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Crazed Evolutionists Create Bearsharktopus
September 20, 2009 by Abe
Filed under Moral Alerts, Science
First is was the Borneo Montauk Monster, and now this. Look at it. Look! An abomination!
This is more proof why genetics is evil! Somehow scientists are planning to,.. splice the genomes of a the bear, a shark and an immoral Asian octopus to evolve these sea monsters against holiness!
My friends, the genes of a different species are not meant to be crossed. There is nothing good that comes from such actions. God has allowed man the knowledge of how to use microscopes and restriction enzymes such as EcoR1.
There is nothing moral about how scientists are using these restriction nucleases to cut the double helix of life structuring DNA itself at complimentary points, all to expose the sticky ends to allow genetic splicing and create these devil creatures!
Satan is a mad scientist and he’s always cooking up new offenses against nature in his laboratories! A unicorn women. Montauk monsters. Test tube babies. Evil!
Mark my words, structure dictates function! And believe you me, when you structure DNA in such a way that it allows three animals to exist as one, its only function will be to get struck down and burn in hell for all time!
Stop genetics! It is an abomination to science and nature, and only serves the aggrandizing, selfish agenda of dog evolutionists like Richard Dawson. These men have no morals or scruples, and don’t know what they are dealing with in their effort to play master and creator! Burn the lab experiments and gene manipulation!
Special thanks to Mary Bethea for warning about this foul creature via the Holymailbox.
And just as I thought you couldn’t get more bat shit crazy Abe you crazy yank that photo is so obviously photoshopped.
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What utter, utter, utter bollacks.
“First is was the Borneo Montauk Monster, and now this. Look at it. Look! An abomination!
This is more proof why genetics is evil! Somehow scientists are planning to,.. splice the genomes of a the bear, a shark and an immoral Asian octopus to evolve these sea monsters against holiness!”
So far all we’ve managed to do is make glow in the dark goldfish and plants that glow when they’re being attacked by predators. The picture of the bear/shark/octopus has been obviously photoshopped.
We don’t even know enough about DNA to theoretically make a creature such as that, as it would have to grow from a babe and thousands of complications would arise, though I’m guessing the latest news doesn’t get to your trailer very easily.
“My friends, the genes of a different species are not meant to be crossed. There is nothing good that comes from such actions. God has allowed man the knowledge of how to use microscopes and restriction enzymes such as EcoR1.
There is nothing moral about how scientists are using these restriction nucleases to cut the double helix of life structuring DNA itself at complimentary points, all to expose the sticky ends to allow genetic splicing and create these devil creatures!”
I don’t even want the genes of different species to be crossed in major animals such as bears, sharks and octopus’s. Bear in mind though without any genes being crossed there would be no medicine. Read up on how scientists make penicillin you retard. I would say saying millions of lives is moral, general genetic modifications for the hell of it, such as a bear/shark/octopus thing are immoral, but thankfully those don’t actually happen, that’s a pretty obvious one to fall for.
“Satan is a mad scientist and he’s always cooking up new offenses against nature in his laboratories! A unicorn women. Montauk monsters. Test tube babies. Evil!
Mark my words, structure dictates function! And believe you me, when you structure DNA in such a way that it allows three animals to exist as one, its only function will be to get struck down and burn in hell for all time!
Stop genetics! It is an abomination to science and nature, and only serves the aggrandizing, selfish agenda of dog evolutionists like Richard Dawson. These men have no morals or scruples, and don’t know what they are dealing with in their effort to play master and creator! Burn the lab experiments and gene manipulation!”
Satan is a mad scientist… that’s a new one. Well there always will be evil people who want to randomly mutate the crap out of stuff, just as there will always be evil Christians who want the destruction of every county except themselves, such as China & Japan, and who will try and spread fear throughout the world with articles such as “I am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People”
We are talking about a new evil in the world, they call themselves conservative Christians, but their agenda is world domination (well, repressing/killing everyone counts as world domination.
Anyone who wants to play God is stupid. We have enough trouble as it is at the moment with our world without people creating new ones when they haven’t got a clue what they are doing. They’d be much better off spending their time creating Atheism adverts to help rid the world of Christianity.
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photoshop.
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I dont buy it enymore .
You just cant be that stupid , its impossible .
This must be a trol site , this kind of stupidity cant be real .
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Isn’t it funny how it’s so hard to tell the difference? What does that tell you?
That a lot of Christians who have the attention of large parts of the Christian community are batshit crazy.
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This is a satire site. Seeing as many people can’t tell the difference I say their parodying is going pretty well.
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Yeah, it’s a shame that people like this have come to be the image of religion as a whole.
Believing in a god doesn’t make you insane. Being insane makes you do and say ungodly things in the name of god.
Strangely, I’ve yet to have some militant anti-theist get mad at me for being Buddhist.
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ManBearPig – I’m a Christian (really!), but you’re telling me that, Spider-Pig is not real?! You’re telling me that believing in Spider-Pig, is, is wrong?! Lol…
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I don’t know if this was a satire like the Onion; it would be more varied in its views, trying to attract humor from everyone. Also a lot of articles on here are contradictory, like when Obama called Kayne a jackass it talked about how great he is for America, and the next one slammed him as a communist czar (which itself is a contradictory phrase). A satire website would be more organized. AND even though these are by far the most stupid people ever, there are people like this out there, the hillbillies of west virginia who mistrust everything they cant understand. One or two would eventually figure out that hitting the keyboard with a beer bottle makes letters appear on the screen and (assuming they can read) figure out how to smear their nutty squirrel shit across the internet.
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That’s where you’re wrong, Matt.
The Onion, at best, is occasionally funny. It’s satire for people barely above the grade of peasant,
because generally speaking, you’d have to be a peasant to not realize it’s satire.
As a result, it’s often times just straight out boring.
Real satire, good satire,
is the stuff that generates controversy as the masses are too stupid to detect that it is satire.
Furthermore, this site is incredibly consistent, even when it is purposely contradicting itself, it does so in an incredibly consistent fashion, likewise denying the contradictions in the commentary in an equally consistent fashion, forcing all those who respond into a state of befuddlement, anger, and exasperation. This would not be possible with the Onion.
The beauty of this site is, while 95% of the people leaving comments are shouting for reason and laughing at the “stupidity” of the articles, the real joke is the 95%. And that’s what makes the site so funny.
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Well I would say that the Onion is more unfocused satire, unlike this site, which is focused satire against anybody who has an occasional liberal thought. The Onion attacks anybody and anything that they think deserves it (although due to the nature of its writers the Onion tends to lean left-wing).
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Dude, chill out against West Virginians, don’t listen to the stereotype and try going there for yourself, we’re perfectly intelligent people just like you.
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OOOOHHH. Is it the cousin of this MAN BEAR PIG?
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Wow why don’t you idiots get out of church for a second and do some research on the satanic art of photoshop.
OOOooooOOOOOOoooo
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Abe, at first I thought you were stupid, but now I know you are borderline retarded nuff said.
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Abe, at first I thought you were just stupid, but now I know for sure you are borderline retarded.
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Stop Richard Dawson? Wasn’t he the beloved Neukirk from Hogan’s Heroes? Besides costarring with a frenchman, what did he do wrong?
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This was the deal breaker for me. I now know its a troll site. Still fucking +1 internets to the creators. I’ve trolled enough christian forums to take this site seriously for a few articles.
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It’s all true. I got to go to the museum where they created this bearsharktopus, and it was breaking out of its cage eating all of the people. Luckily I prayed and it didn’t even see me! It is said to be roaming around eating God-fearing Americans like you and me, and recruiting evil Asians for the cause.
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“My friends, the genes of a different species are not meant to be crossed. There is nothing good that comes from such actions.” Are you trying to tell me ligers are immoral?! It’s like my world has been turned on its head!
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Richard Dawson = actor. Richard ‘Dawkins’ = *hot* evolutionist. *drools*
Either way, this site is fake.
Everyone breathe – for entertainment purposes only
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Ah, my deluded little chum. I’m going to presume that you are at the wind-up with this chucklesome little article because if you are not? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
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this has obviously been photoshopped, also, what are your sources and references, dates, times. places. and anyway, scientists could not do something that complicated with genetics for a very very very long time at the very least, perhaps forever. also, how would the organism survive, its various organs, genes, and biological makeup just wouldnt work, like sharks cartilage, and bears bones, im not even sure if octopi have bones, and also, why is the octopus heathen and evil because its asian. afterall, it is not self conscious, it has no cognitive imperative or psychological understanding of the world, i love when god condemns things that cant do anything about it, especially if its of his own creations, read the bible ppl, its like taking candy from as baby and then calling it satanistic for crying. also, if satan is real, and he can lure us in with material greed and sin, does that not make god not almighty (he could just wish satan away surely) and that makes me wonder why you call him god…
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hahahaahhahahahahahahaahhahahaahhaahahah bullshit
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lollololololololololololollololollollololololllololololololollolololololololololololololololololololooolollololololooooooooolllllllllllloooooooooollllllllllllloooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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“Manbearpig is a half man, half pig, and half bear. ” Algore
I am sure he is real, NOT!!!
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