By any given standard, America’s college students are dangerously close to gambling away the future of this country. They are failing the rigors of solid academic programs, they are failing to achieve decency and goodness in themselves, they are failing to find gainful employment once they graduate and overall, they are failing at life. This may seem a bit harsh, but when you compare today’s college children with those principled and hardworking youths of the past, the diagnosis is painfully necessary.
Parents and other adults have invested trillions of dollars and sacrificed incredible hours to make our children the best Americans conceivable. But somehow, despite our noblest intentions, today’s youths have been lured off track. Rampant expressions of sexuality, overindulgence in self-masturbation, widespread use of addictive marijuana and other drugs, and the new health threat of obsessive video gaming is pushing America’s youngest citizens past the point of no return.
We expect our institutions of higher learning to direct and nurture the moral growth of our youth. Only a few decades ago, dormitories had faculty members living on each floor. There were counselors, resident advisors and helpful professors on hand. Today, school administrators, campus priests and other elders have become conspicuously absent from the daily lives of our kids. They’re off writing books, attending pointless conferences or hiding from fear of lawsuits. Most of them don’t have a clue what happens behind closed dorm room doors, nor do they care. On the flip side, youth culture has become so insular and intense; adults are purposely left out of what’s happening in young people’s secret lives.
CAMPUS SEXUALITY: A DEAD END STREET
What our kids are doing in their college dormrooms is truly dangerous. The majority of children who experiment with homosexuality, oral sex, group sex or electronic sexual devices do so for the first time while at college. Kids have taken to calling this new trend of unbridled fornication, “hookup culture,” which entails casual hardcore sex acts with neither love nor remorse, between groups, same sexes and various other combinations in libraries, bathrooms, alleyways and parks (evidence here and here). With campus homosexual activist organizationss and boys showering together in very close quarters, there are too many temptations for the curious struggling with relentless physical needs. Teachers often lead these gay school groups, and sadly this is one of the few times your boys will interact with their elders while on campus. It also puts these lascivious old men obsessed with their homosexuality in dangerous proximity to our beautiful offspring. “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Alliance,” clubs are often federally and state-funded despite this being an incredible affront to the Christian taxpayers of this country. No wonder so many of our once hopeful youngsters become politically liberal and develop a fascination with older, hairy authoritative “top” men once they leave campus.
Reckless, nonstop dorm masturbation is another major college issue. Without mothers around to patrol a young man’s bedroom and check their bedsheets, children find their bodies to be fascinating playgrounds for their curious, restless hands. It can also lead to a dangerous condition know as Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome (read more here). The huge amount of self-gratification in schools is staggering and the quick availability of Internet pornography only makes it worse (vital studies here and here). Moms, do you wonder why when you call your son at school he always sounds groggy? Or why when he comes home for the holidays he drops off a saggy, sour bag of laundry and then shuts himself off in his room for hours? His disgusting habit has become an addiction so bad it’s keeping him from a good night’s rest (evidence here). And it’s not helping your children’s grades any. Masturbation is academic procrastination. It is immoral desecration. And it is fruitless narcissism. Why not make a surprise visit to your child’s room with a board game next time he’s home to prevent him from getting too carried away with himself?
ARE YOUR KIDS TOO STONED TO STUDY?
Marijuana! What an awful thing. News reports have stated that the major Mexican and Columbian drug cartels have hired the world’s top Chinese scientists to make modern day “mary jane” a hundred times more potent than it was in the 1960s (see a report here). It’s about as hardcore as cocaine, tequila and heroin mixed together. The old cliché of the pot puffer being lazy and harmless is shamefully outdated. Today’s stoner is an agitated radical, more likely to jump out a window to join a liberal protest march than to sleep on the couch watching Bugs Bunny. The crazed high one gets from a marijuana cigarette is directly connected to the rise in conspiracy theories all over the internet. “George Bush Invaded Iraq For Oil” is a classic drug-inspired pipe dream that college freaks have spread all over the planet, to the genuine harm of American foreign interests.
The new era of childhood compulsive narcotic paranoia is epic and epidemic (evidence). Without drug testing, most parents will never know the extent of the problem with certainty. School administrators have long turned a blind eye to campus dealers, who are called via pagers and arrive as sweaty bike messengers (additionally dangerous, they use this time to scope out our children’s rooms for a future rape or burglary potential). And when your son or daughter smokes up this stinky buddy of theirs, they find solace in the suicidal music of renowned hedonists like Phish, Amy Winehouse and ColdPlay. Would anyone really enjoy these deathbed jingles if they were sober? Of course not, but it has become the psychedelic soundtrack of their ludicrous, imaginary lives.
VIDEO GAME WINNERS, LIFE LOSERS
We have already seen that the new trend of video gaming addiction is a serious health risk. We’ve proven that it’s eating away at the fabric that once made U.S. high schools the very best in the world. Christwire’s recent investigative report, “Is Video Gaming A Threat To America’s High School Jock Culture?” opened many eyes and had the liberal youth brigade quaking in their Doc Martens. But this enormous danger is multiplied many times over by the college environment. Dorm rooms are like bacteria dishes where crueler and more virulent microorganisms are constantly introduced to breed in a frothy frenzy of poor judgment.
When video gaming is added to a culture of persistent sexual experimentation in a peer group of sex radicals fueled by vast amounts of mind-altering narcotics, reality is the big loser. One scientific report noted, “Young adults who played video games daily reported smoking pot almost twice as often as occasional players, and three times as often as those who never play.” They also had alcohol problems and very poor relationships with their parents (evidence here). Studies have shown that 70% of college kids admit that video gaming keeps them from homework and additional research proves that simply rooming with a gamer drastically lowers a student’s GPA (evidence here and here). Addiction to gaming is widespread and pernicious (research evidence here and here and here).
Video games like Gangstar, Halo and Metal Gear Solid are turning our clean-cut college children into drug addicted bisexual libertines who live in a nasty world of imaginary radical terrorists (Perfect Dark), sadistic nymphos (Soul Calibur) or hero athletes (Pro Skater). Your children have plugged their brains and your credit cards into video game consoles for constant play and have become so whacked out they sometimes die from lack of food and water (horrible World of Warcraft story here). Morality has no implications in this flat screen fantasia. Sharp colors and quick movement like you find in Grand Theft Auto make these couch potatoes feel as if they’re really moving through life at a brisk pace while in reality growing obese. It makes them feel important, as if they’re achieving something, while their textbooks sit unopened on nearby desks. It sucks up hours upon hours when these children could be learning business or engineering. Instead of American history, they memorize the satanic rites of Resident Evil, thrill in emotional suffering with Silent Hill or train to be Columbine-style murderers with Dead Space Extraction. Instead of ethics, they dive into a world of incredible profanity with games like House of the Dead, outrageous sexual perversion in Max Payne and Chains of Olympus and create a completely sad escapist lives for themselves in the Sims.
All this indoor activity deprives America’s students of the chance to meet worthwhile peers– fellow athletes and the children of important people for instance. Universities are so essential for networking. It’s terribly necessary for the future careers of our kids to get in the good graces of their socially-connected and wealthier friends. Also, outside social interactions helps sheltered young people to speak up, speak clearly and be succinct. Sports participation, once the fantastic foundation of any advanced academic experience, is at an all-time low. It used to be the place you formed life-long friendships– whether on the track team or the golf course, rowing down a river or wrestling on a basement mat. Devotion to sculpting and caring for your body as you mature is vital for your future health. It shows the world that you respect yourself as a temple of goodness and muscles. And it’s the best way to make close contact with the rigorous and strong amongst us. The real leaders of the future will be found sweating from a long hard afternoon next to you in a dimly lit college locker room. We are all humbled and equal in our small white towels, lining up for a relieving, hot shower.
A note for my young readers: The foundation of modern morality so necessary for the next generation to lead is not something you children will get sucking on the end of a filthy bong while yanking a joystick around the streets of San Andreas, gunning down minorities and looking for “Hot Coffee” as some mysterious classmate from Art History oils your tensed-up pecs.* This might seem fun now, but it’s truly destroying your soul.
* That’s a scene from Grand Theft Auto.
A RADICAL APPROACH TO INTERNET-AGE PARENTING
- Parents: It’s your incredibly hard-won money that you have earned from slaving away in difficult jobs that is paying for your child’s fun, four-year stay on a college campus, so don’t feel guilty about taking a decisive and active role in the majors and classes they chose. You have every right imaginable to be involved! You’re also paying their dorm fees and this entitles you to drop in whenever you want to check up on your investment in your kids. Bring a six pack of soda, they’ll be happy you to see you!
- Tell your children that if they truly love you, they will submit to regular drug testing. If they’re clean and pure, why should they care at all? Only drug users will say it’s an invasion of their privacy. This is a common refrain among addicts.
- Absolutely monitor your child’s internet use! Let them know about anything in their web history you find objectionable. Talk them through any odd sexual urges you see displayed on websites they click to.
- I know this is incredibly difficult, but it’s very important that you talk to your kids about masturbation. Just because it feels good, that doesn’t make it right. It makes young people sleepy and lazy and takes their mind off marriage.
- Show your children you love and care for them deeply and that you want only the very best for them. Explain that a moral and ethical education is far more important than trigonomics when it comes right down to it.
With the rising number of teenage drug addicts, the need for teen drug abuse treatment has become even more dire.