Email
Tumblr
Digg
Youtube
Twilight Vampire Children of the Corn Terrorize Utah Farms with Crop Circles
Twitter
Facebook
Delicious
Digg
Stumble
Reddit
Satan’s abducted children commited more tomfoolery last night, this time by making crop circles to celebrate their love for the latest movie in the Twilight series, New Moon.
As you know, the ‘new moon’ is heavily used in cult of Wiccans. Wiccans are new-age witches who celebrate Obama and abortion parties by dancing unclothed under the moon and hoping things like demented werewolves, disease upon nations and other devilish things like universal death panels will come to fruition after their bizarre ceremonies.
How sad is it to know that Twilight is now turning all children who see it into Wiccans?
Picture Evidence
ChristWire Digital Media – Aerial photos show that two separate “Twilight”-themed maze patterns have already been cut into the corn — a “Team Jacob” and a “Team Edward.” (In the movie, Bella can choose Edward or Jacob as her boyfriend.) [wait, is this a choose-your-own-adventure story now? -ed.]
Late last night, sleeping Utah children whose parents let them read all the Twilight books and watch the movies were had Satan enter the rooms and then whisper into their ears. Letting your children read books about vampires welcomes Satan into your home, it gives him the keys to your children’s hearts and bodies.
Tiptoeing over their bed, Satan opened his lips and said something sinister like, “Arise, young fornicated Twilight heathens, and go do my bidding in the local farmyards.”
I am sick and appalled that there are parents out there who let Satan do such things to their kids. Unable to fight off his words because their spiritual person was weakened by all the premarital fornication and blood death in the Twilight movies, these children had no choice but to let Satan enter their bodies and lead them out to these cornfields. We can all see the result of what he wanted them to do; make Twilight vampire wolf crop circles to celebrate this sadistic film by Mr. JK Rowling.
Dear friends, how many more times are we going to let Twilight lure our children to sin cults and death? Satan is the pied piper of souls, and his favorite instrument is your local movie theater. There he will play Twilight New Moon to all comers, and anyone who hears what this film has to offer may be hypnotized to particpate with bizarre Wiccan rituals and then eventually burn with the Soviets and gays in the lowest pits of hell for all time.
Let’s keep our children safe and proud. You must fear how much evil Twilight will bring into the life of your kids. Imagine the guilt in your heart if you find your kid covered with vampire bite marks or blight, his or her poor body eternally damned to think it was a real life vampire. Only hell would await them and it would be all your fault.
Oh dear parents, hear my pleas. You must save our children and ban this filth from their lives. Their young teenage minds cannot comprehend the, cosmic forces at work behind this crazy, sinister film and book series.
Love your children by forbidding them from seeing Twilight and burn any books that they have bought! They will thank you for your actions, for an eternity. Do it now, and make your heart proud. Burn it. Burn Twilight!
7:01 am
1.Those picktures are PHOTOSHOPPED!!! Even a blind man could see it!
2. Twilight and Wicca are oceans apart, and Wicca is an harmless philosophy.
3. “Twilight vampire wolf” That’s Underworld, not Twilight.
4. JK Rowling IS A WOMAN!
5. Twilight was written by Stephanie Meyer, not Rowling.
6. I have seen Twilight in the theaters, read all the books and I laughed my guts off for the story is so funny..nothing in common with Wicca. There’s no mention about it neither.
And THERE IS NO COSMIC FORCE BEHIND ANYTHING! IT’S JUST FICTION! Well written fiction, but still fiction! If there’s some lunatic thinking that vampires and werewolves are real, well, that’s the proof that his/hers parents didn’t make such a good job educating him/her.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
7:41 am
Abe why are you such an idiot.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
10:45 am
That is one of the worst photoshops I have ever seen. Plus I like the way you seem to know what Satan said to the little children. It wasn’t you in a devil costume was it abe? And of course you are a complte idiot if you think J.K Rowling is a man. She didn’t even write those books.
You sir are one of the stupidest, most ignorant people I have ever seen. I hope you die a very painful death and burn in hell where you belong you racsist bastard.
cheers
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
6:07 pm
This is the best site ever.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
6:55 pm
Though I harbor no kind feelings for that poorly written piece of trash “literature” that is Twilight, I must take offense to the ignorant and un-sophisticated ideas presented in this article.
First of all, the image the entire article is based on is obviously photoshopped. If ChristWire had any sort of proper editing process or technically-minded people on staff, they would have realized this and not posted an entire article based on a photograph that is not real.
Secondly, Twilight is written unintelligently, not Satanically. True Satanic writings, though not particularly intelligent either, are none the less far better written than this pitiful excuse for a novel.
It must be noted that reading certainly does not allow Satan to enter a persons mind. For example, I personally have read Satanic books, even the Satanic Bible, and I remain quite free to do my own will rather than that of Satan. Perhaps the author should read books before accusing them of being Satanic.
It is also inherently obvious that even if the images presented in the photograph of the article were real, they are not crop circles and the best alternate explanation is that someone intentionally did that for fun, not out of malicious or wicked intent.
Finally, the ignorance of the author of this article is astounding when he attributes the Twilight series to J.K. Rowling, who in fact was responsible for the equally poorly written (but no more Satanic) series Harry Potter. Twilight was written by Stephanie Myers.
This article is yet another demonstration of the poor editing of this publication, and only goes to show how ignorant and unenlightened the ultraconservative Republicans actually are about certain basic issues.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:48 pm
I think if you would check your sources that “new moon” is actually a lunar stage just like twilight is a stage inbetween night and day. It may also be the name for a book, a terribly written one, but there is no need to attack people. TOLERANCE PEOPLE, TOLERANCE.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:44 am
satan has whispered in my ear, and i am now attending to his bidding in local farm yards. I am proud of my large vampire bites and heathen spawn that is now growing in me.
Go ride a Rip Stick
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
2:46 pm
Last night Satan came to me. And do you know what he said? Here’s what he said. “Arise, young fornicated Twilight heathen, and go do my bidding in the local farmyards.” That’s EXACTLY what he said. So I did. Well anyway, I had a question. Hey Abe, do you know this from experience? Because you seem to know EXCACTLY how it all happens.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
5:27 pm
Curse that John Kevin Rowling for his continuous attempts to poison the minds of our youth! He and all of his vampire diary books should be burned alive.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:07 pm
I can’t think of how to put all of my opinions on this into a coherent paragraph, so I’ll just list them off:
1. Twilight is crap.
2. Wiccans do not worship Obama, or abortions, or nudity, or satan. They worship nature and the elements. They also believe in many principles similar to Christianity, such as not killing people (one of the Ten Commandments) and the threefold law (whatever you do comes back to you three times as powerfully). Just because you don’t know the answer to a question doesn’t mean you can make it up.
3. I know plenty of people who saw twilight who aren’t wiccans or satanists.
One thing I will say is that I somewhat agree that teenagers having sex is wrong, as are 15 year old girls practically wearing underwear to school. And call me old fashioned, but I don’t believe in premarital sex either.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:37 am
Oh my. I am in shock.
1. Picture is Photoshopped. I could do better, it’s so shittily done.
2. Wicca has nothing to do with Twilight. Actually, it’s more Christian. Edward thought he was damned to hell, Carlisle’s father was a preacher, and he still believed in a God.
3. I really am not impressed. Stereotypes. “Vampire werewolves”…? You’re thinking Underworld, I do believe. From the words of Eminem.
Fuck ‘em all Tell ‘em all to eat shit.
So fuck you Tyson, eat shit
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:39 am
And Abe. And Ice Van Winkie. And Bruce.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:53 am
My, my, in your time away you have become much more spiteful!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:42 pm
No. I just really don’t appreciate the stereotypes. And I never mentioned you, cause I kinda respect you. Abe, Tyson, Winkie, none of them have earned my respect. And by the way, those were the words of the Great American Hero, Eminem. Nice choice of Heroes, by the way.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:12 pm
Well, we’re glad to see you back. I was actually getting a bit worried that we hadn’t heard from you. I was even asking Shannon a while back if she had heard from you.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:19 pm
Really? You care?! I’ve just been busy researching and learning. Why were you worried, Tim? think that Susan’s insults to my heritage, or Friar Dick BothHoles telling me that my ancestors are rotting in hell, finally drove me to end it? Nope. I haven’t done that since I found the Craft.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:36 am
Firstly, you are an idiot.
That is quite obviously Photoshopped, even a small child could tell you as much.
And Secondly, I myself am a Wiccan and let me tell you not only do I myself hate Twilight, I feel you may find it beneficial to research Wicca before you put in anywhere near Satanism.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0