• Adam Lambert Is Officially Gay (Satan Sniffs His Sin Scepter Evidence)

    June 9, 2009 1:28 pm 16 comments

    Weeks ago people were up in arms as we judged Adam Lambert guilty of a case of gay.

    “Just because he paints his fingernails black and sashays around like a sparkly Freddie Mercury doesn’t mean he’s spreading the homogay agenda”, said all you liberal dissenters out there.

    Well now I hope you are all happy, because Rock N’ Roll’s premier sinfest magazine The Rolling Stone is now proudly carrying the headline:


    As everyone sat on the sidelines wondering how this young man had so much talent, we knew all along that it was because he was possessed with Freddie Mercury’s specter. There’s no other explanation for it.

    Now it’s being confirmed by this magazine cover and look who just happened to show up for the photoshoot. Our friend Satan! Look at how he slithers around Lambert’s secret parts, just proud of how when he gyrates it it causes all sorts of people unnatural feelings and sin.

    My friends, take this lesson and spread the news. Satan is once again on the prowl, recruiting new people to do his bidding on the next season of American Idol. I’d like to see the stats because I bet 12% of the viewers of this season’s idol have turned gay from being captivated by Lambert’s performances of ‘Ring of Fire’ and ‘Black or White’.

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    About The Author
    Dan Nordgren Born and raised in upstate New York, Dan Nordgren is currently a film student who enjoys martial arts, mountain climbing and football as components of his very active life. Join Team Sarah TODAY

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