• Your Wife and Girlfriend Translated – A Moral Man’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

    February 10, 2009 8:53 am 19 comments
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  • Hello good friends, Joe P. Reagan here. Hopefully you all have had a February filled with the pure goodness that only the last bite of steak topped with thick A-1 steak sauce can deliver. Today we’re going to forgo our usual look into our morally questionable world and society to instead cover a subject that’s just us important to us guys. Women.

    As you know, National Woman Gets Too Much Stuff day is coming up this month. Feminists have crafted complex and vile tricks upon society and have us calling it “Valentine’s Day”. Yesterday, as I joined my fellow men in shopping for jewelry and chocolate, so I wouldn’t be sleeping on a couch for a month, I couldn’t help but notice a poor, naive young boy happily buying some candy hearts and cards.

    I’m sure many of you can relate. We were once all little Johnnys, happily being tricked by our teachers into building a Valentine’s gift box in which we would fill cards and candies from our classmates. Little did us guys know that tradition of having to create cursed boxes and filling them with sweets would plague us for the rest of our lives.

    Indeed, little did we know that the red heart shaped candy boxes with fat dollar signs attached to them, decorating each and every grocery store, symbolized the blood, pain and empty wallets of our fathers from generations past, who had to play the V-Day game. Tragic. So, so tragic.

    As we stand bravely together on the eve of the day of bringing a sacrifice to appease the ‘goddess of pleasure’ (I’ll leave you to catch the euphemism there), I present to you a gift, forged by us capturing a certain female member and having her tell us all types of dirty, fickle secrets that women hold dear.

    Today, we have a gift for the guys in the days before Valentine’s day. It is the universal translator of what your girlfriend really means. Simply hover over the words of deception and you’ll see them instantly switch into words of truth that would make Honest Abe tear up. Remember and share this list, my friends, and for all that’s good and true call your women out when they try to use these lines on you.

    =Joe P. Reagan=

    Your Wife and Girlfriend Translated – A Moral Man’s Guide to Valentine’s Day and Beyond

    Simply hover your mouse pointer over your wife or girlfriend’s words below to see what’s actually going through her head.

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    Joe P. Reagan

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