Haitians Use Voodoo Dolls To Terrorize Pat Robertson & Rush Limbaugh
The popular web selling service eBay lit up this week with the listing of two new “voodoo” dolls that promise satanic pain and suffering to Christian leader The Reverend Dr. Pat Robertson and media personality Rush Limbaugh. The crude little creations, being offered by internet profiteer “johnnyvoodoo,” promise the winners complete ownership of the illustrious and empathetic souls of these two men. As expected, bidding amongst anonymous internet users is fierce.
The dolls were created as Haitians strenuously objected to some off the cuff comments made by both Rev. Robertson and Limbaugh in the aftermath of the horrific earthquake that struck their island nation and killed as many as 200,000 men, women and children. They are genuine artifacts of the Haitian culture of voodoo, a form of pagan worship that allows one to torture the soul of another through the use of dolls. The description claims that 100% of the money (expected to be in the thousands of dollars) will go to the Red Cross’s efforts in Haiti.
Pat Robertson’s Doll Description on eBay:
After an exclusive deal with devil, we are finally able to bring black magic into your very own home! The lucky winner of this auction will attain the soul of Televangelist PAT ROBERTSON in a handheld figurine comprised of the finest straw, cloth, and other organic natural materials!Ever wanted to cause Pat Robertson a massive headache? give him back pain? jab him in the crotch? Of course you have! Well then BID NOW to own your very own pysical representation of the dark, dark soul of Pat Robertson.
Accessories included with the doll are Pat’s very own “HOLY” BIBLE and BAG OF MONEY taken from real Americans! WOW! (Click here to see it for yourself.)
The controversy erupted last week on an episode of the nationally syndicated religious program, The 700 Club. In recalling the tumultuous history of Haiti, the Reverend Dr. Pat Robertson mentioned an often-repeated tale from his youth about the connection between the advent of voodooism, the birth of their nation and Satan. The good Reverend had made this comment in the midst of a heartfelt plea for aid for the Christians of Haiti. Mr. Limbaugh’s doll was made in reaction to comments he stated on his show recently. Mr. Limbaugh, the highest rated and most adored personality on radio, correctly noted that President Barack Obama was too quick to politicize the Haitian disaster in a veiled attempt to pass Obamacare and other socialist programs.
Rush Limbaugh’s Doll Description on eBay:
We’ve made another deal with the devil (He makes great deals!) and this time captured the soul of popular radio personality and convicted felon RUSH LIMBAUGH, putting it into a voodoo doll that fits right in your pocket!Ever wanted to cause Rush Limbaugh to lose his voice? Have him sprain an ankle? Come down with a rash in his bathing suit area? Of course you have!!! Well then BID NOW to own your very own physical representation of the cold, empty soul of Rush Limbaugh.
Accessories included with the doll are Rush’s very own MICROPHONE and PRESCRIPTION BOTTLE OF OXYCONTIN! WOW!!! (Click here to see it for yourself.)
In this time of tragedy, shouldn’t we open our hearts and show our love for the world? It is appalling to me that many of the left wing have tried to make political hay out of Dr. Robertson’s plea for help for Haiti. This is a global crisis and frothing at the mouth over something the beloved Reverend said is pointless and counterproductive. As the church recently stated, Robertson’s comments have been echoed by “countless scholars and religious figures over the centuries.” Any onlooker would needlessly agree that Dr. Robertson is a delightful old man, a sort of cute and cuddly grandpa that we should enjoy for the few years or months he has left on this Earth. The good Reverend is profoundly cherished by the Evangelical community for his wit and wisdom, his incredible business acumen and his willingness to speak the truth. He has shown so many preachers that television can truly profit the soul! His triumphs in the fast-paced religion industry were interpreted by Reverand Pat as the unmistakeable hand of God himself! His incredible business sense has led him to be a kingpin not only of television, but in a story book fantasy come true, in glorious Liberian gold mines as well!
On a personal note, I am an eBay Powerseller and I find throwing politics into the free marketplace of eBay disingenuous, disruptive and immoral. It is the crude, selfish seller who seeks a quick profit from the political theater. Instead, eBay is meant to be a place where people can come together as a community to share love and kindness, whether it be over coin collecting, rare antique bottles or great deals on gently used clothing. EBay is a thriving and wonderful environment for likeminded amateurs and experts, not some place to scam a few bucks to validate your radical agendas. This johnnyvoodoo is hurting not only himself, but the rest of us who seek daily refuge in the beauteous columns of eBay glory, the clickability of our deepest desires, the pumping thrill of an auction countdown, the spontaneous release of victory! Victory!
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
12:51 am
Thanks for the tip, Stevie! I’m gonna go place my bids right now! Those are AWESOME!!!
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1:22 am
“In this time of tragedy, shouldn’t we open our hearts and show our love for the world?”
Perhaps you should ask that to Robertson and Limbaugh.
“This is a global crisis and frothing at the mouth over something the beloved Reverend said is pointless and counterproductive.”
By “frothing at the mouth”, we’re in no way hindering the relief efforts in Haiti; we’re simply trying to get the point across that your “beloved” reverend has no right to link Haiti’s independence with satan, ESPECIALLY after a major disaster. What he was doing was kicking them while they were already down. Sick bastard.
“As the church recently stated, Robertson’s comments have been echoed by “countless scholars and religious figures over the centuries.””
Whoopdie fuck. That doesn’t make it acceptable to say, on national television, after a major disaster, dipshit. He should have kept his ugly mouth shut.
“Any onlooker would needlessly agree that Dr. Robertson is a delightful old man, a sort of cute and cuddly grandpa that we should enjoy for the few years or months he has left on this Earth.”
Eh, I look at him and see the devil. I see him as the Chancellor Palpatine of our time – the seemingly kind old man who befriends you and gets you to trust him, while pretending to be your ally, but who is really evil incarnate underneath his friendly mask.
“He has shown so many preachers that television can truly profit the soul!”
Hah, and the wallet!
“It is the crude, selfish seller who seeks a quick profit from the political theater.”
Hmm, so you think it’s wrong for ebay sellers to use politics to sell their products (despite the fact that the profits will go to help other people), yet you think it’s absolutely fine for evangelists to make millions of dollars by whoring out their religion on television. Yeah, I see your logic there, fatty.
“This johnnyvoodoo is hurting not only himself, but the rest of us who seek daily refuge in the beauteous columns of eBay glory, the clickability of our deepest desires, the pumping thrill of an auction countdown, the spontaneous release of victory! Victory!”
You need to take some goddamned Ritilan. That last sentence scared the hell out of me. Freak.
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5:54 pm
Dearest Claire! I spend more time on eBay than I care to admit and YES I take any people who try to disrupt and corrupt that service very seriously! It is really one of the few impressive successes of the internet. It is like one giant yard sale where you stop by and chit chat with your neighbors! And this voodoo guy, well, it’s just not right. I feel it in my gut! It’s rather dreadful when you think about it. I’m not even sure this sort of thing is legal! And it most likely violates eBay’s terms of service. You are not allowed to sell human body fluids on eBay nor soiled garments. They do this to prevent pedophiles from doing weird things there. I don’t actually know when that all started but there was a time you could buy an athlete’s jockstrap on eBay and the bidding was often strong. But now you can’t do that sort of thing. Well, in any event, I do find this whole thing terribly wrong and feel bad for all those involved. Another internet scam for you!
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8:03 pm
“It is like one giant yard sale where you stop by and chit chat with your neighbors!”
Yeah…except not.
“I feel it in my gut!”
No, that’s diarrhea.
“You are not allowed to sell human body fluids on eBay nor soiled garments.”
These voodoo dolls are neither of those, obviously. I don’t even want to know how it was you came to learn of that rule.
“I don’t actually know when that all started but there was a time you could buy an athlete’s jockstrap on eBay and the bidding was often strong.”
Judging from your article on athletes and other comments you’ve made about them, something tells me that you would buy used jockstraps and spend hours on end sniffing them.
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9:26 pm
Your joke fell flat!
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9:50 pm
I don’t recall joking.
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5:30 pm
Wow you are all retards
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2:02 am
that doll is actually pretty awesome. i know exactly where i’d like to stick pat robertson. and it’s cool the guy is giving all the money to the red cross. things down there are going to be awful for a long time.
ps. they should make the rush one a lot fatter. the pill bottle- roflmao! i love the pills inside!
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5:56 pm
So you’d be willing to sell your soul over to a satanic religion just for a few moments of revenge? That’s sad.
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11:19 pm
1) Voodoo is not Satanic.
2) Revenge is fun, for the most part. And voodoo is always fun, because if it actually works, you get to poke idiots in the eye with a needle the proportional size of a rapier.
3) I’d sell my soul to a Satanic religion (ie; SATANISM) to have total control over electricity. Thought control, (synapses in brain function w/ electrical signals) instant cell phone charger, etc., would be AWESOME! And, I’d be near invulnerable, using electricity and magnetism’s close link to make an impenetrable shield.
4) Go ahead, have a field day over #3. It’s all right.
5) Hell= boredom.
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2:14 am
The seller’s Q&A at the bottom of the eBay page is AWESOME:
Q: I find your listing offensive! A good thing Pat Robertson is a christian man and above people like you who conspire with the devil as you say…
A: The devil and I were concerned when we realized that Mr. Robertson was onto us. We had to do something before he exposes all of our deals.
–
Q: Does the doll come with any interchangeable outfits, for hours of fun playing voodoo with it? (such as a preacher’s robe)? Also, what color are the pins? Are they like hatpins, or are they skinnier? (Hatpins are much more fun).
A: The doll comes with only one outfit, but is the proper size to be dressed in Barbie clothes – dresses, skirts, etc. And there are two pins – one white and one black, both pictured.
–
Q: How was such an uncanny likeness achieved?
A: Umm… magic, of course.
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Q: Is the doll anatomically correct? Stringing him up by his balls sounds like fun to me.
A: Unfortunately the doll IS anatomically correct, which means it has no balls.
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Q: Does the doll come with it’s own pins, or is Robertson capable of creating enough of his own misery?
A: Pins are included. The doll seems to be completely unaware of any misery it has caused itself or others.
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3:22 am
Wow that’s just offensive.
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4:04 am
On a personal note, I am an eBay Powerseller and I find throwing politics “into the free marketplace of eBay disingenuous, disruptive and immoral. It is the crude, selfish seller who seeks a quick profit from the political theater. Instead, eBay is meant to be a place where people can come together as a community to share love and kindness, whether it be over coin collecting, rare antique bottles or great deals on gently used clothing”
i’m sorry but this is plain wrong. you obviously have no idea what ebay really is. it’s a place where you can sell/buy ANYTHING. for gods sake a man actually sold his life there. another guy tried to sell beligum i think(or some other country not 100% sure which) oh yeah and giveing to chairty is so selfish right? maybe you should start to shut the fuck up with you praising peace love and understanding whille you at the same time rage at anyone who is actually doing those things and praising people who kicks others whille they are down.
“Any onlooker would needlessly agree that Dr. Robertson is a delightful old man, a sort of cute and cuddly grandpa that we should enjoy for the few years or months he has left on this Earth.”
i’m sorry but as calire said: i’m somebody and i do not like this screwup. seriously he can go die a horrible death and i wouldn’t care more than maybe conclude that the world has become a better place. just because you like him doesn’t mean everyone does. neither does it mean everyone should. i’d actually like to have your source on the idea that he should be the most beloved radio host because i really have a hard time beliveing that and if it is true it should be easy to prove. just because he is the number on radio host in you little shithole of a town doesn’t mean he is actually well liked.
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6:01 pm
So you’re okay with people selling your native country there Jazzy? What about children? Don’t they do that where you’re from? I understand you’re the kiddie porn capital of the world. I just have to take a stand on this one. Of course it’s disgusting and wrong and PRIDE IS A SIN! I wish you had just a tiny bit of common sense in that muffin of yours. Are you a drinker? Sometimes I think you’re typing when inebriated. I have wine sometimes at dinner. Mostly red, white wine seems too effeminate for me. But I love wine at events and parties. California wines are the greatest in the world, by the way. Don’t let the French tell you any different!
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7:55 pm
“PRIDE IS A SIN!”
One word: hypocrite.
‘Nuff said.
“I have wine sometimes at dinner.”
What do you want? A freaking medal?
“Mostly red, white wine seems too effeminate for me. But I love wine at events and parties. California wines are the greatest in the world, by the way. Don’t let the French tell you any different!”
Hmm, I find it incredibly odd how you just accused Jazze of being a drinker, then went off on a spiel about how much you love wine.
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9:30 pm
Claure, thankfully you’re too young to know about the dangers of alcohol. In Europe, the children drink from an early age and their liberal parents applaud it. I am old enough to understand what drinking responsibly means, so don’t get all high and mighty with me. Red wine is often used by the Catholics in your state to represent the blood of Christ! Bet you didn’t know that fact! If I can put one intelligent idea in your mussy head every day, well that’s my joy! Anywho, I am excited.
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10:09 pm
“thankfully you’re too young to know about the dangers of alcohol.”
Actually I’m well aware of the dangers of alcohol, which is WHY I DON’T DRINK IT. I began learning about the dangers of alcohol and drugs since literally the first grade. And I hate to burst your bubble, but even though I’ve never touched alcohol (except for a small glass of champagne on New Years Eve with my parents), the majority of kids my age have already gotten drunk at least once in their life, and most of them drink regularly at parties. You’re living in a fantasy world if you think that 19 year olds are ignorant about alcohol.
“In Europe, the children drink from an early age and their liberal parents applaud it.”
The parents give their children a small glass of diluted wine with dinner, which accustoms them to it and makes it less of a “forbidden fruit”, thus decreasing the likelihood of them binge drinking when they get older.
“I am old enough to understand what drinking responsibly means, so don’t get all high and mighty with me.”
So am I. As soon as kids hit, say, age ten, they’ve already had it hammered into their heads for five years that alcohol is dangerous. God knows by the time you’re 19 you know that alcohol is bad.
“Red wine is often used by the Catholics in your state to represent the blood of Christ!”
I’m aware of that, dipshit. And what the fuck do you mean by “in your state”? Yeah, there’s lots of catholics in Massachusetts, but there are catholics in every fucking state. We also have baptists, batshit crazy evangelicals such as yourself, muslims, hindus, etc.
“Bet you didn’t know that fact!”
Once again, making assumptions about people you don’t know.
“If I can put one intelligent idea in your mussy head every day, well that’s my joy!”
How about you go sodomize yourself with a switchblade?
“Anywho, I am excited”
Why, is there a little boy in the room with you?
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10:14 pm
DONT GET PISSY WITH ME JUST BECAUSE SCOTT BROWN WON! TEABAG VICTORY!!!
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4:14 pm
What the hell Billings? Have I been missing something, some places children do drink alchohol, Germany, France, Britian, are definate no-no’s.
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4:08 am
how do we know the money is really going to charity?
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1:08 pm
tbh we don’t but then again there are no garanties in life. what reason do you have assume he won’t give it to charity? the only logical reason to belive that would be to belive that humans are naturaly lieing and greedy.
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6:41 am
I luv RUsh’s little microphone
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2:58 pm
lol it’s just funny
actually those are not voodoo and voodism doesn’t actually works
but since rush limbaugh said we should not send money to those “devil” haitian and pat robertson said that “haiti makes a devil pact” to get rid of french in their territory ( we call that freedom so devil is for freedom now ?? wow I will worship him anyday )
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6:10 pm
UPDATE!!! The Red Cross Has Officially Informed EBAY That It Does Not Want Any Money From The Voodoo Dolls!!! Ebay, in accordance with federal law and common decency, has removed the listings! Hooray My EBay! Thank YOU Citizens of Christwire For Helping POLICE THE INTERNET!!!
Also, the seller has relisted the dolls. The money will go to a Jimmy Carter charity now.
Pat Robertson Doll:
http://cgi.ebay.com/PAT-ROBERTSON-VOODOO-DOLL-Proceeds-Go-To-Haiti-relief_W0QQitemZ190366599535QQ
Rush Limbaugh:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190366678647
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8:02 pm
The Rush Limbaugh is still online, and the Pat Robertson is still here too.
http://cgi.ebay.com/PAT-ROBERTSON-VOODOO-DOLL-Proceeds-Go-To-Haiti-relief_W0QQitemZ190366726496QQihZ009QQcategoryZ160872QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem#ht_500wt_1182
Apparently, someone actually thought Voodooism works and thought it’d be dangerous if people were encouraged to try Voodoo on them.
But no worries. One apology, and the items are back online
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9:24 pm
BREAKING! Habitat For Humanity Has Rejected The Voodoo Money! Good Work Fellow Christian Soldiers!
The criminal is now trying to sell them to Medecins Sans Frontieres (Doctors Without Borders), a FRENCH organization known for being in league with the AMA.
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10:13 pm
A FRENCH organization, you say? MAN THE LIFE BOATS!!!
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2:15 pm
yes good wok christians we have finally managed to make sure that the poor people of haiti does not get these money. better they suffer than 2 voodoo dolls that obviously don’t work get sold. spread the love and don’t let charity reach haiti!!!!
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11:25 pm
hmm question what is AMA ? and second what does its change if it’s french or english or whatever the organization so In other word you don’t wnat people to help haitian because your “god” forbid them ?
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12:44 am
The AMA is the American Medical Association, a hugely influential lobbying group that funds the democrat party with hundreds of millions of dollars. France-based Medecins Sans Frontieres is frequently embroiled in controversy because they are unwilling to be politically neutral in the countries where they have a presence.
As one study noted,
“The United States should halt any aid which is being given to the group Medicins sans Frontieres (Doctors without Borders), on the grounds that it is going to help those who are inciting against the United States and aiding Islamists and neo Nazis to propagandize against the US and Israel with the help of the Zayed Center.”
http://www.militantislammonitor.org/article/id/388
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1:56 am
so politics before love?
seriously billings your are the one preaching how everyone should be loved equal and how you have nothing but love in your heart…but when it’s time to show it it all falls to the ground pretty hard
even i as the guy who honestly couldn’t care less about the wellbeing of anyone else would not dare talk down on ANYONE willing to help in the case of an emergency like this.
did you know that HA yearly gives enormus amounts of charity to children? should we deny them this simply because society has label them as bad people? no ofcourse not no matter why, how and when someone does good acts like this it should be welcomed. that is the true way of embracing the love for your fellow man.
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1:01 pm
“DONT GET PISSY WITH ME JUST BECAUSE SCOTT BROWN WON! TEABAG VICTORY!!!”
I’ll bet you like teabagging, don’t you, Billings?
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5:06 pm
ORLY
you are all fags
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5:24 pm
You are all mentally disabled, let the people do what they want. Your little perfect life as a white person that has never felt real pain is useless to the world. Let these people do what they want if it makes them happy. If you go to Africa or Haiti and try to convert, you will end up with an AK-47 bullet in your head.
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10:23 pm
PLEASE CALM DOWN YOUR CHILDISH ANTICS I AM NOT YOUR MENTAL THERAPISAT.
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11:57 pm
“PLEASE CALM DOWN YOUR CHILDISH ANTICS I AM NOT YOUR MENTAL THERAPISAT.”
Once again, telling someone else to calm down when your manner of typing proves that YOU are anything but calm. Oh, and what’s a “therapisat”? Is that some new medication or something?
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2:34 am
childish? how? because he realise the world isn’t as perfect nor will it ever be as perfect as you claim?
because he don’t agree?
he never asked for you or anyone else to help him deal with the world but simply asked you to acsept that this is how the world is. and he did so in a complatly calm and rational manner.
once again an argument you can’t deal with showed up and your course of action simply became to derail that argument entirly. problem is: we are too smart to miss it(or you are too stupid to do it subtly enough?) simply starting to yell “SHUT UP” in the middle of an argument doesn’t prove anything mister billings. now try to actually reply to him or you will once again have been proven wrong based entirly on the fact that you refuse to disgus your points entirly.
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6:54 pm
Man I just asked what AMA is not what do you think of it and medecins sans frontiere is worldwide and seriously they help more than you christian people who just cry
now you are happy than Brown is elected ?? so USA will be back to stonage age and everyone outside of USA will hate you don’t blame me if there is a civil wars at your down or even a WWIII in your Home country
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4:29 am
Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll has been relisted on eBay. Ironically, eBay took it down because it could not be verified that Pat Robertson’s soul actually exists. Here’s the new eBay link. It’s over $670 again!
http://cgi.ebay.com/PAT-ROBERTSON-VOODOO-DOLL-Proceeds-Go-To-Haiti-relief_W0QQitemZ190366726496
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1:48 am
This satanic practice of voudoo TRUELY mocks the Christian values of our forfathers. The sad part is that the suffering of voudoo sinners has just begun. Nest comes the Hell-fyre,,,
PRAISE HIM
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8:12 pm
May the spirits of the lost take you away from a computer. Curse your name, I hope you perish of colon cancer.
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