Borneo Montauk Monster Is New Genetic Abomination
Good lord, I cannot believe this critter exists. I do not know what in tarnations those genetic scientists have been up to but hear you me, it was not anything proper or right.
Now there’s a new creature that must have escaped from one of their labs in a place called Borneo. That’s between here and Asia. They are calling it the Montauk Monster and it is PROOF of why genetic science manipulation is the devil. Lookie here what I done found:
Now some reporters are trying to act all baffled and mystified by what’s going on here, but you know as well as I do that this is just sheer evil. Just look at it. It’s ain’t natural and it surely is not right.
It’s an ABOMINATION to natural order that some geneticists created and frankly I’d like to know what else those Dr. Frankenstein’s are creating in their secret island labs. You’ve all seen Jurassic Park with the imaginary dinosaurs and you know that geneticists have been working on actual cloning some time now.
My scientific opinion is that this critter demon looks like the cross of a demon and a wild hog, with some bird of some sort in it, probably ostrich.
From my research the scientists here took some of the DNA from the ostrich, then purified it through their advanced science techniques, then combined it with the hog. The hog dna expresses more cause it is unfiltered.
They then used electrolysis to shock it all together and make it come to life in a pietre’s disk (probably some Russian enigma box) then this is what they got.
Now people will ask who on Earth managed to find this scientific evil and there is video of three women who were just minding their own business, moseying around on a beach and talking it up like women tend to do, and the site of this creature sat upon their eyes. It had to be scary. Here is an interview.
All of this is very disturbing and I’m quite worried that they are going to create something even more evil then a Montauk Monster demon. What if they are cloning together a flying bird and lion. A shark and a cheetah.
Imagine just minding your own business on the beach one day, like those three women folks up there, when suddenly a fin out on the ocean’s horizon charges to you at 70 mile per hour. Being on land you don’t think nothing of it, but then it jumps out, chases you down and then can eat you dead with all its teeth.
This is not a game and a reality. Like I said all these genetic evolutionists boys have to use is their fancy labs and these pietre’s disks, shock the mixtures altogether and then you get these hellspawn creatures running and catching dead every which way.
I don’t like it, my wife and family is scared they can get ate and we need to start a petetion. So we are. Join up and tell your friends too. We will not stand for this type of abuse and nonsense. Thank you.
SIGN THE PETITION TO BAN THE MONTAUK MONSTER THREAT TO LIFE AND CLONING TOO
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Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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12:24 pm
This post is a joke, right? Aside from the fact that it is clearly a small pig with its snout flesh eaten / rotted away, where on Earth do you come up with these conclusions? I would tell you that you should write science fiction, but it looks like you need to work on the fundamentals of the English language first, Jethro.
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12:38 pm
If you people are going to try and scare me, get some one with at least a college writing class or two that can put together a decent sounding article.
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12:49 pm
This article is an abomination to the English language.
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1:55 pm
Follow me back ion Twitter Abe
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8:02 pm
WARNING: This website is mocking Christianity and conservatism. Please don’t believe what’s written here.
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3:30 am
Abe, is this really your thoughts? If it is you are an idiot.
If this is a joke please say so!
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3:46 am
It’s a raccoon. http://www.hamptons.com/detail.ihtml?id=4474&apid=9041&sid=27&cid=54&hm=1&iv=1&townflag
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5:05 am
PUPPY!!!
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2:39 pm
It is a pig who died in the desert. genetic mutation solved…
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5:11 pm
I would like to see this “research” you’ve done which has concluded that this is Ostricpigman. Feel free to e-mail it to the address I’ve provided.
And remember, Al Gore was super cereal, guys!
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11:56 am
LOL i was going to write the same thing Jay…. this site is hilarious… it’s like frikipedia (google it)… this is the roots of the fundamentalist christians: 18th century beliefs mixed with 21st century technology… pretty funy
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3:06 pm
Every time I read a post on this site, I like it more. Can you guys please write an article on the Large Hadron Collider? I would love to hear real science discussed by… um… whatever you call the ape who wrote this article. It’d be hilarious.
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8:50 pm
Lol, everyone knows that “cartoon network” made that thing up to promote a tv show:
http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/tv_shows/promotion_landing_page/tss/cryptidsarereal/index.html
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12:12 pm
I really hope you did not only look at the pictures online when compliling your theory that this “monster” is from a secret goverment lab experimenting in creating chimera. In this age of photo shop and CG I would not beleive what I see on the internet.
Did you read any articles regarding the montauk monster. It was not found in Borneo, it was found on the beach of Montauk, New York; a beach close to the Hamptons. Also the carcass was described to be the size of a cat, not a huge beast as you describe. The carcass was partially decomposed so we may not be seeing a beak but part of it’s skull.
If creating a “montauk monster” is as simple as you describe in your article there would be such creatures alive everywhere. Combining the DNA from two different individuals is very complex.
I hope the next time you submitt an article you would do research first.
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2:45 pm
This is the funniest site ever. I really feel for it at first and thought they were serious………. greatest spoof site in the world.
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12:50 pm
This thing was showcased on an episode of Monster Quest, a history channel program. Supposedly it was a mutant created in a government lab. However, it turned out to be a rotting dog (a Boxer to be exact). They determined this by examining the skull of the animal.
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9:53 pm
Sir, kudos. Kudos to you and all those who write the articles featured here. It is possibly the greatest work of satire I have ever seen, and I applaud you. I can only hope that some day I too can create something so genious!
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12:11 am
IT’S A FUCKING RACCOON.
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