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The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals
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The Golden Girls television program was never much to look at. A foursome of Florida geriatrics getting agitated about pharmacy bills and shoulder pads– who could ever find such a thing interesting? But somehow these perky and absurd women wormed their ways into America’s homes for an 8-year run in the 1980s. Maybe it was our desire to see our grandmothers having fun that encouraged us to watch. Maybe we wanted to believe old age wasn’t dominated by infections and hip problems, loneliness and crushing depression before death finally stomps us out like the acrid end of a damp cigarette.
The most unexpected segment of this show’s fanbase was America’s young men. In the 80s, these were boys too delicate for sports, too awkward for girls, too “artistic” for labor-intensive work and too flamboyant for peer acceptance in high school. With no real adults in sight, these poor children became obsessed with the poorly conceived characters on this show. Desperate for a firm hand in their lives, they gravitated to the subversive undercurrent of masculinity in these aged matrons.
Many studies have been done on why the gays love The Golden Girls, but science can’t fathom the moral challenges and social upheaval of those historic times. The 1980s was an epoch of President Reagan’s manly wisdom and the terrifying threat of Cold War annihilation. America had sobered up from the flashy lights of 1970s disco. We were skipping all night cocaine and sex parties to focus on our careers. Spiritual leaders like Jerry Falwell were telling us that Christianity was in the majority again. On the other side, there was a subculture of homosexuality creeping up on our youths. It gave them an excuse to wear tight jeans and to sneak off to public parks for quick releases with hairy men of different ethnicities.
THE GOLDEN GIRLS GAY AGENDA
It was only to be expected that our lonely boys exposed to these conflicted times would succumb to the nagging Golden Girls agenda. These were slender, unathletic children who were left out of the fun militarism of the Reagan years. Skyrocketing divorce rates ruined their faith in traditional relationships. Rock groups like Duran Duran and Styx encouraged big hair and overactive libidos. The show lit a match which enflamed their intense physical urges. With the utmost cruelty and immorality, The Golden Girls seized upon this opportunity to cross the hormonal wires of America’s lost generation.
The results were disastrous. Our horny, lonely boys sought out intimate comforts with likeminded Golden Girls addicts who didn’t mind each other’s theatrical voices and touch-feely hand gestures. Together, these clusters of awkward teens and twentysomethings bonded over their favorite episodes and characters, mimicking the voices and gowns of their tv friends. When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation. What woman would have them now, anyway? This led to the worse excesses of early homosexual visibility– the most enormous of drag queens, the dirtiest of leather daddies, the most enticing of twinkie boys, androgyny, overeating, public sex and the birth of “camp.”
THOSE THREE DIRTY OLD LADIES
If you walk down the street today and bump into a middle-aged homosexual, chances are that the nasty comeback he will shout at you is something he picked up from Dorothy Zbornak of the Golden Girls. Played by noted liberal activist and Archie Bunker-foe Bea Arthur, Dorothy had a hard, masculine voice. She was cold and quick-tempered. She taught our modern butt rompers to disparage everyone in their orbit. She schooled them on insulting people’s clothing choices, body odors, organ sizes and educations. Dorothy taught the gays to speak very fast and have the most superior attitude possible. This formula has worked for many of your urban leather daddies and flaming queens, who attack with the swiftness of a ninja. It often happens that by the time I figure out what the insulting gay man has said to me, he is long gone (probably off groping someone’s son in a Sears lavatory). For others, and here I’m talking about your waiters and retail salesmen, Dorothy has given them permission to be two-faced. They smile at you through gritted teeth when you tell them to keep their nail polished fingers off the edge of your pasta dish or when you make them promise that they won’t peek while you’re trying on a swimsuit in the dressing room. Beneath that smile is a sneer. These gays really hate you for your Christianity and your gold card, your mature good looks or the fact you lead a handsome camping group into the hushed mountains of Tennessee. In whatever afterlife world she inhabits, Bea Arthur is surely pleased by your outrageous outrages, you homosexual anarchists of America.
Blanche Devereaux, played by Rue McClanahan on the show, is one of the sluttiest sluts around. She will do anything to get anyone into her bedroom for hours of offensive copulation irregardless of her aging orifices. Like many contemporary gays, she also demands expensive dinners and presents from her “dates” and takes special pride in catching the rich ones. Blanche’s promiscuity is a common model for the personal lives of today’s homosexuals. Most gay relationships last a week. It is no coincidence that this is the amount of time between Golden Girl episodes when they first aired on primetime. Blanche’s appearances on the show taught today’s 30-something homosexuals that you need a new strange man on your arm every seven days or else your viewers/friends will lose interest in your life’s plot. Sadly, with the Golden Girls in weeknight syndication, the youngest gays have confused this timetable to mean they need five new boyfriends a week. Their sexual adventures have become both shockingly fast and befuddling to their next-door neighbors and Twitter followers alike.
Rose Nylund, played by x-rated comedienne Betty White, was added to the show as a sort of comic relief to the other more serious characters. She is thoroughly dimwitted. Her clueless acting style makes me cringe at her obvious senility. Senility is not at all funny, but the careless creators of this awfulness used her stupidity for a relentless barrage of immature jokes. Once again, Rose’s most salient trait was picked up and celebrated by the gay community. Every buff beefcake I’ve ever met has been tremendously brainless. They can bump out the beats to any Madonna song on a club railing, but are incapable of telling you the difference between Acapulco and an avocado. They lack the concentration to finish reading your text message, let alone a fantastic website article you may have forwarded to them. Most homosexuals love to gallop around a conversation, yammering out a bunch of big phrases to show you how smart they are. The truth is that if they slowed down for a minute you would see that the Lady Gaga references, truckstop handjob stories and Kevin Jennings defenses don’t add up to an intellectual argument. They’re just random phrases strung together by psychotropically-medicated, carnally-motivated ridiculous libertines glazed with moisturizer.
For Florida, The Golden Girls completely ruined the reality of Miami’s masculine reputation. It was no longer a city of Scarface and Miami Vice. The Cuban machismo and gorgeous Ferraris melted in the face of lengthy canasta games and comfortable paisley chairs. And then the gays came marching in to South Beach. Not even CSI Miami can win the city back for the straights.
WILL THE GAYS LIVE “GOLDEN GIRL” STYLE IN RETIREMENT?
Today, as this crowd ages we have to wonder what comes next for the Golden Girl generation of American homosexuals. They’re turning 40 and 50 now. Their hair is thinning, their waistlines expanding, their cachet in the cultural scene is long past. Most have settled into heavily mortgaged condos or bungalows in gentrified neighborhoods, bitter at their mid-level jobs with zero hope of becoming a CEO to make their fathers proud. Many are too old at this point to be pursuing anonymous street pickups and have settled into caustic relationships that are only monogamous out of mutual laziness. Maybe they find weekend solace in amateur photography or an overly primped shit-zu.
In a dozen years, the next logical step for these people is Florida. Will we see whole sections of this state devoted to horny gay retirees sporting the worst 1980s fashions? High pants and feathered hair and modern architecture? Will they follow in the lusty steps of their forebears, the Golden Girls? When all these gays are in such close proximity to each other, will we see a huge upsurge in illicit homosexual elderly trysts? Will they vote out Florida’s married Christian Republican leaders, like Governor Charlie Crist? Will they embrace any and every cutting edge social issue that will be hip in 2020? Personally, I do not look forward to the day when we’re having moral debates about robot sex, gay jetpacks or houseplant marriage. And worst of all, will the next generation of television executives see the need for a new Golden Girls show featuring silver daddies, poppa bears, wankers on walkers and 50-year old twinks who sit on your lap and suck Metamucil lollipops? America, I will be turning off my tv for good in 2019 just in case.
http://www.goldengirlscentral.com/
2:28 pm
“Most gay relationships last a week.”
Source?
“your mature good looks”
You think awfully high of yourself.
“or the fact you lead a handsome camping group into the hushed mountains of Tennessee.”
…where nobody can hear the screams of the boys while you sodomize them…
“let alone a fantastic website article you may have forwarded to them.”
Stop licking your own balls!
“They’re just random phrases strung together by psychotropically-medicated, carnally-motivated ridiculous libertines glazed with moisturizer.”
You mean like your articles?
“It was no longer a city of Scarface and Miami Vice.”
Ok, so the deplorable violence of “Scarface” is okay, while a show about some old ladies who are tolerant of homosexuality is wrong?
“Their hair is thinning, their waistlines expanding, their cachet in the cultural scene is long past.”
Hmm, you might want to take a look at yourself in the mirror before throwing out those accusations…
“or an overly primped shit-zu.”
It’s shih-tzu, not shit-zu, you fucktard.
This article is rife with unfounded assumptions. Just to name a few:
“With no real adults in sight, these poor children became obsessed with the poorly conceived characters on this show. Desperate for a firm hand in their lives, they gravitated to the subversive undercurrent of masculinity in these aged matrons.”
“It was only to be expected that our lonely boys exposed to these conflicted times would succumb to the nagging Golden Girls agenda. These were slender, unathletic children who were left out of the fun militarism of the Reagan years. Skyrocketing divorce rates ruined their faith in traditional relationships. Rock groups like Duran Duran and Styx encouraged big hair and overactive libidos. The show lit a match which enflamed their intense physical urges.”
“When the rush of cheesecake and gabfests wore thin, these hairless boys needed a harder thrill. They were so desperate for the next big trend they turned to same-sex sexual experimentation.”
“If you walk down the street today and bump into a middle-aged homosexual, chances are that the nasty comeback he will shout at you is something he picked up from Dorothy Zbornak of the Golden Girls.”
“(probably off groping someone’s son in a Sears lavatory).”
“Beneath that smile is a sneer. These gays really hate you for your Christianity and your gold card, your mature good looks or the fact you lead a handsome camping group into the hushed mountains of Tennessee.”
“Like many contemporary gays, she also demands expensive dinners and presents from her “dates” and takes special pride in catching the rich ones. Blanche’s promiscuity is a common model for the personal lives of today’s homosexuals. Most gay relationships last a week.”
“Blanche’s appearances on the show taught today’s 30-something homosexuals that you need a new strange man on your arm every seven days or else your viewers/friends will lose interest in your life’s plot. Sadly, with the Golden Girls in weeknight syndication, the youngest gays have confused this timetable to mean they need five new boyfriends a week. Their sexual adventures have become both shockingly fast and befuddling to their next-door neighbors and Twitter followers alike.”
“Every buff beefcake I’ve ever met has been tremendously brainless. They can bump out the beats to any Madonna song on a club railing, but are incapable of telling you the difference between Acapulco and an avocado. They lack the concentration to finish reading your text message, let alone a fantastic website article you may have forwarded to them. Most homosexuals love to gallop around a conversation, yammering out a bunch of big phrases to show you how smart they are. The truth is that if they slowed down for a minute you would see that the Lady Gaga references, truckstop handjob stories and Kevin Jennings defenses don’t add up to an intellectual argument. They’re just random phrases strung together by psychotropically-medicated, carnally-motivated ridiculous libertines glazed with moisturizer.”
“Today, as this crowd ages we have to wonder what comes next for the Golden Girl generation of American homosexuals. They’re turning 40 and 50 now. Their hair is thinning, their waistlines expanding, their cachet in the cultural scene is long past. Most have settled into heavily mortgaged condos or bungalows in gentrified neighborhoods, bitter at their mid-level jobs with zero hope of becoming a CEO to make their fathers proud. Many are too old at this point to be pursuing anonymous street pickups and have settled into caustic relationships that are only monogamous out of mutual laziness. Maybe they find weekend solace in amateur photography or an overly primped shit-zu.”
With mindless assumptions such as those, you have no right calling yourself a journalist. What’s incredibly sad is that those quotes I listed above constituted the MAJORITY of your article.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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36
3:53 pm
Claire, stating “I don’t agree with the following” and then posting my entire article does not constitute a counter argument. Are you a little cloudy headed this murky Saturday? I guess you probably stayed up too late listening to the Jonas Brothers and facebooking boys again.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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347
4:26 pm
I posted your “entire article” because your ENTIRE ARTICLE was unfounded assumptions. And your last sentence is only proving my point:
“I guess you probably stayed up too late listening to the Jonas Brothers and facebooking boys again.”
1. I HATE the Jonas Brothers. I’m 19 years old for fuck’s sake!
2. I don’t “facebook” boys. I have a facebook, but I rarely use it, and when I do, I most certainly don’t use it to communicate with boys.
In case you’re too dense to understand what my point is, this is my point:
YOU MAKE UNFOUNDED ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT PEOPLE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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4:29 pm
Claire, please chill out! You’re acting wild again. And of course my article is thought-provoking! It’s a controversial subject and surely some people are too devoted to this show to see its negative effects. Calm down, others will understand my point even if you don’t.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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4:34 pm
“And of course my article is thought-provoking!”
And where the fuck did I say that?
“It’s a controversial subject and surely some people are too devoted to this show to see its negative effects.”
I’m not devoted to the show at all – I haven’t even SEEN the fucking thing. However, I am devoted to my gay friends, and I don’t appreciate it when hurtful, false accusations are made about them simply because of a TV show.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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13
1:21 am
Could I just briefly mention, you don’t actually make any points.
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11
1:29 pm
although thought provoking i suppose
I stop giving this article any chance of revalant insight when the autor used “irregardless”
Praise or Condemn:
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5:25 pm
Stephenson Billings, you just love stroking your own ego don’t you? Thought provoking? Is that what you think this ‘article’ is? It is overblown pedantic rant about the evils of homosexual and ‘immoral’ matrons on prime time 80′s television. Your claims are unfounded. Your assumptions absurd, and your assertion that homosexual are unintelligent is offensive.
I am a homosexual man, 20 years old, who happens to enjoy the Golden Girls. I do not however, nor do I know any middle aged homosexuals, you will insult you if you run in to them. If you ran into me I would most likely apologize as a sign of mutual respect. I do not spot of random phrases to feign intelligence. I do not hate you for your Christianity, or any of the other reasons you tromped to make homosexuals seem like bigots. I respect your beliefs.
It is obvious that you do not have any substantiated, though provoking arguments when you turn to name calling and homophobic stereotypes as the basis for an article. Could you please join us ‘premicious,’ ‘one week’ relationship having gays in the arena of respectful intellectual discourse?
Praise or Condemn:
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8:17 pm
Your response sounds exactly like something someone that watched Golden Girls would say!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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8:10 pm
This comment system sucks. This is in reply to Claire: you’ve gone into great detail trying to help this guy! My husband (take that, marriage!) shut down and quit reading at the word “irregardless,” the “unforgivable sin” of the English language. Nevermind his Grand Guignol Gay vision of the world. The article is hilarious, but it does serve to remind us all that even if nobody in the real world SAYS these things, this is what they really believe. Even if this is a parody site, parody is just the extension of an existing paradigm into the absurd.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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14
10:50 am
I find this article to be horrendously insensitive not only to the gay community – which the author obviously knows nothing about – but also to the fans of “The Golden Girls” – a delightful commedy which invited us to laugh at ourselves as we grapple with life’s realities. How tragic that the author of the piece in question has such a narrow and unchristlike view of life.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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5:43 pm
Oh Claire, you must be so proud of yourself with all these homosexuals putting you on their gold spray-painted pedestal.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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190
8:12 am
Good one Janice… You must have went to a special school.. in my school years, 99.0% of all of my test only went up to 100… you scored higher? WOW! Give you a cookie and a glass of high protein soy milk….
Praise or Condemn:
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9:43 pm
102 good ratings claire! i bet you nevered score that much on school tests!
Hot debate. What do you think?
13 
112
7:56 pm
Apparently you “nevered” did either…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
97 
2
11:05 pm
Bet you are a real bitch. If god was real, he would smite you poor ignorant people, christ-freaks who put down the gay community don’t deserve the respect shown to an ant.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
5
9:24 pm
It is people like you that prove to me that there is no “God” and that Christianity is bull. You preach love and tolerence, but only if the people you “love and tolerate” are just like you. How about you actually try loving people, and that means ALL people, regardless of how you personally feel about their lifestyle choices. I truly hope that this is a joke website, but I am afraid that it is not.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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11
9:26 pm
It is people like you that prove to me that there is no “God” and that Christianity is bull. You preach love and tolerence, but only if the people you “love and tolerate” are just like you. How about you actually try loving people, and that means ALL people, regardless of how you personally feel about their lifestyle choices. I truly hope that this is a joke website, but I am afraid that it is not.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
81 
9
10:35 pm
I love stuff like this – way better than any parody that The Onion could make up. Please keep entertaining us with this wacko bullshit.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
92 
6
5:04 pm
That’s exactly what I said – this is RIGHT out of The Onion, only it’s not on The Onion. Really funny, the author uses the effects of only one source taken completely out of context to back up an ignorant stereotype. It’s exactly what Onion authors are likely required to do, but this one does so without effort.
It’s unfortunate, however, that’s it’s one more person who is spending their energy on creating a bad reputation for people who call themselves “Christians”. For the effort you put into writing this article, you could have actually been actualizing “Christianity”.
I know as well as anyone, there are MANY beings under the name of “Christianity” and it means many things to different people – but the most holy and real Christians I have ever met – and what makes my faith in God/Gaia/The Universe/Love/Us as Humans stronger every day – is that we are all perfect and love is all there is, because God is all there is, and everything else is an illusion. Gay people, straight people, whatever – there are no labels. God is real. Love is real.
And articles like this are funny in the mean time!
Praise or Condemn:
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8:16 am
Holy closet case! Another disturbing example of what happens when you deny who you are. Instead of a happy, well-adjusted gay man living a genuine life this guy has chosen to reduce himself to an unfortunate self-loathing voyeur typing yearning articles like this who probably thinks nobody’s on to him.
This is the silliest article I’ve read in ages.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
81 
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1:11 pm
This is article is so hilarious! I love it. The author is not serious. It is called satire!! He is satirizing the subject and making ridiculous claims with no factual basis which I think really portrays how stupid anti-gay commentators sound.
Good job!
Praise or Condemn:
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12:10 pm
Claire, you took the words… ALL of them… right out my mouth. This article is pompous, unfounded garbage.
No sources, no facts. Just opinion. I’d rather believe in the spaghetti monster than anything this guy is spouting.
Praise or Condemn:
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2:49 pm
Claire, and some others:
You realize this is a satire site right?
http://www.google.ca/search?q=christwire&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=Palemoon:en-US:unofficial&client=firefox-a
Praise or Condemn:
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4:57 pm
that show is just wrong.proper old women dont act like that! i feel sad for those actresses they make do these tacky things. it must have been awful for they grandkids to see. i blame the writers and tv people for always trying to make retired people into some joke to poke fun at. these people have worked hard life and should get respect. and that has nothing todo with the gays.
Hot debate. What do you think?
40 
121
7:00 pm
Sad but true, Janice!
Hot debate. What do you think?
30 
85
8:40 pm
to commenters who are not the author:
i understand your anger and frustration with the author, but it never helps an argument to be irrational about it. when presenting an argument against a person such as this particular author, one must stay composed and be calm in order to show the fact that thought this man maybe an irrational fool, you in fact are not.
to the author:
you are a mass of contradictions. 1. you say you are a devout christian, but the first thing that is always drilled into a christians head is learn the bible and believe it is true. you have been shooting down verse after verse of direct quotes from the bible and calling them cliches. you sir are a disgrace to all christians. 2. you also say that all homosexuals shall be struck down to hell but god receives all souls as equals. 3. you say that homosexuals are disgraceful and they comment on trivial things such as clothing, body odor, etc but you comment on men by listing their physical qualities i.e their hair, body, etc etc
you are a arrogant jerk who should stop commenting a delete this article because it is degrading to not only homosexuals, but also people who support those decisions. you shoot down everybody who doesn’t agree with your views. you call them homosexuals and say degrading phrases. a true journalist takes those ideas into account and answers them with calm reasoning. as a debater, the first thing we learn is never make an argument without some basis to support this claim.
here is an author who knows a lot more than you and shows the true characteristics of a journalist who is qualified to post articles on the web:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002340883_gayscience19m.html
if you really were a true journalist and whatever the hell else you claim to be you would never react to any of these comments in the manner that you have, nor would you have posted this article in the way that you have
journalist:
The literary journalist must always be aware of himself and of the subject as separate entities, yet also aware that the meaning of the subject can only be revealed through himself http://www.onewordlowercase.com/plan/END.HTM
blogger:
A contributor to a blog or online journal en.wiktionary.org/wiki/blogger
to end my comment:
everybody should start composing themselves in a more respectable manner in order to have their arguments be weighted more sufficiently. if you act like a careless fool who will post anything he or she wants on the internet on a whim then your comment will be viewed as a comment posted by someone who hasn’t thought it out clearly enough to make an impact.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:58 pm
As a reporter and a believer in the ever-living, I find this article to be shameful on both counts. Your points are not backed by factual data, your reasoning is based on hatred, and you harvest a destructive look on life that Satan himself would smile upon. Look to God and tell Him that you’re doing this for Him, and not for your own bigotry. To think that people like you a few hundred years ago would have done the same for slaves.
Praise or Condemn:
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4:09 pm
It never ceases to amaze me how Evangelical Christians find new ways to make themselves look stupid.
Janice and Stephen, these women were part of a generation not only lived through World War II but kept out country running while men went to war in Europe and Asia. The were extraordinarily capable and, like the menfolk of their generation, they earned the right to speak their minds bluntly.
My own grandmother and I watched that show together regularly. She lost her father in WWI and lived as a serf in the Balkans until she was 18. She raised a family through the death of her second baby, which she handled alone, a fire, another world war and several hurricanes. She earned the right to express herself without mincing words.
As for her femininity, she was a 5 11′ beauty who made any of the actresses or models of her day look homely. Yet she could do the work of any man from driving a tractor to butchering and canning a whole cow to working 14 hour days in an orange packing house all while raising her family. She rightly bragged she could do any work a man could do.
She once said “That’s what’s wrong with the world. Too many gays” after seen a news story on gay rights. I said “I know what you mean. These days nobody is half the man that you were, Baba!” and smiled. She understood it was a compliment.
Why are Evangelical women expected to feign (or cultivate?) ignorance, indecision, and stupidity to appear more “feminine”? What does it say about you, Janice, that you would buy into this?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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6:10 pm
how can you fight and say a t.v show made people gay? that makes 0 sense, thats like saying you believe star wars or star trek is based off a true story and they portray “real life” it never said “based on a true story” it was a show, something to entertain people and i hate to inform you but you cannot “turn” someone gay or straight for that matter by a t.v show and I personally hope this is a joke if not this is just a sad reality of how stupid society has become.
Praise or Condemn:
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5:25 pm
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!! “Stephenson Billings” I’m sure that’s your real name. You sad tired poor little man. In your older age you will realize just how idiotic you sound in this article. Complete fabrication using fear-based religious bigotry as your soap box. Hey guess what? Homosexuality is becoming very main-stream so you probably better get good with it or the rest of your life is going to be as lonely as it’s clearly been thus far. I feel sorry for you. I’m not even gay (and I’m sorry to the gay community for feeling the need to announce that to this idiot), but I know bigotry when I read it. You’re an ass and should be ashamed of yourself, but I know “people like you” are rarely ashamed of themselves. You just keep going, sir, spread the word of hatred. You sound like a complete idiot to anyone who has half an education thinks so too. There is a famous Shakespeare line: “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Get it?
Your ignorance is showing, Mr, Belvedere, I mean “Billings”.
LOL! Dumbass.
Oh, and, GOD BLESS YOU.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Hugs and Kisses,
Josh
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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6:56 pm
I’m a journalist. I have credentials. I do research and write about the moral issues facing our world today. Sorry that you can’t seem to comprehend that and feel the need to throw your homosexual slander my way. It just goes to show you the maturity level of your average gay, so obsessed with themselves they fail to see the harm they’ve done to society with their disgusting habits and offensive clothing styles. I pray your mother doesn’t cry too much for your debauched and perverted soul.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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132
7:04 pm
Honey, real straight guys don’t talk about “clothing style”. You are so transparent! You’re a big queen and it’s obvious to everyone reading your “article”. May I ask where you did your “research” for this? And clearly, “Stephenson”, the only one feeling threatened here is YOU! I didn’t write a ridiculous article about a sitcom that’s been off the air for 20 years turning boys into homosexuals. Oh, and by the way, I too am homosexual, but not in the “Motivational Childrens Party” kind of way. And you bring up my mother? HA HA HA! You poor desperate little scared man… Keep typing… You are helping me make my point.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:26 pm
Wow, I have to wipe my brow after reading that post. I feel like I’ve just sat some emotional therapy session with an unstable wackjob. Please take a breath. I am very Heterosexual, sorry to burst whatever fantasies may have been building up in that little head of yours. Please rub yourself off against some other internet authority. I will never be swayed in the lustful and debauched backroom ways of you perverts.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:36 am
This website is hilarious. Does The Onion put it out?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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6:39 am
i like how you tell people to go rub themselves off and then accuse THEM of being perverts
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6:43 am
LMAO I don’t think that’s what he meant. Gurrr, you dumb.
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10:05 pm
And do not call me “honey”. This is not the shower line at your local bathhouse.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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6:16 pm
I must mention something that is worth considering. NO one except a person who has visited a gay bathhouse can speak so familiarly of the shower lines. Unfortunately, it does kind of seem that this author has been to a few dens of sin–the little things he mentions seem to prove that he is much more in touch with the 1980s gay lifestyle that he admits here; it is perhaps his religious guilt about the past bathhouse incidents that have compelled him to write this article. It is his eery use of inflammatory language that seem to further incriminate the author in this regard. Stephenson may not be gay, but I’d eat my hat before I’d believe that he has never had gay sex in the past.
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7:58 am
i guess he does most of his “research” in the “shower lines at the local bathhouse”
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82 
4
8:19 pm
I’m curious just what journalistic credentials you have and how that impacts what you’ve written here, which is essentially an opinion piece for which the research seems to be watching legacy television episodes which you then treat with great derision.
Your defense of your piece seems to center on personal attack against those who raise questions about its use of stereotypes. This is no work of investigative journalism, its an entertainment review that serves as a platform for gay-bashing.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
52 
5
10:04 pm
I really don’t need to hear you recite Nancy Pelosi’s talking points on a well-meaning and morally unimpeachable article about the homosexual agenda and the fall of American nationalism. So please keep the nasty gay chatter for your next visit to the local bathhouse. It is inappropriate here.
And I am not a gay basher, I just happen to think it’s an awful lifestyle choice.
Hot debate. What do you think?
35 
83
1:23 pm
…Thinking “homosexuality” is a horrible life style IS gay bashing.
I see nothing wrong with homosexuals. This show was for ENTERTAINMENT purposes; you are just reading way too deep into this.
Hot debate. What do you think?
52 
29
11:22 pm
Did you just call your article morally unimpeachable? You’re pretty far off the mark if you believe that.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
6:28 pm
Only one thing is absolutely clear from this article…. it’s author is in the closet. This angers him, he has been taught to hate (so christian), so he hates himself. He writes the article, to belittle, when he is really belittling himself. He says he has credentials…. I say im the easter bunny, doesnt make it so.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
0
9:50 pm
“I’m a journalist. I have credentials. I do research and write about the moral issues facing our world today. Sorry that you can’t seem to comprehend that and I feel the need to throw my religious slander your way. It just goes to show you the maturity level of your average Christian, so obsessed with themselves they fail to see the harm they’ve done to society with their disgusting habits and offensive clothing styles. I pray your mother doesn’t cry too much for your debauched and perverted soul.”
FTFY
Praise or Condemn:
23 
4
5:33 pm
This article – and the author’s replies to some comments – are wonderful parody! Almost as witty as SNL’s Church Lady.
I’ve gotten this link from a lot of folks who are emailing it around as a humor piece. Now taking a closer look, I’m still not positive if the author genuinely believes he’s done credible work here – it’s nearly impossible to believe he does (but looking around at this intellectually challenged site, I suppose anything’s possible).
Either way, it’s really funny stuff. I laughed out loud a few times, and will keep passing it on as a parody.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
49 
6
2:44 am
Stephenson, you’re a journalist with credentials you say? Could you perhaps explain to me then why you thought ‘irregardless’ was even a word? That is to say, it’s not. To me it seems as though you’re an ugly, overweight, sad and balding little man with some delusional God-complex. Any journalist worth his salt wouldn’t waste time comparing the modern gay social scene to an 80′s sitcom.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
4
1:51 pm
—Usage note
Irregardless is considered nonstandard because of the two negative elements ir- and -less. It was probably formed on the analogy of such words as irrespective, irrelevant, and irreparable. Those who use it, including on occasion educated speakers, may do so from a desire to add emphasis. Irregardless first appeared in the early 20th century and was perhaps popularized by its use in a comic radio program of the 1930s.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/irregardless
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
3:02 pm
You apparenty do not do much research – the show did not run for 8 years in the 80s it ran for 7 years from the 80s into the 90s. Fact check. If you’re going to spew hatred, cynical comments and disregard for other human beings – at least try to get your facts straight. Your article read like an underaverage college student trying to prove his thesis statement with fluff.
It’s ridiculous, has no real backing and is insulting to anyone with true intelligence or a true christian for that matter.
Christianity is based on love, acceptance, tolerance and spreading the gospel – not persecuting others – you remind me of the “godly” people that persecuted Christ for thinking outside the box. You need to research the gospel, buddy – NOT The Golden Girls.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
53 
9
1:02 pm
c’mon stephenson, there’s one aspect of your satire that is conspicuously missing – that AIDS is god’s punishment of the gays’ lifestyle. Whassamatter pussy? Man up!
Hot debate. What do you think?
8 
33
4:11 am
This article was so stupid. Right. The Golden Girls turned men gay. What an ignoranimous. The men who watched The Golden Girls were already gay when they watched the show. DUh.
The guy who wrote this garbage looks a lot like Dorothy’s ex-husband Stanley Zbornak. He was a yutz.
Praise or Condemn:
13 
5
12:57 pm
Mr. Billings,
I am 25 years old, and I recently married my beautiful wife. I was raised in the Christian faith, and I find it extremely disappointing that so many people view your hateful slander towards the homosexual community as the “standard Christian belief”. Clearly you missed the bible study sessions when Jesus was teaching that love and acceptance of ALL children of god is the most important religious value. You should examine your own faith a little further and find ways to spread love instead of hate, joy instead of sadness, and acceptance instead of judgment. If the common representation of Christian beliefs is close minded views such as yours it is no wonder the membership numbers of congregations across the globe are declining rapidly. I thank the creating spirit every day that I was NOT raised in a fear based, hateful, and judgmental church or family. In closing: “Judge not least ye be judged” Matthew 7:1 “And now abide faith,hope,love,these three;but the greatest of these is LOVE!!!” I Corinthians 13:13 Lets all try a little harder to focus on the common ground we hold as Humans and not the petty differences that create voids filled with hate and intolerance.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
28 
0
5:30 pm
AH HAHA, oh, and this Bear also has an article where he tells Keith Oberman to “grow up”! LOL!
I think we should just leave Mr. Billings alone and allow him to keep writing. Nobody makes him look like more of an ass than he does himself.
What’s your next story? Lemme guess… Rachel Maddow is the spawn of Satan?
HA HA HA HA.. I am literally ‘laughing out loud’ at this clown.
Okay, Thumper, take your best shot!
Oh, and again, GOD BLESS YOU! (you need it, cuz with that attitude, he ain’t gonna let you in to heaven.)
XXO!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
26 
1
6:59 pm
I write many great articles, you might learn a thing or two about your digustingly gay lifestyle choice if you had the brain cells to comprehend my intellectualism.
Hot debate. What do you think?
29 
78
8:48 pm
“I write many great articles, you might learn a thing or two about your digustingly gay lifestyle choice if you had the brain cells to comprehend my intellectualism.”
Stephenson has gone past simply licking his balls, he’s now taken to giving himself blow jobs and eating his semen.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
48 
8
11:48 pm
Okay, this has to be a joke. Does this guy work for the Onion? Its too funny to take seriously.
I mean, look at his little blurb about himself.
He refers to his many careers — one of which being a “Motivation Children’s Party Entertainer”, dear God! — as a “one Special, Blessed Package.”
Yeah, okay, thats great that you have a “blessed package” Stephen, and thats the exact reason why I’m really not okay with the fact that you work with kids.
Why is it so hard to find a REASONABLE, INTELLIGENT, LOGICAL human being who DOES NOT support Queer Rights and isn’t actively against it to cover up their own internalized homophobia and repressed sexuality? This guy doesn’t have anything going for him. He’s clearly some kind of gay, he’s not reasonable/intelligent/logical at all (unless this is a joke, and then I would have to say its really funny) and he’s not even a decent journalist. Besides the awful structuring of this story, among other flaws any one who has taken a Journalism 101 class could find on the first read, he doesn’t even ATTEMPT at staying unbiased. And I’m using a very loose definition of unbiased. Not unbiased as in setting aside his own personal opinion like he should — he’s clearly incapable of that — but he can’t even write an opinion piece without sounding like a total dick and offending as many people as possible.
All in all, this is either Stephen Cobert at his best, or a poor guy who thinks of his high school boy crushes at night as he lays next to his ugly wife and tells himself they weren’t sexual attractions, they were just platonic and friendly desires that he won’t go to hell for.
Yeah, we’ve all been there, buddy.
That being said, I still really think this is a joke.
Here’s why:
“Well, there is something inherently virile and wondrous and handsome about a straight man, those gigantic forearms and hair-thick chests of our masculine brothers surely says something that God intended for us to be leaders, on top of the world.”
No human being with a brain functioning enough to facilitate the basic motor skills to operate a keyboard would ACTUALLY think A) big forearms = justification for imperialism and B) that men are “wondrous” and “handsome” with their “hair thick chests” and still insist that they are heterosexual.
This person only makes sense as a comedian.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
33 
4
12:27 am
I have great respect for the beauty of Christianity, as represented in the human form, the bodies of our youth who glory in His light. Our young Christian men are the purest creations of God. They are a testament to His power and His greatness. Why is it wrong to appreciate the immense strength and handsomeness therein? Why must you homosexuals see some gay lusty subtext to everything wholesome, whether it’s the artwork of the Sistine Chapel or the writings of Stephenson Billings? It is devilry on your part. Indeed, the Bible says:
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” –Corinthians 6:19-20
“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones.” –Proverbs 15:30
Hot debate. What do you think?
25 
40
6:34 pm
“Our young Christian men are the purest creations of God. They are a testament to His power and His greatness.”
Mr. Billings, do you believe that “our young Christian men” are purer creations than women?
Praise or Condemn:
20 
3
4:37 am
You poor, delusional “man”… YOU are the one reading a homosexual subtext into everything !!
Praise or Condemn:
17 
3
10:44 pm
You used the word “irregardless”. Just saying.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
3
5:33 pm
Please look for my upcoming article: “Stephenson Billings at the Hollywood Bathhouse”. I have pictures to prove it!
You might want to think about closing your blinds, sir. Your queerness is showing.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
28 
2
5:37 pm
Okay, last one, I swear: “Motivational Children’s Party Entertainer” = OBVIOUS PERVERT.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
5
6:58 pm
You really have no self control, do you? Do you take meds for your obsessive compulsive OCD or whatever it is? I am a decent, loving man who takes comfort in his faith. Why is that so threatening to you? This show was just plain awful, a real setback for tv morality and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Hot debate. What do you think?
21 
43
7:08 pm
A show that lasted 8 seasons on national television. Just sayin’. But keep typing sir… PLEASE keep typing…
Praise or Condemn:
12 
3
9:34 pm
Recently, a teen runaway who had a bad experience with crystal meth use came in to see me for counseling. He was as skinny and hairless as a canoe oar, but his eyes were still bright and his cheeks still rosy red. I knew there was hope for him so I took him under my wing. After a week of contact, I could see him coming around and looking up to me. The reason I mention him is that in our first several encounters he spoke like you type– very disjointed, angry, confused, jumping all over the place with his little spurts. It took the comfort and firmness of his elder to lead him on the right path. I had high hopes for the little guy, but sadly he went back to the streets, turning 20 dollar tricks. You can’t always win, but you must try, always try harder and harder. That’s what I do here. I know Josh you have problems and delicacies and you need help and I just want you to know that there are people who care about your problems so please don’t give up seeking an elder to guide you!
Hot debate. What do you think?
28 
43
11:22 pm
Oh come on, isn’t anyone else seeing the obvious sexual innuendo in the above story? This guy is totally yanking your chain. Very clever comedy, in the tradition of Andy Kaufman.
Hot debate. What do you think?
27 
4
3:12 pm
Re:>> “Recently, a teen runaway who had a bad experience with crystal meth use came in to see me for counseling. He was as skinny and hairless as a canoe oar”
I find it particularly disturbing that you have knowledge that he was hairless as an oar, as that would require you having removed his clothing to know of such facts.
Quite a daunting task considering he was ONLY there to be counseled. Unless whatever else you do with such youth requires disrobing.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
41 
3
3:43 am
I would say god help anyone that comes to you for counseling. And if you’re licensed by any state boards as a counselor, they should revoke your license immediately.
Praise or Condemn:
22 
3
4:23 pm
“The reason I mention him is that in our first several encounters he spoke like you type– very disjointed, angry, confused, jumping all over the place with his little spurts.”
Your entire article had me feeling as though you were disjointed, angry and confused. You seem very upset with homosexuals, obviously you’ve met a few (or several) rude people that you at least assumed were gay, but doesn’t excuse you for being the same.
I have met a higher ratio Christians (within many churches) who were rude, or thought they were holier than thou than I have ever met gays. Yes, some gays are rude and hateful, so are some Christians, Caucasians, Native Americans, and the list goes on.
I do my best to follow the teachings of Christ though of course I fall short, daily. Maybe God has a different opinion, but I feel this article is a great example of how Christians fall short. It reeks of arrogance.
Watching Golden Girls hasn’t made anyone gay any more than watching The Ten Commandments has made anyone a Christian.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
0
2:11 am
So, what im hearing is, not only are u a shitty writer, you’re a shitty counselor too?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
7:25 pm
“obsessive compulsive OCD” is redundant, dingleberry.. Or maybe I just can’t comprehend your intellectualism..
Praise or Condemn:
22 
3
8:51 pm
“Do you take meds for your obsessive compulsive OCD or whatever it is?”
Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s either Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD, not obsessive compulsive OCD. Retard.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
4
5:42 pm
No wait, one more: “Fucktard”? Claire, I’m a little bit in love with you. (But not in a GAY way!) LOL! Can you believe this asswipe? I LOVE the internet!
Praise or Condemn:
17 
4
9:45 pm
But how would you being in love with me be gay? I’m guessing (from your name) that you’re a male, and I’m a female, so that’s pretty straight. But if you actually are gay, that’s cool. I don’t mean to freak you out, but I have fantasies of having sex with a gay man, don’t ask me why, it’s just one of those fetishes, I guess.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
1
10:02 pm
Another example of the perverse sexual confusion of today’s cross dressing teens. Fantastic that your rub your debauchery all over my article. Thanks a lot.
Hot debate. What do you think?
20 
47
10:42 pm
Billings, shut the fuck up and go sit on your dildo.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
54 
5
10:41 am
Hey, Claire. If you have fantasies of being with fudge packers, I’ll gladly put my dick in your ass. Then, you can close your eyes and use the taste and smell to pretend you’re sucking off a gay dude. Just sayin’. Wanna hook up?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
5:59 pm
Stephenson Billings: The poor man’s Danny Aiello.
Praise or Condemn:
9 
2
6:35 pm
Stephen:
Even Blanche wouldn’t do you, and she did everyone. What’s apparent to anyone viewing your profile is that you wouldn’t do Blanche either. If they were around, Dorothy would give you a piece of her mind and try and convince you to come out of the closet, and she’d have some good solid facts to convince you. Rose would be slightly angry with you for even she could see how you got God totally wrong, and Sophia would quip that like her daughter, your gender was not easily distinguished. I do notice that you have a lot in common with John Wayne Gacy though. And just for the record, I think your putting pressure on us older queens to amp it up to 5 boyfriends a week is just absurd. I can hardly juggle the 4 tricks I’m doing a week, let alone 5 needy guys with strings attached!
Praise or Condemn:
20 
2
6:54 pm
My name is Stephenson, not “Stephen”. Please try to be semi-competent when you type. I would not have any interest in a hard, cold woman like Blanche. She uses her body in the most lacivious of ways and it’s offensive. I wish you’d keep your physical fantasies to yourself.
Also I am a Heterosexual, thank you very much.
Hot debate. What do you think?
16 
26
7:06 pm
How many “S’s” in ‘Ssssstephenssson’?
Praise or Condemn:
17 
1
4:48 am
hey Stevie boy ! You grammer an you frends grammer und spellin aint not so goodly anywas to ! yous kant be a edumakated jornulist wifout da spellin an a good grammer . den yous gots ta do sum book readin to knows wat to says. firstly, learn us wat da bible really means befo you go round spewin stupidity
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
10:20 pm
John, dating four indulgently homosexual men a week is the most reprehensible thing I have ever heard. Whether they are bushy-chested beefsteaks or rambunctious twinks or your run of the mill internet power bottoms, it all adds up to moral and financial hell. Gay men are little courtesans, they require constant cash to keep them happy and I do not think you have a clue what you’ve gotten yourself into.
Hot debate. What do you think?
16 
32
11:55 pm
“Gay men are little courtesans, they require constant cash to keep them happy and I do not think you have a clue what you’ve gotten yourself into.”
Bull-fucking-shit.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
2
12:00 pm
WOW, you seem extremely versed in the sexual terminology amongst the particularly promiscuous genre of gay men. I can tell you that my christian, conservative mother certainly isn’t familiar with “POWER BOTTOMS” “TWINKS” “LEATHER DADDYS”. Nor is she familiar with Bathhouses.
I will say she’s familiar with the stories of particularly religious men of the Church raping and molesting the purest of young boys (as you mention). I’m reminded of Shakespeare’s quote “Stephenson doth protest too much”.
So, Power bottom or are you fingering that poor meth addicted teen? Oh that’s right, you said he charges $20.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
26 
1
6:37 pm
And this idea that gay men are into he show is absurd as well! But check out our website ASAP
http://www.thegoldengays.com
Praise or Condemn:
9 
1
2:56 pm
I did click on your link and what I heard… Well let me just say, the amount of high-pitched hormonally-hexed homosexual hollering in this show is enough to damage your children’s children. The debauched and dangerous perverts behind this horror who have contrived to masquerade as 1980s Floridian female retirees are an insult to grandmothers and sunseekers everywhere. In my day, rump romping charades like this would be promptly raided by the police and the lot of you would be thrown in jail. Sadly, you kinds of sassy Sallys probably enjoy prison showers with tattooed Latinos. I cry for your mothers.
Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist
Hot debate. What do you think?
16 
29
6:45 pm
This is my response to Janicefan as it didn’t appear to public. All of you self righteous hypocrites should take note: You are mistaken. Golden Girls humanized older people. It made us all realize that they have needs for warm friendships, family, relevance to our society, and God forbid sex. Like any sitcom, it has to go over the top to get people to notice, but the underlying message was beautiful. And it’s well documented that their children and grandchildren are extremely proud of them. Not only did they do that, but they brought joy and laughter into many hearts. I wonder how often you can say the same about yourself.
John
http://www.thegoldengays.com
Praise or Condemn:
24 
1
9:17 pm
Sorry to mis-spell your name! ANd though we are having fun with this, what is most disturbing is that people like you and JaniceFun are wandering the streets believing crap like this. I’m glad you found your version of God. Why does it mean questioning other Spiritual people? Doesn’t the Bible have something to say about that?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
9:37 pm
I’m sorry but there is only one true path to our Lord.
Hot debate. What do you think?
10 
22
9:48 pm
Straight up your asshole!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
27 
2
1:50 am
Total win. -high fives-
Praise or Condemn:
14 
3
1:53 am
Dude, you gotta stop looking into things too much. Old ladies. 80′s sitcom. Did NOT turn anyone gay. People don’t choose gay, gay chooses them. ^_^
Praise or Condemn:
14 
2
1:56 am
Oh, and one more thing:
“Personally, I do not look forward to the day when we’re having moral debates about robot sex, gay jetpacks or houseplant marriage.”
Robot sex? Gay jetpacks? Houseplant marriage? I’m getting turned on over here…
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
6:13 am
I’m a journalist, a Christian and a student of the human experience. I write what I see. This show is very clearly identified with homosexual culture and it’s rise to fame coincided with the greater visibility of the homosexual movement. I think the evidence is clear that there is a connection, particularly when you point out the radical and loud natures of these old women and how contemporary gays try to mimic that.
Hot debate. What do you think?
17 
23
5:13 pm
“I’m a journalist, a Christian and a student of the human experience.”
1) You are not a journalist. You are a blogger. Please stop confusing the two. Journalists report facts, they don’t inject opinion into the piece they are reporting on. Bloggers spew opinions, however misguided, into the ether that is the internet. You, my friend, fit the latter.
2) You call yourself a Christian, but I assure you, you are not. I don’t think you’d understand true Christianity if it smacked you in the face.
3) A student of the human experience? I think you’d better get a refund on your tuition.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
38 
4
9:56 pm
Listen here you little freak. I am NOT A BLOGGER! I have stated this several times, please get it through your thick skull. Bloggers are crappy little people who write diaries about hair spray and episodes of Lost. I am a journalist covering cultural issues from a Christian perspective. Please get your facts right before you spew your dumb-witted hate my way.
Your other insults are not worthy of a reply. You are clearly one of the worst human beings on the planet, disparaging a very decent hardworking man such as myself. I happen to help children every day! They love me and my work. I am highly respected for my insights and my labors. Why do I even bother with hot-headed twinks like you who should be spanked red for their sins? Stay off my lap you skank.
Hot debate. What do you think?
16 
36
10:23 am
Hey Billings, as you’re always saying to me: calm down. You’re getting all hot and bothered. What’s wrong, do you have some sand in your asscrack?
Praise or Condemn:
12 
3
2:14 am
Sounding a little Glenn Beck-y there with the “listen here you little freak” GET OFF MY PHONE!
Praise or Condemn:
8 
1
2:30 am
Reading all these comments, this is all too much. I can’t tell if this site is a giant joke or not; I’m afraid it may not be! Perhaps the most embarrassing aspect is the constant replies from the author to every single comment, something so obviously rooted in insecurity that I’m now convinced it is real. Thus this my motivation for this message, well that and the condescending holier-than-thou mental flatulence dribbled all over.
It’s hard for me to swallow these ‘journalistic’ claims when everything I read screams the direct opposite. I’m not sure this could even make it to FOX “News” of all places, let alone an actual news organization. “Responding” to your readers, which by the way are effectively strangers that you don’t know anything about, with red herrings and ad hominem attacks is the saddest part of all when juxtaposed against so called ‘Christian values.’ Certainly not the values with which I’m familiar. Where is the love, charity, and respect? All I see is bitterness, baseless accusations, judgement, and exclusivity.
One prototypical example particularly strikes me: “Do you take such a self-righteous and superior tone with the people you encounter on your daily strolls through whatever bubble gum lala land you inhabit?” Talk about the pot calling the tea kettle black.
I encourage you to follow in your own stated self-image, respectful intelligent journalism. I’ve found nothing resembling it on this entire page. And bifurcating the world into those for and against some ‘agenda’ that only exists in your head is probably not the best way to go about it.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
4
2:42 am
Hmm, upon further reading I now believe this all to be a big joke. The satire was done in such a convincing jesus-freak way that I now feel stupid for being baited
But does every comment reply (wayyy too many, even for satire) really need to be so vitriolic?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
2
11:13 am
Let me congratulate you, Stephenson, for being one of the most sanctimonious morons I have ever seen in print.
A few minor points:
- First of all, you’re absolutely right: you’re not a blogger. To call this piece of unrestrainedly bigoted drivel a blog entry would be doing bloggers everywhere a disservice. Any comparison to investigative journalism would be absurd.
- Please attempt to acquire at least a perfunctory understanding of grammar and syntax before attempting to correct the grammar of others. “Irregardless”, for example, is not a legitimate word. It’s hard to believe that you managed to misinterpret the Merriam-Webster dictionary
- You cannot legitimately refer to yourself as a student of human experience without taking into account perspectives beyond those dictated by the Bible. However, with your narrow and altogether perverse reading of that sacred text, you may still need further study.
- Finally, please stop alleging that you provide “help” to children in order to refute any arguments raised against you. To do so is shameful. The monstrous sentiment behind your writing indicates a man to whom children should never be exposed. I weep for all the children irreparably damaged by your presence already.
Aside from the obvious bigotry that underlies it, your ‘article’ barely warrants mention. However, it would be remiss of me not to point out your amazing stupidity in conflating a few much-maligned homosexual stereotypes, whose behavior occasionally bears a fleeting resemblance to that of the golden girls, with the gay community as a whole. As yet, I have not equated you with, for example, with the stereotype of the relentlessly straight male, caring only about what beer to drink, or what woman to demean, as he bores all and sundry with a constant barrage of monosyllables. Nor have I more than tentatively compared you to the stereotype of the fundamentalist christian, though on reflection I think Pastor Phelps would be glad of you in his repulsively incestuous flock.
Also, if you do wish to continue to refer to yourself as an investigative journalist, I recommend citing your sources. Anyone can invent an encounter with a rude store clerk or waiter, or fabricate accounts of lewd homosexual acts (of which, it must be said, you seem to have a surprising wealth of experience). Reinforcing your extremely weak arguments with pictures taken out of context is not a wise move, and I should not have to remind you that, without any evidence to the contrary, your picture of men in golden girls costumes could easily have depicted straight men at a fancy dress party.
I suppose you can’t let journalistic ethics interfere with good old-fashioned bigotry. It’s appalling to know that people such as yourself exist.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
0
11:22 pm
“This show is very clearly identified with homosexual culture and it’s rise to fame coincided with the greater visibility of the homosexual movement.”
Stephenson, I must say that I completely agree with you on this point. Just like how the number of active pirates went down as the level of global warming went up.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
2
4:41 am
This whole thing was just plain stupid! Gay people are thee same as everyone else. Stephen you are a total and complete idiot.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
2
6:14 am
Thank you for your moving and insightful comment, you depraved half-wit.
Hot debate. What do you think?
13 
17
6:19 am
I read your reply and I just started laughing. I’m a depraved half-wit am I? You don’t want to go there.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
2
5:15 am
I think this website is supposed to be satirical…at least I hope so. You people make God cry.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
10:58 am
I have read a bunch of this guys stuff and now I have to say Congratulations to him!!!! As a writer myself, I wish I was this good at satire. There are moments when you watch Stephen Colbert and you don’t know if it’s a put on, but you usually come down on YES. This guy is so good I had to read this story and several others to figure it out. The clincher is the contact email for the site overall. The whole thing is so obvious once you start looking for it. The google ads are all for liberal stuff, the return email – even the headings below. Dammit Stephenson!!!! You win. This time.
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6:58 pm
I realize you may be a little too inept to post a photo on the internet, so here’s the one you failed to post:
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11:07 pm
Stephenson Darling!
Thank you so much. I am also rather inept at captioning. Could you be a love and mark under the photo for me “Coming to Palm Springs February 4th”. And if you’d even be a super duper sweetie poo and add “limited engagement” in big bold letters across the front. It would be super helpful to our cause.
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10:13 pm
I would never appear in Palms Springs on February 4th. Surely this is some debauched set up for the types of gang rapes of honest heterosexuals that your fragrant gays often engage in. I will not submit my Christian body to your vile, endless desires and would not allow you to profit from whatever videos would inevitably ensue from such a raunchy encounter. I know you people are always videoing your intimate copulations for resale and while I cannot really understand it, I find it both unseemly and outrageous.
And please don’t call me darling. That term should only be used for pet puppies.
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10:30 am
Billings, I doubt anyone would want to rape you, for the same reason that no woman has ever wanted to sleep with you.
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12:29 pm
“…insulting people’s clothing choices, [b]body odors[/b]…”
“Surely this is some debauched set up for the types of gang rapes of honest heterosexuals that your [b]fragrant[/b] gays often engage in.”
Damn us gays. Damn us and our uncontrollable urge to acknowledge how someone smells! I am rightfully shamed, and apologise to all ‘heterostraights’ for flaunting a gay man’s natural advantage – a working nose.
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12:31 am
Is this a homosexual and gay site or what???? Calling Ms. Billings????
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10:31 pm
I’m not gay, nor do I entirely support them (or side against them). However, this ‘article’ is truly nothing more than a hate-filled rant from a man who has obviously had some past experience with the gay community. I mean, some of these examples are just too specific to be made up.
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6:51 am
Gay dudes are gay cuz they like dick… The GG is not the cause of homosexuality there are plenty of gay dudes who don’t like the show and millions of str8 peeps around the world who love it and are not gay. This was a great read while i took a crap… but pretty silly.
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5:24 pm
And so it begins again, another article on why gay people are gay. And yet another one that lacks any true proof or substance. If you really believe that the Golden Girls really made American men gay, what can you possibly say about the lesbians, the bisexuals and the Trans people?
I was linked to this piece and thought it was satire at first, I truly did. I sat and read and my friend and I had a good laugh. You have not founded your argument on anything other than you own bias and misunderstanding. And if I’m using large complicated words you don’t understand than perhaps you should pull a dictionary off the shelf.
You have (presumably) never faced a day when you feel that you’ll be ridiculed and possibly assaulted or killed for your sexuality or gender orientation. You (presumably) have always been straight and male. Some of us do not have the luxury of being a cisgendered white male in a society geared towards backing us up. And your complete and utter bias and bigotry is offensive. You claim to be a Christian and yet in passing judgement in your post, you ignore Christ’s basic lesson.
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9:15 pm
My dear fellow, clearly the vast amount of back alley intimate encounters and motel room intercourse, hard pounding as it is, has somehow muddled that precious little brain of yours. I am a decent and whole man and I enjoy all the fruits of heterosexuality- the glorious women, the great family life, the smiles of children (even though I am not married). Heterosexuals are better corporate leaders, sportsmen and politicians. Do you ever wonder why gays never make it to the top in these fields (no pun intended)? Well, there is something inherently virile and wondrous and handsome about a straight man, those gigantic forearms and hair-thick chests of our masculine brothers surely says something that God intended for us to be leaders, on top of the world. Peace be with you!
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9:49 pm
“Well, there is something inherently virile and wondrous and handsome about a straight man, those gigantic forearms and hair-thick chests of our masculine brothers”
And the award for the least heterosexual statement of the day goes to…Stephenson Billings! Give yourself a hand!
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10:01 pm
Claire, why must you spray your hormones all over my journalism? Please calm down.
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10:19 am
Why are you spraying your semen all over teenage boys? Hmm?
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11:35 pm
“I am a decent and whole man and I enjoy all the fruits of heterosexuality- the glorious women, the great family life, the smiles of children (even though I am “not married).”
Wait…I thought pre-marital sex was a sin? I enjoy glorious women too, they are all my best friends and they don’t have to worry about me trying to sleep with them!
If you’re not married….how can you enjoy a family life? Still living in your parents basement?
I’m sure the children love it when you pedo-smile at them too.
I think you should respond to this and call me dim-witted, a jerk, tell me i had my brains scrambled by some back alley gang bang…whatever…I’ve heard them all from you already. Think of something original…call me a sinner! or a satanist or a crystal meth addict! yeah…that would be great. Or you can tell me I have mental issues with lot’s of problems that I need an elder to guide me through…or you can pray for my crying mother. Choose one, I’m helping you out, that way you don’t have to think to hard or google something to make yourself look smart.
P.S. your cute…we should go out sometime (gag)…
P.S.S. now you can tell me to quit forcing my sick fantasies on you!
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12:29 am
You misread me. Nowhere do I say that I engage in pre-martial sex. As for kids, I am an entertainer for parties and I also volunteer in a church, so I do deal with them a lot. Family life comes from your own brethren and your community. It sounds like you need a little grounding in your life, my child, the sort of thing a great Christian community can provide.
If you are a crystal meth addict, I will pray for you tonight! I understand it’s very popular in the gay world.
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6:52 am
“Heterosexuals are better corporate leaders…Do you ever wonder why gays never make it to the top in these fields (no pun intended)”.
Wow, you need to read a newspaper. Stephen Job’s replacement as CEO of Apple Computer is gay, I can’t think of a better example of “making it to the top”. You are such a loser…
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7:34 pm
Ok so I just dont under stand you. I am on the debate team and my family are big time Catholics, i am a big time gamer fan and because my parent explain sex to me when i started puberty i was not sexually confused. If you want to have a vailed point state facts and sorceses
P.S. Im am also in the B.S.A. and i frankly find you close minded, and god promotes the well being of others and that entails being open to gays, and gameing.
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8:43 pm
You sure do know a lot about the wicked ways of homosexuals – makes me wonder why? Oh, and you’re a pathetic excuse for a human being.
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9:59 pm
I’d rather not know too much about the nefarious and sticky ways of the gays, but it is something I have undertaken to do in service of my faith. The rest of Christendom needs to be aware of the dreadful, painful sexual things you lip-gloss wearing harlots do to each other in dark barroom backrooms, if only to protect our beautiful American boys from falling into the same trap. It is quite true that you people want nothing more to clutch the most wholesome of our jocks and wrap them in nonstop fornication. I am disgusted by you.
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10:05 am
“I’d rather not know too much about the nefarious and sticky ways of the gays, but it is something I have undertaken to do in service of my faith.”
Unmarried man, whose descriptions of young men I find very disturbing, and graphic “interpretations” of gay lifestyle and sex are revealing to me as a gay man, takes one for the team to perform research for his faith.
However you want to rationalize it, to gain acceptance from people who hate you for who you are and only love you for what you spew from your hole, this is the worst form of self-loathing.
It’s okay to admit, even if just to yourself, that you like the Golden Girls.
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9:29 pm
took me a while but now I get it. Feel sorry for the guy who’s image is being forged as “Stephenson Whatever”.
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10:24 pm
I don’t see a single fact in this article. Your link to a ‘study’ is a book written by a guy who analyzes TV shows. I’m a scientist. That is not a study. Most gay relationships last a week? Then why am I 54 years old, straight, and I know couples who have been monogamous for 5, 12, 17, 25, 32, 15 years – and that is not the start of my gay friends. I go to an open and affirming church. I know at least 20 gay couples and at least 100 gay people. NONE fit your description. Do you know ANY ONE personally who is gay? They are just like me. But they are not just like you. They are kind, smart, hard working and just want to live their lives without fear. No one chooses to be gay and they certainly did not choose to be gay because of a TV show. If you would like scientific proof, please check out LGBTLatestScience.wordpress.com.
Your description of young gay men as *artistic* (what does that mean?) slender and unathletic is clearly degrading.
Last, your article is very poorly written. It is filled with anger and wild claims. It is clear that you have chosen to stereotype and degrade people, all in the name of Christ. Religion does not justify or support hate. Stop hiding behind Bible verses written by HUMANS 2000 years ago in a different culture, that have been misinterpreted, to rationalize your narrow mindedness. Worse, you are feeding lies to a naive and uneducated audience seeking any reason to maintain their superiority over people they do not understand.
I will give you credit for one thing. The idea that a TV show can make someone gay is a contender for the most ridiculous argument I have ever heard.
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10:53 pm
Whacks self in head. This entire site is nothing but brilliant satire. Well, you had me. Well done! Nothing like something completely insane to make people wake up. Pure genius. Thanks for advancing the rights of LGBT people everywhere. Change a heart, change a mind.
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11:25 pm
“This show is very clearly identified with homosexual culture and it’s rise to fame coincided with the greater visibility of the homosexual movement.”
Stephenson, you are absolutely correct on this and I agree. Just as the level of global warming increased as the number of active pirates went down, there clearly must be a connection….
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7:04 am
Ah, so it was “The Golden Girls” who made me gay. We’ve been trying to locate the source of my fabulosity for a while now. And here it is – a completey sane, rational and scientific explanation. My mom will be relieved.
Idiot.
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6:10 pm
Mikey, if your poor, sad mother is in the Tennessee area, yes please tell her to email me and we’ll have coffee. I would love to give her counsel about your ridiculous attachment to homosexuality. Did she leave you alone in the television room for a long time alone in the 80s? It’s pretty awful when you look back on these things. Too bad you weren’t watching Magnum PI, that was a show that could put hair on a boy’s chest! The red Ferrari always seemed so gorgeous to me, the top down, the wind blowing through Tom’s lustrous full head of hair, oh it was fantastic! Anyway, I highly recommend it, it’s now in reruns.
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6:45 pm
“Too bad you weren’t watching Magnum PI, that was a show that could put hair on a boy’s chest! The red Ferrari always seemed so gorgeous to me, the top down, the wind blowing through Tom’s lustrous full head of hair, oh it was fantastic! Anyway, I highly recommend it, it’s now in reruns.”
God would you shut the fuck up? Nobody’s interested in your magnum PI shit. Oh, and for a man who claims to hate homosexuality, you seem to have an awful big boner for that Tom guy and his “lustrous full head of hair”.
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8:24 pm
hahahahahahahhahahhahahaha. worst. journalist. ever. and for that matter, worst site ever too. i mean jesus christ, the arguments i see on here are just hilariously ridiculous. i hope that somehow you thoughtless morons are just making a joke about conservatism and its horrid flaws. good god, i might as well watch fox news to hear this shit. shameful_truth, i cant wait until “homogays” are accepted as being normal, just so i can laugh at you being pissed about it. i’m not gay, but who the fuck should care about any of this? oh and if god says that gays aren’t allowed in heaven, then screw christianity. thats like saying that you cant go to heaven because someone believes in islam, which i know many christians believe. ridiculous and terribly uneducated. liberalism all the way
.
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1:36 pm
Dear Everyone,
I have come to the conclusion that this article, and indeed this entire website, is the work of a (or possible many) well-trained, crafty polemics who are making fun of fringe Christianity. I’m honestly impressed with their efforts – the author of this article hasn’t broken character, and has maintained a really impressive constant tone throughout the discussion. I’m sure if we haven’t already, we’ll see some really amazing work come from this guy (or girl) in the future.
Well-played, sir. You trolled basically the entire internet. Your article was funny and poignant, and brilliantly illustrates the disparate circumstances that Christianity has found itself in. I assume you modeled your character after the folks holding “God Hates Fags” signs outside of military funerals, but you added just a bit of your own twist to make this a true work of art.
Well done.
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10:33 am
Mr. Billings, I do not agree with what you have had to say on this subject. However, I what I want to comment on is your less than Christian attitude towards these “lost people” you are fighting against in your comments.
Christians get the wrap for being antogonistic and “God hates everyone ant wants to send people to hell.” you are not approaching these commenters with the loving attitude God would have you approach them with. The claims in your article are already considered far fetched in the eyes of most people reading this it appears, you are not going to get any of them to really think of what you have to say by calling them half wits or little freaks.
While it may be true you appear to have not written the article for the unsaved to view, they are. You have them here and instead being the bigger man and not letting their and use of profanity get to you, you have resorted to being antogonistic and name calling. You are also not sharing the news of the gospel with them. that you too are a sinner, you are not better than anyone else and God came down and died to pay off your sins. Likewise Jesus died for these commenters with their lewd descriptions and profanity. Your actions within these comments fit right in with all the other name callers, I had hoped you would rise above that.
The only comment I choose to make with your article is that I know plenty of gay and straight relationships within my personal life that lasted “a week” (though that is exaggerating it.) I also know of gay and straight relationships that have lasted decades. I believe at the very least this is one incorrect “fact” you claim within your article.
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11:37 am
Listen Missy, you’re pretty arrogant if you think you can speak for God.
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12:52 pm
Where was I speaking for God? Jesus accepted sinners that came to Him with love, Mary Magdalene was a prostitute/sinner Jesus showed love to. Should you not do the same? The Bible saysthat Scripture is without error and useful for rebuking people. I am calling you out for bring less than loving towards people as you try to reach out to them. I even posted the most loving thing God did for us so that your readers could see it.
I do apologize for calling out how you are treating people within your comments, but this is the venue. I clearly claim to be a brother in Christ and you resort to calling me “Missy”? That isn’t very Christian of you either. You clearly have no ideas of my views on homosexuality I just said I didn’t agree with the content of the article which is your
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1:17 pm
My apologies I tapped on the wrap place on the screen.
Continuing on … which is your opinion The Holden Girls created homosexuals by simply the character types on the show. This disagreement was not about your beliefs homosexuality is wrong, and clearly does not establish my own views on the subject.
Nowhere did I claim to speak for God anymore than you have. Yet I have not disrespected you by name calling, let alone name calling another Christian. Follow by God’s example brother, not by anything anyone else says, if you can prove name calling for the sake of spreading truth is justified, bring it on.
Religious beliefs and teachings aside you appear to be an mature man by your user avatar, you should act it and stop with the name calling on that basis alone.
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8:40 am
Seriously, at first I thought this article was a joke. It certainly read like a comedy sketch. It was quite funny. I forwarded it to all my friends – “You’ve gotta read this! LOL.” Anyway, the gay community has a term for people like Stephenson – ‘self-loathing, closeted, gay man’. Seriously, he knows more about gay terminology than most gays. I hope you figure it out some day Mr Billings. God only wants you to be happy. He loves you no matter what. It’s okay to be gay. But if this was a joke article, keep it up. I loved it. Too funny! Oh, and there’s no such word as “irregardless” (How many times do I have to tell people that?!)
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7:48 pm
This whole site must have been set up by atheists to raise awareness of Christian bigotry. Full points, atheists. Nobody would really behave publicly like this author has. This story obviously wants to simultaneously titillate and repulse by splashing exaggerated, grotesque versions of every sort of sexual proclivity around and pretending they are the exclusive domain of homosexuals (of course straight people do it too). Other stories on this site, such as “Japanese Game Show Chimpanzee Touches Women’s[sic] Milksacks[?!] on Live TV,” and “South Park Stan Marsh Brings Freedom To Evil Japanse[sic] as Cartman Sings Poker Face (video),” only serve to further demonstrate that this site is fully committed to exposing the xenophobia, homophobia, racism, sexism, hate, and fear of misguided Christian fundamentalists. However, as a fellow gay atheist, I have to say you’ve really gone too far. Give Christians a little credit, will you? They’re not all so mean, base, and ignorant, and none of them are so vile as to say stuff like this (although I’d believe some of them believe it).
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8:29 pm
Oh shut up.
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12:03 am
I’ll shut up. This is your network, after all. You haven’t refuted anything and your absurd assertions are indefensible. I won’t waste my time sticking around. I really feel sorry for you though. Whether you’re in the closet or just trying to find justification for your fear and hatred of gays, it’s really turned you into a hateful, bitter person. It’s profoundly sad. I hope you find some way to cope that works better than attacking people you hate/fear/misunderstand/are.
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12:07 pm
Successful troll is successful!
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12:35 pm
You know more about stereotypical “gay” activities and jargon than I do and I am even a homo. I think you need to reevaluate yourself and come out of the closet already.
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2:52 pm
…don’t forget the whole story arc where Blanche’s daughter NEEDS SPERM desperately – just like those homosexuals do (well except for the girl ones – LEBONESE – I think Blanch calls them)
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3:07 pm
The way you flaming flamboyances lust after the manly juices of America’s strong jocks is undeniably vampiric. Do you were capes and only appear at night as well?
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5:18 pm
Mr. Billings,
Thank you for your perspective. You will strengthen your writing if you also discuss lesbians and the gay men who are not “twinks.” The latter–flamboyant and effeminate gay men–represent only a small portion of the gay population. There are many other groups that you could target, including the “bears” and the “gym buffs.”
For example, you claimed that gays have not made it to the top in politics, sports, and corporate America. While I might agree that flamboyant, effeminate men have not made it as often, they are again only a small portion of the whole. Without a deep inspection, you can’t tell the orientation of most politicians, athletes, and CEOs. This is where solid research will enhance your article.
Also, consider applying this feedback to your responses to comments. In those responses, when you repeatedly fell back on the outdated idea of all gay men as twinks, you only reminded me that you’re only speaking about a small portion of gay men.
Thank you for this new perspective. I look forward to how you will address the majority of gay men.
-Kyle
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5:59 pm
Kyle, in case you haven’t noticed, I am not a DJ at your local bear club spinning Donna Summers and Diana Ross so no… I don’t take requests. I write what I need to write. I have addressed other aspects of the gay world, however, and you may find this link helpful:
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2009/09/letter-from-christwirecom.html
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6:25 am
Mr. Billings,
My comment was not a request, it was a recommendation–I simply hope to strengthen your perspective.
Your entire position hinges on an archaic stereotype. In the link you shared, for example, you continue this faux pas by generalizing gay people as alcoholics and illiterates. The latter is countered by numerous studies, such as this one: http://www.springerlink.com/content/v74u438726h16750/
Your audience recognizes this error and then dismisses you. We don’t want that!
Thank you for your polite and quick reply,
-Kyle
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7:09 am
i were capes all the time
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3:40 pm
This is the written masturbation of a writer who needed to blog about something ridiculous in order to make himself feel important and validated. This piece (newsflash: a blog doesn’t count as a printed piece of writing) is rubbish and moreover, whatever is inside the writer is pure evil.
Does anyone else think it’s suspect that he’s a “motivational children’s party entertainer”? Parents, this is someone to keep your child AWAY FROM.
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6:19 pm
You’re patently ridiculous. I don’t need to jump on the backs of the Golden Girls to get myself famous. I have my faith to comfort and direct me and I am a journalist. In fact, I’m an Investigative Journalist with all the certifications that entails. I write on many cultural and lifestyle issues, from cat ownership to Stephen Colbert to Jocks & Video Games so please get over your conceited self. I have never encountered such a zealous and pumped up crowd in my life. If I were surrounded by you people in person, I would fear for my wholesomeness.
Is Video Gaming a Threat to America’s High School Jock Culture?
http://christwire.org/2009/09/is-video-gaming
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4:21 pm
So, you forget all of the Bible’s teachings, except the ones you want.
What about not judging others? What about loving others?
Get over yourself!
Here’s some sarcasm for you: “yeah, sure, the TV execs had in mind turning american boys into fags” – sure – uh huh… YEAH RIGHT! God made every gay person that way to teach you people something about loving others no matter who, what, or how they are.
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4:29 pm
Question for you Stephenson… is that your real picture or is that a picture of Dorothy’s husband on the show, Stan Zbornak?
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5:31 pm
Whatever the Golden Girls did, Designing Women undid. The things I would’ve done to that Julia Sugarbaker!
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5:38 pm
I think I peed my pants reading this article. My boss and I have been cracking up. Thanks for the laughs!
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6:09 pm
It’s a shame there are ignorant people like you still living in this world. Your red state mentality is what set this country back eight years. A sitcom turning young men gay? Absolutely preposterous! You claim you have credentials yet you do not list them. Why is that? The show ran from 1985-1992, that’s seven seasons, not eight. The Golden Palace is a separate show. People sobering up and skipping coke and sex parties in 80s? Um, that’s what the decade was known for!
I eagerly await your article about how Showtime’s The L Word made women lesbians.
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6:40 pm
Your spiteful arrogance is unpleasant, unseemly and undeserved. Clearly, your palpable outrage means that I have struck a chord within you, that you recognize some deep and internal problems with yourself and why you chose the wantonly erotic gay lifestyle. But please remember there is hope! There are special camps, hidden away from prying eyes where well-meaning pastors and other troubled young men can lead you from your fornication temptations.
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7:13 pm
I never said I was gay, Stephenson. Someone with such “credentials” should get their facts straight, no pun intended. I’m happily married and happily a supporter of gay rights.
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6:17 pm
Stephenson Billings,
This is all a joke, right? Someone posted this article on Facebook and I had to check it out. This whole website is meant to be funny correct??? Please tell me this is all a joke!!!!! If it’s not, and you’re actually serious . . . oh my. If this is a big joke, you’re brilliant.
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6:29 pm
Thank you for calling me Brilliant but I’m also a Christian and I find nothing funny about homosexuality.
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6:39 pm
Ok. I’m pretty sure you’re joking, but I’m just confused by this whole site. I know you probably have to keep the joke going on here, but could you please email me with the real story behind this site? All of these writings are too full of hate to be real! I just want to know for sure before I start to lose faith in people. Thank you.
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6:49 pm
What am I now, a pen pal/free therapist for crazed internet surfers? I’m a journalist on deadline and I don’t have time to answer your ridiculous democrat conspiracy theories.
FYI:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091017002237AAIHSu3
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6:23 pm
I cannot actually comprehend this being anything other than an elaborate joke played on the website, particularly based on the follow up comments.
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7:32 pm
This was hilarious! As a gay man who never was a big fan of the Golden Girls (I’m not into humor based on insults or condescension), I never understood the whole phenomena anyway. But even though this article was meant as satire, there really are gay men who act like that! As Homer Simpson would say, “It’s funny because it’s true.”
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8:26 pm
After reading some of these comments, I think everybody should take a deep breath and chill out. I think history proves that radicalism on EITHER side is not a good thing.
To the gays: nasty name calling does not help your public perception, if you have a reasonable counter-argument to Mr. Billings article, then present it in a rational way. If you expect to be treated with respect, then you need to treat others with the same respect.
To the author: Sir, I find your article to be full of biases and stereotypes that are simply unfounded and encourage you to speak to some homosexuals about this show before publishing your article. I am even more shocked that you post behind the guise of being “Christian,” while replying to comments with things like “you depraved half-wit” or “Sadly, you kinds of sassy Sallys probably enjoy prison showers with tattooed Latinos.”
I would encourage you to spend less time writing unfounded stereotypes and taking hurtful stabs at homosexuals though internet articles and more time embracing Christ’s message of love, inclusion, and non-judgementalism. Instead of building people up and providing a positive model for others to follow, you waste time on this article for its controversial factor.
Jesus associated with all kinds of people the world at that time considered “unclean” (lepers, prostitutes, etc.) and preached God’s message of love… he didn’t spend time writing hateful articles intended to “stir the pot.” If you feel so passionate about this topic, I encourage you to reach out to homosexuals on an individual basis and try to “heal” them, if you believe that can be accomplished. Articles like this have accomplish nothing to expanding the kingdom of God.
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8:44 pm
Anonymouse,
Please get off your high chair and your high horse, you childish buffoon. Your degrading and conceited reponse is unworthy of my attention, to tell you the truth. Who died and crowned you princess of the world? Do you take such a self-righteous and superior tone with the people you encounter on your daily strolls through whatever bubble gum lala land you inhabit? Or maybe they don’t let you wander beyond the asylum gates? Yes, I’m telling you that you don’t live in the REAL WORLD like the rest of us. Sure peacefulness and blowing kisses is fine for your 3rd grade crayon competitions, but we’re all adults here and the adult world is harsh, difficult and full of disgusting people. Call me when you’ve woken up to reality.
Stephenson
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9:05 pm
Sorry Stephenson, as a poster to CHRISTwire.org, I thought you would be familiar with some of these bible verses – Luke 6:31, John 8:34, 1 Corinthians 13:13, and especially 1 John 4:7: “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”
Attacking me and accusing me of living in some fantasy land does not seem to coincide with the biblical message of love (nor does your article). I realize the world is not all “rainbows and sunshine,” but as witnesses of the Lord, we should strive to model the life of Christ and I don’t think your article or reply to me does either of those things. Christ too lived in this world and taught these same messages while people mocked him.
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9:25 pm
Your arrogance is astonishing.
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2:49 am
As is yours.
I would like to thank you though, your hypocrisy has made this site comedy gold.
Might i suggest you listen to the song “City of Delusion” by Muse.
Somehow it relates to people like you and your quite “old-school” ideals.
But once again, thank you, and I hope you continue with these articles that show your immaturity and hypocrisy. They do make several people’s days around here.. but please stop acting like a child.
-maturity
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9:22 pm
This is hysterical:)
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10:39 pm
Here is the image for this article that some people were too afraid to view.
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7:16 am
dear billings,
please explain to me the parallels between these two photos.
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3:15 pm
Programs like the Golden Girls are filled with liberal propaganda. This show is responsible for turning a lot of boys gay. It destroyed a lot of lives. Now is the time to start taking action and elect Sarah Palin President in 2012. That way we can begin to take down Lucifers Army.
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11:05 pm
The Bible says “Thou shalt not judge.” PLUS, I’m a straight girl who loves the show regardless. Don’t just focus on homosexuals because there are a lot of straight people who love the show. Have you watched the whole series??
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11:43 am
“Thou Shalt Not Judge” is one of the biggest cliches in the anti-Christian canon. You people overuse that comment mercilessly, having no clue what it means. Well, to be a true evangelical Christian today concerned with saving souls means that you MUST JUDGE. I know you liberals wants an “anything goes” society where we won’t judge the embezzlers, murderers, pedophiles, pornographers, drug smokers, etc. Oh, maybe we should just let these people act on their inner most desires because the Bible says not to judge! STOP IT! You’re crazy and you have no clue what the Bible means. It is my role to judge, to point out how society is failing humanity at every turn.
And I am sorry to have to tell you all this but yes, the Golden Girls failed young boys everywhere in the 1980s by making them so sassy their mothers couldn’t deal and probably turned to cigarettes and vodka in the back yard because they were so upset. Are you people happy now?
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12:20 pm
““Thou Shalt Not Judge” is one of the biggest cliches in the anti-Christian canon. You people overuse that comment mercilessly, having no clue what it means.
hmmmmm…..i guess then the Bible is a cliche´. Sir, your comment shows how DESPERATE and SAD wolves in sheep’s clothing like you have become, trying to grasp onto an ideology of judgement and hate you have created for yourselves, twisting the simple and strait-forward ideology of Christ into the ideology of Satan who has clearly fooled you.
“Well, to be a true evangelical Christian today concerned with saving souls means that you MUST JUDGE.”
We don’t need Satan’s heroes…..our job is to save ourselves. Spend your time saving your own.
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11:14 pm
Wow. The only way I got through this was by laughing at it. Do you honestly think your hate is ‘christian’? Because, I’m sorry, you’re wrong. I find extreme comfort in knowing people like you are going to hell. Heaven will be far too fabulous for you.
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11:25 pm
Hahaha, what a cute little troll you are.
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1:42 am
seriously, guys. read all of his replies to everyone. they keep getting worse and worse. i was SO angry when i read this article. and his replies were making me even more upset. i couldn’t WAIT to give him a piece of my mind. and i thought everyone who was saying it was satire was just trying to pretend he wasn’t being serious. but then, by the time i’d read about halfway down the replies, i started realizing…he’s NOT serious. oh my god, you guys. the comments about Tom Selleck, chest hair, forearms, young boys…at first it was pretty subtle…maybe too subtle. (i certainly got pretty angry. but i guess that was the point.) but i think after people kept getting really REALLY angry, he made his subtleties a little less subtle. seriously, guys. before anyone else gets any more upset, read all his comments. it’ll make you feel a LOT better.
PS – i hope he replies to this. i’d feel kinda like a celebrity. and i hope he doesn’t delete this post b/c it gives him away. oops.
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11:25 am
“I won’t insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.” — William F. Buckley
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12:23 pm
please…insult my intelligence. and be detailed about it. i’m super gay. you are, too. the Golden Girls rock. my Mom loves me. you’re not a Christian. and, ummm…you’re not a real journalist.
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1:16 pm
I see you’re desperate for a little attention like some hyper poodle that has been locked in the bathroom while his momma goes to work. I’m sorry but I don’t have time to provide personal counseling for every under-medicated sex radical who rubs up against me looking for handouts and hugs. Don’t you gays have flashy clubs and chat rooms on Man hunting.com where this sort of thing happens? I thought the gay “community” was notorious for its self-support? To tell you the truth, I have always doubted this claim. The gays I have unwittingly encountered have been very quick to attack each other, disparaging another homosexual for an outdated pair of shoes or a used-up shaved-chest boyfriend. It always has to be new and fresh with your people! No wonder you’re obsessed with Lance Bass.
In any event Simon, I can also see you’re a bit of a masochist. Are you typing your messages from some cellar dungeon in Des Moines while your beer-bellied daddy-master braids his rainbow-colored leather whips? Do you feel my insightful, beautiful words like lashings on your abundant, springy buttocks? You are really the most debauched person I have seen on this message board today. You may claim to be “super,” but that’s a word that should only be used by teen girls. But hey, like a teen girl you’re probably just as in love with Britney and the Jonas Brothers, so no surprise there. Your inept tirades might make you seem smart in your flaming peer group. But honestly, take a look around you: you’re surrounded by screeching gays whose deepest intellectual discussions have to do with Elton John’s hairpiece. Or else you’ve inserted yourself in the middle of a herd of hairy, shirtless immigrants who speak in grunts and howls while they violate unknown intimate parts in 6am basement parties. Are you really happy with this sort of life? It all sounds so painful and unrequited. Please don’t send me any photographs.
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8:12 am
What a joke- nice laugh though- love the GGs myself, and of course it made me gayer. of course the sleeping with men thing helped.
Stepehen Billings states he has credentials but is really just another of life’s loser hacks who cannot cope with being a loser hack so clings to some (cue dramatic music)big God in the sky who (of all the amazing and talented people in the world) chooses the intellectually stunted, feeble-minded, and emotionally needy to be his “chosen” and saved” – and suddenly he is not life’s loser hack any more- but he SPECIAL!!!
As soon as I hear “christian” and “religious” I think “moron”, dimwit”,”incapable” and I just want to pat them on the head with while handing them their handicap parking sticker and staying ” I saw you on the telethon – YOU DID REALLY WELL Corky!!!”
I have long felt that if the extremely religious are so convinced they are chosen for eternal life, then – alla the Romans- let’s send them there and get them out of the way! of course the tongue and cheek comment wil be seixed upon to say I am a evil, God hating homosexual but that is b/c they are are to dumb to full yunderstand humor, wit, etc. Byt what can you expect of a group whose big rock star was a person that goit mailed to a cross ! MARTYR-ME-MUCH???
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9:48 am
I can’t believe so many of you fell for this. It’s obviously satire, and hysterical satire at that.
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9:51 am
Your parody of the christianists is very entertaining. Thank you!
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10:37 am
What a hoot! I laughed out loud all alone sitting in front of my computer. I don’t care if this Stephenson Billings (a VERY gay name, by the way) is serious or tongue in cheek (upper or lower), he’s warmed the heart of this tired, old, gay fart. I love the Golden Girls, but I was gay way, way before the eighties. Keep up the good work, Billings.
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11:30 am
Asa, my heart goes out to your friends and family who have witnessed you selecting the homosexual lifestyle despite their best efforts to keep you on the straight and narrow. It is not an easy world to inhabit– the sassy catiness and expensive fashion trends– but I would suggest that if you’ve grown tired of it you will be welcomed back into the heterosexual fold with open arms (you’d have to give up all the pornography, however). With love, Stephenson.
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11:38 am
I blew a load over my Golden Girls poster while reading this, and I’m going back for a second round. God, thank you for such sweet sweet memories!
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11:51 am
Since some regular bloggers on this site seem to enjoy the male jock physique so much, I thought I would share the French footy team!
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1:46 pm
While I enjoy athletics and the men who engage in them, I find this photography outrageous.
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2:06 pm
i agree with you, Stephensonmanshipbergland. outrageous! where’s the rest of the team?
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12:46 am
Mmmm…pretty!!
I want the dark haired one with the pretty butt:)
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12:47 pm
Woof! Woof! Woof! – I’ll take ‘em all, honey!
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1:12 pm
Brilliant satire!!! I to admit it, you had me going there for a while, but it was so over the top I realized you had to be kidding! I love the little touch of adding that you work with children to your Bio and that you are unmarried… you are the new “Ed Anger!”
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2:19 pm
I seriously hope this article was satire or something like that, but in the event that it might not have been the author should be reminded that Jesus loved ALL. He may not have agreed with what ALL others did with their lives, but he still loved them and never would have treated them badly regardless of the choices they had made in their own lives. Just a little something I learned growing up Christian. We should all try to remember to love others and not throw stones unless we would like stones thrown at ourselves.
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2:20 pm
I find this article appalling. I just dont understand why you have so much hatred in you towards homosexual people. Had I been able to “choose” my sexuality I would have chosen to be straight to live a “normal” life. As hard as I fought to be a straight man, it took me until 30 years old to accept that I am not in anyway attracted to women. I played sports, joined a fraternity, only had male friends, regularly went to church, never deviated from the heterosexual life. During all of these years I was 100% miserable and deep inside knew that I couldnt live a lie like that anymore. I knew I was gay from as early as I can remember. It wasnt a choice at all. What fascinates me is what verses of the Bible that Christians choose to interpret into their daily lives and what verses they choose to ignore. A piece of literature that was written thousands of years ago that people choose to interpret in their own way. Christianity is a dying religion – perhaps if it were not for bigots such as yourself, more homosexual people would embrace the religion rather than deviate away from it because of the amount of hatred that stems from Christians who choose to interpret the Bible in a literal way. Only six or seven of the Bibles one million verses refer to same sex behavior in any way while none of the verses refer to homosexual orientation as it’s understood today. This website has completely blown my mind. I cannot believe that people like this exist in our country and IF there is a God or Jesus, its doubtful that he/they would condone such hatred. Maybe its time for you to write about something positive and uplifting.
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2:52 pm
Very interesting article, especially from a man who claims to be a investigative journalist with “credentials.” The writing is at an 8th grade level, at best, and it is obvious that no research was actually done.
You may have listed sources, but it is clear that you didn’t actually read or conduct research from any of the sources. If you did, then you obviously couldn’t comprehend them. We can see this is the broad generalizations you make, as well as how your view of homosexuals seems to be based only off of the extreme stereotypes that make it into the major media sources.
In all honesty, you’re just another snarky blogger, looking for attention and trying to push your own narrow-minded agenda.
I do agree with some of the others leaving comments that your work seems to have the same taste in satire that The Onion might use. In the end, you’re either an excellent actor who is just “trolling,” or a conservative radical.
Either way, I enjoyed the article like I would enjoy listening to a four year old rant about how mowing the lawn hurts the grass and is therefore wrong.
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3:09 pm
Quit gay bashing.
and now back to reality… c’mon now. as if any of this is factual or even worth reading. zzzzz
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3:40 pm
Is this a Christian web site? I think it’s funny that there is a banner ad at the top of the page for GayLatinoDating.com!
I rest assured that this site has no credability and does not get taken seriously.
God Bless,
Bobby
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