Cracked.com, Selling the Mustard of a Million Mediocre Minds
Contemporary Christian theological analysis tends to steer clear of fly-by-night trends, but there are times when something appears that is so irresponsible and disingenuous that it must be called out for its failures. The focus of such attention in today’s article is the humor website, Cracked.com. It is a cliché of banality, the mustard of a million mediocre minds– cured, repugnant and tangy. It serves no purpose but to spread the disease of misinformation like a cheap, venereal streetwalker. And our young people, its faithful patrons, walk away from that fetid whore with a grin not unlike that of every self-righteous unemployable immature deadbeat of America.
For those in the Christian community unfamiliar with this crudely-designed website, it borrows from the playbook of gossip page Gawker.com with servicey “listicles.” First theorized by blogger Choire Sicha, the “listicle” is the bastard child of Harper’s Magazine front of book “Harper’s Index.” Essentially, it extracts significant bits of information from news articles and essays and lays them out in brief bullet points. This format appeals to those with short attention spans and others who want to appear intelligent without actually being so. The subtext of the listicle is irony, one bullet point is meant to contrast the next. These juxtapositions– such as in Cracked’s recent “Creepiest Places on Earth” article which pits a medieval church filled with skulls against a town decimated by nuclear radiation– may seem intriguing at a glance but ultimately they are intellectually tepid, factually questionable and morally vacant.
INTERNET HUMOR: WHY DO WE HAVE SUCH LOW EXPECTATIONS?
Words like “creepy,” “lame,” “awesome” and “hipster” appear frequently throughout Cracked.com. But like these keywords, the content of the site is neither fresh nor exciting; rather it exudes the rank stench of 1990s blogospheric conspiracy theories. Regular writers like Chris Bucholz craft nonsense out of thin air, “how to” articles that will never be used like “How to Form Your Own Cult” or “So You’ve Been Challenged to a Duel.” The trick here is that his readers are so irrational, they imagine that some day they’ll need these tips in their pathetic lives, and it further adds to their delusions of grandeur. In practice, Cracked.com exploits the mental weakness of its readers. Its blog posts become building blocks in the fortress that teens construct to separate themselves from reality. It would not be wrong to say that the people funding this site are directly complicit in the spread of unrealistic childhood expectations and later adult employment failure now plaguing America.
Other site contributors like the man who goes by the name Cody exhibit a pedophile’s fascination with little children and scary monsters, great wit Ian Fortey sees everything in lists of five (try counting with both hands, you imbecile), and sex-obsessed Gladstone sadly fails at generating traffic no matter how lurid his content. Daniel O’Brien takes a different route, aiming for the intellectual with pieces entitled, “A Textbook for Juggalos,” and “Bill Clinton’s Badass Equivalent: Bond or McClane?” But they just don’t connect to his high school zit squad audience. And then there is Jacopo della Quercia who rapes history for laughs and has no concept of fact checking. Maybe this is an Italian thing.
As a whole, Cracked.com is only perpetuating our young generation’s addiction to “factoids” and not real facts. It enables attention deficit disorder and discourages deeper thought. It is the antithesis of faith and study. Mock science, poor history and blog mythology is promoted on every page, setting a dangerous example for today’s students (imagine if your children were writing homework essays with titles like “History’s 10 Worst Royal Nicknames” or “A Day in the Life of a Scratch-Off Ticket Purchase”?). The whole presentation of this information is taken to unbearable extremes with big typesets, excessively large page layouts, distracting advertising and a breakdown of these lists into tiny sections that beg you to click and click some more so that this failing business may generate some semblance of web traffic to keep its finances afloat.
As a place of humor, Cracked represents the very worst of internet content (see “A Golfer Rings Steven Seagal’s Doorbell,” “White Ninja Is Very Flexible,” or “Shockingly Evil Things Babies Are Capable Of” for typical examples). It is never funny, never enlightening. They aim for the simplistic “Oh gosh, that’s interesting” short flash of interest. It is the sort of garbage a blinking ad of an old man exasperated about mortgage rates will make you quickly forget (if you’re looking at Cracked right now, there is probably that old man ad on the right hand side now. Interesting, isn’t he? What is wrong with his face, those eyes? What were you reading again?).
“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” –Proverbs 17:22.
The internet once promised to be a place of honesty and integrity. When it came to humor, we were expecting genuine wit and laughter. Some combination of Jonathan Swift, the clowns of the Ringling Brothers Circus and the unscripted children laughing on YouTube. Instead, we get this factory punching out a stream of insipid “oh gosh!” moments, too embarrassingly juvenile to share with your friends and co-workers. Yet maybe our empty lives of poor public schools and pointless corporate jobs demand such equally meaningless escapes? Is Cracked a mirror to America’s own shallow soul, something that states since our lives are devoid of love and compassion, truth and intelligence, our humor should be the same? Even if, on the other hand, we are a people who have suffered and struggled, a people who have been hurt and beaten, shouldn’t our humor reflect a dark but humble wit, something that says we can laugh at our selves fallen down in the mud, broke and bleeding?
The time has come for internet users to move on from Cracked.com. Short attention spans and flashy content can equal page views, but their model is fussy and dated. Reddit, Digg and Fark are replacing their insipid constructions with more relevant digests of truthful and inspiring information. Their irritating Web 2.0 design has long been bypassed by far superior websites. Their authors are experts at auto-fellation, but have no clue about the average internet user who is seeking real expertise and thrilling, original content. Simply put, the demographic of Cracked.com is pre-teen boys who have just given up watching Disney’s the Suite Life With Zack and Cody and who have not yet discovered FailBlog. That is their g-spot of traffic but unfortunately for Cracked.com, those boys are now growing up.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
9:59 pm
Reverend Billings, what a powerful stance you’re taking against this Internet cancer! Cracked.com can now expect its readership to decline precipitously in the very near future.
Hot debate. What do you think?
11 
21
10:37 pm
I just advertised cracked to 15,000 people on facebook just to spite you guys.
HAHAHA
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
41 
6
10:45 pm
This site mus be smited by the lord! A website that’s funny! It must be the work of Satan. There’s nothing wrong with that site. It’s a comedy site. It achieve just that. Sure it’s crude, but there is nothing wrong with that. You are just too stuck up to appreciate some crude/dark humor. There are thousands of sites far worse than this. Go bitch about those.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
5
4:32 pm
Clearly you didn’t understand (or even read?) my article. I make a strong case why Cracked.com does not serve the public good and also why it fails to be funny. Did you have difficulty comprehending that?
Hot debate. What do you think?
8 
26
12:01 pm
did you have difficulty comprehending the subjectivity of humour? (i’ll give you a hint, the answer is yes)
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
10:43 pm
cracked.com is funny, and i’m not stupid. also, to quote your article “And then there is Jacopo della Quercia who rapes history for laughs and has no concept of fact checking. Maybe this is an Italian thing.” Seems a little bit racist, don’t you think?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
10:48 pm
…says the guy that believes in an omnipresent being because a couple pieces of paper say so.
alright, in all fairness, i shouldn’t bash an entire beliefe because of one asshole, but just because not everyone has this guys sense of humor (or better yet, lack there of) doesn’t mean he should shoot it to shit in a completely retarded article.
Praise or Condemn:
16 
5
12:05 am
JEALOUS!
Praise or Condemn:
13 
2
4:33 pm
Thanks for the compliment. I do work hard but I love what I do so please don’t be jealous! You, too, can achieve your dreams with a little hard work and some luck. God bless!
Praise or Condemn:
4 
22
12:18 am
You’re good at using loaded words and no empirical evidence to prove any points you are trying to make aren’t you? It’s safe to say that evidence is not on your list of most important things though is it?
Vic
Praise or Condemn:
16 
3
4:35 pm
Hi Vic!
It’s hard to respond to your criticism since you cite no specifics, whereas my article is full of them. I take a hard line on Journalism because as a Journalist I have a lot of respect for the field. If you truly feel challenged by my piece, please try to come up with some compelling defense than just a simple insult.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
12
12:20 am
What a boring weekend for the internet.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
4
12:21 am
Praise or Condemn:
3 
13
12:51 am
Nice alliteration.
Bad article.
Don’t criticize something using something they used to criticize themselves- that “Caruso at the mall” joke is from their website. It’s not funny if they did it first.
You are boring.
Praise or Condemn:
11 
1
8:42 am
I saw David Caruso’s photo on their homepage. I didn’t realize they did a story about him going to the mall. Serendipidity! Maybe I’ll change it to Martha Stewart doing something…
Praise or Condemn:
1 
5
9:41 am
you stole the picture. you did not make the joke to begin with because the joke is allready on their site. they made the picture you use to mock them with. they made the joke you use.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
3
4:37 pm
First of all my little friend, I just now looked at the article in question and it looks nothing like mine. My intern created that image at my direction and the photo of Caruso is a different one. My joke is in fact much more sophisticated and about Cracked itself. Here’s the link, take a look. You are full of baloney!
http://www.cracked.com/funny-116-david-caruso/
Praise or Condemn:
4 
6
5:20 pm
Wrong article. That image in your article is from an article on their site about how their list-style comedy can be a bit samey.
Your “intern”- if it wasn’t you making this- is a plagiarist.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
6:14 pm
The photo is a publicity shot you idiot. Cracked does own it and we’re not plagirists so stop this stupid nonsense.
Look it’s here: http://www.westsidetale.com/2009/03/30/david-caruso-could-say-goodbye-stalker/
And why don’t you provide me a link to back urge your foolish charges?
Praise or Condemn:
2 
4
12:32 am
You “cracked” their code buddy!
Praise or Condemn:
5 
9
9:24 pm
*sigh* stfu
Praise or Condemn:
7 
2
12:08 am
jeepers that was the cleverest pun i’ve ever read
Praise or Condemn:
2 
1
12:38 am
Here we go again with the religious fanatics crushing the spirit of people just having fun. Anyone with any sort of common sense can expect that most of the articles on Cracked.com are not to be taken seriously, and are written purely to mock, make light of a subject or brighten an otherwise boring day at work. Cracked.com’s fan base isn’t even what you speak of- most of us are hard working adults. I personally am a 29 year old woman.
Seriously, you base your WHOLE faith on a book written centuries ago, but you are chiding a website for mucking a few facts here and there? I certainly would love to sit down with you and “prove” the bible to me. I doubt you could, because you’ve never actually examined your religion, just accepted what you were told.
I could honestly replace the word cracked.com with the words the bible, all through out this article and you would have a strong argument against religion, amirite?
The only thing your article did was drive me further away from religion.
I hope your god smites you for not having a sense of humor, and your wife gives you your balls back, you sound like a whiny bitch without them.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
4
4:41 pm
Since you did attempt to reply with a thoughtful analysis, I will return the favor. You are mistaken in that people don’t take Cracked.com seriously. People look at it as a fun encyclopedia of information, like the Guiness Book of World’s Records mashed up. And that is exactly my problem with the site. They take information out of context and have no ethical foundation behind their work. Nor are they even funny! I can’t find anything enjoyable on that horrible site.
No need to insult the Bible, my young friend. Your comments there are simply without merit.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. ” –Romans 8:28.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
5
5:11 pm
“I can’t find anything enjoyable on that horrible site.”
Really? Not even this: http://www.cracked.com/funny-2203-christ-wire/
Praise or Condemn:
8 
2
5:36 pm
That was a pathetic attempt at comedy, truly. Did you write that Paddy? Are you on Facebook by the way? We should become friends so I can get in touch with your family if I ever visit your Catholic homeland.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
6
1:00 pm
No, I did not write that and no, I am not on Facebook.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
9:06 pm
dude, you can’t prove something by quoting itself. . .
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
3:13 pm
I do hate it when people mis-quote the Bible.
-And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
~Romans 8:28
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:28 am
You make me sad.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
1:31 am
Is cracked the site owned by the two gay Jewish boys?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
0
8:28 am
No, it’s owned by Christian fundamentalists…
“It serves no purpose but to spread the disease of misinformation…”
I know that’s from Stevie’s article, but I’d just like to point out that this Web site is doing just fine in that regard. And thank you, Adam, for pointing helping to illustrate my point…
Praise or Condemn:
8 
2
1:43 am
Mr Billings,
You are irredeemably stupid. Every sentence in your article points you out as a complete moron. I could only read through half of your putrid, bible-bashing bullshit before I could take no more. As such, I am writing this to let you know that I hate you.
People (that is, not Christ-fags) read Cracked because it is, in a word, hilarious. The writers discover various things on the internet and, through the use of humour, share them with the world. Do I honestly think I will ever be in a position where I need or want to form my own cult? No. Will I ever be challenged to a duel? Possibly, but probably not. Do I want to read about “5 Ingenious Contraptions Built Out of Nothing But Garbage”? Hell yeah! Would I like to see “7 Ridiculously Over-The-Top Modifications to Deadly Weapons”? You bet your ass I would. (They’re freaking awesome by the way.)
Anyway, I’m 90% sure you only wrote about Cracked in the hope it would divert some of their traffic towards this shitty site, and 10% sure it was because you’re a butthurt little bitch.
I’m going to go read more Cracked articles, because they amuse me. I also may read some of your other posts, because they’re both incredibly misguided and funny as hell.
See you in the afterlife. It will be warm.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
1
4:42 pm
I could barely read you insipid little comment. Does typing insults on Christian websites make you happy with yourself? I will pray for you whether you like it or not. Your soul cries out for help, your life is really that desperate. May God bless you.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
10
5:05 pm
“Does typing insults on Christian websites make you happy with yourself?”
Hell yes. Would we be doing it otherwise? Remember all those people who used to tell you there’s no such thing as a stupid question?
They lied.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
2
5:48 pm
“Remember all those people who used to tell you there’s no such thing as a stupid question?”
No, no, no, they were telling the truth.
“There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.” – Mr. Garrison, “South Park”
Praise or Condemn:
7 
2
9:44 pm
Hello,
Writing a letter like that would work if this article was serious.
Has anyone noticed that this site looks a lot like Cracked.com? Maybe it serves the same purpose…
It does. This is a blatant satire site.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
4:25 am
“It is never funny, never enlightening.”
same goes for the bible can we ignore that now?
just because you don’t find something funny doesn’t mean i can’t like it.
nobody in their right mind takes the site seriosuly. it’s all for laughs.
“They aim for the simplistic “Oh gosh, that’s interesting” short flash of interest.”
no they aim for either “lol awesome” or “LOL funny” it’s not a news site and never claimed to be. it’s all for a bit of fun and it is really funny if you get the jokes.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
2
6:01 am
thank you, you just proved to me this website is just one big troll.
obvious troll is now obvious
and it only took two articles.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
3
6:52 am
“The subtext of the listicle is irony, one bullet point is meant to contrast the next.”
There should have been a semicolon there, not a comma.
“pre-teen boys who have just given up watching Disney’s the Suite Life With Zack and Cody and who have not yet discovered FailBlog.”
Dude, the show is stupid, but a real journalist would at least get the name correct. It’s “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”.
This article is an epic
Praise or Condemn:
5 
2
5:38 pm
Claire! I never took you for a Disney tween! Now it all makes sense! You’re bitter about growing up and no longer escaping into that “Sweet Life” with boys like Zack and Cody, “laughing out loud”!!!
Praise or Condemn:
2 
6
5:51 pm
“Claire! I never took you for a Disney tween!”
I wasn’t aware that age 19 was considered a “tween”…
“Now it all makes sense! You’re bitter about growing up and no longer escaping into that “Sweet Life” with boys like Zack and Cody, “laughing out loud”!!!”
Perhaps you missed the part where I said “that show is stupid”. I was simply correcting you on the title. Besides, I’m partial to Spongebob, which is on Nickelodeon.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
9:16 pm
And that photo is fake.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
4
9:22 pm
So are the stories in the Bible, but you still use it to try and illustrate your point.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
2
12:15 am
actually that photo is real and easily explainable. do you see those hats? they get freaking hot like hell makeing them faint of over heating from time to time. this just happened at very unfortunate time here. and the picture was taken before anyone could get to make an action to help him. not fake just a “lucky” photo. try again.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
8:41 am
christans are full of fail and should be condemed. <—- cracked is for the lulz
Praise or Condemn:
4 
5
11:30 am
Let’s play the ‘Change the Names to Make this relevant to ChristWire’ game!
“Regular writers like Chris Bucholz craft nonsense out of thin air, “how to” articles that will never be used like “How to Form Your Own Cult” or “So You’ve Been Challenged to a Duel.”
Hmm…try this one:
Regular writers like Abe craft nonsense out of thin air, “how to” articles that will never be used like “How to Spot a Masturbator” or “Vajazzling, The Newest Threat To Your College Son”
And this…
“Other site contributors like the man who goes by the name Cody exhibit a pedophile’s fascination with little children and scary monsters.”
…magically becomes:
“Other site contributors like the man who goes by the name Stephenson Billings exhibit a pedophile’s fascination with little children and scary monsters,”
Hypocrisy at it’s very worst, Billings.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
4:44 pm
Many people are now able to spot masturbators thanks to my article so your point is invalid.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
7
12:16 am
yes but that’s thank to my “are they over 15″-coment and not your stupid artcile so that doesn’t count at all.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
10:55 am
Yes, but as Jazze said, it was due to the comments, not your heap of bullshit. Ergo, your point is invalid. And you never denied the rest of the my comment either.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
2
1:32 pm
Hello, I’m here to point out how STUPID this all is. I’ll admit it I’m a 14 year old boy so I am a part of the target audience, but I read cracked.com WITH MY MOTHER. We sit around and laugh for hours, we quote our favorite bits at eachother all the time.
This one made me laugh, kids and adults all around THE WORLD read these little things called books to get away from reality, so they can pretend that they travel around the world, hunt mummies or kill werewolves.
“Its blog posts become building blocks in the fortress that teens construct to separate themselves from reality”-Stephenson Billings
You didn’t say anything about my favorite writer for that website who also does several videos, I guess this makes me happy, it proves that no matter how much research you did do you didn’t find all the things you could have. Maybe you were being kind, maybe you’re just ignorant.
“Many people are now able to spot masturbators thanks to my article so your point is invalid.”-Stephenson Billings
OH MAN! I almost shit my pants from this one, what did you do write an article saying “Open you eyes and look around at everyone else on the planet”, or was it a description of yourself?
“The internet once promised to be a place of honesty and integrity.”-Stephenson Billings
You now what the internet was invented for right?
“So, how many times did Cracked.com reject your pitches before you decided they were evil?”-myeck
HAHAHA, that is good…Oh man…Whew.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
2:36 pm
//OH MAN! I almost shit my pants from this one, what did you do write an article saying “Open you eyes and look around at everyone else on the planet”, or was it a description of yourself?//
His article includes advice like pressing your nose into a dude’s bed, smelling it, shouting out that you smell jizz, and the guy will either scream in terror or stare at you funny. He also thinks everyone who rubs or jerks one off feels guilty so if someone looks guilty of something, then they had a date with Rosie Palms.
In the grand scheme of things though, that article is actually only in the top 5 and NOT 1st place in the ‘insanely and mind-numbing’ article contest. That place probably belongs to the “Golden Girls turning boys into gays” article. Yes, you read right, he thinks a show about old women turned the polar opposite audience gay.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
0
8:28 pm
Dongs! No, wait, balls! No, dongs! Dongs is my final answer!
Haha, dongs.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
2
8:37 pm
Seriously? As a person who frequents cracked I do agree that some of their articles have become rather bland over the years, but I must emphasize on the “some.” Many of their articles are hilarious AND factual. I myself have seen the process that goes behind the research for an article and trust me when I say that the writers work very hard in order to come up with good sources and good jokes. The Columnists are traditionly write articles in the form of a fictional character but still use solid sources. I suggest you do more research before you make these claims. On a side note:
“The internet once promised to be a place of honesty and integrity.”
There are no words to describe how far away this is from the truth.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
0
9:15 pm
Nice try, but Cracked.com employees pathetically trying to defend their failing blog here is just laughable. You guys are scum. There is no “research” and no soul that goes into their silly nonsense. Why do people click on that garbage is beyond me.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
7
12:23 am
your one to talk. most the time you can be proven wrong useing either a simple wikipedia/google search, the bible(the fuck?) or freaking common sense to prove you wrong. most the time your research amounts to “haveing once meet a man who heard about it from a guy who’s grand cousin once saw the item at mention though never in use obviously”.
let’s make an example. your constant bashing of books like harry potter clearly written without ever haveing opened any of the books. you call THAT research? if you can make sucha throush analisys without opening the book why should we have to read the bible? we allready analisyed it without right?
cracked.com uses fact. sure they then twist them to make a joke meaning that to be able to actually apriciate the site you have to be fairly inteligent(nothing major just an IQ with 3 cifers in it) makeing it clear why you don’t get it. it’s fun but you don’t get it. too bad. fun is subjective so just because you yell “IT’S NOT FUN” doesn’t make you right. i laugh at it daily that is undeniable proof it’s fun.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
1
9:24 pm
I’m upset with your article.
Not for its shameless misrepresentation of its content, not for its dim grasp of what makes the site funny, and not for the hostile tone of your article to a website that is truly generous and democratic.
I’m pissed none of my articles got featured. WTF?! I bust my ass promoting my work across the Internet and I can’t even get a fundamentalist Christian pissed off at me? What the hell’s it going to take? “The Five Most Hilariously Creepy Yet Lame Hipster Sex Toys?”
Praise or Condemn:
9 
0
9:29 pm
Are you Danny O’Brien? Because I did pay special attention at your simplistic attempts at journalism. What articles did you post, by the way?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
9
8:37 am
Nah, I wrote these: http://www.cracked.com/members/theta
You should read them all repeatedly. And forward the offensive ones to your friends.
Praise or Condemn:
10 
0
11:19 pm
Praise the Lord, someone has finally seen the light! This cracked site is the bane of the internet. Just for starters, Cracked.com rearranges into “cram cock ed”, an obvious reference to Ed Begley Jr, who we all know is the posterboy of left wing Obamanazis. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of deception and lies. If you want more, send me an email.
Well done, christwire! Another revealing and insightful article.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
2
9:21 pm
i’m not gunna lie: after reading some of the articles on here, i can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
2
9:35 am
I sense sarcasm
Praise or Condemn:
2 
2
9:06 am
i also believe this is a concern. even in the word christ itself there is i see a problem. if you change it to Chris T. as you can obviously see the Chris is a reference to Chris Forcand who would cyber-date 14 year olds (he was a Christian priest might i add)and sent disturbing videos to them which (thankfully) a sting operation was set up to send him to jail. the T is obviously a reference to the movie star “Mr T” who was very violent and got into many fights. this shows that there are many violent paedophile Christians.
I’m sorry. i hope your being sarcastic or else i’d be very lonely
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
11:36 pm
Dear Stephenson Billings,
This article made me hungry for a hot dog with mustard. Thank you for helping me pick something for dinner and also for informing us about the moral decline caused by Cracked.com.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
2
8:21 am
1/10
Could have used more Vampires.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
5
7:07 pm
Billings,
You are a gigantic faggot.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
2
4:48 am
billings you are seriously a fucking genius
i have no idea how you manage to maintain a relatively high-budget website like this when the humour you’re using is so subtle and inflammatory
in any case i wish you luck in your endeavours, you seriously had me worried for a moment here, and clearly you’ve managed to get a lot of other people really angry over this, but it’s pretty damn clear from the statements made in this article that you can’t possibly be serious
this is almost as elaborate a play on people as this one friend of mine know pulls off regularly, major props on that
Praise or Condemn:
8 
0
8:18 am
Hi Mauver, yes the increasingly high budget of Christwire.org is a constant worry of Pastor Gould, our CEO. We are a nonprofit dot org organization, but despite our status it’s difficult to cover our expenses, the salaries, the 401ks, the health care costs (thanks Obama!) and of course, the funding of our events, meetings and camping trips. Well, thank you for your support and if you feel so inclined, don’t be afraid to send Pastor Jack what you can spare.
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
2:15 pm
someone can’t read sarcasm.
your are being paised for being a good joke.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
3
10:32 am
So, how many times did Cracked.com reject your pitches before you decided they were evil?
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
11:56 pm
I have no interest in working for these people though they would be impressed to have writers of higher talents.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
12:02 am
If it wasn’t for the fact you’re so damn serious, you’d probably be the funniest writer on there Stevie.
Praise or Condemn:
4 
2
12:07 am
They really lack talent and expertise, don’t they?
Praise or Condemn:
1 
4
12:14 am
Yes sir, this place really does lack any good qualities about it. I think that’s first time you ever agreed with anyone other than one of your buddies on this site. Yay for progre-oh wait, you were thinking highly of yourself again and meant Cracked :\ Get your head out of your ass for once Stevie and stop thinking of yourself so damn highly.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
8:39 pm
“I have no interest in working for these people though they would be impressed to have writers of higher talents.”
Isn’t pride one of the seven deadly sins? Seriously, whether this is a satirical site or not, you guys are giving Christianity, on the whole, a bad reputation, namely one of stupidity and ignorance.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
3:03 pm
God’s going to chew your sphincter off before he throws you into hell, man. For realsies.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
7:43 am
someone seriously needs to send this guy to /b/ and watch what happens.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
8:20 pm
Alright…Well here I go:
You’re are an extremely ill informed writer, Mr. Billings. You claim that the site is promoting unemployment in America. However, the site’s top readers (and the reason the site was created) are office workers. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but to work in an office you must have some sort of college degree. Thus, the site’s fan basis is a)employed, b)educated, and c)wittier than you shall ever be. You claim that it dilutes the minds of teens and disconnects them from reality, by writing articles that very obviously are useless in real life scenarios. Unless you are a mentally challenged infant, you would know that articles like “How to Form Your Own Cult”, “How to Make a Good First Impression at an Orgy” and “So You’ve Been Challenged to a Duel” are obviously just for fun. Furthermore, I am of the strongest opinion that the reasons you find it unfunny is that you are a moron. If you weren’t, you would know that one of the biggest reasons the internet was created was for PORN. In addition, you claim that the writers are a bunch of idiots. At least they don’t make ridiculous articles (that are meant to honestly inform and teach, and not be a joke) about how the Golden Girls make men gay, and how to “Spot a Masturbator”. Who on God’s green Earth wants or needs to know how to do that? You sir, are a painfully idiotic man.
P.S. You are extremely close minded and a terrible example of what a Christian should be.
P.P.S. I am a Christian.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
0
8:01 pm
guys, this is a satirical website
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2