Christianity Is The Only Way To Heaven

The following thought comes from a public member of the ChristWire community and may contain atheist rhetoric.  Reader discretion is advised.

Many people are denied entry into the magical utopia of Heaven because they never chose the path of Christianity. Never mind the idea that God can change anyone’s mind to believe in Him, that would be too logical. No, Christians would much rather believe that they are the only ones who can change an Atheist’s mind. Them, and that wonderful Zombie, Jesus. I mean, come on. He was dead and then rose again. He was a zombie. Accept it. Move on.
Now that we’ve established that Jesus was a zombie, we may worship him in the proper way. The most efficient way to worship Zombie Jesus is to offer up the brains of non believers. Take an ax to a random stranger’s head and sacrifice the pink, gum like organ! This will guarantee your entry into Heaven! If you never give Zombie Jesus brains, you will burn eternally in Hell!