Gay Animals That Need Killing
Sadly the onus of duty falls upon man, when he must wipe an animal line off the face of the Earth. Sometimes it’s due to demons, sometimes perhaps chemicals in the water or psychological elements. Whatever the case, sometimes animals require death be applied to them and they must be wiped off the face of the Earth for their own good. They are not right or natural, and therefore have no place on Earth.
A reporter for a local site has looked into this issue and now we see what we must sadly have the government wipe out should they not change soon:
1. Black Swans
20% of all pairings are homosexual couples, with a quarter of all black swan families parented by homosexual couples that remain together for years. Male couples occasionally use the services of a female by mating with her, but chase her away once she has laid her eggs, hatching the eggs themselves. Other times, they simply drive heterosexual couples away from their nests and adopt their eggs. So basically they’re Michele Buchanan’s nightmare swanified. All your heterosexual eggs are belong to us.
2. Gray Whales
Homosexual interaction are quite common with gray whales. Gray whales are also down with the orgies, where as many as five males roll around, splashing water and rubbing their bellies against one another so their genitals touch. Hot.
3. Humboldt Penguins
And tango makes 3. Homosexual Humboldt penguins have been shacking up at zoos, raising stupid debates that remind people that yes, zoos still exist. When presented with abandoned eggs, homosexual penguin couples will raise the offspring together.
4. Guianan-Cock-of-the-Rock
40% of male Guianan-Cock-of-the-Rocks engage in some form of homosexuality sexual activity, and a small percentage don’t ever copulate with females. They are known lovers of Elton John songs, except that awful Kiki Dee duet.
5. Bonobo Chimpanzees
Bonobo Chimpanzees, considered the closest living relative to humans, are nearly all bisexual. They copulate frequently (and are quite vocal in coitus), using it as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution, and post-conflict reconciliation. They often engage in homosexual activities, two thirds of which are amongst females, who dominate Bonobo society. Males, however, enjoy engaging in various forms of male-male genital behavior including hanging from a tree limb face-to-face while “penis fencing”, and a special form of frot called “rump rubbing” that occurs to express reconciliation between two males after a conflict, when they stand back-to-back and rub their scrotal sacs together. (I saw something disturbingly similar between two twenty-something dudes at the last hockey game I was at.)
6. Japanese Macaques
Known as the snow monkey, female Macaques not only tend to dominate Macaque society, but also form intense bonds with one another and are serially monogamous; they only have one sexual partner at a time, but they will have several relationships during each breeding season. Males also engage in homosexual behaviour, but tend to leave their partner immediately after, basically engaging in snow monkey one night stands.
7. American Bison
Homosexual mounting between males tends to be more common than heterosexual female-male copulation among American bison, especially because females only mate with the bulls about once a year, leaving many of them with a momentous case of blue balls. During mating season, males engage in same-sex activities several times a day, with more than half of all mounting in young males occurring with the same gender.
8. Walrus
Until Male walruses reach sexual maturity at age four, they are most likely exclusively involved in same sex relationships. Older males are typically bisexual, spending breeding season mating with females, but copulating with other males for the rest of the year.
9. Bottlenose Dolphins
Flipper has two daddies! Homosexual activity occurs with about the same frequency as heterosexual play. Males are typically bisexual, but also go through periods of exclusive homosexuality. Homosexual activities include oral sex, wherein one dolphin stimulates the genitals of another with its snout. Males also rub their erect penises against the body of their partner.
10. Giraffes
Male courtships are frequent and include necking before mounting (seriously, foreplay is important, people), which can last for over an hour. One in every 20 male giraffes will be found necking with another male at any instant, with homosexual activity said to be more common than heterosexual activity.
11. Kob Antelope
Kob Angtelope, on the other hand, produce more female/female mounting, with females mounting other females a couple times an hour during the mating season. Females get each other in mood by sauntering up behind one another and raising one of their forelegs, touching the female between her legs. This foreplay generally has a high success rate and ultimately leads to mounting.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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11:39 pm
Truly sad and I am surprised they don’t have the pink dolphins on here. They definitely need some killing.
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6:02 pm
Adam Nelson I full heartedly agree!
Now we just have to stop them from having premarital sex… =/
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3:42 pm
You’re an animal, so you should kill yourself as well because the majority of the animal of man have premarital sex and some in the animal race are homosexual as well. Also, marriage only exists for the human animal so I suppose we should just nuke the whole planet, because I’m sure Christ would want us to because it’s not like he said we are supposed to love our brothers.
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2:29 pm
Pink Dolphins are the leading caws of a-quatic homosin.
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11:43 pm
The only things that “need killing” are assholes like you, Abe and Adam. I’d gladly assume the responsibility myself…if you both could reply with your home addresses, that would be much appreciated.
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9:34 am
You do know that is not very Christian of you and God is going to ask you about this comment on judgment day?
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10:17 am
“You do know that is not very Christian of you and God is going to ask you about this comment on judgment day?”
Well I’m not Christian, so I can say whatever the fuck I please.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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11:15 pm
But murdering animals for no reason is Christian? You sick fucks.
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2:53 pm
Says the pot to the kettle…
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5:56 pm
You know God created all creatures for a reason and exterminating them,I pretty sure, wasn’t one of them. For all real Christians let this be a lesson that just because someone says they are Christian and they believe in God’s Word, Doesn’t mean they really are God’s children. Being a Christian myself the beliefs on this site make me sick that they use the Lord’s name.
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3:37 pm
Seriously the majority of animals on your list are protected in the endangered species acts, and when did Christ ever teach his followers to kill in his name?
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4:48 am
“live every day as if its your last” i think everyone could learn from this quote except claire whos seems to already understand the concept also your god made these animals this way why do you want to change what he made
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11:20 pm
So much anger Claire (is that a family name?). You should probably consider directing that animal urge towards cowardly creatures that offend God and his only son/himself Jesus the Lord.
Plus, Bart Simpson is super-gay!
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11:43 pm
Well we can always eat the meat but none of these guys look all that tasty.
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3:48 am
Heh, are you sure the meat won’t be too salty for you, Stevie?
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2:51 pm
still tinking it’s okay that YOU defy god i see..
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10:07 pm
there is no god…
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12:50 am
They clearly are natural, folks. They’re animals. They’re not capable of sin because they don’t have the ability to make human moral choices.
Animals are sinless. Man is capable of sin because we ate of the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil. Animals that engage in homosexual behaviour are not engaging in sin.
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11:13 am
actually animals can make moral decisions. wake up and look into it. there are loads of studies done on apes and chimps that show they have every emotion we have.
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6:59 am
You need a dictionary moron. There is no correlation between morality and emotion. I imagine you have blue fur and googly eyes because you sound like a muppet.
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2:23 am
Thats prove that homosexuality is Not a SIN
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3:08 am
Abe I hope one day that one of these animals rips your face off, that is if you ever leave your
bran covered trailer.
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9:07 am
Tell me, Abe. Do you even know how the behavioral patterns function in these organisms? Believe it or not, not all animals behave and function as humans do. Homosexuality applies to the HUMAN (Homo sapiens sapiens) race. As far as we know, less complex organisms are not able to comprehend the properties of homosexuality. Besides, most of these behavioral patterns are ways of communication, especially to attract members of the opposite sex. In the end, despite the fact that homosexuality is abnormal, there is nothing wrong with it, as God cares for EVERYONE and people in America are given certain rights (certain states do not support it, though). Be ethical, it is what God probably wants…
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9:07 am
Yes, it’s widely known that the black jungle savages mated with the bonobos and created sick monkey human hybrids, bringing about the origin of the african american. while we’re in our killing groove, lets get some of those jungle animal-people too.
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9:14 am
Holy one, you know very little of the human genome, don’t you?
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11:43 am
Fucking bullshit american science, i bet you’re one of them nigger-monkeys too. that’s why your brain doesnt work. niggers arent even really human
Hot debate. What do you think?
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11:51 am
Your language is very offensive “god lover” and I have reported you to the Holymailbox. Your words are not very Christian.
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3:51 pm
Yours too, because it’s all bullshit.
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3:52 pm
It’s just SO funny haha! Maybe my cat is gay?! :O OH MY GOSH! But… I don’t care
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9:03 pm
The hard working people in the bottlenose dolphin porn industry would be very hurt by your article. They are hard working men and women who have families to feed and they rely on these flirtatious beasts to generate their income. Please have some thought for them!
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7:27 am
very well, score one for the holy one, i went to a local pond where several black swans lived, and exterminated a few.
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8:19 am
“Holy one”, what is your problem against people, objects, and other organisms that have darker skin pigmentation? I bet you were at the racist riots in L.A. Were you the one who got arrested? Get a life, please.
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5:08 pm
We ate a gay pig for Easter – it was delicous. It tried to fuck the dog before we exterminated. We let the kids have the dick.
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12:15 pm
yep, nothing’s more unnatural then nature. Get a life Abe.
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2:56 pm
So? That only means that homosexuality is perfectly normal in nature. Maybe you should ask why is it so. Maybe it means that your “God” is not homophobic as you are. Maybe the only one who need to be killed it’s you.
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11:57 pm
Really? Seriously? YOU are the only gay thing I see! You are a disgrace. This site is a disgrace. I’m a Christian and you truly embarrass me, as does this site! No wonder Christians have such a bad name and non-believers hate us so much! It’s because of the wackos like you!!!!! I am so angry right now I’m shaking! Animals don’t even know what being homo-sexual or straight is! You are such a moron! There’s a reason God made humans the most intelligent creatures! Only we have the smarts to make choices and know what sexuality even is!!! Personally I’d love to see someone kill you and not them but since I’m a REAL Christian I won’t wish that upon you. I just know your judgement day is coming. I’ll leave the killing to God! Hopefully he’ll strike you down. At least that’s what Id do but then again that’s why I’m not God! Just know that you are ridiculous, this article is ridiculous and ad an animal lover i’d love to kick your ass!!!!
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9:16 am
well, all of this can be summed up and solved in one easy simple sentence. god is not real, therefore none of this matters.
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4:57 pm
… Why do you care, Abe? How does this effect your daily life at all that animals want companionship?
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6:46 pm
Now you religious retards are saying we need to start killing homosexual animals?
Wow…if there were such a thing as “God” he’d smite the shit out of you all for what you’re turning his religion into. It’s not some biggoting, we’re better than thou, we run this fucking country, religion. It’s supposed to be about peace and all around love, but you guys with your christians, catholics, muslims, etc all decided to fuck that up and start wars over who’s god is better or due to forcing veiws on one another.
It is you, good sirs and madams, that I hope burn and rot in hell if there is one so you will finally see the many many many MANY errors of your ways. While we, the people and animals that you’re so called “God” created as homosexuals,bi-sexuals, and so on will live on and just laugh like we have been doing.
In case you haven’t noticed, all your credibility has been slowly going out the window and this is just the icing to the cake. =)
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9:17 pm
Gay animals have an issue with their brain, where somehow they are choosing to do unnatural things. It is better to go ahead and put the creature down than let it live in such agony.
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9:56 am
Adam, you’re the only one brain-damaged here.
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10:04 pm
Too many copmmlients too little space, thanks!
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8:44 pm
you sound gay…
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12:08 am
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i have never laughed so hard in my life. its the christians job to kill gay animals… what a bunch of fucking hypocrites. Then again, i can see why they would want to extinguish the proof the homosexuality is natural and born in a person/animal. Because none of those animals decide to be gay, they are what god created them to be. seriously, this website is backwards and ignorant. but at least, you are giving intelligent people everywhere a nice, gut wrenching laugh.
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1:21 am
Oh no, so animals decide they like their own gender, too? Who cares? It’s bad enough people think they know what’s best for their fellow humans, but who are you, Abe, to say that gay animals are wrong and unnatural? If they were unnatural, they wouldn’t exist. Oh, and the last point that removes all credibility from your article: you copied it verbatim from BuzzFeed, which is a comedy website. You lose any and all seriousness when you’re trying to make a point about homosexuality when the article you copied and pasted is full of sex jokes.
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6:49 pm
wow. This website is why religion is critisized and considered crazy.
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7:00 pm
A
alligator, American
Amazon, blue-fronted
Amazon, Hispaniolan
anaconda, green
angelfish, French
angelfish, gray
angelfish, queen
ankole
anteater, giant
antelope, addax
antelope, bongo
antelope, roan
antelope, sable
antelope, sitatunga
avocet, American
axolotl
B
baboon, Guinea
baboon, yellow
baiji
balloonfish
barracuda, great
barracudas
bat, common vampire
bat, short-tailed fruit
bats
bear, cinnamon
bear, polar
bears
blesbok
boa, Brazilian rainbow
boa constrictor
boto
buffalo, African cape
bullfrog, North American
butterfly, monarch
C
caimans
camel, dromedary
capybara
cat, domestic
etc etc etc
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11:25 am
Why arent dogs on that list, male dogs like to hump eachother a lot. Why? Maybe its because we like our domesticated animals too much… jeez. If we are going to make a list, make one that has dogs in it, there are lots of dogs in the world.
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5:02 am
Is this serious? if it is, then there is certainly someone that needs to be exterminated, and it is the writing of the article. Senseless killing of animals in nature because you have anything that deviates from yourself? sickening. Absolutely sickening.
If anything, those animals are proof that homosexuality happens in nature, and that the bible is wrong. You can’t just kill everything that disproves you. That doesn’t make you right. If you seriously were to just go around killing everything with homosexual tendencies so that they could not be found in nature, then you SERIOUSLY have issues. Like BAD issues. See a doctor, or commit suicide, as you pose a danger to those around you. ALL of those around you, straight or gay.
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3:47 pm
umm… this article is satire. That means it’s making fun of people who think being gay is a sin.
jsyk
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2:26 pm
I’m tired of all these gay-bison spreadin thar message of “tolerance.”
And fer too lawng we have let the homo-elk rule our minds with the notion that all animals are equill.
Whell, I got news fer you queeraffes, the Lord is watching your sinfulness! Gawd din’t give you them long throats so you can go puttin peenuses in ‘em!
All ya’ll animuls whill be judged! Praise the Merciful Lord!
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9:36 pm
Following the logic of this article, we should kill amphibians as well, right? Can’t amphibians change their gender to suit their environment? Still following the logic of this article, god himself has promoted homosexuality in creating these so-called mutants, right? Now he should be killed as well. For he has sinned. Or is god infallible? If so, then that means it isn’t our place to judge who can be killed and who can’t. Who can be punished for their sins and who can’t. Which is it?
Anyways, I am really curious to see what would happen to our already fragile eco-system if we decided to wipe out these species.
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12:02 pm
By calling for the extermination of a species aren’t you in fact, playing god? I thought “you people” referred to that as a sin? wait, isn’t that what this whole site is about? Passing judgment on others? oh shit, isn’t that a sin too? This makes me hope there’s a hell.
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6:28 am
I have a few things to say.
1. Christianity seems to be the whole reason some people hate gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. What the hell? People are born that way. And the ones that are not, they were born with the personality that caused them to chose to be that way. So why are you people so hateful? It’s completely absurd. Some people are born with both male and female body parts. And guess what? Whichever God/Goddess/Buddha/Whatever is up there, CREATED them that way. GET OVER IT.
2. Animals are NOT here for us to randomly kill for stupid reasons such as this. They are happy being gay. Leave them be.
3. The only threat to society is idiots like the supports of this article who keep reproducing because birth control is not an option for them.
4. The Bible was written by all men. All homophobic, black skinned hating men who believe that everything different is wrong. Jesus never actually wrote the Bible. He would have hated it.
5. Jesus was a Jew. Not white. And he had a prostitute. And was a human who practiced magic.
6. Speaking of magic, you stole Christmas and Easter from the Pagans. You shouldn’t take what isn’t yours. Tsk tsk.
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4:15 am
I take it you contacted the BBC/Discovery and obtained the necessary rights before you used stills from Life in this article? (such as the Japanese Macaques)
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7:20 pm
I can’t figure out if this site is for real!! It’s driving me a little nuts!
Somebody tell me… is this a parody / joke site?
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11:07 pm
Hmm….maybe we should just wipe off every living organism on the face of the earth…including humans! Fact is, humans engage in same-sex…sex!
Also, every animal breed has had some form of gay sex. Did you know that most bacteria are asexual or don’t have any male/female distinguishable parts?! So, we might as well just bomb the whole planet with atomic weapons! that would definitely solve all our homophobic christian ideals!
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1:18 am
I have a few things to say.
1. Christianity seems to be the whole reason some people hate gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. What the hell? People are born that way. And the ones that are not, they were born with the personality that caused them to chose to be that way. So why are you people so hateful? It’s completely absurd. Some people are born with both male and female body parts. And guess what? Whichever God/Goddess/Buddha/Whatever is up there, CREATED them that way. GET OVER IT.
2. Animals are NOT here for us to randomly kill for stupid reasons such as this. They are happy being gay. Leave them be.
3. The only threat to society is idiots like the supports of this article who keep reproducing because birth control is not an option for them.
4. The Bible was written by all men. All homophobic, black skinned hating men who believe that everything different is wrong. Jesus never actually wrote the Bible. He would have hated it.
5. Jesus was a Jew. Not white. And he had a prostitute. And was a human who practiced magic.
6. Speaking of magic, you stole Christmas and Easter from the Pagans. You shouldn’t take what isn’t yours. Tsk tsk.
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1:48 am
this is ridiculous, you are talking about killing an animal, not to eat, but because they are gay….I’ve come to a conclusion; ALL CHRISTIANS ARE FUCKING RETARDED
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3:44 pm
Adam I think you might be gay or have issues, you should talk to your minister.
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3:44 pm
Abe even.
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3:55 pm
I think you need some help understanding what it means to actually be Christian. Here are some choice bible verses you should pay particular attention to.
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why to you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:1-5).
Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law (Rom. 13:8-10).
Hopefully one day you will realize that you are not fulfilling your duties as a Christian and stop spreading evil messages of hate.
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10:12 am
You’re using the verses out of context, and if you carefully read your Bible, you’ll know your place, as a woman, is not trying to educate someone about the meaning of our Heavenly Father’s words. His words.
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10:21 am
Shut up, you sexist fuckwad.
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10:42 am
Using versuses out of context? You mean like Christians do?
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4:20 am
It appears you doth protest too much, Adam Nelson. When I click on your name, it takes me to a same-sex dating service.
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12:11 am
Hmmm… I hope you realize that if we were to eradicate everything on this planet that had homosexual tendencies, there would be hardly any life left, if any at all? Yeah, sounds like a genius plan to me. -thumps up-
I really hope this is just a website of trolls, cause I honestly cannot fathom the existence of such people.
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7:21 pm
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL FUCKING CRAZY. If you get rid of ANY ONE of these species, then the entire world will end. One species is eaten by another, so by getting rid of one you get rid of them all. If you think these things are “unnatural” then check again. It’s in NATURE, sweetie. You’ll end up killing off the whole human race with it. So get your facts straight, and stop fucking complaining. “Being straight is unnatural and all straight people and animals need to be killed off.” Doesn’t sound so natural when it’s turned against all of you, does it? Fuck. Off.
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2:31 am
I find it interesting and disturbing that you write simply Hot. after describing the whale orgies. This Christwire website seems more like a homo erotic
blog to find scientific excuses for sex abuse in the church.
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11:46 pm
There are homosexual dogs that will lick peanut butter off penises.
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2:12 am
With a name like Guianan-Cock-of-the-Rocks no wonder 40% of males engage in some form of homosexuality sexual activity!
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5:24 am
Here’s some more info on the homogays: Of all the articles posted on this site in the past 12 months, 142% mention homogays. This is more proof that Hussein Obama was born in Kenya.
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