bullshit I have ever read and the numbers in the advice is pulled out of her ass.

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  • Are you guys for real? Do you really fucking walk around this planet spewing shit out like this? Good god, I really hope that if there is a heaven that’s it’s not full of pieces of shit like you.

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  • Dear Amber,

    I’m in a bit of a hole riht now. I feel as though the more this person brags about herself, I dig a deeper and deeper hole for myself. Let me explain a little. I love to dance! I enjoy dancing Ballet and Modern and so does this young lady, Rose. We go to seperate colleges and she takes dance classes there just for fun. I will begin taking mine this upcoming semester. Rose just got accepted to be a part of a dance company that I’ve been wanting to be a part and all she does is brag about it. Everyone that we both know sort of “praise” her. She seems as though she is perfect. Everyone chooses her first for dances or talk about her constantly. I do deal with insecurities; however, I know that there is a reason for everything and nothin is a coincidence. I do not want to grow bitterness against her, but I feel as though I will start soon if I dont do something about it!
    Help, please.

    -Confused Carmen

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  • Actually a lot of prostitutes were sexually abused or are drug addicts is what I learned. This whole masturbation thing causing a girl to become a prostitution is new to me. While I don’t agree with having dildos, I don’t agree with your facts.

    I also think you’re kinda racist.

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  • What the mother could do in the situation with the daughter is pretend I didn’t see it for a while (as she might be humiliated), seek the Lord on the issue and ask him what to do. He will show you. Depending on the age of the daughter (of course we know she is a teen) but let’s say in the situation the daughter was younger, I would want to know where she got it.

    My fear in taking the dildo away would be that my daughter (if I had one) would act out her sexual desire in other ways. Instead of attacking her sexuality, build her up in God’s love, help her build a strong love relationship with Jesus Christ and in that, as she reads scriptures and grows close to Him, her habits will change. That’s one idea. Not perfect, but one idea.

    Ultimately this mother needs to seek the Lord and see what He tells her to do. Is she to stand still and let Him work, or is she to respond?

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  • Its so funny and yet so hard to read it all. May i suggest a comment highlight page, so i can see the cream of the crop.
    The site is fabulous because its so upsetting to people, on all sides of the religious debate.
    Its equally amusing to see the unintellectual rantings of “spiritual” people, right alongside the unintellectual rantings of atheists and “non-spiritual” people.
    Keep up the good work, love the biting satire.

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  • This site is the most stupid racist thing I have ever read. But let me you ATHEISTS something. Not all the atheist on this website, but the ones who are basically telling everyone that all Christians are idiots. You assholes are no better the racist idot who wrote this article. You see one Christian site that has stupid stuff on it and suddnely 1-2 billion people all around the world are racist idiots. You think Christianity is the only religion with fundamentalists! Their are Islam funamentalists who crash planes into buildings and blow up trains. I haven’t heard of any Christians Fundamentalists who have done that. TOLERANCE is suppose to be what this country is about, tolerance for all races and religions! Freedom of religion is in their to. I am sorry if 0.5% of the Christian populations abuse this power to make racist websites like this. BUT THEY ARE NOT THE MAJORITY. I know plenty of good Christians so why don’t you people just keep your mouths shut with the god bashing stuff. You believe what you want and so will we. Makes everybody happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  • LOL SMILEY FACE LOL RAPE FACE

    WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER DOES IS HER BUSINESS YOU FAKE CHRISTIANS LEAVE HER ALONE!!! BLAH BLAH BLAHwy$DSGGDAGHGDSAJDSAKJAGDSDSASADSA

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  • Dear Ember.
    It saddens me to see people that in this day and age can still believe that masturbation is a sin; it’s a normal part or a person’s sexual development.
    I am truly sorry that you are such an idiotic person, but what really annoys me it’s the fact that other ignorant followers actually listen to your “advice”, do you seriously think that God, on its all knowing form, would allow us to masturbate if he/she didn’t want us to? He/she obviously doesn’t concern him/herself with such trivial and little events.
    Besides I still cannot conceive that “people” actually consider the existence of God as a real thing, God is there because we made it, every culture has had its deities before, they were all, on its given time, proven wrong.
    I sincerely hope that you and your kind realize the stupidity of your actions, and embrace reality, your kin stops progress, and we, as a species, need to move on.

    P.S. I was unable to confirm your sources, so I regard them false, unless you can prove me wrong. And I am deeply disappointed, expected more of a person that provided such “knowledge” presenting it as facts.

    – Ornias

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  • What the hell?? Who said that 87% of women that masturbate become prostitutes? I am a christian and I have a firm believe in Christ, but I mastubate, and get good grades, and have high hopes for my career, but is masturbation going to take over and force me into prostitution. Damn, in sex ed they told us it was perfectly healthy! Oh my god, you are just God Fearing morons, this is complete bullshit. Mastubation is perfectly normal in male and female teenagers, and i bet that if you quizzed every successful woman in the world, they will agree with me. And not all muslims are terrorists, you biggot. Looks like I will see you in hell then, if I masturbate and your a biggot, maybe we will meet up down there some time.

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  • Dear Amber,
    I’m beginning to wonder if you ever were a teenager. Or did you just continuously cut your damn ugly pussy in order to stop masturbating?

    Sincerely,
    Go fuck yourself

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  • Masturbation causes pregnancy? Geez Amber, why didnt you warn me earlier? For all I know I could be pregnant with a vibrator baby right now.

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  • Okay, for starters this whole thing is crazy. I have been masturbating for a very very very long time. It is perfectly natural and believe it or not healthy. Exploring your own body is important. And no she is not a slut or a prostitute, she is not going to become one and she is definitely NOT sinning. I am 21 years old, in college, I work 2 jobs and have NEVER had sex for money EVER. I’m actually a straight “A” student and very loved, respected and successful. In fact the only thing I love more than gaining knowledge through school Is having Hott, passionate, kinky sex with my boyfriend and being able to tell all you nutty christian fucks about it. Let her live her own life, at least she is using a toy (i have 3 toys btw) and not using some disease infested boy. I for one am proud of her for having the courage to be herself especially since she obviously lives in a oppressive, fairytale, judging household. Buy her some Double A batteries and be thankful.

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  • fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck christwire and all its brainwashing faggot shit. go to hell you fucking good for nothing non masterbaters. masterbation is very fun and if god didnt like it he wouldntve made sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!

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  • Dear Amber.
    Please stop spewing stats you ripped out of your arse, and stop spewing out all this christian bullshit.

    If you go forth and state “studies say”, then link the damn studies. If the links are not anywhere to be found, there are 2 assumptions.
    1. They do not exist.
    2. You just pulled the stats out of your ass.

    Stop doing this bullshit, honestly.

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  • @Amber,

    That is one of the most sickest, unsourced and dumbest arguments I have ever heard. First, source this study please, or else try to fail less.

    Secondly, morality is relative and subjective. If your moral philosophy says masturbation is bad, you can’t dogmatically enfroce that on others.

    Thirdly, the desire for your daughter to seek companionship is a normal thing for Humans to experience, whether she masturbates or nto.

    Fourth, anyone who follows Ambers advice is almost cmmitting child abuse by forcing dogmatic ideals onto their lives when their mind is so young.

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    • Correction: her daughter*

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    • You are an idiot if you think anything on this website is meant to be taken seriously. It’s a farce – a joke. It’s not run by Christians and it’s not intended to be taken as anything other than satire.

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  • Amber… you are quite correct in saying that teenage girls diddling themselves with their fingers, or using a phallus, are engaging in a sinful act, of Satan… but the fact that it is a ‘natural’ impulse created something of a conundrum, doesn’t it? There is a way out of this, however. Concerned Christians need to place a Christ-Cock in their daughters’ Easter baskets on the Easter after their 14th birthday. The Christ-Cock is a battery-operated crucifix, that cums in various sizes. The Christ-Cock vibrates quite nicely, it has 3-speeds, and the over-sized ‘crown of thorns’ on Our Savior’s bowed head, is positioned so as to stimulate the young ladies clits, directly, at full penetration. Also, it is quite safe, since Our Lord’s arms… nailed to the crossbar of the Christ-Cock… prevents this Holy Phallus from being inserted too far. So, in a sense, your daughter is being protected by the loving embrace of Jesus Christ-Hisself. Also, each Christ-Cock is pre-blessed by a clergyman of the appropriate Christ-cult sect, and if desired (for a modest fee) a clergyman can be sent-over to demonstrate the use of the Christ-Cock in the privacy of the daughter’s bedroom, and provide hands-on instruction on the operation of this delightful dick. Rather than being a sin, each self-diddling episode might better be regarded as the equivalent of a prayer.

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  • Dear Amber,
    I have a simple question for you, do you really believe in the bull$h!t lies that you give. I mean honestly is it possible for a human being to be so ignorant as you are. I mean not to insult your beliefs, but really i would please ask you to think and research before you give children the wrong message and end up fcking up their lives.

    Thank you for your time

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  • SSG Hoggard

    This site makes all christians look bad. I am Catholic and had a hard time swallowing any of Ambers “advise”. She quotes unknown studies, condemns all muslims ( most are very nice people ), who by the way worship THE SAME GOD.

    I have spent more than 2 years of my life in Iraq. 9 years in the war on terror. And have never before heard such racist eliteist propeganda in my life.

    I’d like to see these “studies” for myself so that i can laugh.

    Have a nice day.

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    • How can you claim to be a soldier for America and yet a friend to terrorists? I won’t call you Benedict Arnold, but really I fail to see how you speaking well of a people who wish death on us is patriotic.

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  • Vinnie Jones

    Damn…anyone else hard?

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  • Amber I highly doubt you are in any way shape or form an expert. How is masturbation wrong? I believe people are smart enough to know the difference between right and wrong. I do not think that people sit around masturbationg, have this bright idea to become prostutoes and go out and have mutliple orgies.

    What is in the point of the mother talking to her daughter about this subject clearly her daughter. Has an open-mind about things compared to her. There is nothing wrong in taking charge of your sexuality. If you don’t know what feels good and what doesn’t then its useless when your in a committed relationship with someone.

    Relationships aren’t always about communication, love and trust. Intimacy is apart of it as well which lead into sexual intimacy. How is a person going to please their partner if they have no idea how to please themselves.

    Why would God create people to have thoughts of sex and so on, if he doesn’t agree with it. Apparently we are all made in his image, if that’s true then he too also enjoys sex!

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  • Good news! Of course it’s okay for your Christian daughter to masturbate… as long as she is really a Christian and as long as she does it in a proper, Christian way. I recommend one hour of prayer and silent contemplation before the deed and at least two hours of pious reflection and further prayer afterwards. It’s not a bad idea to throw in a couple of hours of solid, uninterrupted Bible study after all of that (and by the way, best to get all of this started in the morning cause it’s going to be a long day!) and sleeping outside in the cold that night is also recommended for ascetic, cleansing purposes. If your daughter really wants to be in good stead with Christ I also recommend singing a hymn or two during the deed. “Onward Christian Soldiers” has a nice, lively cadence and might strike just the right inspirational tone. If she follows this plan, when your daughter wakes up the next morning she’ll be totally forgiven. Hallelujah! By the way, this plan is just for daughters, your sons don’t need to worry about any of this.

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  • I’m going to masturbate now cos i feel horny. I like to put my two fingers inside my labia on tap on my pelvic bone, it feels great. suggest it to your daughter.

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  • I HOPE ALL YOU STUPID PEOPLE WHO ARE BASHING CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALISTS UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WEBSITE IS 99% SATIRE CREATED BY PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT CHRISTIANS. THE BIBLE DOES NOT SAY MASTURBATION IS A SIN AND THIS WEBSITE IS A JOKE.

    Here’s a story about the threat of Dog-Human Hybrids:
    http://christwire.org/2009/08/chinese-scientists-invent-human-dog-hybrids/

    ARE YOU PEOPLE SO STUPID THAT YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT CHRISTIANS BELIEVE?

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  • I think the statistics you gave are fabricated. Masturbation leads to prostitution! Wow, what a connection. I think what leads to prostitution is the need for money. If the lady follows your advice and throws her daughter out for being a normal teenagers then and only then would be might have to be a prostitute.

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  • “Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate?” NO!, I need to help her.

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  • Christina Tucker

    none of those statistics are true…90% of girls became pregnant because of masturbation? no they became pregnant because they had sex. that’s how babies are made. one doesn’t auomatically lead to another

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  • This website is hot. We need more sexy posts like this.

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  • Awesome troll is awesome. I salute you.

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  • “Take the sinful device away from her” Newflash, sweetie, you don’t neccassarily need a dildo to masterbate. Happy fearmongering and enjoy your repression!

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  • TheCandyChick

    Extremely racist. Extremely biased. Extremely… out of fashion.
    Go die in a fire, Amber.

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  • This girl needs a hug from her mother and father. She should also be told that sex is inherently dangerous: STD’s, pregnancy, etc… However, they should also tell her that masturbation is better than sex, before marriage that is. It’s better to have her pleasure herself than to seek it from a random person. Also, it will give her a better understanding of her own body, so when she’s ready to give herself to her husband, she will know how to make herself happy.
    The bottom line is that her family needs to love her, especially her father, so that she doesn’t seek love and warmth from some random man. Yes, girls will run to men to replace what they don’t get from their father. So you can use the old adage “if you don’t hug your daughter, someone else will”.

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  • If you do not allow your daughter to masturbate, then she will satisfy all her sexual needs by exploring a real person. Masturbation is completely healthy and everyone should be doing it. It is not sinful and should not bring shame. Your daughter needs to explore her body so she can be comfortable with herself.

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  • Just gonna leave an insult here: You’re a stupidass. My boyfriend is smarter than you in every goddamn way.

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  • I think the number of comments that condemn what is said in this article speak by itself. This way of thinking is way too obsolete (and ones could say dangerous) to be said publicly without anyone being offended.

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  • AMBER I REALLY NEED YOU.
    Help me Amber, I am an unholy 18 year old with phallic decives of my own and I need you to show me how to be a good little
    christian rascist like yourself. I would really like to meet with you so I can SLAP YOU IN THE FACE.
    I think it would cure me. or at least make me feel better,
    Jesus loves me.

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  • Proudstrongandunshakable

    Masturbation promotes health and a healthy sex life in the future.

    Christians are the scum of the earth. Soon, all religions will be vanquished from this earth that should be the home of happy people, not mindless drones.

    Christians, muslims, jews, hindus etc. You are like bees, droning around without intelligence, stinging people with your lies. Although I do like bees.

    So, you are not worthy to live upon this earth. Die, christians, or launch yourself into space so we real people don’t have to look down at you in pity and loathing anymore.

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  • Mexicans Think They're People...LOL

    NO! It is not ok for your unmarried daughter to masturbate!!! Unless she wants to spend her afterlife in the hands of the infinitely evil Satan you tie her down, take your belt off, and beat the masturbation out of her. Yeah that’s it…now spank her a little. Ya, just lightly like that. Little harder now. Ya she likes that doesn’t she? Now spank her with your hand. Squeeze her bum a little too. Yeah that’s the stuff. Now lick your finger and run it down her crack. Ya, she likes where this is going. This will teach her.

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  • hey, heads up

    http://www.imagefap.com/image.php?id=513994992&pgid=&gid=2398736&page=0

    there’s my dick. gonna jack it off right now to something. stop me if you can.

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  • i love this site if i need a good laugh at some fundamentalist nut jobs i come here, if only i could speak arabic i would be able to laugh at the fundamental muslims as well.

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  • Amber,
    I am a devout Satanist, an oft ignored branch of Christianity, how might I go about converting the youth of today into following our teachings? How might I convince them that God and Satan are real, and that we follow the correct deity?

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  • we are all here to help mom but, without reasonably well-lit footage of what exactly your daughter is doing with the device, we speak from ignorance. it is your duty as a god-fearing woman to upload some video & send us the link. hurry now! while there is still time to help. bless you.

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  • What a sick, twisted, brainwashed site!!!!! Masturbation is evil and a sin??? What in the blue hell is wrong with you people, defying human natures natural actions and urges, the same urges that constitute your purpose on this planet, to reproduce! Sick, sick people!!! You all need to be stopped before you infect any more innocent minds. Shame on you all.

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  • A mother is concerned because she found a dildo in her daughters room. She doesn’t know what to do and comes here for advice. This is the advice she gets:

    “You need to immediately take that sinful device from your daughter. Masturbation is another form of pornography that will infest your daughter’s mind and serve as a gateway to far worse sexual activities.
    Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.
    Masturbation will make your daughter very comfortable exploring her body, and it will not be long until she begins to envision other people partaking in the deviant behavior with her.
    This will of course lead to your daughter seeking out a male companion, or even female. As a teenager, your daughter’s mind is not yet developed enough to handle the pressures and responsibilities of being sexually active. It will lead to great sorrow in her life if you don’t put a stop to it right now.
    So first, have a talk with your daughter and pray with her. Pray all that sinful desire of masturbation right out of her heart. Throw the device away, and then enroll her in some abstinence counseling sessions. These will teach your daughter the value and need of respecting her body until marriage. Masturbation is very unnatural and by taking proactive steps to get this bizarre behavior out of your teen’s life, you’ll ensure she has a better future.
    -Amber”

    Now let me ask you.. Can’t you see that most of these statements are utterly false. The advice given here will do nothing leave you with a lot of frustration, depression, and false values. I’d like to see some of these statistics. If you ask 1000 prostitutes if they masturbated as a kid, what do you think the answer’s going to be? And what if you asked the same question to 1000 “good Christian women”?

    1000 Christians = No, I’m going to lie and say I never did, or I’m going to say I did before I found the Lord and all my sins were washed away.

    1000 Prostitutes = Yes, I just don’t care what you think of me.

    You can NOT run statistic analysis this way. It will not give you the correct answer. Of course, the people who allegedly did this research, knew this all too well.

    Amber, I wish I could talk to you and try to make you see how wrong this is. You are teaching people to think of themselves as dirty, disgusting objects, when in reality (sorry for using that word), we are beautiful, sexual beings. I have heard that some people think like you, but this is the first time I’ve actually seen it, and I must say, it is quite disturbing.

    You should not be giving advice to people at all, Amber. It is hurting them, and I hope some day you will realize this and do something about it.

    Sincerely,
    Per.

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  • wtf? are you stupid!? yes control your daughter, show her that you want to push her away but saying what she cant do
    going through her stuff? now your destroying trust
    is this a help site or a site of creating children into hating the parents?

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  • Semi-SolidSandwichSausage

    The prostate is a gland of the male reproductive system. It is not found in women. Its primary function is the production of seminal fluid, and it also stimulates orgasm in males. The prostate gland can be affected by disease, including infectious inflammation or prostatitis, and prostate cancer, the second most deadly cancer among American males. Many people recommend milking the prostate regularly as a preventative treatment against prostate cancer and prostatitis.

    Prostate milking is also referred to as prostate massage. It is a fairly simple procedure and you can do it yourself if you want to. Here are the steps to take in milking the prostate on your own:

    1. Perform urination or a bowel movement in order to maximize the relaxation of the area.

    2. Make sure that your fingernails are trimmed and have no jagged edges jutting out.

    3. Clean your body and your hands thoroughly. Then put on a sterile latex glove on your hand. Dab a little water-based lubricant on your fingers.

    4. Carefully insert your finger or fingers into your anus. Move them gradually upwards and to the back, along the area of the rectum towards the front of your body. Your fingers should be moving in roughly the direction of your navel.

    5. You will feel the prostate gland, which is like a small, round bulb about the size of a large walnut. Gently massage it with a light waving motion along its sides, taking care not to press hard on the central area, where the sensitive nerves are located. Avoid touching the prostate gland with your fingernails.

    6. You may experience a disconcerting sensation that makes you feel like going to the bathroom although you do not have to. Try not to let it affect you, and continue with the procedure.

    7. After a few minutes, the prostate gland may be stimulated enough for ejaculation to occur. You are also likely to experience sexual pleasure or orgasm. However, the procedure does not always successfully bring about ejaculation.

    8. Remove fingers from anus, smell, then wipe clean of poo with a tissue or damp cloth. Wait 2-3 hours and repeat if necessary.

    Prostate milking when used as a preventative treatment may carry a few risks. It is a technique that is not recommended for men who have a disease of the prostate or acute prostatitis, an acute inflammation of the glandular tissue. The problem in such cases is that the act of milking the prostate may cause the infection to spread to other areas of the body.

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  • Dear Amber,
    For a christian, you sure do lie a lot. A LOT. Isn’t that a mortal sin all and of its own with the amount of lying and fear-mongering you’re committing in this article? You talk about having ‘loose’ morals, if you’re willing to lie to millions of people on the internet, what other evil things are you willing to lie about?

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  • MollytheHomogay

    PLEASE tell me this guy is trolling!

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  • you bible thumpers are really stupid if you believe your daughter is going to be a hooker if she plays with dildos or vibrators, let her be, let her enjoy herself. At least these toys won’t have her knocked up before she leaves high school. If you would know how many of your daughters or wives have such things, you would be suprised you didn’t have more hookers in your street, plus the price of pussy would really drop! Oh and the mother that found these, you should try some toys yourself and loosen up that dry cunt of yours, it’s supposed to be fucked regularly not kept dry for years, it’ll start to stink, let it air out once in a while!

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  • Is this lady a joke? Where do you get statistics like this? Christian teens aren’t ALL living their lives like saints. They’re TEENAGERS! They may need to explore in order to not have sexual reppression. I think God would much rather see masturbation occur than pre-marital sex. Wow, this is interesting.

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  • I MASTURBATE EVERY NIGHT LOLOLOL I’M NO DIFFERENT TO ANY OF YOU DUMB CHRISTIAN CUNTZ
    FUCK CHRISTIANITY IN THE ASSHOLE NOMNOM I LUV DA DICK IN N AROUND MY PUSSY AND MY MOUTH

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  • If God didn’t want us to masturbate, why did He give us fingers and hands?

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  • Reverend Dennis Teel

    masturbation is normal and not a sin.nowhere in the bible does it state such.twisting of scripture can mislead one into believing so however.the only thing that i see as being possibally harmful is if this person is so addicted that it eats up her life and ina radical case as that can possibally keep her from finding a healthy romantic relationship with someone in the future.legalism is legalism..christianity is christianity..legalism says that bruce willis movies are evil because they’re R not true christianity.legalism spouts that a person that listens to rock music is going to hell.it isn’t christ that teaches that,it’s religion/.when a person intimidtaes the flock into obeying law instead what christ teaches,it becomes a cult,not christianity anymore.these so called ministers that yell that watching movies and listening to rock music will send you to hell?these are cult leaders.legalists like Jim Jones…remember him? i watch movies alot ,i listen to rock music alot but i also have a moving spiritual relationship with christ./god doesn’t pronounce lightening on you for watching an R movie.what he’s interested in is your accepting him as lord and christ.not giving yourself to the jimmy swaggarts and hagees of the world.they need people to preach law to as they’re natural control freaks so to speak.they’re personalities fit the bill perfectly/.don’t attempt at living by the letter.the letter kills(spiritually).onlky listen to christ and what he convicts you to do and not do.

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  • your fucking sick its non of your bisness is she chooses to masterbate its a natural thing like sex is not sinful at all everyone who agrees with this websit eis going to hell for being so judgemental its discuting and you should be ASHMENED of your self it fucking unnatural to judge so many people and so many things

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  • Dear Amber,

    You’re a fucking idiot. Have fun being a brainwashed bible thumping zombie with no thoughts of your own. You’re seriously fucked in the head lunatic bad shit crazy.

    You make me sick, you really do. I wish that you turned to drugs in your time of need instead of hiding behind the bible.

    If you ever, I mean EVER went to see a real psychiatrist, you would be sent straight to a mental institution you crazy fucking bitch. If there is a God, I hope he offs you first.

    Also, you are not a real Christian. I don’t know what God you’re worshiping, but he sounds more like the devil to me.

    And get the fuck off the internet, no one wants to hear you trying to “interpret” and spread “the word”. You make normal Christians look bad. Kill yourself and you will finally meet who you’ve been worshiping all these years.

    Sincerely,

    The guy who just hoed your life.

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  • “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication. ”

    What absolute garbage. Masturbation has nothing to do with women becoming prostitutes nor becoming pregnant. How can you willingly deceive people to push a close minded agenda.

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  • nigga u high

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  • Amber, you a a terrible person and giving people VERY bad advice.

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  • this is a joke, right? there is no way that anyone who isn’t psychotic would buy into anything on this site. it has to be a joke….right?

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  • You are very right about Christians marrying a Muslim. Loving guys or girls who are not Christians is not encouraged in the Bible. Marrying a Muslims is sin. As Muslims don’t believe that Jesus is God. Why should we marry them? Are we not bringing disgrace and dishonor to Jesus by marrying a Muslim who doesn’t respect or worship Jesus?? Its pathetic to see a christian marry a Muslim. If a Muslim denies Quran and accepts Bible then you can marry. Otherwise not.

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  • That one bitch

    Who here apart from me, realizes that this site doesn’t put real christian’s views? It’s making fun of christians people. it’s FAKE. F.A.K.E it’s a site for extreme responses, from people who don’t really think that. Amber isn’t a sick, twisted soul. (like some of you had said) she’s some bitch, with a job on this site, who writes out extreme christian responses to questions. i’m sure she would’t take her daughters vibrator away. and i’m sure she wouldn’t tell her daughter the guy she likes is a terrorist. and i’m sure she wouldn’t make her son pray for two hours every time he plays an hour.
    she’s probably just an openminded person, who got a job on this site because she can come up with an extreme christian response.
    come on people.
    get real.

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  • this shit is funny as hell. i can’t stop laughing

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  • A resonable soul

    Wow. I will NEVER ask advice from this whack-job. She has her chastity belt on a bit too tight.

    Masturbation is normal. My parents and my wife’s parents screwed both of us up mentally because they were so inhibited and had the same views as this ultra-conservative nut bag. We have been married 21 years. We are christian and we have 4 kids. We ENCOURAGE our children to masturbate and know their own bodies. We did not force it on them. We waited till they discovered it and then told them it was OK. We now have a very close family and we can talk about anything with each other.

    My son and daughters are straight A students, they have healthy sexual appetites and they know how to control it. They don’t do drugs or drink. They don’t hang around with scummy kids who’s parents don’t care about them.

    I will no longer tolerate the screwed up society the ultra-christian-conservative-whack-jobs have created. I want to be close to my kids and know they can talk to me about anything. I couldn’t do that with my parents.

    We need to fix this problem and this is how I can do my part.

    Hey Amber – SHUT THE FUCK UP! Go buy yourself and dildo, clean the cobwebs from your crotch and enjoy what God gave you. Damn you’re dumb!

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  • Ohh, one more thing.

    Bush, he said he was a good Christian, I think a lot of people would agree.

    He started two wars while in office, killed thousands of people. Many more than died in 9/11 were killed at the hands of the US army under command of Bush.

    God, you people are stupid sometimes, fuck.

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  • “ALL MUSLIMS ARE NOT TERRORISTS, this is a PSA to the people of Dumbfuckistan, the Koran is very, very, very, very, very, similar to the Bible, the stories are different, but the messages and morals are the same”

    This is a COMPLETE lie, and is the propaganda that the islamofascists and terrorist apologizers would have you believe. There is NO SUCH THING as moderate Islam.

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  • Haha, freaking amazing comment. I couldn’t torture myself to read this all the way through, but hell yes.

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  • you tell’er Fallen
    good job!
    MASTUBATION
    MASTURBATION
    OMG
    are you scared now amber?

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  • you need to be a bit more careful there

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  • The first problem with her response to the Wisconsin girl is that she has no basis to suggest that the boy is a terrorist other than his religion. There are many terrorists, from all kinds of religions, and placing a teenage boy in with them just because he prays to a phony god a different way than you do is ridiculous. And the idea that she should ask the boy if he is a terrorist and run if he gets upset is even more ridiculous! Of course this boy will be upset by being asked such a question. It’s racist and discriminatory and downright insulting!
    Wisconsin girl in love, Love knows nothing about Race, Religion, or Gender. Love is LOve, and if it finds you than you will have no greater pleasure than to grab it and hold on to it.

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  • If the boy does say he is not a terrorist, will you be satisfied or will you still doubt him ?
    I doubt you would trust any words out of his mouth no matter what he has to say.

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  • Good Advice Pat. I am also the father of a beautiful teenage girl and would not want her in this situation. There are so many honest and decent Christian boys out there so why take the chance?

    I’m very close to her and taught her good morals from a very young age and I know that she will save herself for marriage and make good decisions. All of the non-believers should take more responsibility for their inadequate parenting skills.

    God Bless,
    Bubba.

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  • Pony Nugget

    Stop worrying about terrorism, there are far more real threats to you and your family.

    Total deaths, 1995-2005:

    Driving off the road: 254,419
    Falling: 146,542
    Accidental poisoning: 140,327
    Dying from work: 59,730
    Walking down the street: 52,000
    Accidentally drowning: 38,302
    Killed by the flu: 19,415
    Dying from a hernia: 16,742
    Accidental firing of a gun: 8,536
    Electrocution: 5,171
    Being shot by law enforcement: 3,949
    Terrorism: 3,147
    Carbon monoxide in products: 1,554

    http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2006/09/71743

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  • guys your missing the main point
    WHAT THE FUCK
    does this old shit’s comment have to do with
    MASTURBATION OH YEA
    MASTURBATION MAN
    fuck the motherfucking terrorists
    just go home flip on the http://www.youporn.com and
    masturbate the fuck out of your self.

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  • Agnostic,

    Amber is not a retardo, she is a mongoloid and autistic, I know this because I am her quasi legitimate father. I got drunk on the power of god and fucked this sheep, it become swollen and had to be euthanized, however, I was able, with god’s super powers, to implant the zygote into my uterus, gestate it for 14 months, and poop out Amber, the freckled mongoloid slave. I had to implant her, life begins at conception!! And if anyone objects I’ll come to their house and fuck their household pets, and potted plants…

    Tyson…

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  • Agnostic Infidel,

    Your life must be miserable without Jesus. I will pray for your soul tonight. Leave Amber alone!

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  • Amber is completely correct in her assessment of Muslims. I would not want my daughter to be involved in this situation.
    Even Muslim Americans that have lived in this country for a very long time are still much more likely to physically abuse their wives and sometimes even kill them for “honor” crimes. Read the article about the Muslim TV network owner who recently decapitated his wife wiht a sword if you still don’t believe me.

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  • Bubba,

    I had a great time last night, no other man has made me cum so hard before, please, take the extra $20 I left on the nightstand and get those goiters fixed..

    So glad to be in your life, and rectum

    jesus…

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  • Tyson Bowers III

    STOP IT!! STOP IT!!! I MEAN IT! YOU’D BETTER STOP OR ELSE! I MIGHT START CRYING!!!!!

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  • Dear Amber and all of you people who agree with her,

    You all, down to the very last non-believing cell in my body, disgust me. You wonder why atheists and agnostics despise religion, but I’ll give you a hint: it’s this sort of propaganda and lies that instills that hate in our ferociously beating hearts. You call a sex drive as a teenager “sinful”? You were obviously born without any genitalia. And christians shouldn’t date muslims because they’re all potential terrorists? You are one of the most racist and heartless human beings I’ve met. “Imagine the sorrow in your parents hearts if this young man is one of the hundreds of millions of Muslims who could potentially be working with homegrown terrorists, and he did something to harm you. Would that not be a cruel fate to place on your parents?” How can you even say that? And I just LOVE how you say that if that girl asks the boy if hes a terrorist and he gets offended that he’s probably a terrorist. You just can’t make that shit up. You might as well ask a hispanic man if he’s illegal or if he has to go work in the fields today; that sort of question is racist and its a disgusting stereotype.

    You see, you will call me a heathen because I masturbate, have dated muslims, christians, atheists and more, engage in premarital sex (oh no, prepare the noose!), smoke weed, and don’t believe in your god (or any, for that matter), but I will still have the comfort in knowing that I’m better than you. I will still have the joy in knowing that I’m not a narrow minded bastard who doesn’t even understand my own religion. So, while I’m being a good person, you can all fuck off.

    With love,

    Your Disgusted Atheist

    PS. Stay classy, fellow atheists.

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  • Dear Amber and all of you people who agree with her,

    You all, down to the very last non-believing cell in my body, disgust me. You wonder why atheists and agnostics despise religion, but I’ll give you a hint: it’s this sort of propaganda and lies that instills that hate in our ferociously beating hearts. You call a sex drive as a teenager “sinful”? You were obviously born without any genitalia. And christians shouldn’t date muslims because they’re all potential terrorists? You are one of the most racist and heartless human beings I’ve met. “Imagine the sorrow in your parents hearts if this young man is one of the hundreds of millions of Muslims who could potentially be working with homegrown terrorists, and he did something to harm you. Would that not be a cruel fate to place on your parents?” How can you even say that? And I just LOVE how you say that if that girl asks the boy if hes a terrorist and he gets offended that he’s probably a terrorist. You just can’t make that shit up. You might as well ask a hispanic man if he’s illegal or if he has to go work in the fields today; that sort of question is racist and its a disgusting stereotype.

    You see, you will call me a heathen because I masturbate, have dated muslims, christians, atheists and more, engage in premarital sex (oh no, prepare the noose!), smoke weed and drink, and don’t believe in your god (or any, for that matter), but I will still have the comfort in knowing that I’m better than you. I will still have the joy in knowing that I’m not a narrow minded bastard who doesn’t even understand my own religion. So, while I’m being a good person, you can all fuck off.

    With love,

    Your Disgusted Atheist

    PS. Stay classy, fellow atheists.

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  • yes and read any story in most papers in the western world about domestic abuse or even murder. Freak. Get a life. o btw religon sucks, you fight for your imagainery friend :| weird

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  • ambers right fuck muslims
    but ambers also wrong dont fuck muslims
    LOL

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  • oh my God!!! That comment about Muslims is definitely uncalled for. My best friends are Muslim. I know several Muslim guys and girls. None of them, I repeat, NONE OF THEM would hurt our country. They are some of the sweetest, smartest, most down to earth people I know and don’t you dare say that any Muslim is a terrorist. What about those London bombings? hm?? Were they Muslims? No. Were they terrorists? yeah. They were. Watch what you say. This is American, home for ALL Of us and those Muslims who I love so much love this country as much as any white person in this Country.

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  • Thou shall not use the name of the Lord in vain, your blasphemous idiot. I feel sorry for people like you that will never believe in the true power of the Lord. You will regret your sinful choices when the reckoning begins.

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  • Dear Sir,

    I have reported your offensive comments to the owner of this site. Don’t think that you can hide behind the anonymity of the Internet because God is always watching. I will pray for your wretched soul and hope that one day the power of our Lord Jesus Christ will find you.

    God Bless,
    Bubba

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  • I still would not trust him.

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  • Bubba, Lover, Snicklepuss,

    Geez buddy why so serious?? The Reckoning is nothing more than a serious of Kirk Cameron movies that I forced him to make because I have some compromising pictures of him at a “Receiving the Gift Party”, you know, one of those parties you go to and blow like 60 guys who have AIDS and therefore receive the gift of HIV Semen, in fact, I have this particularly gnarly one where Kirk Cameron has Allen Thicke’s cock stuffed like 15/16ths in his ass, and he has the most adorable wet brown eyes that just make you want to skull fuck the shit out of them. Anyway I digress, have fun smoking crank in your trailer you fucking sheep. I hope your kids forgive you when you get outted from the closet ten years from now by your “friend” from the gym…. Come on….. You know which one I mean tiger… Grrrrrrrrrrrrr….

    Your lord and saviour,

    Jesus H Christ..

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  • Hey Bubba.

    I worry about your soul on the day of reckoning when God will hold you and all the people who write this site stand before Him, scared out of your mind when He holds you responsible for turning them away from Him. How dare you claim you are christians. The word does not even apply to you. To be christian is to be Christ like. A quality most try to obtain but that you clearly don’t understand.

    Now to everyone who reads this site,

    Please forgive christians for the crazy idiots who claim God. I don’t think he is to keen on them. As stated above christianity is to be Christ like and even Christ was willing to save the prostitute John 8:7, amd he came to save the terrorists you are so afraid of Matt.15:21-28, and John 4:11-30. I don’t think they know this though. I have seen many people ask for referance so if i quote anything i will try to give the exact referance but nobody is perfect. If you have any questions you would like to ask my url is myspace.com/emhk19. Sorry guys but my email server is down or i would give that.

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  • My friend, how would a prostitute know she’s a sinner if know one rebuked her actions?

    Yes, there is deliverance, but to be delivered one must first understand what they have done wrong. Yes?

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  • Agreed! This Amber person is an idiot and makes all Christians look bad. We’re not all stupid and close-minded, I promise.. :\

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  • What I find shocking is how many people this day and age think being Muslim is a race.

    Your example is horrible because I white man, just like any other race, can be a Muslim. Muslim is not a race. I had to address this fact in several emails as well. When you hear ‘Muslim’, you may be tempted to think Persian or Arab (do you even appreciate the difference?). When I hear Muslim, I think a follower of Islam and one who may appreciate a different culture than that traditional to the politics and culture of America.

    So my question to you use, why are you ‘racist’ against those of Arab or Persian descent? Why do you assume a Muslim cannot be a white male, which your comment here suggests.

    That said, homegrown terrorism is a very real concern that has been confirmed by government and media findings in this nation. At the heart of it are Muslims. That’s a legitimate concern. Also, when it all comes down to it a person should not buck parental authority on advice on such issues. You always err on the side of caution and allow parents the grounds to take necessary precautions.

    So to you, please stop being racist and also instead of trying to take the easy road of appearing enlightened (which you can work on, since you may not know the difference between creed and race), snap into reality and realize that the threat of Homegrown Terror (sometimes warranted, sometimes not) and interpersonal family issues (which are complex and should not be arbitrarily bucked just to look like a nice) that take precedent to many factors.

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  • That’s just ugly and uncalled for.

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  • Anti Amber Cooper

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha oh my word.

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  • Christians aren’t all stupid and close minded? Uh, yeah you are. If you weren’t, you would not be Christians. Unless you’re one of those people who aren’t actually Christian (IE, don’t know shit about the religion) but say you are either out of fear or so you can sound ethical.

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  • seriously amber makes christianity look like a fucking peice of shit!
    its disgusting
    fuck you amber!

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  • bubba your daughter is probably out humping every piece of ass she can get her hands on. I taught my daughter good morals a hyuck. like being a racist. and only dating white christian boys. are you serious. guess what, all christians on this site who do not know. CHRISTIANS, AND MUSLIMS…wait for it…THEY BELIEVE IN THE SAME GOD!!!!!! oh my god. I can’t believe it. the only difference is you believe in jesus and they believe he was just a profit. the qu’ran and the bible are so similar it is painful that you morons can’t realize that your on the same fucking side!

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  • Ashamed of Christianity

    Sir, No one saves themselves for marriage.
    I’m sorry, but your daughter is probably better aquainted with the male genitilia then you are.
    Reality hits home.

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  • simple logic

    Wow, you are truly stupid aren’t you? How the hell can you be a ‘homegrown’ (refering to America) Islamic terrorist? That doesn’t even make sense! Think about it! Give me the name and address of ONE Islamic school inside America teaching terrorist training and tactics? Oh right, you are a moron.

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  • That’s awesome.

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  • Christpuncher

    Amber, you’re a closed minded bible thumping idiot, but you’re not too horrible looking that I wouldn’t give you the old in out in out. Nudge nudge wink wink. You spout all this crap about masturbation being sinful and evil, and I’ll bet that you’ve never had your pussy eaten. I’m a master of the cunnilingus, and would gladly demonstrate to you my clam eating prowess. I’ll bet after 10 minutes of me munching your rug, you’d toss your bible in the trash. If you’re especially lucky and deserving, I’ll even give you the ass to mouth. I’m sure you’d particularly enjoy that.

    Love ya

    CP

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  • Then stop giving shitty advice. It’s as simple as that. Close this site down, it’s really hurting your religion.

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  • Brian Peppers

    I’d hit it.

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  • Amber you have no right giving people advise when you have
    no background in this area and that whole article is wrong. You need to
    go back to school, get some real education and travel outside of America before
    anyone will take your views on board because atm, that’s very wrong and your just brainwashing retards. No one will any kind of education or common sense believes your garbage.

    Don’t pull numbers out of your ass to suit your point. It makes you look like a retard.

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  • Disaster Doll

    Oh Amber, you silly girl. You are a hypocrite. Why is it that God gave you the right to be nasty and hurtful but we can’t? Gee, I wonder?

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  • It looks like you need to work work on comma placement, dummy. I’ll leave it to you to find your mistake. Perhaps remedial third grade can fit into your busy schedule?

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  • One wonders, Mike, if holding all those brains in your head has clogged your synapses or if you’re really so smart that somehow your level of satire is above those of us who actually understand the purpose of this site, leading us to misunderstand your comments. It’s people like you brainy scientists with your insistence that dinosaurs and humans did not co-exist that will be the downfall of all civilization! Any fool can see that fossils were divinely created instantly by the heavenly waters of the deluge!

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  • I see a bunch of ‘accidental’ on there. Terrorism is malicious and intentional.

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  • These statistics are meaningless when taken out of context. How many miles do you drive or fly each year? Probably thousands, right? You should have stated the risk of an accident per mile traveled which is extremely low. In a car, you can also take other safety measures such as seat belts and airbags to further reduce that risk.

    The risk of a terrorist event is much higher than your statistics when expressed in terms of casualties/hour near Muslim believer. For example, my risk of a terrorist attack becomes insignificantly small as my time near Muslims approaches zero.

    What Amber is advocating here is that you should take safety measures to reduce this risk, just as you would for the other items on your list.

    God Bless,
    Bubba

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  • Crimeariver

    Dear Disgusted:

    You are a fool.

    All atheists should familiarize themselves with Poe’s Law.

    http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe%27s_Law

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  • I agree 100%! You should be ashamed; it’s much better to not date the islamic (lower case letter on purpose) person because of his filth and odor than because he might be a terrorist. And to suggest that he might be a terrorist?! That’s insane!!! As the atheist points out!! I mean, whoever thought that a stereotype might actually be right! In fact, we have portrayed the word “stereotype” to be bad just so that we can throw off the fact that it is usually true. It’s unfair for us to even think of such things like illegal immigrants from Mexico, even though there are so many of them!

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  • Yeah, you realise this is a joke website right?

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  • I second that!

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  • I am a devoted Christian from the Netherlands and despite all the comments from everyone there is a truth in them.

    This article is borderline sinful, and me and my family will be praying tonight that this is a joke setup by 1 or 2 misguided fools.

    “How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?” ~Proverbs 1:20-22

    That said give us your ‘knowledge’ aka the sources of your statistics and stop calling yourselves Christians – rather call yourselves American Christians/Fundamentalists, as you don’t speak for us.

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  • Oh my, i just wrote that on /b/ – THEFT!

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  • AMEN.

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  • Ashamed of Christianity

    Please tell me Fox news isn’t your only source..
    it’s the worst news station out there.
    I trust the Onion over that bs.

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  • There is nothing worse than an uppity, loquacious feminist who embraces values that serve to destroy our youth, our country and our morality. Have you no decency or respect for tradition?

    This is the problem I have with ladies who spout stuff like ‘let your daughter make her own choices, let women be free!’ and then look around and expect society to take care of these kid’s when they run out and get impregnated by every Jamaal and Karl around the block.

    It’s that type of senseless jabber and thought that’s ruining our society..

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  • Perhaps a society that can’t accommodate simple feminism deserves to be destroyed.

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  • A rhombus is always a square, but a square isn’t always a rhombus. Claimed in the argument that, “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication.” Well, what percentage of women who masturbate become prostitutes. You have your statistics backwards. What’s important is not the statistics of prostitutes, but rather the statistics centered around girls who masturbate. What percentage of girls who masturbate become prostitutes and pregnant teens?

    Likewise, 100% of crack addicts started smoking marijuana, but only 14% of marijuana smokers tried other drugs (not including alcohol), and only 2% of marijuana smokers become dependent on other drugs. The first statistic would imply that marijuana is a gateway to harder drugs, the latter statistics (found in Dean Chapman’s “Crime Prevention in America”) point to the FACT that marijuana use is not related to harder drugs or being a “gateway drug”

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  • Our perhaps you can just get out.

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  • http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn16680-porn-in-the-usa-conservatives-are-biggest-consumers.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news

    check these statistics, then talk to me about the benefits of repressing normal sexual desires. also, stop spouting hate and racism under the guise of advice. last i heard, it wasn’t ‘his’ way. if this blog existed anywhere besides a religious website, they would have you hauled in for psychological evaluation. sickening.

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  • Uh… this website is full of offensive…

    Most notably the crap posted by Amber.

    Why would ANYONE, trust this woman with advice?

    Seriously, people should have to pass a test before spewing this crap.

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  • “Don’t think that you can hide behind the anonymity of the Internet because God is always watching.”

    -Bubba

    Sorry for letting the world know about our secret little lovers names for each other, I won’t call you Snicklepuss if you don’t call me BigPoppaBear. Ok?? Deal??
    I will be happy to come by and personally exclude you from the rapture, kick your wife in the taint, and reanimate all of the corpses from the Holocaust and sick them directly on your trailer telling them, “Hitler’s inside! Go get’em!”

    The Reason for the Season,

    Jeeeze Creeze

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  • Oh Bubba,

    You seriously are the funniest motherfucker on this whole god-hating website. I’m not sure if you are legit (or if this place is), but either way you are absolutely fucking funny.

    Keep it coming my man!

    tim

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  • Disgusted is now my hero.

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  • HAHAHAHAHA
    I love it.

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  • I think I love you.

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  • i love jebus

    the man who disses such stupidity with such well informed points is a smart man indeed

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  • Hollie Johnson

    Amber,

    Regarding the article about the Muslim boy.

    After thoroughly reading your advice, I suggest that you take a 12th grade English class. Learn and embrace internal citations.
    If those statistice that you placed (without citations) are actually citations, you have plagerized the researcher’s work.

    You are an ignorant racist that has no credibility. I feel bad for the poor girl that asked for your advice.
    Hopefully she was smart enough not to listen to you.

    Regarding the Masturbation article.

    http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/masturbation-guide
    This article was reviewed by the doctors at The Cleveland Clinic Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology. THIS is real research.

    “Masturbation also is a safe sexual alternative for people who wish to avoid pregnancy and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases.” (WebMD)

    I recommend that you do your research next time, and don’t let your ignorance intrude on other people’s lives ever again.

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  • Well. That’s rather uncalled for. Much like Amber’s article is an embarrassment to non-evangelical Christians, you’re not representing atheists in the most flattering light at the moment. I’m sure you have your own well thought out reasons for disagreeing with Christianity, but lashing out at others is not an argument. You would be better served by stating your reasons in a respectful manner. Hostility does not convince others; it only makes them defensive.

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  • disgusted at fake christans

    I agree these idiots are spreading hate instead of the love of God

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  • disgusted at fake christans

    yeah this site is a joke right? Or a means for white supremacist hate mongers the spew forth there hate about any other culture but there own, sounds very anti-christian like to me.
    I will prey for all your lost souls.

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  • Barry, Loving and well hung.

    I had to write this. I think I love you. I masturbate at least 18 times a day over your picture. I can’t stop myself, I keep coming back. I have printed out your picture and blown it up on my wall with a collage of all your sayings and wisdom. I… I just can’t contain myself. I need to be with you. We must be together I believe it is god’s will. He bought us together on this website and I have to, I must meet you. We need to get together so I can fully share with you my seed and we can continue the species together in harmony. Oh, Oh, I’m…. I’m going to… Ahhhhhhh. Thank you again. I need to go clean up now.

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  • dildo%20dog.jpg

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  • If she has no toy to play with.. she will use a real cock to satisfy her.

    And if you feel the need to get all upset and go on a rant.. feel free to mail me.. my name is my email.

    Go Satan.

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  • Himynameisnoneofurbusinesslololololz

    God created a VAGINA for a REASON… its normal for teenagers to do so, but your artificial religion is cauing a lot of turmoil and mess ups in our country, why can’t you go to a country where no one would have to hear from you fucks instead of spreading like a global virus? Its your daughter’s choice to masterbate or not, not yours it was never your choice and should not be. You obviously missed out on your teenage years its not right for you to cause your daughter to miss out on hers based off of YOUR beliefs instead of HERS… Like I said its not your right, choice, or place.
    There are many holes in the Bible, you know about adultery? Looking at someone full with desire is a form of adultery, and if you are married to God, then looking lustfully upon a man/women is adultery and so having sex with this man and having a bastard daughter is a form of adultery and she is the manifestation of your sin. See what happens when your religion can be used against you? naturally you will come up with a defense to what I say instead of actually considering it because you’re too myopic to see that being a christian is a choice that God gave to YOU and so YOU shouldn’t force it on your daughter if it wasn’t forced on you. besides, taking the vib away would only cause her to either use her hands, find another object, or use an actual cock and get pregnant, this could happen, only if you left her fucking vibrator

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  • Eli!! My Child!! May all of your drinks come from chalices made from the silver lined skulls of your vanquished foes!!

    BTW: I cut Envy’s dick off and threw him out on the Crip side of town wearing red KKK outfit with a hole cut out for easier ass raping….

    Yer pal…

    Buddy Christ

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  • QuietlySmirking

    Yes, Crimeariver, I’m not sure what scares me more about the posters here who don’t quite “get it” – the liberals that are outraged or the conservatives that are agreeing with the site.

    Thanks for the link by the way – it sounds so much better than simply calling it “tongue in cheek”

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  • Don’t listen to Sierra, Wisconsin Girl. The odds are that this boy is a terrorist. If you thought otherwise you wouldn’t have bothered writing in, so do not delude yourself. Your parents gave you warning about him and now you cannot shake off their true words, and it is for good reason.

    What Sierra up there fails to realize is that she’s dating a Lutheran, that is, a person who follows the religion of traditional America. When is the last time US President George W. Bush had to declare war on Lutheranism?

    When is the last time that Lutherans attempted to murder American’s in cold blood in 1993? When is the last time they hijacked planes and started crashing into our buildings?

    When is the last time you saw the Church of Lutherans declare a jihad upon America? Never, because they are Americans!

    This boys morals may not be aligned with looking out for the best interests of America, which means he may not be looking out for you. Have you considered his family may have a Jihad placed against Christians?

    Do you know what they to to people outside their cult religion who ‘pervert’ it by getting married to their kids?

    http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,391531,00.html

    Yes, Wisconsin girl, your parents are very much correct. The threat of homegrown terror is only outdone by the threat of islamo-nazism, which is growing around the world.

    httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ktr7fLbZFK4

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  • Dear Concerned In San Diego and Winsconsin Girl,
    Please, for tje sake of sanity dont listen to Sierra OR Adam Nelson!! If anyone Sierra sounds a little sane. Masturbation is CLINICLY (check the medical and sexual advice sites) proven to help relieve stress and ask ANY good therapist that it also helps you know your body and your self all the more! Trust me, I masturbate and no amber and all you iggnorant idiots I am NOT a prostitute, Im happily married have been for years and our sex life is AWESOME (way more than I can say for these over stuffed fako zealots.). And just because he’s muslim doesnt mean he’s a terrorist ADAM (your a fuckin retard) it just means he believes in something different! Being different isnt evil, just introduce him like you would any other person, if your parents love you and they’re heads arent in their asses like *Adam* they will respect him and you. Good luck and PLEASE dont heed these bizzare peoples iggnorant words!!

    Crazy_Bean

    p.S Sierra, thank goodness your not like Adam!!!

    P.s.s Adam, I personaly think your a fag and need to just admit it, you’ll die happier.

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  • “The odds are that this boy is a terrorist.”

    I honestly cannot believe you said that. I’m from Cambridge, MA. My high school is one of the most culturally and religiously diverse schools in the country. The majority of students are Muslim. However, Cambridge residents have these amazing things called tolerance and trust. Never in my four years in high school was I ever suspicious that any of my classmates were terrorists. It never even crossed my mind. Many of my friends are Muslim, so it is very offensive when somebody such as yourself tries to label them as terrorists, simply because they have darker skin and believe in Mohammed instead of Jesus. You are truly disgusting.

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  • IM sorry to inform you, but it is….it really is…..

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  • 99% Members on This Site Goes to Hell

    Okay, this site has gotten me REALLY WELL if it was meant to be a parody. These people would be geniuses and I salute every one of them.
    However, I seem to think that the people here, such as Amber, are actually serious in their ridiculous, unsupported, racist, intolerant, wrong and ultimately antiChristian remarks. Thus to you ladies and gentlemen that I have just mentioned, 操你妈.

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  • frankly i dont see any evidence. its not even scientific
    i would know because i work at a surveying company and that site is not validated not certified and not backed up be real research.
    the statistics have no backing by scientist.
    you think just becuase there are some numbers a random website its valid??
    think again
    here’s some real stats:
    a large percent of statistics found online on unvalidated websites are found to be false and inaccurate

    ALSO please tell me how in the world could research have been done to get these exact numbers??? how in the world??
    did “someone” monitor 100+ women over a lifetime??
    clearly noone did any research and you just made up these numbers.
    “Studies show that 87% of the women who become prostitutes did so because of unbridled masturbation as a teenager, and over 90% of girls who become pregnant as teenagers did so because of masturbation loosened their morals and made them more apt to engage in unprotected fornication. “hahaha <— FALSE NO RESEARCH LIKE THAT HAVE BEEN CONDUCTED

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  • yea seriously
    heres some real stats again
    100% of men masturbate??
    how come we havent turned into barbarians that rape women when ever??
    and i know your gonna say “well… some men have already started raping”
    BULLSHIT DUDE!
    i said 100% of men so doesnt that me we all should be raping and pillaging with no morals think about that!
    well i guess i did rape…rape your lame blog!

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  • I see an error in your sentence. I also hear Alanis Morrisette singing a song for you, even though she doesn’t know the meaning.

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  • i know seriously this whole domain is probably a rap on christians making it look like christians are retarded

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  • “Our perhaps you can just get out.”

    It’s ‘Or’, not ‘Our’.

    Go hang yourself. This whole website is the reason why I’m not Christian.

    Oh, and your incessant hell-preaching is the true reason why normal people are scared into this cult you call Christianity. It wasn’t even taught in the original Greek/Hebrew versions of the Bible.

    Oh, and you’re also a pile of chauvanistic bigots.

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  • Just wanted you to know your response made me lol.

    But to more important things..

    Reading this article made me realise just how lucky I am to have accepting, open-minded, loving, realistic parents who do not believe masturbation leads to prostitution, and do not believe that every Muslim is a terrorist.

    It often takes a glimpse into a worse possibility to make you thankful for what you have. For that, I thank Amber. But if I were the type to pray for souls – especially after reading her article on the Chinese – I’m afraid I’d be praying for hers.

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  • Your country allows people to legally do drugs like marijuana. Maybe you should focus your prayer there first, Hagaar.

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  • indabuttlol.gif

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  • where is Dumbfuckistan? i cannot find it on my bob jones university map of the world.

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  • So just because a murderer has hands he can strangle the life out of everyone he wants. I don’t think so. Sin is sin.

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  • That site was just reporting on a study, not conducting it. The reference is a scientific journal that regularly publishes scientific research.

    Journal reference:
    Journal of Economic Perspectives vol 23, p 209 (pdf)
    http://www.aeaweb.org/jep/index.php
    http://people.hbs.edu/bedelman/papers/redlightstates.pdf

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  • If you take away a murderer’s rope, he’ll still murder. If she has urges, the best scenario is her using her hands or a toy. More likely, she’ll find a willing partner to satisfy the urges you won’t let her take care of herself.

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  • I agree with Rachel. The more you tell her not to do it, the more likely she will. If you tell a child not to eat cookies, they always find a way to satisfy that urge whether they want the cookies or whether they simply want to eat them just to spite you. I say talk to her about it and let her know that it is perfectly normal to so by herself.
    Like Rachel said, either she can do it herself or she WILL find someone to satisfy the urge for her. So do you want a virgin daughter or a grandchild?

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  • And christian are not terrorist I bet They are soo perfect ???

    wrong

    Christian never been perfect actually they are worst than Muslims and jews combined

    Just Thinking about the war In iraq and afghanistan pakistan and so On its Not the first time they started that

    You call them terrorist But you wnat to Nuke them Out you THINK its better ?

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  • What really blows my mind is how christians think they aren’t violent, when in fact they have one of the most violent pasts of almost all religions. There are plenty of christians who would kill for their god. Shit, have you ever heard of the Crusades? That was a holy campaign/war waged against nonchristian regions of the world by the Roman Catholic Church. If you weren’t christian they would murder you.

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  • no, you are ugly and uncalled for, go kill yourself before you have kids like you. do not populate this world with your ideas

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  • That one bitch

    IT ISSSSSS THOUGH.

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  • That one bitch

    weed comes from this earth. it aint a drug. it’s a plant. why woudln’t you use a real drug in an example? like meth? get your facts straight, or you look stupid.
    oh wait, you already do look stupid.
    everyone commenting on this site as if it ISN’T a joke, looks stupid too.
    this site makes FUN OF christians, by posting over extreme, biased christian responses by..guess what..NON CHRISTIANS. amber is just another bitch with a job, to write over extreme responses.

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