• How Do I Go About Making Friends With Black People?

    February 9, 2010 11:43 am 34 comments
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  • Send your advice questions to Amber at askamber@christwire.org

    Dear Amber,

    I am a 20-year-old college student from Naples, Florida.  All my life, my parents provided for me and gave me a upbringing that was moderately luxurious by many standards.  I am grateful and appreciative for what they have given me.

    One thing I was deprived of, however,  is diversity in my upbringing.  Growing up, the private schools I attended had very few black people.  Long story short, my circle of friends were mostly white and even now at U of F, it’s more of the same.  I’d like to expand my circle and my experiences.

    I’ve thought about joining the school’s BSU (Black Student Union) but worry that I will not be taken seriously or may offend someone by joining.   I guess I’m writing to ask if you have any suggestions on how I can get over my apprehensiveness or how to make friends well with black people?

    – Ready for Change in Florida

    Dear Ready for Change in Florida,

    There is only one thing you can do; be yourself. Realize this, and you’ll find friends of varying backgrounds, beliefs, worldview and even race. Friendship and getting to know people should not be determined by black and white skin, but rather by character, respect and interest in one another.

    Instead of worrying about fitting in with black people, in your case, instead simply go to a BSU meeting and be yourself. I trust you’ll find friends. Beware that from your potentially sheltered upbringing, and going to a private school, that some may offer you drugs or to go to their parties.

    While it is good to not prejudge, use wisdom. Never go anywhere alone with a young guy you may meet at a BSU meeting, even if it’s “just” a basketball game or “just” a chicken shack, because he may be looking to take advantage of you and do mean things to your body.


    Dear Amber,
    With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, and later this year my wife and I are celebrating our tenth!! wedding anniversary, I thought I should do something very special.

    The thing is that this year has been tough financially and we have three little ones. We love each other dearly, but that passionate, romantic spark we had when we were first married seems to be fading and that worries me. I thought doing something really exciting this year would help rekindle that flame, but I’m not sure if I have the means or times to set things up. Help and your insight very much appreciated!?

    – Concerned, Loving Husband/Daddy Up North

    Dear Concerned,
    Congratulations on ten years of marriage and having a beautiful family of three children. To have such in life is the greatest blessing.

    Your wife knows your financial situation. She knows the strain three young kids put on your life as well as you do. Don’t feel like you have to make grandiose plans, rather, be in reality and do what your means allow.

    Leading up to Valentines, do random things; meet for lunch, make an elegant, romantic dinner at home, dressed in casual evening wear. Eat by candlelight and reflect on the best parts of the last ten years.

    On Valentines, get a babysitter and stay a night at a nice, but not too expensive, hotel. It’s the getting away from it all, even if just a different room for a night, that can bring a breath of fresh air.

    Most importantly, don’t think you need Valentines day to do these things. Do random, romantic things THROUGH THE YEAR. Do not fall into habit so easily; you’ll be surprised what little things and fun changes can bring into your long, blessed marriage.


    Dear Amber,
    Last week my wife walked into our son’s room and caught him looking at pornography on his computer. When she told me this, I felt as if I had been socked in the stomach.

    What made it even worse though is that it was gay pornography. I am not even comfortable addressing this to my son yet and he knows that I know. I just can’t find the words to say and my wife is also frustrated as she wants me to handle this. Any suggestions?

    – Dad in Georgia

    Dear Dad in Georgia,

    The Bible makes it very clear that your son will sear in hell, for all time, if he choose to live a gay lifestyle. The Bible also makes it clear that it is your duty, as the father, to raise your child in the way he should go.

    Your son’s choice to explore gay pornography is a trap 4% of teenage young men fall into annually. They do this either due to to past psychological trauma or pressure from other gays, perhaps a bully at school or swayed by the rampant homosexual agenda in modern media.

    Whatever the case, as a father you have to take the initiative. You must set your son down and let him know he is sick in the mind and spirit. God did not create his body to lust for other men; his body is created to be a vessel of life and creation, a testament unto his Creator.

    In marriage, he is supposed to enjoy creation, just as you did with your wife. He will give rise to offspring, as nature intended.

    Deviation from that path is not normal or rational. Let him know this, and if needed, enroll him in sessions with a Christian counselor. If he does not respond to verbal therapy, consult a psychologist as well as depression may be present and he may need strong prescription medications.

    Do this quickly, as his brain will continually create new synapses that deceive him into thinking gay relationships are somehow what his body desires. The alternative, again, is your son gets a disease, dies and burns in hell and it is your fault. How would God and your wife judge you for that?


    Hey Amber!

    Spring is just around the corner and I’m worried about my shape! Any suggestions on how to knock off the holiday pounds before shedding the winter garbs and coats?

    – Tubby in the UK

    Dear Tubby,
    Getting off those holiday pounds is a annual tradition for many (of us 😉 ).

    To lose weight at any point, barring any medical condition, you should try a natural approach.

    Drink plenty of water. Try to do at least 30 minutes of cardio exercise a day. Target muscle groups in areas you may have let become soft over the winter. Keep eating, just do it reasonably.

    With getting your heart rate up to a target zone per day, along with balanced eating habits and water, you will find your body will go down to its natural size over time. By summer, you will be ready to dawn your one piece at the pool.


    If you would like to ask Amber a question or for a word of life-enriching advice, simply email AskAmber@christwire.org.

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