The 1980s Chicago Bears were once the pinnacle team of American sports. They encompassed all that America stood for and made our Christian leader President Ronald W. Reagan proud.
Mike Ditka. Ditka was a man who hated communism even more than he hated losing a game. He demanded his team always practice in 10 degree Fahrenheit weather so the pain from hits would set in better, and so they would always be ready to play the USSR national football team in Siberia should the need arise.
The glory days of the Bears reached their zenith in 1985, where they only suffered one unholy loss (the 13th game) to the dolphins. The amazing Refrigerator Perry, the amazing 46 defense and the greatest celebration taunt of all time, The Superbowl Shuffle, had fans immediately cheering in cadence against communism and for a true American team, the Bears.
The Pittsburgh Steelers and their childish, biased fans have always been jealous of the Bears legacy. They drive to Chicago and fill the city with their factory stench, oft reeking of Hershey’s Pennsylvanian chocolate and Dutch county Quaker oats. They like to pee on Bears merchandise and state their support of socialists like Barack Obama.
For these reasons it’s not very surprising to hear that some of our fans allegedly tried to poison some Steelers fans. Liberals over at Huffington Post are crying about a case where a man, named Zack Heddinger, has purportedly claimed that he was poisoned and blinded by some Chicago Bears fans at a Chicago Bar, after a game.
My personal question is what sort of fan goes into the camp of the “enemy”, sits down and takes a drink?
Sure, poisoning a drink is a bit too Roman and the proper way to express frustration with rogue wandering fans of lesser teams would be loud statements of “Your team sucks!” or “Go back to your home, dirty Quaker!” or something like that, maybe with a few punches, but poisoning is over the line this day and age.
Greatest Victory Taunt of all Time