• Swimmer Michael Phelps Loses Race Due to Smoking Giggle Weed

    July 29, 2009 10:16 am 6 comments
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  • Michael Phelps was an American swimmer who had it all; God-given talent, amazing stamina and Olympic gold. In last year’s summer Olympics in communist China, Phelps wowed the world with a record setting 8 gold medals in one Olympic games and 14 Olympic golds overall.

    Yes, friends, Michael Phelps was living the dream. Fame, fortune and blessings; but his life was about to take a downward spiral.

    A life spiraling to disease then homeless death in a gutter due to smoked drugs and cheap women.

    Yesterday, Michael Phelps lost a race for the first time in five years.

    He lost to an out-of-shape German, Paul Biedermann, who only finished 9th in the World Championships last year and was never blessed with an Olympic gold medal.

    Liberals will claim Biedermann was able to not only beat Phelps in the 200-meter-freestyle by nearly 1 second, also shattering Phelps world record in that race in the process, due to wearing the Arena X-Glide body suit.

    Anyone who swims will recognize this is a lie; swimming suits do not determine races.

    What determines races are lifestyle choices, and Phelps started to make very bad decisions last year. First, there were reports of him partying and smoking up the addictive bad lamb’s bread and magic mint with hooligan friends. The photographic evidence is condemning.

    These shocking pictures broke the hearts of young swimmers who looked up to Phelps and made God shake his head in shame. Only Satan cheered for Michael’s plunge into the tepid pools of sin. Then things got worse, much worse.

    Hookers.

    Reports surfaced first from publications based in the United Kingdom. These reports alleged that Michael Phelps regularly uses the services of call girls and News of the World even interviewed and took pictures of one of the supposed women, a latina named Teresa.

    You can read all about these allegations and other sins here.

    As we have reported time and time again, the fall of man always starts off with a little sin. John McCain was destined to be president, but his running mate’s daughter had a baby out of wedlock.

    Adam was destined to live forever, but his mate tempted him to nibble the forbidden fruit of knowledge. All mankind was cursed.

    Now the same fate is playing out for Michael Phelps. He has tasted Satan’s fruits of sins, drugs and hookers, and now his downfall is in the process.

    Throwing muggle sack tea parties where people get high in the cloud of toxic smoke and then fornicating with women of the street leads straight to the hot waters of hell, where the only gold medals received are for how well you burn.

    Let us hope Michael Phelps turns from his wicked ways so he won’t keep losing races and bring America shame at the next Olympic games.

    For young swimmers out there, all drugs are addictive and women of the street will give you disease. Keep this in mind and keep your mind and body pure.

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