Satan’s Lifestyles: Rock ‘n Roll
Introduction
Drums clash, basses utter their brainwashing chords, and guitars melodically lure astray the pure of heart. All around, pills are being popped, cigarettes are being puffed, and innocent Christian girls are losing their purity to society’s refuse. It’s a scene that is all too common among the unsavory youth of today, and though we all try to be good Christian parents and shield our children from the filth, we cannot help but lose at least a few members of our herd to the dangers of the Rock n’ Roll generation.
Guitar
It is unclear where the guitar comes from, but throughout history, it has presented itself with a great musical ability. The guitar can influence the way we feel, and manipulate our emotions with such ease that it is revered in many unholy cultures as a weapon of great power, simply because of its subconscious manipulative ability. But power often corrupts, and many of today’s Rock n’ Rollers have become so deluded and corrupted that they have played right into the hands of satan. They use the guitar not for good, but for misguiding evil, and the harmonies can turn child against parent, friend against ally, and even man against God. satan recognizes this, and will use the guitar to his advantage whenever possible.
Bass
Similar to the guitar, the bass’s role is to provide a low tone in repetition. This tone works in the same way the guitar does, but when the tone is repeated, listeners are lulled into a false sense of security and an easily influenced zombie state. The guitar and bass are often used in tandem because of this; the bass breaks down a good Christian’s sense of moral right and wrong, and the guitar guides them down the unrighteous path. The bass, along with the guitar, should be avoided and drowned out, unless in the hands of a professional of Christian morals.
Drums
Originating in the unholy continent of africa, drums were often used in ritualistic ‘spirit dances’ designed to frenzy the tribe into a crazed and violent state. These poor, misguided souls believed their god was inhabiting their uncleansed bodies, when in all actuality, this was most likely the work of satan himself. Though we cannot say for sure what it is about the rhythmic instrument of evil through which satan acts, we can definitely be sure of one thing: God doesn’t approve.
Putting It All Together
The Rock n’ Roll teens of today often portray a blatant personal image of rebellion and noncompliance, which the Church simply cannot tolerate. They use their evil sound to corrupt those who are easily led astray from the Good path, and bring them to the dark side. Unfortunately, teenagers cannot see clearly the purely evil forces at work when they are deluded by satan’s melodies, and many feel it is okay to listen to a song or two just because their friends do. This is false logic, and any child who attempts to argue this should be closely watched, for satan may have already gotten his filthy horns entangled in his actions. Above all, NEVER allow your child to attend any gatherings which promote this unholy sound.
Solutions
Obviously, we have a very difficult task ahead of us. Our children need protecting, but they do not want protecting. They will beg you, they will plead, cry, and possibly scream, for they will not be able to see why you are resisting so diligently something so innocent-sounding. However, as Christians, we have already considered this reality, and hope to provide a solution that will both please your children and keep them on the Righteous Path. Christian Rock balances these unholy sounds with the Word of the Lord. So long as the message is pure, satan will not be able to intervene, no matter how hard he tries. If you want to have any hope of saving your children from sin, you will buy their love with a Christian Rock album.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Nathan Saft
I don't much know what to say about myself, but if you take time out of your day to talk to me, I can spare a few minutes to sit down, open my heart, and talk louder.
3:05 pm
Small problem here, there is no evidence whatsoever for any existence of any god and there is no evidence whatsoever that the bible has any truth value. Another thing, fuck your morals.
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8:19 pm
Wow! Can you hear me all the way back in 1950? Should I TYPE IN ALL CAPITALS? This is so silly. I love this site it brings me such joy to read the articles of such ignorant inbred conservative nut jobs. Keep up the crazy work you are officially THE most hilarious website on the internet.
If you are right about all of this I’d rather go to hell then be stuck for all eternity with your crazy god and the lot of you.
ROCK ON BITCHES.
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10:01 pm
WOOOOOOOO! Satan. Big Bounds he’s made since the 50′s, though I think you’re still stuck in them. Or perhaps earlier. Oh, and all hail the blasphemous Necrowizard!
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1:38 am
Is this site a joke or serious? Either way, I can’t help but laugh. I’m guessing a joke because one of the advertisement banners is for learning guitar. Ironically humorous.
“I like your Jesus. I don’t like your Christians. They are so unChrist like.”
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3:39 am
HAHAHAHA
This is truly hilarious.
These people are so beyond rationality that arguing with them is useless. Oh well.
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4:02 am
YOU ARE A FAGGOT
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4:14 am
I would think that when you say Rock and Roll you really mean to say Death Metal music. Since Satan appears quite often in this genre compared to Rock and Roll. Although, to you, its probably “all the same devil music” and you could care less about music taste and category? Just a wild guess… Feel free to chat me up.
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5:25 am
I cannot thank you enough for your insight here, Nate. All too often these days parents become too apathetic and complacent about regulating what music befalls the ears of their teens. I’ve always had a big problem with the drums especially, given their dark ancestral roots in African witch ceremonies and such. When you think about it, it’s probably the very reason the urban blacks whose music is known for its excessive drums have so many ills plaguing them to this day.
One thing I appreciate about the traditional Church of Christ denomination is that they do not allow music in their worship services, all because of this. It is always better safe than sorry.
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4:11 pm
I love this general idea that “Rock n’ Roll” is bad. Might I point out you guys like listening to CHRISTIAN ROCK, an offshoot of ROCK, which evolved out of ROCK N’ ROLL?
Where’s my beer…
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9:37 pm
hypocrites.
answer to this:
Christian rock?
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12:38 am
africa an unholy continent? and is america any better? and drums r in the bible so dont u talk crap about them! this is a shame to believers
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2:04 pm
IDIOT!!!! i could prove you so wrong in so many ways its not even worth it.
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6:36 pm
lol drums are incredibly unholy and evil. they are so…cylindrical, they must be evil!! watch out, they will EAT you if you get too close!! OOOoooOOooooo
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7:35 am
“They use their evil sound to corrupt those who are easily led astray from the Good path, and bring them to the dark side”
LOL
May the force be with you, guys!
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1:13 am
Ah, Are you shitting me?
I think you people would have a GREAT time listening to Lamb of God, Check ‘em Out.
Really?
I’ve been going to church my whole life, I listen to metal. I Actually Love metal. Trust me I’ve listened to some pretty hardcore stuff (Goatwhore Anyone?). I pray and repent my sins. But its people like you who make it so damn difficult, Todays youth don’t need someone shoving religion down their throats. Why do you think they rebel against the church? Common sense people. If they feel they want to be a part of god then power to them. I honestly rather just have no organized religion at all and Just Believe in god while following his word. Where in the world does it say in the bible that we are not allowed to listen to Rock n roll?
If god didn’t want it, he would never have put it on this earth.
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7:22 am
Ooooooooooo…… you just went with the bashed the drums bit… so not good my ignorant friend. I’ll tell you a story here:
Once upon a time when I was 8 my parents corrupted my pure innocent soul by buying me a drumkit. From then I went on to drink the blood of virgins, became and embodiment of evil and worship the satanist idols of Travis Barker, Phil Rudd and Chad Smith. For the next 13 years of life I followed on this path which was so so so wrong, until I was saved!!! Saved by Nathan Saft whose immense ignorance to music and his list of random pointless facts completely turned me away from something I have spent most of my life doing.
Okay first of… Africa….. the unholy content!? you my friend, are racist!!!
Next…. the drums caused a crazed and violent state. I mean it’s not like religions such has christianity has ever caused this, has it?? Oh wait….. I completely forgot, it has.
Also, im perfectly okay coz i’m not going to hell. well i’m not in the way of your narrow-minded thinking, coz the drumkit that I use has crosses on it, hence: God Does Approve.
And oh no, I completely forgot, I have a tattoo of a drum on my arm…. please amputate it.
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12:31 am
I hate Satan so much. He even finds ways to corrupt music.
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12:50 am
He already done it to country and christian music. It’s the most innocent that is the most evil.
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3:59 am
hey fuck the children, leave them alone, they can get along just fine on their own. hell, they have to put up with your sorry fucking ass for 18+ years. if they can make it that far without becoming mind controlled zombies, they’ll be just fine. i’m gonna raise my kids on cypress hill, earshot, audioslave, hollywood undead and nine inch nails.
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10:34 am
long live rock and roll!
and heavy metal
and jazz
and blues
Do I have to go on?
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6:06 pm
Haha it’s TOO funny! Well… drum, bass and guitar are not only for rock’n'roll.. It’s just de basics music instruments ! After you said we should play christian rock’n'roll .. but with wich music, if drum, bass and guitar come from Satan ? Well… good luck!
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4:40 am
Gahndi was a dangerous pagan. Hopefully you don’t walk around all day like a liberal lemming, adorned with the requisite and politically naive Che Guevera celebration shirt, praising the societal menace that was Gahndi.
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4:48 am
Loving the phrase, “Dangerous Pagan”
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4:09 pm
Ghandi’s was pretty interesting. Until he died that is. Same thing with a lot of people.
Also, you’re the lemming. You blindly agree to whatever the church says, you blindly follow the teachings of a historical fiction book, and you blindly type moronic stuff like this. Get up, get out, get your own ideas and thoughts. Use what evolution gave you!
Where’s my beer…
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4:06 pm
Hehehehehe… Not to rain on your parade, but might I suggest domino effect?
Also, there is a lot of historical truth in the Bible that can be cross referenced with modern findings and other texts of the time. While the Bible shouldn’t be taken totally as law, it’s much more interesting as historical fiction. Jes never did walk on water, it was all wires!
Where’s my beer…
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10:03 pm
You ever had your taint licked by a forked tongue? I have and let me tell you what…HAIL SATAN
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12:17 pm
Like this.
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