• Watch Twilight Movie Online Now, Your Heart will Race with Fear and Panic

    February 14, 2009 8:40 pm 115 comments

    Hello, dear friends. I come to you today with an urgent message of great concern. A message that will strike fear and terror into you hearts!

    Indeed, this is a message of truth for all parents and all teens and you must take heed to my words. A new movie named Twilight is out, and it will turn your kids into blood-sucking sociopaths.

    Mr Edward Cullen is a scary vampire who'll infect your kids with liberal agenda
    Mr Edward Cullen is a scary vampire who’ll infect your kids with liberal agenda
    Creative Commons License photo credit: Ezyan Y.

    I first received word of this Twilight movie at last night’s L.U. youth rally, where a group of spirited college girls discussed a new drink called Tomato. It is apparently a wine spirit borne in the far away, drunken woodlands of the Inuit-indian Canadias, and its purpose is sinister.

    This drink is a gateway drink, but it doesn’t necessarily gateway to dangerous habits such as smoking the ‘weed’ (which leads to about 68,000 deaths/year in the US alone) or other drugs, but instead does something that is equally dangerous.

    It infects your kids with the ancient spirits of vampirism!

    I know that this is all very much to take in at once, and is scaring you senseless, but harden your resolve, fight back those tears and continue reading. The safety of your children is on the line.

    After being shocked and frightened about this new tomato drink, I asked the girls how it suddenly became so popular among the young adult cohort. This is when I first found out about this Twilight movie for the first time.

    For those of you who have not been warned about the demonic Twilight movie, I’ll provide a quick historical synopsis, plot and video clip from this very alarming tale of evil mystic wonders, black magic and pagan worship.

    The story plays out like a very macabre, perverted Romeo and Juliet. It features an atheistic, heathen girl who is new to a school and immediately falls in love with a very pale, effeminate man-child who is found out to actually be a vampire.

    Vlad the Impaler Pictures, Images and Photos
    A champion of policies such as abortion and gay-marriage, Vlad the Imapler’s (aka Count DRACULA) party affiliation was Democrat

    Now as you know, the cult of vampirism has its roots in an atheistic Eastern Europe, where a group of villagers started to do weird rituals after they lost the ways of morality. At the head of this Romanian village, named Wallachia, was a very scary man named Vlad Tepes, or as you more commonly know him, Vlad Dracula (Count Dracula).

    Dracula literally translates to serpent or the devil, and Vlad Dracula certainly played the part. Historical archives reveal that the satanic Vlad Dracula supported things such as gay marriage, social welfare and even eagerly supported the policies that served as precedent for Roe vs. Wade.

    All in all, Dracula’s policies are essentially the same as modern liberal democrats such as Bill Clinton or Hussein Obama, and as such, it should not surprise you that there is a modern movement to turn all of your kids into atheistic liberals through this woefully crafted Twilight movie!

    Twilight, the movie, first supports the gay-agenda by having male vampires that ‘sparkle in sunlight’, much like you’d expect to see from a fantastically sequined ‘male’ piano player from England. As if that wasn’t enough, a love forms between a vampire named Edward Cullen and a normal human girl named Bella, who is written to gain popularity in school because she’s a rebel, non-conservative, pretty and grossly liberal.  Propaganda at its worst.

    The vampire and misguided girl eventually fornicate and have a baby (which I’m told will take place later in the series). This is all sorts of wrong as it teaches your teens that not only is premarital sex ok, but also that laying as a prostitute to demonic forces is a great thing. The movie encourages your girls to lust after effeminate sparkling boys whose fathers support atheist liberal agendas such as mass murdering innocents and destruction of the nuclear family.

    I wish I could say these were the worst elements of the movie, but it does indeed get worse. This is where the tomato comes in. Not satisfied in just trying to convert your kids into the school of atheistic liberality,Twilight reinforces a culture in which vampires are seen as good. An innate part of being a vampire involves the letting and sucking of blood.

    Much as modern liberals love to murder and suck blood by aborting babies, vampire pagans of ancient texts are revealed to do that and more. Somewhat bound by morality, kids are playing vampire by drinking these sinful tomato drinks and playing vampire dress-up so as to emulate what they see here…

    Watch this Twilight Movie Clip online and you will be very frightened.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    A young teen who was infected with vampirism, by the Twilight movie, was mysteriously lead to create a scary real-life depiction of the demonic vampire child that grew in Bella’s womb.

    I am terribly frightened about this movie and the new cult of vampire spirits it has infected in our kids. Imagine, you may be sound asleep one night, only to awaken amidst a circle of softly burning candles, all while bound at your hands and feet.

    Suddenly a group of wild eyed teens will emerge from nowhere and inflict you with all sorts of strange rituals! Liberals will try to say this is extreme, but lo it has already started.

    A young watcher of this movie has already constructed a womb which shows the vampire demon child from the movie.

    Parents, beware the new threat of vampires. Beware, beware!

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    About The Author
    Jack Gould Pastor Jack "Jbox" Gould is a local best-selling author, motivational speaker and youth pastor extraordinaire at Langley CC, where his stories about the laid back California life and relations to Jack-in-the-Box bobble heads are all the rage. Email Jack a Question

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