Satan’s favorite hobbies include luring people to sin with exposed flesh and telling sick jokes around the water cooler, so there is no doubt that his sulfur-laden hand is behind a sick new internet site named Cracked.com.
The smell of rotten sin is strong on this one. I can only assume their “columnists” lay back in their dank offices and smoke dangerous, addictive drugs like Magic Mint as they come up with insane headlines like Marigina legalization” and How To Win A Fight Against 20 Children.
There is no one that hates children more than gays, as for as you know for every one gay four children get improperly diddled, and after a few more headlines you’ll come to realize that “Cracked” is simply a front for the gay agenda!
Sure, these devilwhored scamps have sections devoted to exposed woman flesh and such, but do not be fooled! It is all an attempt to distract us as they carry out their true agenda to corrupt children and college students with thoughts of gays playing with each other’s furry satan scepters!
If this was 500 years ago I’d demand a trial so we could vote these liberal witches guilty and watch them float to the bottom of an icy cold Salem Lake that suddenly transforms to fire when they sink straight to Hell!
When loyal ChristWire contributor Janice first alerted me to their liberal sermons on gay furry orgies, I spit out my morning Oat Bran in disgust! Never have I heard of a furry orgies and if I were God of Universe for the day my first act would be to torture these heathens!
Look at this excerpt! Warning: The following media text archive contains dangerous teachings that espouse the homogay agenda and liberal methodology. Please first pray and then order women/children to immediately leave the room before reviewing and discussing with responsible adults for your parenting group.
I turned around to see a fat tiger standing on its hind legs in my living room. Stunned at the sudden appearance of a bipedal jungle cat in my home, it took me a moment to realize this was Mike. “Holy cats man, what are you doing?”
“Just getting a little more comfortable,” he said. An incredibly disturbing sound emitted from his head somewhere. Hours later I would realize, while shaking violently, that this was meant to be purring.
“Here’s your money,” he said, putting $20 on the table. Cynthia’s friend placed $20 on top of that and, with a wink, ducked past me and headed to the bathroom.
“Wait, whoa. What exactly do you people think my ad said?”
Cynthia and the fat tiger exchanged a glance with each other. “You said you were a furry enthusiast who wanted to hold a party.”
I gaped, incredulous at what she just said. “My ad? The ad which said I had two mint condition Care Bears for sale? A Bedtime Bear, and a Love-A-Lot Bear? That ad? You read that and thought I wanted people to come over, dress up as animals and fuck each other in my house?”
Cynthia squinted at me, as if I was the one being insane in a tiger costume. “You posted an ad in the Services Offered section with the words ‘Bear,’ ‘Bedtime,’ ‘Love-A-Lot’ and ‘Come on down?’ Dude. You knew what you were asking for.”
“You’re saying I posted a coded message advertising my fervent desire for people to get their sex smell all over my house, WHILE DRESSED AS ANIMALS!?”
My anger is filthY! Fitth! I spit in rage that they are teaching these things to our children! Rest assured that these gay supporters think it’s all fun and games to call their site Cracked and post these articles that are marinated in the filth of fecal sins, but mark my words! The only thing that will be cracked are the teeth of all involved parties as they gnash in the pits of hell!
Satan loves a cheerful sinner and it looks like these foul miscreants are relishing in what they do! I have no doubts that the whoredogs Jake and Amir have their sugar plummed anus fingers in the mix here, and I’ll be writing a powerful letter to demand they take this furry article down or face the eternal pits of Hell!