God Hires Two Angels to Break Pope’s Arms
Shock and awe today in the Vatican after Pope Benedict XVI was released from Aosta hospital. The 82-year-old pontiff was rushed into the hospital late last night after ‘two men in bright, shiny clothing’ allegedly broke into the Pope’s home and roughed him up, fracturing his right arm in the process.
An alarmed Vatican released a statement which reveals the Pope had gone home after a long day, where he was prepared to have a little snack and then go to bed. What he didn’t know is that, God ordered two of his angels to break into the Pope’s house and ‘take him for a little ride and then teach him a lesson’.
The Vatican had purportedly sinned and angered God by making a written statement that evolution may be real. Make no mistake that God will NOT TEOLERATE such uncouth words on his kingdom of Earth. Evolution is a sham and in the beginning GOD created heaven and the Earth.
Due to the Pope’s sinful letters and writings, God was forced to send a message to the Vatican, to let them know who is in charge. He had two of his angels take the Pope and crack his forearm in two.
Some misleading sources try to claim the Pope allegedly “had slipped and fallen in his bedroom during the night”, but there’s no mistaking that this fracture is of divine origin.
God was displeased with the words the Pope had written so with a broken arm, the Pope and the rest of the Vatican cardinals will think twice about what they write.
Says spokes Federico Lombardi:
“‘He is learning to live with a right wrist in plaster…The most difficult thing for him is having to give up writing.’”
I hope this show of power and control by our heavenly God father has taught the Vatican their lesson. The Earth, like all of the universe, is God’s possession. You can’t go around and bootlegging your filth in God’s territory and get away with it!
His angels are always patrolling the streets and will not hesitate to break knuckles, arms or cast unscrupulous heathens into hell at the drop of a hat! No one is exempt, not even the Pope.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!
8:07 pm
Abe Abe Abe… God made evolution.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
0
6:32 pm
So, you refuse to follow the footsteps of god’s earthly represenitive because shiny people broke the popes arm. Do you still believe the earth is the center of the solar system because the pope at the time caught a cold?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
4:05 am
You spelled “tolerate” incorrectly. It would seem that the world around you is evolving and you are left as an ignorant ape. No offense to the apes out there.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
7:24 pm
None taken
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
5:22 am
im pretty sure God doesnt want violence
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
9:10 pm
How much did god hire these 2 angel’s for, In fact what form of currency is used in heaven?
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
4:48 pm
wowsers. thats just ridiculous. if i was a holy leader, i would be scared out of my thong. “oh lord, i have speaken the truth about evolution! oh noes! please lord, punish me so that i may continue to lie to millions and millions of people every day! so they can continue to waste money on your holy crap and my costumes!” goddammit, you guys are fooling yourselfs! can you get much dumber? you refuse to look at the solid facts and you continue to believe in nonsense and bullshit, just like a silly 4 year old! i would be embarassed if i were you.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
6:14 am
The pope admitted that his guardian angel was under orders from God.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
12:52 pm
I’d be embarrassed if I were you, reading this, and thinking it was serious.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
10:20 am
Well, now I understand why God needs all our money. Like a true mafia leader, he has to pay thugs to break arms to get his way. George Carlin knew what he was talking about.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
9:58 pm
I can see YOU evolved from an ape. Idiot
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
1:06 am
Wait. I say evolution’s true all the time. How come god doesn’t smite me or break my arms? Am I not important enough or something?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
4:44 pm
I’m sorry, but no intelligent being takes Genesis literally, word-for-word. It’s an allegory, cleverly constructed to illustrate God’s omnipotence. Oh, sorry, my words too big for you, redneck? The Holy Father merely gave voice to the majority belief within the worldwide Christian community that the undeniable and inarguable fact that the Earth has evolved over the past few billion years is down to a great Godly plan, that species have evolved according to His designs to cope with changing conditions on Earth. Only an American would be stupid enough to take it so literally…
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
9:37 pm
The first two paragraphs are funny.
The others are not.
Abe, get out of my country.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:20 am
Um… just saying, if God wanted to punish the pope for suggesting that evolution is real, why did he waite so long? Also, I was under the impression that God’s angels were supposed to protect us, not punish us for our beliefs by breaking our bones. Good grief people, if this had happened in the year 1800 I can understand people comming to such an insane conclusion, but two hundred ten years later, I thought people knew better then this. Apparently I was giving the human race too much credit. Kudos to those of you who do know better.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1