God Orders Bobcat To Bit Drunkard Barhoppers
No good bootlegging bar hoppers are in agony tonight, as they are nursing wounds inflicted on them by a bobcat conducting the business of God.
It started out as a typical weekend for the no good sucklers of Satan’s nectar. They went into a bar and fornicated like all drug addicted hookers, imbibing alcohol as an excuse for their perverse actions.
Alcohol is a gateway drug that leads to disease, violence and death. Much like Eve’s apple of sin, God hates how this creation of Satan messes with the holiness of the mind. Every year you people who drink alcohol cause the death of 40,000 innocent Americans.
Alcohol is a gateway drug that always leads to disease, violence and death and God will continue to rain down his wrath on those who drink it.
So there is no surprise that as the spirits of Satan ran high through two men at this Arizona bar, a mysterious figure suddenly exploded through the bar’s double doors! It was the bobcat. It was on a mission from God.
Watch how the drunks cower in corner, grouping up like primitive foreign tribal people out of fear and their panic. They try to use spears and the lights from their mobile telephones to scare the animal away, but the great cat did not leave until it mauled two men as God ordered it to do.
Let this be a lesson to you drunk heathens. Every year your drinking kills 40,000 innocent Americans. You never know when God will send a great cat to eat you dead for your sins. You can only be safe by abstaining from alcohol and promoting prohibition in America was again.
“Patrons of the Chaparral Bar in the central Arizona community of Cottonwood were attacked by a bobcat and two men were bitten by the animal after it wandered inside.”
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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3:27 pm
just deserving if you ask me. god must strike the sinners down somehow
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9:50 am
wow. this website is full of hateful idiots. christianity is supposed to be a loving, peaceful religion. to bad its followers have ruined it. very entertaining though.
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4:15 pm
Jesus drank wine all the time. You lose.
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5:40 am
a few points:
maybe i missed it but where in that did the bobcat ‘maul’ or ‘eat them till they’re dead’? from what i could tell it ran in, surprised a few people (who didnt seem particulary drunk) ran around a bit, and ran out. also, for ‘spears and mobile phone lights’ read pool cue and trying to take a picture.
why should god send a bobcat to maul people anyway? if anything the cats more likely to get hurt, plus- if gods so great could he not just do it himself??
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4:04 pm
Ok. So alcohol is the ultimate sin now is it? I have to ask, isn’t Jesus’s blood wine (alcohol)? Therefore, are you really ignoring the teachings of Christ and just using religion as a scapegoat for your own actions against your fellow humans? And also, wasn’t it Jesus that stated “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” so how does it make sense when we fight a war against the so called “heathens” of the Islamic faith and those of our American citizens just because we don’t agree with them? That was exactly the reason that the Romans sacrificed Jesus upon the cross. Lastly, did you know that the prohibition that was started in the 1920′s acually raised drinking quite substantially. So, are you planning on being hypocritical by refusing Jesus’s blood, harming other humans, and hurting the United States by raising illegal and much more harmful (due to being home-made) alchohol deaths and consumtion?
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4:37 pm
So… If drinking alcohol is ‘sin’ per say, wouldn’t drinking Jesus’s blood be a sin as well? have you ever thought of his: the bobcat could have just been fucking hungry.
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