ALERT: Satan is trying to make men erect by leaking topless photos of Britney Spears upon his world wide web of sin.
This harrowing news was anticipated last week when Celebrity Summer Nudefest was kicked off with the decadent Tonight Show, hosted by the not spiritually bright culture-blight Conan O’Brien. On his show he had Gwyneth Paltrow expose oiled legs and now Satan’s floodgates of debauchery have been opened for all women celebrities.
This latest ‘leak’ by Satan was first confirmed by internet site TMZ.com, who allegedly received a mysterious anonymous package in the mail. Sources report the package reeked of sulfur and had singe marks on it, so you can guess who the mailman was in this case.
Unedited versions of the photo have allegedly surfaced all of the globe, leading men without the Be Safe Online Family Override Filter into temptations of pornographic fornication and adultery of the heart.
I encourage all of you to pray and to be very careful when Googling information and opening emails from your buddies this week. This latest challenge from Satan will lead you down a dark road to poledancing strippers, back alleys and then death. There is nothing moral about those things so make God proud and stay on the high road of salvation, my dear brethren. Keep the faith.