• Unscrupulous Marketers Turn The Holiday Gift Calendar Into A Porn Delivery Device

    December 13, 2009 10:49 am 25 comments

    sinful monthly calendars

    The great American tradition of exchanging tokens of joy to celebrate the birth of our Savoir will soon be upon us. One cherished gift that ushers in the New Year is the monthly wall calendar. Calendars are handy records of weekends past, reminders of birthdays, notices of Federal holidays and beacons of changing seasons. They’re the gift that keeps on giving, month by month, as each new page surprises and delights us with wonderful photographs or drawings– the artwork of Norman Rockwell, Monet’s water lilies, scenes from our national parks, a Boy Scout celebration!

    Yet this American institution– once the epitome of wholesomeness and charity– is now being threatened. Unscrupulous marketers have pounced upon the calendar and are using it to promote the worst kinds of brazen public exhibitionism for a quick and grimy buck. Shop for a wall calendar this holiday season and you will be confronted by a plethora of bare-chested and even naked men, casting their flannel shirts or crisp uniforms aside in the name of “fundraising” for a variety of causes. From firefighters to college students, from tech geeks to Mormon missionaries, everyone is getting bare for your bulletin board in 2010. Yes, that’s right– they’ve hijacked what used to be the perfect gift for grandmothers everywhere and turned it into a soft-core porn cash cow.

    sinful monthly calendars

    Take the highly controversial “Men on a Mission” calendar which features “hunky returned Mormon missionaries who served full-time missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” It was so offensive that one Las Vegas man was excommunicated from his church for taking part in it! Upstate New York’s kinky enclave of swarmy self-righteousness, Skidmore College, has its own monthly planner– the so-called “Naked Skidmore College Students Calendar.” It was deemed so disgusting that local charities refused to accept any cash from these institutionalized immoralists. In London, they have a “Nude London Tech calendar,” composed of “24 tasteful portraits of London’s IT pioneers.” The English are pale enough, does anyone truly want to find out how blindingly white their aging geeks are? California’s “Asian Pacific Male Calendar” is filled with famous naked Asian men I’ve never heard of, posing on unwashed motorbikes and looking terribly mean. I find this unpleasant! And of course, there are the firemen. From Colorado to Florida to New York City, when America’s bravest aren’t fighting fires, apparently they’re practicing stripper poses on those firehouse poles. Their searing upper bodies pedestaled by dirty, peeled-off uniforms have become the mainstay of the charity calendar offerings. It’s rather frightening to think how these heterosexual men have been disingenuously sold off to the lusty homosexuals of America, homosexuals willing to flagellate themselves with photos of unobtainable pecs 365 days a year.

    The most egregious example of moral turpitude in the time management business is the “Awl 2010 Benefit Calendar”. Concocted by blogger Abram Sauer, this particular holiday item features a young man from North Dakota named Zack. If you encountered this muffin-topped ruffian on the street or in a park, you might mistake his mischievous grin and bubbly spark for all-American heartland goodness. Yet open the broad, satiny pages of the Awl calendar and you are thrust into a dark, lascivious world of wine drinking, industrial landscapes and pornographic poses. The profits from this enterprise have been earmarked for a wide range of dubious political activity. By purchasing this calendar, you are actually funding protests against the very Christian groups that work on the frontlines to stop the insidious and alluring spread of homosexuality and sodomy in America’s quietest state.

    sinful monthly calendars

    Shockingly, legal-aged Zack not only agreed to take part in this dangerous experiment, but he also has experience protesting groups like Focus on the Family and Exodus International. And Sauer, the man lurking behind the scenes here, freely admits he’s taking advantage of youthful nudity to finance a radical political agenda. It’s a perfect storm of questionable morality but the denizens of the Awl have jumped on this calendar like cats on hamburger meat. This should come as no surprise. Awl readers are usually so exasperated by their own superfluousness, they’d celebrate author Alex Balk’s underoos if sitemaster Choire ever shined a flashlight into his closet.

    ***

    I will conclude by saying that while the monthly wall calendar seems like a benign corner of American culture, this issue should not be taken lightly. The efforts of these money-hungry calendar profiteers could ultimately hurt charitable giving in our country. If you believe being an American means getting beaten down by hard work and bad weather, if your greatest joys comes from childbirth and seeing your candidates elected to office, if you trust that this country’s noblest traditions– Christianity and democracy (in that order!)– can save the world, if you want this country to thrive as a place where sodomy is not an acceptable topic of dinner conversation, if you want to live in a land where we trust our hardened pioneers from places like Alaska more than the Ivy College elitists who would recklessly mandate free health care in the face of all common sense, if you want the freedom to own a gun and adopt an American child, if you are willing to stand up against the callous amongst us who profit from carnal human needs like the money changers in the Temple, essentially if you love the United States of America, you will not buy a wall calendar this year!

    http://www.theawl.com/

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    About The Author
    Stephenson Billings Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !

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