The Demonic Soviets have once again threatened our Christian nation. As we speak, Soviet dictator Vladmir Putin and his dog Medvedev are meeting with Iranian terror leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Russia supports Iran acquiring nuclear arms so they may destroy peaceful nations such as Israel, the Holy Land to our faith and way of life. Today Russia vowed to nuke every American city if we as much as suggest Iran not develop nuclear weapons that will destroy the unprecedented peace on Earth America has created since being the guardians of humanity since World War 2.
Hours ago, Putin went to the Kremlin and delivered a biting speech where he invoked memories of the Cold War and threatened to once again pull down the dark, blinding metal of the Russian Iron Curtain.
This bleak, blistery winter is the harbringer of icy relations between amiable America and the sinister Soviets. Russia has already started to prepare nuclear weapons, saying that America is still a Cold War enemy and that we our not allies.
Putin’s greatest dream is to see the flesh seared of the bones of your children, as they die from nuclear fallout and radiation. Soviets are all atheists and Godless people, so have no sense of reason or fellowship in their spiritually impoverished heart.
Barack Obama is a decent man, but not a man who can lead us against the new soviet threat. We need a man of military knowledge and expertise in office; a man who will not allow your children to die under the cold boots of a Soviet conscript. We need a man who would make President Ronald Reagan’s eyes glisten with pride.
Your heart should be panicked as Russia mounts a new war against our amicable nation that fosters peace, prosperity and respect for all countries on this Earth. To protect ourselves and our friends, we must double our military capibilaties and call for a new cold war against Russia.
We must make their people know that when you mess with America, you mess with God. And the wrath of our holy arms are endless and without bound. They must come to understand that if they kindle our anger, it will burn until we cast their lifeless, Godless carcasses and souls to roast for all time with their true Soviet leader, Satan.
Let us all look forward to the day when we wipe the Soviet people and their wicked land off the face of our Earth. If they want war with America, the nation blessed with the eternal riches of the Heavens, so be it. We will finish the job that our dear passed friends President Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II started long ago; destroy communism.
And we will not stop until there is nothing but a bleak, icy landscape covering their dark, dank lands filled with the cousin of beautiful oil, natural gas. And it will be free to all who are with us, and not against us. Amen.