• Attack of the Snuggies

    December 15, 2009 4:41 pm 89 comments

    My dear White Christian American friends,

    I am writing to you today to alert you of a growing threat that I have been perceiving for many months now. This threat has been slowly, but surely, overtaking your local drug stores, your supermarkets, even your Wal Marts and Targets. It has even, so I have been told, been taking over the airwaves broadcasted onto the television sets of those who have not yet, like I myself have, thrown out their television sets.

    I am talking, of course, about Snuggies.

    Snuggies

    These dangerous and deceptive liberal…things have been slowly creeping there way into our lives, like a stray cat that wants you to adopt it. At first, sure, it seems all cute and cuddly and will be a great companion for your children, so you take it into your home, feed it, let it sleep at the foot of your bed and you think that you deserve a nice big old pat on the back for doing a deed well done. But then, WHAM! BAM! You are suddenly awaked in the middle of the night by the sounds of your children screeming as the furry fury tares there innocent little faces off with its teeth.

    Not so cute anymore, now is it?

    Ever since these dangerous…things came into the marketplace, I knew there was something wrong about them, but I could just not quite place my finger on it. I could almost literally smell Satan`s handiwork all over these mysterious…things.

    But what exactly was it that sent off my internal Satan Alarm?

    Well, there are many things potentially evil about the Snuggies. For one, they very clearly promote sin by encouraging people to wear bedding instead of clothing, which leads to immoral thoughts which in turns leads to immoral acts and also encourages sloth.

    For proof of this, I submit the following images. Please pray and have all women and children leave the room before viewing these images of questionable morality.

    The Couple Snuggie
    Two Person Snuggies

    Snuggies for Hippies
    Snuggies for Hippies

    Snuggies for those Creepy Fluffy People
    Snuggies For Those Creepy Homogays That Like to Dress Up as Fuzzy Animals and Do Immoral Acts

    But that is not all. Once the Snuggie craze began to take off, they began marketing these veil…things to individual freaks, as well.

    If you stopped praying and let the women and children back into the room, you did so too early as there is more questionable material below to be viewed. Please resume praying and have all women and children leave the room again until such time as I tell you that there will be no more images of questionable morality.

    Snuggies for Cults
    Snuggies for Cults

    Designer Snuggies
    Designer Snuggies

    The Snuggies have also been attracting extremely shady groups of people, as evidenced below.

    Snuggies for Devil-Worshipping Witches
    Snuggies for Devil-Worshipping Witches from the Evil Harry Potter Series Created by John Kevin Rowling

    Snuggies for Evil Space Soldiers
    Snuggies for Evil Space Warriors

    More Snuggies for Hippies
    More Hippy Snuggies

    Snuggies for the KKK
    Snuggies for the KKK

    Even ghosts have started being drawn into the Snuggie craze!!!
    Snuggies for Ghosts

    But my good, White Christian American friends, it was only recently that I discovered the real threat that the Snuggies pose to our society, and today I shall reveal this terrible plot to you.

    The Snuggies contain mutagenic powers!!!

    Yes, you heard me correctly. Do not believe me? Just view the highly disturbing before and after pictures below and you will see the dangerous effects that have been caused by people who have been over-exposed to the Snuggie threat.

    Before:
    Before

    After:
    After

    Before:
    Before

    After:
    After

    Before:
    Before

    After:
    After
    (This one I find particularly disturbing…)

    Before:
    Before

    After:
    After

    Before:
    Before

    After:
    After

    Before:
    Before

    After:
    After

    You may now take a break from praying and allow your women and children to return to the room.

    That last example clearly displays what will happen in the extreme case of someone who receives maximum exposure to the Snuggies` radiation.

    Who is behind this veil plot, I do not know, but I would be willing to bet that they are liberals.

    My White Christian American friends, we really must do something about this dangerous threat to our existence. I fear it is only a matter of time before the radiation contained within the Snuggies begins to make these…things self aware, and then we will have a real international crisis on our hands.

    Write to your congressmen today and demand that all Snuggies are pulled from the shelves. If any relatives give you Snuggies for Christmas, a) burn the Snuggie right away and b) report your relative to your local exorcist because they most likely have been possessed by a demonic spirit.

    God Bless America and Merry Christmas to All White Christians!

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    About The Author
    shameful_truth I look forward to laughing with the Angels, Cherubs, Jesus, and Jerry Fallwell as we look down at the Heathens, roasting in Hell, while we sit back sipping martinis, listening to St. Michael play on his harp while we debate our favorite episodes of 7th Heaven.

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