• Fabulous Family Values Event Disrupted by Outrageous Media Pretty Boys

    September 20, 2009 5:31 am 20 comments

    What do you get when you invite America’s leading conservative thinkers, both very young and very old, to a hotel on the edge of town and give the media permission to peek? Well, for the Value Voters Summit in Washington, DC it was a total lack of propriety and decorum, a glaring look at the obnoxious entitlement of our entrenched media establishment. These overpaid and fully-haired field reporters think they can sneak in anywhere, crank up the cameras and yack away. In this case, they came to disrupt important speeches by important Americas and hurt the some very important feelings in the process. The victims here were you average American conference goers who had paid thousands of dollars to behold the glorious brilliance cast by our greatest public intellectuals today, from Carrie Prejean and Stephen Baldwin, to Maggie Gallagher and Bill O’Reilly.

    In the first video (at top), James Rosen from Fox News is droning on and on in his loudest tv voice when a flag pin-wearing elderly American objects. Rosen, desperate to create some kind of news event, cries out, “There’s a gentleman trying to crowd into my liveshot right now!” The elder rubs up real close and grumbles until the vainglorious teleprompter-reader finally backs down. I imagine the defeated Rosen cried the night away warming a barstool and wondering if his expense account covers sessions with the local talent.

    The second video shows MSNBC’s Brian Moar, who looks just like Mayor Tommy Carcetti from the tv show The Wire. Moar crosses swords with a white-jacketed white woman, hero Linda Putz and others. His retort to them, “Please don’t touch my microphone” was pitiful and effeminate. No doubt, he’ll be cozying up to Jon Stewart in the next week to share his awful story. I can see the made for tv movie now, “Touched By a Conservative: The True Story of Moar’s Hot Mic.”

    Despite these gut-wrenching moments, I can report firsthand that this was a really awesome conservative event. They should have called it, “The Barack Beatdown & Christian Sleepover”! Students were enticed with “friendly foursome” same-sex hotel room shares at discount rates, and special young people-only events hosted by famous actor Stephen Baldwin (brother to deranged phone message leaver Alec Baldwin). Beauty Queen Carrie Prejean revealed that none other than God himself pushed her to confront hairdyed homosexual “power blogger” Perez Hilton at the Miss USA contest. Maggie Gallagher, the caring and kind-hearted founder of the anti-homosexual alliance, National Organization for Marriage or NOM (which, despite the name, is not affiliated with any feline fantasy sites), revealed that gay people can be very mean when they disagree with you. Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee won the White Guy We Wish Was in the White House Contest. Governor Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota finally came out of the closet as a true Christian conservative. Bill O’Reilly’s speech was so important and meaningful they evicted all reporters from the room before the Fox newsman would appear on stage. He was the only speaker of the day whose speech was closed to the news media. Looking a bit inebriated from the open bar, O’Reilly got a little teary while he discussed his fondness for shower-related Christmas gifts and Glenn Beck’s skyrocketing ratings. Sadly, Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin were no-shows (I guess they’re both feeling a little too self-important these days to hang with their old friends).

    value voters summit exhibits

    Here are some of my favorites from the Value Voters Summit agenda:

    • The New Masculinity: Real Men Needed To Beat Down Feminism: Feminism has wreaked havoc on marriage, women, children and men. It is time to redress the disorder it has wrought and that must start with getting the principles and ideals for a new “masculinism” right.
    • Thugocracy: Fighting The Blacks In The Vast Left Wing Conspiracy: African-American Barack Obama’s ethnic street gang is doing all it can to suppress free speech that they disagree with. Political pundit Michael Barone calls it a “thugocracy” and “Gangster Government,” in reference to the number of African-Americans with big jobs these days. How real is this threat to white America and how can we fight it?
    • True Tolerance: Curing The Homosexual Agenda In Public Schools: We all know public school are hotbeds and “hot beds” or horny homosexuals. This incredible closed-door meeting sheds light on rooting out the sex radicals in your local community and stopping them from turning YOUR child gay. Hosted by Candi Cushman, Education Minister at Focus on the Family Nonstop Action.
    • Global Warming Hysteria: The New Face Of The Pro-Death Agenda: Climate change hysteria rests on an unbiblical view of the environment. Learn why policies to fight alleged man-made global warming will instead cause hundreds of millions of abortions throughout this century, and how Christian liberty, Republican responsibility, and American capitalist prosperity are the key to a healthier environment.
    • Obamacare: Rationing Grandma’s Life Away: Long lines, refusal of care, months waiting for plastic surgeries, rationing of treatments, mandates in support of abortion, liberals with unlimited mood-altering medications. Is it the role of the federal government to provide this sort of womb to tomb healthcare? What about personal choice? Will the Mexicans finally bankrupt this country?
    • The event was also a great place to learn about these organizations in the exhibition hall: Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, Association of Mature American Citizens, National Abstinence Clearinghouse, European Americans United, Focus on the Family Nonstop Action, The National Alliance, Stormfront.org, Fox News and Phyllis Schlafly.
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    About The Author
    Stephenson Billings Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !

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