We as a human race are going through one of the most perilous periods in our 6,000-year existence. I don’t think I need to explain what happened with 9/11, the election of America’s first Muslim president (with the help of ACORN, of course), Hurricane Katrina, and the 2003 Fiesta Bowl, as good Christians would already know what happened from Fox News, the only news station God watches.
One thing I noticed is Nickelback, a Satanic pop group from Hanna, Alberta, Not United States, released albums in 2001, 2003, 2005, and 2008.
Am I suggesting that Nickelback is to blame for 9/11? No. The Greatest President Ever told us that a bunch of Muslims were responsible for that, one of which possibly included Barack Hussein Obama. However, I do want to point out that Nickelback might have had a hand in possessing the beings who made these happen.
As the pastor of South Somerville Baptist Church in Fayette County, TN, I have the opportunity to spend every Sunday with some of the area’s godliest, most conservative youth. However, one Sunday changed my life forever.
I was walking to my car when I noticed that music was blaring out of the only other car in the parking lot. I believe that all music not in the form of praise and worship songs is from Satan, so I knocked on the car door to see what’s up. A guy and a girl were shirtless and all over each other. I’m assuming that was their way of praising the Almighty Lord. Praise be to Jesus!
The guy answered, rather upset by my knocking. “What the (curse word removed) do you want?” he asked me.
“I just wanted to know what groovy song you were listening to. It sounds like an awesome song to worship to,” I responded.
“Oh, this here is ‘Rockstar’ by Nickelback,” he answered.
I had never heard of Nickelback until just then, so I asked him what they were like. He just threw the CD, 2005′s All the Right Reasons, at me, and told me to beat it.
It is important to know that the guy and the girl went back to praising the Messiah without the music.
I put on this CD in my office, and let me tell you that it is the worst excuse of a legitimate Christian band I have ever listened to. This made Stryper look like a bunch of musical geniuses.
I thought all 11 songs were just the same song, and that the band needed 3 seconds of Satanic inspiration 10 times to continue their trainwreck of an album.
Then there are the lyrics. I have a hard time believing this is a Christian band, despite two pure teenagers listening to it in my church’s parking lot.
Let me quote a line from the song “Animals”. This might shock the godly and just, possibly more than it did me. Keep the kids away.
“Your mom don’t know that you were missing/She’d be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I’ve been kissing.” Unless she’s kissing a crucifix, this is NOT a band I would want my children listening to.
While I went off on a tangent there, this does not take away much from the main point: Nickelback is the spawn of Satan. Every year Nickelback releases a CD, something bad happens. The next time these Satanic drones release an album, I would recommend fasting and praying for 40 days, much like Jesus did in the wilderness. Through fasting and prayer, Nickelback might be forced to leave this world altogether, ending up where they belong: hell.