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Man Tries to Rape Raccoon, Raccoon Bites Off Man’s Penis
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Man tries to rape raccoon, defiant raccoon bites of man’s penis.
A dirty Russian wanted to forcibly stick his sinrod deep into a raccoon’s stink, but instead today the man finds himself penisless, the victim of a ferocious mauling by the teeth of his would-be furry victim.
Like so many stories that involve rape and pain, the backstory here started with a 44-year-old man named Alexander Kirilov and his best friends, who went out for a night of whiskey and whores.
Like me, many of you may have been at that point before. You have a long week at work or just want to get away from the pain in life, so you down us much booze as you can and let the alcoholic spirits set in until the fat, sweating hookers at a bar start to not look so bad.
Unlike millions of normal Joe’s who hit the weekend bar to get away from it all, however, this Kirilov took getting messed up to an all new level.
As he staggered outside bar, likely in a side alley, Kirilov saw a raccoon who must have been seductively sauntering around a trashcan, teasing the Russian with its flowing furry locks and exposed backside.
Kirilov then reportedly leaped onto the animal, pinning it down and trying to rape the creature.
A hospitalized Kirilov said of the night, “‘When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun.’”
If fun involves trying to force your way into a raccoon’s pudding factory and getting your manhood mauled off for it, Kirilov has enough happiness to put Disneyland out of business.
Russian surgeons were shocked at the mangled stub of flesh and it remains to be confirmed how much they’ll be able to help Kirilov after conducting plastic surgery.
This news story is extremely gross and of course trying to fill up an animal in any way, form or fashion is pretty wrong.
I’m assuming the majority of readers here today are of normal mindset, so the other aspect of this story — going off to a bar and getting hammered with friends because your life sucks — is the topic I really want to get at.
As a kid I had a math teacher who’d tell us, daily, “Life is tough, then you die.”
It pretty much described my outlook on life through childhood and through a good part of my adult life. Life is tough. You die. To get through it, you can turn to many things. For a while I turned to drugs, booze, cheap women and being the life of the party.
Despite the money and fast lifestyle, at the end of the day I was still empty inside. You may feel that same way too. A lot of my fellow Christians in this community don’t like me because they say I’m crude or don’t push stuff the right way.
That’s just me. And if you’re trying to fill a void in you with a ravenous lifestyle and you still feel empty, maybe you should think about changing what you’re doing.
Change to what? That’s up to you. I turned to God and religion and I am content. Maybe you should consider it too, but what’s good for me may not be good for you. That’s your choice. My point is don’t keep doing stuff you know is destructive, because that’s just as dumb and will leave you no better off than the dude who tried to pull an old SN2 mechanism backside attack on a poor raccoon.
D.D.M.
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5:57 pm
Just why the hell would someone rape a raccoon? Was that guy a furry?
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3:13 am
Communist countries have a surplus of men because they kill all the baby girls, they are desperate for a female. But a raccoon does not make a good Christian wife.
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6:57 pm
Yeah, he probably dabbled in a bit of that no good Japanese animal anime (pornography) and it got him curious. Look like he’s paying for his sins now.
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9:47 pm
Uh, half the anime we’ve researched has girls running around with cat ears and getting twiddled by octopus arms. That’s immoral and we will get it all banned.
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10:54 pm
Funny… I like how this article was written. It isn’t particularly attacking anyone, and the guy was stupid and not called some racist thing.
And I agree with you… D.D.M.? I’ll live my life my way, but keeping destructive habits and lifestyles can ruin you, and finding healthy alternatives is definitely better. Glad to see religion helped. It ain’t my cup of pudding, but I don’t think I really feel like trying screw a raccoon after getting completely hammered. Right on man.
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11:29 pm
God is Santa Claus for adults
You live on the Earth, you die on the Earth, and that’s all there is to life.
Now that you know you only have one shot, go enjoy it instead of feeling guilty for being human.
But yeah, raping raccoons is messed up. Getting wasted isn’t. Unless you’re raping raccoons.
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3:32 am
this one made my day:D beyond stupid, how can someone rape a fucking small racoon, its really too much
and anime is not porn, hentai is porn and it really is gross.
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10:47 pm
I happen to enjoy hentai… more so than regular stuff.
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10:59 am
Anime is Jap for porno. The more you know.
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11:34 am
Anime is japanese for Animation. Hentai is the word for pornograhic animation.
This should be the fourth time I say this!
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3:51 pm
Adam Nelson is a shit sucker. please kill yourself soon…
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12:42 pm
ghey
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6:41 pm
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6:53 pm
Anime porn…? oAo
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3:23 pm
How did the topic of a man raping a raccoon turn into a rant of anti anime conversations ? That’s just idioduc. Anime is no different than Disney or pixar only with less concealed. Satirical references to drugs sex and racism. Anime is simply a medium of set in motion derived from comic books of Japanese decent. Not to attack the opinions of others but I find Japanese animation quite entertaining and a testament to the freedom of ones own creativity. As for a man having sex with a small mammal try considering that maybe this man is just simply sick in the head and extremely perverse. This is because people by nature are a completely idiotic race of being we constantly create ideas and transform them into belief structures that tend to do more harm then good. If ygrar structures start wars and Genocide and cover these terrible crimes in the name of god. Hyper conservative morals and values aren’t worth the blood of people that simply want to
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10:57 am
I have no idea how I came across this page, and I really have no idea why someone would try to rape a raccoon, but whoever that fake Adam douche is obviously spent his life in a vault. (a cookie for whoever gets the reference.) He knows nothing of which is speaks and he makes that point very blatantly. I would enjoy seeing him being destroyed by a thousand vengeful raccoons.
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1:09 am
wuh, this is a story
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7:21 pm
Oh really? Name me one example of a Japanese animal “pornography”.
Anime does not mean ‘pornography’. Get it right, dumbass. I AM THE TRUE ADAM NELSON.
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7:56 pm
As an avid watcher of pornography for the last 7 years, I can tell you that I have never seen one instance of Japanese anime pornography (called Hentai) involving animals.
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10:49 pm
Oh give me a break! It’s freakin’ cartoon porn, nobody’s getting hurt!
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3:09 am
That doesn’t count, dumbass.
I AM THE TRUE ADAM NELSON.
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7:59 pm
It’s ALL in good fun. Plus only a little bit of octopus hentai is good. You have do go for alien hentai, like Wish 1 Granted and others.
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11:20 am
are you sick in the head or is that just what “GOD” does to you?
anime is what the japanese used as a shortened version of animation
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11:46 am
Adam, you really don’t know anything, do you? Anime is Japanese animation. Most anime is marketed toward KIDS (eg. Sailor Moon, Dragonball Z, etc). It’s Hentai that’s porn.
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11:50 am
Right on for watching hentai! As you not having seeing any Hentai with animals, trust me, as an Anonymous, we all know that it exists. Rule #34 my friends. Other than that…Adam Nelson, haven’t you learned from Crazy_Bean’s continued attacking that you are nothing but stupid, immature, and prejudiced? Fuck off and die.
We never forgive, we never forget. We are legion, we are many. Man the fucking harpoons…We are Anonymous.
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2:02 pm
You’re a bit ignorant of what’s truly anime, aren’t you my friend. There have been explicit acts in all those porns you mentioned… Sailor Moon, Dragonball, Naruto Catstail, Bleach and all the others. Sometimes the FCC manages to catch their filth and demand it get censored out, but that’s not all the time. You need to research it more if you don’t realize that anime is actually being used in this way. It’s pretty scary and I worry for our kids.
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2:04 pm
Just like if you lived in Iran, they’d try to tell you the holocause never happened. Don’t be a puppet of propaganda buddy. This anime porn threat is real.
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3:58 pm
Pfft. He’s not even the REAL Adam Nelson, unlike me.
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4:07 pm
FUCKING IDIOT! Sailor Moon, a pornography? Fucking douche, you’ve never even seen the actual JAPANESE version, have you? I have. Of all those Anime you mentioned, I’ve seen EVERY ONE OF THEM in Japanese. And guess what? There may be scenes which hint at sexuality (Oh, noes! A panty shot! I’m going to Hell in a handbasket!!!!), but none of them, NOT A SINGLE ONE, has any true sexual material. Not a one has intercourse, or rape, or tentacle sex, or any other type of sexual misconduct IMAGINABLE! Perversion? Maybe a hint here or there, but sex? NO FUCKING WAY. If you are a troll, bravo for looking like an idiot and getting trolled even further. If you’re not a troll, I’m going to enjoy laughing at you for days to come. I’m laughing while I write this.
You wanna know my disclaimer? The one I use on most forums? It goes a little something like this:
“I have excessively used an online forum, and in doing so, I have become desensitized to pedophilia, terrorism, homosexual pornography, and most things that are objectionable. I honestly believe I no longer have a soul…
AND I’M LAUGHING WHILE I WRITE THIS.”
You have been told, warned, abused, cajoled, and constantly bashed against, and as long as your stupidity exists, I will continue to do these things for the lulz. Because, Adam, you provide TONS of lulz.
We never forgive. We never forget. We are legion. We are many. MAN THE FUCKING HARPOONS!!!! We Are FUCKING Anonymous.
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8:06 pm
What about Ergo Proxy? No sex, just good old American Violence. O what does anyone think of Adam Nelson rule 34′d?
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11:44 pm
please show me instances of porn in Sailor Moon, Bleach, Dragon ball Z….hello dragonball Z are there even women in that anime? that’s being ignorant, how can you judge something you’ve never been exposed to.
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11:49 pm
Actually YOU are the ignorant one. Those animes I mentioned are NOT pornography! They are CHILDREN’S CARTOONS!
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4:10 pm
I salute thee, fellow Anon. May Raptor Jesus bless you.
FOR THE LULZ.
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8:10 pm
Please, it’s spelled holocaust, and the people from Iran do know it happened, and they really don’t need the US fucking up their country like we’ve done to Iraq and what will probably soon happen in afghanistan, all set in motion by He Who Fucks Up, George Bush. Anime is a great form of art, it’s normally much better and has a more in depth story than any US cartoon.
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12:47 pm
spelling “holocaust” wrong is just as bad as claiming it never happened, ADAM!
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10:52 pm
Holocaust… whats that… never heard of it… you made it up didn’t you.
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