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God Smashes Indian Chandrayaan Satellite Probe, Moon Attempts
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New Delhi, India – India forced to end moon mission after it loses contact with satellite probe…
The curry-scented Hindu nation of India had space ambitions and God has struck them all down!
Moments ago, India’s space agency was forced to end its $82 million mission to our moon. Their plan was to send their unmanned probe, the Chandrayaan I craft, to hover the moon’s surface to map it out. After having it mapped, the nation planned to send astronauts to walk upon our moon, claimed by our Christian scientist Neil Armstrong years ago.
The Indian’s suspicious moon interest came to a halt two days ago, as their shocked scientists suddenly lost contact with the probe. Their sandal feet scurried with panic all through the Indian Space Research Organization, pulling their levers and frantically pushing buttons to no avail. They were unable to restore communications, said S.K. Shivkumar, the director for their sinful space network.
“The mission has been terminated,” Shivkumar stated in the telephone interview, adding computers on the craft had “mysteriously” failed.
Friends, God officially gave the moon to America during the 1960s. While the Soviets were busy building weapons of destruction and the Indians being racist to those of a lower caste, the benevolent America set its sights on more noble causes such as exploring the heavens themselves.
You need special permission to dare walk in the heavens, and it is clear that God has, waved his hands to block the radio signals and fray the computer wires in Indians vile space probe.
How dare they have the nerve to think they can explore space, when they don’t even have the decency to confess our Lord as their savior. They still worship cows and the Sun, so their society still has far to socially develop before they think they are ready to travel the stars.
Sadly, the Indians are hard-headed and did not take heed to this act of God. Their space agency announced they will build a Chandrayaan 2 (means Moon Craft 2 in American) to try a new moon mission in 2012, when they plan to put a rover upon the surface of our moon. Did they even contact Washington D.C. to ask permission to do these things?
If that’s not bad enough, India also plans to land an orbiter on Mars within 4 to 6 years. Only weeks ago, God struck down the Indian Ocean with a great tsunami and earthquake. Just before that, the Earth of India opened up and swallowed entire villages for practicing pagan third world religions.
Just like when we saw God smashes two communist satellites, I hope these Indians understand that he’s not going to change his mind. Their purpose in space is obviously sinister and they do not have Christ written on their heart; therefore, the secrets of the universe they shall not have revealed.
Source: Bloomberg
9:35 am
“The curry-scented Hindu nation of India had space ambitions and God has struck them all down!”
You know, curry is very yummy.
“Friends, God officially gave the moon to America during the 1960s.”
Just because we put a man on the moon doesn’t mean that it was ordained by “god”.
“Their space agency announced they will build a Chandrayaan 2 (means Moon Craft 2 in American) to try a new moon mission in 2012, when they plan to put a rover upon the surface of our moon.”
Good for them, they have every right to.
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6:07 pm
damnit, i’m hungry now
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9:50 pm
Claire~
Your cat video makes me sick. Cats are the cohorts of the underworld where Lucifer reigns supreme. The ancient Egyptians worshiped them along side of bird headed ‘humans’ and lions with the head of donkeys. God will fix you but good for posting that Satanic movie over and over on His Son’s website.
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7:55 pm
Then don’t watch my cat movies, uncle-fucker.
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11:51 am
Abe is a racist bastard
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12:33 pm
I still can’t decide if this whole website is in fact a huge joke or not.
Well, no, it’s a joke either way, but I mean, is it satirically intended?
Or are some Americans really this stupid? If so, I suspect I have wildly underestimated the country.
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5:41 pm
I’m not sure, but I think some Americans really are this stupid. If the site is not a satire, which I’m hoping it is, it’s worse than Westboro Baptist Church.
Truly this American is stupid. He doesn’t even know how to spell “smart-ALEC” or “Twitter”.
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9:54 pm
You must be one of those godless brown savages from Delhi, India. Get behind me Satan! I rebuke thee! The power of Christ compels you!
And tell your cousins to stay off the moon. I know you THINK it is made of cheese, but it is not and the Angels of the Lord will swat you down like flies each time you get near it.
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5:04 pm
i am a white catholic who goes to church every week and strongly believes in god. I also have an IQ of 202, which you can divide by 100 to get yours.
Though i say the Chinese will be the next world power. The indians are also going to pass up America. By the way. Abe Lincoln can go fuck himself. If it weren’t for him the south wouldn’t be part of America and our national IQ average would be much higher.
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4:15 pm
yeah but american needed meat cannon fodder so its why you have the south now
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5:23 pm
I’m British, actually. Same thing, apparently, according to you self-righteous superiority-complex-afflicted sanctimonious bastards.
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7:34 am
. . .an american friend of mine informed me when pressed that 40 per cent of his countrymen are decent fair minded and balanced people , and this I have found to be, unfortunately the remainder appear to have been in Abe’s queue when the brains were shared out ! Satire could bite ya on the arse and you would be non the wiser !
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8:10 am
yes offcourse it was god who destroyed india’s moon mission and next time they send a spacecraft he will go as far as to fart on it to destroy it and the holy shit will ruin the craft
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10:58 am
So, exactly how does America own the moon? Do we have a stamp on it or something? I really don’t think that our flag that was put up their in the 60′s means we own it.
Wow, I can’t believe you typed “(means Moon Craft 2 in American).” Really, American?! Come on Abe, your smarter than that! Lol.
“Cats are the cohorts of the underworld where Lucifer reigns supreme.”
Actually, cats are just furry little animals that make really good familiars. Lol.
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7:23 am
“Actually, cats are just furry little animals that make really good familiars. Lol.”
Typical propaganda of a Satan worshiper!
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6:21 pm
You know, I was trying to be funny, but I will not tolerate ANYONE calling me a Satan worshipper. Satan is a mythical being thought up by Christians. Wicca, my religion, has been around far longer than Christianity, so therefore I don’t think I could possibly worship Satan. The satanists you refer to are not a part of my religion, get this in your head.
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4:35 am
My dear brothers and sisters in christ
I Love all of you
…yes of course in the name of god, for the first i am really sorry for my bad english.
Indian christians consists Lower and upper castes, we both worship together for god’s answers in our lives and we don’t think god will particularly want to smash us and Our God, Our almighty Jesus sometimes take and sometimes give but it doesn’t mean god would hate us, brothers do you really know that your contexts here rising racial differences? or our god is happy with whatever you write?
Some of you said Indians smell like curry, racism is all what you write and you pointing at us that we are racists?… yes may be we are racists but we INDIANS accepted everything so we are full of communities like different colors of rainbow, God blessed us with peace and with that COURAGE though someone bomb us we don’t fear, we move ahead with our lives… i repeat we don’t have fears like you have
thank you my brothers in sisters in christ, i will pray for your peace so that you could live without fear:)
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1:52 am
Sorry, my Indian friend, but in true Christianity there is no caste system in the brotherhood of Christ. Have you not read the New Testament?
The only thing that’s low are those whose hearts belong to false gods and idols? How can a mission to the Moon be to the glory of God if a country is known for worshiping 8-legged false idols and cows?
Nasrani, I truly believe India can be a valuable asset to America’s exploration of space, but first, the land must develop socially. It must get over its superstitious ways and accept the true master of physics, God. God created the heavens and the Earth, not Vishnu or Shiva.
Until Indian currency reads In God We Trust and every day the bright school children proudly pledge allegiance to their one nation, under God and America’s guidance, will you be able to safely enter the heavens with our best scientific minds. Hopefully that clears everything up and why God had to set India’s noble space ambitions, all until their hearts are truly ready.
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8:01 pm
“It must get over its superstitious ways and accept the true master of physics, God.”
Considering how you believe in a giant invisible man in the sky who has never proven himself to exist, you have no right to call other cultures superstitious.
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2:42 am
There is no jesus . gospel of judas was the truth christianity is on the decline and will be wiped out evil cult of death
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4:59 am
THANK GOD that the MOON is STILL a CHRISTIAN NATION!
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2:47 am
who the hell says that moon is christian nation. are there any person on it. stupid thing and what science are you talking about the bible says earth was created 6000 years ago whereas modern science says it was created millions of years ago. christianity is the most superstitous religion. if you want to know more about hinduism visit http://www.hinduwisdom.info. may god bless you.
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4:34 pm
I seriously pity the author.
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6:11 pm
I am a St.thomas christian from Kerala.You fool,christianity was in India 1600years before America was ever formed,in what wierd sense of logic are you blabbering out this foolish things.Is this supposed to be a joke?
Even Ur great ancestors Anglo Saxons,Germanic tribes etc were formed only after 10th century.We were christians 1000years before Europe was ever formed.Check Ur facts kid,yes Ur a christian kid compared to us,our language is the only spoken language which is close to the language Jesus spoke Aramaic.
Yeshuve what kind of a christians are this?God raises up nationas,Over the years many nations have been no1 for a brief period,Roman empire,Spanish empire,Portuguese empire,Egyptian Pharoahs empire,arabian empire,Great Britain,Now USA.Its just a cycle of time why these things happen,but our faith and our land kerala,marthoma nanmakalulla(means land where we follow St.thomas path and way,ie good way) never dies out.Were U aware of the fact Kerala/India is the cradle of christianity in Asia?
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2:50 am
eDA nasrani pulle,
your Christianity is nestorian Christianity mixed with hinduism. Everyone knows kerala christianity was corrupt right from the begining, no wonder, the entire nation was unevanglized for over 2000 years. You bastards are a mix of Brahminism with nestorianism. Kerala isn’t the crade of Christianity, cradles of Christianity do not have the highest suicide rate in whole of india, highest child molestation, and above all a so called syriani Christianity that is mixed with hinduism and practices hindu rituals.
Get lost , you fornicated with demons to produce a hybrid demonic religion that you called kerala Christianity.
ketada pundache money? tharoli monay? ninda appanda andi poyi nakkada pulley, poyi ninda kanai thoman da chandi nakada patti.
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10:22 pm
Abe:
Thank you for this excellent piece brother! It is the duty of all Christians to be stewards not only of this world, but of all of God’s creation. What business do these Hindus have on a moon created by Jesus?
I am very concerned that Russia, which is basically communistic and atheistic, is planning a mission to the Martian moon, Phobos. Even worse, the mission will carry a payload prepared by the communist Chinese.
I ask all Bible-believing Christians to pray with me for the intervention of the Lord of Lords and Host of Hosts to slay this evil Phobos-Grunt mission. Mars, Phobos and its sister moon Deimos all belong to Jesus, not to red Russians and yellow Chinese! We should contact Rev. Pat Robertson and ask him to help in our prayers for divine intervention!
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1:45 am
Was that a joke?
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4:22 am
Yes yes Pat robertson is god incarnated.We must listen to what he is saying.What the hell man.
Do U think we christians are going to be silent by listening to this crap abusing my countrymen?
What kind of christ and crap is this
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5:28 am
“Ignorance is a bliss”
All these days, i thought USA is a forward country…now i’ve learnt, its still in Stoneage
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10:53 am
Abe… you can suck my dick, you racist bastard…. that piece of shit you wrote was so distasteful, I printed a copy off and used it while mastrubation… LMAO
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9:27 pm
How dare u write such NONSENSE! What baseless analysis ?
May Lord Krishna give u knowledge to understand what is right and what is not!
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11:11 am
LOL!
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7:35 pm
Virtually he is abusing our lord himself by posting such absurd comments in the name of our lord.WTH.Is this a satire or did he really mean it?
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10:44 pm
What is wrong with you idiots who take this seriously? This whole site is a joke. This guy is making fun of racists and fundamentalists. Personally I find it hilarious, but I’m sorry that since native english speakers can’t seem to pick up the satire/parody, our friends around the world definitely don’t get it.
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10:30 pm
Ha ha , i am still laughing..
Hinduism says nothing is permanent.. even you me and the entire universe.
Christian Moon ha ha ha.. thats the funniest thing.
Friends.. Indians treat every thing as part of god.. even dogs,fish,cat,rat,snakes every thing is part of god.. no saten no bull shit..
you have to live with them togather.. thats called universal botherhood. thats why we have so many vegitariens in Hindus than any other religion.
First understand hinduism fully. it has answer to most of your queries on universe..
I am still wondering why Chris has no words on dinosorus and pre historic animals in bible..
it just started with snake and two fellows.
No mention of galexies as a word.. no mention of plannets.. no info on on past … and future..
every one knows what happend in past..to some extent and every one knows what will happen in future. I am not sure what extra jesus told…
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10:19 am
Dear Author, While we debate the religion of Moon, you may not have realized that the SUN is a hindu god. That is why SUN won’t even touch you untouchable white christians so you look pale and ugly, while caressing his own loved children into a warm brown golden hue. If I were you I would not f*** with Hindus over a piddly little lump of pock marked rock. I mean, how much heat does it take to fry all of America to KFC crisp on a pile of broken crosses.. Be very very afraid my ignorant friend, ’cause all the solar system and the universe beyond are us.
Om Namah Sivayah
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11:34 am
So when the Indian probe landed on the moon with the Indian flag “officially” painted on it, your god and lawd and whaad naad “officially” gave the moon to us Indians. Note, I don’t say hindus but Indians. Fair enuf?
Note: if need to reserve space on moon for a villa in future highly upscale and exclusive community, pl send note to ISRO.
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8:08 pm
All these semi-naked curry munching savages in their den of destitution with the devils help devised their vulgar contraptions to defile the moon. God has sent his angels to cut of the link between these heathens and their demon inspired contraptions that defile God’s Moon! The devil and his bastard child Jesus have together sought to bring these modern day lepers the moon!
Cower before your master Lord Lucifer– ye followers of the bastard child Jesus and servants of the slave Moses!
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12:14 pm
very nice article , makes me wanna floor mary the bitch again !
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1:18 pm
Reading the post and some of the comments..I feel lucky to be an Indian !!…lucky to be in a secular country where a CHRISTIAN lady gives up the Prime Ministers post for a SIKH Gentleman, who is sworn in by a MUSLIM President for a country where 70% people are HINDUS !!
I belong to this Hindu majority, where all the minority communities feel safe and walk shoulder to shoulder for the betterment of the society…try to match that on u r land buddy..then we’ll talk abt moon
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12:44 pm
wat a retard..haha..religion is such a stupid concept..there are 2 sets of people.. rational ppl and the retards.. and the author belongs to the latter..on a lighter note, i wonder if a hot angel wil give me a spanking if i do somethin wrong.. haha..
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2:54 am
Hinduism is a dirty religion. They worship rats, cockroaches, penises of shiva, they also drink their own urine as ritual. Gandha dharam hai hinduism. Their Vishnu was a dirty god who slept with children and different women to produce dirty avataras.
Hinduism is a dirty religion. So is India, a dirty country full of Hindus. We are knanaya Christians, we came from edessa nearly 2000 years ago to this sh1tty dirty place.
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4:55 pm
No wonder people don’t like Christians! The author is obviously mislead, misspoken and totally misdirected. AND he knows little or nothing of the Christian Bible. As a Christian I am embarrassed at people like this person and Pat Robertson (who could very well be the devil in person!)
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