Republican Friends, Please Only Have Sexual Relations With Your Wife

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Great shame looms over God’s Own Party today, as only one day following GOP Senator Ensign’s confession, now Republican Governor Mark Sanford admitted he had sexual relations with a foreign woman from Argentina.

After going AWOL for seven days, the South Carolina gubernatorial leader finally emerged on Wednesday and admitted his fault to the public:

“I’ve been unfaithful to my wife,” said Sanford, who followed this by saying he was “crying in Argentina” for five days. Now I’m never one to judge or cast stones, but it seems you can cry just as well in nice neutral locations such as the church confessional booth or perhaps while crabwalking across a bed of burning hot coals, so as to remind yourself what fun games Satan has in store for adulterating sinners as they elope for all eternity.

You see my friends, these scandals are more than just media items to discuss at the watercooler at work. They have major implications. They are events of eternal consequence.

America was founded on Christian values and is responsible for guiding the world to salvation, and God has charged the Republican Party to make sure the Democrats and their little miscreant socialist allies do not pervert our values or Godly heritage. The GOP is the classic watcher of the watcher.

Indeed my friends, Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

My heart is truly grieved by how many of our Republican brethren have not only betrayed their families over the past few years, but also God and country.

Over 50% of marriages in the US are falling apart and the nuclear family, the lifeblood of America, is becoming a rare occurrence. When our leaders fail to lead by example, we can only expect our young to follow suit.

Men, do not cheat on your wife. Don’t let a young woman entice you with her exposed legs and tease you with her siren call. Tell the harlot to take her tuna trap elsewhere, as you have not only a country and God to serve. But you have vows to keep. A wife to respect. A family to lead.

My friends, have some honor and integrity. Adultery is not the way to salvation or a better tomorrow.

For those of you who have fallen to the trappings of an adulteress’ lure, please visit the following link and get back on the right path.