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Soviet Russians Sends Nuclear Spaceship To Mars, Claims Planet
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Hermann von Traugott
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martian commies nuclear starships russia send ship to mars russian mars colonyOctober 29, 2009
Soviet lieutenant dictator Medvedev inspects technology on new Russian spacecraft, slated to conquer Mars in the name of Russia in 2012.
Washington, DC – Wire transmissions from our contacts in Washington, DC, indicate the Soviets have successfully built a new nuclear powered spacecraft. The craft is armed with 1,000 atomic bombs and the Czar bomb.
The USSR is using the massive vehicle to transport several cities worth of people to our planet Mars and claim the planet in the name of Stalin, establishing it as a distant war base to build up their Soviet commie armies of destruction.
Analysts from NASA are perplexed and unable to figure out how the Soviets so quickly advanced their interstellar technology. The Pentagon did not make a statement on the issue, per protocol.
Russian science propaganda minister VLADIMIR ISACHENKOV recently announced the existence of this new craft and gave all Americans additional warning about these alarming developments in Russia’s new abilities:
MOSCOW – Russia builds a new nuclear-powered spaceship for prospective manned missions to Mars and other planets, the nation’s space chief said Thursday.
Anatoly Perminov first proposed building the ship at a government meeting but didn’t explain its purpose. President Dmitry Medvedev backed the project and urged the government to find the money.
In remarks posted Thursday on his agency’s Web site, Perminov said the nuclear spaceship should be used for human flights to claim Mars and other planets in the name of the USSR. He said the project is challenging technologically, but could capitalize on the Soviet Russian experience in the field.
“The project is aimed at implementing large-scale space exploration programs, building Martian comrade armies to destroy America, , interplanetary travel, the creation and operation of planetary outposts,” Perminov’s Web statement said.
Perminov said the new nuclear-powered ship should have a megawatt-class nuclear reactor, as opposed to small nuclear reactors that powered some Soviet military satellites. The Cold War-era Soviet spy satellites had reactors that produced just a few kilowatts of power and had a life span of about a year.
Igor Lisov, a Moscow-based expert on Russian space program, said the prospective ship would use a nuclear reactor to run an electric rocket engine.
“It will be quite efficient for flight to Mars,” he told The Associated Press on Thursday.
Frightening. The commies will soon have a fleet of nuclear powered starships floating above us, waiting to rain atomic bombs down upon the innocent heads of you and your loves ones.
The sky will darken as parachutes open over each of our cities and legions of cloned Martian commies descend from their space vehicles, from off a trip from Mars and ready to destroy America.
All of these things will go unchallenged unless a son of Reagan is voted into office in 2012, a man who will arm our NASA fleet with nuclear bombs, rail guns and lasers. That man is Jeb Bush.
We must fund our military to dominate space and make NASA a division of the Pentagon. Our science must become war! We are in a cold war with the Russians and we must do everything in our power to make sure WE, the most moral nation on Earth, remain the most powerful.
Let us bomb all Russian spacecraft and let our nuclear weapons float in orbit above their little communist heads. Then they will know if they step out of line, it will be death from above for developing weapons and technology that we told them not to create!
It is our divine right to rule the Earth, as was established by the results of World War II. It is our manifest destiny for the cosmos to also belong to the United States of America. The Russians are lesser people and are meant to support us, not lead to a new age of space violence. That is why we, America, must prevail and expand our empire of peace, unity and justice for all to Mars and every other planet we can reach.
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8:34 pm
lol at samefags changing names
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12:19 am
This website makes me laugh every single time I get bored enough to look at it. However, I should apparently visit Cracked.com more often. It absolutely astounds me that people truly do think this way. But, christwire, thank you for the laughs!
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1:53 am
I know people are nutty. But I’m just not completely convinced that the commentators are not in on the joke. It’s just too stupid.
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4:44 pm
is this… the onion? ussr? it hasnt even existed on a map for about 20 years… unless you’re still using the same crusty old map you had way back then… you people on this website are in sore need of a college education.
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9:29 pm
This is satire right? Please tell me I just missed the joke?
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10:21 pm
Just want to let you know, Hermann, that you actually left out parts of the copy and pasted news article you tried to post. Nice try though scaring everyone into thinking the USSR is still a country.
http://news.therecord.com/article/621041
MOSCOW – Russia should build a new nuclear-powered spaceship for prospective manned missions to Mars and other planets, the nation’s space chief said in remarks released Thursday.
Anatoly Perminov first proposed building the ship at a government meeting Wednesday but initially didn’t explain its purpose.
He said in remarks posted Thursday on his agency’s Web site that the nuclear spaceship should be used for human flights to Mars and other planets. He said the project is challenging technologically, but could capitalize on the Soviet and Russian experience in the field.
Perminov said the preliminary design could be ready by 2012. He said it would then take nine more years and 17 billion rubles (about $600 million, or C400 million) to build the ship.
President Dmitry Medvedev backed the project Wednesday and urged the government to find the money.
“The project is aimed at implementing large-scale space exploration programs, including a manned mission to Mars, interplanetary travel, the creation and operation of planetary outposts,” Perminov’s Web statement said.
The ambitious plans contrast with slow progress on building a replacement to the mainstay Russian spacecraft, sounding more like a plea for extra government cash than a detailed proposal.
Russia is using Soyuz booster rockets and capsules, developed 40 years ago, to send crews to the International Space Station. The development of a replacement rocket and a prospective spaceship with a conventional propellant has dragged on with no end in sight.
Despite its continuing reliance on the old technology, Russia stands to take a greater role in space exploration in the coming years. NASA’s plan to retire its shuttle fleet next year will force the United States and other nations to rely on the Russian spacecraft to ferry their astronauts to and from the International Space Station until NASA’s new manned ship becomes available.
Perminov said the new nuclear-powered ship should have a megawatt-class nuclear reactor, as opposed to small nuclear reactors that powered some Soviet military satellites. The Cold War-era Soviet spy satellites had reactors that produced just a few kilowatts of power and had a life span of about a year.
Stanley Borowski, a senior engineer at NASA specializing in nuclear rocket engines, said they have many advantages for deep space missions, such as to take astronauts and gear to Mars. In deep space, nuclear rockets are twice as fuel-efficient as conventional rockets, he said.
NASA has used small amounts of plutonium in deep space probes, including those to Jupiter, Saturn, Pluto and heading out of the solar system.
The only planetary mission currently considered by Russia is a plan to send a probe to one of Mars’ twin moons, Phobos. It was set to launch this year, but was delayed.
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