Unscrupulous Marketers Turn The Holiday Gift Calendar Into A Porn Delivery Device
The great American tradition of exchanging tokens of joy to celebrate the birth of our Savoir will soon be upon us. One cherished gift that ushers in the New Year is the monthly wall calendar. Calendars are handy records of weekends past, reminders of birthdays, notices of Federal holidays and beacons of changing seasons. They’re the gift that keeps on giving, month by month, as each new page surprises and delights us with wonderful photographs or drawings– the artwork of Norman Rockwell, Monet’s water lilies, scenes from our national parks, a Boy Scout celebration!
Yet this American institution– once the epitome of wholesomeness and charity– is now being threatened. Unscrupulous marketers have pounced upon the calendar and are using it to promote the worst kinds of brazen public exhibitionism for a quick and grimy buck. Shop for a wall calendar this holiday season and you will be confronted by a plethora of bare-chested and even naked men, casting their flannel shirts or crisp uniforms aside in the name of “fundraising” for a variety of causes. From firefighters to college students, from tech geeks to Mormon missionaries, everyone is getting bare for your bulletin board in 2010. Yes, that’s right– they’ve hijacked what used to be the perfect gift for grandmothers everywhere and turned it into a soft-core porn cash cow.
Take the highly controversial “Men on a Mission” calendar which features “hunky returned Mormon missionaries who served full-time missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” It was so offensive that one Las Vegas man was excommunicated from his church for taking part in it! Upstate New York’s kinky enclave of swarmy self-righteousness, Skidmore College, has its own monthly planner– the so-called “Naked Skidmore College Students Calendar.” It was deemed so disgusting that local charities refused to accept any cash from these institutionalized immoralists. In London, they have a “Nude London Tech calendar,” composed of “24 tasteful portraits of London’s IT pioneers.” The English are pale enough, does anyone truly want to find out how blindingly white their aging geeks are? California’s “Asian Pacific Male Calendar” is filled with famous naked Asian men I’ve never heard of, posing on unwashed motorbikes and looking terribly mean. I find this unpleasant! And of course, there are the firemen. From Colorado to Florida to New York City, when America’s bravest aren’t fighting fires, apparently they’re practicing stripper poses on those firehouse poles. Their searing upper bodies pedestaled by dirty, peeled-off uniforms have become the mainstay of the charity calendar offerings. It’s rather frightening to think how these heterosexual men have been disingenuously sold off to the lusty homosexuals of America, homosexuals willing to flagellate themselves with photos of unobtainable pecs 365 days a year.
The most egregious example of moral turpitude in the time management business is the “Awl 2010 Benefit Calendar”. Concocted by blogger Abram Sauer, this particular holiday item features a young man from North Dakota named Zack. If you encountered this muffin-topped ruffian on the street or in a park, you might mistake his mischievous grin and bubbly spark for all-American heartland goodness. Yet open the broad, satiny pages of the Awl calendar and you are thrust into a dark, lascivious world of wine drinking, industrial landscapes and pornographic poses. The profits from this enterprise have been earmarked for a wide range of dubious political activity. By purchasing this calendar, you are actually funding protests against the very Christian groups that work on the frontlines to stop the insidious and alluring spread of homosexuality and sodomy in America’s quietest state.
Shockingly, legal-aged Zack not only agreed to take part in this dangerous experiment, but he also has experience protesting groups like Focus on the Family and Exodus International. And Sauer, the man lurking behind the scenes here, freely admits he’s taking advantage of youthful nudity to finance a radical political agenda. It’s a perfect storm of questionable morality but the denizens of the Awl have jumped on this calendar like cats on hamburger meat. This should come as no surprise. Awl readers are usually so exasperated by their own superfluousness, they’d celebrate author Alex Balk’s underoos if sitemaster Choire ever shined a flashlight into his closet.
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I will conclude by saying that while the monthly wall calendar seems like a benign corner of American culture, this issue should not be taken lightly. The efforts of these money-hungry calendar profiteers could ultimately hurt charitable giving in our country. If you believe being an American means getting beaten down by hard work and bad weather, if your greatest joys comes from childbirth and seeing your candidates elected to office, if you trust that this country’s noblest traditions– Christianity and democracy (in that order!)– can save the world, if you want this country to thrive as a place where sodomy is not an acceptable topic of dinner conversation, if you want to live in a land where we trust our hardened pioneers from places like Alaska more than the Ivy College elitists who would recklessly mandate free health care in the face of all common sense, if you want the freedom to own a gun and adopt an American child, if you are willing to stand up against the callous amongst us who profit from carnal human needs like the money changers in the Temple, essentially if you love the United States of America, you will not buy a wall calendar this year!
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Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
12:59 pm
Oh give me a fucking break! They’re goddamned calendars!
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3:56 pm
“The great American tradition of exchanging tokens of joy to celebrate the birth of our Savoir will soon be upon us.”
ehmmm…if it’s so american then why did it start before america was even discovered?
“as each new page surprises and delights us with wonderful photographs or drawings– the artwork of Norman Rockwell, Monet’s water lilies, scenes from our national parks, a Boy Scout celebration!”
you do realise how it doesn’t help you case of baing acused of likeing young boys(in the very gay/pedophile way) when you say that your own calandar(or at least the one that comes to your mind) is filled with young boy scouts that delight you.
“Shop for a wall calendar this holiday season and you will be confronted by a plethora of bare-chested and even naked men, casting their flannel shirts or crisp uniforms aside”
and what’s the problem that there’s a calandar for people who want that?
“It was so offensive that one Las Vegas man was excommunicated from his church for taking part in it!”
honestly that tells me more about the church than about the calandar.
“The English are pale enough, does anyone truly want to find out how blindingly white their aging geeks are?”
there we go, you’re being judgemental again. thats actually quite rude and completly uncalled for.
“California’s “Asian Pacific Male Calendar” is filled with famous naked Asian men I’ve never heard of, posing on unwashed motorbikes and looking terribly mean. I find this unpleasant!”
then fucking don’t look at it?
“From Colorado to Florida to New York City, when America’s bravest aren’t fighting fires, apparently they’re practicing stripper poses on those firehouse poles.”
yes because the calandar was a project takeing all year right?
“It’s rather frightening to think how these heterosexual men have been disingenuously sold off to the lusty homosexuals of America”
or maybe they are aiming at the female demograpich. yes i know it sounds insane that a woman would be intrested in a calaendar right(dumbass)
“Yet open the broad, satiny pages of the Awl calendar and you are thrust into a dark, lascivious world of wine drinking, industrial landscapes and pornographic poses.”
well beside maybe the pornograpich part then whats so bad about it all? oh and it’s not exactly llike he’s going nude just to go nude. he does it to raise money for his cause.
“By purchasing this calendar, you are actually funding protests against the very Christian groups that work on the frontlines to stop the insidious and alluring spread of homosexuality and sodomy in America’s quietest state.”
you do realise that quite a few people are against you right? i’d be more than happy to suport these people since they have a noble cause.
also homosexuality doesn’t spread. it’s not an illness. and what people do in theire bedroom is STILL private.
“It’s a perfect storm of questionable morality but the denizens of the Awl have jumped on this calendar like cats on hamburger meat.”
i considere you morality questionable. maybe the people suport his belifs ever considered that?
“I will conclude by saying that while the monthly wall calendar seems like a benign corner of American culture, this issue should not be taken lightly.”
calandars have shit to do with american culture. if anything it has to do with civiliced culture since they are being used around the globe you moron.
“The efforts of these money-hungry calendar profiteers could ultimately hurt charitable giving in our country.”
how? and why are they “money hungry”? they provide a product for people who are intrested so they can raise money that they need.
“If you believe being an American means getting beaten down by hard work and bad weather”
what’s this got to do with the calendar?
“if your greatest joys comes from childbirth”
or this? btw bet some women out there disagree a bit with you
“nd seeing your candidates elected to office”
ehmmm…the calendar? also i bet those who disagree with you also want THEIRE candidates ellected
“if you trust that this country’s noblest traditions– Christianity and democracy (in that order!)– can save the world”
christianity IS NOT A TRADITION IN AMERICA!!!! america is build upon the belif that if you don’t wanna be christian you shouldn’t be forced to live by christian rules. oh and i belive christianity have been activily ruining the world the last 2000 years.
“if you want this country to thrive as a place where sodomy is not an acceptable topic of dinner conversation”
yes because people who have anal-sex always talk about it at the dinnertable right? you also talk about how you fuck you wife at dinner right? aswell as all those poor boys. i mean if you fucked it you talk about it. honestly why the fuck do you care about other people sex life? is you own child molesting sex life really so boring that you have to spend time thinking about others aswell?
“if you want to live in a land where we trust our hardened pioneers from places like Alaska more than the Ivy College elitists who would recklessly mandate free health care in the face of all common sense”
you honestly think that everyone will all trust the same people…ever? also what does this have to do with calendars? seriously you went REALLY offtopic here.
“if you want the freedom to own a gun and adopt an American child”
so you don’t belive aparent putting theire kid up for adoption have the right to decide what kind of people raise theire kid? if they are against guns shouldn’t they be alowed to have theire kids raised by people who don’t have a gun. also again i fell the need to ask: calendar?
“if you are willing to stand up against the callous amongst us who profit from carnal human needs like the money changers in the Temple”
if people are willing to pay for the product then why shouldn’t they be alowed? again i fell the need to point out that just as much as you considere these calendars imoral i consider your bible just as bad if not worse.
“essentially if you love the United States of America”
dude not everyone have your values you dickhead. didn’t you call yourself humble a few days ago. and now you go on about how people who don’t agree with you don’t love america. yeah real humble shithead.
“you will not buy a wall calendar this year!”
or maybe just buy the one with cats/landscapes/boy-scouts-you-can-fap-to that you usualy buy. i really doubt that the only calendars on the market are the naked men calendars.
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7:43 pm
I just wanna to point Out 2 Things
first he didnt talks about Cheerleaders calendars or schoolgirl calendars as well oh and by the way those men really fundraising for their noble cause it’s not news
and second it’s about Alaska and the Pioneer stuff
Britts didnt send Pioneer to ALASKA alaska has been OWNED by russia and sold out to the america so yes You Bought this land
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9:56 pm
I did look at the cheerleader and female firefighter calendars (http://www.americasfemalefirefighters.com/), but frankly the people I spoke to were much less upset by the images contained therein. Mostly they were women in bathing suits or even fully dressed and the population has become rather accustomed to seeing this type of imagery. It’s something you see at the beach and not offensive in the least. On the other hand, in the male calendars there is a very clear and specific idea that these men are stripping for your pleasure, that they are taking off their normal clothes to reveal their naked bodies beneath. There is definitely the suggestion that you are seeing something illicit with these calendars. And the nude ones just go too far.
Yes, Alaska was owned by Russia but the men and women from the United States who settled there were pioneers! The French owned the entire west but once we bought it, it was Lewis and Clark who were our pioneers in that territory, as well as all the people who surpassed harsh conditions to settle there afterward. As for Alaska, it was populated by pioneers under the Homestead Act, gold seekers and adventurers. The state truly has that frontier spirit which is clearly evident in Governor Sarah Palin.
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5:31 pm
“Mostly they were women in bathing suits or even fully dressed and the population has become rather accustomed to seeing this type of imagery. It’s something you see at the beach and not offensive in the least. On the other hand, in the male calendars there is a very clear and specific idea that these men are stripping for your pleasure, that they are taking off their normal clothes to reveal their naked bodies beneath.”
Oh yes, because heterosexual men TOTALLY purchase calendars of women in swimsuits because they’re just so “accustomed” to the sight, not because they want to jack off or anything…
You seem to have no problem with the objectification of women.
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11:03 pm
That’s just awful.
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9:47 pm
You missed the point to my article completely. Please try reading it again, this time more slowly. I address each and every one of your concerns in the article itself. By querying me with “what’s wrong with that?” after each excerpt, you’re really not contributing to the discussion. And your use of curse words is far too familiar.
Christmas gift exchanging was not a popular and common thing until the 19th century. Certainly the USA has pioneered and refined the art of holiday gift giving. The rest of the world has only followed in our footsteps. And I could say the same exact thing about the gift calendar. Other countries may sell a few, but the USA is the leader of the world when it comes to its variety and proliferation of the holiday calendar.
Also, may I suggest spell check? Your comments are very difficult to read.
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2:10 am
christmas gift exchange may have only become normal then but the tradition of it dates back to when christmas was still a pagan holiday so screw you(btw i’ll curse how ever fucking much i like). oh and it was germany that started with the way we know today so boho.
prove that you are leading in the calendar department. unless you provide proff that you are leading in this i refuse to belive you. also the fact that you do it more than us still don’t make it part of your culture. as for the women part how long do you think it’ll take me finding one where the girls are naked…actually it’d take me 5 seconds considering i have one lieing in my kitchen but no matter.
also i didn’t keep asking whats wrong with that(that question only came about 2-3 times) i asked what the fuck does this have to do with calendars. you went way of topic in the last bit. it’s my way of ilustrating that you are aparently unwilling to except that anyone could posibly disagree with you and not be uterly wrong. if i’m asking whats wrong with that or whats the point of this part it’s because your post is so self indulgent that it’s hardly anything more than propaganda of the worst kind.” do as i say or we will destroy you” the only reason i’m not scared to death of you people is because i know that you have no power since the amjority of the wirld consider you lunatics hell even in your local comunties i’d asmu that there’s a majority that shake theire heads when you guys pass by.
as for the spell check thats the first legitmit complait i’d ever gotten really….but i don’t care i do this for fun and whille it may be a bit harder to read it’s still readable. also it’s not exactly like i’m the only one around here who can’t spell…though most of your guys do worse things like makeing up words or flat out ignoring the most basic gratical rules.
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5:23 pm
“Also, may I suggest spell check? Your comments are very difficult to read.”
AHEM:
“The great American tradition of exchanging tokens of joy to celebrate the birth of our Savoir”
Spot the typo and get a cookie!
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7:17 pm
“Shop for a wall calendar this holiday season and you will be confronted by a plethora of bare-chested and even naked men, casting their flannel shirts or crisp uniforms aside in the name of “fundraising” for a variety of causes.”
Oh really? I was looking for a calendar for my sister two days ago and all I saw were “Twilight”, “House”, “Harry Potter”, “South Park”, Barack Obama, and other various TV shows. And this was in a store that is known for its inappropriate subject matter.
“It’s rather frightening to think how these heterosexual men have been disingenuously sold off to the lusty homosexuals of America, homosexuals willing to flagellate themselves with photos of unobtainable pecs 365 days a year.”
And what makes you think that homosexuals are the only ones buying these calendars? I mean, I know that you spend all your waking time thinking about man-on-man action, but there IS such a thing as a straight woman.
“By purchasing this calendar, you are actually funding protests against the very Christian groups that work on the frontlines to stop the insidious and alluring spread of homosexuality and sodomy in America’s quietest state.”
And fighting against Christians who want to put a stop to homosexuality is a bad thing?
“Shockingly, legal-aged Zack not only agreed to take part in this dangerous experiment, but he also has experience protesting groups like Focus on the Family and Exodus International.”
Man the life boats!
“if you want this country to thrive as a place where sodomy is not an acceptable topic of dinner conversation”
Well I don’t know what your family is like, but my family does not discuss vaginal, anal, or oral intercourse at the dinner table.
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7:42 pm
Another reason why Billings is gay.
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8:00 pm
I’d like an Anime girls calendar!
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1:25 am
hahaha Mr Billing we surely didnt see the same type of calendars
Naked WOmen DOES exist and those men are Not naked they are Barechest and is aimed at women Demographic
oh and By the way for alaska we said settler not pionneer the Pioneer would have been russia
as for Xmas gift a calendar is somehow very cheap yet its not USA who Invented the Xmas exchange gift its existed way Long before Usa was even in the mind of your pioneer
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1:33 am
Loll calendar… and after ? the color of our bedroom’s walls ?!
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4:12 am
Not sure what you were trying to say with this blog. I agree that there’s too much promisicuous imagery out there and these calendars surely fall into that category. But there are worse problems facing society today than the calendars. But I guess you have to take one issue at a time.
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3:52 pm
It’s rather frightening to think how these heterosexual men have been disingenuously sold off to the lusty homosexuals of America,
did you ever concider that womans might buy a calender too? surely young girls these days prefs having a (i hate taking these words in my mouth) bulging muscels and hot man rather than a sunrise. (i quoto the bulging muscels from one of your ealier posts.)
also in one of your ealier articles you talked about how good it was that young men looked like that and that being skinny and muscles-less was bad.
By purchasing this calendar, you are actually funding protests against the very Christian groups
and? if the money was for funding prostest agains gays im sure it would be better. its just a other kind of religion really. not with Gods but with ideas of whats right and wrong. its just a free’er version of your kind of christianity.
honestly if all christians were like you id buy 1 for my etire famility. you are impossible to reason with. i have read thousands and thousand of people disagreeing with you and still you dont change your mind. (gotta give you credits for not giving up tho)
you will not buy a wall calendar this year!
and if i do? what right do you have to tell me what to do?! you are acting like a dictator saying that! its wrong to buy it you claim and people who buys it are wrong and stupid, but following you is more right? why is it YOUR ideas are better than the rest of the worlds? why is your relion better than any other? i respect your opinions but its very clearly that you dont respects others opinions.
id vote for freedom to buy what ever you want to buy! if i want a gaycalender (i do not) then you can count on me to go buy a gaycalender!
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10:04 am
…. If you have a problem with the calendars then don’t buy them! Problem solved
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7:24 pm
http://www.divine-interventions.com/baby.php
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7:39 pm
You are an unmuzzled lily-livered fustilarian, and I feel sorry for you.
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11:51 pm
oh i hardly think you need to fell sorry bad for him since he most likely have a far better life than you
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9:12 pm
Oh, THAT is hysterical!
Good wholesome fun!
Cheers!
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9:25 am
ooooh, some of those guys are cute! Thanks for my daily man-fix, Billings!
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1:22 pm
I have no idea as to why I am spending my time here, but here we go! I did this calendar with no nudity, no real booze, and yes out of my own free will. Before you go “casting stones” maybe you should do a little research. If you were to call Hope Church here in Grand Forks you would know that one of the pastors frequents my place of business without any animosity, I personally shook hands with him the night of the protest. You would also know that they were very appreciative of our ability to hold a protest in a respectful manner. Then there is the Matthew Shepard foundation which you are so quick to cut down. The main goal behind the foundation is to protect gays from physical harm caused by your followers. Hate crime initiatives don’t hinder your “cause” anymore than that empty wine bottle did my ability to drive. Hypocrisy can be gauged by one’s ability to judge others.
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4:20 am
It is so incredibly obvious that this site is an atheist ploy using reverse psychology to inaccurately portray Christian teachings. To those at ChristWire.org, you’re unbelievably juvenile in your actions. If the claims of atheism are legitimate and logical, you should be able to forwardly express your views without attempting to deceive people. It’s not satire. Look at comments from readers; this site is meant purely to deceive.
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12:48 pm
touchy!
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