• Watch The New Friday the 13th Movie Online 2009 Review

    February 16, 2009 8:51 am 9 comments

    Over the weekend, millions of people nationwide went out to watch the new horror flick Friday the 13th movie, now though many others opt to watch Friday the 13th online now as we speak.

    Before even getting into reviewing this horrible movie, I’m under the impression that all you parents out there have a working knowledge of what these films entail.

    They are about groups of teens who go out to engage in all sorts of evil tomfoolery (drugs, wearing skimpy clothing, premarital relations, partaking in perverse rock music) while secretly vacationing around an evil, enchanted lake. From this lake sprung an evil zombie-man named Jason, who wears a hockey mask and punishes the teens by killing them to death.

    Such a fate is truly horrible, even for a bunch of sinful teens. It would be one thing if a stern figure emerged in these movies to tell the teens that what they were doing was absolutely wrong and they needed to repent, then the audience was treated to the teens crying and confessing what they had done wrong, one by one, to their parents.

    The next day they would find out — when going to church to also confess — that the stern, shadowy figure at the lake was the Church Pastor and they were actually on his property. He’d invite them back the following weekend for a nice youth rally. That would be an awesome Friday the 13th.

    A kinder, gentler version of Friday the 13th

    But no, the immoral Hollywood directors have created a series of films that delight in bloodshed, wanton carnality and invoking an unnatural lust for sex, drugs and rock n’ roll in your teens. Without bad influences like this movies, those are things your teen would never think to do.

    That’s what makes this movie so wrong and vile.

    That said, let’s get into reviewing the specifics of this film and why we must ban together to boycott this offense to cinema.

    Moral Christian Movie Review – Friday The 13th 2009

    MPAA rating: R for strong bloody violence, some graphic sexual content, language and drug material.

    ChristWire Moral rating: -13 (Sinister) for unprecedented gore/killing, premarital carnality, foul language, urban drug mongering, spreading lies of evolution, magic, zombies and impiety.

    Plot Synopsis:

    After eleven films that have taken place at Camp Crystal Lake, everyone can probably guess the plot of the movie by now: teens get together and decide to spend a weekend at Camp Crystal Lake. The teens love to sin and they do all the immoral stuff that liberal parents encourage: have premarital sex (and later abortions if they would have lived through the movie), smoke some bad drugs and do all sorts of other acts of depravity.

    As always, Jason loves the scent of bad teen spirit and sets out to kill them all, one by one, in the most shocking, gory and bloody fashion. This time around he doesn’t even need magical teleporting.

    Much blood is shed and much gore is had, end of story. It’s always the adventure that seems to appeal the movie-goers of this flick, and if you’re looking for an adventure, you’ve seen it all before. The only difference is that this movie is set to a $19 million budget and gets to use new camera tricks.

    Positive Good Stuff From The Movie:

    Good Factor 1/5

    As you could imagine, there is little good that can be found in a film that encourages your kids to drink beer, sneak off to dark locations and have orgy filled nights, all while dancing about and cussing like the proverbial sailor in the process.

    In all this, however, there is one good element of this movie. Yes, one! This movie reinforces an important idea to your teens. If you sin, you will die!

    Jason kills teens who like to sin too much and he does so without mercy. Teens need to know that this is the fate they’ll choose when they go out and do the very depraved acts as depicted in this movie. It’s an odd slope. On one end, teens desire to remain abstinent and would rather have a nice night at home with the family instead of going out with friends.

    Then boom, we have this movie that reinforces the stereotype that ‘teens are supposed to go out, be wild, have fornicating relations and party’. So even though this movie teaches teens that sin leads to merciless death, it encourages them to sin in the first place. Still, it gets a point for scaring them up something fierce and good like.

    Bad Negative Stuff From The Movie

    Spiritual Abomination: 4/5

    Jason still has his mom’s skull. It is mummified and he keeps it in some sort of pagan shrine, much like seen in primitive villages in Asia. And that’s just horrible.

    On top of that, Jason is quite possibly a sentient undead, or a zombie, which of course takes origin from African witchdoctor hoodoo-voodoo type nonsense. All of this stuff is related to the magical theory of evolution, which we know is a farce crafted to test the spirituality of everyone. For that, this movie scores quite high in the abomination department.

    Spreading Falsities 4/5

    As mentioned, the perverse belief in magic and fake scientific teachings like evolution already bring this movie into the realm of spreading sin. The amount of false stereotypes this movie tries to make a person believe is truly astounding.

    The worse falsity this movie spreads is that teens are supposed to be wild, unbridled people who love getting naked, ogling each other and having lots and lots of crazed sex. This is simply not true.

    As mentioned, if they realize it or not teens naturally want to remain abstinent until they are married. It’s only movies like this reinforce and pressure them to engage in negative behaviors that they do not desire.

    Friday the 13th has all sorts of depraved sex scenes that feature everything from showing a young lady’s bared breasts and buttox, much moaning in ecstasy, girls water-skiing topless and strip shows. The film also makes reference to masturbation, which is also something most teen boys do not enact at all, as it is immoral, disgusting and they know it. Wrong, wrong, wrong and false.

    Other Evil 5/5

    During one scene you can see a teen is caught wearing a shirt that reads ‘F*** Christmas’, which is just evil and very un-American, flying up against our national heritage.

    If this wasn’t enough, this movie has over 100 curse words spoken aloud and even more crude references to bodily functions and parts.

    The true evil of this movie, however, is of course all the murder that takes place. While it is important for teens to understand that if they relish in sin they will surely die and burn forever, this movie advocates murder and not giving people a chance to repent. All at the hands of a magical evolved ‘super-man’ as evolutionary geneticists probably see Jason, at that.

    In all within this movie, Jason kills 13 people in very quick fashion and mostly by using a machete. Our braless friends up above had a more creative death with the boats, and there was another that involved antlers. All in all, it is gore glorification, murder and Jason gets away with it, so of course the evil is strong with this one.  5/5.


    Friday the 13th 2009 is a pure propaganda piece by Hollywood liberals. This movie was crafted to make your teens think liberal virtues such as fornication, drug use, disrespecting American holidays (Christmas) and foul-mouthing is ok.

    Just the same as violent video games, this movie will also infect your kid with a spirit of violence. We already know that in this day and age, the infective spirits of violence are running rampant among our youth and movies like this are the reason why it is so.

    So if you’re a parent, save your $13 bucks and ban your kid from seeing this movie. Even though your teens may learn that sinners get punished, there are far better ways to get that lesson across to them.

    If you are an adult who likes to watch movies such as this, please give a good reason as to why and perhaps see a counselor. There is no redeeming quality in a movie that has so much wanton carnality, perversity and blood-letting machete from an evolved, magical zombie.

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