Notorious Betty White Hates Your Grandmother
Grandmother. That gentle word evokes images of Hallmark cards at Christmastime, hearty hugs and the scent of potpourri. Maybe that word also represents your anchor of family faith, reminding us that Jesus Christ is vital in our days and nights no matter how bitter a life we have lived nor how weak one’s mind has become. Yet one X-rated comedienne has dedicated her career to destroying that beautiful image. She wants nothing more than to make Grandmothers everywhere icons of radical lifestyles and cultural “hipness”. The woman in question is aging actress Betty White and she is using our televisions to pump the American family full of uncensored propaganda and celebrity-style “ethics.”
You may think of the naïve and clumsy 88-year-old Mrs. White and say to yourself that the title of this article is unnecessarily provocative. That was not my intention, for Mrs. White genuinely poses a danger to the American institution of grandmotherhood that is so important to the Christian community. Ultimately, the agenda that this woman promotes threatens everything that our American Grandmothers like Barbara Bush represent. No longer is Nana nurturing our souls with chicken soup and Clark’s bars. Grams has given up on Junior’s schooling and Bible study. No, this woman beckons our Grandmothers to hang out with grimy celebrities and San Francisco radicals, to donate our savings to animal causes, to use the media to criticize modern decency. White does this by manipulating our instinctive respect for the elderly. With a soft voice, she encourages us to sample the fruit of the tree, to leap from the bridge, to embrace a host of suspicious lifestyle choices. Behind the kind eyes of Betty White verily lives a serpent. (“The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” –Genesis 3:12).
What makes the image that White promotes so disturbing is that it’s unassuming. She seems harmless enough on a late-night show. You may even chuckle at her simplistic comedy. But before you know it, you’ve been drawn through the looking glass into Betty’s world of illicit humor and cheesecake choices. She has a reputation for mocking and ripping apart everything in her path. This comes from her insatiable craving for power. At the 2009 Golden Globes, she disparaged beautiful actress Sandra Bullock on live television, calling her “plain looking,” drawing embarrassed gasps from the audience. Lately, she has set her sights on the nationally broadcast show “Saturday Night Live.” It gives unprecedented access to the entire country, a full hour of uncensored and live television where she can promote her agenda without limits. When Betty commanded the people of the internet to force NBC executives to give her control of the show, it was only a matter of days before 500,000 people signed on to her Facebook group. TV executives caved in to her lust, not quite knowing what to expect from this power-mad matron. The FCC censors will surely be busy the night of May 8th. One can only hope that it will not be a repeat of her offensive roles on cartoons such as “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy.”
The hidden recesses of Betty White’s world can be even more troubling when put under the fresh light of sanity. Her actions off the screen bring up questions about the safety of those around her. On the liberally-biased program “Boston Legal,” White played a gun-toting criminal next to heavyset Jewish-Canadian actor William Shatnet. Life imitated art this past January when Mrs. White secretly called in death threats to fellow Golden Girls actress Rue McClanahan. At stake were the hundreds of thousands of dollars in residual profits that the last surviving character will reap from the show. Continuing along her odd fascination with guns, Mrs. White is also a member of a celebrity militia group, with all the access to soldiers and weapons that that association suggests. Her infamy has even earned her a nickname in the black “hip hop” community which honored her with the title, “The Notorious B.M.W” (her middle name is Marion and she loves German sportscars).
Despite the widespread recognition that White does not represent the wholesomeness of America, that she promotes the fetishization of cat ownership and promiscuity, she has persevered and even thrived financially. Who is responsible for this? It should come as no surprise that the Homosexuals of America are to blame. As I have explored in the investigative article, “The Golden Girls: How One TV Show Turned A Generation Of American Boys Into Homosexuals”, many men in the 1980s became gay because of Betty White’s on-screen antics. Today’s gays now feel that they owe Betty White and are lavishly repaying the debt (see examples here and here and here).
Sadly, the problem of Betty’s White’s homosexual army goes much deeper. These are men who are unnaturally devoted to everything and anything Betty White (see “If Betty White sold Depends, I’d buy ‘em”). They snap up her products at a fever pace, watch her programs religiously, write blogs and Facebook about her. They need her in their lives. The reason why the homosexual needs White as much as she needs their gay dollars is rooted in their own failings. Surely she is a surrogate grandmother, one who doesn’t reject their sassy ways and 1950s furniture, their outspoken liberalism and their frequent “houseguests” with their thick chest hairs luxuriously bursting from the tops of their ragged tanktops. These are a dangerous people, obsessed with libidinously sampling ethnic diversity and cunningly networking themselves into the highest echelons of American society, bent on dominating their heterosexual masters, whom they scheme to bend over office desks and against factory walls as they push and push for more special rights from those who do everything in their power to resist that painfully sweat-drenched invasion of America’s most precious principles. Yes, Americans need to demand that this foul-mouthed, promiscuous senior citizen Betty White retire right now. But watch out, she has a gun.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Betty-White-to-Host-SNL-please/266442514828
- Sinful
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Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
5:57 am
wow another pointless post keep up the good ol bullshit up you post billings
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6:09 am
why would you attack betty white? she’s awesome and people of all ages love her. used to watch her show with my grandma and we used to laugh pretty hard. i think she show you can still be fun and active no matter how old you are. ppl have this image of grandparents as conservative and angry. it’s not true. most are a lot of fun.
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11:12 am
Betty White is not “awesome” in my book, thank you very much. There are so many wonderful things she could have done with her life but instead she chose this path of raunchy comedy and embracing the homosexuals out there. I don’t find anything to admire in that.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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11:31 am
Chrisitianity is becoming OBSOLETE in this country because of jerks like you. what about all the pedohilia in the church, the child abuse? you people have no interesting in talking about the REAL ISSUES! but instead talk plenty about everything else, you’re always finding some scapegoat, someone to blame for your own failure, well the people of this country are FED UP with your stupidity.
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11:38 am
Easy up a little, this is a comedy site. Don’t take it so seriously, unless… you are in on it too and are having a bit of fun playing the part of the pissed off anti-christian… Sh!t this is all too meta for me, just sit back and enjoy! Ima letcha finish…
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9:34 pm
Stinko, no one wants to hear your crap theories.
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9:20 pm
You took the words right out of my mouth. These people are the reason why I love live in the northeast. Studies have found that there are more people with a high IQ than anywhere else in the country
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4:30 pm
You win for this comment.
Pedophilia in the church, people dying because they can’t get simple human care or compassion, women guilted into carrying unwanted babies then being abandoned once the child is born by the church groups that begged them not to abort, church leaders giving thumbs up to wars slaughtering hundreds of innocent lives and shooting abortion doctors – where’s your outrage at this? Oh wait I know, let’s RAGE at Betty White instead.
Yeah, and you wonder why people are turning away from Christian values?
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4:44 pm
Enelar, that’s a pretty rough thing to say, don’t you think?
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2:50 pm
Wow, you’re a real psycho, aren’t you? You need some serious help, you thoughtless bigot. How very Christian of you, to judge others when it says in the bible only god is meant to judge the lives of others. Are you now god? As far as I’m concerned, YOU are the sinner and blasphemer, making what you want out of the bible to support your own insane ideas. What a sad moron you are sir.
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1:25 pm
thanks steve for reminding me of the greatness that is betty white! i am so buying this book!
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10:17 am
Did she also act in Charlie’s Angels?
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10:33 am
adam what goes through your head sometimes may i ask?
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11:21 am
Hi Adam, I don’t believe Mrs. White was on Charlie’s Angels but she has been on numerous other shows including Password and Mama’s Family. She was not as outspoken in that era, nothing like Bea Arthur who was a hardcore liberal from Archie Bunker days. It took her time, but under Bea’s tutelage she developed a clear liberal bias and affection for “social” causes.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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11:36 am
I hear she had a lesbian affair with that Bea woman.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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12:21 pm
So I heard that this was the best place to find right winged, hate mongering, close minded, cunt faced nobs. Guess I was right.
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11:43 am
free will is overrated right? yeah all bow down to god mindlessly so he can violate us however he wants that’ll make you fell good.
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11:34 am
Christians only believe in free will when it’s a question of how many twenties you should put in the collection plate.
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3:39 pm
“That gentle word evokes images of Hallmark cards at Christmastime, hearty hugs and the scent of potpourri.”
Hmm, as much as I loved my grandmother, whenever I hear her name, I think of years ago, hearing her screaming at my big sister, then 8, that she was going to hell for reading “Goosebumps” books. I think of having to cut our Georgia vacations short because she would start talking in tongues and wouldn’t stop trying to force religion on my sister and me.
“No, this woman beckons our Grandmothers to hang out with grimy celebrities and San Francisco radicals, to donate our savings to animal causes”
Yes, because improving the lives of sweet, innocent little animals is just sooooooooo horrible…
“see examples here and here and here”
That is not proper citation. Try again.
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11:18 am
“Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” –I Corinthians 14:34-35.
Claire, I know you have your beliefs but your youth truly blinds you from reason and faith. I am sorry to hear that you do not get along with your Grams but maybe as you get older you’ll come around.
Grandmothers can be precious resources we should not waste!!!
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12:15 pm
You really think that posting a passage from a 2,000 year old misogynistic shit-rag is going to get me to shut up? You might as well post a passage from The Cat in the Fucking Hat.
“Claire, I know you have your beliefs but your youth truly blinds you from reason and faith.”
Just ask my father how he felt seeing his 8-year-old daughter in tears because his mother was screaming at her that she was going to hell because of a harmless “spooky” book series. My dad loves his mother, but what she did was unacceptable, and he let her know that when he followed her upstairs and screamed back at her.
“I am sorry to hear that you do not get along with your Grams but maybe as you get older you’ll come around.”
Sure, I’ll just fly down to Georgia, dig up her body and have a chat with it. Would that make you happy?
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12:33 pm
Claire, I am only trying to help with your problems. Why must you push me away like that?
“God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.”
–Psalm 46
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2:26 pm
“Claire, I am only trying to help with your problems.”
Problems? Hmm, I don’t recall having any problems. Please tell me what my problems are.
“Why must you push me away like that?”
Hmm, let’s see…
-you’re creepy
-you’re intolerant
-you’re homophobic
-you’re incredibly sexist
-you’re racist
-you’re a pedophile
-you hit on 18 year old girls
-you’re a conservative
Shall I continue?
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12:32 pm
“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” – unknown
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2:57 pm
I think any woman could run circles around you, physically and intellectually. Hey, when you die alone, just remember, your insane ideals are responsible. Women are just as capable as men and you are an arrogant loser to think YOU are better than anyone. It is obvious to me you are an overzealous, worthless sputum, judging others because you feel superior to everyone else (with VERY little reason I might add).
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8:06 pm
Really? There are so many lies and falsehoods in that article–not to mention poor grammar and punctuation issues. Goes to show–any idiot can put their lies on the internet. I am still trying to figure out if this site is for real or some weird, crazy joke…anyone???
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11:04 am
I am a bit dismayed by your generalized disrespect and lack of specifics. Where exactly did I offend or mistake? I doubt you have as tight a grasp on the English language as you claim. Please save your insults and unfounded hatred for your own “journalism”.
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8:35 am
No words. … No words to describe the stupidity. … Should have sent a poet…
So just because a woman is in her 80s, she must be a demure, jolly little Christian. You ass. Love how you managed to condemn cat owners as well, because we all know that cat owners are… um… Okay, I have no idea where you were going with the “fetishization of cat ownership” thing. Also loved that you found it necessary to refer to William Shatner as “Jewish-Canadian actor William Shatner.”
If this is a joke, it’s a poorly conceived one. If it’s for real, you are a sincerely horrible human being.
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11:07 am
I have a lot of respect for the elderly. It has become a institution in the United States and rightly so! They deserve our love and attention. What I fear with the White woman is that she is tearing this down and setting a horrendous example for old people out there who don’t have the money or the mobility to hang out with the Hollywood elect and make filthy jokes. Sadly children may see her and think this type of lifestyle is acceptable, particularly the homosexuality.
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3:32 am
If you seriously think that people are going to have less respect for their grandmothers because Betty White actually has a personality, you have very little faith in mankind. Maybe if you stopped using up all of your faith for that imaginary being in the sky, or that ill-begotten Bible of yours, maybe you could use some of it for the real (not imaginary!) people in the world. I do not speak to my grandmother because she is a horrible person, and you cannot sit there and tell me it’s because of Betty White. Enjoy your delusions, and have a nice day!
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8:39 am
Wow – thanks for the warning about Betty White.
With all that’s wrong with the world, she was pretty low on my list
of concerns. I shall now move her the top of the list.
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9:00 am
May you burn in this Hell place you believe in. Good thing I don’t!
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9:03 am
Wow. That was th dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and I work on the service industry. Your stupid could be considered an assult on my brain.
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9:12 am
This article folds my brain in half. Can’t tell if it’s parody, homage, sincere, actual bonkers, liberal, conservative, atheist, Jesus-y, nonsensically hateful toward an obscure celebrity… My bet is actual bonkers Jesus-y conservative and nonsensically hateful toward an obscure celebrity. Go team!!!
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9:16 am
Okay wait I change my answer, after looking around this site I think it has to be an awesome parody of Christ-y hate-panic. See the article “I Am Extremely Terrified of Chinese People”.
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9:50 am
christwire.org
Conservative values for an unsaved world
WOW! This is my first time visiting your site however, I am appalled. It is no one’s job but God’s to judge. I agree with freedom of speech, etc. Our country is wonderful and what a blessing that we each can share our own opinions. I am proud to be an American but I got to say, this seems rather biased and full of judgment.
I believe the whole “Conservative values for an unsaved World” is a really neat idea however, I also believe the way you are handling things is making conservatives look bad. Maybe you should consider remembering that we aren’t to judge others and that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. I certainly feel NO love from this article.
Please know that everything you post is being read and that you do alter others opinions of what being conservative is…again, very appalling. It is almost as if you are saying that liberals can’t be Christian. Just saying?? You really need to think hard about what you type and how it affects the world.
Judge not lest ye be judged. Have a beautiful day
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9:55 am
you are fucking insane. seriously. get HELP!
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9:56 am
This site is exactly why conservatives in America are misunderstood. My! My! Very sad for us conservatives
I am however unlike the terminator…I WON’T BE BACK ROFL 
Have a blessed day!
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11:13 am
This site is why some people have values and some do not.
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6:47 pm
Stephenson,
I find it particularly amazing you will not answer any of the valid questions on here that obviously trump your minuscule outward view on this
You’re doing a bang up job avoiding confrontation on your topic but not specifically when someone calls you out on your stance with God.
You’re a sad man. Your opinion is just like an asshole Stephenson, you see- we all have one. But some, mainly yours, are just full of way too much shit. Now pardon me for resorting to swearing here, but your lack of respect for anyone but yourself clearly shows you most likely wont listen without it.
Quoting misogynistic blather to your commentators is not exactly helping your cause either. Im sorry, I said “cause”. You don’t have a cause, or anything to stand on here. Just words coming out of a right wing pussy virgin tight lip.
Betty White is an entertainer, so you fail to be entertained? Don’t watch Betty White, and stop being so self righteous. My grandmother is a fine sweet woman, who taught me the conscious decisions of right and wrong. She taught me that good will toward others, perpetuates more good will. She taught me how to be healthy, and do well for myself. And Stephenson, my grandmother is an atheist. I believe I poked a cannon sized hole in your tender view of what a “grandmother is supposed to be” You would do well to realize it should not take the guidance of God to be good to your fellow man.
I’d like to feel sorry for you Stephenson, but you’re honestly just a waste of flesh. And only worth the little time it took to write this comment.
Kindly, please take your bible and cram it up your opinion.
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6:55 pm
It saddens me to see a young person today so entrenched in foul language and rebellion. I am here to help people like you, I really am. But you must open your heart just a crack and let my words add some light to your day! I try to answer as many questions as humanly possible because I hear the desperate yearning of your souls, but some of you children are just filthy. Your comment is a perfect case in point. What will your mother think when she reads this? I hope she watches your internet activity closely. As for Betty White, well she is a repeat offender in the Christian community. Many times she has been called out for promoting and spreading the homosexual lifestyle. I’m sorry if you think being gay is “cool” and “hip” because it’s not. It’s a painful and difficult lifestyle and I want to help you young men today avoid it.
I know you’re curious, so here’s a great background piece on the Betty White effect:
http://christwire.org/2009/10/the-golden-girls-how-one-tv-show-turned-a-generation-of-american-boys-into-homosexuals/
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9:58 pm
Your reply is laughable. Im sorry your mind is so closed.
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3:25 pm
You’re the kind of man they catch luring (or as you call it “helping”) women to your home and brutally torturing and raping them before you kill them and burying them in a ditch. Simply said, YOU ARE A SICKO. It even condones rape in your precious bible that you seem to follow to a T.
(Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT)
“If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.”
In fact, the bible condone a whole lot of horrible things like: standard and sexual slavery, sexism-
(“When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl’s owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment.”)Exodus 21:7-11 NLT
Genocide, racism-
“This is what the Lord Almighty says … ‘Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’ ” Samuel 15:5
So, you’re either a very loud mouthed, ignorant hypocrite; or(more likely), you are a psychopath that supports rape, slavery, racism, sexism and not only normal murder, but mass murder as well.
I think it is needless to say you have no right to be “helping” ANYONE. You deserve to be locked up in a psyche ward, never to be released from your straight jacket.
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10:05 am
This has to be parody. I don’t doubt that there are a few fringe conservatives who don’t like the idea of Betty White breaking absurd and confining stereotypes of what it means to be a grandmother, but surely even they would find this over the top.
So, thanks for the laugh (which was, I confess, preceded by puzzlement as I tried to figure out if you were serious).
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11:01 am
Another Vatican 2 operative I see… Well I know you folks don’t actually study the Bible anymore so you may forgotten the truth:
“Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” –I Timothy 2:11-14
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12:21 pm
So…you posted a passage from the magical book of fairy tales that demeans women…you don’t actually expect us to listen to it, do you?
What’s that? You do? Well, you’re even stupider than I thought.
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3:29 pm
Oh, I finally get it! Your parents were brother and sister weren’t they? That would explain your mental disturbances in their entirety! Just know, they have counseling for survivors of incestuous relationships, you poor poor soul.
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10:14 am
Well, the ONE good thing I got out of this article is that now I know when to watch Betty on SNL. Thanks Steve!!
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10:30 am
You. Must. Be. Kidding.
I mean – you cannot be serious….
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10:35 am
“the American institution of grandmotherhood”, Sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but other countries have grandmothers too.
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10:38 am
Ahh, but nothing as terminally ludicrous as this risible portrayal.
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10:35 am
Someone’s fantasy has come up against reality and, as usual, reality continues on unfazed.
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10:47 am
Poe’s Law strikes again:
http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe%27s_Law
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11:02 am
OMG!! This is now my official favorite site! It is such an obvious anti-christian satirical send-up of the B.S. hate/fear non-sense that fundies spew, that I am amazed by how many people think this is a “real” site!! I mean come on, really?!?!?1? That is what makes this so delicious: the people who are not seeing it for what is really is! ROFL! This is fantastic! Please keep it up, both the people producing this, and the tards who buy into it and post here! Thanks for the hours of endless enjoyment!
P.S. Yes I am going to post this in every thread I can find!
P.P.S FARK FTW!
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11:11 am
Oh don’t we sound superior there. Thanks for trying to take me down with your crafty lies. Sorry kiddo, ain’t gonna happen. I see you posted this same comment elsewhere on our site. How terribly original. Just like children today to plagirize themselves out of incredible laziness. I think you need a better moral compass in your life, some experience outside of the liberal education system and a woman to make you honest. You seem to be brimming with disdain and sanctimoniousness.
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11:17 am
This is great! It’s like I get to be in an SNL sketch except it IS funny! Brilliant! Thanks again for making my day that much more wonderful and full of joy! Sanctimonious no but maybe Sacrilicious!
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11:20 am
You really love the sound of your own typing, don’t you?
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12:29 pm
Good times… Good times…
See! Just like an SNL bit! All we need now is Alec Baldwin and his “Schwety Balls” ROFL!
Ooo is that who you are Steve? Alec Baldwin? Nah Baldwin is busy doing quality television so thats not it. I’m still thinking you might be David Cross, this is just the kind of thing he would get into. Keep up the good work Dav..I mean Steve!
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9:36 pm
stinko you totally dont know how to play the game. idiot.
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12:32 pm
‘judge not, lest ye be judged’ and lets not forget ‘treat people the way you’d want to be treated’ or even ‘those without sin cast the first stone’…
if you call yourself a true christian, then why don’t you get out and do some good in the world instead of hating. today’s christians are a scary breed, they focus on hate instead of love.
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4:03 pm
I don’t hate Betty White, I hate the hate that she shows for the Christian and American lifestyle.
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12:44 pm
Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
talk about the neverending comedic asshattery of teh Christiofascist right.You people are frigging pathetic,hypocritical morons who need to sit the f*ck down and shut the f*ck up.Your hysterical nonsense is really boring,tired AND RIDICULOUS.
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3:04 pm
This has to be the most ridiculuous piece of garbage I have ever read. Not only do I not see a problem with Betty White nor think that she ‘threatens’ institution of grandmotherhood, I find your characterization of homosexuals insulting, unfair and uneducated.
Take a look in the mirror if you want to see what’s really destroying fabric of this country.
Sincerely,
Mike Costello, proud grandson of the later Mary Moffitt as well as proud husband, father and soon-to-be grandfather, who supports gay rights as well as rights for ALL Americans.
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4:12 pm
Thank you for your service to our country, Sir!
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4:31 pm
This has to be the most idiotic Christian analysis on a topic so innocuous and non-threatening that I almost thought it was a joke. First of all, who says that grandmothers must conform to merely shelling out hard candy and asserting old, outdated values that have no relevance to modernity? Second, Betty White is not YOUR grandma, so what do you care how she acts? This is a free country, she can do whatever she wants, and damn you if you think you have the right you force people to meet your antiquated conception of what it means to be a grandma. Third, why would ever take issue with Betty White of all entertainers? There are so many more provocative and at leas seemingly threatening entertainers to take issue with. Stephenson Billings, your mind is absolutely warped, and littered with paranoid notions of an antagonistic threat that DOES NOT EXIST. She’s a fukcin 90 year old comedian who by no means represents a threat to anyone! And please, please, just try to attempt to logically prove that she promotes homosexually. YOU ARE MENTALLY INSANE.
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4:18 pm
Chris, people thought Ghandi, Martin Luther and George Bush were insane so I am happy to be included in their company.
In any event, your “free country” liberalism argument is an utter failure. Does that freedom extend to our teenage daughters who want to dress in lingerie and hang out with rock stars? Or the pedophile who spends time lurking in playgrounds as an expression of his “personality”? It’s people like you who would have given Hitler a free pass because maybe he just needed to “be himself”. People like you deserve to be in jail. Thank you.
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5:35 pm
Wow… Grandmothers don’t have to be homebodies who sit around knitting and baking cookies all day to be wonderful people and amazing role models. And just because someone gets old doesn’t mean they have to pretend to be anyone other then who they have always been. Betty White is awesome for reminding us of that. Pull the stick out of your butt, dude.
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5:38 pm
LMAO at all these idiots who took this thing seriously… funny stuff…
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9:38 pm
You sound awfully intelligent. :-O
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8:47 pm
This has got to be a joke. I don’t believe anyone could be as narrow-minded, cowardly and pathetic as this Billings guy. It’s a joke right? Or is it another example of how backwards and insane radical Christianity has become? Please tell me it’s a joke . . .
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4:22 pm
Robert, I’m equally shocked that you can live a life so devoid of faith and morality, alone and desperate in this dark, dark world.
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9:00 pm
All the problems facing this planet and you think Betty White is dangerous? Somebody with priorities so far out of whack should not have access to web hosting or the internet.
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1:09 am
“The Notorious B.M.W.” LOL!!! VERY COOL!!!
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9:54 am
No wonder Christianity is in trouble with writing like this that takes things out of context, gives purient twists to things like loving cats (“fetishization of cat ownership”) and horror of horror — donating to animal causes. Oh Lordy, help us, she’s giving money to those animals again instead of to right wing “churches” that take themselves far too seriously. Why is it that people like you take all the harsh things in the Bible so to heart and want to spend your time and energy condemming instead of helping and being kind? Why not spend your energy raising money for those in need instead of railing against an entertainer who is kind to animals and makes us laugh? Maybe it is YOU who need to read the Bible again, especially concentating on things like “let he who without sin cast the first stone.”
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10:44 am
Best. Site. Ever.
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11:23 am
I admit to being in too much of a hurry and not reading the middle section of your post before tapping out my reply. Having gone back and read it at leasure and then going to read more of your work as well as other works on this site and I have to take back everything I said and crown you a satirical genius. I’m going to spend a lot of lunch hours here laughing. Thanks for setting us “straight” on the evil Betty White.
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2:04 pm
Oh, this is hilarious! I almost thought it was serious, but NOBODY could be that snippy and hypocritical for real.
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3:51 pm
That is just fantastic that you find a 6000 year old religion and its billions of followers the source of chuckles. Pervert.
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7:11 pm
“That is just fantastic that you find a 6000 year old religion and its billions of followers the source of chuckles.”
I find it the source of chuckles as well, but more in the sense of “wow, 2.1 billion people blindly follow this old fairytale without any evidence to back it up, that’s pretty pathetic”.
“Pervert.”
You are the pervert, Billings, for taking young boys out camping without any other supervision. There is nothing perverted about questioning a religion.
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8:39 pm
I AM THE SUPERVISION ON THOSE CAMPING TRIPS.
Crazy.
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8:48 pm
Well they’re all fucked then.
Someone call the police.
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7:28 pm
“I AM THE SUPERVISION ON THOSE CAMPING TRIPS.”
I said OTHER supervision, as in OTHER than yourself. Any person who entrusts one MALE with the life of their son is stupid.
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9:27 pm
This article gave me a serious boner.
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12:08 am
Stephenson, you are completely delusional, and it’s hateful people like you that make me ashamed to call myself a Christian. Normally I might say that I’ll be praying for you, but in this case I would be lying. You’re clearly not worth it.
P.S. Betty White is my role model. Deal with it.
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12:25 am
THIS WOMAN IS DESTROYING AMERICA. WAKE UP!
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11:04 am
SWITCH TO DECAF!
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5:00 pm
Unless she has bombs and jackhammers and pickaxes, I fail to see how she’s destroying America. YOU, on the other hand, are doing NOTHING but trying to instill fear into people with just about EVERYTHING! According to you, just about EVERYTHING has a ‘homogay agenda’ or some plot to destroy the world or something. You don’t reference your numbers, you do nothing but hotlink to other articles here that do the same thing, and you act as if God himself bestowed upon you this knowledge and do NOTHING but spout hateful lies and discriminate against everything, and then when called out on it, you do nothing but tell the person that they’re a child or some demon. You don’t do the most basic forms of research, you don’t know jack shit about history, and you do nothing but just insult people. You sir, along with every other ‘serious Christian’ here that does the same bullshit, are THE shining example of the kind of mockery that other Christian’s have to put up with.
All you want to do is spread lies and hate under the guise of helping humanity, insult everyone who isn’t a white Christian being, and tarnish and destroy the beliefs of Christ. I know so many other Christians that would want your head for the blasphemy you’ve committed and the crap you’ve done (and this is in reference to just about every article writer on this site). Face it, you have become EXACTLY what God and Christ are against, and yet you zealous wretches have the audacity to insult and hate everyone who points out your flaws and act as if you’re in the right. You drag Christ’s name through the mud and act under the guise of a holy campaign just so you can justify your hate for everything you even SLIGHTLY disagree with. Obama not the guy you wanted in office? You call him Satan’s solider. There’s some actress that you don’t like? She’s trying to turn boys into gays. Don’t like a sport or a country? Call it something beneath ‘American values’ or something to that effect. Find the idea of porn or naked women terrible? Call everyone involved a whore and wish them death. Don’t want to deal with someone who points out your shit? Call them a child and insult them further. I can go on and on all day buddy, the only problem is your thick heads won’t register that you are nothing but trolls inside the Christian community.
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5:35 pm
I would like you to cite any facts you believe I have gotten wrong. My grasp of history is far superior and for more complex than you will ever understand. Your little essay is so hypocritical I don’t know where to start. I have my faith to drive me and I am inspired to write. Your hatred of my faith is unfounded and frankly childish. There are no relevant facts in your drivel of a comment.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” — Corinthians 13:7-8
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5:48 pm
And you continue to prove my point. What facts should I state? What facts SHOULDN’T I state has the shorter answer! Show me a list of your references and I might believe some of the things you actually say, or at least believe you do your homework. As for your knowledge of history, I say it only goes back to last year tops, which gets thrown in with ‘not doing any research’ since grade school children know more about history than you do.
//Your little essay is so hypocritical I don’t know where to start.//
read as: OHSHI-I got nothin :O
//I have my faith to drive me and I am inspired to write. Your hatred of my faith is unfounded and frankly childish. There are no relevant facts in your drivel of a comment. //
I certainly do hate your faith, but don’t confuse that with hating Christianity. What I hate is your zealous faith that you have, the one that gives you the insane idea that you’re right about every piece of crap that comes from your mouth or hand when writing or typing. As for the comment about being childish, you just added in that you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about and proved my point yet again, in that you don’t bother to refute any claims with anything other than ‘you’re with satan’ or ‘you’re a child’ or something similar to that.
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4:48 pm
“My grasp of history is far superior and for more complex than you will ever understand.”
AAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. *gasp for air* MWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA…
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7:17 pm
You’re kidding, right? You have to be kidding.
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4:31 pm
Alicia: “You’re the kind of man they catch luring (or as you call it “helping”) women to your home and brutally torturing and raping them before you kill them and burying them in a ditch. Simply said, YOU ARE A SICKO. It even condones rape in your precious bible that you seem to follow to a T.”
Alicia, I’m not sure what prompted this slanderous accusation but I must admit, being a Christian journalist I have had every bit of nonsense thrown at me in my life. Are you sure about your claims? Do you have any mental issues yourself? Can you honestly say you are not medicated or that you should be? Anyone who writes this sort of craziness on the internet only proves their own instability. I will pray for your soul and your mind. God bless and please spend some time with a medical professional.
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4:44 pm
Nothing Alicia has said is any more insane than the not-so-carefully crafted notions included in the articles on this website. It is no more a stretch to envision you capable of her accusations than it is to say that the Golden Girls are responsible for a generation of homosexuals.
I look forward to meeting you in heaven someday (if you make it there after all this hate-spewing) to find that GOD LOVES ALL – gays, lesbians, artists, actors, atheists and beyond…
It is far too late to change you or your mind about the blind indoctrination you have clearly suffered in this life… But I am making it part of my routine to bring your website to the attention of those who see it for what it really is; the perpetuation of hate. ChrisTwire is anti-life, I hope you rot for it all.
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1:08 pm
I LOVE BETTY WHITE!!! You are a fool, GOD LOVE’S BETTY TOO!!!
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8:31 am
Thankyou for yet another hilarious comedy article! Keep ‘em coming! May I suggest the possessed dolls and toys of Toy Story 3, and how they are corrupting our children?
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4:38 pm
This site, at first glance, made me laugh with hysterics over how utterly RIDICULOUS it is! Bill Murray, Glee and Betty White all on the hit list is beyond insanity, it is laughable and completely discredits any message of faith and peace.
I’m not really sure why I am even bothering to post my reaction as I *know* it will fall on deaf ears (or blind eyes, as the case may be). The moderators and contributors to this site should be charged with hate-mongering – there are limits to free speech and ChrisTwire has exceeded their quota of passable hate-perpetuation.
Thank you for keeping up the image that those in agreement with these articles are as brainless and soul-less as ever. You are actually doing a greater service by providing representation of the maniacal and ignorant stance of the Christian-right.
Good job ChrisTwire – you are now my go-to ass hole detector.
Signed,
666 (<— Boooooo scary!!!)
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12:42 pm
“…with their thick chest hairs luxuriously bursting from the tops of their ragged tanktops.” http://www.theonion.com/articles/repeal-of-dont-ask-dont-tell-paves-way-for-gay-sex,17698/
That anyone believes you’re being serious is beyond me. You may be the most amazing comic alive
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4:56 pm
This truly saddens me to see someone write such an ugly letter about another and using many “mis-quoted” verses to slander their character with.
Not only is there nothing in the Bible condoning such behavior but instead plenty condemning it, there’s also no reason or purpose for doing so.
Instead you have put a bitter taste in people’s mouth about Christianity, not because you have said something that convicts them of their sin, but because you have shown them what yet another judgmental person looks like while using the name of Christ.
I do feel sorrow for you because you have a lot of mis-placed anger about issues and topics that SHOULD be addressed and you’ve diverted them towards one individual as if she actually was the source.
You’ve also caused some to stumble with those words and you will be held accountable for it.
Christianity isn’t about people being perfect and to think any one of us are any better than any other sinner is just foolishness. The only difference between a Christian and an unbeliever is we are forgiven for our mistakes by having faith in our Savior.
If you can honestly pray to God and ask Him what He thinks of this article, and He confirms there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this article, then so be it and may He not hold it against you. Otherwise I’d recommend removing it for your own sake.
If you want to get a fuss stirred up, which I’m guessing that’s the real reason of this article, then read the Old Testament and write articles on things such as “God gave us animals to eat”, “The Levite who chopped his wife up into 12 pieces and sent them out”, etc. (which is in there) and watch the response you get from that. Bashing people isn’t the way to go about it though.
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10:27 pm
I love this comedy site. Gosh. It is so freaking funny. You guys really do capture the stupidity that is the overjealous right wing christian. Do you guys write for famous comedians under different names? The “voice” that you take is totally bigoted too. My gosh. I think that far right christians are no better than over zealous Muslims. At least you guys make fun of everyone equally. The most hilarious thing is that some people seem to take you seriously, that is the best fun of all! I am recommending this site to my friends because it is a scream. Keep up the great scam! Bravo.
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4:11 pm
You have to be kidding!
“Who is responsible for this? It should come as no surprise that the Homosexuals of America are to blame.”
You’re absolutely right, it must have been The American Institution of Homosexuality behind all of this! That Chief Queer really has it out for the American Institution of Grandmotherhood.
You’re such a joke, it makes me disgusted. So you don’t confuse yourself, “You’re absolutely right” is in massive sarcasm quotes.
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4:17 pm
I can’t believe that you have the nerve to say Betty White is “promiscuous.” She is a hard working actress with little free time! Cat ownership has nothing to do with sex, either. To the contrary, there are many dedicated animal lovers who devote so much time to helping animals that they do not have time for a sexual or a romantic life! This article is bullshit! It makes Christians look crazy & bad, as nothing in this article is Christian. No one turns homosexual from watching the Golden Girls! That is ignorant & impossible! If gay men like it, then they simply have good taste in comedy. As a slam to this author, they should also consider that perhaps they could find themselves in hell, while some gays who do not hurt others might be in heaven. You should be ashamed of yourselves for being so haughty & ridiculous. Go help animals or win souls with Christ instead of writing hate fueled, jealous articles!
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12:37 pm
You really should take a break from using words you dont understand and work on your editing skills. This is by far the longest run-on sentence I have ever seen. The worst part of this is that it doesn’t even make sense by the 3rd line!
“These are a dangerous people, obsessed with libidinously sampling ethnic diversity and cunningly networking themselves into the highest echelons of American society, bent on dominating their heterosexual masters, whom they scheme to bend over office desks and against factory walls as they push and push for more special rights from those who do everything in their power to resist that painfully sweat-drenched invasion of America’s most precious principles.”
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10:11 am
TO WHOM MUCH IS GIVEN MUCH IS REQUIRED!!! Betty White has been given long life as well as success in life. She is looked upon for wisdom, insight and the way to a good life by many. She has an inate responsibility to others and to spew out vulgarity and profanity is irresponsible for a woman or man of advanced years. Maybe she thinks God won’t take her if she’s not ready to go but that is NOT how things work. She will have to stand before God like the rest of us one day and give an account for the deeds done in the body as well as the words spoken from her mouth. She can repent and turn to God but God is not fooled. He knows when a heart is sincere before Him or just saying words to get over on Him. Betty White is funny, cute and enjoyable in shows like The Golden Girls or Hot in Cleveland but her actual life is not giving young people anything solid or wholesome to aspire to and one scripture in The Bible tells us “It would be better for a millstone to be tied around the neck and cast into the sea than to lead one of His little ones into sin.” Fun is nice but it is also the prefix to FUNERAL. Get with God, Betty! KS
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9:11 am
You stephenson billings are a cunt. You are the biggest heap of shit asshole I’ve ever heard of in the world. Let me ask you something. How many people on this thread agree with you? How many people think your a crazy fucked in the head bible abusing moron. Score looks about 0/20. I’d say thats a pretty shit score.
I think that you are a delusional radical-est.
You have been such a cunt to all these people for no reason and are telling them that they are in the wrong. Have a look in the mirror mate. If there was such thing as heaven and hell, you’d be going to hell.
If I saw you on the street I’d smash your face in cunt.
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11:25 am
Perhaps we should focus on the use of the word “luxuriously” here. Methinks the author dost protest too much.
“Surely she is a surrogate grandmother, one who doesn’t reject their sassy ways and 1950s furniture, their outspoken liberalism and their frequent “houseguests” with their thick chest hairs luxuriously bursting from the tops of their ragged tanktops.”
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12:31 pm
You are a pervert. I am far too heterosexual for you to comprehend, obviously.
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12:50 pm
Then why haven’t you ever married?
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1:03 pm
He has given his life to the LORD. A commitment you foolhardily try to mimic by filling your studio apartment to the brim with cats – LOL. Here’s a faith tip – skip the filthy, demonic cats…fill your heart with the LORD!
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1:14 pm
Nope, not cutting it. If men and women are supposed to be makin’ babies and not making babies is a sin, then Billings is going to Hell. No exceptions, unless you want to admit that you’re a hypocrite.
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2:00 pm
Racist comments and now uncalled for criticism of a good man. Is your road to hell paved yet?
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2:03 pm
Using the N word to point out the hypocrisy of you guys isn’t being racist.
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