Abe Goodman: Jury Duty At Law
My friends, it is with a joyous heart that I have an announcement to make unto you. I have been selected to oversee a court of law.
Several weeks ago, I received a letter from the government stating that I have been selected to be a judge of the courts. They probably read my journalism and see how God leads me to make good decisions in judging the guilty.
Due to this, they demand that I now come into even the courtrooms themselves so I may condemn those who have broken the Christian edicts of our nation. They want me to, tell them who is standing right and not guilty by evidence, or those in my heart who I know stand guilty!
This task surely will require much energy and prayer, so I will be taking a hiatus from journalism and environmental science while I do this duty for our country. I will not be able to tell you the details of the work they need me to do for court, but tomorrow at 5:30 am I will take off toward the courtrooms so that we may hopefully condemn some sinners like sneaking Mexis, gays, urbans and so forth, the usual criminals. Those who look unto terrorism.
I pledge that I will return after my duty to God and country has been served, as I join the echolons of Judges of history. Until next time my dear friends, be well and let us continue to make America a moral nation under God, embracing its Christian heritage.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Abe
If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack.
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2:39 pm
Goeth forth young Christian and perform those works of Jury Duty that God has chosen of you!
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2:41 pm
Congratulations, Abe! Remember to be a light in the courtroom, so that the moral perspective that Christ would want prevails for the case.
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2:48 pm
We will miss you Abe! God bless you on your voyage! And it would be fun to take part in enforcing the law against whatever crooks you encounter. Remember, in some states you are not allowed to bring a Bible or a gun into a courthouse, fyi…
Also, I saw once on a Law and Order episode that jury members can ask questions during testimony so if you feel someone says something wrong or outrageous don’t be afraid to stand up in the courtroom and question them for yourself.
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3:11 pm
yes because tv shows are a great referance right?
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3:47 pm
The little problem is 1 you are not supposed to Talks as a Jury Just Listen
2 You MUST agree with every other jury and You must explain why you said if he is guilty or not I suggest Not using the Bible because you will be put Out for discrimination
if you don’t agree with them you must 1. try to change their Opinion and 2. explain why
But My guess is you won’t last Long because if it’s takes too long they normally disband the Jury
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4:24 pm
In the United States of America, jurors are indeed allowed to ask questions during trial. The rules vary from state to state (some places require the questions be submitted in writing to the judge), but this has also been the law for Military trials for a long time. I guess you learned something today!
http://www.abanet.org/litigation/litigationnews/trial_skills/trial-practice-jurors-questions.html
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4:50 pm
Oh wow, this must be the single happiest day of my life so far! I had jelly and ice cream, I am staying somewhere with unlimited wifi access and now I learn that my least favourite ‘journalist’ is GONE! DANCE PARTY!!!!!
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4:58 pm
You will be eliminated before you even get there. Jury selection is based on those who are NOT bigoted, ignorant assholes who spout Biblical snippets to back up their own hateful souls.
As far as I’m concerned, YOU’re the Devil.
You preach hatred, mistrust, racism and violence toward anybody who does not share your views. Is this Christlike? I think not.
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5:00 pm
Oh, and P.S.? You aren’t “overseeing” a damn thing. You’re a juror. Idiot.
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6:25 pm
Like stella said. Just because your requested for jury duty doesn’t mean your going to be in the jury. You have show your backround and you have to say why you should be part of the jury. Than you have to be approved by the judge a lawers. So seeing the condition of your sanity, I don’t believe that your going to be in the final 12.
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10:32 pm
Dude, everybody and their fucking brother gets selected for jury duty at least once in their life. In fact, aside from a documentable emergency, jury duty is the only acceptable absence from a lab at my school (in my major, you miss a lab, you fail the course).
IN OTHER WORDS: jury duty is nothing special. You basically got your name picked out of a fucking hat. I’m only 19 and I know this.
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12:40 am
“Several weeks ago, I received a letter from the government stating that I have been selected to be a judge of the courts. They probably read my journalism and see how God leads me to make good decisions in judging the guilty.”
You won’t be a judge. Nobody but the biggest internet trolls knows about your website. You make awful decesions. Except for kicking out Shameful. That probably saved you a really big investigation.
“Due to this, they demand that I now come into even the courtrooms themselves so I may condemn those who have broken the Christian edicts of our nation. They want me to, tell them who is standing right and not guilty by evidence, or those in my heart who I know stand guilty!”
The edicts you speak of are not Christian. They are American edicts, and are not biased in any way torwards or against any religion, race, or point of view.
“This task surely will require much energy and prayer, so I will be taking a hiatus from journalism and environmental science while I do this duty for our country. I will not be able to tell you the details of the work they need me to do for court, but tomorrow at 5:30 am I will take off toward the courtrooms so that we may hopefully condemn some sinners like sneaking Mexis, gays, urbans and so forth, the usual criminals. Those who look unto terrorism.”
You can’t possibly be a scientist. You don’t know the details. You won’t condemn anybody. You’ll take a test, be asked a few questions, and be rejected because of bias. What about those who look unto terrorism?
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11:45 am
Best of wishes, Abe! Let us know how it all goes when you’re able.
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11:19 pm
Nobody gets selected to be a judge because of crummy, poorly written articles he wrote on the internet. Unless, perhaps, he blew a politician. Did Abe blow a politician?
The likelihood is in favor of him being screened for jury-duty. It would be interesting to watch that trial, should he make it. However, unless the man is Black, Gay, or Retarded and the trial is being held in Texas, I don’t think Abe has much of a chance at being a juror.
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4:56 pm
Actually, the government did not select you to attend jury duty. They (KGB) are planning to send you to Dulce… lol
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3:08 pm
Hahaha!!! YES!!! ABE IS LEAVING!!! This should become a new holiday!!! Oh, P.s. ABE you are a racist. Oh, wait… everyone already knew that. How hateful can you be???
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10:37 pm
YOUR country? Last time I checked, the USA was still a free country for legal citizens. If I don’t like what you say, I’ve got just as much right as you to have my say. As for being a smart aleck, I pray that, when you are judged, God goes easy on you as you are clearly a big mouth who just likes to rile people up and I really believe you get off on it.
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2:44 am
From your avatar, it looks like you are a women so you just SHUT YOUR FMALLE MOUTH WOMAN! How do you like that? This country is based on Christian tradition so that means SHUT YOU RMOUTH FEMALE!!!
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3:22 pm
dude… SHUT THE FUCK UP! pissy old man, he who should GO DIE IN A HOLE! My GOD hates you, and your god is nothing. for i know we don’t share the same GOD… and jury duty is required unless deemed unfit. which i think you are… O.O
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