Your Wife and Girlfriend Translated – A Moral Man’s Guide to Valentine’s Day
Hello good friends, Joe P. Reagan here. Hopefully you all have had a February filled with the pure goodness that only the last bite of steak topped with thick A-1 steak sauce can deliver. Today we’re going to forgo our usual look into our morally questionable world and society to instead cover a subject that’s just us important to us guys. Women.
As you know, National Woman Gets Too Much Stuff day is coming up this month. Feminists have crafted complex and vile tricks upon society and have us calling it “Valentine’s Day”. Yesterday, as I joined my fellow men in shopping for jewelry and chocolate, so I wouldn’t be sleeping on a couch for a month, I couldn’t help but notice a poor, naive young boy happily buying some candy hearts and cards.
I’m sure many of you can relate. We were once all little Johnnys, happily being tricked by our teachers into building a Valentine’s gift box in which we would fill cards and candies from our classmates. Little did us guys know that tradition of having to create cursed boxes and filling them with sweets would plague us for the rest of our lives.
Indeed, little did we know that the red heart shaped candy boxes with fat dollar signs attached to them, decorating each and every grocery store, symbolized the blood, pain and empty wallets of our fathers from generations past, who had to play the V-Day game. Tragic. So, so tragic.
As we stand bravely together on the eve of the day of bringing a sacrifice to appease the ‘goddess of pleasure’ (I’ll leave you to catch the euphemism there), I present to you a gift, forged by us capturing a certain female member and having her tell us all types of dirty, fickle secrets that women hold dear.
Today, we have a gift for the guys in the days before Valentine’s day. It is the universal translator of what your girlfriend really means. Simply hover over the words of deception and you’ll see them instantly switch into words of truth that would make Honest Abe tear up. Remember and share this list, my friends, and for all that’s good and true call your women out when they try to use these lines on you.
=Joe P. Reagan=
Your Wife and Girlfriend Translated – A Moral Man’s Guide to Valentine’s Day and Beyond
Simply hover your mouse pointer over your wife or girlfriend’s words below to see what’s actually going through her head.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Joe P. Reagan
10:13 am
I’m confused here. I have both.
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10:13 am
I am only speaking the truth.
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10:14 am
For I am the King of Space.
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11:17 am
Wow. Who broke your heart so badly? Most women aren’t like that. Well, maybe in overly-predictable movies with stereotype characters they are… been watching bad movies lately?
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2:07 pm
I have a whole list of reasons to leave the church and join the Buddhist community and it seems to revolve around cynical sucker “Christian men” who more often than not annoy the crap out of me with masked phony Christianese time-wasting crap. But I won’t desert you dreamless sleepless pussies, instead I’ll kick your collective sorry asses into shape until Christ Himself applauds.
I can respect the devil, at least he understands that everyone “wants” someone “else” to blame for their own problems. Where have all the men gone? I am surrounded by prosyletizing pussies masquerading as “Christian men” who act more like bitchy women.
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2:13 pm
Well said Brother Reagan! The roll over table is an accurate depiction on today’s women.
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2:14 pm
I would like to also add that Black women are far worse.
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2:17 pm
wow. You are sad.
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9:10 pm
Holy fucking shit. I cannot express how extremely offended I am by this article. This article is demeaning and incredibly disrespectful for my gender (half the population of world). Valentines day is hyped up by STORES (not women), so that people spend more money.
I hope you die alone and unloved.
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10:59 pm
I’d like to see men survive and carry on without women.
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11:09 pm
I should be offended by this article since I am a girl, but I just lol’d instead.
Sexist morons are funny.
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11:09 pm
Latent homosexuality: ur doing it right!
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1:16 am
God loves hate? God only loves white morons? I don’t care. Fun site.
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2:23 am
I love that there are people who take this site seriously. I can see the creators of this site chuckling in some nerd-cave somewhere
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7:06 pm
Thanks Brother Reagan for supporting our white-supremacist capitalist patriarchy! That’s great. And Tyson Bowers the turd: eat shit and die slow you pig.
In Christ’s Name,
Justice
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11:11 pm
Nigga please.
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10:51 pm
Amen!
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1:15 am
Wow, yeah…good luck procreating little buddy!
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1:17 am
You guys should just go out together for Valentines Day so nothing goes wrong.
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