Decent Americans in Massachusetts are standing up against two of the most offensive aspects of contemporary culture today: Homosexuals and the Internet. On the heels of the stunning victory of Maggie Gallagher and her delightfully-named “National Organ of Marriage” in Maine, protesters in the nearby Bay State have organized and marched on the State House demanding that Governor Deval Patrick prohibit minors from internet access because of the huge number of gays with new computers and flashy iPhones. They are also drawing attention to the curious and secretive links between the internet and the spread of illicit same-sex hookups. You can’t go online these days without getting nonstop dirty pornography in your email box or being bombarded by ads for twinkies in briefs on every website.
Tom Lang and his wife Kathy Lee of Woburn, MA held up the sign you see here, which drew sponateous applause from local bystanders. “The internet was made so homosexuals could post shirtless photos of themselves,” Lang stated, “or get late night messages from longhaired rocker boys in jockstraps. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that’s why we have so many kids going gay these days.” Just as the American Revolution was started by cries of “The British are coming! The British are coming!” could Lang’s protest be the beginning of a Christian revolution in New England? Time will tell, but much just like the Glenn Beck’s teabagging, true America is finally speaking out despite the liberal elite media machine’s control of the national airwaves.
Now, I always thought of Maine as one of thoe nasty lefty states full of Yankee tourists eating lobsters and sailing in pretty boats while the rest of the country goes down in flames. Normally, I would be digusted by this state because there is no heartland farmland there and it’s far too close to Canada for my comfort. And New England in general is probably one of the most historically anti-American parts of this country. What have those people ever done for American values? Yes, I’m looking at you Barney Frank and the Kennedys. But what they did there yesterday in defeating gay freedom, is genuinely a sign that Christian beliefs are far more important than any tired old clichés you’ll find in the “Bill of Rights.”
Sadly, Washington State on the far lefthand side of America won’t be getting a gold star on my map. They have voted to support domestic partnership benefits so the gay husbands of Seattle (like blogger Dan Savage) can get pedicures on the corporate dime. Well, for a city once renowned for the impressive virility of its sailors, it’s now overrun by glitter-encrusted twinks and leather masters prowling Capital Hill for dilettantes passed out in alleyways. And don’t even get me started on that bastion of bad weed and Busty eskimos, Evergreen College in the town of Olympia. Who could ever send their child off to a guaranteed four-year bong hit?