Strangers With Colbert: Secret Past of News Host Raises Questions
How well do you know Stephen Colbert, that charismatic tv host that you unwittingly let into your family rooms five nights a week? When his hot breath of political fervor and Doritos wafts over your face, do you say, “It’s just comedy, it can’t hurt”? Well, not so fast my friends. Like a fresh mint, I am here to offer you parents and children a closer look at this man’s murky past that should make you even more afraid of The Colbert Report. I also think it’s about time that Stephen Colbert come clean about his involvement with the offensive tv show, Strangers With Candy, and admit how it launched him on the road to a new brand of deceptively radical liberalism. “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13).
Where No Man Has Gone Before
Recently, I broke the story about the extreme form of cynicism hidden behind Colbert’s chuckling facade. I also dissected the fanaticism of his followers, who idolize the tv talker beyond reason (a story that was quickly followed up on by the New York Times). Many people commented that I didn’t understand Colbert’s comedy, the he’s simply doing a parody of conservatives like myself or Bill O’Reilly. But my argument is much deeper than that, people! Colbert is at heart an anti-spiritualist materialist and democrat. Behind the laughs, he teaches an extreme form of skepticism. And he profits handsomely from it. The end result is that he forces upon the young a distrust and outright hatred towards time-honored American values of freedom, the Constitution, Christianity, states’ rights and manifest destiny. The “doublespeak, laziness and opportunism” that is his hallmark poses a direct challenge to the goodness of our country as a beacon for the world to witness. Worse still, he encourages drug use, apathy and has a highly questionable desire to be surrounded by youths. Do we really want this stranger alone in our family rooms with the next generation of Americans?
Fanatics “Stalking” Stephen, Reports New York Times
Colbert would not be as much of a threat to America if it were not for the intense dedication of his followers. Apologists have tried to characterize them as genial tv watchers who happen to enjoy the show, but in a recent New York Times exposé (on the heels of my own work), an executive at The Report’s parent company stated, “They not only talk, but they stalk.” Another wearily noted, “It’s a cultlike phenomenon,” while scientific studies have found Colbert, “more powerful than Oprah.” This is intensely frightening when you understand that Colbert has a tight grip on the coveted youth demographic and can manipulate them to his radical whims.
Equally frightening, tens of thousands of Colbert’s followers have joined forces and have come out of the closet with their obsession, releasing a statement that notes:
“When it comes to the passion of the Colbert Nation, we’re pretty much the hardest of the hard core – the WristSTRONG bracelet wearing, vacation to New York taking, IAAASCY reading, Ben & Jerry’s eating, Donors Choose supporting, chocolaty nougat center of the Colbert Nation. We watch most every show, and a large part of our online life consists of cavorting with other fans of the ‘Colbert Report’.” –Nofactzone.net, 8/25/09
Colbert on Candy
Strangers With Candy was not only one of the most unspeakable shows ever to air on television, but it gave birth to the modern-day Stephen Colbert. The content was so disturbing that a thousand sex offenders locked in a room with a thousand crayons could do no worse. Its star, Amy Sedaris, is the epitome of a sex radical, a real life Marquis de Sade in horrible make-up, a woman rumored to be now living out of a van in Manhattan’s gay district, hustling sugary confections to the morally bankrupt.
Strangers With Candy is worse than flying from JFK to Singapore in the middle seat between two chatty Scientists. It’s worse than do-it-yourself rhinoplasty. It’s even worse than college improv. — Kyle Smith, New York Post
Pervasive crude and sexual humor and sight gags, including inappropriate sexual situations involving an adult and teens, brief partial female nudity, an obscene drawing, drug content involving minors, a running homosexual gag, recurring crude language and profanity. RATED O — MORALLY OFFENSIVE! — The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
Stephen Colbert’s started off small in this tv holocaust, but rose up through the ranks to be one of its major stars. Though Colbert has tried to suppress his role in Strangers and it is never mentioned on his current show or in any official biographies, his association with Sedaris planted the seeds for his later Colbert Report character.
Stephen played Chuck Noblet, the painfully homosexual high school teacher who has a fascination with guns and covert same-sex hookups. He professes a right-wing, pro-Christian ideology and is cruel to his wife (who is so unimportant to him that she never appears on screen). Clean-cut but homely, he seems a bit simple on the surface. In fact, watching early episodes reveals Colbert’s mediocre acting skills. Like a deer in the headlights, he constantly squints at his cue cards and inadvertently stares dumbfounded into the camera. But like many fragile young men, Colbert found the warm glow of tv notoriety addictive, and resolved to do everything and anything to stay in the spotlight, nearly bankrupting his young family in the process.
At the bony hands of Sedaris, Colbert was a quick learner. In one early episode he has animalistic sex with a costar in a filthy bathroom like some truckstop hustler. In another, he screams at a young girl, “Shut your dirty little mouth!” which quickly became his catchphrase, memorialized on hipster t-shirts across America. He found laughs with a prop gun that he named “Sweetness,” an anti-gun rights gag he continues on The Report. He exchanged herpes with one male character and then celebrated the transmission with a dance. Colbert also openly fantasizes about rough biker sex while a priest is present (a foreshadow of his gay bear fetish?), showers in the nude with his fellow teachers, and ultimately mocks a beautiful antique doll collection, like some demon who has no pride in America’s rich heritage. This vicious acting was a fearsome prelude to the dangerous and disingenuous character he would fully realize on The Colbert Report.
I want to digress here a moment to mention another of the notorious characters who burst out of this infectious disease of a show, if only to exemplify the sadly predictable trajectory of the Sedaris curse. His name is Jimmy Tickles and even though he is a child on Strangers, his adorable name should not fool you. He first appears as a cute mirror to our own wonderful children– cherubic and kind with a touch of innocence. Quickly, Tickles evolves into something sinister- an ambisexual nymph of high perversion, with bulging eyes that crawl all over you like some horny monkey. He delights in beatings and sexual disease. He screams and flutters. He is a great offense to heterosexuality. It is no surprise, then, that Tickles has become a sort of superhero among the most flamboyant of big-city homosexuals and a real life pusher of candy (Starburst) to children (see the sin here or here). As with Colbert, the perversion comes full circle!
On Strangers With Candy, Stephen Colbert first realized that nice guy antics weren’t enough to make him rich and powerful. He had to push the envelope for tv attention and Sedaris was the perfect teacher. He was taught to be a hypocrite, professing one set of moral values while acting on the most degenerate of his physical impulses. Politics weren’t yet part of his shtick- that came at the hands of Jon Stewart, a cliché of a New York Jew with a dollop of culture on his lapel. On Stewart’s The Daily Show he learned that talking politics gave him access to new realms of media attention, but his ego and lust for power grew so big that Stewart eventually forced him out (but with the business acumen of so many of his forbears, Stewart retained partial rights to the Colbert character, thus assuring him a steady income no matter how much of his market share his old protégé steals).
Recently, The Georgia Banner-Herald made an impassioned plea to have Stephen Colbert’s media awards rescinded. The New York Times piece mentioned above exposed the darker side of Colbert’s audience. It seems the liberal press just might be catching on to the threat this man poses to true American values. Isn’t it about time that Colbert comes clean about his secret nasty past? Don’t we as a country deserve that much? How much longer can he keep this hidden from the mainstream media? My own article elicited incredible emails and message board postings from people who are becoming disenchanted with Colbert. Other have stated openly that the show has lost touch with the times and that advertisers have grown weary of the star’s political bias (not to mention the possibility of a scandal erupting over his young male interns). It is too early to tell what the future holds for Stephen Colbert but as one commenter noted, “The anti-Colbert movement only has upwards to go! And then go some more up!”