Sell Worthless Cats for Gold at catsforgold.com
Cats are worthless animals who serve in the army of Satan. Something in their genome makes them prime targets for demonic infestation. Through the ages, we have seen them corrupt humanity and invite evil spirits into the homes of families worldwide.
The Egyptians used to be a fine culture until they decided to adopt cats as pets. In time, the cats worked their way into the Egyptian religion and lead them to sin against God; building unnatural pyramids, refusing to let God’s people be freed from slavery and mummy burials. For these things they were punished and to this day, you see Egypt is just another primitive country of Africa.
Even here in America, we used to have a witch infestation. Several hundred years ago, a town named Salem became plagued with people who started to wear all black, stay up at late night hours and not even pray before every meal. Many of them were seen to be using unnatural devil powers.
In each and every trial, these strange people were found to have high diets of grain and be the owners of cats. This is no coincidence, as witches use grains to make their Wiccan potions and inspired by Satan to take in a worthless stray, usually a black as one would expect, into their homes. Fortunately, those infected by a lust for cat ownership and worship were cured with prayer, water and fire.
Sadly, the number of cats on Earth continue to exponentially increase. You’ve likely seen them lurking around your yard, begging you to let them into your house so they can make it corrupt.
In those situations, the best thing to do is call animal control so they can remove the creature from your yard. Setting mousetraps within a dish of milk, or baited with fish, is also a good home and garden idea to keep cats away.
One of the most innovative I’ve seen, however, is CatsForGold.com. You can apparently send them your cats, and they will give you its equivalent value in gold. If you find enough strays, this can start to add up!
Also, if your child has a pet cat this a good way to sell the beast, claim it’s lost and then make your kid forget all about it by giving them some cool, new gold to show all their friends. Hopefully the cats for gold program has much success!
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Amber
Amber <3's you and someone else does too!
11:45 am
actually it’s the revers. You send the gold, they give you the cat.
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7:47 am
Im a Wiccan, I dont have a cat….Theyre dirty
Suck it Amber
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11:46 am
ah, just to explain..that side is a fake. a huge one too!
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11:48 am
That is so cool, provesm science can kick Christianities arse any day.
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11:57 am
I have always been terribly affeared of cats, so it’s good to know that someone is finally doing something to get rid of them. The only question is, what do these people do with the cats when they’re done with them? The proper thing to do, of course, would be to shave them, stick them in a meat grinder, and sell them to McDonald’s, but I fear that they would take the cheap way out and send the little beasts overseas to China, which is no full-proof way to rid the world of the little demons.
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12:08 pm
Shameful, what is wrong with your face?
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12:25 pm
Coin, you seem to be suffering from one of them speach repertetive disorders. You might want to get that checked out.
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12:38 pm
No.. you must be kiddin. cum on. This – is – redicoulus (Sorry for my english)
Cats are just animals that Oden created, and what is wrong about keepin them?
Amber.. Oh my God, give me your Skype contact, i have to talk to you..
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1:07 pm
Good luck with that one, dude. I’ve been barking up that tree for almost a month now, trying to get Amber to agree to a threesome with me, her and Claire. No go yet. If she does give you her contact info, please pass it onto me!
(P.S. – I hope you realize that this is a satirical site…)
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1:16 pm
read the article again
they wanna turn the natural gold resource of the world into even more cats
also cats aren’t evil
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5:42 pm
cats are so dirty, sounds like a good plan to me amber!!!
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6:35 pm
“Something in their genome makes them prime targets for demonic infestation.”
Bitch, you don’t even know the difference between a genome and a gnome.
“Several hundred years ago, a town named Salem became plagued with people who started to wear all black, stay up at late night hours and not even pray before every meal.”
You’re aware that the Salem witch trials were started by attention-hungry adolescents who had nothing better to do but hang innocent people, right?
“In each and every trial, these strange people were found to have high diets of grain and be the owners of cats.”
Source?
“You’ve likely seen them lurking around your yard, begging you to let them into your house so they can make it corrupt.”
Are you high? Cats want to come in so that they can get food and be loved. There’s nothing wrong with that.
“In those situations, the best thing to do is call animal control so they can remove the creature from your yard.”
I worked at Animal Control. The Animal Control Officers will not remove a cat from someone’s back yard unless it is sick or injured. In fact, Animal Control will not pick up ANY animal unless it is sick or injured (unless of course, it’s an animal that should not be in the city, such as a deer). Cats found wandering around outside could very likely be someone’s pet, unless of course they look emaciated or dirty. As my co-worker told me, we simply cannot go around the city and pick up every single cat roaming around in someone’s backyard, because it’s most likely someone’s pet.
“Setting mousetraps within a dish of milk, or baited with fish, is also a good home and garden idea to keep cats away.”
That’s called cruelty to animals, bitch.
“One of the most innovative I’ve seen, however, is CatsForGold.com. You can apparently send them your cats, and they will give you its equivalent value in gold. If you find enough strays, this can start to add up!”
So, basically what you’re saying is that cats are worth their weight in gold. That’s another way of saying “cats are really great creatures, they can be exchanged for gold”. Oh, and by the way, that “CatsForGold” thing is a play on the commercials for “Cash For Gold”. There is no such thing as “Cats For Gold”, dumbass.
“Also, if your child has a pet cat this a good way to sell the beast, claim it’s lost and then make your kid forget all about it by giving them some cool, new gold to show all their friends.”
Ah yes, and then your kid hates you forever when they find out what you did, and then murders you in your sleep with a chainsaw. Everyone, let’s pray that Amber’s kid turns out like that!
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6:42 pm
Feminesbian alert! Claire, go chew on some carpet or buy some new doc martens, already.
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6:47 pm
I’ll go chew on some carpet as soon as you lap up the splooge that your boyfriend deposited on your chest.
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6:59 pm
Claire, you are the perfect example of why women need to be tamed, often with a muzzle and leash, if necessary. I think a muzzle would work wonders on you.
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10:04 pm
Suck my cock, shameful.
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8:04 am
Then try to tame her, or even me since I’m a woman too. You’ll see how difficult is the taming of a woman with a brain!
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2:44 pm
“Suck my cock, shameful.”
That explains an awful lot about you, Claire…
“You’ll see how difficult is the taming of a woman with a brain!”
Thats the biggest problem with the hole feminesbian movement. It seems to have given women the idea that they have opinions, thoughts and ideas.
But I do have hope for the future that women will be put back into their proper place in society. All it takes is a locked basement (preferrably with a cage), some good, strong rope, a couple healthy backhands whenever she starts thinking that she has opinions, and no Oprah for a couple years, and any woman can be properly tamed.
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2:53 pm
this from a guy who wants a woman running his country?
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3:00 pm
Sarah Palin, unlike these feminesbians, understands her place.
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3:03 pm
if she understands her place the why is she trying to get into the whitehouse?
sure it has a kitchen but thats not where the president spend most of the time
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3:08 pm
That’s only because we haven’t HAD a female president yet. Besides, as the old adagio goes, better a White woman than a black man.
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3:13 pm
wait wait wait wait….
are you implying that palin will not only be ellected president but will be running the country from the kitchen of the white house?
also how can she posibly be suited? you have said that no woman are capabe of raionel thought. if palin is an exption then there would undoubtly be more than just her and then you’d still be wrong
either you lied when you said no woman is capable or you lied when you said palin is
both can’t posibly be true
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3:26 pm
Since when has the President ever been required to exhibit rational thought? That’s what the Cabinet is for. As the kids these days say, “duh.”
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10:40 am
Ah, shameful… it’s sad that women no longer remember (and stay in) their place, isn’t it? There’s a very good instructional video (PSA) addressing this anomaly, and providing illustrative examples of why women shouldn’t bother trying to think. You can find it here: http://s144.photobucket.com/albums/r185/bafuzznik/videos/?action=view¤t=public-womenkowyourlimits.flv
I’ve never seen such clear scientific evidence as provided by the “effect of education on men vs. women” section.
Back to my laundry and knitting…
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1:28 am
“Ah, shameful… it’s sad that women no longer remember (and stay in) their place, isn’t it?”
It’s very refreshing to see a woman on here, like Amber and Janice, who knows her place in the world – not like these Feminesbians who think they have opinions and stuff. Please do enjoy your knitting!
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12:39 pm
Never seen such a hypocrite man in my entire life. If you really think that women are objects at the orders of men, that we are not allowed to think, to have opinions, you are a total retard. Usual I’m not into offending people on internet, becaue it’s too easy being unpolite behind the screen of a computer, when there is an ocean between you an me, but this time I am really offended. And not only because you live in the dark ages, no wait a second, during medieval times women had a huge power, most of all during wars, when all the men were fighting. You live in the fucking stone age! I can’t understand if you are a total retard or just a moron that makes fun of people. Feel free to answer back to this comment, but mark my words: You’ll never tame a woman with a brain. You know what? Because she would always be smarter than you. This is not christianity. It’s a bunch of ancient hateful ideas that most of the christians gave up many many years ago.
Thank any diety I don’t live in the US. Italy may be a mess, but at least there are not people like you. People like you make me really want to turn to slavonic paganism. At least there is a sort of cosmic idea of order and equality in it!
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6:00 pm
Honey, seriously, get back to your knitting or baking, because all that’s coming out of your mouth is “blah blah blah.”
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8:49 am
You don’t even know what to say, that’s all. Moron.
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10:37 am
shamewith you going directly to the insults i’m asumeing you are unable to defend this article then?
claire posted quite a few vaild points and if you refuse to adress any of them normal debating rules declare that you have not only lost the debate you lost it by forfeit
also seeing as thats the way you normaly debate…why do you even try? you have nithing but forfeits in your lugage
insults only works if you made sure to have the high ground whille useing them
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1:32 am
You really need to stop working under the assumption that I write every single article on this website.
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9:23 pm
claire you are so funny
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6:45 pm
Oh, one more thing, Amber: not only is the “Cats For Gold” thing a spoof, but you totally misinterpreted it. According to the “instructions”, YOU mail YOUR GOLD to THEM, THEY send YOU a CAT in return. I personally think that’s a wonderful idea.
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7:29 pm
Claire, seeing you go off on Amber like that…mmmm…I know you probably think I’m just joking about that whole threesome thing but picture this:
You, me and Amber, a whole lot of chocolate sauce, some whipped cream, a couple bowls of J-E-L-L-O, some handcuffs and a rubber duck. Now tell me that hasn’t gotten you just a little turned on.
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10:01 pm
Claire, I personally think that’s a good idea too! Although I don’t have a litterbox, which is sad……
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9:56 pm
Dear Amber,
I am getting all hot and sweaty down there. In my special place. It’s because of your photo. You look like a boy I used to know. He didn’t like to wear underwear at my sleep overs.
Can you help?
Robert “Big Pants” Pattinson
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3:23 pm
Back off of my woman, Robert.
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10:06 pm
Do you really believe cats are demonic? I mean, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. And how are pyramids unnatural? Just because they didnt believe in one god, doesnt make them demonic and immoral.
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12:27 am
if pyramid are immoral and Unnatural, graveyard as well than ? since both are “tomb”
and Feminilesbians 99% of the women in the world is feminilesbians if I follow your “description” shame
and only 6 votes won,t make palin wins in 2012 well if you steal the election its will make it its will surely the Only way but if you stole the election and Palin become president watch out for civil war
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2:45 pm
Wow, this may be one of the scariest and funniest things I’ve ever seen. How better to illustrate the idiocy of those who blindly follow dogma and superstition, than see a post where not only is the complete premise of a site reversed because of a lack of attention to detail and basic reading comprehension, but also the fact that you missed the fact that is is a joke. Look at the site – it’s just a static jpg, not a functioning site. I love the fact that people like you do more to harm organized religion than you do to spread it! Keep up the good work!
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5:23 pm
how is it that you’re so sooo soooooo pathetic and deluded amber? you’re so hateful towards anything non-christian, non-caucasian, non-human, etc etc etc. The point is, you hate everyone/thing that isn’t a white christian.
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1:13 pm
Hi Everyone, the site is no longer working. I was interested in trading my gold for a cat or cats. Does anyone know where I might obtain such a transaction?
Thank you.
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