My White Christian American friends,
We all know that Bill Gates is an evil, evil little man. On top of being the sinister mastermind behind Microsoft and inventor of the personal computer, a device that has increased incidents of homogay assault on children by tenfold, he is also personally responsible for almost 75 percent of the dandruff in the Western Hemisphere and Gates is also an avid supporter of Multiple Sclerosis – the disease itself, not the causes fighting it.
But, my friends, now Bill Gates has gone too far. TOO FAR, I SAY!!!
Apparently, Gates wealth, fame and power has finally gone to his head. I always said it was only a matter of time, but the lengths to which Gates has gone has shocked even myself.
As we all know, the latest Microsoft onslaught of sin, Windows 7, has just recently been released. Windows is a veil ploy of Satans to allow children access to the tubes of the internets where they can view illegal pornography, become prey to homogay predators, and grow up to be drug-addicted prostitutes dying in the gutters of Lower Manhattan hallucinating about flying pink elephants and 20-foot, fire-breathing gerbils dancing in tu-tus to music from The Nutcracker Suite, written by champion of the homogay movement, Ludwig Sebastian Tchaikovsky.
But I digest.
It became readily apparent with Gates last release, Windows Vista, that Gates was desperately trying to make his customers want to change product to his homogay competitor, Apple. I suspect he owns several stocks in Apple…
But with his most recent release, Windows 7, he has stepped over the line and I am angry. In Windows 7, their is a feature called “God Mode.“ Yes, I know. I can feel your fury from here in Tennessee.
Apparently Gates thinks that being the wealthiest man alive makes him God. Well he is wrong. SOOOO wrong! This is blasphemy of the worse degree! I fully expect Gates to be smote with lightning, locusts, famine or telemarketers any moment.
If these were the history days of America, we could gather our forces and march upon the Gates mansion and lynch him for his blasphemy, before his flapping irreverence brought down Gods Fury and Vengeance upon us all. If this was even just a few years back, we could at least have counted on the Bush administration to declare war on Gates.
But alas, the history days are past and we have a Commie in the White House, so we cannot take justice into our hands and we cannot rely on our Government to protect us from the repurcussions of Gates ignorance.
But there is one thing we can do. We can pray. Please, everyone get down on your knees before God at this very moment and pray for him to forgive us for Gates transgressions and deliver Gates speedily to a fate that will at last earn him his one-way ticket to Hell – and he will not be travelling by personal jet or luxury, air-conditioned train, either. Oh, no! While Gates life may have been one of luxury, platinum pacifiers, and gold-plated toilet seats, his afterlife shall be one of fire, pitchforks, and agony! Glory!
Glod Bless America!