Is there anything more American than our high school athletic culture? From small town rivalries to Little League Championships, from cheerleaders and their pom poms to young firm men filling out new crisp football uniforms, a pair of bulging muscles below soccer shorts, the pep rallies, the bleachers packed with parents and victory pizza parties, in every way teenage jock culture is the epitome of wholesomeness. This sports world teaches our children to decide between right and wrong in realistic situations. They treat their bodies as temples by exploring and mastering their physical powers. They learn to be part of a social group where the glory of the whole is based on the sacrifices of the individual. It is, in essence, incredible training for the Christianity inherent in our beautiful American boys and girls.
There comes a time in every youngster’s life when they must decide to follow the jock world, to work hard on their bodies and skills, or to chose another path. Often, it’s the freshman year of high school when social pressures are high and the girls start to look awfully pretty. Choosing to be a jock insures a boy popularity, a fantastic group of friends, the love of parents and eventually success with the female persuasion.
When video gaming first became popular, experts warned of the likelihood of increased amounts of obesity, apathy, suicide, school violence, Satanism, masturbation, homosexuality and unemployment. Despite the fact that these predictions have come true, not much effort has been made to stop the production and distribution of video games. Grand Theft Auto, World of Warcraft, the Sims, Halo, Guitar Hero and Mario Brothers, just to name a few, have made unscrupulous corporations rich and taught a generation of our children to hate society and their parents.
Now video gaming is developing into a high school “culture” itself, as more and more children chose this pathetic and harmful lifestyle instead of joining a fun sports team. It is a world of couch potatoes and basement dwellers. Mentally, they have not developed past the 12-year old stage. They were raised on imaginary cartoon characters like SpongeBob, Pokemon, Barney, Transformers, Scooby Doo and Raggedy Ann. All they want is to return to that tv funtime, but their bodies have become so pumped with hormones they’re confused. Video gaming turns their childhood dreams upside down. Suddenly, Raggedy Ann is killing Scooby Doo while SpongeBob sexually pokemons Barney and these kids have found a new outlet for their mixed-up physical urges. It is no wonder, then, that we have increased episodes of violence like Columbine today. Video gaming is an addiction scientifically proven to be just as dangerous as crack cocaine and it’s making our kids immoral and angry in the process. They have lost all sense of right and wrong. They cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality and shooting guns seems like a fun thing to do. This is all the more tragic when they shoot the jocks, the very thing they wish they could be but failed at so miserably.
Adults who were video gamers in high school are far less likely to become investment bankers, real estate salesmen, doctors, lawyers and sports coaches. They do not become our pastors or politicians. With less athletes learning social and moral skills in high school, we have less of the people who make this country truly great. Instead, we see young adults who cannot accept maturity. They find comfort in worlds of dragons and blue-skinned girls with wings, androgyny and dirty muscular fantasy men. They’re far more likely to meet strangers from the internet in public parks. These poor souls may never have the courage to ask a girl on a date. Homosexuality is often an easy answer for their awkwardness. Out of terrible shame, they will lie to your face and describe themselves as successful, goodlooking heterosexuals with gorgeous girlfriends and a rich social life. But we know this is not true. It’s a desperate attempt to cover up utter failure. Professionally, the video gamer may grow up to be your Radio Shack employee, your bug exterminator, your cable repairman or maybe if you’re lucky, your half pleasant IT guy. But is that what any parent really wants for their child? So please, parents, be vigilant with your children and push them into sports. Take it from someone who knows, you will be saving their lives.
Stephenson’s Five Tips for Happy Jock Kids!
- No laptops! Kids can sneak these into their bedrooms for late-night play. Instead, get a heavy desktop computer and set it up with the screen facing outward in your family room. That way you can monitor you child’s computer use (homework!) at all times without interrupting your television viewing.
- When you’re not at home, unplug the power cord to your computer and hide the mouse. You can always put it in one of your sock drawers. This is a great way to make sure no video games are played when you’re not around.
- Be honest with your boys and tell them they’ll grow up as failures if they don’t excel at sports. Make them go outdoors! Lock them out if necessary. On birthdays and Christmas, buy them sports gifts. Every kid enjoys a new baseball mitt or a football! (I’d avoid skateboards, however, there is too much drug use and anti-social behavior connected with it.) And when they’re 16, it’s time to consider the appropriate “muscle car” for your boy.
- Have a private talk with your child’s friends (maybe when you “accidentally” lock your own kid outside) and ask them some of my video game slang trick questions: “What level paladin are you these days, buddy?” “Gosh, this town is nothing like Vice City, isn’t it?” or “Did you lose your Wee? I found one in the station wagon.” If they answer with any knowledge whatsoever of these terms, you have a secret gamer on your hands. Beware!
- Be concerned about the physical shape of our young people. You don’t even need to be a parent to do this. Watch them run and throw and jump. Encourage them to lift weights. With a handsome firm body, you don’t need an afternoon of sweaty wrestling with a soccer ball as an excuse to celebrate the beauty that our Creator endowed us with. Remind them that jocks can tan themselves shirtless anytime! There is just something so wonderfully wholesome about America’s strong and cocky high school jocks. The pale and pimply loners in black t-shirts too afraid to shower in the locker rooms will never be able to compete with that!