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How To Spot A Masturbator
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Masturbation is a serious issue facing families today but most parents are just too embarrassed to talk about it with their teens. Heed Colossians 3:5: “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” If the sins of lust, covetousness, immoral thoughts, and pornography are forsaken and overcome, teen masturbation is a small offense that can be dealt with in the privacy of your own home. But when this self-indulgent practice becomes an addiction, it poses genuine health and spiritual risks, and also threatens workplace safety and the overall productivity of our economy.
It is vital for parents to personally prepare their teens for puberty. This can be an overwhelming and frightening time for children. Their bodies change in painful and unexpected ways. Leviticus 22:4 states, “If a descendant of Aaron has an infectious skin disease or a bodily discharge, he may not eat the sacred offerings until he is cleansed. He will also be unclean if he touches something defiled by a corpse or by anyone who has an emission of semen.” The danger this passage suggests has been proven by contemporary medical science, not just with the spread of STDs, but also because masturbation is directly connected to yeast infections in women and prostate cancer in young men (see “Masturbation May Cause Cancer”). In extreme cases, it has been known to lead to such dire scenarios as retarded ejaculation, urethral trauma and penile fracture.
“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so he put him to death also.” –Genesis 38:9-10
For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused. It has a steamrolling effect, encouraging individuals to think more about sex and less about their work at hand. The connection to workplace safety is evident, particularly with men operating heavy machinery or dangerous equipment. These are the very sorts of people who need to be completely focused and when their distractions and fatigues take over, the productivity of our workplaces suffers. In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.
Despite the warnings of doctors and religious scholars, masturbation still remains very popular in America. As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies. These people become less active in their communities and begin to see themselves as sexual predators whose sole purpose is to climax at the end of the night. Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage. Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.
LOVING VIGILANCE: WHAT TO LOOK FOR
To help turn the tide on this crisis, it’s important for parents and work supervisors to be able to spot a chronic or even just a casual masturbator in their midst. Maternal wisdom has long stated that oversleeping, locked doors, avoiding eye contact, messy beds, fear of clean underwear, long steamy showers and a pungent bleach-like odor on one’s bedsheets are all red flags of masturbation invasion. One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear. The internet also makes it much easier for parents to identify a child’s masturbation habits. For health and safety, every adult should read the article “Protecting Our Children” from Christian Assemblies International about monitoring your kid’s web browsing history. Another helpful suggestion is to avoid laptops and keep the family computer in a public space like the TV room where web surfing can be watched closely. For a good discussion on the topic, read Amber Cooper’s article, “Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate?”
Do Some People Have an Instinct For Spotting Masturbators?
There are people who claim they can identify a masturbator with one glance. It’s not magic, but solid human observation. Up to a half an hour after the act, the perpetrator’s face has several telltale signs. Facial muscles are far more relaxed than they normally are, minimizing the depth of creases and fine lines. On the other hand, the flesh of the cheeks and forehead is puffy and pink, flush with heightened circulation. There is evidence of fatigue everywhere, from a low hanging jaw to glassy eyes. This is compounded by a general guilt or nervousness as seen in the eyes and posture. It is the apparent contradiction of these characteristics– physically relaxed but psychologically bubbling with a shameful secret– that is the greatest indicator that someone has just masturbated.
The images below will help you spot the masturbators in your daily life. The first is a simple display of the most common post-ejaculative face types. These boys can be first-time offenders and admonished privately by their parents in the privacy of the home.
The graph below is a detailed exploration of the habits and appearances of the addicted self-abuser. This young man is putting his future at risk by devoting more time to masturbation than to looking for employment, socializing within his community and preparing himself for marriage. If pushed, he will lie, cheat and steal to support his habit. Many college students fall victim to this lifestyle.
Exhibits A & B: Can you spot what makes a masturbator in these famous faces?
http://www.howtostopmasturbating.com/
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9:56 am
oh dear gos this is hillarious. i have NEVER seen anything this funny.
btw if anyone think it’s too long to read it all here’s the short version:
“haveing never had any sexual expirience i don’t understand any of it and is therefor very scared of it. because i’m scared of it must be evil. very evil.”
now time to coment on a few of the gems in this text
“One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.”
and if this is not followed by said kid getting a restraing order against you you have far bigger isues at hand. well that or calling some kind of social services to get you removed from their life.
“. If pushed, he will lie, cheat and steal to support his habit. Many college students fall victim to this lifestyle.”
lie? sure most people would lie if asked if they were masturbating. cheat….cheat who with what? steal…. what in the world would you ever need to steal to masturbate?
your picture evidence proves nothing more than that you have no concept of what personal style is.
also here’s a far better method to find out: is the person you are looking at above the age of 12? then most likely they are masturbating. are they above 15? then it’s 99%. it’s that fucking simple.
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2:58 am
J: this is a perfectly appropriate thing for a mother to do, particularly when changing her son’s bed sheets. This is something mothers do and in fact, mothers are more aware of this sort of thing than you’re probably aware. Toilet tissue, dirty towels… Mothers know what their sons are up to! Sorry to break the news to you.
As for the distances children will go to masturbate, well… that is thorny and I don’t feel comfortable going into details but of course addicts are going to do all sorts of things to enjoy themselves. They physically get addicted to the endorphines released by ejaculation. They will lie to their mothers what they’re doing in the bathroom, they will steal pornography…. There are plenty of examples in criminal law.
Thank you for the questions! God bless.
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4:14 am
corection. it’s what disturbed people do.
btw on that same note… kids know where you fide your sex toys. maybe not a big isue for the lonely childless guy who’s never been married(and is therefor a sinner) but i’m just saying.
and as i said…. why the fuck would you EVER tell if you are masturbating. looking down on people for lieing about that says a far lot more about you than them. specificly that you have a seick intrest in other peoples sex lives…maybe because you don’t have one yourself(that you don’t deny)
and steal porn? heard of the internet dumbass? or wait ever heard of masturbating without porn? seriously this is so far out and stupid i don’t know what to tell you.
further down you claim you have done reasearch… show me the research that proves that penny and matt do not masturbate. show me that witch proves that the picture with “signs” or real. and maybe you should actually understand the research you do.
yes there’s a risk with masturbating. there’s allso a risk going to curch. you could get hit by a bus on your way to church ergo going to church is dangerous.
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1:57 pm
“this is a perfectly appropriate thing for a mother to do, particularly when changing her son’s bed sheets.”
If a boy is old enough to be masturbating he’s old enough to be changing his bed sheets.
“This is something mothers do and in fact, mothers are more aware of this sort of thing than you’re probably aware. Toilet tissue, dirty towels… Mothers know what their sons are up to!”
The only mothers who do that are the conservative Christian hardasses who refuse to accept the fact that masturbation is normal and healthy, especially in the teen years. What’s sad and disgusting is that those mothers are more willing to poke, prod, and sniff their son’s personal belongings to find semen than they are to simply accept the fact that their son is masturbating.
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1:59 pm
Claire, just because you may have been caught yourself is no reason to take out your anger on all of Christendom.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:12 pm
I’ve never been caught masturbating, nor have I ever left evidence. And even if I were to get caught or my parents started suspecting, they wouldn’t give a flying fuck. My parents are highly liberal, after all, and they’re understanding and accepting of the changes that teenage bodies go through and the urges that come with those changes. My parents would just keep the information to themselves so as not to embarrass me. They already know that I’m not having sex, so I’m sure that they’d be fine with the knowledge that the way I avoid sex is by self-pleasure. After all, you can’t get pregnant or get STDs through masturbation.
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4:59 pm
the ship has sailed; you’re still on the dock. i hope you & all of your buddies enjoy being isolated & ashamed of yourselves. the rest of us rational folk will be enjoying healthy lives without judging people or prying into their personal habits. i should hope that if i ever have a son, he won’t be made to feel ashamed of his body by adults who can’t put away their prejudices.
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11:24 am
Sniffing the mattress and saying it smells like semen when it doesn’t is lying.
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5:41 pm
Dear Stephenson,
Please Die.
—JD
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10:01 pm
Stephenson, just curious, but how often do you discipline your monkey? You look an awful lot like that slacker dude in the photo. And, from the fatigue I see in your face, you must be chronic crank yanker!!! Dang Dude!! Give it a rest.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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2:15 am
Teach me your ways, oh master troll.
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6:51 pm
what doctor are you listening do it has been proven that if you masturbate everyonce in a while its healthy its only the addict thats in danger now if you dont masturbate say once every three months(this is for guys)you run a much higher risk of getting blueballs(a very painful ailment
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12:37 pm
troll is a good troll
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10:53 pm
He’s right Claire! Fuck you!!
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12:08 am
you are not alone steve!
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4:38 pm
Ahahaha, love it. I want that on a t-shirt.
As for the rest of you: JESUS! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS WHOLE WEBSITE IS SATIRICAL. Eh, never mind. Your flailing and righteous indignation is contributing to my amusement. Carry on!
(great work, SB! Hysterical as always)
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6:07 am
I realize it’s satirical, but I enjoy trolling trolls.
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8:16 am
OMG Deb i’m totally with you….its satyrical, hilarious and for people who arent complete freaks its just a bit of fun….i mean what kind of person could ever think that anything you can read here was ever meant to be taken seriously. If you have a bit of a read of 20 ways to catch homosexuality youll know what i mean…its so ridiculously funny i nearly peed myself reading it
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4:16 pm
my faith in the human race is not that strong.
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12:58 am
Stephenson Billings, I speak for the rest of the human race when I’m politely asking you to kill yourself. This will better our species and the world as a whole. fuck you.
your politely,
~Ryan
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2:55 pm
I am concerned by the daft people that so not like the wonderful efforts of the author. I am a massive fan of stand up comedy. I have quite honestly never read or heard anything so funny as this. I can’t wait to read more. This is fabulous stuff… One person said he wishes the author would kill himself… That would be horrible. You would be taking this away from the world. He should be encouraged to actually go into stand up. Brilliant. Many thanks. Where can I subscribe?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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5:38 pm
I am with you, Ryan, I make an oath to Jesus Christ my Savior that if I ever find the heretic Steven Billings (if that is his real name) that I will kill him for his sins and crimes against God. I know this is a parody site, but that essentially makes it more evil. Billings, this is the modern age. I can find you. You WILL come out with the truth about how you really don’t believe in God and want to push people away from Christianity or I WILL kill you.Three options,
1. Truth
2. Suicide
3. Murder
Two scenarios you will die, one you will live. Your choice mister Billings.
(I am aware that it is a sin to kill)
( I Believe it would be more of a sin to let this man live.)
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1:43 am
Masturbation has been scientifically proven to relieve stress, lower blood pressure, relieve pain by causing the release of endorfants, and potentially prolonging life. So suck it, I mean stroke it Billings!
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7:29 am
I got it! you’re tjat guy from donnie darko! that child molesting motivational speaker!! spitting image…
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9:33 pm
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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8:14 pm
Good sir, you are a genius. I laughed for a solid minute.
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2:41 am
I laughed for three hours
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5:25 pm
Stephenson!
Did you get parenting tips from Carrie’s mother? What mother would press their nose against their son’s mattress to smell if they have masturbated? It’s a known fact that young men going through puberty masturbate…ALOT! Probably their fathers masturbate too. We are human and humans are sexual. Who cheats and steals because they masturbate? That is ridiculous! Clearly, you are scared of S-E-X.
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12:37 am
It takes someone to write what you did, which means mummy caught you fiddlin’ it and stealing pornography, isn’t that right Billings?
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11:45 pm
First off, what’s so bad about masturbation? It releves stress, it allows you to explore how your body works, it will help prevent premature ejaculation when having sex, it’s just good practice, and it simply feels good! It’s only socially unacceptable because the bible says it’s wrong, and a lot of christian ideology has been woven and melted into american culture.
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2:44 am
I don’t remember the bible saying anything about it
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12:36 am
dirty hair, unkempt, angry expression… yep, Stephenson Billings is obviously a chronic masturbator. I hope your mom still doesn’t smell your sheets you sick fuck.
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5:01 pm
I can spot all those Masturbators. Do you know how? I just check to see if they’re breathing and between the ages of 17 and 71. If they’re alive and past puberty, they’re a Masturbator.
You’re a Masturbator yourself and you know it. You’re just too uptight to admit it.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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5:43 am
Who the hell needs to steal porn? You can find it on the internet no problem. Or on the TV. Or, really, ANYWHERE. Seriously. Not that fucking difficult.
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4:05 am
what a flaming load of horsehit. this is just like every other lie perpetuated by that pack of hypocrisy and self-righteous shit that the Holey Babble blathers incessantly about.
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7:20 pm
Of course kids will lie about it, because of douchebag, narrowminded fools like yourself in society telling them it’s wrong.
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5:20 pm
your stupid!
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5:54 am
god loves hussies and three legged turtles
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11:47 am
Do you not realize, Mr. Billings, that merely for you to have written this article, according to your own definition, is sinful? YOU are doing nothing for hours at a time EXCEPT thinking about these things, obviously, or you would not be so worried about it! Your premise is hypocritical at best, and total lies about medical advice at worst. Doctors most definitely do NOT “warn” against masturbation… it is especially a healthy outlet for teens (who have no business experimenting with sex in more real settings yet). You are dangerous, sir. I fear there are people who will believe yours to be a voice of authority… which it most certainly is not.
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10:25 pm
I can’t even believe you are on the internet. And you pose as a “christian camp leader”? That is just wrong. If I ever had children I would never, ever, ever let them anywhere near you. You have what seems to be obsession with sex. Pointing a finger at others only shows others it is YOU who is guilty. “Before helping others get a splinter out of there eye, remove the plank from your own.”
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9:58 pm
It’s tragic that Dr. Billings’ own comment on his own article has been “hidden due to low comment rating.” How does our Church combat the unholy scourage on our holy site?
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9:42 am
Narrow minded Fail…
You guys need to look in the mirror.
Masturbation should be the least of the churches worries….the hushed up molesting and the child raping needs sorting out first.
Expand you mind people – If you dont see god in all, you don’t see god at all.
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12:30 pm
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4:10 pm
Well, there’s nothing more to say…ah yes there is… If internet existed in early centuries of our time, I guess this is the type of articles that would have been published. Luckily for us we are in 2010 and things have moved on for us … ah No sorry not for everyone… Pity
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9:01 am
Hmm. Clicking mr Billings name at the start of the article takes you to his facebook page.
Quote from said page- “Special Leader of Christian Camping Trips for Hearty Teens!”
Plus another interesting entry under his likes and interests, specifically the music and activities section- Prussian Blue.
Hmm Prussian Blue? Arent they the number one fap materiel for extreme rightwing fascist’s? Pedobear approved no less.
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4:52 pm
You know, kids without an independent source of income have to get their Jergens from somewhere. bwahahaha!!
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10:50 pm
This guy has a P.H.D. in trolling, I can learn shit from this dude!
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1:28 am
Is this website ment for satirical purposes? Like you guy can’t be serious. If blog is fake than it is the most brilliant shit evar!! If It’s not fake, then it’s still brilliant because of the amount of craziness that exists on this page. Knowing that people can be bat shit nuts is like Art in motion.
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6:14 am
This is a truthful question but is this site a oke it has to be it cannot be real i am outraged at such hate and pathetic clips i am a christian and to who ever wrote this rubbish he who is without sin throw the first stone jesus did not condemn the prostitute he said tio the crowd he without sin but on this site its like the writer thinks he is god forgive people love people do not fear monger especially youngsters and as for the masturbation bit i could bet you all the money in the world the man who wrote this has and prob does masturbate or maybe he should as he is going insane its pathetic to any teenager reading you are normal and fine ignore thids evil god loves you and you are ok this is evil using tips on finding a masturbator well i have tips for finding a loonatic and its you who wrote these post to anyone who causes my little ones to fall away is the word for you as teenagers have a tough time as it is you should be loving them not condeming tem i am ashamed that you call your self a christian you are an anti christ and a pharasee
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7:44 am
Young Man, you lack of punctuation seems to be the only unforgivable thing on this site. Well, that and your incoherent grammar and awful spelling. It is Self-Proclaimed “Christians” like you that make the rest of us look like uneducated Red-necks. Before you decide to call yourself a Christian again, and quote one of the most “popular” Bible verses of the unbelievers to us, please actually accept Jesus into your heart and read the entire Bible. God Bless you for trying though. I will pray for you.
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11:16 am
This is the most ridiculous thing I have EVER read. EVER. Like seriously. Trust me, I’m sure Matt Damon masturbates just as much as Russell Brand, if not more.
It is a piece of cake to hide if you masturbate. People who masturbate don’t walk around with the retarded expressions shown above. They look like totally normal people. Sarah Palin has masturbated. I would bet my house on it.
And the stereotypical picture of a chronic masturbator? Like REALLY! I masturbate all the time. I don’t look like that at all. I’m pretty sure that I submitted a picture of myself I would look just like your typical little church going girl.
Get a grip. This article is an absolute lie.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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9:56 pm
How is that possible that u don’t realise that the whole site is just for laugh?U R pathetic!
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11:14 am
It is clear that you don’t understand the true purpose of this site: ie a way to enable god-fearing parents to do the best to raise their youngsters in the way of the Lord. In this case it is absolutely our duty to protect the young from the self-defilement of this unspeakable act and teach them that self control is Jesus’s way.
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5:12 pm
Masturbation is an abomination, but even worse than masturbation, God HATES when the seed is spilled onto the floor. For those who who choose to laugh divine judgment in the face and and partake in the choking of the Satanic chicken, you are urged to take all precautions to NEVER let it spill to the floor. It’s worse than a thousand abortions.
And mothers, sometimes sniffing sheets, and other clothes isn’t enough. Get a blacklight, darken the room and prepare yourself for the horror show of masturbatory atrocities that you may see. But most of all, CHECK THE FLOORS! God forbid the seed is falling to the floor because it is a big big sin according to Leviticus. If there’s no controlling the wanton wild masturbatory sinfest, then at least invest in a plastic bubble such as is used for those with immunity disorders like the boy in the bubble and place it over the offenders bed so there is no possibility that God’s wrath will come as the result of some Satan inspired eruption that lands on the floor. How many babies die because of masturbation? Millions and it makes the Lord furious. This is a serious issue, far more of our children are being killed by the masturbation industry than even the abortion industry. Stop the slaughter of God’s creation through self-abuse. We need to start protesting the masturbators until they quit killing God’s babies.
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8:27 pm
Why when it goes on the floor? Why not when it goes on the walls, or on your stomach? Also, the whole “millions of babies die” thing is a load of bull. When you have sex, you release hundreds of millions of sperm, but no-one’s ever had three hundred million children. Therefore, you are a derp and a faggoteer.
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1:33 pm
“Masturbation is a serious issue”
No, it’s not.
“Heed Colossians 3:5: “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.””
I’m pretty sure that stuffing yourself full of chocolate ice cream and two cheeseburgers falls under that category. Hypocrite.
“For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused.”
It energizes me.
“In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.”
Source?
“many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.”
You have no right to lecture others about marriage.
“One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.””
Not only is that absolutely disgusting, but it’s a total invasion of privacy.
This whole article is bullshit. There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. Many teens find masturbation as a way to release their sexual tension without having sex. What would you rather have, a teenage boy playing with himself under the sheets every other night or him getting his teenage girlfriend pregnant?
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3:01 am
Claire, you’re not fooling anyone with your high rhetoric. I would honestly appreciate it if you took some of what I’ve written here to heart. It could be helpful. Many therapists I’ve spoken with have suggested that young people keep a journal and mark off how many days they can go without pleasuring yourself. Try to set your own record! And then try to break your record! It could be fun!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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9:40 am
You said it could be “fun” to mark your own record and try and break it.
You realize the article you wrote is against masturbation, right? How do you support it and give suggestions to other people about it when you just say you hate it?
Hypocrite.
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2:05 pm
Okay, I’ll see how many days I can go without pleasuring myself if you see how many days you can go without stuffing your face with food. Gluttony, after all, is just as much a sin as masturbation is.
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2:08 pm
Eating a hearty meal is not a sin. You really should stop riding me Claire! I am getting sore.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:16 pm
LOL. Billings, you will never be right with whatever you say. Making fun of you is a pleasure I’m glad that I have. And Claire is awesome and in every way better than you.
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2:26 pm
“Eating a hearty meal is not a sin.”
Two cheeseburgers for one meal = eating in excess = gluttony = sin
“You really should stop riding me Claire! I am getting sore.”
Perhaps you should stop “riding” homosexuals, Betty White, masturbators, and people who prefer arts over sports. I can see that you don’t like the taste of your own medicine.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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7:56 pm
Stephenson, once again I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking valuable time out from your busy schedule to educate us about this issue, which unfortunately it would appear some of the unsaved are not taking as seriously as they should. It has become obvious to me as I browse the internet that a large proportion of it is made up of explicitly pornographic images and films to cater to the whims and fetishes of all sorts of masturbators and that there is, in fact, a huge industry catering to those poor people who are addicted to such pleasures of the flesh.
It saddens me that there are even people on this site who disregard your sage advice and I shall be praying for their salvation and that they stop this unnatural and heinous practice before they have due cause to regret it.
Truly masturbation can become an addiction unless it is taken in hand and dealt with early enough.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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8:01 pm
This is ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. Everyone does it. I’d be surprised if Billings wasn’t just a troll pretending not too. If not, you are repressed and should seek help. Live in this world, loco.
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8:03 pm
Blessings on you, Father! Did you know “porn” is the biggest search word on Google? The great thing is that many Christian groups are leading the effort to fight porn addiction and it’s having the effect of drawing many people back to church. It’s always good to know that you can discuss issues like this with a doctor, but sometimes a pastor is better equipped to deal with the corruption of the soul that masturbation causes. I urge anyone who is suffering to talk to your pastor about masturbation. It can truly save you.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:23 am
As Reverend Dan say:
“Truly masturbation can become an addiction unless it is taken in hand and dealt with early enough.”
Yes taken in hand, before you jizz in your pants
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
132 
4
11:00 am
oh really “porn” is the most heavily searched term. wow i didn’t know that… maybe because it’s an absolute lie (a sin mind you). But then again i don’t have any evidence to prove otherwise
oh wait
i do
http://www.google.com/trends?q=porn,+the,+and,+youtube&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all&sort=0
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
113 
3
11:28 pm
Wow. This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. The author is a moron. There are so many proven benefits of masturbating, like one person mentioned, such as lowered blood pressure, lower stress, lower chance of heart attack. And what you said about masturbation increasing the chance of prostate cancer is a flat out lie. Masturbating actually significantly lowers the likelihood of prostate cancer. Sir, you need to do your homework before you start spouting this religious mumbo-jumbo about how bad masturbation is. Its actually quite healthy. And that’s a scientific fact, not your religious “maybes”
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
2
12:44 am
The best part is that he is making sexual innuendos…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
28 
1
6:42 am
hello closed minded man!!!
curlBtrivia is right in showing a good trend that also shows the following
1) the irish are the biggest bunch of wankers in the ways of googleing porn A VERY HIGH PERCENTAGE OF IRELAND IS CATHOLIC/PRODISTANT which to me shows a country of high religion still beat the monkey!!!
2) england is number 2 in the world! which is awsome as im from there,
http://women.webmd.com/features/5-things-you-didnt-know-about-masturbation
these views are off the US server not the UK! which shows its healthy
http://men.webmd.com/features/masturbation-5-things-you-didnt-know
ok again off the US site stating if u basicly wank to much ull loose intrest, depends on the person again but it does tell you guys some good info!!! all science based not what ever these guys are i would say christians but im afraid christians are open minded as our muslims so id say these guys are more on the nazi front.
also reading alot of the comments i do find this website OVERLY AMUSING and sticking to the good ol’ US STEREO TYPE
LOVE
a married wanker.. litterly
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
7:39 am
Hey, billings, check out how many likes your post have gotten
oh wait, that’s right! You hardly have any.
People obviously disagree with your opinion so why don’t you just give up already?
How does other people masturbating effect you?
If somebody masturbates do you have a beeper that goes off? Stay out of
other peoples business and we’ll stay out of yours.
I’m Christian and I disagree with just about everything you have said above.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
94 
5
5:01 am
Please, all the people asking the author of this article to stop writing similar things are complete misguided. The guy makes me laugh non-stop. We should encourage him to continue, I beg you.
Praise or Condemn:
9 
1
1:10 pm
you sir are what is wrong with religion….you are a fat retarded virgin and i want to skull fuck your mother and lick her cunt!
Hot debate. What do you think?
51 
35
6:45 am
“Many therapists I’ve spoken with have suggested that young people keep a journal and mark off how many days they can go without pleasuring yourself. Try to set your own record! And then try to break your record! It could be fun!”
Just to spite you Stephen, I’m going to keep a journal and mark off how many times I masturbate in a day. This is at least once every day, sometimes twice, rarely (but sometimes) 3 or more times. I will be sure to keep track of my record and try and beat it through profuse downloading of internet porn followed by repetetive masturbation.
Regards,
Matt
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
52 
2
8:37 pm
This is a brilliant idea.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:28 am
Ok this is stupid!!! I was raised in church and still go most every week. I am 22 Married and have 2 beautiful
kids (one of each). I love my God and read my bible, and I know for a fact that my husband masterbates on occation
as do I. I say, better he masterbate when I am NOT in the MOOD than go loking for SEX somewhere else!!!
I mean r you really saying that masterbation is bad? what world were you born in??? Masterbation IS a normal thing
like another comment said, You cannot get STD’s from masterbating. well you can if you masterbating in a group
and using toys and shareing the toys with everyone in the group…Seirously!!!! COME ON!!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
2
12:41 am
Ah, so you have discussed masturbation with your therapists? Glad to know you are willing to attempt to fix your own problem.
Wait a tick, did you talk to your therapists about boys masturbating and tying them up??
I have one word for you: PEDOPHILE!
Praise or Condemn:
13 
3
9:45 pm
i’ll sum up everything i have to say about you in a quote from yourself; “you’re not fooling anyone with your high rhetoric.”
Praise or Condemn:
12 
0
6:51 am
This has got to be the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. If I ever caught my wife sniffing my sons sheets I’d pack her off to the cracker factory. What in the fuck is up with this? Is it for real or is this whole site a fucking front for comedy central? If this truly is satirical, please come work for me! If not, just fucking forget I exist, you’re as crazy as a shithouse rat! Just how in the hell does whacking off lead to a life of crime? I never heard of anyone doing time for robbing the ky truck. Holy shit, this is too fucking funny! I think I’ll go rub one out just for the hell of it, after I piss my pants laughing.
Praise or Condemn:
13 
2
7:15 pm
you need to open your eyes up to reality. why would go make us in his image, and make us in the physical, want us to be happy but not want us to do the very things that will make us happiest. you have alot of issues to work through and i pray for you.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
2
7:16 pm
you need to open your eyes up to reality. why would god make us in his image, and make us in the physical, want us to be happy but not want us to do the very things that will make us happiest. you have alot of issues to work through and i pray for you.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
5:29 pm
your really stupid
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:09 pm
sign 1: they wear a cross necklace around their neck.
Sign 2: they say they don’t masturbate.
Sign 3: they tell you not to masturbate
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
236 
3
3:20 pm
ish sorry Billings but I also masturbate ( like every fucking people In this world and I don’t look like the guys with red glasses sure I wears Glasses but it’s for My near sighted problem
I shave and wash regularly and I am actually decent manner for a lot of people I never cheat or steal (well sometimes I lie like everyone else)
Oh by the way Billings I’m sure you are the Number One Master masturbator ?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
86 
7
3:02 am
I understand your dilemma my friend. Here’s a great resource for you and good luck!
http://www.howtostopmasturbating.com/
Hot debate. What do you think?
17 
156
5:41 am
Jesus Christ, you are really living in your own bubble, aren’t you?!
Don’t you understand your behaviour and ‘insights’ are damaging the last bit of respect people can muster for conservative Christians these days?
Your ignorance is appalling!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
42 
4
5:12 pm
look for person who looks exactly like billings. Now thats a wanker.
now the only reason he see’s himself not a wanker, Its time to play with uncle Steve girls and boys
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
3:32 pm
and it’s time to play “use billings own stupid methods against him”
now just as billings have posted 2 pictures and used them to comment on how they look and made some weird corelation about that would have something to do with them masturbating you should do something alike. i will start by posting a picture that shows how you will look if you are christian and if you are not. LET’S PLAY!!!
okay here we have hot girl not beliveing in god and obvously haveing a sense of humour
and here we hav- OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT!!! GET IT AWAY.
yeah this is what christianity will turn you into.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
184 
10
7:19 pm
A gay zombie?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
61 
7
10:14 pm
Lol a Gay zombie funny
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
52 
6
1:29 pm
gay zombie….. IT’S ZOMBIE JESUS!!! WE FOUND HIM!!!!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
77 
7
9:08 am
Oh wow! She’s hot!
I’m masturbating to her picture.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
117 
1
7:36 pm
Remember that ChristWire is helping our urban ministry sell ex masturbatory tshirts.
Ex Masturbatory tshirts
Hot debate. What do you think?
15 
150
12:12 pm
And also giving lessons for those who’d like to learn to do it correctly.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
82 
6
11:11 pm
Buy our anti-masturbatory shirts! Moneys!! We needs it!!!!!! FEEEED MEE
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
50 
4
7:16 am
oh my god. that is hillarious. I want to buy your stupid/awesome ex-masturbator shirt. do you have any idea how many people would NOT take that seriously? plus it gives me a chance to tell this story and make fun of you.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
29 
2
4:09 pm
LOLOLOLOLOL EX-MASTURBATOR?? That’s amazing. Seriously, amazing. I would totally wear that shirt.
Btw, “EX-VIRGIN”?? That makes no sense.
Praise or Condemn:
20 
1
3:09 pm
LOL….i used to masturbate, but all i got was this cum-stained t-shirt!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
45 
0
7:51 pm
Why is your picture there one of those weird yearbook photo things from like 4 years ago?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:03 am
I spent 3 hours the other day with an “oversized sexual aid” and, all of a sudden, hair began growing from my palms, and I went blind!
Oh, if only I had repented my evil, lustful ways. Alas.
Ah well. Time for porn!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
138 
6
3:04 am
It’s not really appropriate to make jokes here, sorry.
Hot debate. What do you think?
11 
187
8:27 am
guess what i’m doing right now
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
122 
4
8:45 am
Why not?
This ENTIRE SITE is a joke.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
143 
7
11:04 am
Yeah… This is a joke right?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
45 
8
7:51 pm
thanks for reminding masterbation is the reason we have wars …..
ohh no thats right most of the wars in the world today and through
history is because of religion . half of you so called christions are child molestors , porn freaks ,theives and you hide behind your faith get a life and leave us normal people to a normal life
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
82 
6
10:55 pm
Its also not appropriate to be a hateful , judgmental,worthless human being,…but you have no problem doing it.People like you are the root of everything thats wrong in this world.I am having a hard time believing this website is even real.I feel sorry for you,truly
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
32 
5
2:28 pm
WOWOWOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CRAP IS ACTUALLY FOLLOWED AND BELIEVED BY PEOPLE !!! ?????? WHAT THE FUCK! WE LIVE IN 2010 AND THIS BULLSHIT IS STILL BEING SPREAD AROUND?!?!?!? WOWOWOWOW MASTURBATION IS COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NATURAL AND THOSE OF YOU THAT BELIEVE ITS EVIL ARE FRIGGIN IDIOTS IM SORRY BUT YOU ARE!!! MUTUAL MASTURBATION IS A GREAT THING TO DO WITH YOUR LOVER AS IT CAN HELP YOU TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHERS BODIES BETTER!!! SEX IS BEAUTIFUL AND THE HUMAN NAKED FORM IS ALSO BEAUTIFUL… AT LEAST THOSE OF US THAT MASTURBATE AND BELIEVE IN THIS EVIL ARENT LIKE YOUR GODDAMNED PRIESTS THAT LIKE TO MOLEST AND RAPE LITTLE FUCKING BOYS ASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SICKOS AND PERVS UR PRIESTS ARE BUT WE ARE THE FUCKED UP ONES???? WTF!! LMFAO
Praise or Condemn:
5 
5
8:59 am
oh you know whats a joke?? GOD AND YOUR CUM GUZZLING RELIGION
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
7:38 pm
Why isn’t it? Your articles are hilarious. That’s not considered making a joke? It must be because nothing you have said is based on facts….FACTS!!! That’s what makes people believers…facts. Got any? I don’t mean the kind you’ve BEEN spewing out, but rather ones you can back up. No? Huh…imagine that.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
3:14 pm
lol, if it’s not appropriate to make jokes you should stop posting these articles
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
6:54 am
Hey Leslie,
You sound like a hot chick with a big dildo. Want to have cybersex and masturbate together some time?
Praise or Condemn:
23 
6
12:20 am
Handcuffs can help. Parents should cuff masterbators to their beadposts and hang Bibles from the ceiling or play recodings of appropriate Biblical passages to reform these Godless heathens.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
90 
8
3:17 am
Well in the old days children would have their hands tied to bedposts with soft towels. It was not painful at all, but did limit any late night temptations but I don’t think parents would be willing to do that these days.
Hot debate. What do you think?
12 
158
6:40 pm
You know what I did today? I took a copy of that stupid book you are so fond of, rolled a bunch of pages up from Luke, and shoved it in my ass and whacked off while doing so. I chose Luke, because my last boyfriend was named Luke, and he had a huge cock.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
91 
6
8:06 pm
MEIN FUHRER! OUR INFORMATION IS INCORRECT! our national socialist allies in germany have uncovered that your research iz actually incorrect! ZE SOURCE, YOU TOOK IT TOO EARLY! ZE STUDIES, ZHEY WERE UNCONCLUSIVE! ZHEY… ZHEY WERE RESOLVED AS THIS! http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm MEIN FUHRER, WHAT DO WE DO? SHOULD WE BLATENTLY DISREGARD all EVIDENCE? OR SHOULD WE FALL BACK ON PUSSY BIBLE QUOTES?
DIRECT US! ZEIG HEIL!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
59 
6
9:52 am
Now now, don’t tease him, you know christians don’t believe in science.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
41 
1
10:57 pm
YOU SOUND LIKE A FRAK!YOU BELONG IN JAIL!TIE KIDS HANDS TO THERE BEDPOST.ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!!!F ING DISGUSTING
Hot debate. What do you think?
26 
4
7:19 am
dear stephen, i just want to say, i believe that you are a kiddie porn loving, masturbator child molestor.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
36 
2
9:55 am
Your correct Billings – they wouldn’t do that today because it is PURE CHILD ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
“For adults, masturbation exhausts.” – Sex in general exhausts one. Evidently you’ve never had any type of sex, or you would know this.
“The connection to workplace safety is evident, particularly with men operating heavy machinery or dangerous equipment.” Can you please post your link to this fact? Oh, wait, I know that’s a stupid question. You have no sources for crap you make up.
“In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.” Guess you’ve never held a real job. Major corporations have ‘spyware’ on their computers where they are able to track just what their employees are doing on the internet. I used to work for a small medical equipment supplier that even did this.
“Despite the warnings of doctors and religious scholars, masturbation still remains very popular in America. As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies.”
I don’t know of any doctors that state this – just the opposite. My husband has been prone to prostate problems for the last 5 years. His doctor back in IN told him frequent ejaculation would help. Even his Doctor at the Veterans Administration where we currently live has told him the same thing. I’ve seen this stated several times by several doctors on TV when discussing this.
As far as the second sentence goes, that is a good thing. Why?? Because you will know what your body is like. It helps one diagnose different medical issues that one may have. My Mother had a cancerous spot show up on her labia (do you know where that is Billings?). HER doctor told her that she should actually examine herself monthly (guess you can get the drift from that statement that my mother does not masturbate and since it was at a time when my father was still alive, they weren’t having regular sex).
“Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage.” Again, please state where you obtained these facts? I agree with the other person on here that stated that she prefer her husband to masturbate when she doesn’t feel like having sex instead of seeking out other women to have an affair with. I’m right there with you Sister!! Maybe if my first husband had done that more often, we may still be married. Also, I wouldn’t have contracted an STD that caused me to have to have a partial hysterectomy at the age of 28. No, instead he chose to have numerous sexual one night stands.
“Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.”
The first part of this is THE only statement in which you are correct, however it has nothing to do with the entire blog (I REFUSE to call you a journalist until you start doing actual research and gladly site your sources instead of making them up).
There is a HUGE difference between porn and a person that occasionally masturbates. One does not need to watch porn to masturbate, however, with that being said, there is such a thing as a porn addiction. Occasionally watching porn can help to spice up a married sex life. MANY psychologists will tell you that.
As far as the second part – well, that could be a good thing, after all our world is overpopulated as well. That may be a good measure of population control.
“Maternal wisdom has long stated that oversleeping, locked doors, avoiding eye contact, messy beds, fear of clean underwear, long steamy showers and a pungent bleach-like odor on one’s bedsheets are all red flags of masturbation invasion. One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” ”
You have got to be kidding me!!!! What a friggin joke!!! AND TRULY DISGUSTING!! I bet the ‘mothers’ that told you this probably sniff their underwear!!!
You also stated above that it was not ok to joke in regards to this. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE I HAVE EVER SEEN!! Please, Please, Please, Please go crawl back under the rock that you came out from under!!
You are such a self-righteous bigot that it just stupefies that you can exist anywhere. I bet you don’t even go out in the daylight for fear of contracting a disease from us ordinary people.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
32 
3
1:02 am
T Alenduff, you are awesome.
I don’t support masturbation, but i am not about to shout out at the top of my lungs (even though he is attempting to write satire) about binding a youth to a bed, and then claim that it’s “been done.” Sickness of the mind, that man has…
Praise or Condemn:
9 
2
1:07 am
PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE!
I think this is the best argument and the honest truth: Billings is a pedophile!
Praise or Condemn:
21 
1
8:43 pm
Your mental instability is frightening.
Hot debate. What do you think?
3 
28
9:48 pm
Billings, why do you keep doing this?
99% of the people who read your article are not here because they agree with you.
To most people, you come across as a psychotic religious nutcase with a severe disconnect from reality.
Your sources are contrived and clearly disregard any evidence that disagrees with you.
But seriously, you are not helping anyone become closer to god, the people who already agree with you will praise you, (like the reverend)and the people you are trying to save, the “sinners”, the masterbators, those who are “doomed to hell”, are only driven away by your pretentious nature. Instead of responding to people who disagree with you with rational retorts, you pass judgment upon them, you insult them, you commit the very sins you condemn them for, every time you have responded to a comment, you have “sinned”.
The scary part is, i think you are aware of exactly what you are doing.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
2
9:54 pm
Chico, this article has been helpful to many, but becuase of the internet a large groups has decided to spam this message board with their hate and nonsense. It is important for my composure and credibility to level the playing field so to speak with reason and faith. So yes, I do need to reply to some of the more insane posts on here. But I have heard privately from many parents that this article was truly helpful for dealing with troubled teens.
“He that speaketh truth sheweth forth righteousness: but a false witness deceit.”
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
33
10:18 pm
Glad to get a prompt response
anyways…
I want to try and keep this as professional as possible, please understand that I’m trying my hardest not to offend.
look man, your articles do come across as an illogical rant. For example your photo comparison, that’s the kind of stuff that is gonna get you in trouble with your readers. There’s no evidence to back up your claims.
For the first one, I will acknowledge that Snooki is a freak of nature, but what you say about Penny Nance Young? in your description it honestly sounds like you have a thing for her.”Flawless”, “perfect”, “intense”, to most people that is entering creeper territory. There is no information out there that gives any indication as to whether or not either of them masterbate.
In the second one, Brand has no reason to masturbate, women probably line up for him, the picture you chose was intentionally a bad one, and your readers can see you are attempting to put a spin on your article. In addition, judging by the fact that he was at some sort of premiere in that picture, I’m willing to bet that he had about half a dozen people working to give him that “i honestly don’t give a shit look”, that’s just his style, there is no reason to attribute it to masturbation, teenage girls think its cool.
*Also, if someone makes a post that’s intentionally trying to provoke you, such as typing Pedophile repeatedly or posting an obscene image, IGNORE it, you wont do anything by arguing with them. But, you need to take serious account of the kids who give “rational” responses, the ones that actually try to make an argument, dont just blow them off by saying “Claire, you’re not fooling anyone with your high rhetoric.” That very sentence is hypocritical.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
2
10:33 pm
I really don’t need the lecture, nor your advice. I lead my life very well and my faith and even my journalism reflects that. I find the tone of your comment unbecoming and rather arrogant. In actuality, I am likely 30 years your senior, so please show some respect.
“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” –Proverbs 29:17.
As for these children throwing all their vile anger and verbal threats at me, I am not dismayed and I will remain strong in my faith in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. All that doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. And despite all this spamming on here, our message at Christwire continues to reverberate across America. Do you not worry about the souls of our children?
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
28
10:58 pm
I apologize, I do not intend to come across as arrogant, I simply disagree with your views and offered what I viewed as constructive criticism.
but, whats wrong with my opinions just because I might be 30 years your younger? Age has nothing to do with the quality of an argument. In all seriousness, what respect should I have shown? I never used offensive language or tried to assert “superiority”, I gave what I viewed as rational critiques of your paper. Do you say I lack respect simply because i disagree with you?
look man, If you don’t like what I have to say, don’t take my advice, don’t make a big show about how you don’t need it.
Hot debate. What do you think?
27 
3
2:34 am
hey mr. billings… wanna tie me to the bed with a soft towel?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
7:42 pm
I don’t believe it would be LEGAL for parents to do that “these days”. :O
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:34 am
“Fore I was blind, but now I see”… a masturbator.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
42
1:25 am
…in the mirror.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
8
10:29 am
Woody, I pray that this hostility you feel will subside. I also pray for your soul and tiny, tiny penis.
“Dear Lord, please grant Wodrow the ability to satisfy his wife. My she no longer find comfort in the arms and loins of multiple long shoremen. May his 3 inch erections last longer than his 4 minute sex-act, followed by several hours of crying. May he find mercy in your forgiving touch. For this we pray.”
Amen.
Hot debate. What do you think?
23 
58
8:29 pm
Lol that was actually a really good comeback!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
29 
1
8:05 pm
“Woody, I pray that this hostility you feel will subside. I also pray for your soul and tiny, tiny penis.”
Five star comment. Would read again.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
2
11:56 am
While you may mean very well and have Godly intentions of helping families break free from the bondage of porn (which can have terrible consequences on families, adolescents and even single individuals), your views and comments are a terrible portrayal of the Christian view. Nothing you have said is based in fact, and you have not used biblical views to back up any of your statements.
If you are trying to be a Christian and lead others to Christ, I want to tell you that you are doing exactly the opposite. These types of condemning articles are precisely why people think that Christians are crazy and exclusive.
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1
Condemning those who indulge in sinful behavior (which is all of us, including Christians) does nothing and saves no one. Discouraging the behavior itself, while teaching (out of LOVE for humanity), can encourage a generation to make the right decisions.
Respectfully in Christ,
Amy
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
88 
10
2:57 pm
If you are in Christ Jesus, you’re striving to live a life that’s not riddled with sin. Porn is right up there with the biggest fornication and destruction of God’s temple that is your body, so patently, by accepting that sin over a lifestyle that respects Christ, you’re ensuring your soul a first class ticket to the lowest landing strips of hell.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
84
9:27 pm
Goddamn, I need to get laid…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
76 
2
10:02 pm
Here’s a tip:
Biblical verses DO NOT make good pick-up lines.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
73 
2
10:51 am
Thou shalt go on a date with mine wretched self or be damned to the pits of hell! (Now, if I could only find that blow up doll…)
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
2:49 pm
So I’m assuming you never sinned a day in your life. Never thought a woman was hot, never ate too much at one sitting, never ate pork, never did work on a Sunday, never said oh my God! etc….
If you would bother to read the whole Bible and not just the parts that fit with your weird interpretations, it says that being a Christian isn’t about being free of sin, it’s about recognizing your sin and saying sorry.
Durr!
Praise or Condemn:
19 
4
7:23 am
who are you to assume to position of God and say who and who does not have a one way ticket to hell? You are all retards. I bet God is sad at how many people you are turning away from him with this ridiculous article.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
4
1:56 pm
we were saved by grace, not by the ability to not masurbate.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
4
2:39 am
So adam you are without sin ?
wanting destroying entire country despicting female wanted to kill animals ( cats for exemple ) hating your neighbour for what they do judging Other people SHould I continue ??
you have more sins than all atheist combined
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
3:08 am
Amy, thank you for taking the time to comment but I disagree wholeheartedly with your discourteous approach to my journalism. I worked hard on this piece and researched it thoroughly. I feel very confident that it is in line with Biblical teaching. The Bible speaks often about masturbation and it is clearly not condoned. If you are here trying to promote that self-centered agenda, you are in the wrong place. It’s also a bad choice to encourage children to do this when you consider the real danger of cancer and infections. I think you should really read your Bible before making these claims. God bless!
Hot debate. What do you think?
8 
138
9:12 am
Everyone who believes Stevie is a journalist stand on your head.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
83 
3
1:02 am
Your journalism? This is not journalism. Journalism is unbiased and cites sources. Journalism is not using the words meant to spread love and peace to attack children exploring their body. What you are, sir, is an evil person. You are using centuries old texts to spread lies designed to make others feel bad and oppress the lives of people you have no right to be interfering with.
Masturbation is natural, healthy, and frankly pretty damn enjoyable. If you claim to have never masturbated in your entire life, you are a liar.
By the way, sex is also natural, healthy, and pretty damn enjoyable. Pre-marital sex is happening, will always happen, and there is nothing wrong with it. If you have kids, they did it. Sorry to burst your perfect little bubble.
Being gay is natural, it is not a choice, and it is not evil. It can not be ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’. Looking down upon people that are gay or denying them anything that straight people have is against EVERYTHING Christianity stands for.
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR, even if they’re a horrible person like yourself.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
78 
4
7:26 am
hopefully he doesn’t have kids. If so, they are probably fucked up beyond repair.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
0
7:11 pm
if you worked hard on this, and it is not a joke, then it is the saddest thing I have ever seen. This is a joke right?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
3
9:28 pm
I think you should keep writing this garbage. You make christians look as crazy as they really are. While most of you hide behind normal socially accepted values that you use to validate a crazy belief system, you show just how retarded all of you really are.
Go to Heaven, the real party is in Hell
Praise or Condemn:
25 
1
6:21 pm
I too am shocked that you used the words ‘my journalism’ with regards to this peice;
as I said it’s either satirical fiction or fundamentalist propaganda.
One is genius, the other odious and deceitful.
Which one of those guys lurks in a place like this?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
6:43 am
Ok dude, you said way up the top of the page (May 11, 2010 at 3:08 am) that masturbaton leads to INFECTIONS! and CANCER!
What the fuck dude, if your going to say that you may aswell say that sex leads to it too.
Fuck dude, pulling ya shaft or proding your pipe with ya hand it the same a having intercourse but without all the juices and foreplay.
Fuck man get over yourself, Get off your high horse, download some porn and have your very first wank and tell us all how much you enjoyed it, coz we all know you will.
Now dude this shit has got to stop, you are making me an innocent christen with his own ways look fucking bad, JESUS CHRIST DUDE.
Oh yeah by the way I have Tourette Syndrome, So does good look down on me and say that I’m not going to heaven because I swear, be rude to people and BY GOD MASTERBATE which by the way if you do some research you will see that it is a part of T.S.
BAHAHAHAHA CUNT FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING LIFE!!!
Praise or Condemn:
11 
2
1:39 am
I am still trying to figure out how Amy was being discourteous. She was, by far, the NICEST person about stating facts. You actually attacked this sweet Christian girl just for nicely saying, “No, I do not believe what you are saying is true…”
Billings, to you I say:
“Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch?” Luke 6:39
“He hath blinded their eyes, and he hardened their heart; Lest they should see with their eyes, and perceive with their heart…” John 12:40
“…that we may be no longer children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, in craftiness, after the wiles of error…” Ephesians 4:14
“Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but such as is good for edifying as the need may be, that it may give grace to them that hear. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, in whom ye were sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and railing, be put away from you, with all malice:
and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:29-32
Can a devil open the eyes of the blind?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
3:58 am
I seriously hope at this point that this is all a troll. You are seemingly unwilling to converse or come to any kind of compromise with even those who share your distorted view of reality. If there is a god even remotely close to your definition of it, then may Him have mercy on your soul!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:39 pm
One thing I will agree with you on, I am quite sure Matt Damon hasn’t had to masturbate in a long long time, I am sure he is quite content with all the women that are willing to suck and fuck him 24 hours a day.
I do want to say that Masturbation is bad for the environment, I think of all those trees that are cut down everyday to make tissue and toilet paper that end up being flushed down the toilet every day
Billings, you now have my sympathy, I fully understand why your brain works the way it does, for it is quite apparent that you have not shot your load in 30 years.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
65 
2
3:20 pm
@adam nelson
you and the author are complete idiots. masturbation and pornography are not the same thing. People masturbate plenty without it. You’ve done nothing more than make a freudian slip of sorts, revealing only that your own masturbation habits ritually include pornography.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
35 
4
12:24 pm
Well, the scary thing is that the more teens masturbate, the more the porn industry seeks to meet their needs. In essence, teen masturbation financially supports their worst traits and effects (prostitution, disease, sodomy, homosexuality) and parents are partly to blame if they do not enforce a code of self-control. When one masturbates, there are results.
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
98
1:36 pm
so does showing that you a christian. it results in relegious nutjobs like bíllings beliveing they have suport in the masterrace plan of genocide.
porn is an industry. there’s a demand because many find it enjoyable. no body is hurt when it comes to porn. it’s profesionals. sure you’d dislike being in a porn movie. i’d dislike being in a church. but that doesn’t mean every priest in the world is being scared by his job. they most likely enjoy their job. again i have to ask you why should people be denied a pleasure just because it’s not enjoyable for you…and why don’t it go both ways?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
5
1:42 pm
it’s because he’s a virgin jazze
Praise or Condemn:
25 
1
1:54 pm
Pornography truly hurts people. It lowers inhibitions and makes men much more likely to rape. For the poor women involved, many come to porn as prostitutes and leave as crack addicts. Young girls are tricked into the business and ruin any future they may have had as office workers. These women are not just pretty dolls, they are our mothers, our daughters, our sisters and our friends. How sad they must sell their bodies to dirty old men. I cannot fathom that you enjoy this sort of thing.
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
85
10:37 pm
Oh dear mr billings, do you not realize that the people who go into porn LOVE it?
They wouldn’t do what they do without consent, and before every shoot many have to prove identification and state that they are willing and consenting to do THEIR JOB.
I’ve known several ex-porn stars who are happy and not “crack addicts” they have good families and are healthy normal people.
You are NOT a journalist. You are a retarded inbred christian who takes every word the bible spouts out literally and then spits venomous lies to those who are too dumb to understand that the bible is a piece of shit and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Christianity was young and considered a nuisance like scientology today when the Romans were ruling. I think they had it right when they slaughtered the christians back then, then I wouldn’t have to listen to nutjobs like you who despite SO MUCH EVIDENCE can’t look past your own nose to see that we live in 2010 and there are no witch burnings, there are no heathens. We have the freedom to do and say what we want and so many people choose not to take any religion as their own, which is a trend I hope continues because without it there are just that many conflicts in the world resolved and gone.
Religion is for the weak. You are retarded.
Touch your dick for once in your measly life.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
45 
6
1:28 am
So its solely men’s fault for porn, women were just tricked into it because of their small inferior brains… I get it now.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
3
8:26 am
My husband and I love porn. And all this talk about masterbating, I think I may go do that now. And let my husband watch.
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3 
0
4:31 pm
well i forgot to mention that billings is after all a 50 year old virgin so it proves how sad he actually is and it shows he tries to hit on claire all the fucking time but on top of that he’s the biggest hypocrite i have ever seen on his facebook page it show’s that he watches all the things he hates and on top of that he is a fan of them so WTF?? billings your a bigot and a hypocrite at the end of the day.
Saying this as a joke claire so don’t take it seriously but i will take it seriously to bullshit billings I probably have more chance of getting laid with Claire than you even though i have never met her in my life
nothing personal claire don’t take it seriously I’m only supporting you 
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
27 
2
4:43 pm
dude a diseased goat have a better chance with any girl than billigs do… saying you have a better chance than billings with claire can’t posibly be insulting to her.
Praise or Condemn:
24 
1
5:24 pm
well it was stupid to say but i was only trying to prove a point really
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17 
2
7:21 pm
Everyone realizes this is a satirical website, right?
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19 
6
10:47 am
Uh, I dunno. These nut jobs seem pretty legit lol
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:16 pm
Uh-oh….LOOKS LIKE I’M GONNA GET CANCER!
what if i’m a GIRL who masturbates..?!?!?!
It helps me get through stressful days, and it’s just fucking fun!
Am I going to hell because I touch myself and I’m a g…g…gi..GIRL?!?!?!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
33 
1
2:48 am
It’s a valid question and I may save the answer for a future article.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
55
8:39 am
In the fundamentalist Christian world, girls don’t matter. They are apparently only, at their best, sniffing their teenaged sons’ sheets, or perhaps an “office worker.”
As for me and my Christian self, I’d better spend my time in prayer for my children, then spending it smelling my child’s sheets — especially when one realizes that boys will have perfectly normal nocturnal emissions that are not masturbatory in origin. Since this happens in their sleep, does this mean that God made a mistake when he put their developing plumbing together? I think not. And does the fact that 99%+ teenaged boys masturbate mean that they are all going to become rapists? Again, I think not. Your science is flawed, sir.
This entire article is a living, breathing example of the non-evolution of mankind.
Praise or Condemn:
10 
0
10:08 am
Tear it up August. You were made a certain way for a reason.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:31 pm
this is the funniest thing i have ever seen
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
0
1:56 am
This is very valuable information, i always thought the pungent smell from my son’s mattress was from the previous Guatemalan owners. However I now know it is the sinful stain of semen!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
3
12:25 pm
That doesn’t make any sense. Why would you buy a mattress in Guatamala?
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
54
8:42 pm
Because they live there. The internet exists around the world, not just in America. I’ve gotten on facebook in England, if you need an example.
Praise or Condemn:
26 
2
8:42 am
Because Guatemalans can live wherever they want, so long as they are from Guatemala originally. (This is the part which makes them Guatemalan.)
Praise or Condemn:
14 
1
1:37 pm
Wow, I’ve been trolling for less than a year on this site and I already have an imitator. *insert SSB ‘new record’ announcement here*
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
10:10 am
Yes, my son was of a darker complexion lol
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
1:04 am
“One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.””
Not only is that absolutely disgusting, but it’s a total invasion of privacy.
Fuckin’ lol’d… you guys seriously need to do some research. Everything you say are total lies… oh, and guess what. I’M BISEXUAL.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
26 
1
2:47 am
A mother has a responsibility to her child. When you’re an adult you’ll understand.
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
62
2:58 am
lolwut? did you even read his comment?
Praise or Condemn:
12 
6
3:12 am
Are you daft? I am saying that it is the responsibility of every mother to monitor the activities of her children, particularly her boys. Moms should guide their boys into adulthood with with information about sexuality as Biblically defined. Obviously public schools teach much premature and try to make children sexually active giving out free condoms, normalizing homosexuality, anal sex, etc. If we teach our children about waiting until marriage to engage in physical contact according to God’s laws, we really have nothing to fear.
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
60
3:19 am
No, I’m not “daft”. And the Bible? What a load. It’s as real as Harry Potter.
Look dude, I like the idea of no sex until your ready. But when the teens are ready, they have the right to do that.
I really don’t want to argue with someone with the IQ of a McDonald’s cheeseburger.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
6
2:50 pm
“I am saying that it is the responsibility of every mother to monitor the activities of her children, particularly her boys.”
It makes absolutely NO sense for mothers to be the primary “monitors” of their SONS’ activities. Where are the FATHERS in this picture? Shouldn’t FATHERS be the primary “monitors” of the activities of the MALE children?
“Obviously public schools teach much premature and try to make children sexually active giving out free condoms, normalizing homosexuality, anal sex, etc.”
Do you realize how asinine that sounds? Public schools are not encouraging kids to have sex. Public schools ACCEPT the fact that teens are going to have sex, and that many times, NOTHING can stop said teens from doing the deed, so they provide them with protection and information on how to have SAFE sex. Trust me, I’ve told my friends time and again just how stupid and risky it is to have sex at their age, but many of them go ahead and do it anyway. At least educate them on how to be safe and hopefully SOME of them will heed the information. Oh, and homosexuality is perfectly normal.
“If we teach our children about waiting until marriage to engage in physical contact according to God’s laws, we really have nothing to fear.”
That’s just what my dad’s Texan friend taught his two daughters, and it’s also what they were taught in school, and both of them wound up unwed mothers, one of them at only age 16, so…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
41 
2
3:29 pm
Masturbation is not only normal, but it’s healthy. It starts from the time we’re infants. It helps to have a healthy body image and also helps to learn normal body functions and be able to realize if something is not normal, i.e. a lump in a breast, testicle, or labia. As parents people should be understanding of a teenagers needs and not penalize or “make weird” any normal habits that will continue throughout adulthood. No adolescent should be alienated for exploring a new time in their life and learning how their body will now work. Understanding masturbation is a completely healthy response to raging hormones actually lessens the chance a person will rape someone. If rape and masturbation are both sins, as equal as oh say, killing someone or violating a small child, then what difference in their mind is there? In my humble opinion religions and their doctrine should be used to uplift and rejoice in people and their actions, not to repress and alienate people who are being safe (not having unprotected sex and still experiencing a feeling similar) with their (God’s) temple. I think our God could be appalled at the content of this article.
Praise or Condemn:
18 
2
6:22 pm
“That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.
Christfag has failed, atheisfag has won I declare aybabtu, now you must listen to my aybabtu chant: lolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtu
Praise or Condemn:
13 
4
11:57 pm
I’m wondering if my awesome trolling made the site crash earlier. That’s right, shake the silliness to the core! Rock it!
Randomness….
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
4:04 am
you have a right to privacy from even your parents. if they do this you can get social services to deem them unqualified to have children…just saying.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
3
12:31 pm
You parents pay for your doctor’s visits. Your mom not only buys your clothes, she cleans them. She cooks your food, drives you to school. You father pays for the roof over your head, that front lawn of yours, your rooms full of toys, the family television. I think it’s evident your parents have every right to be involved with your lives. They have a responsibility to care for you in the best way possible. If you are show up to the emergency room with scars and shoeprints on your head, your parents will be investigated.
I would go further and say since your parents are paying and providing for everything in your lives, YOU OWE THEM! You owe it to them to be good children, to work hard in school, to excel at sports and to keep yourself clean and decent.
You people all seem to imagine you live free of any responsibilities but you are actually living in loving families and there are obligations.
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
60
1:28 pm
you are right in more or less all you say there. 2 mistakes.
one execling at sports is not something anyone can demand. at best that i excel at something.
second whille they do have to watch over me they have no right to be part of my sex life. do you call mom every time you’re going to bed with that diseased goat we have concluded is your best bet?
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
2:14 pm
“You parents pay for your doctor’s visits. Your mom not only buys your clothes, she cleans them. She cooks your food, drives you to school. You father pays for the roof over your head, that front lawn of yours, your rooms full of toys, the family television.”
You dumb queef. When I visit the doctor, my insurance covers it. I buy my own clothes, I clean my own clothes, I cook my own food. I drive myself to school. My father doesn’t pay jack shit- he’s in a different state. I mow that lawn. Fuck toys. I paid for my computer and everything that goes in it.
“I think it’s evident your parents have every right to be involved with your lives. They have a responsibility to care for you in the best way possible. If you are show up to the emergency room with scars and shoeprints on your head, your parents will be investigated.”
Yes, they will. They’d believe me if I said they did it. But if they didn’t do it, then why lie?
“I would go further and say since your parents are paying and providing for everything in your lives, YOU OWE THEM! You owe it to them to be good children, to work hard in school, to excel at sports and to keep yourself clean and decent.”
Fuck sports. I excel at masturbating.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
39 
3
5:37 pm
“Your mom not only buys your clothes, she cleans them. She cooks your food, drives you to school. You father pays for the roof over your head, that front lawn of yours, your rooms full of toys, the family television.”
This is the 21st Century. Mothers roles are no longer limited to buying and washing clothes, douchebag.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
48 
3
6:48 pm
‘excel at sports ‘
Ha ha ha ha… American imprint on your children MUCH?
Tell me Mr B… have you heard of ‘sweeping generalisations?’
You seem to specialise in them.
Rest assured, the naive and uneducated thrive on them.
Praise or Condemn:
11 
2
10:41 am
What about those of us that come from single parent homes where that single parent was absent as well? What about those of us who have had to fend for ourselves since the age of 12, coming from having the “state” as a parent? What about us, huh? You are an over-generalizing religious fanatic, sir. You think your way is the only way and to come to the conclusions which you have, you’ve taken a book we all know as the bible and contorted it to fit your psychotic over-bearing beliefs so that you can live a convenient, guilt free existence. Either that or you are such a heathenish “masturbator” yourself, for lack of a better term, you find it necessary to condemn the world, just like the delusional, misguided folks down at Westboro Baptist Church, to make your “overwhelming sin” seem more bearable. Kind of like a “take the spotlight off of me” type of deal. Check yourself; First of all, Jesus Christ HIMSELF hung out with the harlots and the heathens. WHY? Because they knew of reality. They knew loss and heartache and treachery and all of these horrible things and he wanted NOTHING MORE than to make a way for THEM. NOT the Pharisees like YOU! He had you on the “Hell” list before he laid eyes on you. Why? Because some people just never change. They CAN, but they choose not to. He NEVER said, YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!! He said to be CHRIST LIKE! Not CHRIST for Pete’s sake! You take this extremist movement to a whole new level and it sickens me. I masturbate. Every fucking day. AND GUESS WHAT! I’M OK WITH THAT FACT! If Abba has a problem with it, he will judge me when my time comes. But for now, all I have is this life and for the sake of God himself, I am going to live it to it’s fullest. And spankin the monkey is a part of that according to the terms and conditions of me! And YOU sir, have no right to tell me I am going to burn for being a sinner. I am a sinner. Proud of it too. That’s what makes me HUMAN. I would be so filled with hope if you could find it in yourself to confess your last sin. However, I don’t think you have the cahones to do such a thing. WHY DO I THINK THIS? Because you are so filled with pride as well as spite [for whatever reason] that you just don’t have any YOU left in there. It has been robbed, and that is sad. The next time you have a breakdown and fall back to earth with the rest of us human beings, you find a way to let me know. Perhaps on this thread. And I will be glad to discuss reality and it’s intentions with you. Until then, remember that clouds are nothing but figments of space and moisture. Your gonna get cold and wet and it’s gonna hurt like a SON OF A BITCH when you finally fall back to the ground. Don’t worry, us realists will be here to pick your sorry ass up. Float on brother. Don’t look down any shirts while you’re up there.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:40 pm
“A mother has a responsibility to her child. When you’re an adult you’ll understand.”
Perhaps when it comes to MALE teenagers and the issues of masturbation and sexuality, the FATHER (you know, the parent with the penis, testicles, and other MALE reproductive organs) should deal with them.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
4
1:27 am
Ooh billings… this article… you’ve aroused me… I can’t help it… I must… be your bad little child… you like that don’t you… yeah, of course you do… ooh… feels so good, billings… oooooooh….
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
44 
3
3:27 am
What seems not to have been mentioned here is addiction to masturbation. Any form of addiction leads to problems, and masturbation can be highly addictive. This can then cause problems in relationships where for example a guy prefers the easy hit of masturbation to making love to his wife or partner. It causes avoidance, a secret life, denial and shame if and when it comes to light. As a parent, I am under no illusion that my three sons masturbate regularly; what I am afraid of, though, is that they might become addicts, like their father. I was an addict for years, and it robbed me of my peace and my wife of the sort of trusting closeness that I wanted us to have. It is sorted now, but only after a lot of heartache and working through it together. I am neutral on masturbation, as I think the Bible is, and I certainly won’t be lecturing my boys on the subject. I will love and support them un conditionally whatever they do. But being controlled by it, needing to do it furtively three times a day just to get through, to cope, was not a recipe for happiness in my case. It is the addiction that is the issue. It can be a slippery slope, but if not, then fine. Just my opinion everyone. Peace to you all.
Praise or Condemn:
17 
3
11:33 am
Addiction or excess of anything is wrong but when it comes to chaffing your organs it’s much worse. Wasting seed is a sin in the eyes of Jesus and it leads to physical immorality. It familiarizes children with sex and their bodies as toys of erotic pleasure. Nothing moral about that!
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
37
11:42 am
“Addiction or excess of anything is wrong”
Yes, like overeating.
“but when it comes to chaffing your organs it’s much worse.”
Not if you’re gentle about it.
“Wasting seed is a sin in the eyes of Jesus and it leads to physical immorality. It familiarizes children with sex and their bodies as toys of erotic pleasure. Nothing moral about that!”
Would you rather teenagers have sex instead???
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
28 
2
12:24 pm
“Wasting seed is a sin in the eyes of Jesus and it leads to physical immorality”
Actually, you’re not “wasting” anything, since your body makes new semen constantly. And there is an Australian study that actually proves that regular masturbation increases fertility.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
8:46 am
Does wasting seed include birth control? If so, WOW. Just WOW. Besides which, many of the edicts in Leviticus were done away with when Jesus died on the cross — Jesus’ teachings taught us that we don’t have to go and sacrifice animals in order to absolve our sins, so what parts of Leviticus and the Old Testament are we picking and choosing to use to our own twisted thinking? I’m not saying that the Old Testamant is irrevelant, but I am saying that parts of it are, and Jesus taught that. Not sure his standing on birth control though.
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3 
0
8:55 pm
Stephenson Billings says:
May 12, 2010 at 11:33 am
“Addiction or excess of anything is wrong”
So your obsession/ addiction/ excess of insanity and support for your ‘book’ and ‘unproovable higher power’ by you own statement is WRONG!!!!
Try to back yourself out of you own words…
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
6:48 am
My personal feelings on this (and I have been born again since the 1970′s):
My mother in her wisdom preferred me masturbating privately at home instead of going out experimenting with girls. My only sexual partner has been my wife of 37 years.
The Bible as I understand it, does not forbid masturbation as it does adultery, fornication, etc.
It is unrealistic to try to keep boys from release of sexual tension, because otherwise it will cause them to gravitate to other outlets that bring more danger.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
35 
2
12:28 pm
After reading a number of your articles I have decided that you are too stupid and single minded too deserve any more of my attention. The points you bring up in many of your articles are just completely ridiculous and idiotic. People like you seriously make me lose faith in the progression of the human race. You are the reason why the world is not a more accepting place. I would have hoped that someone who claims to be such a devout Christian would use their religion for good but instead you just use it to alienate others and attempt to drive ridiculous fears and ideas into the minds of your readers. Your writings are a disgrace to humanity.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
37 
0
12:35 pm
Katie, I under you want to disagree and when you’re young, it’s fun to rebel. I just hope you keep faith and Jesus Christ in mind as you go through the trails of life. He truly love You! Some day when you’re in need, think about praying to Him. Jesus can truly help you out of any situation and the community of Christians in America is the most wonderful, caring, intelligent group you will ever encounter and guess what? They want to embrace You!
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
49
1:24 pm
yeah saying there should be room for everyone sure is rebeling right? all hail the master race!! SEIG HEIL!!!!
Praise or Condemn:
15 
4
1:51 pm
I find all this Nazi-bashing just inappopriate.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
52
2:17 pm
Billings, you want to protect the poor Nazis from nasty old Jazze? Think carefully before you use slang, or you’ll end up looking more stupid than you do already.
—BobTheChairGuy
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
30 
2
2:19 pm
Let’s make it apparent that I don’t believe in God. Or Jesus Christ for that matter. Or anything Christian. I’m a Wiccan. :3
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
2:39 pm
It’s just so easy to condemn the Nazis but what do you people know about history? The Germans were being threatened by Soviet totalitarianism on one side, French liberalism on the other. They were a Christian and Nationalist nation. They believed in the goodness of their own people. There is a lot to admire in their nobility.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
61
3:14 pm
No..they didn’t stick up for all their people, they betrayed Russia, killed millions of Jews, Polish, French, German, they stomped over Europe with some pockets of France fighting back whilst we British support the French resistance, fight in Africa, and bomb German cities, along with this the Germans eventually didn’t bomb strategic targets but rather bombed civilian districts and murdered harmless soldiers.
But because the bastards cared for those who where the ‘master-race’ they where good people? Hang yourself.
Praise or Condemn:
26 
3
3:18 pm
“I find all this Nazi-bashing just inappopriate.”
I find Nazi-bashing to be quite appropriate, considering how, you know, they killed millions of innocent people…
My grandfather fought in WWII; he even had a dagger with a swastika on it that he swiped from a Nazi that he killed, and he was a devout Southern Baptist.
WWII was the last war that American was justified in entering, because the Nazis were pure evil and Hitler was a maniac and a threat to the entire planet.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
3
11:28 pm
Oh. My. GOD. I read your article, and it gave a me a few laughs to think that there are humans with so small a grasp on the world as you. Scrolling down, I noticed two of your comments. In one you say there is too much Nazi-bashing going on. In the other you called them a Christian nation. I am forced to pose the question: do you possess a brain? “THOU SHALT NOT KILL.” Is that hard to understand?? The Nazis, as a state, systematically killed over 6 million civilians. That’s Christian?! If so, then you have convinced me to get as far as possible from Christianity for the safety of myself, my family, my friends, this country, and the world at large. Please rethink your view of the world before you let any other hate-filled phrase drip from your mouth. As a Pole who has heard many horror stories concerning their atrocities, from mountains of discarded glasses and shoes of the dead to the literal hills surrounding Auschwitz formed from the ashes of the dead…..I am floored by your complete lack of concern for fellow humans. I typically dislike religious extremists, but from your posts, it is apparent that your flaws run much deeper. Like I said, thank you from scaring myself away from Christianity. Thank you.
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
11:37 am
Allright people, let’s not over react and take things out of context. This is a polite discussion, no need to attack me for my heartfelt political views of history. Just because you’re blind to the truth and insulting your own race, doesn’t mean I can’t help you learn.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
48
2:54 pm
nazis are not a race you dumb fuck.
i have every right to bad mouth a group of people who belive that they have the right to kill everyone who is not the way they want them to be…. you really are a nazi now that i think about it.
Praise or Condemn:
16 
5
4:47 am
Nazi bashing ‘not appropriate’? Your ‘political views’? We are ‘blind to the truth’? A bit insulting to maintain that we have no idea about history and the real rise of the National Socialist Party in Germany? We are educated to some level or other. We may not believe YOUR ‘truth’. Going by your inaccurate and unverified ‘facts’, your ‘truth’ has no semblance to the anyone else’s truth other than a small group of deluded morons. Technically I am a ‘christian’ with a small ‘c’, but in truth it is people like yourself that have turned me away from the christian church and made me question the teachings and validity of christianity. If that is what you set out to do with this farce of a website, well done. I’m sure that many start reading the tripe you post as your views of correct christian living and turn away, never to return. In fact, this has the very effect that the devil is seeking. You are doing the devil’s work! And doing it very well indeed. I’m sure you and all your Christian friends will rejoice in that thought.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
2
9:56 pm
Did he just said He loved nazism ( National socialist aprty )
oh and russia was not Totalitarian just letting you know
and France liberalism at least are not fascism
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
8:21 pm
you know you keep calling people young, and im starting to wounder what you mean by that. you called katie young, chico young. how i might ask do you know some of these peole arnt older then you? if they dont outright say their age or their married and have kids thier young? is that it? geuss my age. go on i dare you. billings i would like to see you give a factual inteligent reply to every inteligent fact based comment on here. but your replying patern doesnt seem consistant. let thee who is without sin cased the first stone.It is not a sin to know about god given body parts, to think otherwise wouldnt make any sence. Because do we not want to observe all god has created and appreciate. shame is man made sir, any therapist will tell you that. i am one. have you read the bible cover to cover? have you never sined sir? DO NOT post fauls facts. it makes you look weak. are you weak sir? i hope god opens your eyes and not a bible. that you feel the touch of god and his will and not what people with biases thousands of years ago wrote and edited to fit their perseptions
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:14 pm
Katie,
It’s more likely than not that the human race will shortly leave the fundies behind us as science and technology make more and more discoveries. I mean look at this site, even. Billings and his lot are outnumbered at least 200 to one and counting, and that’s on their own website.
—BobTheChairGuy
Praise or Condemn:
20 
3
2:51 pm
Katie, I applaud your comment. I couldn’t have said it any better myself. I just wrote a comment but I still hadn’t seen yours but you totally summed up my thoughts.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
2
2:10 pm
Immediately after reading this I masturbated…and i enjoyed it. reading this got me so upset that i think i will masturbate again right now.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
3
2:46 pm
There’s no way that a logical human being can believe this. It has to be a front of some sort because it is absurd to think that something so normal and healthy can be spoken about in such a way. Teaching other’s to stereotype by looking at appearances of other’s is not only unchristian but immoral and just plain wrong! This hatred and finger pointing has gone way to far.
If anything RELIGION is the number one cause of death SINCE THE EXISTENCE OF THE HUMAN RACE and this is not one of the made up stats that you put into this article. How about for just one day you stop telling other people how to live their lives and worry about your owns and actually HELPING people.
I leave you with a big FUCK YOU for putting this nonsense into people’s heads.
Hot debate. What do you think?
28 
4
5:33 pm
Another liberal with his hot bag of conspiracy theories. Save it for your local PTA meeting fella.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
56
1:01 am
Hurm. Conspiracy theories, you say. Let’s list off some of these conspiracies: the Crusades, the Inquisition, pogroms. So you’re saying religion hasn’t contributed anything to war? Interesting; you’re kinda starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist there yourself, Stephen. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
4
3:00 pm
BILLINGS IS A NAZI-SUPPORTER!
I bet you just loved the way they killed off everyone different, less than the blue-eyed blonde-haired ideal. Is Hitler your role-model? He too thought that gay people were disgusting, in fact he tried to massacre them. Do you dream of that, you nasty little bastard? Do you think of the screams of your opponents as they suffocate in the gas chambers? Dream of making your country great again? I thought you were an idiot, but this is a whole new side, Stevie. Hitler was an atheist, he used religion to keep the people down as is still done in many countries around the world today.
Praise or Condemn:
24 
3
3:16 pm
“It’s just so easy to condemn the Nazis but what do you people know about history? The Germans were being threatened by Soviet totalitarianism on one side, French liberalism on the other. They were a Christian and Nationalist nation. They believed in the goodness of their own people. There is a lot to admire in their nobility.”
Wow, that totally justifies genocide against those who followed a faith that… *gasp*… CHRISTIANITY IS DERIVED FROM.
My brother, it is not those who pleasure themselves that are going blind. It is you.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
28 
1
5:36 pm
We don’t need your nonsense hate speech here, friend. And what does this have to do with the Jews? We’re talking about masturbation.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
41
6:29 pm
MY hate speech? Believe it or not, brother, you are the one who said that word for word.
Or are you so blind that you would forget what you say?
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
6:39 pm
I Am So SIck Of You Little Imbecile Shouting Me Down!!!!!!!!
I was commenting on your stupid reaction to my comment. Do you even have a brain or have you been smoking too much pot or going to public school? You don’t understand the basic concepts of journalism or faith so save your childish antics to your ghetto abandoned lots, you little pervert.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
51
6:47 pm
Whoa, easy there, big fella.
Save some energy for your harem of small boys.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
36 
3
1:57 am
that is the consequences of saying stupid shit on the internet. if you are not willing to take the consequnces then fucking don’t say stupid shit on the internet.
you bring it on yourself. seriously you are wandering into enemy teritory here(yes your own site is populated mainly by non-belivers mainly because it’s on the fucking internet) and it is there for comparabel to the man who walks in to a church and dtsart cursing at god on a sunday. would you take it? or would you be offened when this man talks about how evil you are when you ask him to leave because he is so intolerant.
you are wrong. we are simply proveing that to you. this is not a personal attack(that often) but because you make it to be one it further proves that the isue at hand is quite close to you personally.
you are digging your own grave…. and right about now nobody can get you out even if they wanted to
Praise or Condemn:
17 
3
12:44 pm
Tantrum much?
Praise or Condemn:
10 
2
4:57 am
“We don’t need your nonsense hate speech here, friend”. Oh, I see the agenda here. We don’t want any ‘nonsense hate speech’ other than YOUR ‘nonsense hate speech’, even if that ‘nonsense hate speech’ is pointing out that YOUR ‘nonsense hate speech’ is bias, inaccurate, unfounded rubbish. I can see that your acceptance of the Nazi ways goes further than just political and ideological, you have the same values in public information distribution as well.
Praise or Condemn:
12 
2
10:57 am
you’re an idiot.
you’re getting angry at people’s
responses to what you have said.
you are clearly not a christian,
but a child fucking, moronic dictator.
i’m sure hitler’s smiling in his grave
at the stupid pointless things you have said.
PEACE OUT MOTHERFUKAAAAA
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
3:23 pm
“It’s just so easy to condemn the Nazis but what do you people know about history? The Germans were being threatened by Soviet totalitarianism on one side, French liberalism on the other. They were a Christian and Nationalist nation.”
You’re serious? You’re ACTUALLY trying to justify the actions of the Nazis? You’re even more fucked up than I thought.
“They believed in the goodness of their own people.”
No, they believed in the extreme superiority of their people, which proved to be a dangerous thing.
“There is a lot to admire in their nobility.”
And a lot to fear in it, as they proved to us.
Hot debate. What do you think?
27 
3
5:34 pm
This is true Claire, but totally off topic! This article is a discussion for parents dealing with troubled teens, not a giant history lesson. Let’s stay on topic, people!
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
38
5:41 pm
“This is true Claire, but totally off topic! This article is a discussion for parents dealing with troubled teens, not a giant history lesson. Let’s stay on topic, people!”
You’re the one who started defending the Nazis, dumbass. When someone begins doing something as asinine as justifying the actions of the Nazis, it’s gonna throw the entire conversation off track.
Oh, and just because a teen does something totally natural, like masturbate, he/she is not “troubled”. What’s troubling is that you think parents have the right to smell their son’s bedsheets (ewwww!) for semen.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
32 
3
5:48 pm
Claire, don’t be naive. Troubled teens masturbate. You know it. I know it. Don’t deflect the issue at hand.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
44
5:53 pm
ALL teens masturbate, and those who don’t at least WANT to. It’s you who’s being naive.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
39 
6
4:21 pm
This has to be the biggest load of crap i’ve ever read on the internet! Let the brainwashing continue! WOOHOO
Praise or Condemn:
23 
2
5:31 pm
Christwire, articles like this are the reason so many people are turned off to Christianity. as a Christian myself, I’m ashamed to be associated with you and your ridiculous piety. I hope God forgives you.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
27 
2
5:54 pm
GOOD THING MY PARENTS CUT MY FORESKIN OFF SO I CAN’T MASTURBATE. PRAYSE JAYSUS.
Fucking retards.
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
9:27 pm
I’m circumcised. It doesn’t stop me
Praise or Condemn:
0 
1
6:02 pm
I guarantee that Billing’s mum had a fiddle now and then. She clearly enjoyed getting railed by a mentally defective simpleton to have this social retard slide out of her musty cave.
Hot debate. What do you think?
28 
5
6:42 pm
DONT YOU DARE INSULT MY MOTHER THAT IS WRONG AND DISGUSTING SHE IS A GOOD WOMAN WHO IS ONLY HUMAN AND MIGHT HAVE HUMAN PROBLEMS BUT SHE IS FAR BETTER THAN YOU LITTLE INTERNET SCUMBAGS HERE DESTROYING WHAT IS A ARTICLE ONLY MEANT FOR PARENTS.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
53
6:52 pm
“DONT YOU DARE INSULT MY MOTHER THAT IS WRONG AND DISGUSTING SHE IS A GOOD WOMAN WHO IS ONLY HUMAN AND MIGHT HAVE HUMAN PROBLEMS BUT SHE IS FAR BETTER THAN YOU LITTLE INTERNET SCUMBAGS HERE DESTROYING WHAT IS A ARTICLE ONLY MEANT FOR PARENTS.”
Uh-oh, it must be a full moon.
Billings, if you were a real journalist, you wouldn’t fly off the handle and write run-on sentences in all caps with no commas.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
46 
3
1:43 am
asee billings that’s the thing about the internet. you may have a targte audience. but no way in hell are you ever gonna be able to enforce it. if you were a journalist you’d knew. same goes for the fact that anyone slightly profesional knows that personal insults merely shows a lack of ability to discuss the subject in most cases. and seeing you inability to cope with people doing it to you despite you doing it all the time both proves you are not a yournalist you are not even a profesional blogger you are a hypocrit and you are not foloowing the teaching of christ(do unto others what you’d want them to do unto you IS a christian thing right?)
Praise or Condemn:
12 
3
12:50 pm
“…a article only meant for parents.” For a “journalist” (and I use the term loosely). In cases where an article (in this case ‘a’ or ‘an’) preceedes a word that begins with a vowel (a, e, i, o, u) the article to use is “an” and not “a”. The correct grammar for the end of this sentence should be “AN article meant only for parents.”
You suck, Stevie. How dare you call yourself a journalist. Hack is a more apt term.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
2
11:10 am
FONZIE
BE WITH YOU
Praise or Condemn:
2 
3
9:38 pm
I REGRET TO HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR MOTHER IS NOT A VIRGIN AND THERE IE A GOOD CHANCE THAT YOUR FATHER IS A MOTHER FUCKER (I CAN’T BE SURE OF THE LAST PART OR IF HE EVEN WAS YOUR FATHER)
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
6:15 pm
This article is total HOTNESS… Definitely made me laugh!! By the way, the author sounds like he masturbates on the regular. I know because of the way he types.. he pounds on the keyboard and this article has a distinct “pungent bleach-like odor” to it LOL
god bless the net!
Praise or Condemn:
21 
3
6:26 pm
It took me a minute to realize this post was not a joke. I find what you say to be quite masturbatory actually. This post is rather self-stimulating for you isn’t it? You may not masturbate physically, you just do it with your website. Just how did YOU develop such fine skills to be able to spot a masturbator anyway? How do you know that Matt Damon doesn’t masturbate? It’s just kind of creepy that you would devote an entire post to the subject of young boys masturbating. Creepy…
Praise or Condemn:
17 
2
6:43 pm
Save your liberal horse dung for the farmhands you little freak. Do you even have the slighest clue what faith is? Have you been Saved? Why must you go around being a radical? People like you are disgusting and a pox upon on their own race.
Hot debate. What do you think?
3 
55
1:51 am
Billings: “Save your liberal horse dung for the farmhands you little freak. Do you even have the slighest clue what faith is? Have you been Saved? Why must you go around being a radical? People like you are disgusting and a pox upon on their own race.”
Billings: “Dear Nick, you are an imbecile. Your crude attempt to cut up my journalism fails at every level. You are a liberal weak-kneed scumbag….”
hm, real “christian” of you. calling people freaks, disgusting, scumbags, imbecile.. and then belittling them. billings, you know you’ve masturbated before and probably A LOT, and you enjoyed it too. don’t try and deny it. you’re not “holier than though,” whatsoever. you haven’t convinced me at all. and i’m pretty sure you haven’t convinced anyone else.. especially in the way you speak to people on here. you can’t pick and choose what you’re going to follow in the bible. your article here isn’t doing much. and you’ve failed pretty miserably at defending yourself.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
1
5:13 pm
OMG this is the FUNNIEST thing i have ever read. I love masturbating haha and i certainly don’t look like that guido wash-up Snookie. It gives me energy and practicing orgasm makes me even better in bed with my boyfriend. You should try getting laid Stephenson, it’s really fun and might lighten you up a little. It’s people like you with such pent-up sexual tension and hatred that do awful things to this country. Us, the youth not corrupted by close-minded bigots like you, are the only hope for our nation. People like you Stephenson are the reason why people in other countries hate America.
P.S. Pookie’s orange from tanning beds you idiot, not oversized dildos.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
6:57 pm
LOL Is this site for real? Or is this supposed to be a parody?
I would love to see the credentials of “Dr. Louisa Phillips, DHg”. A quick google search, surprise, turns up nothing.
They sure as hell nailed Russel Brand though, didn’t they? That guy probably jerks off 20 times a day.
Matt Damon, however…my brother went to school with him. Apparently he jerks off constantly, and so much so that it’s even an open joke amongst his friends. In fact, he tries to set “new personal records” for himself on how many times he can nut in a day.
That was 20 years ago of course, I’m sure he’s just like the rest of us now in his old age, and only rubs one out twice a day.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
4
7:42 pm
Listen folks, that is a complete lie written by someone who dislikes Matt Damon. I know for a fact that he is a good man so stop the character assassination. I find your childish antics really unbecoming.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
50
5:04 am
You want him don’t you? Your over zealous defence of his ‘honour’ has ‘gay christian desire’ written all over it. Go on, put the repression to one side and step out of the closet. You’ll feel so much better for it.
Praise or Condemn:
17 
1
7:04 pm
Hey guys,
I masturbate all the time. I also love guys. Hung guys. Write to me at Stephenson@Christwire.org
Also, I’m one handed typing this as I furiously fap to some porn.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
48 
2
7:07 pm
Someday, I’m going to sniff my son’s bed and exclaim, “THIS SMELLS LIKE SEMEN!”
Then, I’m going to take a picture of the face he makes and frame it.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
1
7:13 pm
I apologise if this has already been stated in the comments but I got bored of reading the comments halfway through. Regardless of the other gross falacies in this article, I find it important to correct the statement that masturbation can lead to prostate cancer and yeast infections in women. Being a medical proffesional myself, I can assure that masturbation does not cause prostate cancer (in fact regular ejaculation is beneficial to the prostate and has been shown to reduce the incidence of prostate cancer). Yeast infections in women, due to masturbation, is also at best very unlikely, as yeast infections are usually due to pH imbalance.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
3
7:44 pm
Not only is masturbation a major sin in the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christ, this article is quite clear that it is deadly for teens:
http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2009-01/drop-sock-masturbation-may-cause-cancer
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
38
8:06 pm
Hah, too bad for the boys then!
But seriously, that article indicates that there MIGHT be a link.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
2
8:15 pm
Please don’t use this space to get girls to masturbate.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
34
8:17 pm
Too late!
*fap* *fap* *fap*
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
37 
1
8:24 pm
ATTENTION GIRLS: want sexual pleasure without risking pregnancy or STDs? Masturbate!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
48 
2
9:33 pm
You were the one jumping to that conclusion, you dirty, dirty man.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:50 pm
r article says in the second or third paragraph and I quote:
“But doctors disagree over the link between sexual activity and prostate cancer.
While a 2002 paper in the journal Epidemiology backs the BJU study, a 2004 study
in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) and a 2003 paper from
the Australian Cancer Council Victoria claim that frequent masturbation and
intercourse actually decreases the risk of prostate cancer. “
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
7:30 pm
Also, just noticed the author defends the NAZI movement above, defending them as a christian. Hate to break it to you, the NAZI movement was decidedly anti-christian.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
8
10:24 pm
Hitler was not anti-Christian, he was anti-Semite. He was born Roman Catholic and got most of anti-Sematic views from the Catholic faith (Because Catholics tend to have a bit of a historical gripe with Jews).
Here is a direct quote from Mein Kampf:
“My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter.”
Now after reading that tell me that Hitler was anti-Christian, I dare you to.
Praise or Condemn:
13 
0
7:46 pm
You have allllll touched yourself. even as a baby. you may not remember, But babys do it too.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
5
7:47 pm
pedophile.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
58
8:10 pm
YOU are REALLY, REALLY, REALLLLLLY not one to talk. look at ANY of your articles about homosexuality.
Praise or Condemn:
18 
3
12:04 am
Hi Mr. Billings,
I have read some of you articles, some of your comments, and I have absorbed the overall message of your work. For starters, I’m deeply disturbed by your actions, and your claims that you are providing wholesome Christian advice.
For starters, you seem to be the epitome of intolerance. You are the type of person who condemns those without cause. Because of people like you, we have inequality, we have sexism, we have people treating gays like animals.
Here’s something to think about. By “spreading the word of God,” you not only condemn, but you make it more difficult for a lot of people to live, and allow them to suffer because of your extremist, outdated views. You are the reason people shun Christianity, because you are a self-absorbed, self-righteous, bigot.
I hope you attempt to rethink your life viewpoints, because people might like you.
By the way, I’m an atheist, bisexual male, communist, university student.
You’re disgusting.
P.S. It’s hilarious that you can call other people pedophile’s, while being oddly obsessed with homosexuals, cross dressers, and the “jockstraps of teens”
Praise or Condemn:
22 
3
11:43 am
“As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power.” –Thomas Aquinas.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
32
11:47 am
““As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power.” –Thomas Aquinas.”
Hate to burst your bubble, but it’s actually the Y chromosome that’s technically the defect, you sexist fuck.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
2
12:24 pm
Hey, Fuckwad Billings,
Have you ever taken a biology or genetics course? I guess not. Your elementary-level writing and general dumbassery reveal your fourth-grade education for what it is. Too bad.
Allow me, then, to enlighten you with actual FACTS.
As Claire said, the X chromosome is NOT a mistake. It is the default program of ALL HUMAN BEINGS. Fact: all humans begin fetal development as a ***female*** and only begin to take on male characteristics later in development… IF the Y chromosome is present. That’s how it works. We ALL start off as female unless our genetics specify otherwise. Males are DIFFERENTIATED from females. NOT the other way around.
The Y chromosome, which imparts maleness, is actually far more fragile than the X chromosomes. Why do you suppose it’s IMPOSSIBLE for a girl to be born colorblind? Or less likely to have learning disabilities, autism, or chronic illnesses? You know what she can thank for that? Her two X chromosomes.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not using this to make some kind of case that EITHER sex is superior to the other. HOWEVER. No one who knows anything about science could ever argue or suggest that women are somehow the MORE fragile sex. Biologically, genetically, it’s the other way around, big guy. And, here’s another newsflash for you: boys don’t seem to want college degrees anymore. I’m sure that even you, Mr. Billings, can predict what happens to those who don’t bring in the bacon.
Have a nice day.
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5:12 pm
about time someone stands up to this sexist fuck!!!
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5:17 am
That is just so funny. You are quoting scientific evidence from Thomas Aquinas, a 13th Century Italian philosopher and theologian! Putting aside your disregard for centuries of subsequent scientific discovery, how far back in history do you really have to to find evidence that will verify rather than contest your beliefs? Any doubt that you totally incapable of formulating an evidence backed argument, if there was any to start with, has just been extinguished. You really should go on stage, no, you really should
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19 
1
9:36 pm
Pot calling the kettle black, hmm?
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7:59 pm
Wow you have got to be kidding me! This is ridiculous – are we living in the 50 with this kind of crackpot nonsense? Masturbation is healthy and perfectly normal!
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21 
1
8:01 pm
Dildo, look into foreskin restoration. You can grow back skin to help undo the damage done by the money grubbing doctors.
There is no pain and it costs about $75.00 in supplies.
Do a Google for foreskin restoration, it is all out there and works.
As far as masturbation goes, this is the 21st century and we have worse things to worry about. Have you looked at the Gulf of Mexico or read a newspaper?
Lets get real and stop worrying what someone unimportant thinks.
Peace, cheers and love to all,
JP
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2
8:06 pm
Listen up folks: this is a Christian website offering advice to parents of troubled teens. I do not need you to share your masturbation stories unless they are truly inspiring in the search for recovering. I do not find it interesting or funny for people to post “I just jerked off” on here. This is offensive and inappropriate. Remember, God knows all which means he does read internet comments and some day, when you are adults or when you die, you will be held accountable for this.
I only mean to help and advise, to inspire and shed light. We only have so much time on this planet, why not spread the light of our Lord and revel in His glory? There is too much suffering out there and you’re only adding to it with your addiction. It truly hurts your families. Think about your mother the next time your tempted. Please be safe and God bless.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
51
8:08 pm
duuuuuuude. i just whacked off in th shower.
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8:09 pm
Because most bad things in the world do come from religion.
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8:12 pm
“Remember, God knows all which means he does read internet comments”
Pfft! Sure he does, just like how he reads tabloid magazines! You’re pathetic.
“when you are adults or when you die, you will be held accountable for this.”
Ooh, look, we’re shaking!
“I only mean to help and advise, to inspire and shed light.”
No, you mean to spread hate and intolerance.
“why not spread the light of our Lord and revel in His glory?”
Because he doesn’t fucking exist!
“Think about your mother the next time your tempted.”
Is that how you get off, Billings?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
43 
2
8:29 pm
claire you’ve got a wicked wit.
“Think about your mother the next time your tempted.” – billings
Is that how you get off, Billings? – claire
thats fucking funny as hell!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
27 
1
8:31 pm
PROPS CLAIRE!
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2
12:53 am
you guys are funny. this website is obviously a joke website.. all articles on here are a parody of christian views.. I think its hilarious how people are eating this shit up. Its almost worse than real Christians being spoon fed the bible.
some people just need to get a sense of humor. THey are purposely trying to upset people.. and its working! they are getting tons of views.. I love this site its funny.
Its like The Onion, for god.
idiots
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6:19 pm
Sadly Jim, this is not a satirical site. These idiots actually believe what they put into print. They have taken the words of the Bible and interpreted in their own sick justifiable way, to suit their own needs.
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5:45 am
“We only have so much time on this planet, why not spread the light of our Lord and revel in His glory? There is too much suffering out there and you’re only adding to it with your addiction.”
you are right your adiction with christ is causeing the majority of the worlds suffering.
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6:27 pm
Jazze, while this site does nothing to support TRUE CHRISTIANITY, it is unfair to lump all Christians into that boat. There are TRUE CHRISTIANS, unlike Billings and the bloggers on this site, that do make the world a better place. They do live as they preach. They do Love all fellow humans. I am very proud to say that my in-laws are some of those very special Christians. They put themselves before others. My landlord – who does not attend church weekly, is also one of those that I would state is a True Christian.
So please, you and every one else on here that state Christians are basically the down fall of the world – stop and think. Yes, there are those that are Religious Zealots like Billings the others, but thankfully they are few and far between.
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7:45 am
You claim:
“There is too much suffering out there and you’re only adding to it with your addiction.”
Many people are able to masturbate without it becoming an addiction. I agree that any kind of addiction that impacts upon quality of life is an issue, but someone who has a healthy respect for their body and enjoys masturbating shouldn’t be attacked by you or your slanted Christian views. Don’t generalize! I enjoy masturbating and I am able to work, enjoy time with my friends and study to get a degree. Not once have I ever chosen masturbation over any of those things. Occasional masturbation is NOT an addiction and is not unhealthy. Please research your articles more thoroughly.
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6:15 pm
Billings this is NOT a Christian Website!!! You do absolutely nothing but to promote hate to our fellow humans, regardless of race!!
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10:15 am
Listen, Billing, you retarded parrot. If there is something I want to take off my chest is that I too, love Hitler with my whole heart, but let me tell you this, if he was still alive, he’d throw you directly in the oven, you know, “Do not stop – go directly to the oven”. I believe you to be jewish excrement, as you’re wasting people’s times with your demented masturbatory topic and muddling the water in a way only a jew would be capable of doing. You are a weak man, Billings, and if I knew where the fuck you’re living, and if it wasn’t too much of an expense, I’d personally come over and do a number on you with a pair of pliers. And bring your Crist over, cause I’m willing to work overtime.
Sorry, crowd, I will not indulge this retard.
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10:30 am
I live in Dyersburg you imbecile.
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4:35 am
Now I know where to target my missiles.
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9:38 pm
Surely if God knows everything, then he would have found a way to make it impossible? Either that or he really doesn’t care about you whacking one off.
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8:14 pm
Hey guys, I’m tempted to add Billings as a friend on facebook just so I can torment him more. Whaddya think?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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2
8:15 pm
do it man!
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8:19 pm
Claire, I would be happy to have you be my friend. Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? Isn’t that disgusting?
May is National Masturbation Month
http://www.examiner.com/x-8543-SF-Health-News-Examiner~y2010m5d5-Is-May-really-National-Masturbation-Month
I posted it to my facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephenson-Billings/100001040363642
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
25
8:26 pm
May is National Masturbation Month? Sweet, that gives me an excuse to masturbate tonight!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
30 
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8:29 pm
Huh. thanks, Stephen! i didn’t know that. that certainly is disgusting. are you saying that we must limit our gratitude of masturbation to ONLY A MONTH? this is appalling.
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8:39 pm
Prepare to be flamed. If you post your facebook profile on your webpage, then you will get more ‘friends’ (99.9% people you don’t know), who just flame you about your misinformed articles.
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7:11 pm
I’m not here to flame or add to the swearing, that won’t accomplish anything.
Just wanted to point out that the article you cited for masturbation month goes on to describe the benefits of masturbation. The benefits listed DIRECTLY contradict what you claim the occasional “me time” can cause. It can BOOST the immune system of men and reduce the risk of yeast infections in women.
I get that you hate homosexuals. I whole-heartedly disagree with that, but that’s beside the point. What possible evidence could you have found or created that says masturbation leads to homosexuality? Even IF homosexuality were a choice (again, i disagree but am willing to hear your side of it.) how would exposure to more naked women make you desire someone of the same sex? This sounds purely like insecurities and confusion being forced on others.
Faith is important, yes, but so is reason. Why would you go out of your way to ignore doctors and specialists who have spent their entire lives preparing for and working in a concentrated field? When Galileo (and numerous other scientists throughout history) determined the world was round and not the center of the universe, they were persecuted and called heretics. The fear was that this new theory didn’t explain where God “lived”, and consequently people would lose faith in him. Clearly, we did not (well, many didn’t). Instead of disproving God, it disproved the current INTERPRETATION of God and a new one came about to fill the void. Maybe the new theory should be God doesn’t want anything in excess, including masturbation. Don’t sweep evidence under the rug because it doesn’t fit the argument, adjust the thesis to fit the facts.
If you have researched this as thoroughly as you say, have you also looked into the sources research? Maybe a background of the credentials of the authors? Or did you stop when you saw something that fit your thesis?
You know Matt Damon HATES Sara Palin right? You can look that up, or check here, I’ll give you my source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6urw_PWHYk
He is also opposed to the war in Iraq and was married in a civil service, not under God. That one’s from wikipedia, and I checked their sources. Unless you have personally talked with Mr. Damon and/or stalked him for weeks to tally his wankings, I’m going to have to go ahead and assume that that is complete fabrication.
Same with just about everything else you said about spotting a masturbator, unless you said mirror, did you say mirror? I would have accepted mirror.
You quoted Thomas Aquinas earlier, and I’m glad you did. My favorite quote of his is, “The Bible is endlessly strange and new”, Meaning any passage could be interpreted countless different ways to support any number of perspectives and agendas. The passages you have quoted speak much more against adultery to me than letting your seed fall to the ground, especially if it’s his brother’s wife in a time when women were just baby-and-dinner makers.
If you do truly want to spread the good word and all that, I would suggest a little more “love thy neighbor” and a LOT less condemnation. Let’s leave that to the Big Buy, Hm? I think it’s incredibly presumptuous to assume you know what he does/doesn’t want us to do because you can twist a few verses to make an argument.
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2:51 pm
You should do it. That would be hilarious.
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8:15 pm
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#masturbation
98% of all people masturbate.
give it up.
you’re NOT gonna win this one.
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24 
3
8:37 pm
Poe’s law at its finest.
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4
9:03 pm
Thanks for the pic of Russell. I’m going to go masterbate now.
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2
9:03 pm
Why masturbate when there are 10 year old boys to screw? We should learn from out priests and follow in their footsteps.
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2
9:03 pm
You used three Bible quotes to justify this article.
Leviticus 22:4 Specifically states it only applies to children of Aaron. Furthermore, it doesn’t say masturbation is sinful, it just says to wash up when you are finished. Is touching a corpse sinful also? Is having a skin disease (say, a pimple) also sinful?
Genesis 38:9-10 Onan was not masturbating in this passage, he was lying with his brother’s wife. The evil that God punsished him for was denying his brother children — which _was_ a mean thing to do to your dead brother.
Colossians 3:5 is very general and doesn’t mention masturbation, either.
In the comments you say that the Bible speaks extensively on masturbation. It does not, I have read it several times. The quotes you picked are pretty much the best ones, and none of them even mention playing with yourself. The Devil can quote scripture to serve his ends — of this, I believe your blog post is a great illustration.
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9:23 pm
I’m sorry but you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. The Bible is very explicit when it comes to sin as I have shown in the passages mentioned above (please reread the article!). Here are some additional passages for you to pray on:
“‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. -Leviticus 15:16-18.
“Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.” –Romans 6:13
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” –Eph 5:3.
“So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling-block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” –Romans 14:12-13
“For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God… For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” –1Th 4:2-8.
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” –Leviticus 18:22.
“When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from every thing impure. If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there. But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp. For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.” –Deuteronomy 23:9-11, and 14
Hot debate. What do you think?
3 
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11:32 pm
Unclean is not the same as sinful. All the quotes on “emmisions” instruct the people to wash afterwards. After washing, and sometimes being alone for a bit they cease to be unclean. I’d wash after having emissions too!
You’re also unclean after touching dead people or animals, or if you have a disease. Menstruating women are also unclean. The same word “unclean” is used in all cases. I doubt you’d class any of these as sins.
What I’m getting at is that the Bible calls “emissions” DIRTY in these types of old testament laws, but does not call them IMMORAL. “Emmisions” are gross, so you have to wash up before you touch anyone — that’s all they’re saying. It’s worth noting that the old testament laws say touching or eating pigs makes you unclean as well.
The other quotes you’ve provided are quite vague and don’t mention masturbation. They mention “sexual impurity” or “sexual immorality”, but do not define those terms. One of them is a law against homosexuality, not masturbation.
You might have a point with Eph 5:3, but I wouldn’t consider the Bible’s stance on masturbation extensive or clear. A vast majority of people do it anyway. For another example of things everyone does that contradict mosaic law:
Ex 20: “Thou shalt not make unto thee . . . any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth . . .”
How many images are on your article? Perhaps you should worry less about what everyone else is doing.
I’m surprised that you don’t find the irony in quoting Romans: “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.” Although, I admit I am judging too in pointing this out. Have a nice evening, it’s bedtime here.
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20 
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11:41 pm
Oh lol I didn’t catch this at first, _pay close_ attention to the star quoted portion of this verse:
“‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening.
*****When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen*****, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. -Leviticus 15:16-18.
You can see by splitting this quote up, that a man “having an emission” is no more unclean than a man lying with a woman and having an “emission”. See? Masturbation is no more sinful than normal hetero relations!
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5:36 am
Chris, please take yourself away and have a quiet word with yourself. You are posting accurate, well researched arguments based on fact and full use of ‘in context’ quotes. Further more, your posts aren’t twisted to support a hidden agenda and trot the ‘Bible Bashing’ over moralistic line. That just won’t do as it is not the way Billings so called ‘journalism’ is done. You should choose your bible quotes carefully, select only the parts that support your view and totally fail to point out that there are equivalent quotes, which prove things you approve of could be equally condemned. What are we going to do with you?
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16 
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9:16 pm
Hilarious satire, keep up the good work
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10:11 pm
Ahaha, white religious people are hilarious, man I am going to pop one off. Thank jesus for the internet. 99% porn.
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13 
2
11:01 pm
We should really take a poll:
Who Masturbates the Most?
a) Matt Damon
b) Russell Brand
c) Snooki
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12 
2
11:12 pm
This post is so absolutely ludicrous that I don’t even know where to begin. As a satire this would be hysterical. However, the idea of this article taken seriously is blowing my mind. In order to believe in this you must be the most devout, uneducated, exiled sheep on the entire planet. The mere idea of somebody living their life by this is baffling.
I think I’ll invent my own religion so I no longer need to think about this.
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9 
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11:15 pm
This is a parody site, right? It’s post-modern satirical humor, yes? It has to be, because that would be the safer universe to live in, one where people couldn’t possibly be that stupid and ignorant.
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3
11:40 pm
Greatest troll of all time.
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11:45 pm
Mr. Billings,
You have repeatedly quoted Old Testament verses that require death as punishment for violating them. Have you overseen the killing of anyone? If not, and if you are aware of sin around you, why are you not condemning those sinners to death?
Additionally, have you stoned a rebellion teenager? Or have you restricted yourself from eating any sort of hard-shelled fish? Those are from Deuteronomy 21:18 and Leviticus 11:12, respectively. If you stress obedience to the Bible, you should obey these also. I am going to guess, however, that you do not. Why? Because they are, in a word, antiquated. They are commandments that belong to an age long gone. Billions of people eat shelled fish because as long as they are properly prepared, there is nothing wrong with them. It is likely that the original purpose of the fish commandment was to prevent food poisoning, since it is unlikely that a nomadic people such as the Israelites would have had methods of boiling water. Since we now have the means to properly prepare such food, is there any meaning in following such commands? Did God not give us brains with which to make these determinations?
In conclusion, I believe you to be a fundamentalist hypocrite incapable of maintaining a self-consistent moral outlook OR grasping basic facts about science (by the way, heterosexual sex is a more probably source of STDs than masturbation is, owing to the fact that pathogens in sexual fluids die in the presence of oxygen, which flies in the face of the erroneous implication made in your article).
I used to be a Christian. But I saw that the rants of people like you in no way reflect the larger realities of our world or our universe, which is why I now consider myself an atheist. Your type of Christian did more to drive me away than a “Satanic influence” did to attract me.
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11:48 am
I know perfectly well what the Bible says and means, I don;t need some internet anonymous person to come on here and tell me what to do. Are you square with your God? What have you done to please him? Is your life righteous and without sin? Yes, please don’t throw stones in glass houses my friend.
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2:59 pm
and here we have the definition of hypocracy.
or is it irony seeing as billings is so unaware of what he is doing?
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11:56 pm
I am a faithful Atheist and frown upon the actions of most Christians. I say most because I have actually met some who are very good people and do not just claim to be so. I for one masturbate, and so do a lot of my Christian and other religious friends. It is, as I have come to realize, a very natural process, and shouldn’t be frowned upon. For, when i was 14 my 17 year old sister had gotten pregnant, and I had almost vowed to never have sex in a million years. I found this promise to myself to be very anti-productive and swore to just wait until I felt that I was ready to handle the responsability that comes with a child, S.T.D’s ect. And since i have continued to masturbate and have sex with my wife. With whom I am happy to say I have a darling daughter who means the world to me. I do not masturbate all the time, but I still do masturbate. And anyone who can tell me that my lifestyle is wrong and feel that they are correct in their words may burn in a house filled with slow-burning objects. while wearing a fire suit to increase any pain inflicted while it eventually melts to your skin and you are burned alive. The Human race may be extremely flawed but the people described in the last sentence I believe to be the entirely most flawed of all the Humans in the world, yes, even more so than serial killers.
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7 
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11:50 am
“anti-productive” is not a word. I think you meant to say “unproductive”. Also, you use commas incorrectly.
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18
12:06 pm
“when it comes to chaffing your organs”
That should be “chafing”, Billings.
“Katie, I under you want to disagree”
I believe that should be “understand”.
“He truly love You!”
There should be an s at the end of “love”, there, Billings.
“Allright people, let’s not over react and take things out of context.”
There is only one l in “alright”.
Oh, and we can’t forget this little gem:
“DONT YOU DARE INSULT MY MOTHER THAT IS WRONG AND DISGUSTING SHE IS A GOOD WOMAN WHO IS ONLY HUMAN AND MIGHT HAVE HUMAN PROBLEMS BUT SHE IS FAR BETTER THAN YOU LITTLE INTERNET SCUMBAGS HERE DESTROYING WHAT IS A ARTICLE ONLY MEANT FOR PARENTS.”
Yes, we can see that Billings is an expert at comma placement.
“People like you are disgusting and a pox upon on their own race.”
Remove either “upon” or “on”, you can’t have them both there, I’m afraid.
“unless they are truly inspiring in the search for recovering.”
It should be “recovery”.
“Think about your mother the next time your tempted.”
*snicker* that should be “you’re tempted”.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
36 
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11:58 pm
This reminds me of when the Nazis used these “teaching methods” on how to spot the ideal Aryan or how to spot a Jew, etc.
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12:00 am
This is the stupidest thing that I have read on the internet. The total lack of sources, made up facts, and your admission of smelling sheets for semen all contribute to this. Jesus never said anything about jacking off. I’m sure he would be much more concerned about the wars you conservatives support than something this stupid. You have no studies, no research proving that beating the meat effects people in the workforce. This is retarded.
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12:02 am
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
Mohandas Gandhi
Stephenson Billings, if you do indeed believe the retarded dribble you wrote about, you fit the definition of what Mohandas Gandhi was speaking of.
If you can, answer me this. If God truly is the creator of all things, then that means he would have had to have come up with all the thoughts and emotions humans are capable of, right? If this is true, then God himself would had to have masturbated before creating humanity in order to give us the capability of even thinking about committing the act of masturbation.
The same can also be said when thinking of homosexuality. If God didn’t want us to be gay, why did he give us the ability to think and be attracted to members of the same sex? God would have had to created those thoughts himself, right? And since God created all things, including thoughts of homosexuality, doesn’t that make God gay as well?
If I’m right (which I am because all Christian religions believe God created EVERYTHING) then why would God not want us to masturbate and be homosexual when he’s the one that came up with the ideas in the first place? I don’t think any supreme being that damns us for doing things that they came up with the idea for in the first place is worth believing in.
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14 
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11:53 am
You understand so little. God gave us free will. Adam and Eve and the tree of knowledge? Remember that? The devil tempting humans away from righteousness? We need to win back God’s favor by living a good, faithful life. Jesus died for YOUR sins!
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12:12 pm
“Jesus died for YOUR sins!”
Now how the hell could Jesus die for the sins of someone whose existence wasn’t even a THOUGHT until 2,000 years later?
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12:10 am
Say I used to once be a master at bating
But then I saw the light of God, Himself.
And he told me, nay I need not to worry about touching myself. If I ever need help with that, I only need so far as to go to the local Catholic church and ask.
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12:39 am
This is the most close minded article i have read in quite a long time. It helps me remember why i decided to be an atheist, to escape from the close mindedness of most christians. 90% of people masturbate, there is nothing you can do about it. If my mother told me i was not allowed to masturbate, i would still do it, because i believe it is not my mothers decision on what i should do with my meat. in your case, Mr. Billings, i believe it is Beat it or Eat it, since you claim that you do not masturbate, i believe you do the latter. It’s the Fuckin’ 21′st century you close minded freak. Get used to it and keep your uneducated thoughts to yourself you sick, perverted fuck. I thought nobody could be this uneducated about how the world is today, but you, Mr. Billings, have proved me wrong. and this website is just fantastic, its a humongous load of pure buttpudding by incredibly close minded people. I pray to the flying spaghetti monster that you never have sex with anyone for the sake of humanity. People like you having children and teaching what you are attempting to teach here is the reason we have child protection. And upon reading several articles, mainly about how beating your child is the best way to teach them respect, I feel like i have lost all faith in christianity all over again. I am literally sick and disgusted by the fact that you can actually attempt to tech people this load of asspudding. And you are also trying to stand up to the actions of the Nazis? What kind of sick fuck do you have to be to actually try to justify their actions? What has possibly driven you to do this? All this writing has got me in the mood for some masturbating… May i recommend a few websites, Mr. Billings? Mainly they are Sl utload and RedTube. Best quality websites with plenty of content, totally free!
PS. Claire, you are my personal hero!
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12:44 am
Also, Mr. Billings, i would like for you to actually read what i have said and reply to it as intelligently as you possibly can, instead of trying to avoid the issue, as many christians do when confronted by these types of questions. Thank you for your time.
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11:58 am
WHat could you possibly want from me? Clearly you’re fully invested in the liberal, atheist agenda and hate the people who are trying to make this world a better place. I have dedicated my life to serving Christ and fighting immorality everywhere. Do you really want to jump on the side of perversion, rape, pornography, prostitution? Are you really so sick? Maybe when you’re an adult you’ll see how fruitless you crazy addiction is and how much you have hurt the people around you. Your mother and your father love YOU! Jesus Christ died for YOUR sins! And are you the least bit grateful? Have you done anything to glory his name today? NO! You live like some hippie liberal who thinks his body is a pleasure palace and who just wants to be immoral and watch offensive tv shows and support socialism and Obamacare. You people disgust me.
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3:06 pm
WHat could you possibly want from me? Clearly you’re fully invested in the religious, christian agenda and hate the people who are trying to make this world a better place. I have dedicated my life to serving logic and fighting insanity everywhere. Do you really want to jump on the side of hate, murder, genocide, and denial of your own flaws? Are you really so sick? Maybe when you’re an adult you’ll see how fruitless you crazy addiction is and how much you have hurt the people around you. Your mother and your father love YOU! obama made healthcare for YOUR health! And are you the least bit grateful? Have you done anything to glory his name today? NO! You live like some hypocrit who thinks his body is a pleasure palace and who just wants to be evil and bible thump so you can offend more people and support genocide, terrorism and all the lies you are feed. You people disgust me.
works both ways buddy
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12:43 am
no one, not even the christian community, is going to take you too seriously if you refer to Snooki as a “Tunnel of Fun”.
also, the real way to spot a masturbator is to accidentally walk in on them. you could, however, just do what i do and assume that every person on the planet either currently partakes time and again, or at least has a handful of times in the past (pun completely intended).
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1:09 am
I am a Christian, but this entire website, and especially this post is just insane and makes me almost embarrassed to share the same religion.
You make so many generalizations, judgments, and assumptions about people, yet claim to be trying to save the world. Shouldn’t such an over-the-top (supposedly) Christian website avoid doing these things, since it isn’t exactly a Christian thing to do?
It is no wonder that most atheists, and people with beliefs other than yours have such negative feelings towards many Christians. People see things like this, these hypocritical and nonsensical “works of journalism” written in the name of God, and assume most believers are like this, and are left with a permanent bad-taste in their mouth. If you all could step down from your high horses and realize that spitting fire at everyone who doesn’t think and act like you, and condemning them at first judgement (God’s job, not yours) will not help you reach anyone outside of the Christian belief, and may even spurn a few believers as well.
Instead, try not acting like you are so much better than everyone else, and attempt to see things from outside of your “holier-than-thou” mentality and you may actually be able to help some people, instead of just creating more spite towards Christianity.
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1:18 am
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1:21 am
If this were actually true, it’d be an odd situation. Getting rid of cats is always a good thing.
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12:01 pm
I realize that photo is a joke, but cat ownership is not in keeping with God’s laws.
The Dark Underside of America’s Obsession With Cat Ownership
http://christwire.org/2009/10/the-dark-underside-of-americas-obsession-with-cat-ownership/
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12:08 pm
Fuck god.
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2:51 pm
on the subject of folowing the laws of god have you comited your yearly genocide yet billings?
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1:18 am
Please no more logical fallacies. Steve, you are doing what is called a slippery slope (if…then…) which is based on false/unproven evidence. Please, just stop.
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1:19 am
I masturbate daily, up to 4 times a day; this has been going on for more than 35 years.
I have no shame to admit it, and I will talk about it openly with my family and my friends.
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1:23 am
“‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. -Leviticus 15:16-18.
Gotta listen ppl. God wants you to clean off after you masturbate. That stuff makes a mess. Doesn’t taste too good either.
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1:24 am
The thing many Christians fail to comprehend is the Bible is simply a book written by man, subject to the biases and whims of those humans who created it. Regardless of whether or not a Lord was looking over the shoulder of the author of any particular book, it was still a man who put down (using his “God-given” free choice) his human outlook on life
A phenomenal guidebook to learn good values and live a good life? Absolutely, in a general sense. A by-letter instruction manual as to how to approach every aspect of every situation? Lord no
I mean, really; last time I checked, most of Jesus’ adolescent years were not included in the holy book. He could have been the “purest” or the most “depraved” boy of all time and we’d never know
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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12:02 pm
Liar.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:50 pm
pedophile
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12:55 am
Stephenson Billings, I speak for the rest of the human race when I’m politely asking you to kill yourself. This will better our species and the world as a whole. fuck you.
your politely,
~Ryan
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5:58 am
Wow, intelligent come back there Billings, well done. That’ll support your logical argument.
As for the bible you are so fond of selecting (very selective mostly!) quotes that support your view, not only was it written by frail men, it was also selectively ‘edited’ by man. Some of the books were amended and even some omitted. To be honest, the bibles of different ‘branches’ of Christianity are of different lengths as each contains or omits different sections.
Add to that the fact that Christ spoke Aramaic and the bible you quote from has been translated from Greek and Hebrew, into Latin and then into English many centuries later, you may only be left with the very general meaning, not the exact meaning you quote as the exact ‘word of god’. There are in fact over 2400 different translations of the bible, which one is the right one? Come to think of it, if you’ve ever translated anything from one language into another and then back to the original, you’ll actually wonder if you are quoting anything to do with the original books of the bible at all.
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6:39 pm
So, just who do you think wrote it Billings? Do you actually think that God himself set-up typeset and published the book? You truly are a moron!!
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6:13 pm
It’s the best parody of Christian paranoia I’ve ever read.
And written with a straight face.
That makes it genius satire.
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1:38 am
i masturbated 3 times today. twice too gay porn.
im scared im going to go to hell. it this a legitimate fear? or can i say sorry and god will forgive me?
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3:41 pm
i’m curious about this too. if god forgives stuff like this is you say sorry, can you literally get away with murder? if not, where is the line crossed? if not, i can go on a killing spree and say “oops. sorry.” afterwards, can’t i? and if he DOESN’T forgive, that mean 98% of the WORLD’S population is going to hell. no offense, but if the only alternative is to spend eternity in heaven with YOU, i’m happy to go to hell with 5.9 billion other people.
Please tell me. i’m very confused. this seems veeeeeery tricky.
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1:45 am
Hey thanks for one of the best laughs I’ve had in months! Your website is hilarious, keep up the good stuff!
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2:01 am
PLEASE READ THIS
THIS SITE IS FAKE THIS SITE IS FAKE THIS SITE IS FAKE THIS SITE
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2:01 am
god it’s awesome to have invoked godwin’s law.
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2:02 am
Wow, this just might be the dumbest article ever written (if it was meant to be serious). Denying one’s body’s needs can be dangerous. Look at the Catholic priests.
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1:02 pm
Those aren’t christians. Remember Christians have secret affairs with gay hookers and smoke meth. Then repent for it and say they have chosen to be straight. They also hire gay men to come along on their trips to Europe and carry their luggage and give them relaxing massages.
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2:18 am
POE’S LAW PEOPLE!
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3:30 am
Oh ok. Thanks.
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3:36 am
Hello, i just want to reach out to our Christian readers: this site is currently being spammed by atheist/liberal groups who are trying to destroy our freedom of speech. Please don’t let their hate hurt you, they are the minority in this country though there are many of them online. We are the majority of America and we are righteous in ways they cannot comprehend. Do not be intimidated by theirr numbers or hateful comments, I forsee their defeat. We are the moral majority here and they are the futile few obsessed with masturbation and anal sex and they are truly an abomination. God bless my fellow Christian soldiers and don’t let these criminals scare you from commenting!!!!!
“He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in him I will trust.’” –Psalm 91:1-2.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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5:26 am
Sorry to burst your bubble there Steve, but this article is everything wrong with Christians these days. I grew up in a christian house, and my parents wouldn’t be caught dead invading my privacy like that. How sick and perverted do you have to be to be so obsessed with your child’s sexual habits? It’s truly disturbing!
Now before you go insulting and belittling be for not believing what you believe, I am in fact christian, and I do go to church. I pray every Sunday and I listen to my pastor. In fact, me and my family are sitting at my computer at this moment marveling on how you’re leading modern Christians astray with this witch hunt on our own children. Masturbation is no sin. It’s just a normal human behavior. Belittling your children for doing a normal thing like that is just sick and wrong. Why do you want your children to be ashamed of themselves that way? It just breeds contempt.
Do you know what modern christian parents need these days? A good dose of sanity. They’re certainly not going to get it here.
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5:32 am
we are not takeing away your freedom of speech. as matter of fact you are trying to silence us you hypocrit. freedom of speech is not some kind of shield you can use to say that we can’t disagree or abuse you for what you say. part of freedom of speech is takeing responsibility for what you say. the second you use your freedom of speech to give an openion you invite people to discuss t´heir openion with their freedom of speech especially if they disagree.
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9:42 am
Billings, get your fat ass back to the kitchen and make your boyfriend a creampie.
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4:47 am
I betcha God wanks 3 or 4 times a day and jizzes all over jesus while he’s wanking over Marys face.
Christian fuckheads. Complete and utter bullshit.
Most of u fuckers r kiddyfucking Porno freaks anyway.
Doosh
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5:56 am
So… No more wankin’ in the office?
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8:02 am
To reply to my own comment I have to add. The man has clearly a point. If someone wears a Duran duran T-shirt, he must be chronic masturbator!
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6:05 am
Oh look. More ignorance. SURPRISE!
I mean… does it really still need to be explained to you?
The bible.
Was written by ROMANS ( YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS WHO WERE CORRUPT AND DESTROYED ENTIRE NATIONS AND WERE BENT ON SOCIAL CONTROL? YEAH THEM!)
Ignore this FACT though, as I’m sure you will.
Also the bible is 95 % astrological metaphor.
The MORNING STAR is the easiest way to prove this.
The morning star is not some fallen angel nor a man who performed miracles, far from it, the morning star is VENUS.
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6:06 am
This is a GREAT article! I was watching porn, and not any type of porn, but midget fucks a christian horse porn and then stumbled upon this and now I have no boner. So guess you made a lot of sense.
Yeah……
In all seriousness though. This article itself is nothing but masturbation. It’s the jackassery of a fuckin’ retard who claims to be a journalist. I will now go back to choking my chicken. And to the dick who wrote this. Yes, Im talking to you Billings, don’t quit your day-job. I puked in my mouth a little from reading this drivel.
Peace
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6:10 am
Some christians need to meet my good friend bill hicks over on the youtubes.
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6:11 am
looooooooooooool. fuck man, christian really are as thick as pigshit aye. GODS NO REAL FAGGOTS.
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6:27 am
This article was clearly written by someone who needs an orgasm. Who knew, at the age of 21, while being a pro-active member of my community, in a loving and stable relationship and holding down a great job, that I’m actually a deviant who’s plotting when I can get another five minutes alone to ‘self abuse’.
This article was probably written as a satire, but it genuinely scares me that there are more than likely some people out there who are so terrified of their own sexuality.
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8:20 am
Is this a joke? It has to be. No one can type this stuff with a straight face.
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8:54 am
This is one of the most irresponsible articles I’ve ever seen. Masturbation is normal and healthy. No physician or anyone with valid credentials in sexual health would tell you otherwise. You should be ashamed of yourself for judging people for engaging in a perfectly natural activity. You should be ashamed of yourself for providing misinformation because it suits your ideology. You should be ashamed of yourself for making the teenage years even more difficult than they need to be. If this is how your belief system makes you think, then your belief system has some serious problems.
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8:54 am
Though I agree with some of the things said in this article, I can see how any Christian could lift up Matt Damon as some kind of “example” of Christian behavior. It’s really ironic that this actor who is one of the epitomes of Hollywood glitz and glamor is somehow illustrated albeit indirectly as a shining example of Christian character (a master of self control, even, in accordance with Galatians 5:22-23).
I thought that as Christians we believe that man sees the outside but God sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). So, how can you put out there this lie that somehow outside appearance is an indicator of whether one commits sin? I’m not saying the writer is a liar, but this is a straight up faleshood, and a lie, and you know what the Bible says about lies (John 8:44).
Im not trying to hate, and I appreciate your workings and an Ambassador of the Most High, but we as Christians we have to stand on the word, not personal opinions.
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9:15 am
LOL, is this article for real? It’s hovering so close to satire I’m unsure. Hilarious! Funniest thing I’ve read all day, thanks for the laugh.
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9:55 am
Epic Troll is Epic
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10:12 am
Great satire, man. Is this entire website an elaborate joke?
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10:20 am
No, the lord does not want us to touch ourselves. He’s rather our Pope, who’s word is his work, have sex with young boys instead. Then use one of 1000 excuses (that your probably thinking of right now) to justify it or condemn my comment.
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10:38 am
Turns out it IS a joke site. XD @ so many people taking it seriously.
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11:04 am
Thank you!!! This article is yet another affirmation that I was correct in my assessment of religion. Although being brought up a devout catholic I figured out at a very young age that organized religion is the root of all evil. First off, the very sources you provide are contradictory to your statement and is not based on fact. I can site where 90% (or more) of the medical community will state that masturbation actually lowers the risk of prostate cancer. Secondly your “examples” picture is extremely offensive! Your judging a book by it’s cover. So anyone with a beard, sunglasses and an untucked shirt is clearly a masturbator and will go to hell for it? I thought judgment was reserved for god only? BTW while I’ll agree that Snooki is not a good roll model, her skin is orange because she applies tanning solution NOT because she uses sex toys! That alone shows the ignorance of your article.
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11:11 am
LOL i just realized the epicness of this troll site!!!
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11:30 am
omg? is this a real christian site or a gag site? my friend posted this on facebook as a joke and Im really hoping it is… really you people need to get a life if this is supposed to be a serious article… and just an fyi masturbation is something that starts in the womb, literally, look it up in scientific journals, oh wait you dont know what that is, cuz youre to busy reading an outdated book that has no place in the modern world!
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11:45 am
“Allright people, let’s not over react and take things out of context. This is a polite discussion, no need to attack me for my heartfelt political views of history. Just because you’re blind to the truth and insulting your own race, doesn’t mean I can’t help you learn.”
Sorry, but nobody in their right mind is going to sit back and let you defend the actions of the Nazis. Next you’re probably going to start defending the KKK.
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11:49 am
I’m not entirely convinced this is serious, including the responses from Billings. It would certainly make more sense after reading the articles and his responses to criticism.
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12:01 pm
i’m dumbfounded by this. i thought it was a gag until i read all the comments and replys. this is the most absurd thing i have ever read. especially considering all that juicy, spank-worthy stuff in the bible. adam and eve were frolicking around in the buff…you got prostitutes in there…oh man…excuse me, i feel a bible-thumpin’, stroke session comin’ on!
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12:04 pm
Only in America!
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12:14 pm
As a Christian and a journalist, I do welcome our friends from all across the spectrum of internet diversity here who came to share their views. You must understand, however, this site is meant for parents so if you’re young much of this writing may be hard for you to comprehend. I do recommend forwarding this article to your parents or caretakers if you are young and then having a frank discussion about your biology questions. Your local pastor is also a great resource for sexual issues. He is there to help!
I welcome you people here because it gives me the opportunity to minister to your needs and many of you sound in great pain. The swear words, the anger, clearly there is an emptiness in your hearts. Did you know that Jesus Christ died for YOUR sins? It was a glorious sacrifice he made up there on the cross just for YOU! Don’t let his death pass in vain, please think about faith and understand that it may be the key to the happiness you are unfortunately and hopelessly seeking with pornography, pre-martial sex, homosexuality and masturbation. I am also here humbly to offer any advice I can give. God bless you all!
“And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.” –Ecclesiastes 7:26
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12:33 pm
jesus christ never died for my sins billings on this guy died for OUR sins
Optimus Prime died for our sins may the all spark bless him
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12:47 pm
“Your local pastor is also a great resource for sexual issues.”
Hah! Yeah, and I’m Mickey Mouse!
“Did you know that Jesus Christ died for YOUR sins?”
No, he did not die for OUR sins. Maybe YOU’RE 2,000 years old, Billings, but the rest of us aren’t.
“It was a glorious sacrifice he made up there on the cross just for YOU!”
See above comment.
““And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.” –Ecclesiastes 7:26″
“Then how did Sarah Jessica Parker’s butt-cheese wind up in Scrotie’s milkshake?” – “South Park”
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12:55 pm
ummm, I hate to break it to you but there were a lot of people who claimed to be messiahs and “died for our sins”, Jesus just happened to have the best PR team…
* Simon of Peraea (ca. 4 BC), a former slave of Herod the Great who rebelled and was killed by the Romans.[2]
* Athronges (ca. 3 BC)[3], a shepherd turned rebel leader.
* Jesus of Nazareth (ca. 4 BC — AD 30-?), a wandering prophet and teacher who was crucified by the Romans; Jews who believed him to be the Messiah were the first Christians, also known as Jewish Christians.
* Menahem ben Judah (?), allegedly son of Judas of Galilee, partook in a revolt against Agrippa II before being slain by a rival Zealot leader.
* Vespasian, c.70, according to Josephus[4]
* Simon bar Kokhba (?- ca. 135), founded a short-lived Jewish state before being defeated in the Second Jewish-Roman War.
* Moses of Crete (?), who in about 440-470 convinced the Jews of Crete to attempt to walk into the sea to return to Israel; he disappeared after that disaster.
* Ishak ben Ya’kub Obadiah Abu ‘Isa al-Isfahani (684-705), who led a revolt in Persia against the Umayyad Caliph ‘Abd al-Malik ibn Marwan.
o Yudghan (?), a disciple of Abu ‘Isa who continued the faith after Isa was slain.
* Serene (?), who around 720 claimed to be the Messiah and advocated expulsion of Muslims and relaxing various rabbinic laws before being arrested; he then recanted.
* David Alroy (?), born in Kurdistan, who around 1160 agitated against the caliph before being assassinated.
* Nissim ben Abraham (?), active around 1295.
* Moses Botarel of Cisneros (?), active around 1413; claimed to be a sorcerer able to combine the names of God.
* Asher Lemmlein (?), a German near Venice who proclaimed himself a forerunner of the Messiah in 1502.
* David Reubeni (1490-1541?) and Solomon Molcho (1500-1532), adventurers who travelled in Portugal, Italy, and Turkey; Molcho was eventually burned at the stake by the Pope.
* A mostly unknown Czech Jew from around the 1650s.[5]
* Sabbatai Zevi (1626-1676), an Ottoman Jew who claimed to be the Messiah, but then converted to Islam; still has followers today in the Donmeh.
o Barukhia Russo (Osman Baba), successor of Sabbatai Zevi.
o Jacob Querido (?-1690), claimed to be the new incarnation of Sabbatai; later converted to Islam and led the Donmeh.
o Miguel Cardoso (1630-1706), another successor of Sabbatai who claimed to be the “Messiah ben Ephraim.”
o Mordecai Mokia (1650-1729), “the Rebuker,” another person who proclaimed himself Messiah after Sabbatai’s death.
o Löbele Prossnitz (?-1750), a proven fraud who nevertheless attained some following amongst former followers of Sabbatai, calling himself the “Messiah ben Joseph.”
* Jacob Joseph Frank (1726-1791), who claimed to be the reincarnation of King David and preached a synthesis of Christianity and Judaism.
* Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1902-1994), the seventh Chabad Rabbi who tried to “prepare the way” for the Messiah. Some of his followers believe him to be the Messiah, but this belief is declining.[6]
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2:46 pm
”Your local pastor is also a great resource for sexual issues. He is there to help!”
Yes for rape us!
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2:48 pm
if jesus died for my sisn….doesn’t that mean that god won’t punish me for my sins?
you just shot yourself in the foot billings.
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8:00 pm
I wonder if u spoke outload this joke of a thought process to yourself if u could actually fiinally understand why it would seem so crazy to the normal everyday human being. If u truly believe even one thing of what u have sad u are literally out of your mind.
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1:10 pm
Dear Mr. Billings. As an Ex Catholic school boy, and son of a Theologian, I can assure you that I am quite versed in the origins of religious faiths. I would like to point out to you, and other readers of these posts. That dualism in religion was created around 3000 years ago, in ancient Persia. Which is now Iran. Dualism was started by a Prophet named Zoroaster.
This individual amalgamated all the Good Gods, and all the Bad Gods, in to two. Those being “Ahura Mazda” and “Ahriman” respectively. Google these definitions – define:ahura mazda, define:ahriman.
The word “Propaganda” means, and I’m talking about it’s original meaning, means, literally “The Office for the Propagation of the Faith”. You can Google that to, or just
go here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congregatio_de_propaganda_fide. What I find quite interesting Sir, is the fact that you are proselytising an arugment in which you seem to have little, or no, origin of its underlying origins. When attempting to coerce, and or condition another, it is vital that the persuader first be fully versed on the subject for rebuttal.
One needs only to look through the annals of historical argument to ascertain the proof of such failures. One of the major Propagandist concepts, is that of “Stressing High Moral
Principals”. This action immediately puts the persuader on a somewhat higher ground, than that of the recipient of the persuasion attempt. Yet it is inherantly fraught with failure.
For it is generally accepted within the Propagandist community, that the high moral principal methodology, only works when used in conjunction with another Propagandist concept. That
being “False Urgency”. I would implore you Sir, to reconsider the origins of your argument. And Faith. For you left yourself wide open. However, that is only because you believe in
something which was originally set up as a method of control by the State. You can research that in any Encyclopedia. Or read it hear, http://www.kjv-only.com/rick/bancroft.html. I would
also like to direct you to one of the most basic tenets of the KJV. That being, “Let He Who Is Without Sin, Cast The First Stone”, John 8:7. http://bible.cc/john/8-7.htm.
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12:39 pm
If you were really a journalist, you’d know that “irregardless” is not a word.
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12:42 pm
I hate when people use that word, too. Pet peeve…
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12:57 pm
ir·re·gard·less [ir-i-gahrd-lis] Show IPA
–adverb Nonstandard .
regardless.
Origin:
1910–15; ir-2 (prob. after irrespective ) + regardless
—Can be confused: irregardless, regardless (see usage note at this entry ).
—Usage note
Irregardless is considered nonstandard because of the two negative elements ir- and -less. It was probably formed on the analogy of such words as irrespective, irrelevant, and irreparable. Those who use it, including on occasion educated speakers, may do so from a desire to add emphasis. Irregardless first appeared in the early 20th century and was perhaps popularized by its use in a comic radio program of the 1930s.
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2010.
Word Origin & History
irregardless
an erroneous word that, etymologically, means the exact opposite of what it is used to express, attested in non-standard writing from at least 1870s (e.g. “Portsmouth Times,” Portsmouth, Ohio, U.S.A., April 11, 1874: “We supported the six successful candidates for Council in the face of a strong opposition. We were led to do so because we believed every man of them would do his whole duty, irregardless of party, and the columns of this paper for one year has [sic] told what is needed.”); probably a blend of irrespective and regardless . Perhaps inspired by the double negative used as an emphatic.
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper
ir·re·gard·less (ĭr’ĭ-gärd’lĭs)
adv. Nonstandard
Regardless.
[Probably blend of irrespective and regardless .]
Usage Note : Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
The funny thing is that until Billings started writing on Christwire, I’d never heard of the word “irregardless”.
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12:47 pm
Wanker. The end.
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12:54 pm
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1:03 pm
You christians are so full of shit!
Read this instead! http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/masturbation-guide
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1:54 pm
This is hilarious, better than the Onion.
Actual thought it was serious for a minute there.
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1:55 pm
I am fairly certain that anyone would run out of the room very quickly if a man “pressed his nose to a young man’s mattress, inhaled deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announced, “That smells like semen.”
I really would have no interest in hanging out with a man that knows so well what semen smells like that he can detect it, like a blood hound, on someone’s sheets.
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2:07 pm
everyone masturbates. you touch yourself in the shower to wash? or do you just not wash down there. Couples that masturbate together live longer, healthier, happier lives together. By masturbating you are releasing endorphins and it makes you happier. Well, you’d know that if you could find someone to slob your knob but from the look and sound of you, i’d say you cant even get a hooker. it’s a shame really. There’s free porn on the internet. take a gander. it’s ok i’ll distract jesus. obviously you Mr. Billings could benefit from a little tickle and giggle every now and then. Go ahead, double click your mouse. Sit on your hand till it falls asleep and play the stranger game.
ps. The bible also states that God and Jesus will forgive your sins. So pull the buttplug out of your behind and quit bitching about this stuff. Obviously you cannot find a woman or keep one with your extremist religious beliefs.
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2:23 pm
So let’s think in terms of the unwise and wise.
By biased basis of this site, it’s immoral and wrong to do anything deemed natural by today’s standards. First of all – If it’s so wrong to have self gratification, tell me why Dolphins also have sex for pleasure. If one of “god’s creatures,” why then does it indulge itself to their inner most desires? By the way – Dolphins are also very sentient.
Now, those pictures above showing the faces of masturbaters is bigotry and false. Not to mention that it’s stereotypical and profiling. I wear jeans, an untucked shirt and wear a hat sometimes. This doesn’t mean that I’m a chronic masturbator. It just means I like to dress comfortable. Also – The looks of guilt are quite normal for people in everyday life, not just because they’re masturbators.
Christianity closed mindedness is the bane of society. To not be able to accept the way things change and the way things work in today’s world is complete ignorance.
However, I respect your right to free speech, but what I won’t stand for is your lot poisoning my own childrens’ heads with your nonsense. For the sake of the real country and for the sake of the future of mine and my childrens lives, please keep your nonsensical crap out of our media.
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2:32 pm
So is it a problem if you have other people masturbate for you all the time? Because I never touch my penis, I even have some one else hold it while I pee and every thing. I know I’m not going to hell because I’m too damn rich, but I’m worried about the poor people.
-Matt Damon
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2:51 pm
WHAT??? REALLY??? this is EVIL?? i really hope this was a joke!
masturbation is NOT WRONG OR EVIL! would you rather have them having sex??
hm…
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3:04 pm
If you haven’t realized that this whole site is a joke, and they are being satirical and just trying to be as extreme and racist / closeminded as possible to point out and exaggerate the ridiculousness of some christian organizations, then you are retarded.
After reading all of the articles on this site, or even one of them, you should realize immediately that it’s just taking extreme christian views and making them even more extreme for the sake of showing you how ridiculous some of them can be.
What REALLY shocks me though, is how the authors will comment on each article SPECIFICALLY TRYING TO GET YOUR GOAT, and how easy it is for them to take said goat, and then rape it until it’s dead.
You guys are seriously SO gullible, it is amazing. Truly, the joke is on you.
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4:00 pm
Evidently, “Not an idiot’s” goat was stolen by those who replied. “I think I will miss you most of all scarecrow.”
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3:10 pm
Onan was killed for his greed, no for masturbating, and masturbating has been proven to decrease the chances of getting prostate cancer in men dramatically…just an fyi
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3:37 pm
Don’t masturbate, fuck a little kid in the ass.
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3:54 pm
Are you serious? Have we come, no pun intended, to trying to identify masturbators? Is the person who wrote this article a complete idiot, or just a chronic masturbatory bed sheet sniffer? First of all, where is the science behind this person’s claims? This article has no evidence to support his claims. Let me tell you how to spot a masturbator, look in the mirror, and there you have it. I think this author should quit trying to project his shame in participating in masturbatory fun and just have a good time playing with what God gave you.
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5:20 pm
LOL guys this is clearly a troll post and its hilarious. Nobody in their right minds would post something like this and be serious about it
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5:42 pm
Are you serious? You guys are all dumb asses. Humans are here to reproduce. We get horny, and need some release. We end up fapping. It’s no big deal, and anyone who says different needs to be locked up where no one has to hear their stupid bullshit. Dumb ass christians.
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5:58 pm
Oh, sweet sweet ChristWire.
You are adorable in your closed minded views of how the world works. The one thing that does make me sad is that you do make levelheaded non-extremist Christian groups look bad.
BUT HEY SOMEONES GOTTA DO IT, RIGHT?
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6:38 pm
I personally love to polish the rocket you know spank the monkey, choke the chicken, kill some knuckle baby’s, or pound the piss pump if you will. Back when i was just a little amateur wanker spending those long summer days watching my father fucking horses while giving a perfect reach around just made me want to run in the house and fuck my sister in the ass. i couldn’t of course, she was just recovering from her fourth abortion from her and my fathers excessive drinking family fun nights.So i went to my mothers room, pulled out the honey moon video as i had done so many times before . my dick was hard before i could press play. just i started stroking my cock my mother walk in. She looked at me and said hurry the fuck up. me, your, sister and your daddy need this room soon.
god do i miss those day.
hail Satan
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6:46 pm
This is the most judgmental and arrogant website I’ve ever seen. I thought you christians were supposed to be understanding and save the judgment for christ? I know I’m not wrong on that because I used to be christian. When you judge someone else you are a sinner. Tend to your own garden. I seriously hope you die a horrible death. and when you do die, there is no after life. Only people running from their past and hiding from something are so judgmental of how other people live their life. I know you will feel vindicated and justified that you are a better person than me because of what I’ve said here. But you thinking you are better than me, is very, very un-christlike. christ forgives and would expect you to act the same way. Not hate and judge everyone as if they are sub-human because you can’t face the fact that GOD IS IMAGINARY!!!!!
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6:48 pm
Mr. Billings,
You claimed you researched this topic. I would like to know what sources you read/watched to come to some of these conclusions. For example, why wearing sunglasses is “uniform” to a masturbator?
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7:54 pm
I’m a christian, I thought this site is pathetic. God would say “Go get a frakin life” . People who write article in this site should be ashamed of themselves.
I call this article a hypocrite. Quit fucking embarrassing the Christianity.
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8:33 pm
This is one (of the many) reasons that I condemn religion. Teaching parents how to teach their kids how to be disrespectful to others? Wanting to embarrass their children for a natural, normal thing that Mother Nature Herself made? Trust me, I do not look guilty after I masturbate. I look quite lovely, to be honest. I masturbate with my partner, too. I love to watch him masturbate. Animals masturbate. PEOPLE LIKE YOU are making religion obsolete. They are seeing it for what it is. A bunch of crazy people who hate and pontificate instead of treating each other with kindness and goodness. You judge. Keep doing it. You are alienating people. When all the old Christians die out, Christianity will be done. Sell the churches and turn them into non-profit organizations that can actually help communities suffering from addictions (oh, my how sinful…do you understand WHY people become addicts? Do you care or are they just sinners, too?) and the grieving and the lonely and all the other normal, but painful human conditions. You can’t help these people. You are too far removed, reading some book written by a bunch of men (never speaks to women…your book). The sad thing is, Christianity could probably help a few folks who need that crutch, but you alienated them all. This is sick stuff you’re doing. It completely goes against my beliefs. It offends me deeply and my goddess, Mother Nature. Shame on you.
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8:49 pm
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8:50 pm
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8:52 pm
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8:55 pm
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8:55 pm
Billings, you are a first class, top shelf moron. You site no sources. You apparently just make things up and pull things out of your ass to fit your warped view of the world.
Masturbation can cause cancer? Really? Please cite the medical study that showed these results. In fact you can’t because no such study has ever found this. In fact, many studies have shown that the more orgasms a man has in his life time the lower his chances for prostate cancer is. And it does not matter what causes the orgasm. Sex or masturbation. It keeps the prostrate cleaned out. It is believed that semen sitting in the gland for a long period of time, essentially becoming stale and dead causes one or more form of prostate cancer. So you are actually advocating people do the exact thing that may cause prostate cancer. Well done you pin head.
This is a perfect example of why I believe that really hard line Christians are a real danger in many ways to healthy and sane people.
You and anyone who buys into this crap needs help. I am a happy, healthy 42 year old married father of 5. I have a job that earns me right at $100,000 a year. My wife and I have been married for 21 years and we are commonly told that we are the happiest married couple that our friends and family know. We have a wonderful life. And guess what, she and I both masturbate almost every day. And I am sure that our older children do as well. They are all happy and healthy normal kids. They have friends, they have boyfriends and girlfriends. All three of them make straight A’s and B’s in school and have part time jobs after school. Two of them play sports and one plays in the school band and has won individual and group competitions for her instrument. My family alone proves that your “theory” is complete and utter bull shit and that you are a complete and utter fraud. You are a sad little man who is afraid of his own sexuality and of the “naughty” thoughts that you have. Everyone has them dip shit. They are fucking normal and healthy. Thinking the way you do is the unhealthy thought pattern.
Seek help. You need it.
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12:09 am
um… Mike… the whole site is satire. It’s taking the piss out of all the right-wing, ‘Christian’ whack jobs out there. The sadder fact is that you (and me initially) truly thought this was genuine. People really, actually, do think like this – so many, in fact, that you and I and hundreds more thought it smacked of reality.
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10:27 pm
Even though I know it’s fake, it still gets me.
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9:45 pm
Chronic masturbater here.
Me and jesus use to jerk off to each other and then have anul sex
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9:59 pm
Okay. I’m a Christian, and it’s crap like this that makes us look bad to other people, so, just saying: Way to go. This really just sounds like a rebirth of the Salem witch trials.
You’re seriously telling me that you’ve never gone a little further than touching yourself as a kid? Yeah, that’s bull.
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10:07 pm
Is this article for real? Masturbation is a healthy, normal part of life! If your “God” is so caring and loving, he wouldn’t mind that his people enjoy having orgasms!! Mastrubation causes cancer? Wow! I just feel like masturbating and ejaculating all over your “Holy” fucking bible! Live long and be miserable bible thumpers.
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10:18 pm
Best ways to spot a chronic masturbator:
1: Hairy palms
2: Blindness
..At least so I’ve heard.
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11:34 pm
http://www.google.com/trends?q=porn%2C+jobs%2C+facebook%2C+youtube&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all&sort=0
just another look at google search stats
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11:42 pm
This web site is nothing but blasphemy. You are not Christians. You are nothing but moral terrorists. You only care about YOUR personal agenda. Please do not use The Saviors name in vain.
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12:01 am
The other way to tell that the college student in the pic is a masturbator of the first order, is by his t-shirt. Duran Duran, I mean really. Gay and a masturbator, that fellow has just one strike left before he’s on the Highway To Hell. (Praise be to AC/DC and their soul-saving, God-fearing hymns of piety.)
The other way to tell is ask if he’s a republican. And then ask whether Sarah Palin ‘does it for him’. Turns red and mumbles something? Masturbator!
Of course, the sure-fire way to tell is with this one simple question? Are you human? Over 13? Masturbator! Game, set and match my fellow wackers.
Love the site boys! I thought high-quality satire was dead, but no! Yay!
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1:08 am
HAHAHAHA holy freaking god EVERYONE I JUST ADDED THIS GUY ON FACEBOOK! go look up Stevenson Billings!
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1:25 am
It says billings works with kids.
I wouldn’t bring my kid to him, You know this article is a lie when you read “The danger this passage suggests has been proven by contemporary medical science, not just with the spread of STDs, but also because masturbation is directly connected to yeast infections in women and prostate cancer in young men (see “Masturbation May Cause Cancer”). In extreme cases, it has been known to lead to such dire scenarios as retarded ejaculation, urethral trauma and penile fracture.”
It decreases it, if you’re seriously, than you give the christians with there heads screwed on a bad name.
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1:31 am
Denial’s not just a river in Egypt. As a friend of mine use to say, “There are two kinds of guys. Those who masturbate and those who won’t admit to it.” You’re a huge fag that needs to get laid ASAP or at least jack-off and relieve some pent up stress. People like you give normal Christians a bad name. And by normal I mean the one’s that aren’t psychotic or repressed to the point where they feel they need to write some bull-shit with no facts what so ever. Here’s a tip: next time the voice in your head tells you to spout off a bunch of stupidity, ignore it. Then go see a psychiatrist because there’s something seriously fucked up in your head.
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1:39 am
I thought this was a fake article when a friend of mine sent me the link. I am thoroughly shocked that someone wrote this 100% seriously.
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2:42 am
OMG my friend posted this on his facebook……and I thought it was like one of those de-motivational poster thingys….this made my night, thank you crazy religious ppl for the awesome laugh-fest I just had!!
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2:45 am
A lack of sexual self-indulgence, like masturbation, leads to pedophilia and child molestation.
Proof?
The constant Catholic church sex scandals.
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2:49 am
Every man or woman masturbates.
FACT.
Masturbation is good for you.
FACT.
You’re an idiot.
FACT.
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3:15 am
all i can deduct from reading this article and these comments is that no matter whether you masturbate or not, religious people are still a bunch of wankers.
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3:15 am
My goat was got good. Thank you, Christwire.
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3:33 am
“For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused. It has a steamrolling effect, encouraging individuals to think more about sex and less about their work at hand.” AT HAND!! …priceless!:))
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3:54 am
I’m a girl and looove the body god gave me. I’m happy to say that I participate in a little self-jiggery pokery. It’s well worth going to the bad place for!
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4:21 am
I’m really worried that masturbation is a occupational health and safety risk. I didn’t know that. I have two people who report to me at work. Both are young, female and quite attractive. One is a Christian so she probably masturbates. Can anybody suggest how I can sensitively raise the issue of this important safety matter?
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1:45 pm
ahahahahahhahahahaaa!!!
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4:29 am
People who repress their sexuality tend to be the ones that end up having embarrassing ‘lapses of faith’ later on, i.e. Bush’s old buddy Ted Haggard- look what happened to him. Also, for a Christian website, it seems a liitle odd that you give people the ability to ‘praise’ or ‘condemn’ each other. Isn’t God supposed to be the only one who can judge? Do some research from sources that aren’t written by the church for a change, take your heads out your asses and stop filtering ignornat shit onto the internet. You stupid, stupid fucks.
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1:46 pm
good stuff stephen
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5:16 am
I’m having a Tommy Tank as I read this
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7:04 am
anyone else get the feeling that this guy is a major masturbator loving child molester?
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7:40 am
this sounds like something a child molester bishop would write to convince moms into sending him their horny kids.
steven, you are disgusting !
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7:42 am
What a superlative article. If I can overcome my tendancy to procrastinate, I shall be sure to raise your point regarding the hidden dangers of masturbation in the worksplace at our next health and safety meeting. I for one would feel mighty proud if ours became the first company in the world to include masturbation as one of our ‘top ten fatal risks’.
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8:13 am
OMG!!! I’m a legitmate journalist and this is simple self-righteous crap!
I work for a REAL newspaper in the military. A REAL journalist knows to
use true facts and figures to make their point. You can have an opinion and
be able to write it, but you can’t pose as a legitimate journalist without
having even ONE fact to back yourself up. There is absolutely nothing wrong
with masturbating. EVERYONE does it. It’s been proven to help relieve stress
in both male and female. Human beings are naturally sexual creatures. In fact,
other than dolphins, we are the only species to have sex just for pleasure.
I wouldn’t have a problem with this “article” if it was anti sex before
marriage, simply because that’s a normal topic among Christian groups. However,
what kind of message are you really sending saying that someone can’t
masturbate. Think about it. Catholic priests, for example, (and before you
decide to judge me as you have been doing throughout the comments and with this
“article” alone, I am Catholic) aren’t allowed to relieve themselves. Now the
church is having major problems with child molestation cases. I’m not saying
that all priests molest alter boys, but I am saying that maybe if they didn’t
believe this tripe, rape and molestation may decrease among radical Christians.
Another point, you want to defend the Nazi race? Are you even aware that Hitler
was a drug addict? He popped more pills than Rush Limbaugh! AND, the Nazi soldiers
were given countless prescriptions in order to continue with their heinous crimes
against humanity. Another note, Hitler may never have masturbated, but it’s been
found in his journals that he would orgasism when he delivered many of his
speeches. In a way, wouldn’t that be a form of masturbation? Billings, I have to
say that you are helping soil the beautiful name of Christian. Especially, since
“thou shall not judge lest thee be judged” Those are words to live by my friend.
I suggest the next time you want to go into a tizzy about what other people are doing
maybe you should look in the mirror and wonder what you are doing wrong. On a final
note, you’re judging based on looks. Have you looked in a mirror? You look umkept
just like those who you claim are sinning because they masturbate. Your hair is messy.
You look like you’ve eaten one too many cheeseburgers and don’t even know what a
pair of sneakers can be used for. I hate to point all this out, but it’s utter
self righteousness to write this tripe. I’m also a mother, and I don’t care that my
teen relieves himself. I would rather he masturbate than stick his penis in everything
that walks. Can’t catch a disease when you masturbate!
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10:09 pm
Elle, legitimate journalists know how to capitalize words properly and don’t use childish expressions like “omg!!!”.
As for the homosexual Catholic priests who rape boys, maybe if they didn’t masturbate so much, they wouldn’t have this problem. Masturbation encourages sexual fantasies. If they had abstained as they should have, then this molestation thing wouldn’t be a problem.
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10:15 pm
Actually, it allows the person to remove built-up sexual tension. And sexual fantasies aren’t wrong at all- they’re perfectly normal. They’re only wrong when you don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy. You fat pig.
http://www.jackinworld.com/ – Educate yourself.
Masturbation is a good thing.
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10:44 pm
“Elle, legitimate journalists know how to capitalize words properly and don’t use childish expressions like “omg!!!”.”
Billings, legitimate journalists know how to properly cite sources and don’t have to resort to bolding and underlining sentences in order to make a point.
Perhaps you should get lessons from my sister, who just graduated from American University, as magna cum laude, majoring in Journalism and minoring in Political Science.
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0
8:52 am
It’s satire you thick twats.. Look at the facial expressions, do you people not have a sense of humour?
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6
9:03 pm
I am willing to stand up for what I believe in. Would you do the same?
“But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened. Take Courage.” –1 Peter 3:14.
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10
9:03 am
lololololol
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1
9:15 am
calm down guys, this entire website is elaborate satire. a bit of poe’s law undermining the true crackpot fundamentalists out there.
the real gold is the odd poster on some of the articles who doesn’t see the joke and agrees. lol.
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9:54 am
Mr. Billings, you are an idiot. This is why the world is so screwed up, because no matter stupid (love Nazis for their goodness or just about every word in this article) someone, somewhere will believe you, thus creating a new generation screwed up kids. Do the world a favor and tattoo “Idiot” on your forehead. That way you can save a lot of your time not having to write garbage like this; we will know who you are right away. Try comedy next time. This article was funnier than Hell. When I saw your pictures of reference. I laughed so hard I came in my pants!
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1
9:56 am
Holy crap! At first this was some of the funniest shit I have seen in a long time!
…..Unfortunately I am slowing coming to the realization that this is not from The Onion and the author is serious. That is disturbing. This is some serious christian-kookery.
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11:39 am
Mr Billings,
I am going to preface this with the fact that I am not personally a religious man, I believe in a higher power but choose not to affiliate myself with any organized institution as I feel out relationship with God is such a personal one, that it’s best left to ourselves. That being said you will likely discard my views since I am a ‘sinning heathen’, but I feel the need to express my views regardless.
This article is an insult not only to the reader, but journalism and Christianity as a whole. This is exactly the type of thing that makes people like me, a young man who would love to explore his spirituality, refuse to even consider Christianity. This kind of over-zealous, fear mongering and posturing could only possibly be taken seriously by the deranged or immensely ignorant. There are no citations for any of your claims and even worse you are making masturbation out to be a horrible thing. That’s the reason so many individuals in the religious right are sexually deviant, because people like you have conditioned them to be ashamed of a perfectly natural and healthy process. Furthermore, content aside, your article is poorly written and conceived. In your diagram you say one sign of a masturbator is ‘loose fitting clothes’ then just below that you say ‘tight jeans’ (to apparently hide erections, which leads me to believe you’ve never had an erection, especially in tight jeans). So which is it? This is mindless drivel and you are a sorry excuse for a writer and a human being. ‘Judge not lest ye be judged’…or did you conveniently forget that part?
Oh and the part about smelling the bed and stating that it smells like semen is disgusting, perverse and completely non-nonsensical; what child wouldn’t be embarrassed and leave the room if their mother said something of that ilk? Even if he hadn’t done anything he’d be embarrassed by it. Furthermore you are promoting deceiving your own child and humiliating them. That’s not terribly Christian of you Mr. Billings, in fact it’s rather monstrous. I’m certain there is a special corner of Hell for hypocrites and charlatans such as yourself.
~Nick
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9:01 pm
Dear Nick, you are an imbecile. Your crude attempt to cut up my journalism fails at every level. You are a liberal weak-kneed scumbag. Please save your hate for more worthy causes, like the global terrorists who want to destroy our way of life and enslave our women. I am here to share the love of my faith and it’s ignorant people like you who want to stop me instead of standing up for Patriotism and traditional values. I am fighting for YOU too, did you know that? The decent people of America have to stick together against the hoards at our borders. You are like a French men at the Maginot line. I feel sorry for you.
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14
9:10 pm
Dear Billings, you are a retarded fuck head whose wife and mother are the same person. You live in a one bedroom apartment with a dog named spot, which you have sexual intercourse with while masturbating to gay porn… and fingering your wife who is also your mother. You then lick up spot’s semen (because spot is fucking you in the ass) and regurgitate it into a jar to use as future lubricant for fingering your wife/mother. This is well researched, you cannot refute it. It is as true as your post… irrefutable.
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9:27 pm
“Please save your hate for more worthy causes”
Like calling people imbeciles and weak-kneed scumbags.
“the global terrorists who want to destroy our way of life and enslave our women.”
They don’t want to enslave our women any more than you Christians do. According to the quotes you’re so famous for posting, you believe that women should be silent in church, that we are lesser and come from a “defective” gene, that we should stay in the home.
“I am fighting for YOU too, did you know that?”
As commanders of our own fates, WE get to determine who’s fighting for us and what is being fought for us, NOT you.
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10:06 pm
I hate to say this, but you really wouldn’t talk this way if you had a man in your life.
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10:36 pm
“I hate to say this, but you really wouldn’t talk this way if you had a man in your life.”
Okkkkaaaayyyy….so one second you’re telling me that I’m too young to know words such as penis and testicles, and the next second you’re telling me that I need a man in my life…
And what did you mean by that sexist comment anyway? That a man would control me? Hah! Fat chance! If any man tried to control me then you might as well rename me “Lorena Bobbit”.
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12:07 pm
Here is a simple method of physically restricting masturbation.
Some members of my church have used Super Glue to seal the entrance of their daughter’s vaginas and/or fastening down the hood on the little man-in-the-boat that dirty girls fiddle with. (This resulted in an infection for two of the girls because the urine hole was inadvertently pinched off – so be aware not to restrict the salty squirt)
Super Glue has also been employed in controlling four randy young men in the congregation by affixing the penis to the scrotum such that the penis cannot rise upon sinful thought. This results in the added benefit of humiliating the masterbaters as they must sit to urinate. Young members of our church fully understand the consequence of sinful thought and no semen or honey has dripped in our church for almost two years now.
Praise God! and thank him for Super Glue.
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9
3:00 pm
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. you sir are going to hell in a handbasket…..
I am a professional personality profiler and can say without any doubt that the indavidual who wrote this post is a certified child molester. someone find him and have him investigated and arrested ASAP!
SAVE THE CHILDREN!
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12:29 pm
How To Spot A Masturbator
Its Easy to spot look to your left look to your right
If no one is Masturbating then chances are your doin
g it right now
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1
12:39 pm
Dear Mr.Billings….you are the biggest piece of shit ever. I am going to skull fuck your mother, while foundling her fish smellying cunt…. then i am going to pull out of her and explode my herpes infested load in your fuckin face!…Good Day to You sir
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0
1:28 pm
Screw how to spot a masterbater,,, try How to spot a Child Molestor. Rule one, whoever wrote this article is hands downs 100% child molestor. Someone should be watching this dude.
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2:26 pm
Dear friends in faith, I realize many of you have been too intimated to post because of the severe number of spammers and hateful children who have come here to post threats and sex stories. I thank you for the emails of prayer and support, it is truly glorious to know we have a loving Christian community despite a few rabble rousers.
As for you children, I feel sorry for the disgusting things you have said and rightly hope your parents are watching your web history so they may visit this article and learn. For those of you young people confused about the adult issues here, I highly recommend you email this link to your Mom and schedule a talk about masturbation and what it means to you. It will be important and will help you learn about the consequences. A mother is a boy’s greatest resource for questions of faith and masturbation.
God bless you my friends and be good to yourselves!
Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist
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19
2:55 pm
Mr Billings,
1. You are not a journalist, you’re peddler of propaganda and filth
2. I did e-mail your article to my mother as a matter of fact and she was laughing hysterically, she thinks you’re just as big of a phoney and a crack pot as I do.
You are a farce and a reprehensible, evangelical joke. The word journalist implies that you have researched a topic and are disseminating useful and accurate information, which you obviously don’t. You’re a ill informed, ignorant, loud mouth who has finally found a forum for your slander.
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8:44 pm
You may enjoy mocking my faith, but it only makes me stronger. I rise up in this challenge and my devotion to our Lord Jesus Christ will triumph over your short-sighted discrimination.
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15
3:06 pm
I see the evil in your comments, Mr. Billings. There’s an evil side in you, I know you know it’s there. Maybe if you let it out you might see the Real Truth. Repressing emotions and sexuality is unhealthy for the spirit. We see this in the Catholic priests.
I am praying to MY Father that you may find The Light. I fear it may be too late for you though. You are drowning yourself with perpetuating lies.
This is a Free-Will world. So leave us the fuck alone!
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2:56 pm
Not a very good Investigative Journalist are you. You assume that the people posting on here disagreeing with your wild and inaccurate views are ‘kids’. What is more childish than ignoring the truth and blaming it on ‘children’ and giving yourself a false and supposedly ‘impressive’ title of Investigative Journalist?
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0
2:58 pm
“Dear friends in faith, I realize many of you have been too intimated to post because of the severe number of spammers and hateful children who have come here to post threats and sex stories.”
Anybody who’s intimidated to post on a blog because of the comments of other people is a pussy.
“I thank you for the emails of prayer and support, it is truly glorious to know we have a loving Christian community despite a few rabble rousers.”
It’s pretty sad that you have to resort to fabricating “fanmail”.
“I highly recommend you email this link to your Mom and schedule a talk about masturbation and what it means to you. It will be important and will help you learn about the consequences. A mother is a boy’s greatest resource for questions of faith and masturbation.”
Shouldn’t boys go to their FATHER regarding masturbation?
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8:43 pm
Claire, I receive many notes of support and yes, I suggest a boy’s mother is better equipped to deal with sexual issues since she is the master of the home.
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9:16 pm
“Claire, I receive many notes of support and yes, I suggest a boy’s mother is better equipped to deal with sexual issues since she is the master of the home.”
No, the FATHER is better “equipped”, in more ways than one, to deal with MALE sexual issues, considering how FATHERS have PENISES, TESTICLES, and have the capability to EJACULATE SEMEN. Exactly what does the home have to do with anatomy, biology, and penises? Hopefully once a child is old enough to be masturbating, the mother has left her stay-at-home-mom role and earns an income, just as the father, to support the family, thus making the home the SHARED duty of both mother and father.
Look, I come from a liberal family where we’re not afraid to share medical information with one another, even if that information concerns reproductive health, but if my parents had had boys, no way in hell would my father expect my mother to deal with their puberty issues, any more than my mother expected my father to deal with the puberty issues of me and my sister.
Do mothers know what it’s like to get a random erection in the school hallways, or what it’s like waking up with “blue balls”? Of course not! Just like how fathers don’t know what it’s like to get a period or to bleed through a pad during school, or what to expect when inserting a tampon for the first time.
Stop being so sexist and insisting that mothers deal with everything “domestic”.
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1
10:04 pm
You know far too much biology for someone your age and that will only get you into trouble. The human body is not some scrabble board for you to move game pieces around with your friends. And stop being so obsessed with a boy’s anatomy. You will get there one day, when you meet a decent man, but until then take your mind off sex, please.
And enough with the fruity showtunes. The gays have enough music in their lives.
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18
1:45 pm
I’m a 32 year old man and I don’t know what “blue balls” are. I’m not even sure if I should be ashamed that I don’t know. So Claire could you please enlighten me as to what they are.
And keep up the good work, your intelligence, wit and logic are the bane of Blogger Billing’s life.
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9:34 pm
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9:53 pm
I forwarded your articles to every person I know- even my parents- and they couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard.
I even sent it my old Journalism teacher. Even HE laughed.
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2:30 pm
SMELLS LIKE SEMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA HILARIOUS ANY PARENT THAT ACTUALLY SMELLS THEIR CHILDRENS BEDSHEETS TO CATCH THIER CHILDREN MASTERBATEING IS AN IDIOT AND WILL RAISE SOME PRETTY SCREWED UP CHILDREN……
I WOULD LOVE SOME HIDDEN CAMERA FOOTAGE OF PARENTS DOING THIS AND THEIR CHILDRENS REACTIONS(most likely an “are you retarted” look). I FEEL A NEW YOUTUBE SENSATION COMING ON!!!
what will the Christians think of next?………………..
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0
2:47 pm
Religion: holding the world back since Zeus aquired a beatoff blister.
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0
3:15 pm
Yet more evidence for the end of times, don’t worry my friend 2012 is coming.
Read- The Heriuneimatic 2273 Handbook, by David H. Childress, The 2012: THE REALITY MADE DREAM, by John Bhomas Jr, EHTER TECHNOLOGY (1977), by Rho Sigma (The late Dr. Rolf Schaffranke, of Huntsville, AL), SECRETS OF VOPID-GRAVITY PROPULSION (2008) by PA LaViolette, PhD.
SUBQUANTUM WORMHOLE HIGH-RELATIVITY KINETICS (1994,2003), by PA LaViolette. Stargate is an old story. Now it has finally come to the forefront after 30-years of suppression.
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8:41 pm
“Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption. Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal [must] put on immortality.” –1 Corinthians 15:50-53.
The end times is not some wormhole, it is the reckoning of God.
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3:24 pm
“One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.””
“Actually, mom, that’s not semen you smell. It’s pussy.”
Be careful what you wish for.
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0
3:49 pm
Yes, stick your nose into your sons’ mattress and take a huge wiff of their cum!
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0
4:14 pm
WOW whoever wrote this article is a dipshit, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MASTURBATING. Its completely natural and is good for your health. Stop living in the 1900′s.
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1
5:07 pm
Several people have brought up the possibility that the author of this article is a troll. I’m about 80 percent sure that’s true. If you read his posts carefully, some of the things he says, and the way he says them suggest that he is goading the more secularly-inclined members of the internet (i.e. 99% of us). If that is the case, then 100 internets to you Mr. Billings. You have successfully caused a bunch of liberal secular hippy ignoramuses (ignorami?) to flip their shit, and that is truly the spirit of internet trolling. Look up that term if you don’t know what I’m talking about.
If you are for real Mr. Billings, then I must say that I disagree with you. I definitely think many people in our society (the West) masturbate too much (I sure do!) but masturbation, even regular masturbation, really isn’t a huge deal. It’s not a significant health or social concern. I can definitely see how you consider it a spiritual issue, since pretty much every religion ever has advocated a regulated, controlled, un-impulsive sex life. I just think you’re going too far in advocating your position, and you will never, ever win your argument because the internet is overwhelmingly a place for liberal, secular folks. Furthermore, you are pretty bad at arguing; you don’t seem to address the points of your opponents, even on the rare occasions when they aren’t written by a goddamn illiterate under the age of 25. To conclude, please view the attached image. I’m about 80 percent sure it will make you smile.
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15 
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8:38 pm
Another child come here to reveal his maturity by calling me ugly, “a troll” no less. Well, thank you for revealing the education level of the average internet user. I am happy with who I am and in my younger days I was an athlete and a capable one at that. I don’t need a bunch of anonymous internet punks with crude drawings to mock me. How are you for real? Show you real face and name to me? No, I don’t think you would dare. I am five times the man you will ever hope to be. It makes me sad that you little people can so easily harass from behind a keyboard. You’re all so tough on the internet, but I doubt you’d dare stutter a word in my presence. You people are simply pathetic and I will do as Christ commands and turn the other cheek.
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1 
21
9:21 pm
“I am five times the man you will ever hope to be.”
Of course you are…in body mass index.
“You’re all so tough on the internet, but I doubt you’d dare stutter a word in my presence.”
If I was in your presence, I’d rip you a new asshole.
“You people are simply pathetic and I will do as Christ commands and turn the other cheek.”
After ranting about it, of course.
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0
10:01 pm
You’re not at all funny. Just childish and crude.
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19
10:16 pm
“You’re not at all funny. Just childish and crude.”
I wasn’t trying to be funny, Mr. Clown.
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2
10:20 pm
Look who’s calling who childish now. Ya goddamn hypocrite.
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1
1:55 pm
I thought what Claire said was funny, especially the body mass index bit. Guess you just have no sense of humour.
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9:42 pm
Billings and Claire, you big, funny fakers. I wish I could have a job like yours!
Please, you posters, if you don’t know Poe’s Law, please, oh please, use this link: http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe%27s_Law
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2
5:20 pm
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1
5:24 pm
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1
6:37 pm
oh, i can’t bear it! you guys are so kookie!!
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6:39 pm
No wonder the western would is so messed up with Christianity being the predominant religion. With beliefs like these you aught to be placed in a mental institution. The most shocking part of this article for me was:
“This young man is putting his future at risk by devoting more time to masturbation than to looking for employment, socializing within his community and preparing himself for marriage. If pushed, he will lie, cheat and steal to support his habit.”
First of all and most importantly this young man (if he does in-fact exist) does not need to marry if he does not want to. Second, masturbating does not prevent you from being a functional human being and is a natural and important part of going through puberty. If you want to believe a book written by uninformed loonies calming things that go against the natural laws of this world instead of you’re natural instincts and logic then be my guest, but please for the love of your own god, do not shove this nonsense down other peoples throats.
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8:34 pm
You really want to condone a life of sin, a life without morality and faith, a life without any direction or any civil justice at all? Well, why don’t we let all the criminals and rapists out of jail so they can be free of dogma, free to express themselves by your worldview. You are a fool and a cretin. Save your worries for your own pathetic life.
If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believeth.” –Mark 9:23.
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11
9:17 pm
“Hard to see the Dark Side is.” – Yoda
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0
2:13 am
Stephenson Billings – “You are a fool and a cretin.”
(Matthew 5:22) – “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.”
It hurts to have your own text used against you doesn’t it. Maybe you should take a little bit of time to do a little research in your own book, and about your own book, before you blow a gasket and show the real side of Christianity. The side that is incapable of accepting truth, the real world, and using logic.
Do you still believe the earth is flat? I hope not, it’s been proven it isn’t, just as the Bible (why did I even capitalize this disgraceful piece of badly written fiction) has been proven to be un-reliable, written by many sources other than the claimed, and a fictitious book used for governmental control of their citizens back in the un-civilized eras.
You truly need to crawl out of that cave you’re hiding in and educate yourself. Ignorance is only bliss until you show it to others, and you’ve done nothing but show yours all over this website.
May you be touched by his noodly appendage,
Clinton
a.k.a. AtheismPrevails
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0
7:37 pm
Is this real? Seriously?!
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAA
I got the best laugh out of this, omg, if you’re looking for a great comedy read, this is it! At first, I kind of took it seriously, but then seeing the pictures…… just told me, “hey, I made this to either A, look like an uber christ crusader trying to make everyone believe what I believe, and to hell with everyone else in the world, their faith doesn’t matter. I am right, they are wrong, I am perfect, they are only human. Or, choice B, “Just wanted to give the people something to laugh about.”
I must say, poor attempt at real, and serious journalism, but a slam dunk for comedy read.
To those of you who beleieve the stuff in the article, let me ask all of you with kids, if you had to make one and only one choice, out of two choices, which one would you choose? You’re kid could masterbate till he’s blue in the face and where those thousands of babies to be will be disposed of in a tissue, or tube sock, or he can go knock up the other christian good girl down the road, and both become teenage parents. You can only choose one or the other, which do you want?
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7:40 pm
Mr. Billings,
First of all, your “investigative journalism” is entirely one sided. Having JUST taken a reporting class through my university, I know better than to believe someone who refuses to write both sides of a story. This is little more than your opinion and Christian bullshit to back it up.
Second of all, my parents will NEVER see my search history. Know why? I’m an adult. I have my own laptop, my own personal agenda, and my own life. My parents understand that I’m an adult, and I make my own choices as such.
I do not appreciate the implication that because I am young, this writing may be hard to comprehend. I guarantee you, sir, I could comprehend this writing when I was in 6th grade. I’ve always been able to read at a higher level than my age, so don’t go saying that younger people won’t understand because they are young. There are many of us who understand your bigotry just fine.
I am a proud Unitarian Universalist, and I am very glad that people of all faiths and walks of life have been standing up to your stupidity. It’s nice to know that not all Christians are as fucked up and blind as you. There are some Christians who know the words from the Bible, those who understand that masturbation and adultery are NOT the same thing. I will include myself in this group, though I do not claim Christianity as my faith. I grew up in a Christian home, and memorized more of the Bible than most proclaimed Christians ever will.
I know what is right and wrong, by my faith and by the faith of others. I hope you find the light of truth soon, and join the rest of us level headed folk.
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1
8:31 pm
You call yourself a “real” journalist? Give me a flying break, you ignorant little fool. I am so sick and tired of you little freaks bullying me on here. And then you, Mr. High and Mighty comes along to lecture me ME! on being a journalist? Well, let me tell you, you don’t know anything and you have no clue about the real world outside of your ivory tower. Journalists live and breathe, think and feel. Yes, we have opinions! Presenting “both sides of the story” is a fallacy, that whole binary opposition nonsense. You are such a babe in the woods. I pray some day you grow up and learn some real INVESTIGATIVE SKILLS. Until then, save your college essays for you bloated liberal professors.
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1 
17
9:06 pm
“You call yourself a “real” journalist? Give me a flying break, you ignorant little fool.”
Look who’s talking.
“I am so sick and tired of you little freaks bullying me on here.”
Uh-oh, Billings is playing the “you’re mean” card again. Look, you already tried that tactic in your article on video games and jocks, and I admit that I fell for it. I felt bad, and I apologized. However, in my apology I mentioned that respect was a two-way street, and that I’d be nice if you would reciprocate the sentiment. You didn’t, so I decided that I would not fall for the “pity poor old me” act again. So stop whining like a baby, own up to the things you have said on here, and accept the fact that if you can’t respect or even tolerate gays or people who choose to masturbate, then we won’t respect you.
“And then you, Mr. High and Mighty”
I’m pretty sure that everyone on here would agree that you, Mr. Billings, have the biggest ego on this site. You are self-important, arrogant, and egomaniacal. You pat yourself on the back so often, most of them for things that you had no hand in accomplishing, that you’re probably developing a pressure sore.
“to lecture me ME! on being a journalist?”
You have failed as of yet to provide us with your journalism credentials. Until we see them, we won’t take you or your supposed “journalism” seriously.
“Well, let me tell you, you don’t know anything and you have no clue about the real world outside of your ivory tower.”
You’ve accused me on occasion of having no knowledge of the “real world”, and I have proved you wrong each time, so I’m sure that he/she can prove you wrong as well.
“I pray some day you grow up and learn some real INVESTIGATIVE SKILLS.”
You might want to add yourself onto that prayer queue…
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0
9:59 pm
Your discrimination against Christians and your racism towards my people is just appalling. We Christians make up a significant portion of the people on the planet, and all you want to do is tear us down and destroy us with your verbal attacks. What happens next? Do you incite crowds to violence, to grab us from our homes and beat us in the streets? Do you know how many people have been hurt and even murdered in human history for expressing their Christian faith? You are the lowest of the low and yet I still love you and pray for you.
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13
10:11 pm
“Your discrimination against Christians and your racism towards my people is just appalling.”
And your discrimination against homosexuals is just appalling. And dude, how can I be racist against your “people”? I’m white, too, dumbass!
“We Christians make up a significant portion of the people on the planet, and all you want to do is tear us down and destroy us with your verbal attacks.”
So what, because there aren’t as many gay people in the world as there are Christians, you have the right to tear THEM down and destroy THEM with your verbal attacks?
“Do you incite crowds to violence, to grab us from our homes and beat us in the streets?”
Were you high when you wrote that?
“Do you know how many people have been hurt and even murdered in human history for expressing their Christian faith?”
Do you know how many people have been hurt and murdered in human history BY Christians? Oh wait, I forgot, those people are “filthy Muslims”, and you don’t give a shit about them.
“You are the lowest of the low and yet I still love you and pray for you.”
As I’ve said before, I DON’T want your love, and I DON’T want you to pray for me.
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0
10:34 pm
You are what the psychoanalysts would call, “a self-hating white person” and that is racist.
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13
9:20 pm
‘Give me a flying break, you ignorant little fool.”
Wow, “judge not lest ye be judged”? You are so typical of the righteous self important types that turn people away from religeon. What a shame.
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0
7:40 pm
I feel like having a crack now, some little christian bitch put a pic up with your pinky up your ass, just to give me a little inspiration
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1
9:11 pm
the truly sad part is that there are people who actually believe this kind of drivel. I feel sorry for them because they are so easily mislead by idiots like Jim Jones or osama bin laden who preys on ignorance.
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1
9:28 pm
“You may enjoy mocking my faith, but it only makes me stronger.”
Actually it makes you whine like a fucking baby.
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1
9:33 pm
I cum on Jesus all the time. My little Jesus statue right by my bed. I feel like it brings me closer to God. I lost my virginity to God. I’m having his child.
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2
9:35 pm
“your god fucked me in the ass.
jesus christ sucked my fucking ass.
your bible is a piece of trash.
i am the highest power, the leader of the pact.”
-gg allin
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3 
2
9:52 pm
I’m goin to go bust a nut on the mic at a church,
you, what up dawg, fucken priest is acting like he got a dick in his mouth, normally he’s got his dick in some little kids mouth
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1 
1
9:59 pm
Make sure you take your stupid pills before reading this
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1
10:12 pm
Do you not remember what the Arabs did to us on 9/11, Claire, all in the name of their ‘allah’?
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3
7:44 pm
do you remember a little thing called the crussades. dont do that. christians have started holy wars too
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0
10:12 pm
hey Stephenson Billings, if your for real, your a moron
but if this is indeed humor (it is fucking funny)
you should get into marketing man, this fucking shit is everywhere, like the jizz all over the kids face in sunday school
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2 
2
10:18 pm
Sometimes I like to print out pictures of Jesus off of Google. I then carefully, oh so carefully, trim around his face. And I slather it in white, creamy Elmer’s glue, and press it to my body. I cover myself in Jesus while I masturbate. Brings me closer to God.
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0
10:36 pm
Whoever you are that keeps posting these nasty things under different names, please stop. You are only spreading hate and discrimination.
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14
10:38 pm
ROFL
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1
10:29 pm
I am absolutely stunned by the idiots who cannot seem to understand this is humor.
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1
10:31 pm
“You know far too much biology for someone your age”
I’m 19! I’ve known the word “penis” since I was about 6, “testicles” since I was about 10, “semen” since I was about 14 or so. You see, here in Cambridge, kids are actually educated on these things.
“and that will only get you into trouble.”
Oh really, how? At least I’m EDUCATED. I’m a CERTIFIED NURSING ASSISTANT and a VETERINARY TECHNOLOGY STUDENT. I NEED to know these things, whether they be concerning humans or animals. I learned these things in SCHOOL, from my biology, anatomy, and nursing teachers. I also happen to be a female who got my first period at 10 and has had reproductive health problems such as endometriosis and polycystic ovary syndrome ever since. I also go to the DOCTOR every year for a checkup, and gee, god forbid I should actually pick up some anatomy and biology terms from there!
“The human body is not some scrabble board for you to move game pieces around with your friends.”
Although I may joke and use anatomical words in crude terms, I have a professional and clinical understanding of them.
“And stop being so obsessed with a boy’s anatomy.”
I’m not obsessed; I used the words *GASP* “penis”, *GASP* “testicles”, and *GASP* “semen” to illustrate to you that mothers should not be responsible for teaching their sons about puberty and masturbation because they DO NOT HAVE THOSE PARTS.
“You will get there one day, when you meet a decent man, but until then take your mind off sex, please.”
I don’t need you to tell me what will or won’t happen in my life.
“And enough with the fruity showtunes. The gays have enough music in their lives.”
Les Miserables has nothing to do with homosexuality.
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0
10:46 pm
You are, in a word, filthy. Your typing here is disgusting and any good child should not be allowed to spread this sort of pornography and hate. Claire, I like you, I really do! But sometimes you need to calm down. You get so irrational and frustrated, maybe because you can’t keep up? I know Christianity offends what the liberal socialists have stuffed down your throat there in Cambridge, but the rest of America is not so lefty. Your red diaper doper babies live in a bubble. The rest of this country works hard and prays for our nation and wants our economy to go back on track through HONEST work. We don’t sit around Ivory towers, pointing the finger, demanding reparations, claiming that because we’re ethnic or practice the homosexual lifestyle that we deserve “special rights”. That’s not the America I know and love. That’s not the America the Founding Fathers envisioned. That’s not the America in the Bill of Rights.
Yet ask you Massachusetts liberals, you Kennedy cut-outs, and you all want some socialist state where every immigrant off the bus with his bag full of chickens gets gold plated health care while the ones of us with jobs get taxed to DEATH! It’s so easy for Obama and Michelle, and Hillary and Bill, they’ve lived off gov’t money all their lives. What about the man making regular wages in a car factory, or the small business owner? Your policies are sending American jobs to the Chinese so you people can buy cheap thrills. And sexuality is another thing, who says gays and everything in between can demand so much from this country, from requiring Churches to hire homos, to getting gays stuffed in our military where our poor soldiers could be raped or worse.
This is a fight for America’s primacy in the world. God gave us the goods of success and power for a reason, for us to lead the earth to greatness and prosperity and righteousness. We are a Christian people despite a few of you heretics and yet everything we have acheived can be destroyed when you perverts gather together in the town square and on the internet here and revolt for gay special treatment and socialism and ultimately a dictorship under Obama. Do you really trust this man? Do you have any clue what he is capable of or what he has already secretly done to this country? We are on the edge of destruction.
God bless you all, my dear friends, and please pray for our righteous future.
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20
10:50 pm
Butthurt much?
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1
11:19 pm
“Your typing here is disgusting and any good child should not be allowed to spread this sort of pornography and hate.”
I’m NOT a child, and using words like penis, semen, and testes in a clinical, anatomical, or biological sense is not pornography at all, at least not on Planet Earth.
“Claire, I like you, I really do!”
Well, I don’t like you. No, scratch that, I HATE you, so I’d prefer it if you didn’t like me back. Better yet, hate me back. I’d rather not be “liked” by a pedophile clown who looks like John Wayne Gacey.
“And sexuality is another thing, who says gays and everything in between can demand so much from this country, from requiring Churches to hire homos, to getting gays stuffed in our military where our poor soldiers could be raped or worse.”
All gays want is EQUALITY. Is that so wrong? They want the freedom to marry the person they love. They’re NOT pedophiles. Gay men are interested in other adult males and gay women are interested in other adult females. If you point your finger at homosexuality as being the cause of men raping boys, then we have the right to point at heterosexuality being the cause of men raping girls. But that would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it? Gays want to not be referred to as “homos”, they want the freedom to serve this country without being labeled as rapists. Us females don’t label all straight men as rapists (even though they rape with much more frequency), so gay men shouldn’t be labeled as rapists.
“We are a Christian people despite a few of you heretics”
Whatever you want to believe, loser.
“Do you really trust this man?”
A hell of a lot more than I trusted McCain.
Oh, did I mention how much I HATE you? So please refrain from telling me that you like me or that you pray for me, because doing so is actually quite insulting to my wishes.
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0
10:35 pm
chuck snow, relax faggot
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0
10:39 pm
“You are what the psychoanalysts would call, “a self-hating white person” and that is racist.”
And tell me exactly how I show hatred towards white people. And sorry, but not all white people are Christians, so you can’t use “because you hate Christians” as your reason.
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10:40 pm
“Whoever you are that keeps posting these nasty things under different names, please stop. You are only spreading hate and discrimination.”
Sorry Billings, but there are really THAT many people who think you’re a loser.
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1
10:46 pm
oi billings, I was fucking this bitch in the ass last week, she said
“oh god that feels good”
does this mean I’m religious?
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2
11:00 pm
ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH! THIS IS GOING TOO FAR AND I AM DCENT CHRISTIAN MAN BUT THIS HATE AND DISCRIMINATION IS TOO MUCH AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOUSELVES AND I HOPE YOU PARENTRS SEE THIS WEBSITE HISTORY AND WHAT YOU HAVE POSTED HERE BECAUSE IT IS VILE AND A SIN AND AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHTEOUS AND WHO IN THE FLYING HECK OF THE WORLD ARE YOU LITTLE NOBODIES TO THROW YOUR DUMB THREATS AND LIES AT A MAN WHO IS HUMBLY A SERVANT OF HIS GOD AND FAITH AND TRYING TO HELP WITH HIS WORK, MY JOURNALISM IS NOT SOME PARTY JOKE YOU LITTLE FREAKS IT IS HERE TO HELP ADULTS WHO ARE STRUGGLING SO STOP IT ALL NOW OR I WILL SHUT YOU DOWN, SHUT YOU DOWN FOR GOOD!
“And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the Lord met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.”–Exodus 4:24-25.
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20
11:03 pm
We pissed him off. ^^
Oh, Billings- Caps lock isn’t very professional.
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0
11:11 pm
Oh- ever heard of a period?
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0
11:25 pm
“ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH! THIS IS GOING TOO FAR AND I AM DCENT CHRISTIAN MAN BUT THIS HATE AND DISCRIMINATION IS TOO MUCH AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOUSELVES AND I HOPE YOU PARENTRS SEE THIS WEBSITE HISTORY AND WHAT YOU HAVE POSTED HERE BECAUSE IT IS VILE AND A SIN AND AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHTEOUS AND WHO IN THE FLYING HECK OF THE WORLD ARE YOU LITTLE NOBODIES TO THROW YOUR DUMB THREATS AND LIES AT A MAN WHO IS HUMBLY A SERVANT OF HIS GOD AND FAITH AND TRYING TO HELP WITH HIS WORK, MY JOURNALISM IS NOT SOME PARTY JOKE YOU LITTLE FREAKS IT IS HERE TO HELP ADULTS WHO ARE STRUGGLING SO STOP IT ALL NOW OR I WILL SHUT YOU DOWN, SHUT YOU DOWN FOR GOOD!”
You know, Billings, real journalists don’t fly off the handle like that.
Oh, and please elaborate on that threat to “SHUT YOU DOWN, SHUT YOU DOWN FOR GOOD!” Exactly how do you plan to go about accomplishing that?
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12:19 am
“…WHO IN THE FLYING HECK OF THE WORLD ARE YOU LITTLE NOBODIES …”
You speak as though you are above everybody else, that you are “somebody” when in fact you are no better than any of us. While you are sitting in your mother’s basement typing words into a computer, we are out living life and enjoying the company of our fellow men and women.
If you are going to sit there and spew scripture out of your mouth and say that Christianity will ‘save’ you, maybe you should brush up on your history. Ever heard of the Crusades? Did you know that was a Holy War, or, war waged in order to convert people to a religion? Is that the religion you want to be a part of? One that encourages shedding blood in order to spread.
Wouldn’t you want your religion to spread based on it’s propensity to help people and spread good instead of scaring people into joining? Especially scaring young, impressionable teenagers into thinking something is wrong with them so they live repressed lives and become the truly ‘troubled’ ones. Although, as long as you people get another recruit into your cult you don’t give a fuck about them, just as long as they identify themselves as Christian so you can keep stealing their money and lives to further propagate a fairy tale.
So keep spreading propaganda and hope for people to migrate to you, but I’ll tell you now, keep treating people as though they are inferior to you and you will just keep getting the same responses filled with animosity and discontent.
And Mr.Billings, why not cop a feel of your trouser snake? What have you got to lose? I promise, you won’t die or get cancer from just one time. It’s fun. Everybody is doing it too. And if ‘jerkin’ the gerkin’ is getting me a one way ticket to your so called ‘hell’, know that I, and everyone else headed ‘down south’, will be partying with Satan, The Desolate One, until all of eternity, while constantly masturbating into a giant cauldron and regularly replacing whatever you drink in ‘heaven’ with it. Cheers mate.
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1
4:54 pm
he’s not sitting in his mothers basment i know this much. i know because he himself admited that even his mom don’t like him and don’t wanna be around him.
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1
2:52 am
Mr. Billings,
You should be ashamed of your cowardice views.
I hope when you make it to heaven god ties you to a cross rapes you.
and you’ll like it, and you’ll take it.
And you’ll become god’s pretty boy.
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11 
1
11:11 pm
wow, do you people just make this shit up or what? i know we should all practice constraint and go beat our kids instead of our meat and then pray for all those who are not as good as we are. god loves us because bruises are better than man-butter all over a tissue. wow. delusional much? how about a little word called “science” there is no evidence at all that mastubation is bad for you. it increases sperm count even for you breeders
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1
11:18 pm
yo billings, chill it out dude, jesus was chill, follow his lead.
anyway, being a servant, well that can suck a dogs dick, fucken boring as all shit, lets party!
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0
12:07 am
Stephenson,
You really should research things before writing and not try to spin things. In general, the internet is not used by complete morons (although I too was too lazy to find a source to back this statement). For example, there are plenty of studies out there finding that masturbation does not contribute to cancer. One of the more objective ways to interpret studies is to either read or do a meta-analysis. Work on this and then maybe you can try to sell religion. Better yet, do scientific studies on how religion can help people. There are some people who have found meditation to be linked to health benefits, so make some studies showing how masturbation hurts people or how religion helps people. You’ll likely need some methodology classes first though.
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3
12:50 am
I’m cumming right now. Inside my Jesus panties.
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10 
1
12:39 am
i masturbated to this article . and again to the comment RAWR
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1
12:54 am
cindy, you sound like the kind of person we need more of in the world,
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0
1:08 am
Mr. Billings. I am in desperate need or your help. My 35 year old son is still living at home with my husband and I. We are both thrilled to have him in our lives but are quite worried at his recent activity. Lately, my son has been staying out until late hours of the night- some times eleven or twelve o clock!! When he comes home his clothes look disheveled and he some times smells of alcohol. I’m worried he’s been sexually gratifying himself by sleeping with women and through masturbation. After reading your article I decided to try your advice. While helping him clean his room the other day I slowly leaned down, shoved my face in his mattress (like suggested) and exclaimed “Your mattress smells of semen!!” I then studied his face carefully for a response. He looked straight at me and said “so what?” I am appalled by my sons response!! How should I deal with this outrageous amount of sin? I am worried the devil has penetrated my household and has enslaved my son through sexual temptations. What should I do!!
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1:14 am
AMC, your predicament is a nasty one, here is some advice from the purest form, me!
next time your going to sleep, just pretend to go to sleep, then when your son is asleep, sneak in his room, carefully peel back the sheets, the proceed to whack him off, once he cums all over the place, wake him up and say you busted him flogging his cock straight off. then there will be a confrontation, in which you can justify the need to only have anal intercourse with strangers or for money.
don’t fuck around with this shit, as it rolls deep
yours with <3
J to the mother fuckin C
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0
1:25 am
It’s people like the author that prove why the south lost.
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1
2:04 am
I bet even Jesuscrist masturbated when he was a small boy.
Dude, it’s normal. There are very worse sinners than the people who masturbate, why not condemn politicians who are killing and plundering this world, why not condemn religions who in the name of God had committed and still have up to this day, some of the worse atrocities known to humankind, I could think of many from sexual abuse to getting rich spreading a crappy gospel, but I’ll stick for now with the ones pointing fingers at people who will make no harm to anyone while feeding that massive “I am better than thou” ego, like yourself.
You, sir, are pathetic.
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0
2:28 am
Sometimes I trim my pubes into a nice, triangular shape… and I draw Jesus’ face above it. So my pubes are his beard. We become one. Then I masturbate. I am closer to God.
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12 
1
4:14 am
http://www.fleshlight.com – This will cure those callous hands.
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7 
1
6:42 am
Wankers!!!
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8 
1
7:10 am
This is the funniest fucking article I think I have read in quite sometime. I don’t know if this author is being serious or not…. Unfortuanately I think he is being serious, he needs to do something more constructive with his time then writing about jacking-off… he seems to be quite the expert, sounds like a pervert to me.
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9:38 am
Hello dear Christian fellows,
I see there is a lot of debate here about this article. I would like to offer my own two cents as someone who has fallen off the straight and narrow and became a chronic, addicted masturbator.
My story starts at college. In college I lived in a dormitory and the other men in my dormitory were talking about masturbation. It was the next big thing, they said. Everyone should try it, they said. After an initial period of trepidation, (Which was God admonishing me not to follow through) I eventually took a Victoria’s Secret catalogue from the girl’s dorm and snuck it back to my room. As soon as I had decided to masturbate, I had also decided to steal.
I’m sure you know what happened next and I don’t need to explain the details to you. I felt very good for a short time. At the same time, I had an underpinning feeling of deep guilt. I imagined that Jesus had seen me masturbating. Sometimes I thought about Jesus while I was masturbating. This guilt permeated my very soul and I learned that the only way to relieve myself of the guilt was to masturbate again. After masturbating again, my guilt would subside in the short time after my climax, but would slowly return. The cycle continued.
When things got really bad, I began to sew holes in my pockets so I could masturbate while I was doing every day things. I masturbated while I did some painting around the house, while I was bicycling to work or even shopping for a new car. I hid it well, but I think that certain people, likely Christians, could tell that I was masturbating while I was talking to them.
Rock bottom came as I was hiking a particularly difficult mountain trail and masturbating. I had essentially begun masturbating 100% of my time at this point. Unfortunately, while attempting a particularly difficult climbing maneuver, the lack of my second hand was too much and I fell. I woke up in the hospital having broke both of my legs and suffering a concussion. While I was recovering, God showed me the error of my ways and I began to reform.
Unfortunately, this addiction will always be with you. I will be addicted to masturbating until I die. Sure, I’ve sewn up the holes in my pants, but I still have to take it one day at a time to overcome my addiction. I’m lucky that I have a permanent limp to remind me of the very real dangers of this habit.
May all sinners find forgiveness and peace,
Jeremy
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3
12:10 pm
Mr. Billings, I pray for you. Your misguided preachings, while humorous, show you to be a remarkably close-minded individual. Journalism includes documenting sources and presenting an unbiased account of things, something your “journalism” fails to do. While I cannot condemn you for your views, however misguided they may be, I pray that one day our Lord and savior will forgive you for your attempts to spread hate and fear in His name. God bless, and remember, your soul can be saved, you just need to stop spewing such hate in the name of God.
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3
12:34 pm
You know how I know this is a lie? Aside from the fact that it is simply rediculous and REALLY funny… First, I never feel nervous, guilty, or smug about beating my bramble, and second, the dude used as a visual aide looks ABSOLUTELY nothing like me. Bunch of self hating wankers…
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2 
1
12:58 pm
Last night I had a dream that little baby Jesus came into my bed. Then he came in my mouth. And together, we made love on the roof of a church, wrapped in the American flag. I felt whole. Connected with my God and my country. I had a sleepgasm. When I woke up, I wanted to be even closer to God. So I got out my bible, and masturbated.
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10 
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1:14 pm
I pray for misguided children like you. Some day when you’re older you’ll look back on this moment with a heavy heart. You cannot change the past, the shame. Please think before posting such offensive, discriminatory, racist things about a faith that means so much to so many. Jesus has saved billions of people on this planet. What have YOU done?
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15
1:40 pm
Why do you always assume that anyone who does not agree and chooses to treat your blinkered views with the contempt they deserve, are children? Do you think that anyone who thinks differently from you must be immature and of limited intelligence?
A little ironic that. As that is exactly what everyone thinks of you. Immature and of limited intelligence. You can add blinkered and bigoted as well. It is also ironic that Christianity, a religion that preaches peace, tolerance and forgiveness, can produce such intolerant, unforgiving and uncaring bigots.
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6:25 pm
“I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.” –Philemon 1:6.
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12
4:38 am
Once again a ‘quote’ from a book of unverified authorship with unverified editing history which has been translated from Hebrew and Greek, into Latin and finally into English, before going through several revisions to get it into a ‘modern’ readable ‘English’.
Whatever you are quoting and interpreting as ‘the word of god’ is actually only an interpretation of what some man thought should be the word of god some years and in some cases centuries after the ‘fact’. As such it would be inadmissible as evidence in a court of law. To base your life on such inaccurate comments from such a book is the equivalent of basing your knowledge only on what you read from Wikipedia. Except of course that much of the information on Wikipedia is accurate and CAN be verified.
So would you be able to comment on my posts in something more than ancient, unverified and many times translated and revised mumbo-jumbo.
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9 
1
7:01 pm
Give it up HotDog.
When someone questions him with a well rationalised arguement, he frequently responds with a line from that
old book penned by hundreds of people from a bygone age.
A book incidentally, interpreted differently the world over, sections cherry picked depending on what a person wants to manipulate from it.
It’s funny that for the word of ‘God’, it seems to be people doing all the talking (and writing.)
Sigh. A huge unbelievably omnipotent force, so powerful science cannot comprehend it and we’re expected to believe it’s interests would lie with ONE species on this tiny little rock. Not only that, but it would be obsessed with our sex lives?
Human arrogance truly knows no bounds.
To paraphrase the author, when they grow up, maybe they will understand.
Unfortunately, since most were indoctrinated into this kind of irrational fear from a young age by (what’s the OPPOISTE of protective?) confused parents, the hld this dogma has on them
is very hard to break. It’s enough to make you cry.
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1
7:04 pm
Please forgive the typo on ‘OPPOSITE.’
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10:52 pm
When I am older, I will look back on my younger days with glee. I masturbate frequently now, and I won’t be able to do so as often once I have aged. I need to get it all out now while I still have the zest of youth to power my masturbatory rituals. The more I bate, the closer I will be to God. My tally is higher than yours, I’m sure. See you in heaven, my good friend. But, ask yourself this… will you bear the child of God? I know I will. Therefore, I will rank higher in the land of heaven. I will reign over you. You will be my sex slave. I hope you know what you’re doing by keeping your tally low. You better start batin’ the night away if you know what’s good for you.
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1:17 pm
hey Monsterrod, heres the pic you were trying to post.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1:32 pm
I revel in the thought of one day, everyone connected to the Christian faith finally realizing it is all bullshit and wishing they could relive their lives, but they won’t be able, they will just be dead tissue rotting in the ground, providing nutrients for the next wave of organisms to benefit from it. This is the reality of life and science, not some divine act of ‘God’. LONG LIVE SCIENCE! CAST RELIGION FROM YOUR HEARTS AND MINDS AND BE FREE FROM MADNESS AND DESTRUCTION!!!
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1:51 pm
Allow those who can appreciate the wonders of science benefit from all the knowledge of those who seek to find the truth of this world and the worlds beyond. But allow those who need a ‘crutch’ to shore up their unfulfilled lives, give hope that this life is not all there is going to be and to give themselves some ‘meaning’. The caveat is of course that they don’t do any harm.
Religion was fine when the unscientific people of the world needed to explain why the sun rose and set, why there were tides, weather, ‘miracles’ and tragedy. Now that they try and explain ‘science’ in terms of events in the bible, biology as the work of god and ignore geological proof of the age and beginnings of the earth in the belief that it was all made in six days 10000 years ago.
And the best bit of all…… the gem of it all…… despite all the proof, they call us stupid!
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6:23 pm
“Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.” –Matthew 21:21.
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4:55 am
No, that is what somebody who wasn’t there wrote what he had heard Matthew had said that Jesus had said. Written down in the latter half of the 1st century, in Hebrew, by a Greek.
Now if you’ve ever had to relate a story told to you by someone who wasn’t there, you’d know that the comment ‘Jesus replied’ means as good as nothing and to quote the words as ‘exactly’ what he said erroneous. people get misquoted when they are recorded on audio or video tape. Such a story passed on by word of mouth could have been written however the author wanted, and probably was.
You can believe what you want, but to tell others to base their life on such inaccurate texts and to use them as an argument against any verified science is itself immoral.
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1:43 pm
This artical concerns me greatly. I consider myself to be rather conservitave in my views on sexuality but I do not belive
that traumatizing your teenager by “sniffing his bedsheets” is a proper was to teach his about sex. I 100% agree with the
comment made above, if the child is old enough to masurbate, then he is old enough to change his own bed fixings.
Masturbation is completely normal in young teens and has never been proven to pose the medical threats sited in this artical.
I have a quick question for the writters on this artical, and I don’t need an answer. I just pray that you will think about it.
But all of this guilt you pose on your children when they become sexually mature, and curious, how do you think it will affect their
lives as adults? Do you think this fear and guilt will just go away after they are married and want to experiance the God’s ordained
pleasure of sexuality witht heir partners? Psychologiacal disorders brought about by guilt and unjustified punishment have much stronger
reprocussions that experimentation at a young age. It is important for young people to be aware of their bodies while at the same time
knowing the TRUTH about the risk of STDs and so forth. Teach your kids about safe sex and teach them WHY YOU think they shouldnt have
sex until marriege. If you are a respectable and mature adult, they will appriciate your honesty and openness much much more that your
abuse and scare tactics.
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1:45 pm
excuse me, they will respact your honesty MORE THAN your abuse and scare tactics… to many typos, i apologize
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6:21 pm
Dear Julie, I am glad to hear that you are on our side and thank you for the question. Guilt has been a part of the Christian experience for a long time and is often underrated and misunderstood. What is guilt? It is simply feeling bad about doing something wrong. It means one has a conscience and knowledge of the difference between right and wrong. Guilt is very effective in getting teens to act appropriate, whether it’s to stop them from masturbating or from using drugs. Consequences! We have to get kids to think about the consequences of their actions, how much sadness their mothers will feel when their children are caught, how families could be ruined, and even what jail time would be like. Sinning in God’s eye is also an effective worry but many teens are not spiritually sophisticated to understand that yet so simple guilts are more powerful. Many teens see their mothers as God anyway (sorry for the blasphemy, but you know what I mean).
The Jewish people have always claimed guilt as their own, but their form of guilt does not extend to the needs of the soul. Jewish guilt is a more introverted, selfish thing centered around health and money worries so truly Christian guilt conforms to a higher standard. This is just a social stereotype of course, but there is a lot of truth in it.
With the love of Christ,
Stephenson
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6:50 pm
Evn when it was the Masturbators, I KNEW it was the Jews!
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2:11 pm
One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.
I just wanted to point out that irregardless is not a word. Regardless would have sufficed.
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2:15 pm
Effective troll is something something. Great read, commenters.
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2:37 pm
this is seriously the most fucked thing I’ve ever glazed my eyes at… time to beat off!!
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3:59 pm
All of this shit on this site Is RIDICULOUS.
Masturbating is healthy, and prevents teens from having sex.
This bible-humping shit needs to end. Let people do what you want.
If YOU don’t like it, then YOU don’t do it, no need to push your views on other people.
Fuck you and this ridiculous site. :]
Masturbating is hot, btw.
I’m sure you would know.
Either that or you’ve just been deprived your whole life.
Maybe you were in a straightjacket. Yeaahhh….that has to be it.
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6:14 pm
Thanks for the comment my little friend but you sound a bit too young to be visiting a website meant for adults and parents. When you’re a bit older you”ll understand that adults need to be responsible and caring, and only want to monitor you from dangerous activities for your own good. Bless you!
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7:10 pm
I couldn’t agree more.
America, and the world, needs a good dose of Christian toughlove. Just because something feels good, doesn’t mean that it is good. And kids especially boys, are resilient. They can take a good deal of physical and emotional “abuse” and “trauma”, in the service of making men out of them, and saving their fragile souls.
When you are 21, and hopefully gainfully employed but not taxed to death, then you are ready to judge your parents. Chances are you will be saying they were right after all.
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4:07 pm
Julie, I wouldn’t worry about traumatizing your children. Saving your children’s body, mind, and soul from the sin of Onanism is mroe important. These modern parents are so obsessed with all the wrong things. I’m from the old school, and I would crucify my very own son if it could somehow be for his own good.
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4:11 pm
I could probably count the times I masturbated on one hand, assuming that hand was holding a calculator.
VIVA LA MASTURBATION!
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4:16 pm
that sniffing the bed idea is hot! I’m so going to use it next time I see that guy that likes to be slapped.
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4:22 pm
wow…you all are ignorant assholes. i’ll masturbate all the fucking time i want
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4:29 pm
“Irregardless” is not a word. And this article is terrible.
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6:11 pm
I am sorry but you are incorrect. Irregardless is a word and a useful one at that.
Main Entry: ir·re·gard·less
Pronunciation: \ˌir-i-ˈgärd-ləs\
Function: adverb
Etymology: probably blend of irrespective and regardless
Date: circa 1912
usage: The most frequently repeated remark about it is that “there is no such word.” There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose.
–The Merriam Webster Dictionary
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6:22 am
Strange that you take the effort to dig produce evidence to support your use of a word in one of your posts, but refuse to produce any evidence to support the idea of the original argument.
Maybe if you could back up your ideas with evidence there wouldn’t be so many people accusing you of being a religious crack-pot? But you won’t, and for a very good reason. There is no scientific evidence to support your idea. Just like all religious ideas, they can only quote an unverified text written by unknown people many hundreds of years ago writing about events that are supposed to have happened many years before that.
I respect your right to believe what you want, as long of course that those beliefs don’t harm me or others. But I would also expect you to respect the right of others to their beliefs.
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7:07 pm
This is the best satire I have ever read. Mr. Billings, I sincerely salute you in your efforts to make this seem as real as possible. I think it’s the Bible quotes that make everything so realistic. I love it.
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7:48 pm
After getting on my high horse at such lunacy and ignorance, I have since realised the whole site is a not-so-subtle parody
and am a little embarrased at my vitriol…
Oops.
lol
You got me.
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9:58 pm
“it poses genuine health and spiritual risks, and also threatens workplace safety and the overall productivity of our economy.”
omg this site is a joke. go kill yourselves
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7:42 am
The site IS a joke though Gene.
We’ve just been vry slow on the uptake and fallen for it.
It makes a case for the tendency for left and right alike to go on the attack. lol
Honestly, we’ve been worse than the confused angry viewers reacting angrily to the Brass Eye Paedophile ‘special.’
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10:06 pm
Hey Billings, how solid of a citizen do you think you really are? You might be able to scare little kids with pliable minds, but you don’t scare me. I am an adult and I can see through your beLIEver dogma.
I do give you credit for the entertainment, however. Me and my “secular” buddies would get a big kick out of reading your mindless propaganda. That is… except for the fact that you use this forum as a soapbox to abuse people who are too young or stupid to realize what you are trying to do.
I rejected the Holy Spirit, and denied Christ years ago, just like you did. However, I am not a Satanist like you, I am an atheist. Tell me, do your eyes swirl with spirals when you try to brainwash those kids?
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4:35 pm
“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” –John 8:44.
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4:41 pm
copy pastes are invalid billings you know that.
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10:08 am
Poor Billings, having to read poorly-worded letters by half-hearted, confused children. Don’t Worry, I know you would be an atheist too… if it weren’t for your love of the dark power that your Satanic deities supposedly grant you. You’re just like me, you don’t believe in God, but you enjoy performing arcane rituals by moonlight- just for the fun of it! You play the devil’s advocate (pardon the cliche) don’t you? I’ll keep it short, because we both know that Christ is just another puppet of the Abrahamic death cult.
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11:09 pm
I just want to say that this is the best commments section EVER!!
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11:09 pm
Jesus loves you, but he still thinks you’re a cunt!
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11:21 pm
how to spot a masturbator??… mmmmmmmmm.
how about a healthy glowing smile on their face
p.s.
love yourself
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12:49 am
Billings,
This was the most retarded thing i have ever read. How can u possibly believe that masturbation is a problem? Maybe if the church didnt tell everyone to stop masturbating their priests would not have to keep touching kids. It is perfectly normal and completley accpetable by normal humans. You are just another religious fanatic that takes bible versus in completly twists them for their own use. You know who else does that…the KKK. U really believe that people will steal and cheat for the chance to masturbate? What they hell are they stealing? Who are they cheating? And how is masturbating dangerous for people who operate heavy machinery? I forgot that all my doctors used to tell me not to swim or operate heavy machinery for at least 30 minutes after i masturbate. I just dont get why u would suggest that parents snoop around their childrens rooms looking for something that most parents never want to know about their children. The only people that want to know are crazy religious fanatics like yourself. This isnt the fucking 17th century anymore, the church needs to catch the fuck up with the times.
Awaiting ur response
T
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4:29 pm
Dear T,
May I humbly suggest that you reread my article? The points I made are quite clear, well-researched and explained in such a way that even people like you should be able to understand them. Also, I would appreciate it if you approached me with more decorum. Your words are quite nasty and aggressive. Internet bullying is a shameful thing.
In general, I see that I have hit a sore point with you. You are obviously attached to masturbating, so attached you can’t see how dangerous and hurtful it is. If you took a minute to look into the eyes of those around you, you would see what your addiction does to your friends and family.
I truly pray you seek help and stop making threatening statements on the internet.
Your friend in Christ,
Stephenson
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6:16 pm
Im not tryin to bully anyone i just feel that twisting bible versus and trying to coerce people into your beliefs is wrong. You claim that you have researched these topics yet any medical journal will tell you that although masturbation may have some small negative effects that it actually can help people live longer and improve their lives. Just because you have radical christian views, and the researchers that you follow are in the same boat doesnt make their fraudulent findings true. People believe that if you try to back up false science with teachings of jesus that it atomatically makes them correct. I also would say that yes i do masturbate, and that it has absolutley no effect on my family or friends. What i do in the privacy of my house has no effect on anyone but myself. I would like for u to explain how this could possibly have an effect, negative or positive, on anyone but myself? I would like for u too stop hiding behind the false facade of religion and show some actuall scientific facts. Nowhere in ur article is there any reference to any credible scientific research [besides when u link to webmd and that really doesnt even prove the point that you want because throughout their entire article they actuall say that masturbation can be healthy]. U use bible verses that were taken out of context to try to prove a radical and unfounded point. So i will consider ur point if u consider the questions that i have posed to without hiding behind religion as ur reason. Show me some scientific research and then maybe we can talk
Wheres ur proof?
T
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6:30 pm
“What i do in the privacy of my house has no effect on anyone but myself.”
Couldn’t you make that same argument about abortion or homosexuality? Your slippery slope ethics are really amazing. I just don’t know what to say to such a hedonist.
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8:19 pm
“Couldn’t you make that same argument about abortion or homosexuality?”
Yes, you could, and they are just as valid. Granted, one would hope that a woman would get a SAFE abortion at a clinic, but it’s really nobody else’s business. And please explain to me how YOU or anybody else has been personally harmed by two men having sex in the privacy of their own home?
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10:06 pm
First of all u did exactly what i expected u to do and u avoided the questions i asked behind religious rantings. Where is ur proof for this research that u said was done??? Even the article u cited about masturbation causing cancer had two extremely different opinions within it yet u failed to even consider this when claiming it backed ur point. Besides that how in the hell could u possibly compare masturbation to abortion. While we are on the subject what would u say to a teenage woman who was raped and was therefore pregnant because of the rape? Her keeping that child could ruin her entire life. How could u possibly justify forcing her to keep that child because in ur eyes it is wrong?? Ur evangical christian views are so out of touch with reality it is not even funny. Also, when i asked u those questions in my last reply i asked u to answer them with science rather than hiding behind religion. yet u took a single quote from me and turned it into “hedonism”. So it is becoming increasingly obvious that you cant back up any of these findings with science and therefore use religion as a crutch. It looks extremely fishy when u r asked a simple question about ur research yet u cant answer it. U claim u dont like to be attacked but u attack me with rhetoric such as hedonism. Also my ethics are not the one in question her. The fact that u consider homosexuality hedonistic is astounding. Now while i dnt agree with homosexuality i believe it is their right to make a choice with what to do with their lives. But u would claim it is a sickness wouldnt u? For someone talking about ethics u should really take a second look at ur own. Or maybe try to form ur own opinions on things rather than taking the churchs stance on everything. Be ur own man rather than a pawn of elderly religious men who have even less of a grasp on reality than urself. I am simply looking for where ur research came from that proved to u that masturabtion is so detrimental to the family or even to ones self?
T
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2:49 am
Utter garbage. Anyone who doesn’t masturbate is obviously abnormal, so you are the one who is in the wrong billings. If you’re a journalist than I’m the fucking holy spirit.
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3:27 am
Well,
If you would have taught your priests to Masturbate ..
They would not have been abusing little kids
To Justify there sexual desires.
The Whole world knows it , The Pope admitted and apologized for it,
so don’t hide it,
Go Mastrubate ,
Get your frustrations out
and don’t take them out on children.
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4:24 pm
I am not a Catholic and while I do appreciate their dedication to faith, I have always worried that their pomp and circumstance is a bit strong. They are a wonderful people but there are issues within that house that have not been dealt with. Fortunately Baptists and Evangelicals are Born Again into Christ and accept a higher level of moral faith.
In any event, your comment is a bit disrespectful and I’m saddened that you could be so crude. Please try to be more considerate in the future and God Bless.
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4:38 am
Thanks SB, I masterbated twice when reading this … it really did the trick!
Cheers big man
TW
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6:39 am
CHRIST, this is the biggest LOAD of SPUNK I’ve ever read. There is little factual basis behind any of it. Masturbation in young men can lead to prostate cancer? On the contrary, studies have shown that frequent (daily) ejactulation is one of the best ways to help prevent prostate cancer, as it allows the prostate to exchange fluid frequently rather than allowing the prostate fluids to build up.
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4:21 pm
That is offensive.
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4:36 pm
i belive what you ment to say was “that is corect”. either that are you were just stupid as usual
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1:37 pm
Is this supposed to be funny? I’m scared of masturbators now — I’ll be on the look out and I will take those peen-abusing wastes of space down one by one with my death stare of faith.
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2:02 pm
…You’re kidding, right? Seriously, with all of the ACTUAL problems that our society holds, you are worried about MASTURBATION??? It is not evil, will not make you blind, won’t make you have hairy palms, etc. You are not a bad or unChristian person for masturbating. Also, I love how you showed Matt DAMON as someone who doesn’t masturbate. Um, hi. I can almost promise you that he masturbated as a young adult, even if he doesn’t now. Which I doubt.
Your picture of a “chronic” masturbator is the same person I see believing and spouting off this idiotic and illogical crap that you keep perpetuating. Seriously, focus on actual problems. Every one of my friends does. None of us look like your versions of chronic masturbators. We are the actual leaders of our generation. You…really shouldn’t be influencing teenagers with this.
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4:21 pm
Your logic is pathetic. Are we to dismiss lesser sins because there are greater ones out there? Oh, let’s forget about rape because there’s genocide. Let’s forget about homosexuality, because there’s bestiality. Etc. Etc. All crimes, all sins need to be confessed and evaluated before the Lord. St Peter doesn’t skim over the little things, even if there are 10,000 of them. How many times have you masturbated in your life? It adds up. 10,000 sins of masturbation is a great, evil deed. Murder is also a great, evil deed. We must be judged for ALL deeds!
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5:41 pm
I think Laura’s point is that masturbation is NOT a sin, (not a lesser sin), and since you brought up the subject of lesser sins, which one of these sins do you think is greater?
A. A normal teen, doing what normal teens do?
OR
B. Encouraging mothers to lie to their children? – (“That smells like semen!”)
OR
C. Encouraging good Christians to judge people by their looks. (Seriously? Pimples?!) “…..Judge not, lest ye be judged….”
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6:27 pm
Now you’re just being petty. You have completely missed the point. Masturbation is a sin PERIOD!
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8:15 pm
“Masturbation is a sin PERIOD!”
So is gluttony! But you seem to conveniently ignore that.
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2:52 pm
Whew! Thanks for this article! I have been trying to root out masturbators for a long time now, and now I can! But I have a question: Once you find one (like someone wearing sunglasses, for example), you should kill them in God’s name, right? What would be the best way to go about that? Give them a subscription to Hustler, and watch them implode? Or kill them by tying their hands behind their back and then sending strippers over? Thanks for your advice!
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4:16 pm
I am not advocating murder. Don’t be a fool.
If this is an honest question, I think you should clearly talk it out with people who are suffering from an addiction. Tell them that you love them and only want the best for their lives and that they’re hurting their bodies by masturbating.
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4:40 pm
folks i think billings just said a bit too much again. the way he sees sex as “horuting you body” i think it’s fair to asume he has had some kind of sexual trauma…heck that’d explain a lot.
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6:28 pm
Best comment section I have ever seen. How could anyone take this article seriously?
To Mr. Stephenson Billings, I salute you. 10/10 troll
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6:35 pm
Thanks for the little drawing but your insults will not hurt me. My faith is a fortress and you will never breach its gates.
“The ear tests words as the tongue tastes food.” –Job 34:3.
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12:07 am
One and two.
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9:48 am
if we are not getting to you…. then what the hell is this?: “ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH! THIS IS GOING TOO FAR AND I AM DCENT CHRISTIAN MAN BUT THIS HATE AND DISCRIMINATION IS TOO MUCH AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOUSELVES AND I HOPE YOU PARENTRS SEE THIS WEBSITE HISTORY AND WHAT YOU HAVE POSTED HERE BECAUSE IT IS VILE AND A SIN AND AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHTEOUS AND WHO IN THE FLYING HECK OF THE WORLD ARE YOU LITTLE NOBODIES TO THROW YOUR DUMB THREATS AND LIES AT A MAN WHO IS HUMBLY A SERVANT OF HIS GOD AND FAITH AND TRYING TO HELP WITH HIS WORK, MY JOURNALISM IS NOT SOME PARTY JOKE YOU LITTLE FREAKS IT IS HERE TO HELP ADULTS WHO ARE STRUGGLING SO STOP IT ALL NOW OR I WILL SHUT YOU DOWN, SHUT YOU DOWN FOR GOOD!”
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8:21 pm
This cannot be for real, lol. Are you serious?! What’s your source for your “contemporary medical” evidence?
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9:28 pm
wow, you guys even have a section that teaches other xians how to judge people….if you people do take after your “savior” you and him can both go sit on a fucking cheesegrader, bater yet, I think theirs something stuck in the nearest woodchipper that’s turned on at full blast, mind havin a looksee?
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12:06 am
Here’s how you spot a maturbator.
Look to your left. That guy jerks it every night.
Look to your right. That guy jerks it twice weekly, to a Cindy Lauper CD – Don’t worry, its cool, he just went through a rough breakup. Its okay, we all turn to “Time After Time” when we hit rock bottom.
Look at your best friend. Yes, even your best friend masturbates.
The only people who don’t masturbate are the ones who habitually release their frustration in unhealthy ways, you know, tchotchke collecting, drinking red wine until they pass out, and lets not forget: fans of Cinderella. (I mean come on hair metal is so passe)
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12:08 am
So you’re saying the Nazis killing millions of Jewish people was not a bad thing. And that owning a cat is a sin.
Are you off your meds or something?
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12:20 am
This is the best article ever written about anything.
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4:27 am
Ok i have a few things to say(not sure as to what has allready been said, way to many comments). First: I think what may have happened to this poor poor man was when he was young, he most likely got caught by his mother masturbating and she tied him to the bed post nude and jus stared him down telling him how “wrong it was what he was doing”. Mhm im sure thats what happened.
Second: Who in the fucking world smells someones bedsheets? Oh did your mother do that to you when you got caught? *Stephens mumbles out a pathetic “yes”* Oh ok that explains that.
Third: JEHOVA/JESUS IS FAIL! XIANITY IS FAIL! IT IS ONE BIG LIE PAYED FOR BY THE GOVERMENT! The sooner ya’ll understand that, the better.
Fourth: Satan don’t mind masturbation (thats a hint to ya’ll who love masturbation, Learn the thruth about the true god)!
Fifth: exposingchristianity . com(minus spaces) and once you figure out the truth joyofsatan . com
And last but not least, Sixth: Hail Father Satan! Fuck Jehova!
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4:38 am
OH OH OH MY GOD YES YES YES OHHHHHHHHHHHH yea i just got myself off! Damn that was amazing!
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4:49 am
This man and anyone…. I do mean ANYONE, that thinks in with such a convoluted form of logic is clearly mentally disturbed and in need of psychological help.
Ive read through several comments and was laughing hysterically at them, then I kept reading and reading. And I started feeling sorry for you, because I know that you ACTUALLY believe that you correct… You stand pat in your beliefs despite scientific evidence to the contrary (that can be tested and proven, unlike religious dogma that was written by severely uneducated individuals hundreds of years ago).
Not only that but the logic that you true to use is so juvenile I would have thought someone with downs syndrome actually wrote this article had you not taken claim of it yourself. Your “how to spot a masturbator” pictures are ridiculous (and that is a severe understatement). The comparison of the women for instance: The girl on the left has A SPRAY ON TAN!!!!! Yet you claim that her skin somehow magically turned orange because she masturbates!!! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE!?!?!?!?!?!?! Even in the second set, Russel Brand most likely doesnt masturbate because he is too busy having sex with his fiancee repeatedly…
The other picture is even a bigger joke than those… You clearly cant understand anything outside of your own tiny minded world, so you missed the fact that baggy clothes are a fashion… not a “sign of masturbation”. The explanations are so ludicrous I honestly thought it was a joke at first… then I kept reading your absolutely nonsensical article and realized that you again ACTUALLY BELIEVE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.
And your “the looks of a masturbator” is equally stupid… how can someone feel guilty about something if they have no problem doing it? Why would they look guilty if they have DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!???????? No matter what you “your god”, any of your psychotic religious figures, etc. have to say on the matter, there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a natural part of being a human being (which clearly you and people like you cast away any semblance to the human race centuries ago).
This issue is just another in the VERY LONG list of things that christians (and most any other religions in the world) ARE DEAD WRONG ABOUT!!!!
This won’t change your mind I know, and here is why:
If you (and anyone like you) possessed the mental capacity to understand that you are completely wrong, you were therefore also already have the capacity to realize that this article is a complete load of lies. If you were smart enough to change your thought process you wouldn’t have become a christian in the first place… so like I said, I cant change your mind, but maybe get at least some sort of thought process started that you cant just blindly trust things written in a book hundreds of years ago and claim it to be infallible in the face of hard facts that disprove many of it’s “teachings” (if you can call them that).
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3:28 pm
That was one of the most arrogant, pretentious tirades I have read in a long time. Clearly you are agitated and upset. You’re also absurd. The points you make have no relevance, no basis in fact. They are simply your attempt to smear me, to attack me personally. Well, guess what I am a journalist and I have done my research. I am also a man of faith. So I’m not going to back down because some little punk doesn’t want to play nice. Stay in the sandbox my little friend and let the adults here talk about the real issues. I don’t need your inane drivel. I don’t want to hear it and NO ONE HEAR WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOUR CRAZY THEORIES!
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3:43 pm
Actually, it’s YOUR THEORIES no one wants to hear about(seriously, anyways).
The only reason so many people go on this site anyway is because it’s all just one big blemish on christian society. Whether you know it or not, NO ONE takes this shit seriously and almost everyone thinks it’s satire.
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5:42 pm
“I don’t want to hear it and NO ONE HEAR WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOUR CRAZY THEORIES!”
“no one hear”.
Nice grammar.
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1:32 am
Wow, that was a nice comeback, *sarcasm* make sure to look that one up in the only book you’ve ever read in your life… your precious precious 2000 year old bible…
Anyway… you completely ducked every issue that I brought up and just chose instead to call me arrogant and a punk… nothing more than what i would of expected from someone like you. Its all you can do when someone argues the true issues… you have no real answers, just a bunch of lies, and when someone asks you to bring evidence to support them you run with your tail between your legs…
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6:56 pm
Actually, this article is one of the most arrogant, pretentious tirades I have read in a long time.
Again, you are NOT a journalist!! A journalist can back up what he says – and without anyone asking them to!
You get even more upset than a 5 year old when people ‘smear’ you, but YOU, with Christ in your heart spout indecencies towards others worse than they have to you.
Grow up Billings. Quit with the sidetracking when someone asks you a question. It only makes you look even more ignorant!
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7:18 am
“Stay in the sandbox my little friend and let the adults here talk about the real issues.”
Since when is the horrible effect of masturbation a real issue which adults discuss. It reminds me of jr. high actually.
Yet, again, I hope this is a farce, because 1. it’s hilarious and 2. it is even more proof of how obsessed conservative Christians are with sex.
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10:27 am
THIS IS SO FUNNY OH MY GOD IM LINKING IT TO ALL MY FRIENDS
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12:18 pm
You make me want to burn the bible fuck you billings i love to wank so fuck you some more you stupid cunt
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1:54 pm
Hello Mr. Billings,
I read not only your articles, but the responses of readers as well as your return responses. I am appalled by not only your article, but by your forked-tongued responses. I also recognize that there have been some very uncouth responses, as well as false statements from both you and your readers. Let me put to rest some of the falsehoods that I read in the article and in the responses:
Someone wrote, “EVERYONE masturbates.” This is an unbelievably erroneous statement that I must point out to the respondents. I have never masturbated. I know many people who do not. It is NOT because of my parents teaching me right from wrong, or walked in and smelled my mattress. In fact, I had no parents. I had foster parents, the likes of which cared little about me except that I kept the paycheck from the foster agency coming in. My foster mother put me into more sex education classes than my age (and I am quite old), and referred to me as a whore. I was not and am not sexually active and neither are other people out there.
I did not see you back up some of the statements of tying the wrists of a youth to prevent sexual misconduct. If such an act existed, it would be considered either imprisonment, or a dangerous act. Why dangerous? If the house caught fire, how would the child escape? If a rapist came in and saw the opportunity, do you think this child would have had the chance to escape? I am frightened to think what would have conspired if my foster mother had gone through extremes to ensure I was not masturbating. As it was, she tried to forcibly have me checked by doctors, I had blood drawn every two weeks to check for pregnancy, and was put on so many medications, I became a ragdoll. If someone like my foster mother had seen this blog and thought it TRUE, she would have tied me up every night until I aged out of the system, just to take it one step further. Or if the youth has an asthma attack and is tied up, would you face the consequences of passing this blog off as an article then?
Also, something that you failed to state, Mr. Billings: Are you yourself a father of children? Have you staved off your own children’s attempts and are speaking from experience? This is an opinionated blog, not a scientific or journalistic approach to the matter. Where are your sources? Or have you done the research yourself by watching and collecting data? What about the military photo that was not properly cited (if popsci is reported to the military website that owns rights to that photo, they would have to pay hefty fees for misrepresenting that image) in the article linked? In fact, most of the links you gave were links to blogs, NOT to scientifically proven FACTS and STUDIES. Yes, I DID read all the links, including the one about cats that you posted. I actually went through all the comments too. You yourself are writing a journal, but that does not mean you are a journalist. You are a blogger. That’s that.
I need to also point out that having a boss get involved in someone’s personal life means distorting what is home life and what is work life. Do you realize you are asking the government to force themselves into our homes to regulate what we do or say? Once that line is crossed, you will NEVER have your life back. If you are exhausted from work or sick or even just growing up physically, you will SLEEP like there is no tomorrow. When I was growing up, between me menstruating and working out in 101 degree temperatures, I slept heavily. I also slept only 2-3 hours every weeknight since I had to walk 7 miles to a bus stop, travel 5.5 hours to and from school on the public transportation system. I not only looked bleary eyed, but slept in on the weekends.
In fact, one of the reasons I bothered writing was seeing your images of “masturbators.” I looked in the mirror and pretty much matched the guy in the image, but as the female version. Truth be told: It was laundry day. I felt it necessary to write since you were making a mistake as old as binding paper – you were judging a book by its cover, or in this case, a human by his/her clothes. I felt no guilt or shame, just sadness over your ignorance. I do realize you are trying to help parents, but telling them to follow what you say, without proof of a correlation of dress code covering up for masturbation, you are breeding familial tensions for readers as well as lies.
I continued to study myself in the mirror, realizing I showed ALL the signs of masturbation: my hayfever was giving me a blush and bleary eyes, my hair was haphazardly clipped up to keep out of my face, my legs were unshaved, I had a sullen look because I hate doing laundry at a Laundromat, my clothes were what was left in my drawers, thus ill-fitting, and calloused hands from hard labor I did for my foster mother for so many years, and no, NOT chores. I fit the description to the T. If you give a reason for people to point out poor people or ill-dressed people, you will alienate them from society. If you give people a reason to beat someone to death, THEY WILL DO IT. Sir, I ask you be careful on how you word your blogs. If the next blog you write tells people to stone someone who looked like I did at that moment, I would be dead and INNOCENT. I know you mean well, but you are coming dangerously close to stating “facts” and passing them off as truths. Soon there will be eye color cards to see how blue a person’s eyes are, and strand comparisons for the blondness of hair…
Something other ill-conceived concepts I SHOULD point out in your blog:
If there is a boss involved in stopping a youth from masturbating, I would have to wonder how they would have a right to get involved unless the boss is related. I have NEVER heard of a boss firing anyone, or reporting to parents, anything related to a youth masturbating. NEVER. Nor have I heard of anyone masturbating at work. It’s call propriety. Where you have even gotten this from, I do not know.
I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was ten. If parents are discovering crazy things about the sheets or the mattress, I would be sincerely shocked. From what I heard when I was in high school, boys preferred socks. Most people I know have done their own laundry since they were 14 (I was a special case since I was a foster kid and very independent) and those socks went in quickly. I guess I should be thankful my foster mother believed I was trash and should sleep on the floor. I guess I won THAT situation. She did not want to sniff something a dog’s butt has been on – the floor.
Your obsession with mothers makes me wonder if you have some sort of benign form of the Oedipus complex. I highly doubt it, but I definitely see the archaic form of “mothers raise the children, fathers work and stay uninvolved.” Even biblically speaking, fathers were more involved in their children’s lives than you have stated in this article. I have yet to find one instance in anything you have written to claim a father should be involved. I honestly think you believe men are there to supply the seed and be done with it. Men have the same sexual organs as their sons. If anything, the father needs to be the one handle speaking to the sons about masturbation. Women are not as passive as you keep playing them out to be. They do not just take care of the home. THEY WORK. They work not only at home, but also hold jobs. A woman can work with triple the stress levels of a man, and yet you will find that MEN are the ones that abandon their families or cheat on their wives. If you are so concerned about sexual immorality, perhaps you should write a blog on men being sexually amoral beings, who can only be guided by God, and tempered by a loving wife.
Your statement about Catholics is also grossly inaccurate. Catholicism is based mainly on guilt, not pomp and circumstance. Being a Catholic means regarding everything with guilt, so as to prevent one’s self from losing the Kingdom of Heaven. Catholics are just as Christian as you claim yourself to be. Do not state that they lack the ability to have a higher moral faith, because from what I have seen, Catholics are not the ones taking birth control like your supposed born-again Christians do, or going out and having abortions. I realize you are alluding to some of the lascivious acts of a few priests, but I do believe there was an Evangelical man in the news not too long ago (and he was not the first) who did the same acts. If you want to point out people’s flaws, look in the mirror first and accept what is yours.
Oh, and Snooki’s orange skin thing? Yeah, I should really mention to you that you turn orange from two things: eating too many carrots turns your skin orange or a spray-on tan from a salon. I like to refer to orange tan people as the Spray ‘N’ Bake people. They look like Haniwa from Japan. What I see from those images are two HIGH MAINTENANCE women (it is very obvious Penny has a slight vanity issue by her eyebrows and her veneers) and two HIGH MAINTENANCE men (and Matt Damon is NOT innocent since he married a woman who had been divorced. I don’t even know who the other guy is. I don’t even know who Snooki is).
Readers, this one is also for you: STOP WRITING THAT YOU MASTURBATED WHEN YOU READ SOMETHING. I know you think it’s witty, but after the first 2 posts, it loses the negative effect of alienation, and just sounds downright immature and disgusting. If you had bothered to scroll down a few comments later, you would have seen the same written responses that you had in mind. In fact, as intelligent as some of the responses are (NOT the masturbation responses), some of ya’ll are so hot-headed that you quickly write a response without bothering to check your spelling and grammar. You will only fuel the fire for Billings. You want a reaction, do what I am doing. Read and cross-check everything, and report your findings. It is so much more effective when the person the response was intended for, can actually be READ.
Billings, a habit you have is posting scripture passages. However, most have NOTHING TO DO with the argument at hand. Some are partial entries from a bigger whole, meaning you are using them to suit your purposes, and NOT to establish “this is what this is about.” Do a Bible study.
“…who sit in tombs,
and spend the night in secret places;
who eat pig’s flesh,
and broth of tainted meat is in their vessels;
5who say, ‘Keep to yourself,
do not come near me, for I am too holy for you.’” Isa 66:4-5
If you follow the laws of God, you would not consume the flesh of pigs, nor claim yourself to be above others. Rather, you should be AMONGST people, as Jesus had been.
In addition, I have seen you post links to a cat blog, and a few others (which I could also logically and systematically show how asinine the blogs are, especially since they are being hyped as published works and studies), and you are trying to support your argument by linking articles from another website, but not READING it. The article you linked when you stated “…masturbation still remains very popular in America” was actually an article STATING how people that say EVERYONE masturbates (going back to that first statement) is INCORRECT, and that many people DO NOT partake in this act. It is NOT that popular. And you forgot about the rest of the world. You targeted Americans ONLY.
Finally, I just wanted you to know that I demand you treat me with respect for being respectful to you. Do not belittle me in any way since I have not attacked you in any way, only questioned and pointed out the flaws of the blog, that you are passing off as a published article. The pompous responses you are giving out, makes me fear for your eternal soul, as one of the seven mortal sins is PRIDE. I am writing out of love, not hate. I am a devout and conservative Christian, with two degrees and an IQ above 180. I state this so that you might not be so quick to talk down to me. I am writing as an adult, TO (I hope) an adult. I ask that you not be too quick to be close-minded or dismissive, nor verbally abusive (yes, I read the WHOLE comments section and your responses were bigoted, even with parents responding). I am not supporting, nor do I support masturbation in any way. I wish I had time to correct ALL of the arguments from both sides, but real life calls and I must answer.
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3:43 pm
Dear Sir, for some reason I felt like I needed to take a shower after reading your “essay”. If you want to be a journalist you have to learn to get to the point and get their quickly. Your nonsense is convoluted and makes no sense.
To say that you are “appalled” with me is not only discourteous, it is quite arrogant. Your pride is your downfall for you have let it blind you from the truth. Did you come here to impress everyone with how intelligent you are? You are nothing but a hollow man, a shell of many ideas but of no core faith. You lack direction and a moral belief system. It makes me sad.
I am not a blogger. Please do not say that. It is decidely not true. I am a credentialed Investigative Journalist whose work happens to appear on the internet. Bloggers write about hair styles and shoe stores. I do not do that. The only real source I need is the Bible. Have you even been Saved? Maybe you’re not really in a position to comment here. Also, I am not a father of children. I have not yet had the joy of marriage but that does not disqualify me from researching a topic such as masturbation (your logic is absurd, isn’t it?).
Also, you really make some mistaken conclusions here. I am not saying the government should regulate masturbation or that they should make it illegal in the workplace. I think it’s the personal responsibility of bosses and managers to look after the health of their employees and intervene when necessary, just like you do with alcoholics.
Lastly, who in the world are YOU to tell my readers what they can and cannot write? I really cannot get over how intensely arrogant you are! You are insane, a fool, a bigot and a racist, an arrogant little piece of work who does nothing put spread hate in your endless pursuit of ego and your superiority complex. YOU ARE CRAZY!
I do pray that one day you are enlightened,
Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist
“A man’s pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.” –Proverbs 29:23.
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3:59 pm
Sit on it, Billings.
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4:18 pm
“Lastly, who in the world are YOU to tell my readers what they can and cannot write? I really cannot get over how intensely arrogant you are! You are insane, a fool, a bigot and a racist, an arrogant little piece of work who does nothing put spread hate in your endless pursuit of ego and your superiority complex. YOU ARE CRAZY!”
This was written by you and could just as easily have been written TO and about you. The arrogance of you calling the people who are incredulous at your so called investigative journalism YOUR readers? Talk about talking your role up. Had you not noticed that 99% of YOUR so called readers don’t agree with a thing you have written? You aren’t even good enough to be called a ‘blogger’ let alone an investigative journalist. It’s your ego, your superiority complex that you should be worried about, not other people’s.
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3:32 pm
“Hotdog”: what’s your point? You have posted your ludicrous, childish statements on here enough. I am surprised you haven’t worn yourself out by now since no one agrees with you. Please understand your hatred of religion puts you in the minority. I hope and pray your “Me Generation” is a thing of the past.
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4:04 pm
“Ludicrous and childish” in your opinion, which I count for very little. That is not as sweeping a statement as it may at first seem. It is based on the fact that you constantly make statements without evidence and dismiss the statements of others on little grounds.
I do not have a hatred of religion. I have a hatred of religion being used by a manipulative few to support inaccurate racist and bigoted views that are so far from being the true view of that religion. Surely the fact that more people on here support views counter to yours, would mean your statement that I am “in the minority” is far from the truth, as so many of your deluded ideas are.
If you want to know what is a thing of the past, religious bigotry and racism should be.
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4:12 pm
Actually, damn near everyone agrees with him. Have you been payiing attention for even a single second?
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4:28 pm
“I am surprised you haven’t worn yourself out by now since no one agrees with you.”
You’re delusional. Take a look at the comments. The VAST MAJORITY of them are by people who think that you, Billings, are either insane, stupid, or a joke. It’s YOU who nobody agrees with.
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4:40 pm
Stevie, you are nothing but a hack. Your work is trash. It is useless. You have neither the authority nor the credibility to question other peoples work. ESPECIALLY when you write articles for a site that is extremely liberal to their contributors. ANYONE can submit articles here. It is also apparent to me that you have few supporters here. The commentors on this site tear you apart. Really, Stevie, look at yourself. People HATE you.
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5:15 pm
It’s wrong to call him a ‘hack’. That would imply that he is a professional journalist. It is obviously not the case. If he were a professional he would be too poor to be able to afford a computer or an ISP and from his picture he has no trouble affording his weekly grocery bill.
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5:20 pm
Regrettably, I stand corrected.
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6:03 pm
your problem is that you belive faith somehow is a requirement to be a good person. but the matter of fact is quite a few people can make morally sound decisions without haveing wrathful benig treahtening them from above.
the need of faith is if anything a sign of weakness.
everything you said can be turn against yourself. you are a blogger. the definition of a blogger is not about the content it is about the format. it is presenting your own personal belifs and thoughts to a public you expect to either agree or be intrested in the openion. it is to educate people with lesser knowledge and take up a discusion with those with equal or greater knowledge. that is what you do. a journalist reports on news. masturbation is not news. that means writing about is not journalism.
pride and arogance is something you might take alook at your own. you refuse to listen to people of another openion and have allready taken the stance of being right despite a clear majority against you.
you are hypocritical and denying it to the point where simply calling it arogance and pride is inadequt. you are delusional.
you have taken the moral high ground by decideing that where you stand is the moral high ground. you dismiss any argument made against you that is valid by claiming that the guy stateing it is not credibel either by virtue of being too young too stupid or being on the wrong side(“lol how does the openion of a liberal matter”) well if our openion doesn’t matter because we are not on of you… why should your openion matter to us? sure you can have your little comunity of christians and discuss how you belive the world should be and even how a christian should act. but the second you being to say it should be enforced on everyone you also give the word to everyone. you leave the comunity and discuss it with the world. you seem to belive the acts of a homosexual has a negative effect on you…. how ever you acts directly towards us in an atempt to prohibit us you belive to be nothing but positive? you belive you know whats best for us better than us? that you know what we want better than us? and you dare call us arogant? stephenson billings. you are the dfefintion of arogance.
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6:06 pm
“Dear Sir, for some reason I felt like I needed to take a shower after reading your “essay”.”
Damn, looks like you’ll blow your wad over anything, not just pictures of little boys naked.
“If you want to be a journalist you have to learn to get to the point and get their quickly.”
You also have to learn to use the correct form of there/their/they’re.
“Your nonsense is convoluted and makes no sense.”
Well, I certainly hope that nonsense would make no sense, Mr. Redundant.
“To say that you are “appalled” with me is not only discourteous, it is quite arrogant.”
Check out these quotes from you, Billings:
“I don’t know what rocks you people have crawled out of with your little theories, but your lack of respect and lack of information is appalling.”
From: “Is NCIS the Worst Television Show Ever Made?”
“I find your lack of respect appalling.”
From: “Secret Democrat Party Operatives Slander Fox News Star With Rape Charge”
Oh, and you’re not one to talk about arrogance. You’re without a doubt THE most arrogant person on this site.
“I am not a blogger.”
Yes, you are.
“I am a credentialed Investigative Journalist”
So where are those credentials? We’ve asked you many times, and you’ve refused to show us.
“whose work happens to appear on the internet.”
You write EXCLUSIVELY for Christwire, making you a blogger.
“Bloggers write about hair styles and shoe stores. I do not do that.”
Ahem: http://christwire.org/2010/05/i-only-have-14-friends-on-facebook-does-that-make-me-exclusive-or-lonely/
That was a blog entry, pure and simple, namely this little tangent/tirade:
“Plenty of my peers have hundreds upon hundreds of friends. I still have 14. That is a bit low. I feel a bit left out. This is sort of depressing me. I’m not a child but this humbling, maybe insulting. Who are you people? My profile is right there! Am I doing this wrong? Why aren’t people noticing me? Maybe I should comment on other people’s walls more. Those friend requests should be piling in. I see no little red icons on my profile page. Should I be worried? There could be a technical problem on Facebook’s end. Maybe emails are getting lost. I have heard that they have this problem sometimes. Maybe I should contact somebody about this?
This awful site is addictive. I can’t seem to go 15 minutes without checking on that silly thing. Any excuse will do. Oh, I wonder what Jack Gould thinks about my latest article? Has Sarah Palin posted today? When was the last time Marie Jon logged in? Gosh, has someone new seen my childhood photos? I wonder what ever happened to my old friend Carl in New Orleans… Maybe he has a profile… I’d love to see what he looks like these days, old Carl! And I’m back there in a second, logging in, logging out… This thing is addictive. All those little ads are annoying. Maybe that’s how this works. Is it all about the ads? Where are my friends? Come on, this is getting ridiculous. It’s been almost a day now that I’ve been on Facebook and I only have 14 friends. I’m not desperate to be popular or anything. I am a self-respecting person after all, but this is plain wrong. Do I really need the headache? You know what? I don’t. I am an adult and I respect myself. I hate this Facebook and I really have better things to do with my life. When I have the time maybe I’ll delete my profile. Erase it from the internet for good and all you people who didn’t have time for me will lose out!”
“I really cannot get over how intensely arrogant you are! You are insane, a fool, a bigot and a racist, an arrogant little piece of work who does nothing put spread hate in your endless pursuit of ego and your superiority complex. YOU ARE CRAZY!”
Billings, after reading that, my hatred for you increased 1,000 fold. You are the WORST offender when it comes to arrogance, bigotry, and racism.
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4:39 pm
Claire, it saddens me that just because I am inspired by faith and have the skills to write, you call me arrogant. I am here to express my faith and Christianity with YOU! I love you people for the potential to be great Chrisitans, I know this is inherent in all of you and I do pray that some of you find that wonderful light in yourself. Have I ever told you that the greatest moment of my life was when I accepted Jesus Christ as my own Personal Savoir? Is that so wrong? I merely want to share that joy with you because, and here I have to be honest, you people clearly need it. I can see the suffering in your souls, the anguish in your lives, how you seek escape in hardcore sex and drugs and I truly don’t want you to go down that path.
Please let me help and love you!
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5:07 pm
“Have I ever told you that the greatest moment of my life was when I accepted Jesus Christ as my own Personal Savoir?”
Are you unable to spell savior correctly? You also spelled it wrong in your “confessionwire” response.
“I merely want to share that joy with you because, and here I have to be honest, you people clearly need it. I can see the suffering in your souls, the anguish in your lives, how you seek escape in hardcore sex and drugs and I truly don’t want you to go down that path.”
And THAT is arrogance, pure and simple. You assume that you know more about us than we do. I’ve told you multiple times that I don’t have sex and I don’t do drugs, nor am I suffering.
“Please let me help and love you!”
No, we will not, and we have the RIGHT to keep your prayers and “love” out of our lives. Are you able to take no for an answer?
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5:45 pm
why do YOU reject US every time we try to help you? why do you refuse to listen when we tell you your are wrong? why do you refuse to listen to people who only wants what they belive is best for the world? what ever you answer is our is the same to your question.
i do not have problems. the entire idea of there actually being an omipotent god who wants the best for us does not bring me any kind of joy. it gives a huge ass fucking depresion because that would mean that being kind is what my moral compass says is about as cruel as you can be.
i refuse to lie to myself. before i will stand up for any kind of god i have to stand up for myself. and the christian god is the anti-moral to my moral core of belif. we do not need your help. what we need is for you to fuck of. we need you to not interfere in our lives. that is the only help you can provide. and deep down you know this. because you don’t like it when we interfer in your life.
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9:55 pm
Your erroneous assumption that I’m a man set a high bar for the rest of your post, but you certainly delivered.
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7:09 pm
IF you had taken the time to actually read the above Billings, oh great investigative BLOGGER, you would have seen where this person’s refers to HERSELF many times.
YOU are the only arrogant person on here Billings. You are not accredited in any way shape or form, except in your own mind.
“You are insane, a fool, a bigot and a racist, an arrogant little piece of work who does nothing put spread hate in your endless pursuit of ego and your superiority complex. YOU ARE CRAZY!”
You are the insane fool. Where in anything that she wrote would lead you to believe that she is bigoted racist? This entire site is racist. Just look below at the “Most Delivered” section!!
“I Am Extremely Terrified Of Chinese People”
“Proof Blacks Are Possessed By Satan and Are A Violent Species”
This entire site does nothing but to promote exactly what YOU say she is all about!! Just how did your brain cells did get damaged????
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7:34 am
Hahahahah “Dear Sir”! Sirs don’t often get tested for pregnancy. Real thorough reading there, Billings
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6:29 pm
Hahahahahaha seriously?! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read! I’d like to give a swift punch of the uneducated author of this article. I think the author is a chronic masturbater. I really hope he falls into some sort of giant meat grinder. I really hope this guy dies who wrote this, a horrible, painful death.
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3:30 pm
Would have the fortitude to say that if you met me face to face? The internet gives you a nice cover for your discrimination, Shaun.
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4:16 pm
“Would have the fortitude to say that if you met me face to face?”
I’m pretty sure that ALL of us would. Of course, we might be so busy LAUGHING at your face that we might not be able to say anything.
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1:14 am
THIS ARTICLE MADE HORNY
IM GONNA GO MASTURBATE!
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6:50 am
you are such a dumb christian cunt i hope you and your family died
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7:10 am
I’m masturbating as I’m reading this.
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8:00 am
This is the best thing I have ever seen. I am off to do coke off a bible and masturbate.
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9:27 am
This is friggin hilarious. No really, friggin hilarious
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10:27 am
I lol’d
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12:37 pm
This is why I turned from “Chirstainty” years ago because of sillyness like this. Masturbation a sin? There is nothing in the bible that says Masturbation is a sin. The Bible is so vauge that anyone can twist it to support anything…
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3:28 pm
I have quoted so many passages of scripture above, I cannot comprehend how you could make such an outrageous claim. This is what happens with people who have their own secret liberal agenda approach Christianity– they imagine it means something else, a “peace and love” paradise where people are not responsible for their actions. As a society, we must set standards and punish the guilty. If not, we give free rein to the rapists, criminals and pedophiles to run rampant because no one wants to “offend” them by enforcing an ethical code.
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1:30 pm
“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so he put him to death also.” –Genesis 38:9-10
why does god have more of a problem with onan spilling his seed on the ground than with him having sex with his brothers wife?
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3:26 pm
Abortion is a crime against the most innocent of God’s creatures.
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4:13 pm
Abortion is necessary in order to:
1. control the population
2. protect women’s rights
3. prevent years of heartbreak in orphanages
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4:15 pm
Abortion is not necessary and abortion is the selective destruction of a developing human life. It is premeditated murder of an initiated life process that will continue through a full life cycle if left to natural causes.
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4:22 pm
“abortion is the selective destruction of a developing human life.”
No shit, Sherlock. Did you figure that out all by yourself? Regardless, women need that option to choose.
“It is premeditated murder of an initiated life process that will continue through a full life cycle if left to natural causes.”
You seem to have no problem murdering innocent kittens. Granted, humans are considered more “valuable” to earth than kittens, but kittens sure as hell are more intelligent than the average human fetus.
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5:49 pm
yes because never being born is worse than haveing parents who wish you were never born.
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4:47 pm
“Population Control” is a outrageous lie. Nothing makes me as angry as hearing that disgusting phrase. It is a United Nation socialist propaganda pot of anti-Christian mind control and hate. We have enough space and food on the planet to survive and all this let’s kill babies screaming is just repulsive. I can’t tell you how offensive and wrong it all is. You people know nothing of geography, farming and science. It shows your absolute ignorance and makes me wonder at your secret, totalitarian intentions.
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5:01 pm
We know nothing of science? HAH! Oh, and I suppose you do, Mr. “The Earth is 6,000 Years Old”?
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5:54 pm
and now for the million dollar question: why is it that we still have these resources? if you answered because of the abortions of the past you win!!! if not you are a fucking moron.
the suplies of earth are limited and we are slowly but surely running low. increasing our need for these resources surely isn’t gonna help. further more you are saying that from the perspective of a man from on of the most resourceful nations on the planet, and to add to that one who belive he has a right to claim any resource in the world as rightfully his.
but maybe you’d like to live of 1 cheeseburger a day. try to do that for a week and tell us that’s more than enough to survive on.
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2:24 pm
I have never heard of masturbation being dealy to teenagers.
Can you imagine if there was a sudden ” outbreak” ? Teenagers at risk due to masturbation – hear the full story tonight on itv 1.
And smelling a mattress – thats just disgusting, and its I’m sure it could be some form of emotional abuse.
If some kid told me their parent did that I’d be reporting it to the police not to the local church for forgiveness.
If parents alrady know their kids masturbating why go to lengths to humiliate them?
Your descriptions of masturbators however has highly amused me, and now i’m going to pass on the link to everyone I know so we can all sit and laugh at it.
Thanks for such an entertaining article – I havent laughed this much in a long time.
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3:14 pm
You are what is wrong with society and the world at large.
Your ignorant and sweeping generalizations are justified by unsound logic and you hijack legitimate sources to “prove” your points, which are often completely unrelated to the sources that you use. Your blind faith in what you perceive to be Christianity is in fact precisely the opposite of everything that Jesus taught, and you should be ashamed that you use a religious text to justify your bigotry. As a student at a prestigious catholic university, I have studied the religious texts extensively and have taken courses from many of the top theologians in the world. I can assure you that not one of these people (most who have their PhD in their respective fields) would support a single thing you have said not only in this article, but in your entire website. Your one sided research methods and interpretations make for arguments that frankly seem ridiculous to anyone who has an ounce of education, and I hope you realize what a joke this entire website is.
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5:33 pm
Hotdog, Claire, Paddy: your deep and personal attacks on me are intolerable at best. This is not a site where you can spew your neurotic conspiracy theories about my personality or home life. I find your acts rephrehensible and deeply offensive. You really should know better. I hope that some day you are mature enough to realize how wrong you are and seek the acceptance of your God, whatever God that may be.
This little message board has gone way overboard and I have been kind at first, peeved, and then generally angry with you all for the intense and unwarranted amount of racism and discrimination you have thrown my way. We live in the 21st century, a time of peace and prosperity and despite the genuine threats to our national soul, a good time to be a human being on this planet. We are truly blessed by God’s gifts of abudant food, housing, even the internet technology that allows our Christian message to reach you in the privacy of your own homes. Yet somewhere along the line, you have turned that around into an excuse to delve into the worst forms of foul language and to promote your own filthy habits. This article is meant to prevent masturbation but you people are using this place to convince teens everywhere that it’s okay to touch yourself (and to touch others). You really have gone too far and what you’re doing now constitutes vice, and the promotion of vice, the promotion of the deliquency and sex crimes of a child which I believe is a crime in this country so for your own good I implore you to stop and maybe, just maybe seek forgiveness for your sins and join us here in fellowship and love and know that Jesus Christ still loves you despite the horrible things you have done here as long as you ask my forgiveness. God bless you children of the world,
Stephenson
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5:47 pm
what happened to teh right to free speech? or is that reserved for people you agree with?
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7:15 pm
“This is not a site where you can spew your neurotic conspiracy theories about my personality or home life.”
Half of your articles are about the personalities and home lives of gay people. If you can speculate about them, we can speculate about you.
“I find your acts rephrehensible and deeply offensive.”
And we find your articles to be the same.
“This little message board has gone way overboard and I have been kind at first, peeved, and then generally angry with you all for the intense and unwarranted amount of racism and discrimination you have thrown my way.”
I have never been racist against you. I’m not racist against white people, considering how I AM one. You, on the other hand, get a kick out of jokes that refer to Muslims as smelly and dirty, thus YOU are the racist. As for discrimination, once again, YOU discriminate against homosexuals every chance you get.
“You really have gone too far and what you’re doing now constitutes vice, and the promotion of vice, the promotion of the deliquency and sex crimes of a child which I believe is a crime in this country so for your own good I implore you to stop and maybe, just maybe seek forgiveness for your sins and join us here in fellowship and love and know that Jesus Christ still loves you despite the horrible things you have done here as long as you ask my forgiveness.”
Real journalists use periods.
Oh, and what the hell are you talking about, by “sex crimes of a child”? Are you referring to children masturbating? That’s not a crime. What’s a crime is taking young boys out to the wilderness and fucking them until their teeth rattle.
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8:11 pm
“Hotdog, Claire, Paddy: your deep and personal attacks on me are intolerable at best. This is not a site where you can spew your neurotic conspiracy theories about my personality or home life. I find your acts rephrehensible and deeply offensive.”
Okay. Now give us a reason to care.
“Yet somewhere along the line, you have turned that around into an excuse to delve into the worst forms of foul language and to promote your own filthy habits.”
We don’t need it as an excuse.
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5:58 pm
…
Dear Christwire,
I am a strong, devout Christian. Your website spreads messages of hate and destruction. It is not of Christ. This person who has “unwashed hair” could be a prophet, for all you know. Or do you forget that John the Baptist was a wilderness man and probably looked quite filthy? He was a godless son of a pig masturbator for sure.
Do you see what you’re doing? The comments you are getting just fuel the hatred. You’re not helping the cause for Christ. You’re turning people away. Do you not see that? Have you yourselves been blinded by the greatest liar of all time?
And as for the snide, rude, or sarcastic comments: you’re not much better than what you’re criticizing.
Stop spreading a message of hate and start spreading a message of love. This article is one of many that I have read and it is insane. You don’t go around treating people like this or judging them based on their looks. God looks at the heart, not at the physical body. Why can’t you do the same? Judge not lest ye be judged. And we will be judged even more because we are the Body of Christ.
…
I pray that this website is destroyed by God Himself, in whatever way He wishes to destroy it. It is a message of hate and it is only hurting the cause for Christ. I love you, Christian brothers and sisters, and that’s why it hurts me and saddens me THAT much more to know that this website exists.
God bless.
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1:42 am
You Xtians are such incredible hypocrites. Condemn Billings all you want but you people are all silent when it comes to Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, George Bush, James Dobson, Tony Perkins and ALL THE REST OF YOUR HIGH AND MIGHTY CHRISTIAN LEADERS WHEN THEY SAY THE SAME EXACT THING!
Where are you fucking critics when it comes to criticising the real promoters of hate out there, the guys with the radio shows and tv shows and pulpits with mega church congregations. Yeah Billing says some dumb stuff but the rest of your people are much more dangerous and the majority of Christians out there say nothing. You people are a bunch of hypocrites and I hope your all damned.
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1:52 am
I don’t agree that it’s just Christians not saying something, but ANYBODY. I especially dislike George Bush. You know, HE wasn’t the one that went over and convinced N. Korea to release the reporters. No, instead, Bill Clinton went over and a few hours later, the women were released. I watched this on the news in Japan. As much as I dispise Bill Clinton’s philandering past, he saved those women’s lives. I didn’t vote for him. I was honestly hoping for Allen Keys to win the nomination a few years ago.
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2:36 am
Get your head out of your ass Revy. The Bill Clinton reference you made is banal. Plenty of us on the left had been on Bush’s ass from the beginning. Remember the protests, the marches, the crowds outside the White House? It was the politicians who didn’t listen.
This is a totally differnet issue. What I’m saying is that Christians are being silent about the hate speech by their very own people. Sure, you can make fun of this guy about masturbation but there are much worse things out there that Christians all run and hide from because they’re too weak to stand up to their leaders. What about the Pope? That guy was covering up child molestation for christ’s sake.
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5:47 pm
You should be more specific next time. I was not being trite in any way, just pointing out that screaming out YOU CHRISTIANS means little when you forget about the rest of the people that are not Christians. Please don’t be rude to me. I assumed you were speaking about people not railing against idiots like George Bush. I agree: politicians are the legs, and sometimes, the legs need to be shot down (not literally, of course, since I don’t condone murder… though i do condone a sound whooping). Also, I don’t remember protests or marches since *ahem, i’ll say it again* I was living in Japan, and they covered mostly everything going on the downturn.
The separate issue: Christians are not being silent about the Pope covering up. In fact, most Catholics are thoroughly disgusted with this guy (shoot, I sure as hell didn’t want that guy to become pope… he even LOOKS evil) and I know many who have gone to their priests and said outright how disgusted they were. In San Antonio a few years ago, they were doing “witch hunts” of fiddlin’ priests. Believe it or not, shit IS getting done, it just doesn’t make the news. I have stood up against priests several times, told them off for being weak. Had I the opportunity, I’d do it right to the face of the pope.
Just think though: Perhaps the reason you think no one will stand up to the pope covering things up is, you can’t GET to the pope. They don’t even bother with private audiences for anyone.
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6:19 pm
The cancer link is bogus. It’s right there in the linked article: the researchers who found a link didn’t bother to isolate any of their variables. That is the hallmark of a poorly conducted study. The men who masturbated more also had a higher number of overall sexual partners. So which is the real link, the masturbation or the increased number of partners? Makes you wonder what other factors the researchers failed to take into account in their badly done report. Perhaps the correlation that the BJU study found indicates some other mode of causation, such unusually high testosterone levels that both increase the risk of prostate cancer and increase the urge to masturbate. In such a case, the testosterone would increase the risk of cancer regardless of whether or not the man acted on his urges. That study was some seriously shoddy work, and it does not support the conclusion that masturbation leads to cancer.
The link between STDs and masturbation? There is none.
The link between yeast infections and masturbation: there is none. The real link is between female saliva and yeast infections. Ladies, if you don’t use your spit as lubricant when you rub one out, you won’t get a yeast infection.
This article cites “retarded ejaculation” like it’s a bad thing. It’s not. It’s a great thing. Masturbation improves sex between partners by helping the man learn how to go more than three seconds before orgasm. The end result is a more satisfying sexual experience for his partner. Unless Jesus wants men to be two-pump chumps who leave their wives unsatisfied.
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6:42 pm
Is it more of a sin if when you masturbate, you picture people of your same gender? Is it still a sin if I picture Jesus?
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3
7:57 pm
Jesus was a Jewish liberal.
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9:06 pm
wow what a load of nonsense. claire, ur my idol, and thank u for trying to shut this dipshit up. i just posted a note on his facebook to get his attention.
i hope you get hit by a car you bible fucking maniac
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4:14 am
If god didn’t want us to like pleasuring ourselves, or each other for that matter, then why does it feel so good?
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9:02 am
“This is not a site where you can spew your neurotic conspiracy theories about my personality or home life.”
Half of your articles are about the personalities and home lives of gay people. If you can speculate about them, we can speculate about you.
“I find your acts rephrehensible and deeply offensive.”
And we find your articles to be the same.
“This little message board has gone way overboard and I have been kind at first, peeved, and then generally angry with you all for the intense and unwarranted amount of racism and discrimination you have thrown my way.”
I have never been racist against you. I’m not racist against white people, considering how I AM one. You, on the other hand, get a kick out of jokes that refer to Muslims as smelly and dirty, thus YOU are the racist. As for discrimination, once again, YOU discriminate against homosexuals every chance you get.
YOU GOT BOSSED. OWNED. EMBARASSED. seriously dude, nobody apart from ‘reverand dan’ agree at all with what ur saying. cant you see that every comment you make has a shitload of thumbs down, while every comment against you has all the thumbs up?
i hate you and people like you with your twisted view of god. you’re not helping anybody and if you wanted to you’d go jump off a fucking skyscraper
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12:44 pm
I simply Cannot Believe that this Stephenson Billings Blogger is a Real Person. He is Probably some Christian hating Person located at “the ONION” or In one of these Anti-Christian HOLLYWOOD Agencies Pushing out Corrosive Values that are simply not Christian. This Stephenson Billings Guy is trying to paint Christians in a RIDICULOUS LIGHT. MainStream Christian’s Do NOT Subscribe to such ridiculous notions about masterbation like BILLINGS. Billings…you are NO Christian…you are a NUT, or a christian hater, with self interest at heart. MOCK if you will…. but no intelligent Christian subscribes to this brand of thought.
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5:17 pm
Hey The Truth,
Many of us positive that he is a troll trying to cause such an uproar to cause people to go to the real media. This is EXACTLY what he wants. It will fuel viewers, so we cannot let that happen. You are absolutely correct: He is NOT a Christian. He has no values and owns a forked tongue.
He says he loves, but he spews vile and filth from his mouth. He called me names for respectfully telling him he was wrong about some issues. He actually failed to read most of my comment and confused my sex. Tsk tsk on him. He can’t read, he can’t write, and he’s a liar. Things do not bode well to this “Christian”…
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2:32 am
Bull Fucking Shit! You people are truly idiots. Do you have a clue what the extreme right in this country thinks? Here’s a little selection of some of their choicer quotes. If you don’t recognize any of the names, Google them. They’re America’s most powerful Christian or Republican leaders. And this is just a sample. There’s so much worse out there. You dumb fucks this is all a laugh, but like I said before why don’t supposedly mainstream Christians stand up against this hate? Why don’t they call out their own leaders? No, they keep sending them money and voting them into office. You dumb fucks.
“They got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it’s a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.” –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti
“AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals ” Jerry Falwell
““Not all the educators in our public schools and universities are deliberately deceitful, not all of them want to destroy this nation, but many do. The major teachers’ unions certainly do.” Rev. James Kennedy
“Rights. RIGHTS! RIGHTS? For sexual deviants . . . sexual behavior there are now rights. That’s what I’m worried about with the pedophilia and the bestiality and the sadomasochism and the cross-dressing. Is this all going to be ‘rights’ too, to deviant sexual behavior? It’s deviant sexual behavior. Why does deviant sexual behavior get rights?” – Dr. Laura Schlessinger
“I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way — all of them who have tried to secularize America — I point the finger in their face and say: “You helped this happen.” Jerry Falwell on 9/11
“I’ve been to Africa three times. All right? You can’t bring Western reasoning into the culture. The same way you can’t bring it into fundamental Islam.” Bill O’Reilly
“To fight only the al-Qaida scum is to miss the terrorist network operating within our own borders … Who are these traitors? Every rotten radical left-winger in this country, that’s who.” Michael Savage
“You can’t preach the Bible without preaching hatred.” Fred Phelps
“It is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely.” James Dobson
“We should do unto others as we would want them to do unto us. If I were an unborn fetus I would want others to use force to protect me, therefore using force against abortionists is justifiable homicide.” Paul Hill, killer of abortionist doctor
“The god of Judaism is the devil. The Jew will not be recognized by God as one of His chosen people until he abandons his demonic religion and returns to the faith of his fathers – the faith which embraces Jesus Christ and His Gospel.” David Chilton
“Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody’s pseudo-right to worship an idol.” Rev. Joseph Morecraft
“The Media is ruled by Satan.” Jimmy Swaggart
“You should only get AIDS and die, you pig” Michael Savage
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12:40 am
HOw was that related to what was being said before?
And brow-beating gets you nowhere.
We are concerned that people are portraying Christians in a disgusting light. If you aren’t Christian, that’s okay. You have your right to say something, but so does everyone else. Unfortunately, it’s unrelated. And those men are self-professed “christians” so i highly doubt they truly are. You have to be of a true nature and not hyped up like these guys. These guys just found an outlet to gain power. As I said wrote before, can a devil open the eyes of the blind?
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9:01 pm
Fantastic quotes my friend, maybe I will facebook them! Thank YOU!
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7:17 pm
Claire, et. al: you do know that this article, and the whole website, is satire, right? *satire*. It is meant to mock the views it professes to uphold. Because you took it seriously in your comments, Mr. Billings is trying to get your goat. And he did, though it all ceased to be funny to most of the folks on the comment board a long time ago.
I’m sorry to spoil the “fun”.
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11:59 pm
I laughed at first, until he said something about tying up children. He began to sound like a pedophile who was divulging his secret wish. Satire is good, satire is great, but not when it’s at such an abusive level. I even laughed that he thought I was a man. I am not laughing at someone who would say that it’s okay to tie down a kid for the sake of “protecting” them from themselves. I am waiting for him to say that if a child is raped, they deserved it. He will inevitably say it, if he’s attached to a group that says they are “Christians” and make such statements.
I also enjoyed tearing him apart. It’s nice when a guy puts himself out there like a dummy to be used and abused. If you look at his facebook, by the way, you’ll notice that someone tagged him as a pedo. He was whining about it the whole time. For a guy who calls himself an investigative “journalist,” he apparently lacks the investigative side about how to control what people do on his page.
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2:38 am
Oh give it up, that’s not the thing here. You’re fucking idiot.
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12:11 am
You’re so silly. THey hire you to get rid of people? Too late. I’ve already educated the necessary person. Epic Fail, Hairy Palms! You are just a wannabe troller. You keep saying “what about this or that” but then you say I don’t get it. What am I not getting? This is a blog that is supposedly satire… until it was taken too far.
I dont understand how it’s so difficult for some people to explain something, instead of berating people. Well, you just make it that much more difficult for anyone to bother respecting you. Your problem, not mine. I’ve handled everything friendly. Never any intent or belittling. You only make me write more posts, is all.
Perhaps since you are having hte opposite effect that you desired, either trying a different tactic or just stop writing altogether.
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11:26 pm
Is he serious? I’m just honestly wondering whether or not this is just for a laugh…or if the author is being absolutely serious.
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1:46 am
I am going to troll this blog into oblivion.
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2:40 am
yeah revy and you’re doing a fucking awesome job at it u dumb cunt. you dont have a clue and full of fucking shit. do you love christias and how they want to fuck over this world? read some of my quotes above and see what types of peeople you want to defend. you’re a fucking idiot.
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12:25 am
You are ASSUMING I want to defend certain people of the Christian persuasion. Yes, I have a “cunt” and I would hope it didn’t have brains. It would make it that much more difficult to have relations when there are two heads bumping all the time.
Of all the people you could have chosen from, you chose to go after me? You should notice that I havent been defending anyone, unless they are being unjustly attacked. I’m still not sure where you get your argument from. And if you had bothered reading what I actually said when I first began posting, you would have known that. You are arguing a completely different issue and everyone else is arguing the actual issue.
And I’m guessing you didn’t know this site is satirical in nature (though some of us are questioning the blogger stating some statements that are going just too far), so I guess you are just spouting your own agenda and choosing me as the prime target. That’s fine. If you need a sacrificial lamb, go for it. But please TRY to read earlier comments BEFORE you assume stuff.
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1:18 pm
Children made to feel ashamed for personal growth? Are you guys insane?
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5:07 pm
this finally convinced me that this is just a satiric site… and thank god for that…
now we should start to discuss all the racism involved…
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7:28 pm
Thanks for this, I was having a bad day and I was in real need for a good giggle. I find the image of a mother putting her nose against her son’s bed and deeply inhaling hilarious.
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10:17 pm
So…what the fuck.
I have not laughed so hard in a long time!
There is NOTHING wrong with young people exploring their bodies.
It has been proven that masturbating lowers blood pressure, relieves stress and also lowers the risk of heart attack or strokes.
As for saying that masturbating puts people off work?
Personally. It’s like coffee for me.
I’ll have a shit day if I don’t wack one out in the morning in all fairness.
To be honest.
I masturbate, drink, have sex.
And I am one of the most nicest people you could meet.
How I live my life does not effect me as a person.
Therefore you have no right to post this shit about.
Now in your honour.
I’m gonna have a wee cheeky one.
Night folks!
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7:00 pm
Hi I’m the real Alan Pound. I believe in giving women a high pitched voice through ‘Anal pounding’. Personally I believe that masturbation is the devils work and that it should be something to be ashamed of – however a good anal pounding is what Jesus wants. In fact you will notice that in the bible Jesus got pretty nailed.
Feel free to follow me on twitter @realalanpound
Keep #pounding!
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12:16 pm
http://www.jackinworld.com/
Look it up. You need some serious education, buddy.
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8:38 pm
One has to think about a few things after reading this. For one, there are times when I realize why people are so turned off to Christianity. I am a Christian and I do not masturbate, but I have plenty of Christian friends who do.
First off, as Christians we are called not to place judgement on others. This article is condemning any and all people that masturbate. You also have to step back and realize not everyone is against it. It is not our place to judge others – Christian or not. So many people on here called the author a hypocrite and I would have to agree. If he can honestly say he has gone his whole life w/o touching himself inappropriately, I would be SHOCKED. However, if he did go his whole life w/o this sin, that does not give him the right to have mothers sniffing beds, looking for groggy eyes, or untucked shirts.
To say that masturbation effects the economy is more than a large stretch; it is almost unrelated. How about putting less effort into accusing people of their “sins” and more on your work (or let’s go even as far as your Christian ministry which involves LOVING and RESPECTING everyone).
If the author doesn’t agree with masturbating, fine. If you want to help mother’s encourage their children not to … perhaps a less devious and condescending approach could be taken than the bed sniffing technique. Also, the diagram on the “Chronic Masturbator” is so ridiculous my husband and i thought this article was a spoof. You seriously think Jesus walked around saying “well his clothes are tight to hide erections”? If you do, perhaps reading the New Testament would be a start.
As Christians our ministry starts with ourselves and leaves others actions, attractions and sins OUT OF IT. You can have a ministry and help families understand masturbation without stereotyping.
Best of luck “Mr. Christian Billings”
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9:00 pm
Bless you for abstaining from masturbation!
The rest of your comment was a bit self-righteous but I am will to forgive you your mistakes.
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6:29 pm
I remember writing to you that I have never masturbated, and you slandered me instead, saying I was a bigot, a racist (I never even talked about races since slandering any race would be bad-mouthing myself, since I am of every race and nationality), and some other choice names. I kindly stated facts. I in no way attacked you, and only wanted you to answer my questions. Do you FEAR the TRUTH? You are of the devil. I do not care anymore to hold my tongue.
“For Zion’s sake I will not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, until the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth.” Isaiah 62:1
I will be the flame to light the way, to enlighten you, Stephensen Billings. Please come to Jesus Christ and lay your sins at His feet, and all will be forgiven. If not, begone to your devils and sins.
Oh, and your response to InShock was pretentious. Please no more “holier than thou,” you demon. You have yet to prove you are without sin.
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2:16 am
Now I have not managed wading through this whole page but in regards to your article, as a therapist and spiritual counselor, I would like to state that you are wholly incorrect in almost every regard. If you think there are health risks to masturbation I would look at the alternative out look on the suicide rates such hard-line parenting gives result to.
Your quotation made reference to the concern/fury “God” had at the adulterous act, not the spilling of semen. And the previous reference is one of cleanliness, not anti-masturbation. Your research and article are ludicrous, un-founded, and will be causing a great deal of harm to teens around the world. Thank you for the extra work and all, but I am certain when you finally meet your “God” he will care more about the damage this kind of thinking will cause to other people and how you choose to interpret his word to harm others, than a little masturbation.
Respectfully,
Rev. Drew A. Thompson
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8:59 pm
As a Christian Investigative Journalist, man of faith, spiritual counselor and much more, I kindly and respectfully disagree. The Bible is very clear on the issue of masturbation and your reading of passages is faulty. I am sorry to tell you this, but faith must be total and unshakable.
“He that tilleth his land shall have plenty of bread: but he that followeth after vain persons shall have poverty enough.” –Proverbs 28:19.
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6:27 am
hey
hey billings
in case you haven’t gotten the message yet, what everyone is really trying to say is
SHUT
THE
FUCK
UP
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4:00 pm
Need people to link to your site? Be outrageous and encourage response. What could be better than people commenting on his blog? Advertisers paying to sell to them. Note the link to Advertise at the bottom. I’m sure what’shisname up there with his deliberately controversial and creepy/seedy article thanks you (ahem… us).
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8:55 pm
If you are so ambivalent, then why are you here commenting? I believe there is such power in the Christian message it attracts even those it repels. You may feel a slight wiggle in your heart, a turn that will later grow to a ray of light when you’re older and in need of faith. Jesus loves You my friend, please never forget.
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4:05 pm
If you are reading this, most likely you DO believe in GOD and CREATIONISM. In that case, does it ever occur to you that GOD made our hands dangle at the ends of our arms RIGHT BESIDE OUR PRIVATES for a very good reason??
Anyone AT ALL who believes that masturbation is a SIN … are themselves going to HELL for trying to control human nature, even moreso than the NAZIS of the Third Reich! LOL Enjoy!
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7:04 am
What a fucking load of crap !
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8:51 pm
“The kingdom of Heaven is within you…. Seek ye first the kingdom of Heaven and all things will be added unto you.” — Jesus.
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8:53 pm
“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lust. Follow anything that makes you want to do right. Pursue faith and love and peace, and enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” –TImothy 2:22
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10:17 pm
Ugggh, surely this is a joke.
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10:22 pm
LOLZ!
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1:30 am
Hahaha funny how you start off being all preach-y then descend into yelling at teenagers because you’re wrong. I laugh at you, and I’ll keep a seat for you in Hell.
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1:33 am
http://www.distributedrepublic.net/files/Jesus_Fucking_Christ.gif
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2:13 am
Who ever wrote this is a moron
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3:03 am
HAHAHAHA i fap all day and i dont care, i wonder how many billions ive killed on my bedsheets alone. but seriously people, you’re talking about it as if hitler himself came back to life just to wipe his dick on a bible. you should really stop trying to push youre faith upon those who couldnt give a flying shit about youre lame ass christfaggyness. oh and i couldnt care less about your opinions on this matter.
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3:10 am
I like how for the “how to spot a masturbator” illustration, they stole an image of a hipster from an American Apparel ad and then just put their watermark on it.
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3:13 am
I believe masturbation, or Onansism, is named after it’s namesake – Onan – for spilling his seed outside of wedlock. Yes, it may be a sin, but many edicts in the Bible are archaic. If I were to adhere (100%) I would be required to not be near my wife during menses and other ridiculous customs (Leviticus). I think it’s time to move on as a society and have our own religions guide us, not rule us.
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3:21 am
you are all fucking retarded if you believe this.
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2:44 pm
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3
2:47 pm
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12:47 pm
IN THE END……..WE ARE ALL MONKEYS!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a15KgyXBX24
DIDNT THIS AUTHOR COME OUT ON THE GOLDEN GIRLS AS SOMEONES EX HUSBAND? ? ? ? ID BE WACKIN IT I WERE HIM!!!!:P
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4:39 pm
Hey I know lots of Christians and love them all with a purity anyone writing an article like this surely cannot perceive. Do all Christians a favor and stop writing this garbage, you’re making Christians out to be pathetic morons and many of them are not.
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7:04 pm
Bill, you’re either the best troll, or the biggest dickweed, that I’ve ever seen, or heard about.
Your grasp of English is questionable, your grasp of science horrible, your grasp of your own religion shocking, and your grasp of ethics disturbing.
I just rubbed a huge one off while talking to my girlfriend over the phone, shit was so fucking cash.
Seriously Bill, go get a real education. You know, the kind that involves actually learning instead of praying? You might also learn something about your own superstition.
When you’re stupid, a good tip is to listen to people who are smarter than you, like that Claire chick who keeps shitting all over your “arguments.” Way to get shafted by someone whom your bullshit superstition claims to be inferior, by the way.
I just have to ask you this one thing though: when your children misbehave, do you drag them outside the city gates so that the residents can stone them to death? If not, why not? The poorly-written fiction novel you take so seriously doesn’t just advocate it, it directly commands it.
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7:23 pm
*deep sniff
“Smells like semen”!
lol
You backwards religious folk make me smile.
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10:28 pm
actually, masturbation could fall within the phallic and genital stages of sigmund freud’s psychosexual development theory and could also be a defense mechanism (i.e. displacement) in some cases.
and all joking aside, i can safely assume that your article is a cocktail of defense mechanisms (denial, projection, rationalization, and repression).
although i doubt you would take this into consideration seeing as freud was jewish.
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10:54 pm
i would also like to add a few quotes from karl marx (although i will have it noted that i do not agree with most of his sociological/political views) as i can find no better way to phrase them.
“Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.”
“Religion is the impotence of the human mind to deal with occurrences it cannot understand.”
“The first requisite for the happiness of the people is the abolition of religion.”
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11:47 pm
also, in response to your many preachings about morality, i would like to remind you that morality is sociologicaly dependent with religion being nothing but a weathered, crack-riddled pillar supporting a mere fraction of the many, many others.
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2:48 pm
Freud was a well-known hater of Christianity, most certainly in the book, “Future of an Illusion.” He has a rather simplistic, pedantic view of faith, one that has been repeated by every atheist out there that our Lord is a human creation, despite recent archaelogical evidence clearly proving the existence of Jesus Christ at the time told in the Bible. More and more scientists are starting to believe in intelligent design in the creation of our universe. But Freud is also widely viewed as fraudulent by today’s experts in the psychoanalytic field. He used insufficient data, make persistent suppositions and his more crazy theories are simply not taught (giving the impression everything he wrote was perceptively correct(.
Your references to Marx are equally suspect, a whole package of the two-dimensional ideologies which led to totalitarianism and some of the worst episodes of genocide of the 20th century. I’m surprised you didn’t add Darwin to your pantheon of heroes.
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4:13 pm
freud also stated that “”Illusions need not necessarily be false,” in the exact same book. and although i’m not entirely sure of what evidence you speak of, i cannot deny that there could have been a man living in that time that could have only thought he was a prophet.
and your claim to his (freud’s) theories not being taught is absurd. many colleges (including both mine and my brother’s) still teach freud’s theories, and if it were not for these, psychoanalysis wouldn’t even exist. yes, some psychoanalysts did disagree with freud in some aspects, but the beginnings of most sciences were disproven or reinvented in some way (hippocrates’ four humors for instance).
i would also like to know which scientists you are refering to when it comes to the ones who believe in intelligent design.
and it would make no sense to include a naturalist to what you would insist is my “pantheon of heroes” (although i must give you credit for using “pantheon” correctly; i’ve seen it used incorrectly many times, and i find it irritating).
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8:22 pm
“Just because I’m paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not after me…” blah blah blah.
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12:13 am
I’m sorry, but first I was amused by how all of you reply to “Stephenson Billings,” but now I fear for the future.
How do you people NOT realize that this is a satirical site and that “Stephenson Billings” is a first-class troll? In other words, there is no Stephenson Billings. You’re responding to someone who thinks it’s very funny that you’re taking him or her seriously.
Holy shit, how dumb can you be? Most of you need a fucking brain and a sense of humor that people with a normal IQ achieve by the beginning of high school.
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6:10 am
can you prove that it’s satirical?
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2:53 pm
JR, I can’t make heads nor tails of your comment but you clearly have some enraged sense of entitlement. I just pray that one day you are saved. God bless.
“Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life.” –John 6:47.
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5:59 pm
I don’t know why I kept reading the comments except that I kept going back and forth with speculations about the seriousness of the article. On the one hand, phrases like “Nazi-bashing” together with the sheer absurdity of the article really indicate that it’s a joke. On the other hand, I know firsthand that people like this exist and believe themselves to be measured, reasonable, and righteous. The conclusion? Serious or not, it’s both funny and sad. Please pass the link around – even all you individuals who really are trying to make your life better with this sort of superstition. If we can’t help you, at least we can get a laugh out of it.
One bit of advice, probably futile: if you’re really taking this seriously and searching for a solution to some bad feeling or deficit in your life and you’re apt to swallow this ridiculousness despite all the contradictory facts, go read something about the problems inherent in finding “truth” by starting with a conclusion and working backward to observation.
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3:02 am
You insane, radical christian freaks! This can’t be what you really believe in?! You are intolerant, radical, fundamentalistic and rassistic! You are a disgrace for the modern world! It’s unbelieveable that there are really people in 21th century who believe in this shit! You should live a thousand years ago, than you can burn some witches or slaughter young people. YOU ARE THE REASON WHY THE WHOLE WESTERN WORLD THINKS THAT AMERICANS ARE STUPID! YOU ARE LIVING THE CLICHÉ!!!!
It’s unbelievable! You are a disgrace!
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2:50 pm
The difference between you and me is that I have faith and believe in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. You want to a rebel, throw you hate about and you end up just shouting your mouth off like a wild person. You don’t really make a worthwhile counter-argument.
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4:46 pm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm
first link from a google search “masturbation prostate cancer”
here is an article that say the opposite : masturbation reduce prostate cancer according to it. I do not know about the rest I just wonder if there is any serious basis you used to say the exact opposite.
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8:24 pm
Don’t try to outfact me, you will never win.
Masturbation and Prostate Cancer Risk
Masturbation Frequency Linked to Prostate Risk in 20s
http://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/news/20090127/masturbation-and-prostate-cancer-risk
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12:45 pm
Do you even read the links you post or just the title? From the article you posted:
“It is kind of logical that a moderate level of masturbatory activity has to be maintained,” she says. “Not too much, and not none at all.”
You fucking fail, Billings. So hard. Just like your superstition.
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8:45 pm
So, I’m a Christian and believe porn is wrong and stuff, but really… that is definitely NOT the biggest issue you should be concerned with..
I’m fairly sure EVERYONE has masturbated at least once. And it’s normal to explore your body, and you won’t go to hell for it..
PS.
These are the FUNNIEST and most ABSURD pictures I have EVER seen. Thanks for the laugh! (:
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1:34 pm
“One of the largest studies ever conducted on human sexual behavior was by the Kinsey Institute over 50 years ago. The study was remarkable for its time since it remains perhaps the largest study on sexual behavior and made the claim that 92% of males reported having masturbated as opposed to 62% of females.”
Needless to say good luck trying to save the world there asshole.
I’m off to go “M” now,
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8:28 pm
That’s an outdated scientific study and Kinsey himself was an avowed pervert.
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7:09 pm
if you can’t refute the facts, attack the source!
priceless.
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4:24 pm
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/…/masturbation-guide
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_masturbation_healthy
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,401722,00.html
They may not be able to out fact you, but I very well can. Its easy seeing as you use no facts. Especially since your webmd link said at the bottom that not doing it at all is very unhealthy. Learn to read
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3:45 pm
Well of course I don’t masturbate. I’m too busy with Sarah Silverman
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11:00 pm
OK, now I think perhaps I’ve read it ALL… No, seriously, I’ve worked with nearly every kind of mental illness known to mankind, and this article has set the profession of psychology back by at least two hundred years. Dude, are you serious? Did your mother not hold you enough as a child, have you been touching your nephews again, and aren’t you just a closet homosexual?
This nonsense can’t be real. I can’t think of a single, credible healthcare professional who would agree with this mentally depraved rant. Masturbation is not only normal, it’s healthy, and GASP being done by just about EVERY healthy pre-teen and teen in the WORLD. I can’t even begin to break down the stupidity of this post, it goes beyond comprension for a professional like me.
You did, however, forget at least two clear signs that someone is masturbating: One: Hairy Palms. WE all know that whacking the willie will cause hair on your palms, and TWO: Blindness.
This is totally, abashedly, and without doubt, the worst rant I have read. IF it was written as satire, it would still have some psychological questions attached.
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8:29 pm
If you want to be taken seriously when talking about science, do not address your elders as “dude”.
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1:13 pm
Shut the hell up, you old prude.
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12:40 am
Dude…
What you meant to say was, “Shut the hell up, DUDE”.
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5:52 pm
My name is John Pospisil, I live in Australia and I have masturbated since age 6. I started out putting my toys in my pants which gave me great excitement. I especially loved toys with sharp angles because this excited me the most. Once my mom caught me and tied my hands with string for a whole day. But I have never stopped masturbating. When I was eight, I asked a little boy if I could kiss his penis and he agreed. He was only six and I was eight. I kissed his penis and it tasted sweeter than the sweetest cake I ever had. I am now a grown man but I still love masturbating myself, as well as my gay lover. I practice my own techniques on him every day. He will never leave me because I have taught him the best techniques. I think gay love is better than straight. I have known I was gay since I was eight years old.
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9:45 am
Ooooh you’re so funny…wait
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2:18 pm
http://aforkinthesocket.com/component/content/article/66-june2010/218-christwire-bigotry-can-be-funny-or-just-sad-whatever
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8:31 pm
This article is so wrong and takes most of its quotations WAY out of context. It certainly does not rise to the level of journalism. Additionally, the level of liberal bias displayed therein is indicative of the maturity and sophiscation of today’s college students. Well done.
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9:30 pm
You’re in no position to be questioning anyone else’s maturity, mate.
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2
9:50 am
The level of far-right bias on this website is among the most ridiculously extreme I have ever seen in my life. Amusing, yes, but it would take a single figure IQ to take any of it seriously.
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3:06 pm
This was the funniest thing I have read in a long time… GREAT article… Stupid, but so stupid it’s fucking funny! MY wife and I laughed so hard she peed herself, really… then while cleaning up, she masturbated, twice…. hmmmm, she doesn’t look like the pictures you posted at all… sorry.
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7:38 am
Hi,
I’am a French woman and i just finish to read this. First, i apology for my bad english but my real langage is French.
I really want to say this here but are you crazy people ? My first reaction when i read this was laught, i think ” no it’s impossible nobody in the world is enough stupid to really think like this ” but apparently yes you are. Stop to boring the world with your stupid idea and start to see that good doesn’t exist.
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6:56 pm
I reserve my damn right as a teenager to masturbate when I want to!
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8:26 pm
Julia (did you spell your own name wrong?), of course there are other issues for Christians to be concerned about in our fast-paced culture but that doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t be paying attention to masturbation. Raising a teen is complicated business!
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9:54 pm
“Raising a teen is complicated business!”
And you know this first-hand?
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1:26 am
so is understanding relegion but that doesn’t stop you from spreading lies about that either so what’s your point?
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9:51 am
Raising a teen, eh?
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10:50 pm
LOL! This was soooo funny.
I think that the information that masturbating can get rid of fine lines and creases was very helpful. We can all save money on botox and just masturbate instead!
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12:32 am
you retard. everyone masturbates. get over it. no big deal.
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3:14 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
this is such a joke.
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11:03 pm
“As for these children throwing all their vile anger and verbal threats at me, I am not dismayed and I will remain strong in my faith in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. All that doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger.”
Ahem, I recall you throwing a hissy fit about us all being too mean to you a while back. In the comments for your jock article.
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11:15 pm
You’re becoming such a hypocrite with your comment, my friend. When I am praised, you are angry. When I try to respond to insults, you condemn me. When am I ever right in your eyes?
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11:51 pm
“When am I ever right in your eyes?”
Never, because I hate you. I thought that was obvious.
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12:52 pm
note the avatar; claire likes pussy (and probably votes democrat).
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11:00 pm
wtf guys this is bull shit topic to comment on it.
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11:55 pm
I bet your little “tower of Faith” has indeed fingered herself before.
And “Master of Self Control?” Matt Damon has indeed beat his meat when he was a kid.
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12:01 am
you know something everyone out there even you billings if that is your real name Jesus may love you but Buddha loves me =)
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6:34 am
Look Stephenson, I’m not only an eclectic wiccan (witch) but I’m bisexual, masterbate and am 12. I know for a fact almost everything you say is a lay. Schools SHOULD
normalise homosexuality and provide condoms and accept teens have sex. Some 12 year olds in my school have had sex, and I’d only agree with it if they were trully ready,
and safe. I don’t know if they were but maybe you should stop sticking your horrid nose into other peoples’ business and STOP stereotyping people. I masterbate and admitadly
I stay in my room a lot and don’t like hot weather but do you know why? In my room I’m drawing or writing or reading. I don’t like hot weather because it causes water
shortages. I love books and pictures and nature and it’s horrible how much hatred and anger radiates from you. I have many Buddhist friends and I know for a fact they’re much
nicer and more accepting than you because they put their efforts into building a hate-free, wholesome life, not into hate-mongering like you do. I’m 12, and I can tell you
that. Your what age? And you don’t have even a clue. I do not hate you or despise you or wish you any harm, I just pity you.
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10:39 am
Wait a minute! Why does my mom know what semen smells like?
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11:01 am
LOL, they should be asking how an extremist homophobe dad against masterbation knows what it smells like :s
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12:43 am
Any normal mom knows what skeet skeet smells like. Even if they did why in the Sweet name of Jesus Christ our Untoten Savior (Well theirs anyway) is she sniffing the sheets. What is she Jack Grissom’s (CSI) wife? “Smells like he was masturbating at around 1 o’clock and finished at 1:10. Must have been something good too. My guess is two Asians having Lesbian sex” Then She Draws a Glock 9 millimeter and goes for the arrest. Give me a fucking break.
(And if this is a troll site. (Which I think it Is. I still enjoy posting comments.)
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12:44 am
(Add Like to the front of my post. My bad.)
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2:43 am
Ok I’m not gonna be an ass and tell you you’re an idiot without proof so here you go: two of your main focuses are laptops and bed sheets now if you were to lay on your bed to masturbate and intend on using the internet for porn there will be absolutely no comfortable way to both jack off and have easy access to your keyboard and mouse so I would suggest making a further ass of your self and whiffing the carpet in front of your child’s desk, since this is a much more obvious place, in an ergonomical sense, to go number 3. Further more I never jacked off on my bed because I don’t want to sleep on icky baby batter spattered sheets, and I KNOW my girl friend would not like to sleep on them either. I’m not going to tell you the obvious things like masturbation is natural and animals do it and it promotes a healthy sex life, which is considered a mitzvah in the jewish faith, or anything like that because i know that you are too “slow” and too absorbed in the fight against others beliefs to truly question your own, which the jewish faith also believes in. In conclusion continue believing all that you want with out question and I will continue to disprove your articles with common sense.
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1:08 pm
ok, this comment has way, WAY too many words. and don’t be coming around here with your filthy “mitzvah” talk; save that for when you are among your own kind. this is a *christian* website (the name is a clue). you remember: the guy you people killed?
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6:46 pm
Does anyone know when to expect the “Masturbation Invasion.” I like to be prepared for any invasion
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12:51 am
It took me waaaaaaaay too long to figure out this was a joke. I am a bit ashamed of myself.
jill
In Bed With Married Women
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com
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1:14 pm
welcome aboard. when the light bulb goes off, it makes it even funnier reading the angry comments.
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12:53 am
p.s. No one in their right mind should EVER put their nose to a teen boy’s mattress and inhale deeply.
jill
In Bed With Married Women
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com
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12:35 am
i wanked it while reading this article.
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4:20 pm
I masturbated to this article (seriously)
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4:42 pm
So if I could get a christian artist to depict the back of Jesus in the nude (having long hair, and great muscle tone) from the top of the head to the back of the knees bent over, would it be acceptable to masturbate to that? I’d want to get some of my ejaculate on the picture and pretend I am squirting onto Jesus himself. Would that be considered a sin? If so, how big? Would Jesus forgive me for getting it on his back? What about if I got it in his hair? Would he still forgive me when I repented?
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6:15 pm
http://www.imagefap.com/image.php?id=513994992&pgid=&gid=2398736&page=0
My dick. I used this to masturbate an hour ago. It was decent. Stop me.
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6:39 pm
I tried the smell thing on my sons mattress, but I don’t know what semen smells like. Fortunately my daughter came in and identified if for me. She is only nine and she knows stuff her mom doesn’t. She is going to make me proud.
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1:32 pm
Wait your nine year old daughter knows what semen smells like. Either she has had sexual experiences in school. If its not that your husband is cheating on you with your nine year old daughter because she is probably less prude and naggish than you are. You are the reason why I turned atheist!
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10:02 am
THE HORRORS OF MASTURBATION
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10:03 am
BEHOLD!
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1:29 pm
Ok one that injury was not caused masturbation. What you are seeing is a fractured penis, the most common sexual injury when the male is hard and tries to go one way and the female tries to turn the other way. *Break* And secondly I would like to say My family is a very religious family, I however, Drive a hearse cause its kick ass, have used the bible for kindling in my fireplace, have a full collection of each of the thirteen grimoires in my room, and am proud to say i have been banned from the church in my town. I got caught screwing my ex girlfriend in a confessional. So sorry christianity. By the way masturbation has been proven to be healthy.
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12:40 pm
This is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard. Masturbation is not a sin. The quotes you have extracted from the bible are a poor source of evidence. For example:
“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so he put him to death also.”
Surely this is evidence that masturbation is ‘good’? Because if he did have sex with her it would have been adultery, or even rape. From my view, god was angry that Onan wa even interested in his brother’s wife and had thoughts of her in that way.
The old argument that it’s better to play these violent video games so people can exhume their rage instead of committing the real thing applies for masturbation, too. It is so much better pleasuring yourself to porn than getting pregnant too early, STI’s or even rape.
It does not make a person feel groggy; it energises you. And how dare you say that a person’s outward scruffiness coincides with masturbation. You can still be a Christian and be a complete slob, and be a atheist and have a pleasing outward appearance.
I am an 18 year old girl who is agnostic and very open to all ideas of belief. Christianity is losing its power on this world. I have seen and been through so much that questions my faith in ‘the one leader’. I prefer to watch from the outside. If you are trying to win votes for Christianity, start by not telling lies and making masturbation into a moral panic. Teenagers are self-conscious enough and making them feel good about themselves is not a crime; they hardly need to be told that too much masturbation can lead to prostate cancer and other illnesses. Actually, if you did your homework, you’ll find that it lowers the risk of prostate cancer. You’re just trying to invent a new way of scaring people with a worse version of ‘your penis will shrink of you tug it too much.’
Please, for all of our sakes, either bin your computer or step out of your cave.
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1:11 pm
Are all Christians this dumb?
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1:34 pm
No most are much more retarded and anal than this.
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3:52 pm
No, and we’re annoyed and ashamed at the ones who are (they tend to be the loud and outspoken ones).
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11:04 pm
Brilliant piece of satire. I can’t believe you got this many people to think something this absurd was serious. Bravo!
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11:12 pm
I must ask who wrote this? Sir, let me just tell you, Christianity is a bunch of flawed adopted beliefs from previous religions. The idea of ‘Sin’ as well as ‘Soul’ actually didnt start with Christianity. In Greek Mythology (Keep in mind, Mythology) came up and taught these ideas before Christianity. Jesus as well taught what was taught before and didn’t give credit to the wise men who taught before him, and according to your bible, these men I’m talking about are burning in Hell because no one knew of the Christian God yet. But When Jesus said ‘Don’t do to others what you would not want done unto you’, that was said first by an older fella named Confucius. As well as when Jesus said ‘Money is the route of all evil.’ Well, I have to say it, Jesus was wrong. Even if I am wrong, Jesus is definitely wrong. That observation is incomplete. It goes deeper, what allows money to come off as the route of all evil? Greed, sir. Greed is the route of evil. In the Bible, it says that this Universe is a whopping few thousand years old. I hope you are smart enough to realize and accept that isn’t true. Stars that are billions of lightyears away, obviously take billions of years to reach the planet and for us to see them in the night sky, I know this is mind-boggling, but the mathematics are rather simple and precise. If this confuses you, just admit you aren’t Einstein or Hawking here, just a confused old fella it seems. But hey, no disrespect, because we all are, and I’ll get into that. Anyway, back to the star systems, fossils, studies of radiation, the Bible was way off how and when this Universe came to be. It also clearly describes that Adam and Eve were Homosapiens, when we now know there are older species we are descendants of. Homosapiens weren’t the first closely like our kind to walk this earth, in fact, not even close. Sir, I must ask you. Do you have any children? Because, if you do, and any of them ever question your authority, or disobey you, you are obligated to kill them. That’s what it says in the Bible, sir. If this whole world became Christians who did what the Bible said, then sir, you and me wouldn’t be alive. In fact, Christianity would’ve wiped the whole species out from within. But, people are smarter than that. But this must anger your God. Saying this, I am reminded by a founding father of ours, Mr. Thomas Jefferson: “Millions of innocent men, women, and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burned, tortured, fined, and imprisoned, yet we have not advanced one inch toward uniformity. What has been the effect of coercion? To make one half of the world fools and the other half hypocrites.” It also says sir that I can sell my daughter into slavery. Well, this economy kind of blows right now, wouldn’t you agree? I want to feed my family, and according to the Bible, it’s acceptable to sell her to be a slave. She’s a good student, above average intelligence. She’s beautiful as well, looks like her mother. She is also pretty athletic and musically inclined.. So, sir, you being a Christian in these manners, what would you say is a good price to sell her for? I don’t want to insult your God by selling her cheap, you see. In the bible, it also says that slaves are acceptable to have, as long as their from a different nation. I guess that means Abraham Lincoln, as well as my own ancestor, Ulysses S. Grant lost brownie points with your God when they died for abolishing slavery in America. I guess the Confederacy were right, seems like they were the better people. The bible also says that homosexuality is wrong, and that all homosexuals will burn in the Moralist’s method and idea of Hell (which isn’t even a Christian idea of its own) that you still believe exists. However, we found that homosexuality is a genetic trait passed down. They weren’t born to decide to be sexually attracted to the same sex. I guess that means your God just wants to put people in your and his Hell for, rather nothing, but to be evil in the worst degree. It also says sir that touching a dead pig is unclean, that you would be punished for it. I hope you don’t watch football sir, because that means you are just as guilty as the football players and coachs and GM’s of whichever franchise, as well as your masturbators. I guess that means that Joe Namath, John Madden, the previous New Orleans Saints, Peyton Manning, are all going to be punished for loving a good game played in the Western Hemipshere of the past couple centuries. It also says in the Bible, sir, that if you were to ever work on a Sunday, you would be punished. I guess that means, sir, if you had a heart attack on Sunday morning, the doctors who saved your life should apparently be punished. That means, our soldiers, our doctors, our nurses, our EMT’s, our police officers, our military leaders, and so on, are committing sins for saving people if they have to skip Sabbath, if they believe or not. Also, i noticed that clothing items are usually made of two different threads. I’ve seen my family, my mother, my wife, wear this items.. So I ask you sir, since you feel you are God’s agent of the masturbating issue, that you have high credentials in these other areas. Can I burn my mother and wife outside in the front yard for wearing these items? I thought the backyard would be a nice place, but I feel maybe God wouldn’t like that, as I should be obligated to teach my neighbors of their wrongdoings by punishing them. Also, when I lived in Florida, I had a neighbor who planted two different crops side by side.. How should he die, sir? I am curious, I want to know the just way of killing this man for that crime. Please answer me these questions sir, because I am curious. Another thing I am confused about, sir, is, why has your God killed millions of millions of more people in the days of the Biblical text than Satan? Sir, you must realize, no one has the answers. The only reason we question what’s out there if it isn’t working that well, as Jefferson pointed out about your religion, is because we want a better world. Thomas Edision said through his observations of science and mathematics that ‘We don’t know a millionth of one percent of anything in this world.’ C.G. Yung said the same thing in an analogy ‘We are all standing on a beach shore, it is just the lucky few that make it as far as putting their feet in the water, ankle high, picking up a shell, and examining it, calling back to his fellow man ‘Hey, look what I discovered!’, while in front of him lied an ocean thousands of miles long, thousands of miles wide, thousands of feet deep, in a world where 70% is covered in water.’ C.G. Yung said too sir that ‘The only life that is lived that doesn’t make mistakes, is in fact making the biggest one.’ Here’s a fact, we are all imperfect, and we all make mistakes. So admit to yours. You want to know something that I found all great men know? It’s that they don’t know everything sir, they know they’re going to make mistakes. And this paper, is nothing but a mistake. Learn from it, or you’re in fact making a bigger one by not maturing and growing wiser and more humble. I don’t doubt you had good intentions to the Homosapien species writing this, however, history will tell you that many good intentions lead to great disasters. Sir, it is a scientific fact that in one life time a human brain doesn’t use anymore than 8% of its brain capacity. And a majority, such as you I found, fill that up with rational inconsistencies, inaccurate observations, and sometimes, absolute garbage that isn’t even relevant to anything important in life and survival. We’re still a young species, and just like we look back at what men did 2,000 years ago to eachother, what they believed in, we call it irrational, childish, and barbaric. What do you think people will think 2,000 years from now looking at us? Making those obsevations Jefferson made 200 years ago about Christianity? What about 10,000 years from now? What about 100,000 years from now? All I can tell you sir, the meaning of life in today’s world is to find the meaning of life. You need to find your own answers, and love your fellow man, even if he masturbated last month or 2 years ago, love him with all your heart, sir. Don’t look badly upon him, listen to Confucius.. Jesus did.. Don’t do to others what you would not want done unto you. You are just as imperfect and young as the people you wrote this out to. This species is your family, sir. Love everyone. Don’t be mad at people for what they do, because most likely they don’t know what they’re doing exactly. I see you don’t know the degree of things you’re doing.
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6:15 pm
Are you delirious? And hey, how about some paragraph breaks. I am not a young man and I’d have to print out that comment on a piece of paper to digest it properly. But you know what? I’ve heard all these lefty talking points before. Honestly, did you cut and paste that from the atheist message boards or was it a poorly graded high school essay? You make no sense and all that garbage about the origins of Christianity are pure nonsense. Please stop trying to defend your addiction to self-abuse and get real. You have a masturbation problem simply admit it.
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6:24 pm
//But you know what? I’ve heard all these lefty talking points before. Honestly, did you cut and paste that from the atheist message boards or was it a poorly graded high school essay? You make no sense and all that garbage about the origins of Christianity are pure nonsense. Please stop trying to defend your addiction to self-abuse and get real. You have a masturbation problem simply admit it.//
No, you can’t be bothered to do actual research so you just slam everything. hell, you just said you didn’t read it all, so how the hell do you know what’s in there outside of bits and pieces? You just don’t want to admit you’re wrong and instead cast your sins on someone else.
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9:19 am
Man i only JUST managed to bust one off to this, probably my worst wank ever
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6:52 pm
Okay, so I’ve spent most of my day reading a lot of the comments posted in response to this article. I’m going to try, like a few already have, to approach this with a reasonable attitude.
However, given the author’s views I’m fairly certain he’s not going to like what I have to say. Given that I am, according to him, a failure to my parents for not being a strong academic or particularly adept at sports. But that’s a topic for another time.
I’m going to start off with something most people haven’t tried in their comments, with sympathy. Mr Billings I sympathise with. I too grew up in a very fundamentally Christian household where I was sexually repressed and made to feel ashamed of my physical body, leaving me with deep emotional scars. The kind of confusion that can bring to someone growing up can lead to all manner of issues in later life. For myself, it left me without confidence and emotionally vulnerable, this lead to being taken advantage of in relationships. It has taken years for me to undo all that damage, learning to be happy in my own skin, taking pride in the physical body god gave me, and being comfortable with my own sexually. It’s a difficult struggle and an ongoing process.
Before you get all bent out of shape because I mentioned god and sexuality in the same sentence, keep in mind, God created sex. It’s pleasurable for a reason. Personally, it’s not in my nature to want sex with just anyone, I’m a hopeless romantic longing for the right combination of physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection, and I just haven’t found it yet. Yes, I do masturbate, aside from all the reasons people have already mentioned, I do it as a means of better understanding what I’m attracted to, how my physical body works and to practice so that when I do find this person of my dreams, I am capable of pleasuring them to the utmost of my ability. It isn’t “Self indulgence” it’s the utmost expression of love. God is a God of love and he commands us to love one another, I’m not saying we should all go out and have sex wily nily, but I am trying to make the point that sex and sexuality in many of it’s forms shouldn’t be outright condemned and feared. This is where my journey with my faith has brought me.
Now I understand, you had a very repressed upbringing. You were taught to deny everything about your physical body that you thought was “immoral” made to feel ashamed when you became aroused when you saw someone you found attractive. And you’ve reinforced this with decades upon decades of rhetoric and dogma that ultimately twists what god really wants for us. We are each of us crafted by god, made body, mind and soul. Our body is a temple, so why should we be made to feel ashamed of the temple god gave us?
My advice to you, in all seriousness, is if you have someone you are sexually involved with, likely a wife in your case. Talk to them about sex, discuss the pleasure it brings to both of you, and ask about how the two of you might try different things together to pleasure each other more. Express your love for one another the way god intends and celebrate the body he gave you.
If you don’t have such a partner, find one. There are plenty of single people out there of every age group and if you are confident in the body god gave you, it will show in your personality and attract someone to you.
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6:17 pm
God may have made sex pleasurable for a reason but I can assure you that reason is not so you can go touching yourself all day and night, nor was it so you could poke your buddies in the steam room. Please get your head out of the gutter and think about the children.
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6:25 pm
“God may have made sex pleasurable for a reason but I can assure you that reason is not so you can go touching yourself all day and night, nor was it so you could poke your buddies in the steam room.”
You’re in no position to tell us why sex is pleasurable, considering how you’ve failed to produce children of your own.
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6:28 pm
Humans are one of a handful of species that have sex for pleasure aside from procreation. If God wanted people to just have sex to populate the planet, then WHY does it feel good? Why do we orgasm and enjoy it? Why not just have the men inject their sperm into the woman within seconds of contact? Hell, why do people have sentience? The whole “God works in mysterious ways” bit only lasts for so long because there’s just so many questions that don’t make one damn bit of sense.
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9:44 pm
Most Christian men inject their sperm within seconds of being in contact with a woman, as is sweet, fitting, and goodly.
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6:37 pm
this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. WTF
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3:05 pm
Damn, all these masturbation posts are making me horny! BRB
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3:06 pm
Okay, I’m back…what were we discussing?
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3:33 pm
1. Biggest error of this article – God condemns, and any God-fearing Christian knows it is not in his or her responsibility to play God.
2. The biggest used ‘example’ in the Bible against masturbation is the one that gives masturbation its alternate name for some religions: Onanism. However, by actually understanding the story of Onan, he wasn’t at fault for masturbating (spilling his seed), but rather for not following the tradition of Levirate marriage by marrying his dead brother’s widow yet refusing to have proper marital relations with her.
3. Any mention of cleansing in this article came from the Old Testament, in which there were very strict and specific guidelines for how to keep oneself spiritually clean; these were all made obsolete by the covenant Jesus made to us (all of humanity) through his death and resurrection.
4. Real, legitimate health articles that use real research and proven facts state that 2-3 ejaculations a week help protect the prostate and lower the chances of developing prostate cancer significantly. The average American has sex about once a week.
5. Another proven statistic is that 50% of married men are going to cheat on their spouse sometime in their life. I would think that this would be a bigger issue.
6. No human being is free from sin; even unconsciously thinking of another in an improper way is sin, so I doubt that this writer can take righteous moral high ground in this article
7. In school we have to write papers that are backed up by real facts and textual evidence. I cannot imagine being allowed to graduate high school to write such misinformed nonsense.
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8:45 am
oooh my.. masturbation..
This is scary stuff people, I mean.. what do we do when the teen goes out and has a beer, or kisses a girl/boy? or even better
What do we do when they just get together and get it on???
Not a damn thing, why? Because ITS NORMAL. Tell a kid they “cant” and you better bet your sweet ass they “WILL” at first chance they get.
If anything I’d go to say that a lil yank on the pud once in a while keeps most teenage boys from going completely insane. That pressure has to be bled off, not bottled. This is why priests rape little boys. Its gotta come out somehow.. so may as well be in a healthy and discrete manor.
To the author, My god man I seriously fear for the future of our society with people like you running around actually thinking this is a serious issue. Put down the best selling storybook ever written and get a good does of the real world. Values dont have to be linked to religion, we should behave because we should. Not because a book mistranslated (unless of course you can read hebrew) by a corrupt english lord tells us to. And if you think that text was not altered in a manor to help manage a population of otherwise ignorant peasants.. oh my you have much to learn.
Ok, off my soap box.. I’m gonna go rub one off so I can get through my day without thinking about what the chick in the next cubicle looks like naked.
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5:49 am
I do like having more than one side of an issue, although I have to wonder if you have any evidence supporting this claim. I do disagree with it, but if you’d like to be more persuasive, I would suggest having any sources, but especially some unbiased sources.
I also was appalled at the approach of pictures, trying to incriminate just about every kid who doesn’t shower for a day, wears a hat, or clothing that they feel comfortable in. Isn’t in the bible that God is the only true judge? Then who are these parents to influence and shame children for doing something that comes from curiosity and maturity? I understand if someone disagreed with the morals of masturbation and talked with their children about it, but telling them that they will become less of a person for this, is psychological abuse.
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10:00 am
EPIC FAIL.
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10:17 am
Mr. Billings, I noticed in your reply to Heretic_Zed, you were rather rude. I understand you might be a little upset what with all the comments, and although you’re way older than all of us, I pray you will realize something.
The people who are judging you and mocking you are actually going to help you one day. Mr. Billings, these people know you just totally made a fool of yourself. I don’t think you’re a molester, however. I don’t think you should kill yourself or whatnot. But my opinion doesn’t matter, does it?
Mr. Billings, I sincerely hope you can find empathy in your heart one day. What you are doing is one-sided; You think that if someone disagrees with you, they are discourtious. But they’re not! Admittedly, some of the comments here are flat-out rude. But some are very polite. I pray you can see things from both sides, instead of looking like a bigot and a complete idiot.
I know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say this is rude. Well Mr. Billings, you’re rude. You’re rude to not even care what these people are trying to tell you. You just dismiss what they say as wrong. This is why the comments get ruder and ruder. They’re trying to get to you. Maybe if you listened to what they say, you will realize you aren’t always right. If you think that only you are right, you’re a misguided fool.
Have a nice life.
–
I bet you didn’t even read this.
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4:19 pm
Amen, Brother SB
Here is a scientific study paper that them sucular progressives have been hiding from the G-d fearing pubic for the past 150+ years!!!
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4:21 pm
hardly scientific… it kinda miss the you know SCIENCE!!!
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10:24 pm
Hi Reverend!
When you have a moment, could you please email me and tell me a little more about this incredible book! I would like to find a copy and get better scans, it certainly would merit more discussion, maybe even an investigative article. My email address is above or you can contact me through face book: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001366922231
God bless you and I truly enjoyed your insights!
Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist
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10:30 pm
I’d say you’re stupid or retarded, but this is just mind blowing. Are you really agreeing with a 160 year old book full of false information? Really?
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4:40 pm
You’re using a book that’s over 160 years old, provides no reasoning as to WHY this happens, has results that could nowhere NEAR be caused by masturbation, and you seriously believe that?
What?
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9:52 pm
The bible is much older than that, and full of unexplained mysteries. But we know that every word is true. Just because we (you) are not capable of understanding does not mean it doesn’t exist. Closed-mindedness is bad, brother.
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6:29 am
Inspired by another book that is circa 2,000 years old.
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9:34 pm
So now you have to wonder, why aren’t millions of people just going blind and dropping dead left and right?
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10:29 pm
Sounds more like he had Smallpox.
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2:36 pm
In regards to the 1840′s depiction of masturbation, it certainly proves one thing…the so-called “science” of the day that atheists so quickly quote and footnote so often proves scientifically wrong, while the morality is timeless and does not change.
Why do you think so much science is discredited by every successive generation but the Bible is never discredited? There is no debate. Masturbation was sinful 2000 years ago, 150 years ago, it is today, will be tomorrow and until the end of time.
The physical symptoms of masturbation portrayed 150+ years ago are incorrect but the moral and psycho-physical degeneration are evident today: just look at Michael Moore, Kevin Smith, and the generation of slackers that they influenced and corrupted.
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9:50 pm
Please do not misrepresent the teachings of the Bible. This is the worst website for information on Christianity. If you want to know the truth, read the actual Bible.
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7:58 pm
Science is not discredited. Our ways of understanding how the universe works are revised as new technology is developed that can look deeper and farther and closer. Science is only ever revised. That the Bible doesn’t change means that it is stagnant and outdated.
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10:12 pm
I’m sure most of you have clued in by now, but for those who haven’t, you can tell Billy Joe Lee isn’t a real pastor by the way he spells G-d.
I have been a faithful masturbator for over 10 years and yet I haven’t suffered any of the symptoms of smallpox.
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12:47 pm
This website is satire right? I mean it is 100 times more over the top than Focus on the Family’s website, and those people are nutjobs.
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3:47 am
You guys are wasting so much time! You could be masterbating and listening to offensive music!
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8:45 pm
Hey fellow christians, It your main man Jesus just wnated to tell you all to stop being so butthurt I used wack off all the time to my kike mother
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1:24 am
…this is a joke, right? I mean, this HAS to be a joke. The pictures? The graphs? The fucking instructions and flowcharts to determine whether or not someone MASTURBATES? This is the most absurd piece of “journalism” I’ve ever read!
And by the way… Is Stephenson Billings an actual name? Come on, now.
My final point: I believe this article could be easily revised and summed up in a much briefer way:
“HOW TO SPOT A MASTURBATOR:
Every male and a good majority of females. Don’t lie.”
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11:12 am
This site is absolutely hysterical. And as a doctor myself, I’d love to see all this evidence that “doctors and religious scholars” have against masturbation. Absolutely hysterical.
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12:31 am
AH HA HA HA HA HA! I thougtht the “how to tell if your husband is gay” piece was funny but this is HILARIOUS!!!
How to spot a masturbator: look in the mirror.
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1:41 am
How to spot a masturbator? Stand in front of a mirror!
The fact that you own a computer with internet access and that you can type does not make you a journalist.
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7:42 pm
Well I’m married and when my wife is too tired or just plain not around and I feel backed up, I beat my dick like it owes me money!!! There’s nothing wrong with wacking it if you’re a guy and if it’s in private, it beats the crime of date rape for some poor sucker that was brain washed into thinking that wacking it is wrong. And as for women doing it, hell, go for it!!! Besides, it’s always the conservative holyrollers that get caught paying a male prostitute for services, or fondling some kids somewhere, who are these assholes to press their stupid beliefs onto anyone? Punks.
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12:22 pm
The author writes in a reply, “I urge anyone who is suffering to talk to your pastor about masturbation.”
Yes, there are many priests out there who would love your 15-year-old son to drop by and discuss his masturbation at great length and detail.
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3:18 pm
Kudos Mr. Billings! This is hysterical!
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5:40 pm
Alright, I’ll admit you had me believing this until Billings brought in the Nazi defense. After looking around for a bit I noticed the Moral Alerts. “Currently praying to decide who needs boycotting. Please check back soon.” That, combined with how completely outlandish some of the rebuttals are, settled it.
Good show Billings.
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2:29 am
LOL this is the funniest site ever. I honestly hope this is some kind of joke although from what I have read the man who “wrote” this really believes the “facts” he has written although, again from what I have read, none of them are true in the least. This and child molestation along with shoving christianity down other peoples throats is the reason I do not follow any religion but believe in what I think is right.
You, sir who has written this page, are a sad sad misinformed person who has obviously only taken his “facts” from christian websites, christian books, and christian therapists. I feel sad for the people who believe this pile of bullshit.
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4:54 pm
This is the most amazing satire site on the entire interwebs!
Unbelievably funny!
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2:51 am
I’d just like to say that I’m saved.
And masturbate quite a bit.
And I know that having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is what’s getting me to heaven.
NOT WHAT I DO OR DON’T DO TO MYSELF.
Isn’t christianity all about the RELATIONSHIP with God and not worrying about what the person sitting next to you is doing when they’re alone?
If you were really christ-like you would love and accept everybody regardless of how they may manipulate themselves.
That’s what God does.
He isn’t there to judge us or comdemn us.
He loves each and every person regardless of their hobbies or sexual preferences.
He always forgives.
And if you were a true christian so would you and this shit wouldn’t matter to you.
IT’S NOT A SIN!
If you stopped worrying and whining about how you shouldn’t be doing this or shouldn’t be doing that
(when it really isn’t an issue to begin with!)
and worry about real problems like children going without food that live two houses down from you.
Or people who are addicted to more serious stuff like drugs..
Or kids who have nothing better to do then dive into sex and drugs and get knocked up..
Then the world would be a better place.
Everybody masturbates.
What about babies and young children who play with themselves unknowingly?
Tell them it’s disgusting and then they’re ashamed of themselves the rest of their lives?
This whole entry of yours is just hilarious and sick.
You do it yourself.
Maybe youre just ashamed and have to chastise people who do it to feel better?
Oh, by the way..
us “chronic” masturbaters don’t dress like that kid.
we’re your next door neighbors, your best friend, person sitting next to you on the bus..
we make your cheeseburgers and frenchfries..
And your pictures are rediculous… are you married to that woman or are you just sinning by lusting after her and drooling all over her appearance?…
just wondering…
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10:02 pm
Do you want some mayonnaise on your French fries?
I’m sorry, we’re out of mayonnaise.
Oh wait, I just found some.
Ooh, ooh, oooooh. Here are your fries ma’am. Have a nice day.
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8:04 pm
I think the blonde woman in the pictures is Jane Lynch, who is like one of the top 10 best lesbians ever to exist ever. Which makes this whole thing even better.
Hooray for Jane Lynch pictures!
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11:21 am
I don’t conform to the doctrine of brainwashing Christianity because it’s a machine designed merely to extract the sweet juice of fiscal matter and you don’t really care about the pulp cockles its from. In regurds to the article at hand,pun intended but I thank God every day he put a hand at the end of my arm for the reason if there’s no vaginal situation in my life I could used that to ease the tension. I have been trying to figure out myself what the signs are that I display either attire, body language, negligence, facial expressions. Somehow women have the intuition to the fact that I’m a debaucherous masturbator porbably I have sensuous manorisms. I would just like to get to the point the masturbatory behavior is becoming to Me and my disposition in this life and world.
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11:35 am
Stephenson Billings is that you on your avatar. Men u r so ugly and you look like a rapist and a pedophile.
Men really u should kill your self and make a world a big big favor!!!!
BTW I love to jerk off with GAY PORN hahahahaha
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5:27 am
Masturbation is a serious issue that needs a beating!
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3:40 pm
If you silly folk spent more time wanking then this article would never have been written and thus your time would have been spent going about far more creative and realistic venturs!
Thanks, get a life and have a wank;)
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4:28 pm
I LOVE TO JERK OFF IT FEELS SO NICE!!!!!
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5:30 pm
You people are all sick fearful bastards fuck all of you and this website
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5:33 pm
Not only does this site make conservatives out to be the assholes they are it makes all Christians look like douche bags
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4:56 pm
Excuse me, I need to go and rub one out. Me with my loose clothing, unshaven face and sunglasses on in the house it only seems appropriate.
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4:59 pm
I LOVE THIS WEBSITE!!! It’s funnier than anything on funnyordie or comedy central! ROFLMAO!!!
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12:35 pm
Dr.Billings is right, I once saw a man masturbate in the library and since then I’ve haven’t wanted a man….wahhhhhh! It’s all the mastie’s fault….
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7:42 am
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
Serious question: does this site have any earnest readers, or is it all just people looking for a laugh.
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9:33 pm
Here’s how to tell if a person masturbates. It’s very simple:
If the person has a penis or a vagina, then that person masturbates.
Mystery solved.
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4:51 pm
To be sure, my hands are getting pretty calloused. And as for my wife, if a CSI team ever examined our bedroom, they would find her pillows and stuffed animals stained with dried vaginal fluid.
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8:30 am
masturbating is ok if it is practiced once in a while but frequent masturbation will make a person insane…. sorry if i offend anyone.
Any way i found from my friends that if a person is frequently masturbating,”HIS EYE CREASE WILL BE SAGGY OR FLABBY” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOES ANYONE LIKE TO COMMENT ON IT???????????????????///
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7:36 pm
if people masturbated more there would be no war!
make-out, not war
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3:58 pm
Dear Author,
I see you have never responded to my article shattering comment on “IS MY HUSBAND GAY” but I’m not here to discus that. It isn’t your fault you’re writing is heinous to the point of absurd hilarity because the rest of this sight is just as radically stupid as you. I DIGRESS; my point is, masturbation is healthy and I have a little something you don’t have. Scientific, Medical proof! http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/masturbation-guide
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_masturbation_healthy
and even our radically conservative friends over at fox news agree with me =)
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,401722,00.html
Health benefits such as strengthened immune system, resistance to prostate gland infections, healthier prostate in general and in women: resistance to yeast infections, combating pre-menstrual complications, reduce pelvic cramping, and relieving chronic back pain and increasing threshold of pain.
So heres to you, the ill-informed author who never does any research for the other side!
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4:12 pm
Dear Author,
You never answered my comment on “IS MY HUSBAND GAY” perhaps because you know I am right along with the multiple thumbs up i received on my 1 comment as opposed to your thousands of thumbs down. Heres scientific/medical research (something of which you know nothing of apparently) on why masturbation is healthy.
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/masturbation-guide
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_masturbation_healthy
and even your conservative friends at FOX News agree with ME!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,401722,00.html
take a minute and take it all in. I am here to witness for my Lord Jesus, and show everyone who is not christ that you are a false prophet and are not doing the work of the lord and are in fact doing the exact opposite.
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3:39 pm
Ok so this is getting ridiculous… I posted two comments on here and neither went through the “moderating” process. YOU SIMPLY DO NOT WANT THE FACTS ON HERE! I posted three articles debunking this whole heinous piece and you refuse to look at them and even refuse for everyone else to see the truth.
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/masturbation-guide
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/is_masturbation_healthy
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,401722,00.html
i can go on and on about how wrong you are with more sources than you’ve ever sited in your entire career but I see know need to. Oh, I almost forgot; that article you posted of webmd… read all of it! At the end it says too much is unhealthy and none at all is unhealthy. Too much of anything is a bad thing, you should know that… because you are TOO fundamental. Grow a brain and open it to the truth, instead of closing what little one you have to the real world as narrow-mindedly as possible. All you’re doing is driving people away from christianity!
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11:20 pm
“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so he put him to death also.” –Genesis 38:9-10
Good Sir,
Okay, that passage was in referencing the act of spousal abuse. In fact, it doesn’t specify whether he did the deed to the point of ejaculation and then pulled out. Or if he masturbated. The point of the whole story of Tamar the Widow was that God punished her jerk husbands because they neglected and emotionally tormented the poor woman with malicious intent to avoid procreation. Omar did not die because he masturbated.
*For sources see Genesis 38,and Liz Curtis Higgs “Really Bad Girls of the Bible” 2000 pgs 191-226
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10:12 am
You guys DO know this is a parody, right? (Google “christwire.”) Geez. Lighten up. And do some homework before you get all indignant.
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7:00 pm
Im masterbating right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Muahahhahaha
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12:14 pm
What I miss is anything mentioned about masturbating girls.
Surely many of them like to rub in between their legs until until they have a one way ticket to hell.
The question is how to spot them. If the girls bedsheets have the smell of semen we rather have to be suspicious about her being very close with friends, brother or daddy.
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2:16 am
Can someone with nothing to lose please just hurry the fuck up and assassinate this piece of shit?
Seriously, I wish this was a troll, but you’re either the real deal, or so intent upon trolling that you probably deserve to die anyway.
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4:25 pm
When I was a teenager I discovered that I could release the urge to masturbate by sleeping with my sister. I this way I managed avoid masturbation and to stay clean.
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1:49 pm
This is the funniest thing i’ve ever read!! I think that guy in the hat and red sunglasses goes to my church.
But this article does raise great awareness to this incredibly important problem. I’ll start looking out for more masturbaters as soon as im done getting plowed in the ass by my pastor.
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10:04 pm
Masturbation is healthy, natural, and can often lead to a more healthy sex life in the future.
What made me almost pee myself laughing was what you said about Snooki. Honey, it’s called BRONZER & OVEREATiNG. Besides, she boinks too many guys to need to double click her mouse.
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11:08 pm
The article is a little judgmental – I would have preferred the author take the stance of ‘how to spot chronic masturbation activity in one’s self’ – because no one can help a masturbator. They can only help themselves.
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11:33 pm
good lord are you guys for real? i mean really now. this nonsense reads like parody! the story about the nut job in michigan made me want to go out and have gay sex and this one makes me want to masturbate! you people are seriously messed up
and yes, your husband is probably gay. and there is a reason your clothing seems to get all stretched out.
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11:37 pm
weird for a christian site it has the same links they have on queerty.
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8:33 pm
Alright. I’m going to try and be reasonable with you guys.
If masturbating makes an individual happy, then why should they be stopped? If they masturbate frequently, but are happy with their lives, why stop them? A person can easily lead a productive, happy life while at the same time masturbating on their own free time. If a person can do this, and most people do, then why try to stop them?
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2:46 pm
People you’re seriously hilerious! I tell you what a masturbator looks like. A masturbator looks like me, like your boss at work, like your children’s teacher, like the employee at the supermarket, and probably like you. It has been proven that masturbation is a healthy activity performed by many species (which means humankind but also lots of other animals) with positive effects for the individual and often for the couple.
If you don’t believe me it’s a very simple Google research or book consultation.
What the hell is wrong with you? It’s of the utmost importance for young boys and girls to mastubate – it also helps them gtting to know their bodies in the most natural way – curiosity and exploration. It’s also good for adults as well of course, but it is really really healthy for teenagers. Don’t you dare tell your children it is wrong! You’re the sick ones darlings.
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6:51 pm
“As a Christian Investigative Journalist, man of faith, spiritual counselor and much more, I kindly and respectfully disagree. The Bible is very clear on the issue of masturbation and your reading of passages is faulty. I am sorry to tell you this, but faith must be total and unshakable.”
This coming from a person who puts down so many..?
“It’s just so easy to condemn the Nazis but what do you people know about history? The Germans were being threatened by Soviet totalitarianism on one side, French liberalism on the other. They were a Christian and Nationalist nation. They believed in the goodness of their own people. There is a lot to admire in their nobility.”
What’s so noble about the nazis killing 6 million people for being jews?
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10:54 pm
stevey as you know it is a sin to lie… have you ever pulled one off? i caught you man
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1:14 am
At first, I thought this was a real Christian fundamentalist site. Then I started to read through the articles… ha ha ha!
The penny has just dropped for me exactly what this site is!
Hilarious. I now have that America is not full of Tea Parties, fundy nutters, soccer moms, and right wing fuck the earth-up-the-arse types.
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3:28 pm
Well I have just had the best wank to this discussion……….. (bookmarked)
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8:39 pm
this article makes me want to masturbate…brb
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9:32 pm
Finished…here’s my “after” pic
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10:33 pm
This has to be one of the funniest blogs I’ve read in a long time. I espeacally like the part where you diagram the “masterbater” and show pictures of celebrities and why they must masterbate. Made me laugh my ass off. But I must say if masterbating made women orange we’d have a lot more women walking around looking like Umpa Lumpas. But of course, you’re under that philosophy that if something feels good or makes you feel good it must be evil right.
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11:05 am
Is this site for real? I have been masturbating since 2 years old. Just proving the fact that it is an instinctual natural way of exploring the beauty of ones own body. In addition to it being a natural thing, when brought into the bedroom with a husband and wife masturbation can be very usefull. If you dont know how to please yourself then how can you teach your spouse to please you. Sexual pleasure is one of the strongest keys to a healthy marriage! This site is rediculous and anyone who thinks exploring the body that god gave us is rediculous too!
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9:59 pm
Jennifer,
“If thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
And if thy foot offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter halt into life, than having two feet to be cast into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire: Where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.” (Mark 9:43-47)
Zealously yours,
Bill
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10:25 pm
that was written by a dental hygenist…..tee hee
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1:51 am
Why is your page hosted by DirtyShirty.com? I CAN’T HANDLE THIS HYPOCRISY!
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1:22 am
are you guys idiots I mean seriously the main cause of procrastintion is being lazy it’s quite common in us teenagers we just don’t like doing things and masturbation is not bad I’m sure if one of you had done it once or twice you might have loosened up a bit and not written this article so wrought with stupidity and overtly religious folly btw I’m pentecostal
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12:44 pm
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaahahahaha dont listen to these over exajerated people there to busy fucking each other to understand what there putting on here this is a christian website not a website to put on here to make fun of people if god saw this he wouls smite all of the people who made this website
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11:32 am
Many more boys then girls masturbate during the puberty. I´know that at personal experience. My girl (15) and I´did never masturbate.
On the other hand, my both boys (now,12 and 13) start early with this nasty habit. We are a strong christ. family and to us is masturbate
a sign. Therefore I´ve got leave both boys circumcised, after short I´cached they, with the first few weeks of masturbation.
To me is that the best possibility at banned the masturbation. But important is, the whole and very tight removed of the foreskins.
Even it is necessary to circumcised the frenums thorough. My both boys are circumcised at this kind and we`ve got 2 great advantages of
the circumcision. Everytime absolutly clean genitals and banned masturbation.
When you make a good plan of education, you can healing the boys from this nasty habit.
My boys have an striktly timing plan every day and they must drive work many sport. Important is to look every evening in the childroom,
get up to underneath the boys take care off secret a kind of lubrication. Also I´can recommend tight trousers with suspenders and many
buttons in front. That makes it difficult to the boys to manipulate her genitales at the toilet. They need to many times, when you lead
a severes regime. Now our boys dont masturbate over 1 year and I´m very satisfied with the behavior of the boys.
I´can recommend a very tight circumcision to all puberty boys.
Katharina
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11:09 pm
(One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.”
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5:09 pm
This is what happens when Christians try to interpret a religious book that doesn’t belong to them. If you want to understand the Old Testament, talk to a Rabbi.
Oh, and here is something you Crazy Christian kooks might appreciate. http://gelbooru.com/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=880027
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5:19 pm
Here’s some smut for you to burn your retinas!
Edited for indecent display
Isn’t twincest beautiful? Oh, and by the way, this isn’t pedophilia. Cheers, bitches!
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8:13 pm
dear man who is in a very grouchy mood because he has never touched himself, nor has he ever been touched by anyone else, male or female, because he is an uglyyyyyyy muthafuckaaa,
hello. i am (insert name here) and i am a chronic masturbater. i masturbate because…well its fucking awesome. and also , im just so horny all the timne, if i didnt touch my wee wee it would esplode all over your moms face. im sorry, i just cant help myself.
but no, in all seriousness, masturbation is completely natural and its good for you cuz it makes you happy after you shoot that huge lode all over your keyboard
and in general, masturbation is just overall a good thing. a blessing as a matter of fact. because without, id have a tent pitched so high in my pants id be raping your ass up and down all day out of desperateness.
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6:57 pm
fucking brilliant. i LOVE the way you straight up bust on the stereotypical hipster (pictured) as a chronic masturbator. i just found this site and it is incredible. cheers.
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12:18 am
1. If your hands get callouses from masturbating, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.
2. Did you miss the whole “the jury’s still out” part of the article about masturbation leading to cancer?
3. Pornography does not destroy the economy. It is a HUGE part of the economy and if it were completely eliminated, I’m pretty sure the economy would collapse, or at least take a huge hit. I agree that porn addiction can be a problem, but anything can be addicting; food, spray tanning, shopping, etc. Just watch an episode of “My Strange Addictions.” Very informative.
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5:41 pm
Go hide back under the fucking bridge you came from, troll.
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12:31 am
Thank you so much for this Post. Dear god, i did not realise how many AGHH!! There is a Mastorbator right there! Aghh, There is another. Oh Dear Lord, there are Mastorbators all around us!!
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2:32 am
This was the worst crap I have read in a very long time!
What you are suggesting to do with the children (i.e. make them embarassed about something totally normal and healthy, exploring and learning about one’s own sexuality) will distroy any chances they have to have a normal sexual life in their adulthood. I seriously hope NOBODY believe or follow your suggestions. Shame on you!
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7:38 pm
how does the mother know what semen smells like? she shouldn’t be worried about chronic masturbation than what her son will think of knowing that his mother has had semen in her nose
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9:20 pm
Go Steve! You are awesome! Your articles are so true! Thanks to you I now know that my husband is gay and my son masturbates!
Seriously. Get a life you so-called journalist.
Actually, keep writing these articles. They make me laugh so hard, and always brighten my day!
I feel sorry for you. Poor, pathetic, lifeless loser.
Keep making me laugh!
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9:38 pm
Oh my god (haha… God… Get it? Cuz Its a Christian website) exhibit A proved this was a load of bullshit
Btw that penny nance person is goddamn (get it? Cuz she’s… Ah never mind) ugly.
U-G-L-Y she ain’t got no alibi!
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1:12 pm
BAHAHAHAH THIS DUDE THINKS MATT DAMON DOESNT JERK IT
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3:28 pm
What amuses me most about this article is the author’s stalwart refusal to actually read anyone’s critiques with an open mind. It’s easy to shrug off poorly thought-out or badly-written comments. As soon as someone makes an intelligent, astute, accurate or important critique, however, the author is quick to respond by suggesting that he’s been disrespected, or making the claim that his age somehow raises him beyond reproach.
Rather than responding adequately to countless, genuine accusations of fabricating information and sources, the author plays the ‘Village Elder’ card. Unfortunately for him, no one is buying this stale rhetoric. Age does not excuse ignorance, closed-mindedness and lies.
These things are indicative of a journalist who is bad at his job, and very insecure. Just the sort of man who would write an article for a fundamentalist website condemning a simple, common and healthy behavior, then spend hours and hours writing lame defenses in the comments section. A wise man will often ask himself, “Is everyone else wrong? Or could it be me?” This is self-awareness. This is open-mindedness. This is salvation.
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11:23 pm
Stephenson Billings? The best way to spot a masturbator is by comparing his face with a picture of yours
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2:38 pm
SNOOKI NEEDS SMOOSH SMOOSH!!!
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7:29 am
Im JACKEN now in fact i just blow a load all over your website!! Long like JACKERS!!!
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12:52 pm
I can only masturbate to completion when thinking of Jesus, wearing a crown of thorns, nailed to the cross.
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4:14 pm
I masturbate and I like it
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6:36 pm
If one has a daughter should you press your nose to the mattress ,inhale deeply, and say I smell tuna fish? I am looking for advice. Also it is nice to know that Matt Damon dosen’t beat the bishop.
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3:50 am
SPREAD THE WORD OF THE LORD!* GOD BLESS YOUR MATHS-DEBATING SOUL!
*Through your skewed feeling-based interpretation of an interpretation written hundreds of years after the fact**
** ‘fact’ here refers to the alleged ‘events’*** that are supposed to have taken place and in no way literally means that aforementioned ‘events’ were at all factual
***’Events’ in this case seem so crazy and unbelievable that whoever came up with them would be like the James Cameron of today, where scriptures are the medium i.e. 3D 16:9 HD. And that the Pimp (jesus) and his 12 beyatches (the apostles) would now be represented by nipple-less blue sentient beings.
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1:34 am
Dear Stephenson Billings,
You just made me cumm I masturbated to your face and preachings. So, thank you. It was THE BEST EVER!!!!!
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2:58 pm
It is depressing that humans would actually believe this nonsense, and that yet again a splinter of religion is perverting text to fit within their own schema of fear and control. I hope for the sake of humanity this web site is a joke.
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2:50 pm
I am an author of kids books entitled: ‘Everybody Masturbates’, and ‘Everybody Masturbates for Girls’. They are books designed to make kids feel comfortable with masturbation; explain to them why it feels good; and teach masturbation hygiene. Yes, they are real books. You can check them out on Amazon.com.
And I think that the author of this article is missing the advantages of helping kids to feel comfortable masturbating. Here are 3 good reasons:
1) The more time your child spends masturbating, the less time that you have to fight with them over use of the family bible. Yes, Jesus taught us to share. But if your child is in his room masturbating, the issue doesn’t even come up.
2) If your child masturbates with lotion, the softer and more groomed his hands will be when putting them together in prayer or when giving praise to God. You have to assume that even God notices dry, ashy hands.
3) If your child is spending a lot of time in their room masturbating, then you can be assured that they’re not out exploring things that would be even worse like drugs or Judaism.
So, although I agree with the spirit of the article. I think the author should also acknowledge the benefits of having a child that is comfortable masturbating during a time in their life when it is almost impossible to resist without causing serious psychological harm.
Sincerely,
Cristian YoungMiller
http://www.EverybodyMasturbatesBook.com
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10:06 am
I am a gay and proud 18year old, I have a beautiful girlfriend.
I masturbate nearly every single night.
I protest against discrimination against other gays, races etc and for animal rights.
GUESS WHAT?
I am also a straight A student, I have 11 GCSE and 4 As’ (english qualifications)
I have a very good relationship with all members of my family.
I am Christian.
I have many lovely friends.
This is much more than you have. I believe it is people like you who will be the ones who end up in hell. EVERY human and animal is equal, they are Gods creations.
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12:23 am
this website has probably the hillarious, stupid, idiotic posts ever. everyone i know says so. you guys insult way too much. thats not what Christians do. why do you guys talk about mastubating if this is a ‘religious’ site? thats is just PATHETIC. enough said.
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6:28 pm
One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.
I don’t care who says it, if ANYONE smells ANYTHING of mine and says “this smells like semen” then that’s embarrassing! People don’t need to be confronting their children like that!
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5:26 am
Of course “Tower Of Faith” isnt a masturbator…she has some major dick suckin lips that are constantly put to work!
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1
4:46 pm
hilarious!!
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10:46 am
I know how to spot a masterbator… they waslk talk and breathe….. holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you Jesus freaks everybody masterbates and if they don’t they should… its by not doing it that we get all repressed and start wars and cause shit… hey lets go burn some muslims or jews? no, ok then go fuck yourself
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7:51 pm
hmm well thats the problem too many people rely on mastubation as their way of relaxing and it is their addiction.
No one needs masturbation to survive, they need air, water and food and rest, to be healthy we need some excercise and some play, but the play doesnt need to be sexual, as long as we are happy we will be ok.
porn corrupts the mind and the soul, focus on how crappy people feel after doing a party they have a hang over therefore it wasnt something good.
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9:10 pm
-\m/
Motörhead!
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7:54 pm
Hahahahahhahaha this is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time!
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12:32 am
Im a masterbator and its amazing.
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1
12:31 pm
the sooner you wake up and realise thet god doesnt and never has existed the better, then you can lead a proper exciting life like me… get up, smoke a spliff, go and do a healthy days work, go to the pub for a couple of pints then go home and bash one out… your the fucking loser mate, not the countless millions who you offend with you mindless rants. prick
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12:31 am
Masturbation is connected to yeast infections and prostate cancer? MYTH.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm
“Men could reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through regular masturbation, researchers suggest.”
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3:07 pm
Is this a satirical website?
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1
9:37 am
Sorry to inform you but Matt Damon is a Democrat. that means he’s also going to hell, right?
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10:30 am
Thanks for the info. Now I know how to spot a mattress sniffer. What do you say when it’s a girls matress your’re snifffing.
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5:07 am
There has been a massive link with masturbation in males REDUCING the likelihood of prostate cancer, i assume the medical ‘fact’ here was created when people still thought anaemics were vampires.
The stance some christians hold on sex is disgusting. As long as you are of a mature enough age, you are well aware of what you are getting into, and the risks, and you and your partner are ready, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having protected sex. Likewise, there is nothing wrong with masturbation. Who is it hurting exactly? And semen is *released* during ‘wet dreams’ et cetera without one’s control, so if god designed you to only be able to ejaculate during intercourse with your wife in the missionary position, then why did he make it so easy to ejaculate otherwise?
If you shun all teens and children from knowledge of sex, and tell them that any urges they may come to have are wrong or disgusting, how exactly will that benefit them in terms of growing up healthy and happy, in a loving relationship? If done safely and within the best interests of both persons, then sex is something to be enjoyed, not yelped at with a massive christian fear. And as long as it is not becoming an addiction and it is done within the confines of your room, wank to your heart’s content.
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7:48 pm
The issue isn’t with masurbation, the issue is how society has become obsessed with masturbation and looking at porn.
most people just care about fullfilling their desires, everything should be in bvalance and moderation, you chose to say that if two consenting adults chose to do something they can, well if they believe in ~God they chose to get married because they want to please God, some people chose to marry, some chose to fornicate, and some chose to abstain. masterbation ocasionally might be ok but its not ok to look at porn and its not ok to fornicate. I know u will disagree with me but thats coz u don’t believe in God. no hating
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4:19 am
Cocobeans you speak for a lot of people with your well thought out views.
Not me however and I’m happy to explain why that is if you’re interested.
I’ll just give you my views without the evidence here for want of space – it’s a big topic. I’m a retired counsellor and also a christian who grew up Catholic, switched to atheism at 23, then switched back to Jesus just 6 years ago in my 50s, when I started doing some serious theology and bible study.
God (God is real btw, that’s the 1st thing to know) tells us to save sex for our wedding night. Go figure eh.
He does that not to be a killjoy but because He designed us, He knows what makes us tick, and He knows what sort of life is going to lead us to enduring peace, fulfilment, and happiness and steer us away from anti-depressant prescriptions and open windows. Oh yeah He loves us, real bad – that’s the 2nd thing you have to realise. He loves us worse than I love my son, and that’s a lot.
Kids who save it all – and there aren’t a lot of them, wish I’d been one but I wasn’t – until their wedding night have extremely high rates of staying together and staying faithful to each other for life.
Teenage boys and girls who jerk off to porn and/or have sex before they marry, either with the one they later marry or with another single partner or multiple partners, have extraordinarily high rates of marital infidelity and failure.
Pre-marital sexual activity is a high risk for teenage depression and suicide, more-so in boys but girls too. Long-term marital stability is highly and INDIRECTLY correlated with depression and suicide in all adult age categories. (That means it’s very rare.)
Do you want me to go on? There are more stats – they all point to the fact that society is going to hell in a handcart and inappropriate sexual behaviour, i.e. sex not the way God counsels, including masturbation, is a big part of the reason.
I’m not telling you not to jerk off. Knock yourself out if you want to. I’m just telling you why I don’t and why I advise young people not to.
I also advise them to not do sex with others before they’re married and then only with their wife/husband. Every sex partner they have in life significantly weakens the emotional/physical bond between a couple. And even monogamous couples who have sex before they marry have a tendency to marital problems. The act of self denial in waiting til the wedding night is undeniable proof of their commitment to each other. A lot of relationship issues centre around one or both partners feeling undervalued. Couples who are both virgins on their wedding night just don’t seem to have this problem.
Btw I also tell them that if they’ve already had sex or if they’ve started masturbating, that’s OK too. No need to obsess over missed opportunities. Plan B is to stop having pre-marital sex, stop beating off, and just start following Jesus and doing things his way from now on. Everyone sins, everyone can be forgiven.
Hope that helps. God bless you CB.
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11:03 pm
but but but jesus told me to masturbate, i did it to a picture of saint mary. tho i accidentally got some on her cheek, she whispered to me saying “i don’t mind” then she winked.
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6:08 pm
This article was such a thrill to jerk my junk around to.
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7:40 pm
Although this article is a bit over the top, I do however agree that our society suffers from chronic masterbaters who are addicted to porn and itcan have consiquences on the person, I agree it effects a persons apearance mood and psycology.
it is the person themself who has to make the change, parents should stay away and no one should smell their sons mattress and say this smells like semon thats just invading a boys privacy.
people need to diciplin themselves before trying to control their children seriously.
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7:49 am
What absolute rubbish, I know I’m going to regret this, but I just can’t resist.
Verb: to wank
I wank you wank he wanks she wanks they wank we wank.
And there’s a lot of ways to describe this word.
There’s bishop bash, the cordial yank,
the slimy slap, and the monkey spank.
One off the wrist, the Marvin Hank,
the crafty tug, and the Thomas The Tank.
From chicken choke to the one wood chain.
To toss one’s knob.
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8:45 am
To Wank Or Not To wank.
Well Stevie is a known kid fiddler, wanker and bull shit artist.
Nothing but the best for this site
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9:49 pm
Um. Hey. All this angry talk really wacks me off.
And, by the way, you don’t even know what Jesus was doing for all those years he was out and about. Was he human? did he….MASTURBATE?
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6:06 am
Masturbation is normal and it is nothing to be ashamed of.All of us do it.What is the big deal.
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11:02 am
Over time in a world where religion has dispersed
Modern times have shown these connections to slowly deteriorate
“With empires alleging their holy books to have absolutely no flaws
All accepting everything in its deceitful print
They pursue to interpret these pages
To gather aspiration and formulated belief
Their community now only falls from expanding socialism
A divided population disposed
One half putting their gods to rest
Now to only praise the antagonist against of what they once worshipped
His words cradle his followers
While the other half being sealed out of the world they once knew out of pure ignorance
Knowing their fate they relinquish themselves”
Job for a Cowboy- Reduced to mere filth.
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5:33 am
It’s a nice post,thanks for sharing!
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10:13 pm
Everyone –
Don’t you all realize that this whole website is a just a joke – like The Onion. Pure satire. No one would ever take this stuff seriously.
Please – keep up the hilarious articles. We have having a blast over on Fark.
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2
10:35 am
Your son is a chronic masturbator if he:
• keeps a box of tissues on the nightstand
• put a roll of paper towels or toilet paper next to his bed
• keeps a bottle of hand lotion near the bed
• does his own laundry, particularly bedsheets, underwear, pajamas, handkerchiefs, and white socks
• has holes in his trouser pockets
• hides a crusty towel or T-shirt under the bed
• collects plush toys
• grows hair on his palms
• develops severe vision problems
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1:12 pm
This article, coming from a guy who lies about INVESTIGATIONAL journalism, who is a “Motivational Children’s Party Entertainer” and Antique Soda Bottle Collector, just creeps me out. Hope everyone is safely away from you, sir, when you snap. And you will.
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6:49 pm
This is beyond idiotic. Do you realize that there are actually sex addicts that absolutely cannot control having sex? Chronic masturbation as a teen or young adult does not lead to this. The symptoms you describe here are not what they go through. It is a disease that should not be taken lightly and people like snookie and whats his face are not chronic masturbators/sex addicts or they would not be able to have functional lives. Have you seen the movie choke? Thats only a Hollywood version of what sex addiction is REALLY like. Real sex addicts are in serious pain and dont enjoy that they have to constantly search for that climax. It’s a pretty terrible thing. But what you have seriously wrong is that teen masturbation or even adult masturbation occasionally or even as much as once a day is normal. so what. Get out of your box and realize that your fantastic article isn’t going to scare anyone. If anything it will make people believe a lot of nonsense that is very far from the truth.
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4:11 pm
How to spot a masturbator? ok. Here’s a picture of a jerk-off…..
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3 
0
1:50 pm
Erm, look in the mirror, perhaps?
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0
8:38 am
Man, I can’t wait to have a good hard flog tonight. Maybe I’ll look at some porn. Porn with MILFs. And gay sex. Mmm.
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11:43 am
Awesome. Just learned this article was satirical- its so real! Love the articles on commies and suchlike guys- very funny XD
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2:04 am
Here’s a different post. Not everyone masturbates, guys. I was brought up a christian and went to a Christian Brothers (all boys school) and never masturbated until I was about 30 when I thought I’d give it a try. My verdict – Not as good as sex with my wife.
I have a 13yo son who’s also a serious christian. He tells me he doesn’t masturbate – I believe him. Actually he says he would NEVER masturbate, to which I say never is a long time.
I tell him he can tell me about it if he get’s tempted and does masturbate, that it’s not the end of the world. It’s just way better not to. I also tell him that many boys, girls, and adults do it but guess what, that don’t mean it’s a good idea. It’s OK to be the only one who doesn’t follow what everyone else does.
Why is it wrong to masturbate? God doesn’t want us to do it. If you haven’t caught on to that you haven’t been paying attention when you read the bible.
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10:46 pm
How to spot a masturbator? Go anywhere with people over the age of 11. Done, I just found thousands. They are not looking nervous, guilty, or smug because they know it`s totally normal.
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8:58 pm
How to spot a masturbator … it’s harder to spot a non masturbator, isn’t it? I masturbate, my girlfriend masturbate, all my neighbors masturbate. lol.
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9:04 pm
Using sex toys is one way to find out how incredible human bodies are.
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9:02 pm
You wrote this whole article, when really you could have summed it up simply.
How to spot a masterbator? Open your fucking eyes.
I’m masterbating right now, can you see me?
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11:24 am
So this is comedy, no? How I hate radicals, if this isnt. Masturbation is a totally natural thing, and if you are gonna call me a sinner for doing so, then screw you. I love God. God loves me. He’s not gonna judge me for being a natural teenager. So… I don’t think you should take your little bible so seriously. It’s not a manual on how to live. Its a book of lessons to consider. Sooooo….. shut up, you prudes.
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3:16 pm
I think I lost brain cells reading this.
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7:43 pm
This is the most hilarious and absolutely ridiculous things I’ve ever seen and read. For reals? There isn’t a certain type of people who masturbate, a lot of people do it; boys, girls, nerds, bimbo’s, men who need to let out frustration, women who need to. There isn’t a certain look about people who do it. It’s completely natural. And au contraire to the quote at hand ” it poses genuine health and spiritual risks,”, it has actually been scientifically proven that it is good for the heart, excellent way to help you sleep and a stress reliever. This screams good health to me. And it’s a very spiritual thing to do, getting in touch with yourself, if you think this way. But then again, I know narrow minded people like yourself like to rely on an mind-made entity rather than the proven facts of life. I suggest you get out more, do some research before you throw you’re idiotic beliefs out to the world. Christians are supposed to be a loving, open minded religion, but this proves many theories that religion is just an excuse for people to believe obscure accusations. I hope you have a nice time living behind the closed doors of life. You saddo.
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8:04 pm
Pervert.
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10:48 pm
I don’t understand how this is perverted, when you are the one writing a article on spotting masturbators lmao? You must “know” a lot about that huh? Who looks more perverted now.
Dumbass.
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1
12:44 am
This is like The Onion right? This can’t be a real website.
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2:19 am
Bilogically, masturbation relaxes you, plus it helps against prostate cancer.
Now, you must consider other views, like the religious point of view where it is considered a sin (Christians) since you are wasting the ‘seeds’ that God gave you to create life. From my point of view, there is nothing wrong since no kid between 12-16 would like to procreate, so, why would it be a waste?
Masturbation is good for you.
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11:07 am
What if you catch a teen girl masturbating? Or a grown woman? Or even suspect they are indulging in lustful self-activities? What do you think? cut off some fingers? No pudding for a week? I’ve heard weak females stroke and poke their own bodies when no man/boy/beast is available. And I don’t think sniffing your son’s sheets is a good idea at all. It just incites that awful demon of lust in women– we get even a whiff of the sacred seed and we turn into hump anything within reach animals. Women have a superior sense of smell, after all, and weaker wills and no self-control. Maybe the dads should do the sheets just to be safe. Just to make sure awful things don’t happen.
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1:49 am
Hahahahaha! I want to know though… WHY do they know what semen smells like? :/
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1:12 am
So… I believe in god. Deeply. It’s a huge part of who I am… but get serious. God created us. God created everything correct? So god must have the capacity to understand masturbation. Hell, he created it. So if god has the understanding or maybe by your thinking the perverted mind set to create something like the orgasm. Then I think he can understand a horned up teenager taking care of business. Or a grown man for that matter.
God made us what we are and we choose to do with life what we will. I personally believe that what ever I have the capacity to forgive, god must be able to forgive as well. Because why would god be less understanding than his creation? If anything god would be MORE forgiving.
Please don’t listen to crazy Christians like this internet. It gives us a bad name. I personally just decided to go with my love of god to be enough. I don’t agree with most organized religious groups. Also, don’t shove your beliefs down peoples throats. Tacking a Jesus fish on the back of your car wont convert any souls. People who are seeking will find it. I for one will not force my view on some one else and I would expect the same kindness from other religious views. But if I’m asked about why I believe in god. I’ll gladly share.
Masturbation is ok
Gays should get married because they are people too
Don’t stab people
Maybe once you stop raping young boys you can judge
suck it
God bless.
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6:10 am
Sorry but i believe Gay and marriage is unnatural. I mean i’m not against it or anything, let homos marry or whatever, i just think marriage’ll take the gayness right out them and they’ll be as miserable as the rest of us.
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1
6:29 am
Hey Stephenson, why don’t you ask Matt Damon if he believes masturbation is evil. I bet you $1,000 he says NO!
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1
5:59 am
“That smells like semen.” !!!hahaHAHAHhahAH!
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8:48 pm
Clearly, Matt Damon is the masturbator, judging from the pink hue of his obviously post-orgasmic flesh.
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1:38 am
So unless youre pasty and white… You’ve been Jerking off? That’s your theory? Hahahaha! Yeah good one, Moron!
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4:23 pm
snookie had a tan thats why shes orange dumbass fucken tan i swear your like people who dont know about techonlogy get a damn life i swear also do a favor and die damn it!!
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10:06 pm
Hey this is Russel Brandt and Matt Damon is a worse masturbator than me, I know because he’s always asking me to jerk him off!
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11:59 pm
BOOK OF
SATAN
II
1. Behold the crucifix; what does it symbolize? Pallid incompetence hanging on a tree.
2. I question all things. As I stand before the festering and varnished facades of your
haughtiest moral dogmas, I write thereon in letters of blazing scorn: Lo and behold; all this
is fraud!
3. Gather around me, Oh! ye death-defiant, and the earth itself shall be thine, to have and to
hold!
4. Too long the dead hand has been permitted to sterilize living thought!
5. Too long right and wrong, good and evil have been inverted by false prophets!
6. No creed must be accepted upon authority of a “divine” nature. Religions must be put to
the question. No moral dogma must be taken for granted – no standard of measurement
deified. There is nothing inherently sacred about moral codes. Like the wooden idols of
long ago, they are the work of human hands, and what man has made, man can destroy!
7. He that is slow to believe anything and everything is of great understanding, for belief in
one false principle is the beginning of all unwisdom.
8. The chief duty of every new age is to upraise new men to determine its liberties, to lead it
towards material success – to rend the rusty padlocks and chains of dead custom that
always prevent healthy expansion. Theories and ideas that may have meant life and hope
and freedom for our ancestors may now mean destruction, slavery, and dishonor to us!
9. As environments change, no human ideal standeth sure!
10. Whenever, therefore, a lie has built unto itself a throne, let it be assailed without pity and
without regret, for under the domination of an inconvenient falsehood, no one can
prosper.
11. Let established sophisms be dethroned, rooted out, burnt and destroyed, for they are a
standing menace to all true nobility of thought and action!
12. Whatever alleged “truth” is proven by results to be but an empty fiction, let it be
unceremoniously flung into the outer darkness, among the dead gods, dead empires, dead
philosophies, and other useless lumber and wreckage!
13. The most dangerous of all enthroned lies is the holy, the sanctified, the privileged lie – the
lie everyone believes to be a model truth. It is the fruitful mother of all other popular
errors and delusions. It is a hydra-headed tree of unreason with a thousand roots. It is a
social cancer!
14. The lie that is known to be a lie is half eradicated, but the lie that even intelligent persons
accept as fact – the lie that has been inculcated in a little child at its mother’s knee – is more
dangerous to contend against than a creeping pestilence!
15. Popular lies have ever been the most potent enemies of personal liberty. There is only one
way to deal with them: Cut them out, to the very core, just as cancers. Exterminate them
root and branch. Annihilate them, or they will us!
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10:05 am
I think Mr.Billings is against masturbation because he like the clown has no penis.
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5:54 am
Hi me again. Ummm, where to start? Well, looks like you are still an idiot. And even more, i hope that there is a moment after death for christian conservadives where they can realize that they spent their entire lives studying and interpreting a story book. What makes me sick is that misguided idealogy like your affects so many peoples lives. And not for the better. You make me ill sir. And I would like to add that its always the gay bashing fundamentalists that are always getting caught up with their alter boys and poligamist relationships with children. An athiests opinion.
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12:38 am
If I agreed with you anymore… Well, I couldn’t! Everything you said is bang on! Well done! I am not an atheist. I am agnostic and I have always said how wonderful it would be to meet these morons at the ‘pearly gates’ and just be like ‘YOU WERE WRONG! You had a miserable life, simply because of having no brain and stupid irrational fears! ACCESS DENIED!!!’ Whether the pearly gates exist or not is irrelevant… I’m sure I could find a stage and some props to make it look believable… my point is I would give my right arm to see the look an their ignorant faces when, once and for all they realise, what we all know! THEY ARE IDIOTS!
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4:54 pm
wearing a hat normal
untucked shirt normal
belt om yog thats a sin! normal
loose cloths normal bad hands hey he must have a fucking job you idiot
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9:29 pm
Is this a joke?
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1:57 am
After looking at your picture I can tell that you sir masturbate frequently I also think that you masturbated before writing this article
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2:35 am
Wow stevie must have got scared and left, probably to blow a load on his senile mother
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10:53 am
this reminds me of Chick tracts http://www.chick.com/
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12:28 am
I thought Christians were suppose to be forgiving? Turn the other cheek and what-not!? Not presuming they can ‘spot a masturbator’ and then condemn them accordingly!? Unless the person is masturbating over you while you sleep… WHY DO YOU THINK IT’S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!?!
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12:33 am
Because it is a sin and we care about people’s salvation.
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12:45 am
So, you live by the bible? You don’t masturbate or steal or disrespect your parents? You don’t wear jewellery or cut your hair or shave your face? What about the first commandment? Do you go into a man made building and worship false idols? I can GUARANTEE NOT ONE OF YOU PEOPLE ON HERE ARE LIVING WHAT THE BIBLE CONSIDERS TO BE AN APPROPRIATE LIFE STYLE!
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12:54 am
I do not worship false idols. I have NEVER masturbated, nor is s*x there as I am not even yet married. I have never stolen. My parents are deceased, and I never disrespected them in life, and nor do I in death. Jesus and His Father command that, and it is for us to follow or spend an eternity roasting in the fiery flame filled anal fornication that Satan will provide for all eternity. Please, please, I implore you — avoid that fate!
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12:58 am
Funny how you only answered the questions you wanted to. I am not saying you have done any of those things you mentioned but I am asking you: have you cut your hair, shaved your beard, worn jewellery or attended church? They are all sins according to YOUR BIBLE! So are you living by the book or do you just pick and choose what you think is a sin and what isn’t?
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1:00 am
ENOUGH WITH THE ANAL! WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE?
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1:02 am
Attending church is a sin? Ah, perhaps you are reading Aleister Crowley’s Bible….
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1:11 am
“ENOUGH WITH THE ANAL! WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE”
That’s a common place Satan strikes. You see it when people get The Gay, and when he infiltrates you most painfully in Hell. It has been well documented throughout history.
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11:20 pm
HAHA… virgin! What a fag.
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12:54 am
You don’t care. Bad mouthing people and discriminating based on a mad mans profiling and discrimination is not Christian.
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1:28 am
damn straight
but all religions are complete crap,no offense
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1:35 am
I agree. That’s why I am Agnostic! Religion is man made… And like all things man made, you get morons like these these twits ruining it and using it to spread there own warped perceptions of reality!
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1:47 am
And all the Satanic music you listen to is complete crap, no offense.
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1:23 pm
Ok, so tell me what music do I listen to!?
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1:31 am
The Gay? Aaaahahahahaha! Well documented how? Church is a sin. Especially with all the shit the Catholics hang around the place like crucifixes and the mother mary! God says do not worship false idols! All the shit in church is FALSE!!! He also says I am a jealous god… Which again you people ignore by having false idols of Jesus and Mary on display! Stop ignoring my questions: DO YOU SHAVE, CUT YOUR HAIR OR WEAR JEWELLERY? YOU ARE A SINNER! IT’S IN THE BIBLE! READ IT! THE WHOLE THING! NOT JUST THE BITS YOU LIKE!
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1:42 am
You’re putting the cart before the horse. By definition, the images of Jesus and others in the church are given as Truth. That’s where truth starts, via the Bible’s teachings.
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1:46 am
WRONG! BUT THANKS FOR PROVING MY POINT AND NOT ANSWERING ANYTHING I ASKED!
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1:54 am
Not cutting hair and avoiding shaving is, I believe, from the book of Muslim. It is a tenant that terrorists follow. You are not by chance a terrorist, are you? At Christwire, we do log and trace IP source addresses… Please turn to God, give up your hatred and terrorist ways, and allow Jesus to envelope you!
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1:20 pm
Bible verse: Leviticus 19:27 “Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.”
Thank you for continuing to give me the opportunity to prove that YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!
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6:59 am
This site won’t let me post a comment about masturbation?
OK, fine.
Just go to AdvancedMasturbation dot com
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7:14 am
If you can’t post a comment on this site, you are dumber than your mouse. We do not block comments, but we edit pornographic comments because we are not an 18 and over site.
Are you using an un-holy “Mac”? Those beastly machines do cause posting problems due to them being inferior. If so, keep trying. It will show up eventually, probably when Steve Jobs dies from his God-given illnesses for creating a communist computer, but it will show up so keep trying.
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7:07 am
Sorry.
I also meant to say…
MAY JESUS PLEASE FORGIVE THOSE WHO WROTE THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE ON THIS PAGE.
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7:10 am
Sorry again
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8:35 pm
WAIT A MINUTE WAIT A MINUTE am i the only one who masturbated to this article?
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11:24 pm
Don’t worry, your not.
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1:33 pm
Sexual needs are a basic human urge. Same as hunger or thirst.
And, hmm, lets see. If you masturbate, a) you have zero risk of getting pregnant. b)zero risk of STD or AIDS. and c)you don’t have that emotional complication that can come from bad sexual experiences.
So, i guess we shouldn’t masturbate, we should all just go fuck random strangers in an alley to get off, then either get STDS or get preganant, oh, and then there’s the emotional complications and the guilt.
“I’m a promoter of masturbation. Don’t sleep around—learn yourself first! Guys do, but girls don’t. And that’s why girls have so many bad experiences. But you can know your body, know yourself, know what feels good. You don’t have to give yourself away just to have sexual relevance. Because I don’t think sex is something people should be afraid of. It’s part of human nature, so I don’t think it should be so shameful—particularly for girls and young girls” – Taylor Momsen
think about that.
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5:20 am
I used to masturbate 5-6 times a day, and I couldn’t concentrate, I started dropping shit all day, I couldn’t play football anymore and my grades suffered. Now I hardly ever masturbate, have started looking after my appearance now there’s no crusty semen everywhere, and I feel like a new man! So kids, if your tempted read a book instead – especially the good book.
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11:14 pm
Dude I do masturbate 5-6 times a day and I’m not in any trouble, and I have to say it is a lot more fun than reading the bible.
Also The Bible might be a good book, but The Communist Manifesto is a great book.
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4:09 pm
Thank you Brother Billings for this inspired article on the ABOMINABLE sin of masturbation. And shame on those Christian-haters and the fake Sunday-Chistians on here persecuting you with their vile Satanic words. There is a war on Christianity in this country and our right to keep this country pure and God-fearing is being trampled on by devil worshippers seeking to persecute God’s people.
Even us devout Christians can come under the attack masturbation demons. I once went through a period where I had to take 5 cold showers a day and still couldn’t rid myself of it. I began to notice I was losing my eyesight. And those who claim spanking Satan’s monkey won’t make you blind just ago ahead and see for yourself. It’s a lie. They want people to abuse their godly parts so everyone will be forced into having Lasik surgery and they can implant chips so when the anti-christ somes the one world order can track them down. Resist the momentary pleasures of ecstatic orgasmic relief and save yourself for Jesus!
Masturbation can even lead to thoughts of perversion, even an attraction to other men that we all know will eventually end in sodomy if not nipped in the bud. Even a straight man like me was once tempted with the shiny toys available in the Sodomite world. I once went to a homosexual Night Club and was overwhelmed by the pheromones of hundreds of men booty dancing without shirts and thrusting their godly parts in such shockingly deviant ways that I couldn’t stop watching. Just the mere memory of that experience left a doorway for Satan to fill my head with impure thoughts and sometimes I don’t even realize my hand has begun to touch myself in ways that make me sick, but the devil controls my hand and it is sometimes impossible to stop it. The agenda of the gay is to confuse all of us Christian heterosexual men with their broadcasting of gay “weddings” so we become confused and forget the difference between the female form and the harder muscular masculine form. Once they destroy the institution of marriage we will all be forced to partake in the homosexual unions and when we masturbate and can’t get Satan’s images of male body parts out of head we become susceptible to the witchcraft that is used on us recruit us into becoming eager victims of sodomy and all sorts of man on man action that these spells make us do even though we don’t want to. As a straight Christian man I hold my Bible in one hand and my raised sword in the other in defense of Christ. I will gladly wave my sword at any homosexual that tempts me with his lust-inducing eroticism. Praise God!
I finally purchased what is known as a chastity-device and leave the key with my Pastor so no matter how much the force of Satan tries to make me sin, only Pastor can free what he calls my Lord Sword. He has taught me that as a heterosexual male living in world devoured by sinful socialism, liberals obsessed with killing the unborn, godless muslim terrorists, racist minorities, homosexuals demanding equal rights, feminists encouraging women to abandon their family duties to become prostitutes and have multi-racial babies, Christians being attacked on the streets simply for believing in God, crackpot subject like science and art being forced down children’s mouths by their marxist-leninist teachers, and students being beaten and tortured by these Left-wing Nazis simply for saying a prayer to Jesus. And the root of all these problems is the acceptance of the horrible sin that God detests: MASTURBATION, the religion of perverted liberalism.
Parents need to stop smoking drugs and start watching their children. A hidden camera and a loud alarm can be used every time a hand is seen moving towards the forbidden pleasures of Onanistic frenzy. If someone had grabbed hold of the snake in the Garden of Eden and choked it until it spit up its guts then we would know no sin. So straight men stick together and give each other a helping hand in the struggle to remain pure in the face of the uncontrollable urge to satisfy Satan’s itch!
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12:16 am
k
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12:17 am
K.
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11:08 pm
Str8 are you compensating for something?
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12:19 am
Just reading this makes me think you grew up in some form of charasmatic or pietist church. Can’t say anything about Catholics. Sorry, I grew up Presbyterian/Bohemian Brethren. Became a Particular (Calvinist) Baptist as an adult. Can’t take a satirical website too seriously. How to spot a masturbator . . . Look around Oh World, Oh Church. Behold a man? Behold a masturbator. For Pete’s Sake.
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10:12 am
Another article denoting suppression of the natural human experience. Health reasons its actually been proven good for your prostate. IF you hold back to long, it increases aggression, why do you think Muslims are so crazy and aggressive.
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6:39 pm
Abit of a late reply but Russell is lovely he used to be a sex addict and drug addict, and that pic was taken around then, so yeh hes gonna look like that but its more the drugs.
Hes a good successful guy now.
I’ll be honest I personally don’t agree with masturbation if your in a proper relationship, your partner should be taking care of that stuff and if they ain’t enough then don’t bother I suppose.
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12:14 am
to those comments back in 2010
gotta love banter!
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8:24 pm
I fap to that.
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6:02 pm
Wow, you must be a faggot who jacks off at the thought of boys jacking off.
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8:51 pm
WOW THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE. THIS ISN’T FUCKING CHRISTIAN-ISM!! THIS IS A JOKE. SNOOKI IS ORANGE BECAUSE OF AIDS? YEAH THE FUCK RIGHT… IT’S FROM SPRAY TANS. AND THE CHICK NEXT TO HER IS UGLY LIKE MY DADS BUTTHOLE. AND RUSSEL BRANDS DID THAT HAIRSTYLE BECAUSE HE LIKES IT. IT DOESN’T MEAN HE MASTURBATES LIKE THE GUY NEXT TO HIM. THEY ALL MASTURBATED AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES. THIS IS FUCKING PROPAGANDA YOU SICK MASTURBATING HYPOCRITES. IF I DONT SHOWER FOR A WEEK, MY HAIR WILL BE OILY, BUT DID I MASTURBATE? MAYBE, MAYBE NOT. I WANK OFF EVERY WEEK SOMETIMES AND IM WELL GROOMED AND I SHOWER EVERY DAY. I DONT WHERE THE SAME THINGS TWICE. IF MASTURBATION IS A DEMON THEN MATT DAMON IS A MATT DEMON. OHHH I WENT THERE AND IM NOT COMING BACK. YOU GUYS MAKE THIS SEEM LIKE THIS IS A GOOD THING. THIS IS A JOKE. AM I ON PUNK’D? THIS COMMENT POST IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG BUT I DONT CARE AT ALL. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT THOSE PEOPLE ARENT CHRISTIAN. IF YOU ASKED THEM TO BE IT, THEY WOULD, I HOPEFULLY WOULD DENY YOUR REQUESTS JUST FOR BEING SO STUCK UP IN THE ASS LIKE THIS ABOUT SOMETHING YOUR CAN JUST REPENT OR SOMETHING ABOUT. MUSLIM HOMO IS OUT. AIRY FIC
ANTA KALBEE WALD IL KLAAB.
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11:04 pm
Christianism?
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2:20 am
LOL… raw calloused hands… how often is that guy jerking it?
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10:36 pm
hhhhhhhhhh gooooood
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11:02 pm
How do you know what a semen encrusted mattress smells like?
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11:43 pm
You act as if you don’t know, you pervert?
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8:24 pm
If this is for real, then I don’t know whether I should just laugh and celebrate being a sane human being not wasting my life on hateful delusions, or sad that so many are ignorant hate-mongers.
By the way, Matt Damon is a liberal.
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8:48 pm
Christians WOULD masturbate, but Jesus isn’t hot enough.
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9:56 pm
dude, reading this simply kills me! hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah
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3:57 am
I disagree with the imagery of a chronic masturbator. I mean I myself masturbate almost every 30 minutes to hot men, but I look NOTHING like that. I don’t wear hats….
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5:12 pm
I belive masturbation is Better with lots of Sex Toys !!
http://OneHotNight.com
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2:49 am
how to spot a masturbator: if they are over the age of 14, they probably masturbate
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