Meet Nickelback: Satan’s Humble Servants
We as a human race are going through one of the most perilous periods in our 6,000-year existence. I don’t think I need to explain what happened with 9/11, the election of America’s first Muslim president (with the help of ACORN, of course), Hurricane Katrina, and the 2003 Fiesta Bowl, as good Christians would already know what happened from Fox News, the only news station God watches.
One thing I noticed is Nickelback, a Satanic pop group from Hanna, Alberta, Not United States, released albums in 2001, 2003, 2005, and 2008.
Am I suggesting that Nickelback is to blame for 9/11? No. The Greatest President Ever told us that a bunch of Muslims were responsible for that, one of which possibly included Barack Hussein Obama. However, I do want to point out that Nickelback might have had a hand in possessing the beings who made these happen.
As the pastor of South Somerville Baptist Church in Fayette County, TN, I have the opportunity to spend every Sunday with some of the area’s godliest, most conservative youth. However, one Sunday changed my life forever.
I was walking to my car when I noticed that music was blaring out of the only other car in the parking lot. I believe that all music not in the form of praise and worship songs is from Satan, so I knocked on the car door to see what’s up. A guy and a girl were shirtless and all over each other. I’m assuming that was their way of praising the Almighty Lord. Praise be to Jesus!
The guy answered, rather upset by my knocking. “What the (curse word removed) do you want?” he asked me.
“I just wanted to know what groovy song you were listening to. It sounds like an awesome song to worship to,” I responded.
“Oh, this here is ‘Rockstar’ by Nickelback,” he answered.
I had never heard of Nickelback until just then, so I asked him what they were like. He just threw the CD, 2005′s All the Right Reasons, at me, and told me to beat it.
It is important to know that the guy and the girl went back to praising the Messiah without the music.
I put on this CD in my office, and let me tell you that it is the worst excuse of a legitimate Christian band I have ever listened to. This made Stryper look like a bunch of musical geniuses.
I thought all 11 songs were just the same song, and that the band needed 3 seconds of Satanic inspiration 10 times to continue their trainwreck of an album.
Then there are the lyrics. I have a hard time believing this is a Christian band, despite two pure teenagers listening to it in my church’s parking lot.
Let me quote a line from the song “Animals”. This might shock the godly and just, possibly more than it did me. Keep the kids away.
“Your mom don’t know that you were missing/She’d be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I’ve been kissing.” Unless she’s kissing a crucifix, this is NOT a band I would want my children listening to.
While I went off on a tangent there, this does not take away much from the main point: Nickelback is the spawn of Satan. Every year Nickelback releases a CD, something bad happens. The next time these Satanic drones release an album, I would recommend fasting and praying for 40 days, much like Jesus did in the wilderness. Through fasting and prayer, Nickelback might be forced to leave this world altogether, ending up where they belong: hell.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Pastor Chris
My name is Pastor Chris. God has appointed me as the pastor of South Somerville Baptist Church, a small church in God-fearing, liberal-hating Fayette County, where I start fire in the hearts of my congregation, and nothing else.
2:58 pm
this is the main reason why i don’t believe in god and why i hate people like you your racist bastards who need to get a life and the bible is FICTION!!!!!!!!!!!! nothing more. plus god is suppose to be all loving not all hating i swear the “devil” is suppose to be all hating??? wtf? and Pasters are wannabee priests your nothing but a joke Pasters are crazy idiots who shout on a stage and think they have powers it’s rather funny to be honest good form of entertainment
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4:22 pm
By Tennessee did you by any chance mean to say Maine, because that is the only state I can find any evidence of a “South Somerville Baptist Church” existing in. Just curious.
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4:34 pm
George Bush was not one of the best, he was one of the worst.
The world is not 6000 years old, it is easily over one million.
Christian bands are shit by default.
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6:39 pm
wait did you seriously just claim that god an all knowing being with unlimited knowledge and wisdom…watch fox news to know whats going on in the world….yeah i just lost my last shred of respect for your god(the fictional god that is)
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7:04 pm
re:”I thought all 11 songs were just the same song, and that the band needed 3 seconds of Satanic inspiration 10 times to continue their trainwreck of an album.”
The above has to be the first sentence I’ve ever agreed with on this site. All Nickelback songs indeed do sound all alike. Good call lol.
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7:27 pm
seriously dude do not ever agree with these people….say they are right about one single thing and they think you just agreed with everything they have ever said.
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7:44 pm
I see your point. But hey, as my momma used to say, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. And these Xtian assclowns are definitely stopped clocks lol.
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8:04 pm
Barack Obama is not Muslim.
Oh, and:
“Every year Nickelback releases a CD, something bad happens”.
That’s just a golden nugget of a quote… Thousands of bands release thousands of albums every single year, and every single year, something ‘bad’ happens.
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8:36 pm
This is one fantastic aricle, Pastor Chris. I have never heard of this band before now but I must remember to look into them. I review albums sometimes let let people know whats safe to listen to – maybe this is one I can look into! And that way of praising you saw those two teens doing is very interesting indeed. I should look into this! Maybe I can get all of the boys in the youth group I’m a leader of to worship like that!
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9:05 pm
oh jesus christ this is rediculous.
they had sex. i thought people who had so much against sex would be able to realise that.
wait no. people who is as ignorant as you + obviously virgins…may actually be confused about this…..i honestly don’t know what to think
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11:08 pm
It’s stupid. Anyway, I love this band. One of mya favorite. And they will come at Montreal in April and Iwill see them!
I can’t wait !!
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10:09 pm
Nickelback sucks. Grow a pair and listen to real rock.
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12:56 pm
I have attended lectures in my church that discuss the underlying satanic beats in rock music. It hypnotises, open your spirit up to channeling demons and Sin. I suspect that NickleBack inserts satanic african shaman beats in every song. This is why every song sounds the same, and the devil has given them fame and fortune.
Praise Glorious Jesus
Revelations 52:35
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12:06 am
dude you are wound so tight, i suggest relaxing a little.
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12:05 am
WOW, ok. soo I’m pretty sure you need a lot of help and prayer. You are very wrong in some of your opinions. I have been a born again Christian almost my whole life. You are being VERY judgmental, VERY condemning, and stereotyping music and people. You consider yourself a pastor? If I was an unbeliever and read this I would of been scared off forever. Have you even read some of the comments people have left? You are doing more harm to Jesus than good. If you want to continue your role as a pastor, I suggest you do some serious prayer and reflection.
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2:01 pm
If you were born again, you’d be against Nickelback.
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4:20 pm
No that again is not accurate. Please explain to me what is wrong with it. I personally am not a fan of that band mainly because they are terrible musicians. But will you please try to explain to me what is wrong with rock music in general.
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4:23 pm
I’ve been TROLLing on the TROLLroad all the TROLL-long day
I’ve been TROLLing on the TROLLroad just to TROLL the time away…
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12:01 pm
evidently most of you don’t get sarcasm.
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6:19 am
Lol…this is a troll page!
What a bunch of easily fooled visitors. This guy is just mocking a “Christian” pastor plus other stuff, just so he can get lot’s of traffic on his pages. You fools are taking the bait pretty well.
“Fox is the only channel God watches” Uhhhh…huh! *yawn*
GOD is real! The devil is real! Get with the program people! The devil blinds people with money and fame but only for a short season…THEN you have to pay the piper.
Satan hates you, just as much as he hates me because we (humans) are made in Gods’ image. It doesn’t matter what you do to please him, he still..and always will HATE YOU, period! He even HATES the high priest and priestess that serve him and sacrifice for him. Now that’s HATE!
Don’t be stupid, satan is clever and a deceiver. He KNOWS that the only way to Heaven is to accept Jesus as your personal Saviour, so he blinds everyone with money and fame.
His best trick is to say, it’s true that the only way to Heaven is to accept Jesus…but look you’re young, you have PLENTY of time to do that.
Do it later…wow, you made another $25 million, look you’re famous, here take these designer drugs, you can do that Jesus thing tomorrow, have fun, TODAY!
Well,…dumbass…ya just overdosed on drugs, got in a car accident and/or committed suicide and guess what…tomorrow never comes!
The poor fools that worship satan think they are getting a big reward when they die and go to hell. They think they’re going to rule hell with satan and there’s gonna be a big party going on down there! HA!
In hell, the devil will LAUGH in your FACE and say that YOU ARE a FOOL! You had your chance to accept Christ while you were alive…but you chose to have money, fame, big houses fancy cars. Those material things won’t help you now!
Read the bible (Revelation), it tells what hell is like for idiots that don’t accept Jesus before they die. In a nutshell you will be tormented day and night, knashing your teeth in the stinky darkness with unspeakable horror, stench and screams from other tormented souls till judgment day! (yup, no party going on down there).
See, hell is just a sort of a “holding cell” till the Great White Throne Judgment (google it). EVERYONE that dies without accepting Jesus will have to give an account of their lives to Jesus.
Since you had your chance to accept Jesus, but (you’re tooo smart for that) you DIDN’T, your sins are with you and you will be thrown into a burning lake of fire along with satan and his demons and other fools that turned their backs on Jesus! You’ll burn forever and forever and forever!
Ever burn yourself? Nice pain? Well imagine you’re burning all over your body in a swimming pool of diesel fuel…forever and you can’t die!
Question: How many minutes in forever?
Check this out. Says in the Bible that, EVERY knee shall bow and EVERY tongue shall confess that Jesus is the King of kings and the Lord of lords…THAT ALSO INCLUDES THE DEVIL bowing his knee and confessing too!
They forget to mention THAT at the satanic meetings!
There IS one who controls the devil and what he can and cannot do and that is God almighty. You can tap Gods’ power through Jesus Christ when you pray the sinners prayer. The devil hates when someone comes to Christ and will use all his powers to prevent that from happening.
Why worship a washed up satan when you can get REAL POWER from GOD ALMIGHTY!
Psst…newsflash…you’re not getting out of life alive! Get to gripes with this…you will die one day…GUARANTEED! Hey, maybe even TODAY!
Go check out Bob Probert (45 years old) the hockey star….dropped dead on his boat while he was out with his family a few days ago, so there! Your next breath may be your LAST!
Go set your vcr/dvd date timer and fast forward in the year section mine goes up to 2099. Some where in there is a calender date with your name on it and the next day you will be no more….dead.
Check out Beyonce. She even ADMITS to being possessed by demons/satan. She can’t remember what happens when she’s on stage doing her thang! She looks all spaced out with a blank stare on her emotionless face, on that lady gaga video.
Anyways, accepting Jesus into your heart by praying the sinners prayer is FREEEEE! Doesn’t cost you a thing but 2 minutes of your life. Wonder how many fools in hell right now would give all they’re millions and billions that they had, just to get back another 2 minutes of their life?
Some will say, oh, I don’t believe in either God or satan…yeah so what?
Just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t mean it’s not real. The sky is blue whether you believe it or not, hit your thumb with a sledgehammer it will hurt…whether you believe it or not, etc, etc.
Yeah I was stupid too, I thought that in order to get to Heaven I had to do good works like volunteer at the hospitals. SO WRONG! Doing good works is just that good works but it won’t get you into heaven without Jesus! The only way to get to Heaven is to pray the sinners prayer and invite Jesus into your heart. That’s it!
Hey, do what you want, and believe what you want. One day you will know the truth and I hope it’s not too late! Ask Jesus to prove himself to you.
The King James Version of the Bible is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH! Get a chance to read it while you still can. Check out chick (dot) com. Good stuff there too.
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11:11 pm
Bitch, the bible has been edited inside and out for centuries until some King said enough was enough with editing it. The bible now is FULL. OF. LIES. And Nickleback is the shit, so shut the fuck up bitch. You know nothing about the community. It is the music people get into. Next, you’re gonna get on Lady Gaga for being a Bisexual singer singing about, none the less, SEX. Ugh, get a life people, stop bagging on other people and their decisions. Yeah, I listen to Lady Gaga, Blood on the Dancefloor(and listening to them RIGHT NOW, oh no! Hell here I come), Nickleback, and a bunch of other shit. Ha, fucking idiots. And I’m 14, so suck it, I can do whatever the fuck I want.
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1:52 am
Pastor,I am not telling you suck or something.
But you forget your nappies in the hallway.
By the way, nickelback rocks.
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3:21 am
Pastor chris you tried to explain stuff but not clearly enough for those who are already cought up and entrenched with the world and music trends.What you speak of is so deep that it can never make sense to fans who already love these bands.Not up until now I listen to. Nickleback,creed,scorpions,bon jovi, and a host of other bands including u2 and alernative music such as coldplay..but guess what the are all illuminati and they all display the hand sign of the goat head of mendez(I suggest you doubters should google for the goat head of mendez or baphomet)and truly these songs promote lust,devil whorship,disregard for christ and disobedience to instituted authorities amongst much more.The freemasons are all over the place in music/entertainment industry and the foundations of the mighty united states is freemasonic.see the one doller bill for the demonic pyramid with the eye of osiris disjointed at the top of the pyramid.pastor chris is right.my advice to you all as the bible says is advice a wiseman he he will love but advice a conceited man and he will hate you for it.guys google and learn before judging .
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6:34 pm
so i assume this means you havnt heard all the songs where they are talking about peace in the world? that one of their latest songs is infact about respecting the life god gave and another about giving back to the world? you cant make judgement on one album. also just becasue an album is released it means nothing-hey do you know each time you breath someone dies? does that make you the cause? and hey they dont have sex in that song-so it isnt an ultimate sin is it! besides how would you know whether they are married or not (not saying they are) but you dont know the background of the song-you dont like it dont listen to it.
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