Victory For Mississippi-style Segregation! School Holds Great Prom For Cool Heteros, Separate Event For Lesbians & The Retarded
The State of Mississippi avoided a terrible crisis this past week when it devised a unique solution to the “lesbians at the prom” problem facing many American high schools today. It all began when Constance McMillen, a radical “lesbian” at the Itawamba Farming School in the town of Fulton demanded the right to take a female “lesbian” companion to the traditionally heterosexual prom (she also wanted discounted tickets and approval of her date’s male tuxedo).
Harking back to a golden era of Southern history, school officials decided to segregate the heterosexuals from those much less likely to breed. Lesbians and the retarded were told to go to a “special” event devised specifically for them. For the entire evening, a detail of school officials kept the lesbians and retarded effectively contained on the grounds of a local country club, unaware that the real prom was in full swing nearby. This allowed the heterosexual teens to have a safe evening in a fabulous setting where precious memories certainly were made. As can be seen from the photos above and below, the event was a stupendous “gay-free” success.
The reason that this is such a vital issue today has to do with the hallowed tradition of high school prom itself. It is a uniquely American rite of passage for heterosexual girls, where they dress in expensive clothes and reveal the loveliness of their bodies. It is a great opportunity for young men to begin thinking about selecting a partner, one who will promise them happiness in a Christian marriage and the blessing of children. It is a sacred ritual where girls prove they can survive in a competitive social environment, despite heels and heavy makeup. For many in rural America, it can be the last such hurrah of youthful fun before they embark on factory jobs and a cycle of pregnancies.
In a setting where young men and women have been known to experiment with alcohol for the first time, it is even more essential to keep these ceremonies strictly retarded- and homosexual-free. Alcohol numbs the reflexes and muddies our inhibitions. The thrill of tight, adult clothes can make children unnecessarily vain and inappropriately aware of firm body parts. Men pride in their well-formed backsides and may slap each other in good-natured fun. But dim light always thrills the predator and a homosexual on the dance floor is no different. They seek out their prey in dark corners, locked bathrooms and even in the backseat of Mother’s SUV. Boys have been known to make mistakes at their mixed proms, mistakes in the strange woods behind the school auditorium, mistakes they will never be able to purge from their tormented minds no matter how hard they push themselves to live a normal, married life and even succeed in public service. No, that image of a bottle of rum in one hand and the wispy captain of the swim team in the other will forever haunt them.
Is Mississippi-style segregation a solution for our nation’s Lesbian Problem? It may be too early to tell, but the Heterosexual parents, teachers and fellow students of Fulton, Mississippi have shown America that the old adage of “separate but equal” may be making a comeback.