Cats are worthless animals who serve in the army of Satan. Something in their genome makes them prime targets for demonic infestation. Through the ages, we have seen them corrupt humanity and invite evil spirits into the homes of families worldwide.
The Egyptians used to be a fine culture until they decided to adopt cats as pets. In time, the cats worked their way into the Egyptian religion and lead them to sin against God; building unnatural pyramids, refusing to let God’s people be freed from slavery and mummy burials. For these things they were punished and to this day, you see Egypt is just another primitive country of Africa.
Even here in America, we used to have a witch infestation. Several hundred years ago, a town named Salem became plagued with people who started to wear all black, stay up at late night hours and not even pray before every meal. Many of them were seen to be using unnatural devil powers.
In each and every trial, these strange people were found to have high diets of grain and be the owners of cats. This is no coincidence, as witches use grains to make their Wiccan potions and inspired by Satan to take in a worthless stray, usually a black as one would expect, into their homes. Fortunately, those infected by a lust for cat ownership and worship were cured with prayer, water and fire.
Sadly, the number of cats on Earth continue to exponentially increase. You’ve likely seen them lurking around your yard, begging you to let them into your house so they can make it corrupt.
In those situations, the best thing to do is call animal control so they can remove the creature from your yard. Setting mousetraps within a dish of milk, or baited with fish, is also a good home and garden idea to keep cats away.
One of the most innovative I’ve seen, however, is CatsForGold.com. You can apparently send them your cats, and they will give you its equivalent value in gold. If you find enough strays, this can start to add up!
Also, if your child has a pet cat this a good way to sell the beast, claim it’s lost and then make your kid forget all about it by giving them some cool, new gold to show all their friends. Hopefully the cats for gold program has much success!