• Twilight Vampire Children of the Corn Terrorize Utah Farms with Crop Circles

    September 9, 2009 6:43 am 17 comments

    Satan’s abducted children commited more tomfoolery last night, this time by making crop circles to celebrate their love for the latest movie in the Twilight series, New Moon.

    As you know, the ‘new moon’ is heavily used in cult of Wiccans. Wiccans are new-age witches who celebrate Obama and abortion parties by dancing unclothed under the moon and hoping things like demented werewolves, disease upon nations and other devilish things like universal death panels will come to fruition after their bizarre ceremonies.

    How sad is it to know that Twilight is now turning all children who see it into Wiccans?

    Picture Evidence

    ChristWire Digital Media – Aerial photos show that two separate “Twilight”-themed maze patterns have already been cut into the corn — a “Team Jacob” and a “Team Edward.” (In the movie, Bella can choose Edward or Jacob as her boyfriend.) [wait, is this a choose-your-own-adventure story now? -ed.]

    Late last night, sleeping Utah children whose parents let them read all the Twilight books and watch the movies were had Satan enter the rooms and then whisper into their ears. Letting your children read books about vampires welcomes Satan into your home, it gives him the keys to your children’s hearts and bodies.

    Tiptoeing over their bed, Satan opened his lips and said something sinister like, “Arise, young fornicated Twilight heathens, and go do my bidding in the local farmyards.”

    I am sick and appalled that there are parents out there who let Satan do such things to their kids. Unable to fight off his words because their spiritual person was weakened by all the premarital fornication and blood death in the Twilight movies, these children had no choice but to let Satan enter their bodies and lead them out to these cornfields. We can all see the result of what he wanted them to do; make Twilight vampire wolf crop circles to celebrate this sadistic film by Mr. JK Rowling.

    Dear friends, how many more times are we going to let Twilight lure our children to sin cults and death? Satan is the pied piper of souls, and his favorite instrument is your local movie theater. There he will play Twilight New Moon to all comers, and anyone who hears what this film has to offer may be hypnotized to particpate with bizarre Wiccan rituals and then eventually burn with the Soviets and gays in the lowest pits of hell for all time.

    Let’s keep our children safe and proud. You must fear how much evil Twilight will bring into the life of your kids. Imagine the guilt in your heart if you find your kid covered with vampire bite marks or blight, his or her poor body eternally damned to think it was a real life vampire. Only hell would await them and it would be all your fault.

    Oh dear parents, hear my pleas. You must save our children and ban this filth from their lives. Their young teenage minds cannot comprehend the, cosmic forces at work behind this crazy, sinister film and book series.

    Love your children by forbidding them from seeing Twilight and burn any books that they have bought! They will thank you for your actions, for an eternity. Do it now, and make your heart proud. Burn it. Burn Twilight!

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    About The Author
    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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