Breaking: South Americans Declare
War Against Clouds, Mother Nature
The South Americans have declared war against nature. At approximately 5:52 am, our American intelligence intercepted a secret communist propaganda broadcast being delivered by socialist dictator Hugo Chavez, to his fellow South Americans and Cuban allies.
Donned in a pea-green terror suit, Chavez is in the 3rd hour of a diatribe that is blaming — get this — South America and Cuba’s recent drought on America.
Chavez is trying to convince his people that the clouds in their sky are the work of American military scientists, who have somehow learned how to control Mother Nature itself and are carrying out a UN-sanctioned rain-embargo against their sin-soaked lands.
This is simply preposterous. Instead of realizing that they are being divinely punished for being dirty communists, Chavez is seeking to make the American military his scapegoats and now is declaring war on nature itself. We must not allow nature to be victimized. Officials at the White House were not available for immediate comment at the time of report.
Update: 6:23 am
Bespectacled pilots at the helm, group of South American fighters seen climbing through stratosphere to attack innocent group of clouds, all part of communist military campaign against mother nature.
Communist warplanes plague the sky. A compliment of primitive South American subsonic jets have been spotted on satellite, racing towards a large, standing group of cirro-stratus clouds.
The lumbering jets have reportedly unleashed several devastating volleys of machine gun fire and at least several uniballs from their onboard WW2 era cannons.
As of report Mother Nature’s clouds seem undaunted and unaffected by these unprecedented attacks.
Hugo Chavez has grown more even more angered by Mother Nature’s apparent resolve and vowed to continue to deliver his speech for many more hours.
Meanwhile, surveillance has seen increased communist distribution activity within our Venezuelan oil fields, indicating Chavez is planning to fuel up planes and tanks in a very long and unknown military campaign against nature, which is an effective attack on America and her allies itself.