How To Spot A Masturbator
Masturbation is a serious issue facing families today but most parents are just too embarrassed to talk about it with their teens. Heed Colossians 3:5: “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” If the sins of lust, covetousness, immoral thoughts, and pornography are forsaken and overcome, teen masturbation is a small offense that can be dealt with in the privacy of your own home. But when this self-indulgent practice becomes an addiction, it poses genuine health and spiritual risks, and also threatens workplace safety and the overall productivity of our economy.
It is vital for parents to personally prepare their teens for puberty. This can be an overwhelming and frightening time for children. Their bodies change in painful and unexpected ways. Leviticus 22:4 states, “If a descendant of Aaron has an infectious skin disease or a bodily discharge, he may not eat the sacred offerings until he is cleansed. He will also be unclean if he touches something defiled by a corpse or by anyone who has an emission of semen.” The danger this passage suggests has been proven by contemporary medical science, not just with the spread of STDs, but also because masturbation is directly connected to yeast infections in women and prostate cancer in young men (see “Masturbation May Cause Cancer”). In extreme cases, it has been known to lead to such dire scenarios as retarded ejaculation, urethral trauma and penile fracture.
“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so he put him to death also.” –Genesis 38:9-10
For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused. It has a steamrolling effect, encouraging individuals to think more about sex and less about their work at hand. The connection to workplace safety is evident, particularly with men operating heavy machinery or dangerous equipment. These are the very sorts of people who need to be completely focused and when their distractions and fatigues take over, the productivity of our workplaces suffers. In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.
Despite the warnings of doctors and religious scholars, masturbation still remains very popular in America. As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies. These people become less active in their communities and begin to see themselves as sexual predators whose sole purpose is to climax at the end of the night. Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage. Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.
LOVING VIGILANCE: WHAT TO LOOK FOR
To help turn the tide on this crisis, it’s important for parents and work supervisors to be able to spot a chronic or even just a casual masturbator in their midst. Maternal wisdom has long stated that oversleeping, locked doors, avoiding eye contact, messy beds, fear of clean underwear, long steamy showers and a pungent bleach-like odor on one’s bedsheets are all red flags of masturbation invasion. One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear. The internet also makes it much easier for parents to identify a child’s masturbation habits. For health and safety, every adult should read the article “Protecting Our Children” from Christian Assemblies International about monitoring your kid’s web browsing history. Another helpful suggestion is to avoid laptops and keep the family computer in a public space like the TV room where web surfing can be watched closely. For a good discussion on the topic, read Amber Cooper’s article, “Is It Ok For My Christian Daughter To Masturbate?”
Do Some People Have an Instinct For Spotting Masturbators?
There are people who claim they can identify a masturbator with one glance. It’s not magic, but solid human observation. Up to a half an hour after the act, the perpetrator’s face has several telltale signs. Facial muscles are far more relaxed than they normally are, minimizing the depth of creases and fine lines. On the other hand, the flesh of the cheeks and forehead is puffy and pink, flush with heightened circulation. There is evidence of fatigue everywhere, from a low hanging jaw to glassy eyes. This is compounded by a general guilt or nervousness as seen in the eyes and posture. It is the apparent contradiction of these characteristics– physically relaxed but psychologically bubbling with a shameful secret– that is the greatest indicator that someone has just masturbated.
The images below will help you spot the masturbators in your daily life. The first is a simple display of the most common post-ejaculative face types. These boys can be first-time offenders and admonished privately by their parents in the privacy of the home.
The graph below is a detailed exploration of the habits and appearances of the addicted self-abuser. This young man is putting his future at risk by devoting more time to masturbation than to looking for employment, socializing within his community and preparing himself for marriage. If pushed, he will lie, cheat and steal to support his habit. Many college students fall victim to this lifestyle.
Exhibits A & B: Can you spot what makes a masturbator in these famous faces?
http://www.howtostopmasturbating.com/
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Stephenson Billings
Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !
9:56 am
oh dear gos this is hillarious. i have NEVER seen anything this funny.
btw if anyone think it’s too long to read it all here’s the short version:
“haveing never had any sexual expirience i don’t understand any of it and is therefor very scared of it. because i’m scared of it must be evil. very evil.”
now time to coment on a few of the gems in this text
“One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.”
and if this is not followed by said kid getting a restraing order against you you have far bigger isues at hand. well that or calling some kind of social services to get you removed from their life.
“. If pushed, he will lie, cheat and steal to support his habit. Many college students fall victim to this lifestyle.”
lie? sure most people would lie if asked if they were masturbating. cheat….cheat who with what? steal…. what in the world would you ever need to steal to masturbate?
your picture evidence proves nothing more than that you have no concept of what personal style is.
also here’s a far better method to find out: is the person you are looking at above the age of 12? then most likely they are masturbating. are they above 15? then it’s 99%. it’s that fucking simple.
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2:58 am
J: this is a perfectly appropriate thing for a mother to do, particularly when changing her son’s bed sheets. This is something mothers do and in fact, mothers are more aware of this sort of thing than you’re probably aware. Toilet tissue, dirty towels… Mothers know what their sons are up to! Sorry to break the news to you.
As for the distances children will go to masturbate, well… that is thorny and I don’t feel comfortable going into details but of course addicts are going to do all sorts of things to enjoy themselves. They physically get addicted to the endorphines released by ejaculation. They will lie to their mothers what they’re doing in the bathroom, they will steal pornography…. There are plenty of examples in criminal law.
Thank you for the questions! God bless.
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4:14 am
corection. it’s what disturbed people do.
btw on that same note… kids know where you fide your sex toys. maybe not a big isue for the lonely childless guy who’s never been married(and is therefor a sinner) but i’m just saying.
and as i said…. why the fuck would you EVER tell if you are masturbating. looking down on people for lieing about that says a far lot more about you than them. specificly that you have a seick intrest in other peoples sex lives…maybe because you don’t have one yourself(that you don’t deny)
and steal porn? heard of the internet dumbass? or wait ever heard of masturbating without porn? seriously this is so far out and stupid i don’t know what to tell you.
further down you claim you have done reasearch… show me the research that proves that penny and matt do not masturbate. show me that witch proves that the picture with “signs” or real. and maybe you should actually understand the research you do.
yes there’s a risk with masturbating. there’s allso a risk going to curch. you could get hit by a bus on your way to church ergo going to church is dangerous.
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1:57 pm
“this is a perfectly appropriate thing for a mother to do, particularly when changing her son’s bed sheets.”
If a boy is old enough to be masturbating he’s old enough to be changing his bed sheets.
“This is something mothers do and in fact, mothers are more aware of this sort of thing than you’re probably aware. Toilet tissue, dirty towels… Mothers know what their sons are up to!”
The only mothers who do that are the conservative Christian hardasses who refuse to accept the fact that masturbation is normal and healthy, especially in the teen years. What’s sad and disgusting is that those mothers are more willing to poke, prod, and sniff their son’s personal belongings to find semen than they are to simply accept the fact that their son is masturbating.
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1:59 pm
Claire, just because you may have been caught yourself is no reason to take out your anger on all of Christendom.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:12 pm
I’ve never been caught masturbating, nor have I ever left evidence. And even if I were to get caught or my parents started suspecting, they wouldn’t give a flying fuck. My parents are highly liberal, after all, and they’re understanding and accepting of the changes that teenage bodies go through and the urges that come with those changes. My parents would just keep the information to themselves so as not to embarrass me. They already know that I’m not having sex, so I’m sure that they’d be fine with the knowledge that the way I avoid sex is by self-pleasure. After all, you can’t get pregnant or get STDs through masturbation.
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4:59 pm
the ship has sailed; you’re still on the dock. i hope you & all of your buddies enjoy being isolated & ashamed of yourselves. the rest of us rational folk will be enjoying healthy lives without judging people or prying into their personal habits. i should hope that if i ever have a son, he won’t be made to feel ashamed of his body by adults who can’t put away their prejudices.
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11:24 am
Sniffing the mattress and saying it smells like semen when it doesn’t is lying.
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5:41 pm
Dear Stephenson,
Please Die.
—JD
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10:01 pm
Stephenson, just curious, but how often do you discipline your monkey? You look an awful lot like that slacker dude in the photo. And, from the fatigue I see in your face, you must be chronic crank yanker!!! Dang Dude!! Give it a rest.
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2:15 am
Teach me your ways, oh master troll.
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6:51 pm
what doctor are you listening do it has been proven that if you masturbate everyonce in a while its healthy its only the addict thats in danger now if you dont masturbate say once every three months(this is for guys)you run a much higher risk of getting blueballs(a very painful ailment
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12:37 pm
troll is a good troll
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10:53 pm
He’s right Claire! Fuck you!!
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12:08 am
you are not alone steve!
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4:38 pm
Ahahaha, love it. I want that on a t-shirt.
As for the rest of you: JESUS! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS WHOLE WEBSITE IS SATIRICAL. Eh, never mind. Your flailing and righteous indignation is contributing to my amusement. Carry on!
(great work, SB! Hysterical as always)
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6:07 am
I realize it’s satirical, but I enjoy trolling trolls.
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8:16 am
OMG Deb i’m totally with you….its satyrical, hilarious and for people who arent complete freaks its just a bit of fun….i mean what kind of person could ever think that anything you can read here was ever meant to be taken seriously. If you have a bit of a read of 20 ways to catch homosexuality youll know what i mean…its so ridiculously funny i nearly peed myself reading it
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4:16 pm
my faith in the human race is not that strong.
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12:58 am
Stephenson Billings, I speak for the rest of the human race when I’m politely asking you to kill yourself. This will better our species and the world as a whole. fuck you.
your politely,
~Ryan
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2:55 pm
I am concerned by the daft people that so not like the wonderful efforts of the author. I am a massive fan of stand up comedy. I have quite honestly never read or heard anything so funny as this. I can’t wait to read more. This is fabulous stuff… One person said he wishes the author would kill himself… That would be horrible. You would be taking this away from the world. He should be encouraged to actually go into stand up. Brilliant. Many thanks. Where can I subscribe?
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5:38 pm
I am with you, Ryan, I make an oath to Jesus Christ my Savior that if I ever find the heretic Steven Billings (if that is his real name) that I will kill him for his sins and crimes against God. I know this is a parody site, but that essentially makes it more evil. Billings, this is the modern age. I can find you. You WILL come out with the truth about how you really don’t believe in God and want to push people away from Christianity or I WILL kill you.Three options,
1. Truth
2. Suicide
3. Murder
Two scenarios you will die, one you will live. Your choice mister Billings.
(I am aware that it is a sin to kill)
( I Believe it would be more of a sin to let this man live.)
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1:43 am
Masturbation has been scientifically proven to relieve stress, lower blood pressure, relieve pain by causing the release of endorfants, and potentially prolonging life. So suck it, I mean stroke it Billings!
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7:29 am
I got it! you’re tjat guy from donnie darko! that child molesting motivational speaker!! spitting image…
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9:33 pm
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8:14 pm
Good sir, you are a genius. I laughed for a solid minute.
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2:41 am
I laughed for three hours
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5:25 pm
Stephenson!
Did you get parenting tips from Carrie’s mother? What mother would press their nose against their son’s mattress to smell if they have masturbated? It’s a known fact that young men going through puberty masturbate…ALOT! Probably their fathers masturbate too. We are human and humans are sexual. Who cheats and steals because they masturbate? That is ridiculous! Clearly, you are scared of S-E-X.
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12:37 am
It takes someone to write what you did, which means mummy caught you fiddlin’ it and stealing pornography, isn’t that right Billings?
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11:45 pm
First off, what’s so bad about masturbation? It releves stress, it allows you to explore how your body works, it will help prevent premature ejaculation when having sex, it’s just good practice, and it simply feels good! It’s only socially unacceptable because the bible says it’s wrong, and a lot of christian ideology has been woven and melted into american culture.
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2:44 am
I don’t remember the bible saying anything about it
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12:36 am
dirty hair, unkempt, angry expression… yep, Stephenson Billings is obviously a chronic masturbator. I hope your mom still doesn’t smell your sheets you sick fuck.
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5:01 pm
I can spot all those Masturbators. Do you know how? I just check to see if they’re breathing and between the ages of 17 and 71. If they’re alive and past puberty, they’re a Masturbator.
You’re a Masturbator yourself and you know it. You’re just too uptight to admit it.
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5:43 am
Who the hell needs to steal porn? You can find it on the internet no problem. Or on the TV. Or, really, ANYWHERE. Seriously. Not that fucking difficult.
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4:05 am
what a flaming load of horsehit. this is just like every other lie perpetuated by that pack of hypocrisy and self-righteous shit that the Holey Babble blathers incessantly about.
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7:20 pm
Of course kids will lie about it, because of douchebag, narrowminded fools like yourself in society telling them it’s wrong.
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5:20 pm
your stupid!
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5:54 am
god loves hussies and three legged turtles
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11:47 am
Do you not realize, Mr. Billings, that merely for you to have written this article, according to your own definition, is sinful? YOU are doing nothing for hours at a time EXCEPT thinking about these things, obviously, or you would not be so worried about it! Your premise is hypocritical at best, and total lies about medical advice at worst. Doctors most definitely do NOT “warn” against masturbation… it is especially a healthy outlet for teens (who have no business experimenting with sex in more real settings yet). You are dangerous, sir. I fear there are people who will believe yours to be a voice of authority… which it most certainly is not.
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10:25 pm
I can’t even believe you are on the internet. And you pose as a “christian camp leader”? That is just wrong. If I ever had children I would never, ever, ever let them anywhere near you. You have what seems to be obsession with sex. Pointing a finger at others only shows others it is YOU who is guilty. “Before helping others get a splinter out of there eye, remove the plank from your own.”
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9:58 pm
It’s tragic that Dr. Billings’ own comment on his own article has been “hidden due to low comment rating.” How does our Church combat the unholy scourage on our holy site?
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9:42 am
Narrow minded Fail…
You guys need to look in the mirror.
Masturbation should be the least of the churches worries….the hushed up molesting and the child raping needs sorting out first.
Expand you mind people – If you dont see god in all, you don’t see god at all.
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12:30 pm
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4:10 pm
Well, there’s nothing more to say…ah yes there is… If internet existed in early centuries of our time, I guess this is the type of articles that would have been published. Luckily for us we are in 2010 and things have moved on for us … ah No sorry not for everyone… Pity
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9:01 am
Hmm. Clicking mr Billings name at the start of the article takes you to his facebook page.
Quote from said page- “Special Leader of Christian Camping Trips for Hearty Teens!”
Plus another interesting entry under his likes and interests, specifically the music and activities section- Prussian Blue.
Hmm Prussian Blue? Arent they the number one fap materiel for extreme rightwing fascist’s? Pedobear approved no less.
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4:52 pm
You know, kids without an independent source of income have to get their Jergens from somewhere. bwahahaha!!
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10:50 pm
This guy has a P.H.D. in trolling, I can learn shit from this dude!
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1:28 am
Is this website ment for satirical purposes? Like you guy can’t be serious. If blog is fake than it is the most brilliant shit evar!! If It’s not fake, then it’s still brilliant because of the amount of craziness that exists on this page. Knowing that people can be bat shit nuts is like Art in motion.
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6:14 am
This is a truthful question but is this site a oke it has to be it cannot be real i am outraged at such hate and pathetic clips i am a christian and to who ever wrote this rubbish he who is without sin throw the first stone jesus did not condemn the prostitute he said tio the crowd he without sin but on this site its like the writer thinks he is god forgive people love people do not fear monger especially youngsters and as for the masturbation bit i could bet you all the money in the world the man who wrote this has and prob does masturbate or maybe he should as he is going insane its pathetic to any teenager reading you are normal and fine ignore thids evil god loves you and you are ok this is evil using tips on finding a masturbator well i have tips for finding a loonatic and its you who wrote these post to anyone who causes my little ones to fall away is the word for you as teenagers have a tough time as it is you should be loving them not condeming tem i am ashamed that you call your self a christian you are an anti christ and a pharasee
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7:44 am
Young Man, you lack of punctuation seems to be the only unforgivable thing on this site. Well, that and your incoherent grammar and awful spelling. It is Self-Proclaimed “Christians” like you that make the rest of us look like uneducated Red-necks. Before you decide to call yourself a Christian again, and quote one of the most “popular” Bible verses of the unbelievers to us, please actually accept Jesus into your heart and read the entire Bible. God Bless you for trying though. I will pray for you.
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11:16 am
This is the most ridiculous thing I have EVER read. EVER. Like seriously. Trust me, I’m sure Matt Damon masturbates just as much as Russell Brand, if not more.
It is a piece of cake to hide if you masturbate. People who masturbate don’t walk around with the retarded expressions shown above. They look like totally normal people. Sarah Palin has masturbated. I would bet my house on it.
And the stereotypical picture of a chronic masturbator? Like REALLY! I masturbate all the time. I don’t look like that at all. I’m pretty sure that I submitted a picture of myself I would look just like your typical little church going girl.
Get a grip. This article is an absolute lie.
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9:56 pm
How is that possible that u don’t realise that the whole site is just for laugh?U R pathetic!
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11:14 am
It is clear that you don’t understand the true purpose of this site: ie a way to enable god-fearing parents to do the best to raise their youngsters in the way of the Lord. In this case it is absolutely our duty to protect the young from the self-defilement of this unspeakable act and teach them that self control is Jesus’s way.
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5:12 pm
Masturbation is an abomination, but even worse than masturbation, God HATES when the seed is spilled onto the floor. For those who who choose to laugh divine judgment in the face and and partake in the choking of the Satanic chicken, you are urged to take all precautions to NEVER let it spill to the floor. It’s worse than a thousand abortions.
And mothers, sometimes sniffing sheets, and other clothes isn’t enough. Get a blacklight, darken the room and prepare yourself for the horror show of masturbatory atrocities that you may see. But most of all, CHECK THE FLOORS! God forbid the seed is falling to the floor because it is a big big sin according to Leviticus. If there’s no controlling the wanton wild masturbatory sinfest, then at least invest in a plastic bubble such as is used for those with immunity disorders like the boy in the bubble and place it over the offenders bed so there is no possibility that God’s wrath will come as the result of some Satan inspired eruption that lands on the floor. How many babies die because of masturbation? Millions and it makes the Lord furious. This is a serious issue, far more of our children are being killed by the masturbation industry than even the abortion industry. Stop the slaughter of God’s creation through self-abuse. We need to start protesting the masturbators until they quit killing God’s babies.
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8:27 pm
Why when it goes on the floor? Why not when it goes on the walls, or on your stomach? Also, the whole “millions of babies die” thing is a load of bull. When you have sex, you release hundreds of millions of sperm, but no-one’s ever had three hundred million children. Therefore, you are a derp and a faggoteer.
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1:33 pm
“Masturbation is a serious issue”
No, it’s not.
“Heed Colossians 3:5: “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.””
I’m pretty sure that stuffing yourself full of chocolate ice cream and two cheeseburgers falls under that category. Hypocrite.
“For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused.”
It energizes me.
“In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.”
Source?
“many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.”
You have no right to lecture others about marriage.
“One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.””
Not only is that absolutely disgusting, but it’s a total invasion of privacy.
This whole article is bullshit. There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. Many teens find masturbation as a way to release their sexual tension without having sex. What would you rather have, a teenage boy playing with himself under the sheets every other night or him getting his teenage girlfriend pregnant?
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3:01 am
Claire, you’re not fooling anyone with your high rhetoric. I would honestly appreciate it if you took some of what I’ve written here to heart. It could be helpful. Many therapists I’ve spoken with have suggested that young people keep a journal and mark off how many days they can go without pleasuring yourself. Try to set your own record! And then try to break your record! It could be fun!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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9:40 am
You said it could be “fun” to mark your own record and try and break it.
You realize the article you wrote is against masturbation, right? How do you support it and give suggestions to other people about it when you just say you hate it?
Hypocrite.
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2:05 pm
Okay, I’ll see how many days I can go without pleasuring myself if you see how many days you can go without stuffing your face with food. Gluttony, after all, is just as much a sin as masturbation is.
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2:08 pm
Eating a hearty meal is not a sin. You really should stop riding me Claire! I am getting sore.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:16 pm
LOL. Billings, you will never be right with whatever you say. Making fun of you is a pleasure I’m glad that I have. And Claire is awesome and in every way better than you.
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2:26 pm
“Eating a hearty meal is not a sin.”
Two cheeseburgers for one meal = eating in excess = gluttony = sin
“You really should stop riding me Claire! I am getting sore.”
Perhaps you should stop “riding” homosexuals, Betty White, masturbators, and people who prefer arts over sports. I can see that you don’t like the taste of your own medicine.
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7:56 pm
Stephenson, once again I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking valuable time out from your busy schedule to educate us about this issue, which unfortunately it would appear some of the unsaved are not taking as seriously as they should. It has become obvious to me as I browse the internet that a large proportion of it is made up of explicitly pornographic images and films to cater to the whims and fetishes of all sorts of masturbators and that there is, in fact, a huge industry catering to those poor people who are addicted to such pleasures of the flesh.
It saddens me that there are even people on this site who disregard your sage advice and I shall be praying for their salvation and that they stop this unnatural and heinous practice before they have due cause to regret it.
Truly masturbation can become an addiction unless it is taken in hand and dealt with early enough.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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8:01 pm
This is ridiculous. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. Everyone does it. I’d be surprised if Billings wasn’t just a troll pretending not too. If not, you are repressed and should seek help. Live in this world, loco.
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8:03 pm
Blessings on you, Father! Did you know “porn” is the biggest search word on Google? The great thing is that many Christian groups are leading the effort to fight porn addiction and it’s having the effect of drawing many people back to church. It’s always good to know that you can discuss issues like this with a doctor, but sometimes a pastor is better equipped to deal with the corruption of the soul that masturbation causes. I urge anyone who is suffering to talk to your pastor about masturbation. It can truly save you.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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1:23 am
As Reverend Dan say:
“Truly masturbation can become an addiction unless it is taken in hand and dealt with early enough.”
Yes taken in hand, before you jizz in your pants
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
132 
4
11:00 am
oh really “porn” is the most heavily searched term. wow i didn’t know that… maybe because it’s an absolute lie (a sin mind you). But then again i don’t have any evidence to prove otherwise
oh wait
i do
http://www.google.com/trends?q=porn,+the,+and,+youtube&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all&sort=0
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
113 
3
11:28 pm
Wow. This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. The author is a moron. There are so many proven benefits of masturbating, like one person mentioned, such as lowered blood pressure, lower stress, lower chance of heart attack. And what you said about masturbation increasing the chance of prostate cancer is a flat out lie. Masturbating actually significantly lowers the likelihood of prostate cancer. Sir, you need to do your homework before you start spouting this religious mumbo-jumbo about how bad masturbation is. Its actually quite healthy. And that’s a scientific fact, not your religious “maybes”
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
3
12:44 am
The best part is that he is making sexual innuendos…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
29 
1
6:42 am
hello closed minded man!!!
curlBtrivia is right in showing a good trend that also shows the following
1) the irish are the biggest bunch of wankers in the ways of googleing porn A VERY HIGH PERCENTAGE OF IRELAND IS CATHOLIC/PRODISTANT which to me shows a country of high religion still beat the monkey!!!
2) england is number 2 in the world! which is awsome as im from there,
http://women.webmd.com/features/5-things-you-didnt-know-about-masturbation
these views are off the US server not the UK! which shows its healthy
http://men.webmd.com/features/masturbation-5-things-you-didnt-know
ok again off the US site stating if u basicly wank to much ull loose intrest, depends on the person again but it does tell you guys some good info!!! all science based not what ever these guys are i would say christians but im afraid christians are open minded as our muslims so id say these guys are more on the nazi front.
also reading alot of the comments i do find this website OVERLY AMUSING and sticking to the good ol’ US STEREO TYPE
LOVE
a married wanker.. litterly
Praise or Condemn:
2 
0
7:39 am
Hey, billings, check out how many likes your post have gotten
oh wait, that’s right! You hardly have any.
People obviously disagree with your opinion so why don’t you just give up already?
How does other people masturbating effect you?
If somebody masturbates do you have a beeper that goes off? Stay out of
other peoples business and we’ll stay out of yours.
I’m Christian and I disagree with just about everything you have said above.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
94 
5
5:01 am
Please, all the people asking the author of this article to stop writing similar things are complete misguided. The guy makes me laugh non-stop. We should encourage him to continue, I beg you.
Praise or Condemn:
9 
1
1:10 pm
you sir are what is wrong with religion….you are a fat retarded virgin and i want to skull fuck your mother and lick her cunt!
Hot debate. What do you think?
53 
36
6:45 am
“Many therapists I’ve spoken with have suggested that young people keep a journal and mark off how many days they can go without pleasuring yourself. Try to set your own record! And then try to break your record! It could be fun!”
Just to spite you Stephen, I’m going to keep a journal and mark off how many times I masturbate in a day. This is at least once every day, sometimes twice, rarely (but sometimes) 3 or more times. I will be sure to keep track of my record and try and beat it through profuse downloading of internet porn followed by repetetive masturbation.
Regards,
Matt
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
52 
3
8:37 pm
This is a brilliant idea.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
9:28 am
Ok this is stupid!!! I was raised in church and still go most every week. I am 22 Married and have 2 beautiful
kids (one of each). I love my God and read my bible, and I know for a fact that my husband masterbates on occation
as do I. I say, better he masterbate when I am NOT in the MOOD than go loking for SEX somewhere else!!!
I mean r you really saying that masterbation is bad? what world were you born in??? Masterbation IS a normal thing
like another comment said, You cannot get STD’s from masterbating. well you can if you masterbating in a group
and using toys and shareing the toys with everyone in the group…Seirously!!!! COME ON!!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
35 
2
12:41 am
Ah, so you have discussed masturbation with your therapists? Glad to know you are willing to attempt to fix your own problem.
Wait a tick, did you talk to your therapists about boys masturbating and tying them up??
I have one word for you: PEDOPHILE!
Praise or Condemn:
13 
3
9:45 pm
i’ll sum up everything i have to say about you in a quote from yourself; “you’re not fooling anyone with your high rhetoric.”
Praise or Condemn:
12 
0
6:51 am
This has got to be the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. If I ever caught my wife sniffing my sons sheets I’d pack her off to the cracker factory. What in the fuck is up with this? Is it for real or is this whole site a fucking front for comedy central? If this truly is satirical, please come work for me! If not, just fucking forget I exist, you’re as crazy as a shithouse rat! Just how in the hell does whacking off lead to a life of crime? I never heard of anyone doing time for robbing the ky truck. Holy shit, this is too fucking funny! I think I’ll go rub one out just for the hell of it, after I piss my pants laughing.
Praise or Condemn:
13 
2
7:15 pm
you need to open your eyes up to reality. why would go make us in his image, and make us in the physical, want us to be happy but not want us to do the very things that will make us happiest. you have alot of issues to work through and i pray for you.
Praise or Condemn:
2 
2
7:16 pm
you need to open your eyes up to reality. why would god make us in his image, and make us in the physical, want us to be happy but not want us to do the very things that will make us happiest. you have alot of issues to work through and i pray for you.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
5:29 pm
your really stupid
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:09 pm
sign 1: they wear a cross necklace around their neck.
Sign 2: they say they don’t masturbate.
Sign 3: they tell you not to masturbate
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
236 
3
3:20 pm
ish sorry Billings but I also masturbate ( like every fucking people In this world and I don’t look like the guys with red glasses sure I wears Glasses but it’s for My near sighted problem
I shave and wash regularly and I am actually decent manner for a lot of people I never cheat or steal (well sometimes I lie like everyone else)
Oh by the way Billings I’m sure you are the Number One Master masturbator ?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
86 
7
3:02 am
I understand your dilemma my friend. Here’s a great resource for you and good luck!
http://www.howtostopmasturbating.com/
Hot debate. What do you think?
18 
156
5:41 am
Jesus Christ, you are really living in your own bubble, aren’t you?!
Don’t you understand your behaviour and ‘insights’ are damaging the last bit of respect people can muster for conservative Christians these days?
Your ignorance is appalling!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
42 
4
5:12 pm
look for person who looks exactly like billings. Now thats a wanker.
now the only reason he see’s himself not a wanker, Its time to play with uncle Steve girls and boys
Praise or Condemn:
1 
2
3:32 pm
and it’s time to play “use billings own stupid methods against him”
now just as billings have posted 2 pictures and used them to comment on how they look and made some weird corelation about that would have something to do with them masturbating you should do something alike. i will start by posting a picture that shows how you will look if you are christian and if you are not. LET’S PLAY!!!
okay here we have hot girl not beliveing in god and obvously haveing a sense of humour
and here we hav- OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT!!! GET IT AWAY.
yeah this is what christianity will turn you into.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
184 
10
7:19 pm
A gay zombie?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
61 
7
10:14 pm
Lol a Gay zombie funny
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
52 
6
1:29 pm
gay zombie….. IT’S ZOMBIE JESUS!!! WE FOUND HIM!!!!!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
77 
7
9:08 am
Oh wow! She’s hot!
I’m masturbating to her picture.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
117 
1
7:36 pm
Remember that ChristWire is helping our urban ministry sell ex masturbatory tshirts.
Ex Masturbatory tshirts
Hot debate. What do you think?
15 
150
12:12 pm
And also giving lessons for those who’d like to learn to do it correctly.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
82 
6
11:11 pm
Buy our anti-masturbatory shirts! Moneys!! We needs it!!!!!! FEEEED MEE
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
50 
4
7:16 am
oh my god. that is hillarious. I want to buy your stupid/awesome ex-masturbator shirt. do you have any idea how many people would NOT take that seriously? plus it gives me a chance to tell this story and make fun of you.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
29 
2
4:09 pm
LOLOLOLOLOL EX-MASTURBATOR?? That’s amazing. Seriously, amazing. I would totally wear that shirt.
Btw, “EX-VIRGIN”?? That makes no sense.
Praise or Condemn:
20 
1
3:09 pm
LOL….i used to masturbate, but all i got was this cum-stained t-shirt!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
45 
0
7:51 pm
Why is your picture there one of those weird yearbook photo things from like 4 years ago?
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:03 am
I spent 3 hours the other day with an “oversized sexual aid” and, all of a sudden, hair began growing from my palms, and I went blind!
Oh, if only I had repented my evil, lustful ways. Alas.
Ah well. Time for porn!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
138 
6
3:04 am
It’s not really appropriate to make jokes here, sorry.
Hot debate. What do you think?
12 
188
8:27 am
guess what i’m doing right now
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
123 
4
8:45 am
Why not?
This ENTIRE SITE is a joke.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
144 
7
11:04 am
Yeah… This is a joke right?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
46 
8
7:51 pm
thanks for reminding masterbation is the reason we have wars …..
ohh no thats right most of the wars in the world today and through
history is because of religion . half of you so called christions are child molestors , porn freaks ,theives and you hide behind your faith get a life and leave us normal people to a normal life
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
83 
6
10:55 pm
Its also not appropriate to be a hateful , judgmental,worthless human being,…but you have no problem doing it.People like you are the root of everything thats wrong in this world.I am having a hard time believing this website is even real.I feel sorry for you,truly
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
32 
5
2:28 pm
WOWOWOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CRAP IS ACTUALLY FOLLOWED AND BELIEVED BY PEOPLE !!! ?????? WHAT THE FUCK! WE LIVE IN 2010 AND THIS BULLSHIT IS STILL BEING SPREAD AROUND?!?!?!? WOWOWOWOW MASTURBATION IS COMPLETELY NORMAL AND NATURAL AND THOSE OF YOU THAT BELIEVE ITS EVIL ARE FRIGGIN IDIOTS IM SORRY BUT YOU ARE!!! MUTUAL MASTURBATION IS A GREAT THING TO DO WITH YOUR LOVER AS IT CAN HELP YOU TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHERS BODIES BETTER!!! SEX IS BEAUTIFUL AND THE HUMAN NAKED FORM IS ALSO BEAUTIFUL… AT LEAST THOSE OF US THAT MASTURBATE AND BELIEVE IN THIS EVIL ARENT LIKE YOUR GODDAMNED PRIESTS THAT LIKE TO MOLEST AND RAPE LITTLE FUCKING BOYS ASSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SICKOS AND PERVS UR PRIESTS ARE BUT WE ARE THE FUCKED UP ONES???? WTF!! LMFAO
Praise or Condemn:
5 
5
8:59 am
oh you know whats a joke?? GOD AND YOUR CUM GUZZLING RELIGION
Praise or Condemn:
1 
3
7:38 pm
Why isn’t it? Your articles are hilarious. That’s not considered making a joke? It must be because nothing you have said is based on facts….FACTS!!! That’s what makes people believers…facts. Got any? I don’t mean the kind you’ve BEEN spewing out, but rather ones you can back up. No? Huh…imagine that.
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
3:14 pm
lol, if it’s not appropriate to make jokes you should stop posting these articles
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
6:54 am
Hey Leslie,
You sound like a hot chick with a big dildo. Want to have cybersex and masturbate together some time?
Praise or Condemn:
23 
6
12:20 am
Handcuffs can help. Parents should cuff masterbators to their beadposts and hang Bibles from the ceiling or play recodings of appropriate Biblical passages to reform these Godless heathens.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
90 
9
3:17 am
Well in the old days children would have their hands tied to bedposts with soft towels. It was not painful at all, but did limit any late night temptations but I don’t think parents would be willing to do that these days.
Hot debate. What do you think?
13 
158
6:40 pm
You know what I did today? I took a copy of that stupid book you are so fond of, rolled a bunch of pages up from Luke, and shoved it in my ass and whacked off while doing so. I chose Luke, because my last boyfriend was named Luke, and he had a huge cock.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
91 
7
8:06 pm
MEIN FUHRER! OUR INFORMATION IS INCORRECT! our national socialist allies in germany have uncovered that your research iz actually incorrect! ZE SOURCE, YOU TOOK IT TOO EARLY! ZE STUDIES, ZHEY WERE UNCONCLUSIVE! ZHEY… ZHEY WERE RESOLVED AS THIS! http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm MEIN FUHRER, WHAT DO WE DO? SHOULD WE BLATENTLY DISREGARD all EVIDENCE? OR SHOULD WE FALL BACK ON PUSSY BIBLE QUOTES?
DIRECT US! ZEIG HEIL!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
59 
6
9:52 am
Now now, don’t tease him, you know christians don’t believe in science.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
41 
1
10:57 pm
YOU SOUND LIKE A FRAK!YOU BELONG IN JAIL!TIE KIDS HANDS TO THERE BEDPOST.ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!!!F ING DISGUSTING
Hot debate. What do you think?
26 
4
7:19 am
dear stephen, i just want to say, i believe that you are a kiddie porn loving, masturbator child molestor.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
36 
2
9:55 am
Your correct Billings – they wouldn’t do that today because it is PURE CHILD ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
“For adults, masturbation exhausts.” – Sex in general exhausts one. Evidently you’ve never had any type of sex, or you would know this.
“The connection to workplace safety is evident, particularly with men operating heavy machinery or dangerous equipment.” Can you please post your link to this fact? Oh, wait, I know that’s a stupid question. You have no sources for crap you make up.
“In offices, internet porn is the most common cause of procrastination and another drain on the economy.” Guess you’ve never held a real job. Major corporations have ‘spyware’ on their computers where they are able to track just what their employees are doing on the internet. I used to work for a small medical equipment supplier that even did this.
“Despite the warnings of doctors and religious scholars, masturbation still remains very popular in America. As a society, this degree of self-manipulation goes too far in familiarizing men and women with their bodies.”
I don’t know of any doctors that state this – just the opposite. My husband has been prone to prostate problems for the last 5 years. His doctor back in IN told him frequent ejaculation would help. Even his Doctor at the Veterans Administration where we currently live has told him the same thing. I’ve seen this stated several times by several doctors on TV when discussing this.
As far as the second sentence goes, that is a good thing. Why?? Because you will know what your body is like. It helps one diagnose different medical issues that one may have. My Mother had a cancerous spot show up on her labia (do you know where that is Billings?). HER doctor told her that she should actually examine herself monthly (guess you can get the drift from that statement that my mother does not masturbate and since it was at a time when my father was still alive, they weren’t having regular sex).
“Masturbation has had a ruinous effect on the institution of marriage.” Again, please state where you obtained these facts? I agree with the other person on here that stated that she prefer her husband to masturbate when she doesn’t feel like having sex instead of seeking out other women to have an affair with. I’m right there with you Sister!! Maybe if my first husband had done that more often, we may still be married. Also, I wouldn’t have contracted an STD that caused me to have to have a partial hysterectomy at the age of 28. No, instead he chose to have numerous sexual one night stands.
“Countless couples have been destroyed by porn addiction, many other men have just given up on the idea of marriage because they prefer to pleasure themselves whenever they choose, free from the interruptions of family life.”
The first part of this is THE only statement in which you are correct, however it has nothing to do with the entire blog (I REFUSE to call you a journalist until you start doing actual research and gladly site your sources instead of making them up).
There is a HUGE difference between porn and a person that occasionally masturbates. One does not need to watch porn to masturbate, however, with that being said, there is such a thing as a porn addiction. Occasionally watching porn can help to spice up a married sex life. MANY psychologists will tell you that.
As far as the second part – well, that could be a good thing, after all our world is overpopulated as well. That may be a good measure of population control.
“Maternal wisdom has long stated that oversleeping, locked doors, avoiding eye contact, messy beds, fear of clean underwear, long steamy showers and a pungent bleach-like odor on one’s bedsheets are all red flags of masturbation invasion. One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.” ”
You have got to be kidding me!!!! What a friggin joke!!! AND TRULY DISGUSTING!! I bet the ‘mothers’ that told you this probably sniff their underwear!!!
You also stated above that it was not ok to joke in regards to this. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE I HAVE EVER SEEN!! Please, Please, Please, Please go crawl back under the rock that you came out from under!!
You are such a self-righteous bigot that it just stupefies that you can exist anywhere. I bet you don’t even go out in the daylight for fear of contracting a disease from us ordinary people.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
32 
3
1:02 am
T Alenduff, you are awesome.
I mentioned to him about the fact the article he linked to his statment of “Despite the warnings of doctors and religious scholars, masturbation still remains very popular in America” was completely OPPOSITE of what he wrote. I seriously laughed.
I don’t support masturbation, but i am not about to shout out at the top of my lungs (even though he is attempting to write satire) about binding a youth to a bed, and then claim that it’s “been done.” Sickness of the mind, that man has…
Praise or Condemn:
9 
2
1:07 am
PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE! PEDOPHILE!
I think this is the best argument and the honest truth: Billings is a pedophile!
Praise or Condemn:
21 
1
8:43 pm
Your mental instability is frightening.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
28
9:48 pm
Billings, why do you keep doing this?
99% of the people who read your article are not here because they agree with you.
To most people, you come across as a psychotic religious nutcase with a severe disconnect from reality.
Your sources are contrived and clearly disregard any evidence that disagrees with you.
But seriously, you are not helping anyone become closer to god, the people who already agree with you will praise you, (like the reverend)and the people you are trying to save, the “sinners”, the masterbators, those who are “doomed to hell”, are only driven away by your pretentious nature. Instead of responding to people who disagree with you with rational retorts, you pass judgment upon them, you insult them, you commit the very sins you condemn them for, every time you have responded to a comment, you have “sinned”.
The scary part is, i think you are aware of exactly what you are doing.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
2
9:54 pm
Chico, this article has been helpful to many, but becuase of the internet a large groups has decided to spam this message board with their hate and nonsense. It is important for my composure and credibility to level the playing field so to speak with reason and faith. So yes, I do need to reply to some of the more insane posts on here. But I have heard privately from many parents that this article was truly helpful for dealing with troubled teens.
“He that speaketh truth sheweth forth righteousness: but a false witness deceit.”
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
33
10:18 pm
Glad to get a prompt response
anyways…
I want to try and keep this as professional as possible, please understand that I’m trying my hardest not to offend.
look man, your articles do come across as an illogical rant. For example your photo comparison, that’s the kind of stuff that is gonna get you in trouble with your readers. There’s no evidence to back up your claims.
For the first one, I will acknowledge that Snooki is a freak of nature, but what you say about Penny Nance Young? in your description it honestly sounds like you have a thing for her.”Flawless”, “perfect”, “intense”, to most people that is entering creeper territory. There is no information out there that gives any indication as to whether or not either of them masterbate.
In the second one, Brand has no reason to masturbate, women probably line up for him, the picture you chose was intentionally a bad one, and your readers can see you are attempting to put a spin on your article. In addition, judging by the fact that he was at some sort of premiere in that picture, I’m willing to bet that he had about half a dozen people working to give him that “i honestly don’t give a shit look”, that’s just his style, there is no reason to attribute it to masturbation, teenage girls think its cool.
*Also, if someone makes a post that’s intentionally trying to provoke you, such as typing Pedophile repeatedly or posting an obscene image, IGNORE it, you wont do anything by arguing with them. But, you need to take serious account of the kids who give “rational” responses, the ones that actually try to make an argument, dont just blow them off by saying “Claire, you’re not fooling anyone with your high rhetoric.” That very sentence is hypocritical.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
2
10:33 pm
I really don’t need the lecture, nor your advice. I lead my life very well and my faith and even my journalism reflects that. I find the tone of your comment unbecoming and rather arrogant. In actuality, I am likely 30 years your senior, so please show some respect.
“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” –Proverbs 29:17.
As for these children throwing all their vile anger and verbal threats at me, I am not dismayed and I will remain strong in my faith in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. All that doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. And despite all this spamming on here, our message at Christwire continues to reverberate across America. Do you not worry about the souls of our children?
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
28
10:58 pm
I apologize, I do not intend to come across as arrogant, I simply disagree with your views and offered what I viewed as constructive criticism.
but, whats wrong with my opinions just because I might be 30 years your younger? Age has nothing to do with the quality of an argument. In all seriousness, what respect should I have shown? I never used offensive language or tried to assert “superiority”, I gave what I viewed as rational critiques of your paper. Do you say I lack respect simply because i disagree with you?
look man, If you don’t like what I have to say, don’t take my advice, don’t make a big show about how you don’t need it.
Hot debate. What do you think?
27 
3
2:34 am
hey mr. billings… wanna tie me to the bed with a soft towel?
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
7:42 pm
I don’t believe it would be LEGAL for parents to do that “these days”. :O
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
12:34 am
“Fore I was blind, but now I see”… a masturbator.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
42
1:25 am
…in the mirror.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
8
10:29 am
Woody, I pray that this hostility you feel will subside. I also pray for your soul and tiny, tiny penis.
“Dear Lord, please grant Wodrow the ability to satisfy his wife. My she no longer find comfort in the arms and loins of multiple long shoremen. May his 3 inch erections last longer than his 4 minute sex-act, followed by several hours of crying. May he find mercy in your forgiving touch. For this we pray.”
Amen.
Hot debate. What do you think?
23 
58
8:29 pm
Lol that was actually a really good comeback!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
29 
1
8:05 pm
“Woody, I pray that this hostility you feel will subside. I also pray for your soul and tiny, tiny penis.”
Five star comment. Would read again.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
2
11:56 am
While you may mean very well and have Godly intentions of helping families break free from the bondage of porn (which can have terrible consequences on families, adolescents and even single individuals), your views and comments are a terrible portrayal of the Christian view. Nothing you have said is based in fact, and you have not used biblical views to back up any of your statements.
If you are trying to be a Christian and lead others to Christ, I want to tell you that you are doing exactly the opposite. These types of condemning articles are precisely why people think that Christians are crazy and exclusive.
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1
Condemning those who indulge in sinful behavior (which is all of us, including Christians) does nothing and saves no one. Discouraging the behavior itself, while teaching (out of LOVE for humanity), can encourage a generation to make the right decisions.
Respectfully in Christ,
Amy
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
88 
10
2:57 pm
If you are in Christ Jesus, you’re striving to live a life that’s not riddled with sin. Porn is right up there with the biggest fornication and destruction of God’s temple that is your body, so patently, by accepting that sin over a lifestyle that respects Christ, you’re ensuring your soul a first class ticket to the lowest landing strips of hell.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
84
9:27 pm
Goddamn, I need to get laid…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
76 
2
10:02 pm
Here’s a tip:
Biblical verses DO NOT make good pick-up lines.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
73 
2
10:51 am
Thou shalt go on a date with mine wretched self or be damned to the pits of hell! (Now, if I could only find that blow up doll…)
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
2:49 pm
So I’m assuming you never sinned a day in your life. Never thought a woman was hot, never ate too much at one sitting, never ate pork, never did work on a Sunday, never said oh my God! etc….
If you would bother to read the whole Bible and not just the parts that fit with your weird interpretations, it says that being a Christian isn’t about being free of sin, it’s about recognizing your sin and saying sorry.
Durr!
Praise or Condemn:
19 
4
7:23 am
who are you to assume to position of God and say who and who does not have a one way ticket to hell? You are all retards. I bet God is sad at how many people you are turning away from him with this ridiculous article.
Praise or Condemn:
8 
4
1:56 pm
we were saved by grace, not by the ability to not masurbate.
Praise or Condemn:
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4
2:39 am
So adam you are without sin ?
wanting destroying entire country despicting female wanted to kill animals ( cats for exemple ) hating your neighbour for what they do judging Other people SHould I continue ??
you have more sins than all atheist combined
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
3:08 am
Amy, thank you for taking the time to comment but I disagree wholeheartedly with your discourteous approach to my journalism. I worked hard on this piece and researched it thoroughly. I feel very confident that it is in line with Biblical teaching. The Bible speaks often about masturbation and it is clearly not condoned. If you are here trying to promote that self-centered agenda, you are in the wrong place. It’s also a bad choice to encourage children to do this when you consider the real danger of cancer and infections. I think you should really read your Bible before making these claims. God bless!
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
138
9:12 am
Everyone who believes Stevie is a journalist stand on your head.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
83 
3
1:02 am
Your journalism? This is not journalism. Journalism is unbiased and cites sources. Journalism is not using the words meant to spread love and peace to attack children exploring their body. What you are, sir, is an evil person. You are using centuries old texts to spread lies designed to make others feel bad and oppress the lives of people you have no right to be interfering with.
Masturbation is natural, healthy, and frankly pretty damn enjoyable. If you claim to have never masturbated in your entire life, you are a liar.
By the way, sex is also natural, healthy, and pretty damn enjoyable. Pre-marital sex is happening, will always happen, and there is nothing wrong with it. If you have kids, they did it. Sorry to burst your perfect little bubble.
Being gay is natural, it is not a choice, and it is not evil. It can not be ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’. Looking down upon people that are gay or denying them anything that straight people have is against EVERYTHING Christianity stands for.
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR, even if they’re a horrible person like yourself.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
78 
4
7:26 am
hopefully he doesn’t have kids. If so, they are probably fucked up beyond repair.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
0
7:11 pm
if you worked hard on this, and it is not a joke, then it is the saddest thing I have ever seen. This is a joke right?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
3
9:28 pm
I think you should keep writing this garbage. You make christians look as crazy as they really are. While most of you hide behind normal socially accepted values that you use to validate a crazy belief system, you show just how retarded all of you really are.
Go to Heaven, the real party is in Hell
Praise or Condemn:
25 
1
6:21 pm
I too am shocked that you used the words ‘my journalism’ with regards to this peice;
as I said it’s either satirical fiction or fundamentalist propaganda.
One is genius, the other odious and deceitful.
Which one of those guys lurks in a place like this?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
6:43 am
Ok dude, you said way up the top of the page (May 11, 2010 at 3:08 am) that masturbaton leads to INFECTIONS! and CANCER!
What the fuck dude, if your going to say that you may aswell say that sex leads to it too.
Fuck dude, pulling ya shaft or proding your pipe with ya hand it the same a having intercourse but without all the juices and foreplay.
Fuck man get over yourself, Get off your high horse, download some porn and have your very first wank and tell us all how much you enjoyed it, coz we all know you will.
Now dude this shit has got to stop, you are making me an innocent christen with his own ways look fucking bad, JESUS CHRIST DUDE.
Oh yeah by the way I have Tourette Syndrome, So does good look down on me and say that I’m not going to heaven because I swear, be rude to people and BY GOD MASTERBATE which by the way if you do some research you will see that it is a part of T.S.
BAHAHAHAHA CUNT FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID FUCKING LIFE!!!
Praise or Condemn:
11 
2
1:39 am
I am still trying to figure out how Amy was being discourteous. She was, by far, the NICEST person about stating facts. You actually attacked this sweet Christian girl just for nicely saying, “No, I do not believe what you are saying is true…”
Billings, to you I say:
“Can the blind lead the blind? shall they not both fall into the ditch?” Luke 6:39
“He hath blinded their eyes, and he hardened their heart; Lest they should see with their eyes, and perceive with their heart…” John 12:40
“…that we may be no longer children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, in craftiness, after the wiles of error…” Ephesians 4:14
“Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but such as is good for edifying as the need may be, that it may give grace to them that hear. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, in whom ye were sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and railing, be put away from you, with all malice:
and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:29-32
Can a devil open the eyes of the blind?
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
3:58 am
I seriously hope at this point that this is all a troll. You are seemingly unwilling to converse or come to any kind of compromise with even those who share your distorted view of reality. If there is a god even remotely close to your definition of it, then may Him have mercy on your soul!
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
12:39 pm
One thing I will agree with you on, I am quite sure Matt Damon hasn’t had to masturbate in a long long time, I am sure he is quite content with all the women that are willing to suck and fuck him 24 hours a day.
I do want to say that Masturbation is bad for the environment, I think of all those trees that are cut down everyday to make tissue and toilet paper that end up being flushed down the toilet every day
Billings, you now have my sympathy, I fully understand why your brain works the way it does, for it is quite apparent that you have not shot your load in 30 years.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
65 
2
3:20 pm
@adam nelson
you and the author are complete idiots. masturbation and pornography are not the same thing. People masturbate plenty without it. You’ve done nothing more than make a freudian slip of sorts, revealing only that your own masturbation habits ritually include pornography.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
35 
4
12:24 pm
Well, the scary thing is that the more teens masturbate, the more the porn industry seeks to meet their needs. In essence, teen masturbation financially supports their worst traits and effects (prostitution, disease, sodomy, homosexuality) and parents are partly to blame if they do not enforce a code of self-control. When one masturbates, there are results.
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
99
1:36 pm
so does showing that you a christian. it results in relegious nutjobs like bíllings beliveing they have suport in the masterrace plan of genocide.
porn is an industry. there’s a demand because many find it enjoyable. no body is hurt when it comes to porn. it’s profesionals. sure you’d dislike being in a porn movie. i’d dislike being in a church. but that doesn’t mean every priest in the world is being scared by his job. they most likely enjoy their job. again i have to ask you why should people be denied a pleasure just because it’s not enjoyable for you…and why don’t it go both ways?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
5
1:42 pm
it’s because he’s a virgin jazze
Praise or Condemn:
25 
1
1:54 pm
Pornography truly hurts people. It lowers inhibitions and makes men much more likely to rape. For the poor women involved, many come to porn as prostitutes and leave as crack addicts. Young girls are tricked into the business and ruin any future they may have had as office workers. These women are not just pretty dolls, they are our mothers, our daughters, our sisters and our friends. How sad they must sell their bodies to dirty old men. I cannot fathom that you enjoy this sort of thing.
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
86
10:37 pm
Oh dear mr billings, do you not realize that the people who go into porn LOVE it?
They wouldn’t do what they do without consent, and before every shoot many have to prove identification and state that they are willing and consenting to do THEIR JOB.
I’ve known several ex-porn stars who are happy and not “crack addicts” they have good families and are healthy normal people.
You are NOT a journalist. You are a retarded inbred christian who takes every word the bible spouts out literally and then spits venomous lies to those who are too dumb to understand that the bible is a piece of shit and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Christianity was young and considered a nuisance like scientology today when the Romans were ruling. I think they had it right when they slaughtered the christians back then, then I wouldn’t have to listen to nutjobs like you who despite SO MUCH EVIDENCE can’t look past your own nose to see that we live in 2010 and there are no witch burnings, there are no heathens. We have the freedom to do and say what we want and so many people choose not to take any religion as their own, which is a trend I hope continues because without it there are just that many conflicts in the world resolved and gone.
Religion is for the weak. You are retarded.
Touch your dick for once in your measly life.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
45 
6
1:28 am
So its solely men’s fault for porn, women were just tricked into it because of their small inferior brains… I get it now.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
40 
3
8:26 am
My husband and I love porn. And all this talk about masterbating, I think I may go do that now. And let my husband watch.
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4 
0
4:31 pm
well i forgot to mention that billings is after all a 50 year old virgin so it proves how sad he actually is and it shows he tries to hit on claire all the fucking time but on top of that he’s the biggest hypocrite i have ever seen on his facebook page it show’s that he watches all the things he hates and on top of that he is a fan of them so WTF?? billings your a bigot and a hypocrite at the end of the day.
Saying this as a joke claire so don’t take it seriously but i will take it seriously to bullshit billings I probably have more chance of getting laid with Claire than you even though i have never met her in my life
nothing personal claire don’t take it seriously I’m only supporting you 
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
27 
2
4:43 pm
dude a diseased goat have a better chance with any girl than billigs do… saying you have a better chance than billings with claire can’t posibly be insulting to her.
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24 
1
5:24 pm
well it was stupid to say but i was only trying to prove a point really
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17 
2
7:21 pm
Everyone realizes this is a satirical website, right?
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19 
6
10:47 am
Uh, I dunno. These nut jobs seem pretty legit lol
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:16 pm
Uh-oh….LOOKS LIKE I’M GONNA GET CANCER!
what if i’m a GIRL who masturbates..?!?!?!
It helps me get through stressful days, and it’s just fucking fun!
Am I going to hell because I touch myself and I’m a g…g…gi..GIRL?!?!?!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
33 
1
2:48 am
It’s a valid question and I may save the answer for a future article.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
55
8:39 am
In the fundamentalist Christian world, girls don’t matter. They are apparently only, at their best, sniffing their teenaged sons’ sheets, or perhaps an “office worker.”
As for me and my Christian self, I’d better spend my time in prayer for my children, then spending it smelling my child’s sheets — especially when one realizes that boys will have perfectly normal nocturnal emissions that are not masturbatory in origin. Since this happens in their sleep, does this mean that God made a mistake when he put their developing plumbing together? I think not. And does the fact that 99%+ teenaged boys masturbate mean that they are all going to become rapists? Again, I think not. Your science is flawed, sir.
This entire article is a living, breathing example of the non-evolution of mankind.
Praise or Condemn:
10 
0
10:08 am
Tear it up August. You were made a certain way for a reason.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
11:31 pm
this is the funniest thing i have ever seen
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
0
1:56 am
This is very valuable information, i always thought the pungent smell from my son’s mattress was from the previous Guatemalan owners. However I now know it is the sinful stain of semen!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
3
12:25 pm
That doesn’t make any sense. Why would you buy a mattress in Guatamala?
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
54
8:42 pm
Because they live there. The internet exists around the world, not just in America. I’ve gotten on facebook in England, if you need an example.
Praise or Condemn:
26 
2
8:42 am
Because Guatemalans can live wherever they want, so long as they are from Guatemala originally. (This is the part which makes them Guatemalan.)
Praise or Condemn:
14 
1
1:37 pm
Wow, I’ve been trolling for less than a year on this site and I already have an imitator. *insert SSB ‘new record’ announcement here*
Praise or Condemn:
3 
1
10:10 am
Yes, my son was of a darker complexion lol
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
1:04 am
“One trick passed on to me is that you can press your nose to a young man’s mattress, inhale deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announce, “That smells like semen.””
Not only is that absolutely disgusting, but it’s a total invasion of privacy.
Fuckin’ lol’d… you guys seriously need to do some research. Everything you say are total lies… oh, and guess what. I’M BISEXUAL.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
26 
1
2:47 am
A mother has a responsibility to her child. When you’re an adult you’ll understand.
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
62
2:58 am
lolwut? did you even read his comment?
Praise or Condemn:
12 
6
3:12 am
Are you daft? I am saying that it is the responsibility of every mother to monitor the activities of her children, particularly her boys. Moms should guide their boys into adulthood with with information about sexuality as Biblically defined. Obviously public schools teach much premature and try to make children sexually active giving out free condoms, normalizing homosexuality, anal sex, etc. If we teach our children about waiting until marriage to engage in physical contact according to God’s laws, we really have nothing to fear.
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
60
3:19 am
No, I’m not “daft”. And the Bible? What a load. It’s as real as Harry Potter.
Look dude, I like the idea of no sex until your ready. But when the teens are ready, they have the right to do that.
I really don’t want to argue with someone with the IQ of a McDonald’s cheeseburger.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
31 
6
2:50 pm
“I am saying that it is the responsibility of every mother to monitor the activities of her children, particularly her boys.”
It makes absolutely NO sense for mothers to be the primary “monitors” of their SONS’ activities. Where are the FATHERS in this picture? Shouldn’t FATHERS be the primary “monitors” of the activities of the MALE children?
“Obviously public schools teach much premature and try to make children sexually active giving out free condoms, normalizing homosexuality, anal sex, etc.”
Do you realize how asinine that sounds? Public schools are not encouraging kids to have sex. Public schools ACCEPT the fact that teens are going to have sex, and that many times, NOTHING can stop said teens from doing the deed, so they provide them with protection and information on how to have SAFE sex. Trust me, I’ve told my friends time and again just how stupid and risky it is to have sex at their age, but many of them go ahead and do it anyway. At least educate them on how to be safe and hopefully SOME of them will heed the information. Oh, and homosexuality is perfectly normal.
“If we teach our children about waiting until marriage to engage in physical contact according to God’s laws, we really have nothing to fear.”
That’s just what my dad’s Texan friend taught his two daughters, and it’s also what they were taught in school, and both of them wound up unwed mothers, one of them at only age 16, so…
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
41 
2
3:29 pm
Masturbation is not only normal, but it’s healthy. It starts from the time we’re infants. It helps to have a healthy body image and also helps to learn normal body functions and be able to realize if something is not normal, i.e. a lump in a breast, testicle, or labia. As parents people should be understanding of a teenagers needs and not penalize or “make weird” any normal habits that will continue throughout adulthood. No adolescent should be alienated for exploring a new time in their life and learning how their body will now work. Understanding masturbation is a completely healthy response to raging hormones actually lessens the chance a person will rape someone. If rape and masturbation are both sins, as equal as oh say, killing someone or violating a small child, then what difference in their mind is there? In my humble opinion religions and their doctrine should be used to uplift and rejoice in people and their actions, not to repress and alienate people who are being safe (not having unprotected sex and still experiencing a feeling similar) with their (God’s) temple. I think our God could be appalled at the content of this article.
Praise or Condemn:
18 
2
6:22 pm
“That smells like semen.” If the boy’s face turns red and he runs from the room, the evidence is clear.
Christfag has failed, atheisfag has won I declare aybabtu, now you must listen to my aybabtu chant: lolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtulolaybabtu
Praise or Condemn:
13 
4
11:57 pm
I’m wondering if my awesome trolling made the site crash earlier. That’s right, shake the silliness to the core! Rock it!
Randomness….
Praise or Condemn:
3 
0
4:04 am
you have a right to privacy from even your parents. if they do this you can get social services to deem them unqualified to have children…just saying.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
3
12:31 pm
You parents pay for your doctor’s visits. Your mom not only buys your clothes, she cleans them. She cooks your food, drives you to school. You father pays for the roof over your head, that front lawn of yours, your rooms full of toys, the family television. I think it’s evident your parents have every right to be involved with your lives. They have a responsibility to care for you in the best way possible. If you are show up to the emergency room with scars and shoeprints on your head, your parents will be investigated.
I would go further and say since your parents are paying and providing for everything in your lives, YOU OWE THEM! You owe it to them to be good children, to work hard in school, to excel at sports and to keep yourself clean and decent.
You people all seem to imagine you live free of any responsibilities but you are actually living in loving families and there are obligations.
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
61
1:28 pm
you are right in more or less all you say there. 2 mistakes.
one execling at sports is not something anyone can demand. at best that i excel at something.
second whille they do have to watch over me they have no right to be part of my sex life. do you call mom every time you’re going to bed with that diseased goat we have concluded is your best bet?
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23 
3
2:14 pm
“You parents pay for your doctor’s visits. Your mom not only buys your clothes, she cleans them. She cooks your food, drives you to school. You father pays for the roof over your head, that front lawn of yours, your rooms full of toys, the family television.”
You dumb queef. When I visit the doctor, my insurance covers it. I buy my own clothes, I clean my own clothes, I cook my own food. I drive myself to school. My father doesn’t pay jack shit- he’s in a different state. I mow that lawn. Fuck toys. I paid for my computer and everything that goes in it.
“I think it’s evident your parents have every right to be involved with your lives. They have a responsibility to care for you in the best way possible. If you are show up to the emergency room with scars and shoeprints on your head, your parents will be investigated.”
Yes, they will. They’d believe me if I said they did it. But if they didn’t do it, then why lie?
“I would go further and say since your parents are paying and providing for everything in your lives, YOU OWE THEM! You owe it to them to be good children, to work hard in school, to excel at sports and to keep yourself clean and decent.”
Fuck sports. I excel at masturbating.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
39 
3
5:37 pm
“Your mom not only buys your clothes, she cleans them. She cooks your food, drives you to school. You father pays for the roof over your head, that front lawn of yours, your rooms full of toys, the family television.”
This is the 21st Century. Mothers roles are no longer limited to buying and washing clothes, douchebag.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
48 
3
6:48 pm
‘excel at sports ‘
Ha ha ha ha… American imprint on your children MUCH?
Tell me Mr B… have you heard of ‘sweeping generalisations?’
You seem to specialise in them.
Rest assured, the naive and uneducated thrive on them.
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11 
2
10:41 am
What about those of us that come from single parent homes where that single parent was absent as well? What about those of us who have had to fend for ourselves since the age of 12, coming from having the “state” as a parent? What about us, huh? You are an over-generalizing religious fanatic, sir. You think your way is the only way and to come to the conclusions which you have, you’ve taken a book we all know as the bible and contorted it to fit your psychotic over-bearing beliefs so that you can live a convenient, guilt free existence. Either that or you are such a heathenish “masturbator” yourself, for lack of a better term, you find it necessary to condemn the world, just like the delusional, misguided folks down at Westboro Baptist Church, to make your “overwhelming sin” seem more bearable. Kind of like a “take the spotlight off of me” type of deal. Check yourself; First of all, Jesus Christ HIMSELF hung out with the harlots and the heathens. WHY? Because they knew of reality. They knew loss and heartache and treachery and all of these horrible things and he wanted NOTHING MORE than to make a way for THEM. NOT the Pharisees like YOU! He had you on the “Hell” list before he laid eyes on you. Why? Because some people just never change. They CAN, but they choose not to. He NEVER said, YOU HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!! He said to be CHRIST LIKE! Not CHRIST for Pete’s sake! You take this extremist movement to a whole new level and it sickens me. I masturbate. Every fucking day. AND GUESS WHAT! I’M OK WITH THAT FACT! If Abba has a problem with it, he will judge me when my time comes. But for now, all I have is this life and for the sake of God himself, I am going to live it to it’s fullest. And spankin the monkey is a part of that according to the terms and conditions of me! And YOU sir, have no right to tell me I am going to burn for being a sinner. I am a sinner. Proud of it too. That’s what makes me HUMAN. I would be so filled with hope if you could find it in yourself to confess your last sin. However, I don’t think you have the cahones to do such a thing. WHY DO I THINK THIS? Because you are so filled with pride as well as spite [for whatever reason] that you just don’t have any YOU left in there. It has been robbed, and that is sad. The next time you have a breakdown and fall back to earth with the rest of us human beings, you find a way to let me know. Perhaps on this thread. And I will be glad to discuss reality and it’s intentions with you. Until then, remember that clouds are nothing but figments of space and moisture. Your gonna get cold and wet and it’s gonna hurt like a SON OF A BITCH when you finally fall back to the ground. Don’t worry, us realists will be here to pick your sorry ass up. Float on brother. Don’t look down any shirts while you’re up there.
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:40 pm
“A mother has a responsibility to her child. When you’re an adult you’ll understand.”
Perhaps when it comes to MALE teenagers and the issues of masturbation and sexuality, the FATHER (you know, the parent with the penis, testicles, and other MALE reproductive organs) should deal with them.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
4
1:27 am
Ooh billings… this article… you’ve aroused me… I can’t help it… I must… be your bad little child… you like that don’t you… yeah, of course you do… ooh… feels so good, billings… oooooooh….
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
44 
3
3:27 am
What seems not to have been mentioned here is addiction to masturbation. Any form of addiction leads to problems, and masturbation can be highly addictive. This can then cause problems in relationships where for example a guy prefers the easy hit of masturbation to making love to his wife or partner. It causes avoidance, a secret life, denial and shame if and when it comes to light. As a parent, I am under no illusion that my three sons masturbate regularly; what I am afraid of, though, is that they might become addicts, like their father. I was an addict for years, and it robbed me of my peace and my wife of the sort of trusting closeness that I wanted us to have. It is sorted now, but only after a lot of heartache and working through it together. I am neutral on masturbation, as I think the Bible is, and I certainly won’t be lecturing my boys on the subject. I will love and support them un conditionally whatever they do. But being controlled by it, needing to do it furtively three times a day just to get through, to cope, was not a recipe for happiness in my case. It is the addiction that is the issue. It can be a slippery slope, but if not, then fine. Just my opinion everyone. Peace to you all.
Praise or Condemn:
17 
3
11:33 am
Addiction or excess of anything is wrong but when it comes to chaffing your organs it’s much worse. Wasting seed is a sin in the eyes of Jesus and it leads to physical immorality. It familiarizes children with sex and their bodies as toys of erotic pleasure. Nothing moral about that!
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
37
11:42 am
“Addiction or excess of anything is wrong”
Yes, like overeating.
“but when it comes to chaffing your organs it’s much worse.”
Not if you’re gentle about it.
“Wasting seed is a sin in the eyes of Jesus and it leads to physical immorality. It familiarizes children with sex and their bodies as toys of erotic pleasure. Nothing moral about that!”
Would you rather teenagers have sex instead???
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
28 
2
12:24 pm
“Wasting seed is a sin in the eyes of Jesus and it leads to physical immorality”
Actually, you’re not “wasting” anything, since your body makes new semen constantly. And there is an Australian study that actually proves that regular masturbation increases fertility.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
1
8:46 am
Does wasting seed include birth control? If so, WOW. Just WOW. Besides which, many of the edicts in Leviticus were done away with when Jesus died on the cross — Jesus’ teachings taught us that we don’t have to go and sacrifice animals in order to absolve our sins, so what parts of Leviticus and the Old Testament are we picking and choosing to use to our own twisted thinking? I’m not saying that the Old Testamant is irrevelant, but I am saying that parts of it are, and Jesus taught that. Not sure his standing on birth control though.
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3 
0
8:55 pm
Stephenson Billings says:
May 12, 2010 at 11:33 am
“Addiction or excess of anything is wrong”
So your obsession/ addiction/ excess of insanity and support for your ‘book’ and ‘unproovable higher power’ by you own statement is WRONG!!!!
Try to back yourself out of you own words…
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1 
1
6:48 am
My personal feelings on this (and I have been born again since the 1970′s):
My mother in her wisdom preferred me masturbating privately at home instead of going out experimenting with girls. My only sexual partner has been my wife of 37 years.
The Bible as I understand it, does not forbid masturbation as it does adultery, fornication, etc.
It is unrealistic to try to keep boys from release of sexual tension, because otherwise it will cause them to gravitate to other outlets that bring more danger.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
35 
2
12:28 pm
After reading a number of your articles I have decided that you are too stupid and single minded too deserve any more of my attention. The points you bring up in many of your articles are just completely ridiculous and idiotic. People like you seriously make me lose faith in the progression of the human race. You are the reason why the world is not a more accepting place. I would have hoped that someone who claims to be such a devout Christian would use their religion for good but instead you just use it to alienate others and attempt to drive ridiculous fears and ideas into the minds of your readers. Your writings are a disgrace to humanity.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
37 
0
12:35 pm
Katie, I under you want to disagree and when you’re young, it’s fun to rebel. I just hope you keep faith and Jesus Christ in mind as you go through the trails of life. He truly love You! Some day when you’re in need, think about praying to Him. Jesus can truly help you out of any situation and the community of Christians in America is the most wonderful, caring, intelligent group you will ever encounter and guess what? They want to embrace You!
Hot debate. What do you think?
7 
49
1:24 pm
yeah saying there should be room for everyone sure is rebeling right? all hail the master race!! SEIG HEIL!!!!
Praise or Condemn:
15 
4
1:51 pm
I find all this Nazi-bashing just inappopriate.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
53
2:17 pm
Billings, you want to protect the poor Nazis from nasty old Jazze? Think carefully before you use slang, or you’ll end up looking more stupid than you do already.
—BobTheChairGuy
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
30 
2
2:19 pm
Let’s make it apparent that I don’t believe in God. Or Jesus Christ for that matter. Or anything Christian. I’m a Wiccan. :3
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
2:39 pm
It’s just so easy to condemn the Nazis but what do you people know about history? The Germans were being threatened by Soviet totalitarianism on one side, French liberalism on the other. They were a Christian and Nationalist nation. They believed in the goodness of their own people. There is a lot to admire in their nobility.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
62
3:14 pm
No..they didn’t stick up for all their people, they betrayed Russia, killed millions of Jews, Polish, French, German, they stomped over Europe with some pockets of France fighting back whilst we British support the French resistance, fight in Africa, and bomb German cities, along with this the Germans eventually didn’t bomb strategic targets but rather bombed civilian districts and murdered harmless soldiers.
But because the bastards cared for those who where the ‘master-race’ they where good people? Hang yourself.
Praise or Condemn:
26 
3
3:18 pm
“I find all this Nazi-bashing just inappopriate.”
I find Nazi-bashing to be quite appropriate, considering how, you know, they killed millions of innocent people…
My grandfather fought in WWII; he even had a dagger with a swastika on it that he swiped from a Nazi that he killed, and he was a devout Southern Baptist.
WWII was the last war that American was justified in entering, because the Nazis were pure evil and Hitler was a maniac and a threat to the entire planet.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
34 
3
11:28 pm
Oh. My. GOD. I read your article, and it gave a me a few laughs to think that there are humans with so small a grasp on the world as you. Scrolling down, I noticed two of your comments. In one you say there is too much Nazi-bashing going on. In the other you called them a Christian nation. I am forced to pose the question: do you possess a brain? “THOU SHALT NOT KILL.” Is that hard to understand?? The Nazis, as a state, systematically killed over 6 million civilians. That’s Christian?! If so, then you have convinced me to get as far as possible from Christianity for the safety of myself, my family, my friends, this country, and the world at large. Please rethink your view of the world before you let any other hate-filled phrase drip from your mouth. As a Pole who has heard many horror stories concerning their atrocities, from mountains of discarded glasses and shoes of the dead to the literal hills surrounding Auschwitz formed from the ashes of the dead…..I am floored by your complete lack of concern for fellow humans. I typically dislike religious extremists, but from your posts, it is apparent that your flaws run much deeper. Like I said, thank you from scaring myself away from Christianity. Thank you.
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
11:37 am
Allright people, let’s not over react and take things out of context. This is a polite discussion, no need to attack me for my heartfelt political views of history. Just because you’re blind to the truth and insulting your own race, doesn’t mean I can’t help you learn.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
48
2:54 pm
nazis are not a race you dumb fuck.
i have every right to bad mouth a group of people who belive that they have the right to kill everyone who is not the way they want them to be…. you really are a nazi now that i think about it.
Praise or Condemn:
16 
5
4:47 am
Nazi bashing ‘not appropriate’? Your ‘political views’? We are ‘blind to the truth’? A bit insulting to maintain that we have no idea about history and the real rise of the National Socialist Party in Germany? We are educated to some level or other. We may not believe YOUR ‘truth’. Going by your inaccurate and unverified ‘facts’, your ‘truth’ has no semblance to the anyone else’s truth other than a small group of deluded morons. Technically I am a ‘christian’ with a small ‘c’, but in truth it is people like yourself that have turned me away from the christian church and made me question the teachings and validity of christianity. If that is what you set out to do with this farce of a website, well done. I’m sure that many start reading the tripe you post as your views of correct christian living and turn away, never to return. In fact, this has the very effect that the devil is seeking. You are doing the devil’s work! And doing it very well indeed. I’m sure you and all your Christian friends will rejoice in that thought.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
2
9:56 pm
Did he just said He loved nazism ( National socialist aprty )
oh and russia was not Totalitarian just letting you know
and France liberalism at least are not fascism
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
8:21 pm
you know you keep calling people young, and im starting to wounder what you mean by that. you called katie young, chico young. how i might ask do you know some of these peole arnt older then you? if they dont outright say their age or their married and have kids thier young? is that it? geuss my age. go on i dare you. billings i would like to see you give a factual inteligent reply to every inteligent fact based comment on here. but your replying patern doesnt seem consistant. let thee who is without sin cased the first stone.It is not a sin to know about god given body parts, to think otherwise wouldnt make any sence. Because do we not want to observe all god has created and appreciate. shame is man made sir, any therapist will tell you that. i am one. have you read the bible cover to cover? have you never sined sir? DO NOT post fauls facts. it makes you look weak. are you weak sir? i hope god opens your eyes and not a bible. that you feel the touch of god and his will and not what people with biases thousands of years ago wrote and edited to fit their perseptions
Praise or Condemn:
1 
0
2:14 pm
Katie,
It’s more likely than not that the human race will shortly leave the fundies behind us as science and technology make more and more discoveries. I mean look at this site, even. Billings and his lot are outnumbered at least 200 to one and counting, and that’s on their own website.
—BobTheChairGuy
Praise or Condemn:
20 
3
2:51 pm
Katie, I applaud your comment. I couldn’t have said it any better myself. I just wrote a comment but I still hadn’t seen yours but you totally summed up my thoughts.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
2
2:10 pm
Immediately after reading this I masturbated…and i enjoyed it. reading this got me so upset that i think i will masturbate again right now.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
3
2:46 pm
There’s no way that a logical human being can believe this. It has to be a front of some sort because it is absurd to think that something so normal and healthy can be spoken about in such a way. Teaching other’s to stereotype by looking at appearances of other’s is not only unchristian but immoral and just plain wrong! This hatred and finger pointing has gone way to far.
If anything RELIGION is the number one cause of death SINCE THE EXISTENCE OF THE HUMAN RACE and this is not one of the made up stats that you put into this article. How about for just one day you stop telling other people how to live their lives and worry about your owns and actually HELPING people.
I leave you with a big FUCK YOU for putting this nonsense into people’s heads.
Hot debate. What do you think?
28 
4
5:33 pm
Another liberal with his hot bag of conspiracy theories. Save it for your local PTA meeting fella.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
56
1:01 am
Hurm. Conspiracy theories, you say. Let’s list off some of these conspiracies: the Crusades, the Inquisition, pogroms. So you’re saying religion hasn’t contributed anything to war? Interesting; you’re kinda starting to sound like a conspiracy theorist there yourself, Stephen. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
4
3:00 pm
BILLINGS IS A NAZI-SUPPORTER!
I bet you just loved the way they killed off everyone different, less than the blue-eyed blonde-haired ideal. Is Hitler your role-model? He too thought that gay people were disgusting, in fact he tried to massacre them. Do you dream of that, you nasty little bastard? Do you think of the screams of your opponents as they suffocate in the gas chambers? Dream of making your country great again? I thought you were an idiot, but this is a whole new side, Stevie. Hitler was an atheist, he used religion to keep the people down as is still done in many countries around the world today.
Praise or Condemn:
24 
3
3:16 pm
“It’s just so easy to condemn the Nazis but what do you people know about history? The Germans were being threatened by Soviet totalitarianism on one side, French liberalism on the other. They were a Christian and Nationalist nation. They believed in the goodness of their own people. There is a lot to admire in their nobility.”
Wow, that totally justifies genocide against those who followed a faith that… *gasp*… CHRISTIANITY IS DERIVED FROM.
My brother, it is not those who pleasure themselves that are going blind. It is you.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
28 
1
5:36 pm
We don’t need your nonsense hate speech here, friend. And what does this have to do with the Jews? We’re talking about masturbation.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
41
6:29 pm
MY hate speech? Believe it or not, brother, you are the one who said that word for word.
Or are you so blind that you would forget what you say?
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
6:39 pm
I Am So SIck Of You Little Imbecile Shouting Me Down!!!!!!!!
I was commenting on your stupid reaction to my comment. Do you even have a brain or have you been smoking too much pot or going to public school? You don’t understand the basic concepts of journalism or faith so save your childish antics to your ghetto abandoned lots, you little pervert.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
51
6:47 pm
Whoa, easy there, big fella.
Save some energy for your harem of small boys.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
36 
3
1:57 am
that is the consequences of saying stupid shit on the internet. if you are not willing to take the consequnces then fucking don’t say stupid shit on the internet.
you bring it on yourself. seriously you are wandering into enemy teritory here(yes your own site is populated mainly by non-belivers mainly because it’s on the fucking internet) and it is there for comparabel to the man who walks in to a church and dtsart cursing at god on a sunday. would you take it? or would you be offened when this man talks about how evil you are when you ask him to leave because he is so intolerant.
you are wrong. we are simply proveing that to you. this is not a personal attack(that often) but because you make it to be one it further proves that the isue at hand is quite close to you personally.
you are digging your own grave…. and right about now nobody can get you out even if they wanted to
Praise or Condemn:
17 
3
12:44 pm
Tantrum much?
Praise or Condemn:
10 
2
4:57 am
“We don’t need your nonsense hate speech here, friend”. Oh, I see the agenda here. We don’t want any ‘nonsense hate speech’ other than YOUR ‘nonsense hate speech’, even if that ‘nonsense hate speech’ is pointing out that YOUR ‘nonsense hate speech’ is bias, inaccurate, unfounded rubbish. I can see that your acceptance of the Nazi ways goes further than just political and ideological, you have the same values in public information distribution as well.
Praise or Condemn:
12 
2
10:57 am
you’re an idiot.
you’re getting angry at people’s
responses to what you have said.
you are clearly not a christian,
but a child fucking, moronic dictator.
i’m sure hitler’s smiling in his grave
at the stupid pointless things you have said.
PEACE OUT MOTHERFUKAAAAA
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
3:23 pm
“It’s just so easy to condemn the Nazis but what do you people know about history? The Germans were being threatened by Soviet totalitarianism on one side, French liberalism on the other. They were a Christian and Nationalist nation.”
You’re serious? You’re ACTUALLY trying to justify the actions of the Nazis? You’re even more fucked up than I thought.
“They believed in the goodness of their own people.”
No, they believed in the extreme superiority of their people, which proved to be a dangerous thing.
“There is a lot to admire in their nobility.”
And a lot to fear in it, as they proved to us.
Hot debate. What do you think?
27 
3
5:34 pm
This is true Claire, but totally off topic! This article is a discussion for parents dealing with troubled teens, not a giant history lesson. Let’s stay on topic, people!
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
38
5:41 pm
“This is true Claire, but totally off topic! This article is a discussion for parents dealing with troubled teens, not a giant history lesson. Let’s stay on topic, people!”
You’re the one who started defending the Nazis, dumbass. When someone begins doing something as asinine as justifying the actions of the Nazis, it’s gonna throw the entire conversation off track.
Oh, and just because a teen does something totally natural, like masturbate, he/she is not “troubled”. What’s troubling is that you think parents have the right to smell their son’s bedsheets (ewwww!) for semen.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
32 
3
5:48 pm
Claire, don’t be naive. Troubled teens masturbate. You know it. I know it. Don’t deflect the issue at hand.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
44
5:53 pm
ALL teens masturbate, and those who don’t at least WANT to. It’s you who’s being naive.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
39 
6
4:21 pm
This has to be the biggest load of crap i’ve ever read on the internet! Let the brainwashing continue! WOOHOO
Praise or Condemn:
23 
2
5:31 pm
Christwire, articles like this are the reason so many people are turned off to Christianity. as a Christian myself, I’m ashamed to be associated with you and your ridiculous piety. I hope God forgives you.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
27 
2
5:54 pm
GOOD THING MY PARENTS CUT MY FORESKIN OFF SO I CAN’T MASTURBATE. PRAYSE JAYSUS.
Fucking retards.
Praise or Condemn:
23 
3
9:27 pm
I’m circumcised. It doesn’t stop me
Praise or Condemn:
1 
1
6:02 pm
I guarantee that Billing’s mum had a fiddle now and then. She clearly enjoyed getting railed by a mentally defective simpleton to have this social retard slide out of her musty cave.
Hot debate. What do you think?
28 
5
6:42 pm
DONT YOU DARE INSULT MY MOTHER THAT IS WRONG AND DISGUSTING SHE IS A GOOD WOMAN WHO IS ONLY HUMAN AND MIGHT HAVE HUMAN PROBLEMS BUT SHE IS FAR BETTER THAN YOU LITTLE INTERNET SCUMBAGS HERE DESTROYING WHAT IS A ARTICLE ONLY MEANT FOR PARENTS.
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
53
6:52 pm
“DONT YOU DARE INSULT MY MOTHER THAT IS WRONG AND DISGUSTING SHE IS A GOOD WOMAN WHO IS ONLY HUMAN AND MIGHT HAVE HUMAN PROBLEMS BUT SHE IS FAR BETTER THAN YOU LITTLE INTERNET SCUMBAGS HERE DESTROYING WHAT IS A ARTICLE ONLY MEANT FOR PARENTS.”
Uh-oh, it must be a full moon.
Billings, if you were a real journalist, you wouldn’t fly off the handle and write run-on sentences in all caps with no commas.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
46 
3
1:43 am
asee billings that’s the thing about the internet. you may have a targte audience. but no way in hell are you ever gonna be able to enforce it. if you were a journalist you’d knew. same goes for the fact that anyone slightly profesional knows that personal insults merely shows a lack of ability to discuss the subject in most cases. and seeing you inability to cope with people doing it to you despite you doing it all the time both proves you are not a yournalist you are not even a profesional blogger you are a hypocrit and you are not foloowing the teaching of christ(do unto others what you’d want them to do unto you IS a christian thing right?)
Praise or Condemn:
12 
3
12:50 pm
“…a article only meant for parents.” For a “journalist” (and I use the term loosely). In cases where an article (in this case ‘a’ or ‘an’) preceedes a word that begins with a vowel (a, e, i, o, u) the article to use is “an” and not “a”. The correct grammar for the end of this sentence should be “AN article meant only for parents.”
You suck, Stevie. How dare you call yourself a journalist. Hack is a more apt term.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
2
11:10 am
FONZIE
BE WITH YOU
Praise or Condemn:
2 
3
9:38 pm
I REGRET TO HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR MOTHER IS NOT A VIRGIN AND THERE IE A GOOD CHANCE THAT YOUR FATHER IS A MOTHER FUCKER (I CAN’T BE SURE OF THE LAST PART OR IF HE EVEN WAS YOUR FATHER)
Praise or Condemn:
5 
1
6:15 pm
This article is total HOTNESS… Definitely made me laugh!! By the way, the author sounds like he masturbates on the regular. I know because of the way he types.. he pounds on the keyboard and this article has a distinct “pungent bleach-like odor” to it LOL
god bless the net!
Praise or Condemn:
21 
3
6:26 pm
It took me a minute to realize this post was not a joke. I find what you say to be quite masturbatory actually. This post is rather self-stimulating for you isn’t it? You may not masturbate physically, you just do it with your website. Just how did YOU develop such fine skills to be able to spot a masturbator anyway? How do you know that Matt Damon doesn’t masturbate? It’s just kind of creepy that you would devote an entire post to the subject of young boys masturbating. Creepy…
Praise or Condemn:
17 
2
6:43 pm
Save your liberal horse dung for the farmhands you little freak. Do you even have the slighest clue what faith is? Have you been Saved? Why must you go around being a radical? People like you are disgusting and a pox upon on their own race.
Hot debate. What do you think?
3 
55
1:51 am
Billings: “Save your liberal horse dung for the farmhands you little freak. Do you even have the slighest clue what faith is? Have you been Saved? Why must you go around being a radical? People like you are disgusting and a pox upon on their own race.”
Billings: “Dear Nick, you are an imbecile. Your crude attempt to cut up my journalism fails at every level. You are a liberal weak-kneed scumbag….”
hm, real “christian” of you. calling people freaks, disgusting, scumbags, imbecile.. and then belittling them. billings, you know you’ve masturbated before and probably A LOT, and you enjoyed it too. don’t try and deny it. you’re not “holier than though,” whatsoever. you haven’t convinced me at all. and i’m pretty sure you haven’t convinced anyone else.. especially in the way you speak to people on here. you can’t pick and choose what you’re going to follow in the bible. your article here isn’t doing much. and you’ve failed pretty miserably at defending yourself.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
1
5:13 pm
OMG this is the FUNNIEST thing i have ever read. I love masturbating haha and i certainly don’t look like that guido wash-up Snookie. It gives me energy and practicing orgasm makes me even better in bed with my boyfriend. You should try getting laid Stephenson, it’s really fun and might lighten you up a little. It’s people like you with such pent-up sexual tension and hatred that do awful things to this country. Us, the youth not corrupted by close-minded bigots like you, are the only hope for our nation. People like you Stephenson are the reason why people in other countries hate America.
P.S. Pookie’s orange from tanning beds you idiot, not oversized dildos.
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
6:57 pm
LOL Is this site for real? Or is this supposed to be a parody?
I would love to see the credentials of “Dr. Louisa Phillips, DHg”. A quick google search, surprise, turns up nothing.
They sure as hell nailed Russel Brand though, didn’t they? That guy probably jerks off 20 times a day.
Matt Damon, however…my brother went to school with him. Apparently he jerks off constantly, and so much so that it’s even an open joke amongst his friends. In fact, he tries to set “new personal records” for himself on how many times he can nut in a day.
That was 20 years ago of course, I’m sure he’s just like the rest of us now in his old age, and only rubs one out twice a day.
Praise or Condemn:
21 
4
7:42 pm
Listen folks, that is a complete lie written by someone who dislikes Matt Damon. I know for a fact that he is a good man so stop the character assassination. I find your childish antics really unbecoming.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
50
5:04 am
You want him don’t you? Your over zealous defence of his ‘honour’ has ‘gay christian desire’ written all over it. Go on, put the repression to one side and step out of the closet. You’ll feel so much better for it.
Praise or Condemn:
17 
1
7:04 pm
Hey guys,
I masturbate all the time. I also love guys. Hung guys. Write to me at Stephenson@Christwire.org
Also, I’m one handed typing this as I furiously fap to some porn.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
48 
2
7:07 pm
Someday, I’m going to sniff my son’s bed and exclaim, “THIS SMELLS LIKE SEMEN!”
Then, I’m going to take a picture of the face he makes and frame it.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
1
7:13 pm
I apologise if this has already been stated in the comments but I got bored of reading the comments halfway through. Regardless of the other gross falacies in this article, I find it important to correct the statement that masturbation can lead to prostate cancer and yeast infections in women. Being a medical proffesional myself, I can assure that masturbation does not cause prostate cancer (in fact regular ejaculation is beneficial to the prostate and has been shown to reduce the incidence of prostate cancer). Yeast infections in women, due to masturbation, is also at best very unlikely, as yeast infections are usually due to pH imbalance.
Praise or Condemn:
19 
3
7:44 pm
Not only is masturbation a major sin in the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christ, this article is quite clear that it is deadly for teens:
http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2009-01/drop-sock-masturbation-may-cause-cancer
Hot debate. What do you think?
6 
38
8:06 pm
Hah, too bad for the boys then!
But seriously, that article indicates that there MIGHT be a link.
Praise or Condemn:
15 
2
8:15 pm
Please don’t use this space to get girls to masturbate.
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
34
8:17 pm
Too late!
*fap* *fap* *fap*
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
37 
1
8:24 pm
ATTENTION GIRLS: want sexual pleasure without risking pregnancy or STDs? Masturbate!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
48 
2
9:33 pm
You were the one jumping to that conclusion, you dirty, dirty man.
Praise or Condemn:
0 
0
1:50 pm
r article says in the second or third paragraph and I quote:
“But doctors disagree over the link between sexual activity and prostate cancer.
While a 2002 paper in the journal Epidemiology backs the BJU study, a 2004 study
in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) and a 2003 paper from
the Australian Cancer Council Victoria claim that frequent masturbation and
intercourse actually decreases the risk of prostate cancer. “
Praise or Condemn:
6 
1
7:30 pm
Also, just noticed the author defends the NAZI movement above, defending them as a christian. Hate to break it to you, the NAZI movement was decidedly anti-christian.
Praise or Condemn:
7 
8
10:24 pm
Hitler was not anti-Christian, he was anti-Semite. He was born Roman Catholic and got most of anti-Sematic views from the Catholic faith (Because Catholics tend to have a bit of a historical gripe with Jews).
Here is a direct quote from Mein Kampf:
“My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter.”
Now after reading that tell me that Hitler was anti-Christian, I dare you to.
Praise or Condemn:
13 
0
7:46 pm
You have allllll touched yourself. even as a baby. you may not remember, But babys do it too.
Praise or Condemn:
14 
5
7:47 pm
pedophile.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
58
8:10 pm
YOU are REALLY, REALLY, REALLLLLLY not one to talk. look at ANY of your articles about homosexuality.
Praise or Condemn:
18 
3
12:04 am
Hi Mr. Billings,
I have read some of you articles, some of your comments, and I have absorbed the overall message of your work. For starters, I’m deeply disturbed by your actions, and your claims that you are providing wholesome Christian advice.
For starters, you seem to be the epitome of intolerance. You are the type of person who condemns those without cause. Because of people like you, we have inequality, we have sexism, we have people treating gays like animals.
Here’s something to think about. By “spreading the word of God,” you not only condemn, but you make it more difficult for a lot of people to live, and allow them to suffer because of your extremist, outdated views. You are the reason people shun Christianity, because you are a self-absorbed, self-righteous, bigot.
I hope you attempt to rethink your life viewpoints, because people might like you.
By the way, I’m an atheist, bisexual male, communist, university student.
You’re disgusting.
P.S. It’s hilarious that you can call other people pedophile’s, while being oddly obsessed with homosexuals, cross dressers, and the “jockstraps of teens”
Praise or Condemn:
22 
3
11:43 am
“As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power.” –Thomas Aquinas.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
32
11:47 am
““As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active power of the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of a woman comes from defect in the active power.” –Thomas Aquinas.”
Hate to burst your bubble, but it’s actually the Y chromosome that’s technically the defect, you sexist fuck.
Praise or Condemn:
25 
2
12:24 pm
Hey, Fuckwad Billings,
Have you ever taken a biology or genetics course? I guess not. Your elementary-level writing and general dumbassery reveal your fourth-grade education for what it is. Too bad.
Allow me, then, to enlighten you with actual FACTS.
As Claire said, the X chromosome is NOT a mistake. It is the default program of ALL HUMAN BEINGS. Fact: all humans begin fetal development as a ***female*** and only begin to take on male characteristics later in development… IF the Y chromosome is present. That’s how it works. We ALL start off as female unless our genetics specify otherwise. Males are DIFFERENTIATED from females. NOT the other way around.
The Y chromosome, which imparts maleness, is actually far more fragile than the X chromosomes. Why do you suppose it’s IMPOSSIBLE for a girl to be born colorblind? Or less likely to have learning disabilities, autism, or chronic illnesses? You know what she can thank for that? Her two X chromosomes.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not using this to make some kind of case that EITHER sex is superior to the other. HOWEVER. No one who knows anything about science could ever argue or suggest that women are somehow the MORE fragile sex. Biologically, genetically, it’s the other way around, big guy. And, here’s another newsflash for you: boys don’t seem to want college degrees anymore. I’m sure that even you, Mr. Billings, can predict what happens to those who don’t bring in the bacon.
Have a nice day.
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5:12 pm
about time someone stands up to this sexist fuck!!!
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5:17 am
That is just so funny. You are quoting scientific evidence from Thomas Aquinas, a 13th Century Italian philosopher and theologian! Putting aside your disregard for centuries of subsequent scientific discovery, how far back in history do you really have to to find evidence that will verify rather than contest your beliefs? Any doubt that you totally incapable of formulating an evidence backed argument, if there was any to start with, has just been extinguished. You really should go on stage, no, you really should
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9:36 pm
Pot calling the kettle black, hmm?
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7:59 pm
Wow you have got to be kidding me! This is ridiculous – are we living in the 50 with this kind of crackpot nonsense? Masturbation is healthy and perfectly normal!
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21 
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8:01 pm
Dildo, look into foreskin restoration. You can grow back skin to help undo the damage done by the money grubbing doctors.
There is no pain and it costs about $75.00 in supplies.
Do a Google for foreskin restoration, it is all out there and works.
As far as masturbation goes, this is the 21st century and we have worse things to worry about. Have you looked at the Gulf of Mexico or read a newspaper?
Lets get real and stop worrying what someone unimportant thinks.
Peace, cheers and love to all,
JP
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8:06 pm
Listen up folks: this is a Christian website offering advice to parents of troubled teens. I do not need you to share your masturbation stories unless they are truly inspiring in the search for recovering. I do not find it interesting or funny for people to post “I just jerked off” on here. This is offensive and inappropriate. Remember, God knows all which means he does read internet comments and some day, when you are adults or when you die, you will be held accountable for this.
I only mean to help and advise, to inspire and shed light. We only have so much time on this planet, why not spread the light of our Lord and revel in His glory? There is too much suffering out there and you’re only adding to it with your addiction. It truly hurts your families. Think about your mother the next time your tempted. Please be safe and God bless.
Hot debate. What do you think?
4 
51
8:08 pm
duuuuuuude. i just whacked off in th shower.
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8:09 pm
Because most bad things in the world do come from religion.
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8:12 pm
“Remember, God knows all which means he does read internet comments”
Pfft! Sure he does, just like how he reads tabloid magazines! You’re pathetic.
“when you are adults or when you die, you will be held accountable for this.”
Ooh, look, we’re shaking!
“I only mean to help and advise, to inspire and shed light.”
No, you mean to spread hate and intolerance.
“why not spread the light of our Lord and revel in His glory?”
Because he doesn’t fucking exist!
“Think about your mother the next time your tempted.”
Is that how you get off, Billings?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
43 
2
8:29 pm
claire you’ve got a wicked wit.
“Think about your mother the next time your tempted.” – billings
Is that how you get off, Billings? – claire
thats fucking funny as hell!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
27 
1
8:31 pm
PROPS CLAIRE!
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2
12:53 am
you guys are funny. this website is obviously a joke website.. all articles on here are a parody of christian views.. I think its hilarious how people are eating this shit up. Its almost worse than real Christians being spoon fed the bible.
some people just need to get a sense of humor. THey are purposely trying to upset people.. and its working! they are getting tons of views.. I love this site its funny.
Its like The Onion, for god.
idiots
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6:19 pm
Sadly Jim, this is not a satirical site. These idiots actually believe what they put into print. They have taken the words of the Bible and interpreted in their own sick justifiable way, to suit their own needs.
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5:45 am
“We only have so much time on this planet, why not spread the light of our Lord and revel in His glory? There is too much suffering out there and you’re only adding to it with your addiction.”
you are right your adiction with christ is causeing the majority of the worlds suffering.
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6:27 pm
Jazze, while this site does nothing to support TRUE CHRISTIANITY, it is unfair to lump all Christians into that boat. There are TRUE CHRISTIANS, unlike Billings and the bloggers on this site, that do make the world a better place. They do live as they preach. They do Love all fellow humans. I am very proud to say that my in-laws are some of those very special Christians. They put themselves before others. My landlord – who does not attend church weekly, is also one of those that I would state is a True Christian.
So please, you and every one else on here that state Christians are basically the down fall of the world – stop and think. Yes, there are those that are Religious Zealots like Billings the others, but thankfully they are few and far between.
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7:45 am
You claim:
“There is too much suffering out there and you’re only adding to it with your addiction.”
Many people are able to masturbate without it becoming an addiction. I agree that any kind of addiction that impacts upon quality of life is an issue, but someone who has a healthy respect for their body and enjoys masturbating shouldn’t be attacked by you or your slanted Christian views. Don’t generalize! I enjoy masturbating and I am able to work, enjoy time with my friends and study to get a degree. Not once have I ever chosen masturbation over any of those things. Occasional masturbation is NOT an addiction and is not unhealthy. Please research your articles more thoroughly.
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6:15 pm
Billings this is NOT a Christian Website!!! You do absolutely nothing but to promote hate to our fellow humans, regardless of race!!
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10:15 am
Listen, Billing, you retarded parrot. If there is something I want to take off my chest is that I too, love Hitler with my whole heart, but let me tell you this, if he was still alive, he’d throw you directly in the oven, you know, “Do not stop – go directly to the oven”. I believe you to be jewish excrement, as you’re wasting people’s times with your demented masturbatory topic and muddling the water in a way only a jew would be capable of doing. You are a weak man, Billings, and if I knew where the fuck you’re living, and if it wasn’t too much of an expense, I’d personally come over and do a number on you with a pair of pliers. And bring your Crist over, cause I’m willing to work overtime.
Sorry, crowd, I will not indulge this retard.
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10:30 am
I live in Dyersburg you imbecile.
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4:35 am
Now I know where to target my missiles.
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9:38 pm
Surely if God knows everything, then he would have found a way to make it impossible? Either that or he really doesn’t care about you whacking one off.
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8:14 pm
Hey guys, I’m tempted to add Billings as a friend on facebook just so I can torment him more. Whaddya think?
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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2
8:15 pm
do it man!
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8:19 pm
Claire, I would be happy to have you be my friend. Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? Isn’t that disgusting?
May is National Masturbation Month
http://www.examiner.com/x-8543-SF-Health-News-Examiner~y2010m5d5-Is-May-really-National-Masturbation-Month
I posted it to my facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephenson-Billings/100001040363642
Hot debate. What do you think?
5 
25
8:26 pm
May is National Masturbation Month? Sweet, that gives me an excuse to masturbate tonight!
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
30 
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8:29 pm
Huh. thanks, Stephen! i didn’t know that. that certainly is disgusting. are you saying that we must limit our gratitude of masturbation to ONLY A MONTH? this is appalling.
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8:39 pm
Prepare to be flamed. If you post your facebook profile on your webpage, then you will get more ‘friends’ (99.9% people you don’t know), who just flame you about your misinformed articles.
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7:11 pm
I’m not here to flame or add to the swearing, that won’t accomplish anything.
Just wanted to point out that the article you cited for masturbation month goes on to describe the benefits of masturbation. The benefits listed DIRECTLY contradict what you claim the occasional “me time” can cause. It can BOOST the immune system of men and reduce the risk of yeast infections in women.
I get that you hate homosexuals. I whole-heartedly disagree with that, but that’s beside the point. What possible evidence could you have found or created that says masturbation leads to homosexuality? Even IF homosexuality were a choice (again, i disagree but am willing to hear your side of it.) how would exposure to more naked women make you desire someone of the same sex? This sounds purely like insecurities and confusion being forced on others.
Faith is important, yes, but so is reason. Why would you go out of your way to ignore doctors and specialists who have spent their entire lives preparing for and working in a concentrated field? When Galileo (and numerous other scientists throughout history) determined the world was round and not the center of the universe, they were persecuted and called heretics. The fear was that this new theory didn’t explain where God “lived”, and consequently people would lose faith in him. Clearly, we did not (well, many didn’t). Instead of disproving God, it disproved the current INTERPRETATION of God and a new one came about to fill the void. Maybe the new theory should be God doesn’t want anything in excess, including masturbation. Don’t sweep evidence under the rug because it doesn’t fit the argument, adjust the thesis to fit the facts.
If you have researched this as thoroughly as you say, have you also looked into the sources research? Maybe a background of the credentials of the authors? Or did you stop when you saw something that fit your thesis?
You know Matt Damon HATES Sara Palin right? You can look that up, or check here, I’ll give you my source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6urw_PWHYk
He is also opposed to the war in Iraq and was married in a civil service, not under God. That one’s from wikipedia, and I checked their sources. Unless you have personally talked with Mr. Damon and/or stalked him for weeks to tally his wankings, I’m going to have to go ahead and assume that that is complete fabrication.
Same with just about everything else you said about spotting a masturbator, unless you said mirror, did you say mirror? I would have accepted mirror.
You quoted Thomas Aquinas earlier, and I’m glad you did. My favorite quote of his is, “The Bible is endlessly strange and new”, Meaning any passage could be interpreted countless different ways to support any number of perspectives and agendas. The passages you have quoted speak much more against adultery to me than letting your seed fall to the ground, especially if it’s his brother’s wife in a time when women were just baby-and-dinner makers.
If you do truly want to spread the good word and all that, I would suggest a little more “love thy neighbor” and a LOT less condemnation. Let’s leave that to the Big Buy, Hm? I think it’s incredibly presumptuous to assume you know what he does/doesn’t want us to do because you can twist a few verses to make an argument.
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2:51 pm
You should do it. That would be hilarious.
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8:15 pm
http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#masturbation
98% of all people masturbate.
give it up.
you’re NOT gonna win this one.
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24 
3
8:37 pm
Poe’s law at its finest.
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4
9:03 pm
Thanks for the pic of Russell. I’m going to go masterbate now.
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2
9:03 pm
Why masturbate when there are 10 year old boys to screw? We should learn from out priests and follow in their footsteps.
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9:03 pm
You used three Bible quotes to justify this article.
Leviticus 22:4 Specifically states it only applies to children of Aaron. Furthermore, it doesn’t say masturbation is sinful, it just says to wash up when you are finished. Is touching a corpse sinful also? Is having a skin disease (say, a pimple) also sinful?
Genesis 38:9-10 Onan was not masturbating in this passage, he was lying with his brother’s wife. The evil that God punsished him for was denying his brother children — which _was_ a mean thing to do to your dead brother.
Colossians 3:5 is very general and doesn’t mention masturbation, either.
In the comments you say that the Bible speaks extensively on masturbation. It does not, I have read it several times. The quotes you picked are pretty much the best ones, and none of them even mention playing with yourself. The Devil can quote scripture to serve his ends — of this, I believe your blog post is a great illustration.
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9:23 pm
I’m sorry but you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. The Bible is very explicit when it comes to sin as I have shown in the passages mentioned above (please reread the article!). Here are some additional passages for you to pray on:
“‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. -Leviticus 15:16-18.
“Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness.” –Romans 6:13
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” –Eph 5:3.
“So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling-block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” –Romans 14:12-13
“For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God… For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.” –1Th 4:2-8.
“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.” –Leviticus 18:22.
“When you are encamped against your enemies, keep away from every thing impure. If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there. But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp. For the LORD your God moves about in your camp to protect you and to deliver your enemies to you. Your camp must be holy, so that he will not see among you anything indecent and turn away from you.” –Deuteronomy 23:9-11, and 14
Hot debate. What do you think?
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11:32 pm
Unclean is not the same as sinful. All the quotes on “emmisions” instruct the people to wash afterwards. After washing, and sometimes being alone for a bit they cease to be unclean. I’d wash after having emissions too!
You’re also unclean after touching dead people or animals, or if you have a disease. Menstruating women are also unclean. The same word “unclean” is used in all cases. I doubt you’d class any of these as sins.
What I’m getting at is that the Bible calls “emissions” DIRTY in these types of old testament laws, but does not call them IMMORAL. “Emmisions” are gross, so you have to wash up before you touch anyone — that’s all they’re saying. It’s worth noting that the old testament laws say touching or eating pigs makes you unclean as well.
The other quotes you’ve provided are quite vague and don’t mention masturbation. They mention “sexual impurity” or “sexual immorality”, but do not define those terms. One of them is a law against homosexuality, not masturbation.
You might have a point with Eph 5:3, but I wouldn’t consider the Bible’s stance on masturbation extensive or clear. A vast majority of people do it anyway. For another example of things everyone does that contradict mosaic law:
Ex 20: “Thou shalt not make unto thee . . . any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth . . .”
How many images are on your article? Perhaps you should worry less about what everyone else is doing.
I’m surprised that you don’t find the irony in quoting Romans: “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.” Although, I admit I am judging too in pointing this out. Have a nice evening, it’s bedtime here.
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11:41 pm
Oh lol I didn’t catch this at first, _pay close_ attention to the star quoted portion of this verse:
“‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening.
*****When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen*****, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. -Leviticus 15:16-18.
You can see by splitting this quote up, that a man “having an emission” is no more unclean than a man lying with a woman and having an “emission”. See? Masturbation is no more sinful than normal hetero relations!
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5:36 am
Chris, please take yourself away and have a quiet word with yourself. You are posting accurate, well researched arguments based on fact and full use of ‘in context’ quotes. Further more, your posts aren’t twisted to support a hidden agenda and trot the ‘Bible Bashing’ over moralistic line. That just won’t do as it is not the way Billings so called ‘journalism’ is done. You should choose your bible quotes carefully, select only the parts that support your view and totally fail to point out that there are equivalent quotes, which prove things you approve of could be equally condemned. What are we going to do with you?
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16 
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9:16 pm
Hilarious satire, keep up the good work
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10:11 pm
Ahaha, white religious people are hilarious, man I am going to pop one off. Thank jesus for the internet. 99% porn.
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13 
2
11:01 pm
We should really take a poll:
Who Masturbates the Most?
a) Matt Damon
b) Russell Brand
c) Snooki
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12 
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11:12 pm
This post is so absolutely ludicrous that I don’t even know where to begin. As a satire this would be hysterical. However, the idea of this article taken seriously is blowing my mind. In order to believe in this you must be the most devout, uneducated, exiled sheep on the entire planet. The mere idea of somebody living their life by this is baffling.
I think I’ll invent my own religion so I no longer need to think about this.
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11:15 pm
This is a parody site, right? It’s post-modern satirical humor, yes? It has to be, because that would be the safer universe to live in, one where people couldn’t possibly be that stupid and ignorant.
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11:40 pm
Greatest troll of all time.
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11:45 pm
Mr. Billings,
You have repeatedly quoted Old Testament verses that require death as punishment for violating them. Have you overseen the killing of anyone? If not, and if you are aware of sin around you, why are you not condemning those sinners to death?
Additionally, have you stoned a rebellion teenager? Or have you restricted yourself from eating any sort of hard-shelled fish? Those are from Deuteronomy 21:18 and Leviticus 11:12, respectively. If you stress obedience to the Bible, you should obey these also. I am going to guess, however, that you do not. Why? Because they are, in a word, antiquated. They are commandments that belong to an age long gone. Billions of people eat shelled fish because as long as they are properly prepared, there is nothing wrong with them. It is likely that the original purpose of the fish commandment was to prevent food poisoning, since it is unlikely that a nomadic people such as the Israelites would have had methods of boiling water. Since we now have the means to properly prepare such food, is there any meaning in following such commands? Did God not give us brains with which to make these determinations?
In conclusion, I believe you to be a fundamentalist hypocrite incapable of maintaining a self-consistent moral outlook OR grasping basic facts about science (by the way, heterosexual sex is a more probably source of STDs than masturbation is, owing to the fact that pathogens in sexual fluids die in the presence of oxygen, which flies in the face of the erroneous implication made in your article).
I used to be a Christian. But I saw that the rants of people like you in no way reflect the larger realities of our world or our universe, which is why I now consider myself an atheist. Your type of Christian did more to drive me away than a “Satanic influence” did to attract me.
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11:48 am
I know perfectly well what the Bible says and means, I don;t need some internet anonymous person to come on here and tell me what to do. Are you square with your God? What have you done to please him? Is your life righteous and without sin? Yes, please don’t throw stones in glass houses my friend.
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2:59 pm
and here we have the definition of hypocracy.
or is it irony seeing as billings is so unaware of what he is doing?
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11:56 pm
I am a faithful Atheist and frown upon the actions of most Christians. I say most because I have actually met some who are very good people and do not just claim to be so. I for one masturbate, and so do a lot of my Christian and other religious friends. It is, as I have come to realize, a very natural process, and shouldn’t be frowned upon. For, when i was 14 my 17 year old sister had gotten pregnant, and I had almost vowed to never have sex in a million years. I found this promise to myself to be very anti-productive and swore to just wait until I felt that I was ready to handle the responsability that comes with a child, S.T.D’s ect. And since i have continued to masturbate and have sex with my wife. With whom I am happy to say I have a darling daughter who means the world to me. I do not masturbate all the time, but I still do masturbate. And anyone who can tell me that my lifestyle is wrong and feel that they are correct in their words may burn in a house filled with slow-burning objects. while wearing a fire suit to increase any pain inflicted while it eventually melts to your skin and you are burned alive. The Human race may be extremely flawed but the people described in the last sentence I believe to be the entirely most flawed of all the Humans in the world, yes, even more so than serial killers.
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7 
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11:50 am
“anti-productive” is not a word. I think you meant to say “unproductive”. Also, you use commas incorrectly.
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12:06 pm
“when it comes to chaffing your organs”
That should be “chafing”, Billings.
“Katie, I under you want to disagree”
I believe that should be “understand”.
“He truly love You!”
There should be an s at the end of “love”, there, Billings.
“Allright people, let’s not over react and take things out of context.”
There is only one l in “alright”.
Oh, and we can’t forget this little gem:
“DONT YOU DARE INSULT MY MOTHER THAT IS WRONG AND DISGUSTING SHE IS A GOOD WOMAN WHO IS ONLY HUMAN AND MIGHT HAVE HUMAN PROBLEMS BUT SHE IS FAR BETTER THAN YOU LITTLE INTERNET SCUMBAGS HERE DESTROYING WHAT IS A ARTICLE ONLY MEANT FOR PARENTS.”
Yes, we can see that Billings is an expert at comma placement.
“People like you are disgusting and a pox upon on their own race.”
Remove either “upon” or “on”, you can’t have them both there, I’m afraid.
“unless they are truly inspiring in the search for recovering.”
It should be “recovery”.
“Think about your mother the next time your tempted.”
*snicker* that should be “you’re tempted”.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
36 
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11:58 pm
This reminds me of when the Nazis used these “teaching methods” on how to spot the ideal Aryan or how to spot a Jew, etc.
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12:00 am
This is the stupidest thing that I have read on the internet. The total lack of sources, made up facts, and your admission of smelling sheets for semen all contribute to this. Jesus never said anything about jacking off. I’m sure he would be much more concerned about the wars you conservatives support than something this stupid. You have no studies, no research proving that beating the meat effects people in the workforce. This is retarded.
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12:02 am
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
Mohandas Gandhi
Stephenson Billings, if you do indeed believe the retarded dribble you wrote about, you fit the definition of what Mohandas Gandhi was speaking of.
If you can, answer me this. If God truly is the creator of all things, then that means he would have had to have come up with all the thoughts and emotions humans are capable of, right? If this is true, then God himself would had to have masturbated before creating humanity in order to give us the capability of even thinking about committing the act of masturbation.
The same can also be said when thinking of homosexuality. If God didn’t want us to be gay, why did he give us the ability to think and be attracted to members of the same sex? God would have had to created those thoughts himself, right? And since God created all things, including thoughts of homosexuality, doesn’t that make God gay as well?
If I’m right (which I am because all Christian religions believe God created EVERYTHING) then why would God not want us to masturbate and be homosexual when he’s the one that came up with the ideas in the first place? I don’t think any supreme being that damns us for doing things that they came up with the idea for in the first place is worth believing in.
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11:53 am
You understand so little. God gave us free will. Adam and Eve and the tree of knowledge? Remember that? The devil tempting humans away from righteousness? We need to win back God’s favor by living a good, faithful life. Jesus died for YOUR sins!
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12:12 pm
“Jesus died for YOUR sins!”
Now how the hell could Jesus die for the sins of someone whose existence wasn’t even a THOUGHT until 2,000 years later?
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12:10 am
Say I used to once be a master at bating
But then I saw the light of God, Himself.
And he told me, nay I need not to worry about touching myself. If I ever need help with that, I only need so far as to go to the local Catholic church and ask.
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12:39 am
This is the most close minded article i have read in quite a long time. It helps me remember why i decided to be an atheist, to escape from the close mindedness of most christians. 90% of people masturbate, there is nothing you can do about it. If my mother told me i was not allowed to masturbate, i would still do it, because i believe it is not my mothers decision on what i should do with my meat. in your case, Mr. Billings, i believe it is Beat it or Eat it, since you claim that you do not masturbate, i believe you do the latter. It’s the Fuckin’ 21′st century you close minded freak. Get used to it and keep your uneducated thoughts to yourself you sick, perverted fuck. I thought nobody could be this uneducated about how the world is today, but you, Mr. Billings, have proved me wrong. and this website is just fantastic, its a humongous load of pure buttpudding by incredibly close minded people. I pray to the flying spaghetti monster that you never have sex with anyone for the sake of humanity. People like you having children and teaching what you are attempting to teach here is the reason we have child protection. And upon reading several articles, mainly about how beating your child is the best way to teach them respect, I feel like i have lost all faith in christianity all over again. I am literally sick and disgusted by the fact that you can actually attempt to tech people this load of asspudding. And you are also trying to stand up to the actions of the Nazis? What kind of sick fuck do you have to be to actually try to justify their actions? What has possibly driven you to do this? All this writing has got me in the mood for some masturbating… May i recommend a few websites, Mr. Billings? Mainly they are Sl utload and RedTube. Best quality websites with plenty of content, totally free!
PS. Claire, you are my personal hero!
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12:44 am
Also, Mr. Billings, i would like for you to actually read what i have said and reply to it as intelligently as you possibly can, instead of trying to avoid the issue, as many christians do when confronted by these types of questions. Thank you for your time.
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11:58 am
WHat could you possibly want from me? Clearly you’re fully invested in the liberal, atheist agenda and hate the people who are trying to make this world a better place. I have dedicated my life to serving Christ and fighting immorality everywhere. Do you really want to jump on the side of perversion, rape, pornography, prostitution? Are you really so sick? Maybe when you’re an adult you’ll see how fruitless you crazy addiction is and how much you have hurt the people around you. Your mother and your father love YOU! Jesus Christ died for YOUR sins! And are you the least bit grateful? Have you done anything to glory his name today? NO! You live like some hippie liberal who thinks his body is a pleasure palace and who just wants to be immoral and watch offensive tv shows and support socialism and Obamacare. You people disgust me.
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3:06 pm
WHat could you possibly want from me? Clearly you’re fully invested in the religious, christian agenda and hate the people who are trying to make this world a better place. I have dedicated my life to serving logic and fighting insanity everywhere. Do you really want to jump on the side of hate, murder, genocide, and denial of your own flaws? Are you really so sick? Maybe when you’re an adult you’ll see how fruitless you crazy addiction is and how much you have hurt the people around you. Your mother and your father love YOU! obama made healthcare for YOUR health! And are you the least bit grateful? Have you done anything to glory his name today? NO! You live like some hypocrit who thinks his body is a pleasure palace and who just wants to be evil and bible thump so you can offend more people and support genocide, terrorism and all the lies you are feed. You people disgust me.
works both ways buddy
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12:43 am
no one, not even the christian community, is going to take you too seriously if you refer to Snooki as a “Tunnel of Fun”.
also, the real way to spot a masturbator is to accidentally walk in on them. you could, however, just do what i do and assume that every person on the planet either currently partakes time and again, or at least has a handful of times in the past (pun completely intended).
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1:09 am
I am a Christian, but this entire website, and especially this post is just insane and makes me almost embarrassed to share the same religion.
You make so many generalizations, judgments, and assumptions about people, yet claim to be trying to save the world. Shouldn’t such an over-the-top (supposedly) Christian website avoid doing these things, since it isn’t exactly a Christian thing to do?
It is no wonder that most atheists, and people with beliefs other than yours have such negative feelings towards many Christians. People see things like this, these hypocritical and nonsensical “works of journalism” written in the name of God, and assume most believers are like this, and are left with a permanent bad-taste in their mouth. If you all could step down from your high horses and realize that spitting fire at everyone who doesn’t think and act like you, and condemning them at first judgement (God’s job, not yours) will not help you reach anyone outside of the Christian belief, and may even spurn a few believers as well.
Instead, try not acting like you are so much better than everyone else, and attempt to see things from outside of your “holier-than-thou” mentality and you may actually be able to help some people, instead of just creating more spite towards Christianity.
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1:18 am
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1:21 am
If this were actually true, it’d be an odd situation. Getting rid of cats is always a good thing.
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12:01 pm
I realize that photo is a joke, but cat ownership is not in keeping with God’s laws.
The Dark Underside of America’s Obsession With Cat Ownership
http://christwire.org/2009/10/the-dark-underside-of-americas-obsession-with-cat-ownership/
Hot debate. What do you think?
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12:08 pm
Fuck god.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:51 pm
on the subject of folowing the laws of god have you comited your yearly genocide yet billings?
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1:18 am
Please no more logical fallacies. Steve, you are doing what is called a slippery slope (if…then…) which is based on false/unproven evidence. Please, just stop.
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1:19 am
I masturbate daily, up to 4 times a day; this has been going on for more than 35 years.
I have no shame to admit it, and I will talk about it openly with my family and my friends.
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1:23 am
“‘When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening. -Leviticus 15:16-18.
Gotta listen ppl. God wants you to clean off after you masturbate. That stuff makes a mess. Doesn’t taste too good either.
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1:24 am
The thing many Christians fail to comprehend is the Bible is simply a book written by man, subject to the biases and whims of those humans who created it. Regardless of whether or not a Lord was looking over the shoulder of the author of any particular book, it was still a man who put down (using his “God-given” free choice) his human outlook on life
A phenomenal guidebook to learn good values and live a good life? Absolutely, in a general sense. A by-letter instruction manual as to how to approach every aspect of every situation? Lord no
I mean, really; last time I checked, most of Jesus’ adolescent years were not included in the holy book. He could have been the “purest” or the most “depraved” boy of all time and we’d never know
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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2
12:02 pm
Liar.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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2:50 pm
pedophile
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12:55 am
Stephenson Billings, I speak for the rest of the human race when I’m politely asking you to kill yourself. This will better our species and the world as a whole. fuck you.
your politely,
~Ryan
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5:58 am
Wow, intelligent come back there Billings, well done. That’ll support your logical argument.
As for the bible you are so fond of selecting (very selective mostly!) quotes that support your view, not only was it written by frail men, it was also selectively ‘edited’ by man. Some of the books were amended and even some omitted. To be honest, the bibles of different ‘branches’ of Christianity are of different lengths as each contains or omits different sections.
Add to that the fact that Christ spoke Aramaic and the bible you quote from has been translated from Greek and Hebrew, into Latin and then into English many centuries later, you may only be left with the very general meaning, not the exact meaning you quote as the exact ‘word of god’. There are in fact over 2400 different translations of the bible, which one is the right one? Come to think of it, if you’ve ever translated anything from one language into another and then back to the original, you’ll actually wonder if you are quoting anything to do with the original books of the bible at all.
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6:39 pm
So, just who do you think wrote it Billings? Do you actually think that God himself set-up typeset and published the book? You truly are a moron!!
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6:13 pm
It’s the best parody of Christian paranoia I’ve ever read.
And written with a straight face.
That makes it genius satire.
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1:38 am
i masturbated 3 times today. twice too gay porn.
im scared im going to go to hell. it this a legitimate fear? or can i say sorry and god will forgive me?
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3:41 pm
i’m curious about this too. if god forgives stuff like this is you say sorry, can you literally get away with murder? if not, where is the line crossed? if not, i can go on a killing spree and say “oops. sorry.” afterwards, can’t i? and if he DOESN’T forgive, that mean 98% of the WORLD’S population is going to hell. no offense, but if the only alternative is to spend eternity in heaven with YOU, i’m happy to go to hell with 5.9 billion other people.
Please tell me. i’m very confused. this seems veeeeeery tricky.
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1:45 am
Hey thanks for one of the best laughs I’ve had in months! Your website is hilarious, keep up the good stuff!
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2:01 am
PLEASE READ THIS
THIS SITE IS FAKE THIS SITE IS FAKE THIS SITE IS FAKE THIS SITE
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2:01 am
god it’s awesome to have invoked godwin’s law.
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2:02 am
Wow, this just might be the dumbest article ever written (if it was meant to be serious). Denying one’s body’s needs can be dangerous. Look at the Catholic priests.
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1:02 pm
Those aren’t christians. Remember Christians have secret affairs with gay hookers and smoke meth. Then repent for it and say they have chosen to be straight. They also hire gay men to come along on their trips to Europe and carry their luggage and give them relaxing massages.
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2:18 am
POE’S LAW PEOPLE!
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3:30 am
Oh ok. Thanks.
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3:36 am
Hello, i just want to reach out to our Christian readers: this site is currently being spammed by atheist/liberal groups who are trying to destroy our freedom of speech. Please don’t let their hate hurt you, they are the minority in this country though there are many of them online. We are the majority of America and we are righteous in ways they cannot comprehend. Do not be intimidated by theirr numbers or hateful comments, I forsee their defeat. We are the moral majority here and they are the futile few obsessed with masturbation and anal sex and they are truly an abomination. God bless my fellow Christian soldiers and don’t let these criminals scare you from commenting!!!!!
“He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in him I will trust.’” –Psalm 91:1-2.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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5:26 am
Sorry to burst your bubble there Steve, but this article is everything wrong with Christians these days. I grew up in a christian house, and my parents wouldn’t be caught dead invading my privacy like that. How sick and perverted do you have to be to be so obsessed with your child’s sexual habits? It’s truly disturbing!
Now before you go insulting and belittling be for not believing what you believe, I am in fact christian, and I do go to church. I pray every Sunday and I listen to my pastor. In fact, me and my family are sitting at my computer at this moment marveling on how you’re leading modern Christians astray with this witch hunt on our own children. Masturbation is no sin. It’s just a normal human behavior. Belittling your children for doing a normal thing like that is just sick and wrong. Why do you want your children to be ashamed of themselves that way? It just breeds contempt.
Do you know what modern christian parents need these days? A good dose of sanity. They’re certainly not going to get it here.
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5:32 am
we are not takeing away your freedom of speech. as matter of fact you are trying to silence us you hypocrit. freedom of speech is not some kind of shield you can use to say that we can’t disagree or abuse you for what you say. part of freedom of speech is takeing responsibility for what you say. the second you use your freedom of speech to give an openion you invite people to discuss t´heir openion with their freedom of speech especially if they disagree.
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9:42 am
Billings, get your fat ass back to the kitchen and make your boyfriend a creampie.
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4:47 am
I betcha God wanks 3 or 4 times a day and jizzes all over jesus while he’s wanking over Marys face.
Christian fuckheads. Complete and utter bullshit.
Most of u fuckers r kiddyfucking Porno freaks anyway.
Doosh
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5:56 am
So… No more wankin’ in the office?
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8:02 am
To reply to my own comment I have to add. The man has clearly a point. If someone wears a Duran duran T-shirt, he must be chronic masturbator!
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6:05 am
Oh look. More ignorance. SURPRISE!
I mean… does it really still need to be explained to you?
The bible.
Was written by ROMANS ( YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS WHO WERE CORRUPT AND DESTROYED ENTIRE NATIONS AND WERE BENT ON SOCIAL CONTROL? YEAH THEM!)
Ignore this FACT though, as I’m sure you will.
Also the bible is 95 % astrological metaphor.
The MORNING STAR is the easiest way to prove this.
The morning star is not some fallen angel nor a man who performed miracles, far from it, the morning star is VENUS.
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6:06 am
This is a GREAT article! I was watching porn, and not any type of porn, but midget fucks a christian horse porn and then stumbled upon this and now I have no boner. So guess you made a lot of sense.
Yeah……
In all seriousness though. This article itself is nothing but masturbation. It’s the jackassery of a fuckin’ retard who claims to be a journalist. I will now go back to choking my chicken. And to the dick who wrote this. Yes, Im talking to you Billings, don’t quit your day-job. I puked in my mouth a little from reading this drivel.
Peace
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6:10 am
Some christians need to meet my good friend bill hicks over on the youtubes.
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6:11 am
looooooooooooool. fuck man, christian really are as thick as pigshit aye. GODS NO REAL FAGGOTS.
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6:27 am
This article was clearly written by someone who needs an orgasm. Who knew, at the age of 21, while being a pro-active member of my community, in a loving and stable relationship and holding down a great job, that I’m actually a deviant who’s plotting when I can get another five minutes alone to ‘self abuse’.
This article was probably written as a satire, but it genuinely scares me that there are more than likely some people out there who are so terrified of their own sexuality.
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8:20 am
Is this a joke? It has to be. No one can type this stuff with a straight face.
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8:54 am
This is one of the most irresponsible articles I’ve ever seen. Masturbation is normal and healthy. No physician or anyone with valid credentials in sexual health would tell you otherwise. You should be ashamed of yourself for judging people for engaging in a perfectly natural activity. You should be ashamed of yourself for providing misinformation because it suits your ideology. You should be ashamed of yourself for making the teenage years even more difficult than they need to be. If this is how your belief system makes you think, then your belief system has some serious problems.
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8:54 am
Though I agree with some of the things said in this article, I can see how any Christian could lift up Matt Damon as some kind of “example” of Christian behavior. It’s really ironic that this actor who is one of the epitomes of Hollywood glitz and glamor is somehow illustrated albeit indirectly as a shining example of Christian character (a master of self control, even, in accordance with Galatians 5:22-23).
I thought that as Christians we believe that man sees the outside but God sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). So, how can you put out there this lie that somehow outside appearance is an indicator of whether one commits sin? I’m not saying the writer is a liar, but this is a straight up faleshood, and a lie, and you know what the Bible says about lies (John 8:44).
Im not trying to hate, and I appreciate your workings and an Ambassador of the Most High, but we as Christians we have to stand on the word, not personal opinions.
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9:15 am
LOL, is this article for real? It’s hovering so close to satire I’m unsure. Hilarious! Funniest thing I’ve read all day, thanks for the laugh.
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9:55 am
Epic Troll is Epic
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10:12 am
Great satire, man. Is this entire website an elaborate joke?
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10:20 am
No, the lord does not want us to touch ourselves. He’s rather our Pope, who’s word is his work, have sex with young boys instead. Then use one of 1000 excuses (that your probably thinking of right now) to justify it or condemn my comment.
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10:38 am
Turns out it IS a joke site. XD @ so many people taking it seriously.
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11:04 am
Thank you!!! This article is yet another affirmation that I was correct in my assessment of religion. Although being brought up a devout catholic I figured out at a very young age that organized religion is the root of all evil. First off, the very sources you provide are contradictory to your statement and is not based on fact. I can site where 90% (or more) of the medical community will state that masturbation actually lowers the risk of prostate cancer. Secondly your “examples” picture is extremely offensive! Your judging a book by it’s cover. So anyone with a beard, sunglasses and an untucked shirt is clearly a masturbator and will go to hell for it? I thought judgment was reserved for god only? BTW while I’ll agree that Snooki is not a good roll model, her skin is orange because she applies tanning solution NOT because she uses sex toys! That alone shows the ignorance of your article.
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11:11 am
LOL i just realized the epicness of this troll site!!!
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11:30 am
omg? is this a real christian site or a gag site? my friend posted this on facebook as a joke and Im really hoping it is… really you people need to get a life if this is supposed to be a serious article… and just an fyi masturbation is something that starts in the womb, literally, look it up in scientific journals, oh wait you dont know what that is, cuz youre to busy reading an outdated book that has no place in the modern world!
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11:45 am
“Allright people, let’s not over react and take things out of context. This is a polite discussion, no need to attack me for my heartfelt political views of history. Just because you’re blind to the truth and insulting your own race, doesn’t mean I can’t help you learn.”
Sorry, but nobody in their right mind is going to sit back and let you defend the actions of the Nazis. Next you’re probably going to start defending the KKK.
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11:49 am
I’m not entirely convinced this is serious, including the responses from Billings. It would certainly make more sense after reading the articles and his responses to criticism.
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12:01 pm
i’m dumbfounded by this. i thought it was a gag until i read all the comments and replys. this is the most absurd thing i have ever read. especially considering all that juicy, spank-worthy stuff in the bible. adam and eve were frolicking around in the buff…you got prostitutes in there…oh man…excuse me, i feel a bible-thumpin’, stroke session comin’ on!
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12:04 pm
Only in America!
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12:14 pm
As a Christian and a journalist, I do welcome our friends from all across the spectrum of internet diversity here who came to share their views. You must understand, however, this site is meant for parents so if you’re young much of this writing may be hard for you to comprehend. I do recommend forwarding this article to your parents or caretakers if you are young and then having a frank discussion about your biology questions. Your local pastor is also a great resource for sexual issues. He is there to help!
I welcome you people here because it gives me the opportunity to minister to your needs and many of you sound in great pain. The swear words, the anger, clearly there is an emptiness in your hearts. Did you know that Jesus Christ died for YOUR sins? It was a glorious sacrifice he made up there on the cross just for YOU! Don’t let his death pass in vain, please think about faith and understand that it may be the key to the happiness you are unfortunately and hopelessly seeking with pornography, pre-martial sex, homosexuality and masturbation. I am also here humbly to offer any advice I can give. God bless you all!
“And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.” –Ecclesiastes 7:26
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12:33 pm
jesus christ never died for my sins billings on this guy died for OUR sins
Optimus Prime died for our sins may the all spark bless him
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12:47 pm
“Your local pastor is also a great resource for sexual issues.”
Hah! Yeah, and I’m Mickey Mouse!
“Did you know that Jesus Christ died for YOUR sins?”
No, he did not die for OUR sins. Maybe YOU’RE 2,000 years old, Billings, but the rest of us aren’t.
“It was a glorious sacrifice he made up there on the cross just for YOU!”
See above comment.
““And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.” –Ecclesiastes 7:26″
“Then how did Sarah Jessica Parker’s butt-cheese wind up in Scrotie’s milkshake?” – “South Park”
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12:55 pm
ummm, I hate to break it to you but there were a lot of people who claimed to be messiahs and “died for our sins”, Jesus just happened to have the best PR team…
* Simon of Peraea (ca. 4 BC), a former slave of Herod the Great who rebelled and was killed by the Romans.[2]
* Athronges (ca. 3 BC)[3], a shepherd turned rebel leader.
* Jesus of Nazareth (ca. 4 BC — AD 30-?), a wandering prophet and teacher who was crucified by the Romans; Jews who believed him to be the Messiah were the first Christians, also known as Jewish Christians.
* Menahem ben Judah (?), allegedly son of Judas of Galilee, partook in a revolt against Agrippa II before being slain by a rival Zealot leader.
* Vespasian, c.70, according to Josephus[4]
* Simon bar Kokhba (?- ca. 135), founded a short-lived Jewish state before being defeated in the Second Jewish-Roman War.
* Moses of Crete (?), who in about 440-470 convinced the Jews of Crete to attempt to walk into the sea to return to Israel; he disappeared after that disaster.
* Ishak ben Ya’kub Obadiah Abu ‘Isa al-Isfahani (684-705), who led a revolt in Persia against the Umayyad Caliph ‘Abd al-Malik ibn Marwan.
o Yudghan (?), a disciple of Abu ‘Isa who continued the faith after Isa was slain.
* Serene (?), who around 720 claimed to be the Messiah and advocated expulsion of Muslims and relaxing various rabbinic laws before being arrested; he then recanted.
* David Alroy (?), born in Kurdistan, who around 1160 agitated against the caliph before being assassinated.
* Nissim ben Abraham (?), active around 1295.
* Moses Botarel of Cisneros (?), active around 1413; claimed to be a sorcerer able to combine the names of God.
* Asher Lemmlein (?), a German near Venice who proclaimed himself a forerunner of the Messiah in 1502.
* David Reubeni (1490-1541?) and Solomon Molcho (1500-1532), adventurers who travelled in Portugal, Italy, and Turkey; Molcho was eventually burned at the stake by the Pope.
* A mostly unknown Czech Jew from around the 1650s.[5]
* Sabbatai Zevi (1626-1676), an Ottoman Jew who claimed to be the Messiah, but then converted to Islam; still has followers today in the Donmeh.
o Barukhia Russo (Osman Baba), successor of Sabbatai Zevi.
o Jacob Querido (?-1690), claimed to be the new incarnation of Sabbatai; later converted to Islam and led the Donmeh.
o Miguel Cardoso (1630-1706), another successor of Sabbatai who claimed to be the “Messiah ben Ephraim.”
o Mordecai Mokia (1650-1729), “the Rebuker,” another person who proclaimed himself Messiah after Sabbatai’s death.
o Löbele Prossnitz (?-1750), a proven fraud who nevertheless attained some following amongst former followers of Sabbatai, calling himself the “Messiah ben Joseph.”
* Jacob Joseph Frank (1726-1791), who claimed to be the reincarnation of King David and preached a synthesis of Christianity and Judaism.
* Menachem Mendel Schneerson (1902-1994), the seventh Chabad Rabbi who tried to “prepare the way” for the Messiah. Some of his followers believe him to be the Messiah, but this belief is declining.[6]
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2:46 pm
”Your local pastor is also a great resource for sexual issues. He is there to help!”
Yes for rape us!
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2:48 pm
if jesus died for my sisn….doesn’t that mean that god won’t punish me for my sins?
you just shot yourself in the foot billings.
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8:00 pm
I wonder if u spoke outload this joke of a thought process to yourself if u could actually fiinally understand why it would seem so crazy to the normal everyday human being. If u truly believe even one thing of what u have sad u are literally out of your mind.
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1:10 pm
Dear Mr. Billings. As an Ex Catholic school boy, and son of a Theologian, I can assure you that I am quite versed in the origins of religious faiths. I would like to point out to you, and other readers of these posts. That dualism in religion was created around 3000 years ago, in ancient Persia. Which is now Iran. Dualism was started by a Prophet named Zoroaster.
This individual amalgamated all the Good Gods, and all the Bad Gods, in to two. Those being “Ahura Mazda” and “Ahriman” respectively. Google these definitions – define:ahura mazda, define:ahriman.
The word “Propaganda” means, and I’m talking about it’s original meaning, means, literally “The Office for the Propagation of the Faith”. You can Google that to, or just
go here, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congregatio_de_propaganda_fide. What I find quite interesting Sir, is the fact that you are proselytising an arugment in which you seem to have little, or no, origin of its underlying origins. When attempting to coerce, and or condition another, it is vital that the persuader first be fully versed on the subject for rebuttal.
One needs only to look through the annals of historical argument to ascertain the proof of such failures. One of the major Propagandist concepts, is that of “Stressing High Moral
Principals”. This action immediately puts the persuader on a somewhat higher ground, than that of the recipient of the persuasion attempt. Yet it is inherantly fraught with failure.
For it is generally accepted within the Propagandist community, that the high moral principal methodology, only works when used in conjunction with another Propagandist concept. That
being “False Urgency”. I would implore you Sir, to reconsider the origins of your argument. And Faith. For you left yourself wide open. However, that is only because you believe in
something which was originally set up as a method of control by the State. You can research that in any Encyclopedia. Or read it hear, http://www.kjv-only.com/rick/bancroft.html. I would
also like to direct you to one of the most basic tenets of the KJV. That being, “Let He Who Is Without Sin, Cast The First Stone”, John 8:7. http://bible.cc/john/8-7.htm.
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12:39 pm
If you were really a journalist, you’d know that “irregardless” is not a word.
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12:42 pm
I hate when people use that word, too. Pet peeve…
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12:57 pm
ir·re·gard·less [ir-i-gahrd-lis] Show IPA
–adverb Nonstandard .
regardless.
Origin:
1910–15; ir-2 (prob. after irrespective ) + regardless
—Can be confused: irregardless, regardless (see usage note at this entry ).
—Usage note
Irregardless is considered nonstandard because of the two negative elements ir- and -less. It was probably formed on the analogy of such words as irrespective, irrelevant, and irreparable. Those who use it, including on occasion educated speakers, may do so from a desire to add emphasis. Irregardless first appeared in the early 20th century and was perhaps popularized by its use in a comic radio program of the 1930s.
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2010.
Word Origin & History
irregardless
an erroneous word that, etymologically, means the exact opposite of what it is used to express, attested in non-standard writing from at least 1870s (e.g. “Portsmouth Times,” Portsmouth, Ohio, U.S.A., April 11, 1874: “We supported the six successful candidates for Council in the face of a strong opposition. We were led to do so because we believed every man of them would do his whole duty, irregardless of party, and the columns of this paper for one year has [sic] told what is needed.”); probably a blend of irrespective and regardless . Perhaps inspired by the double negative used as an emphatic.
Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper
ir·re·gard·less (ĭr’ĭ-gärd’lĭs)
adv. Nonstandard
Regardless.
[Probably blend of irrespective and regardless .]
Usage Note : Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition
Copyright © 2009 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
The funny thing is that until Billings started writing on Christwire, I’d never heard of the word “irregardless”.
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12:47 pm
Wanker. The end.
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12:54 pm
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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1:03 pm
You christians are so full of shit!
Read this instead! http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/masturbation-guide
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1:54 pm
This is hilarious, better than the Onion.
Actual thought it was serious for a minute there.
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1:55 pm
I am fairly certain that anyone would run out of the room very quickly if a man “pressed his nose to a young man’s mattress, inhaled deeply and (irregardless of the smell) announced, “That smells like semen.”
I really would have no interest in hanging out with a man that knows so well what semen smells like that he can detect it, like a blood hound, on someone’s sheets.
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2:07 pm
everyone masturbates. you touch yourself in the shower to wash? or do you just not wash down there. Couples that masturbate together live longer, healthier, happier lives together. By masturbating you are releasing endorphins and it makes you happier. Well, you’d know that if you could find someone to slob your knob but from the look and sound of you, i’d say you cant even get a hooker. it’s a shame really. There’s free porn on the internet. take a gander. it’s ok i’ll distract jesus. obviously you Mr. Billings could benefit from a little tickle and giggle every now and then. Go ahead, double click your mouse. Sit on your hand till it falls asleep and play the stranger game.
ps. The bible also states that God and Jesus will forgive your sins. So pull the buttplug out of your behind and quit bitching about this stuff. Obviously you cannot find a woman or keep one with your extremist religious beliefs.
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2:23 pm
So let’s think in terms of the unwise and wise.
By biased basis of this site, it’s immoral and wrong to do anything deemed natural by today’s standards. First of all – If it’s so wrong to have self gratification, tell me why Dolphins also have sex for pleasure. If one of “god’s creatures,” why then does it indulge itself to their inner most desires? By the way – Dolphins are also very sentient.
Now, those pictures above showing the faces of masturbaters is bigotry and false. Not to mention that it’s stereotypical and profiling. I wear jeans, an untucked shirt and wear a hat sometimes. This doesn’t mean that I’m a chronic masturbator. It just means I like to dress comfortable. Also – The looks of guilt are quite normal for people in everyday life, not just because they’re masturbators.
Christianity closed mindedness is the bane of society. To not be able to accept the way things change and the way things work in today’s world is complete ignorance.
However, I respect your right to free speech, but what I won’t stand for is your lot poisoning my own childrens’ heads with your nonsense. For the sake of the real country and for the sake of the future of mine and my childrens lives, please keep your nonsensical crap out of our media.
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2:32 pm
So is it a problem if you have other people masturbate for you all the time? Because I never touch my penis, I even have some one else hold it while I pee and every thing. I know I’m not going to hell because I’m too damn rich, but I’m worried about the poor people.
-Matt Damon
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2:51 pm
WHAT??? REALLY??? this is EVIL?? i really hope this was a joke!
masturbation is NOT WRONG OR EVIL! would you rather have them having sex??
hm…
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3:04 pm
If you haven’t realized that this whole site is a joke, and they are being satirical and just trying to be as extreme and racist / closeminded as possible to point out and exaggerate the ridiculousness of some christian organizations, then you are retarded.
After reading all of the articles on this site, or even one of them, you should realize immediately that it’s just taking extreme christian views and making them even more extreme for the sake of showing you how ridiculous some of them can be.
What REALLY shocks me though, is how the authors will comment on each article SPECIFICALLY TRYING TO GET YOUR GOAT, and how easy it is for them to take said goat, and then rape it until it’s dead.
You guys are seriously SO gullible, it is amazing. Truly, the joke is on you.
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4:00 pm
Evidently, “Not an idiot’s” goat was stolen by those who replied. “I think I will miss you most of all scarecrow.”
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3:10 pm
Onan was killed for his greed, no for masturbating, and masturbating has been proven to decrease the chances of getting prostate cancer in men dramatically…just an fyi
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3:37 pm
Don’t masturbate, fuck a little kid in the ass.
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3:54 pm
Are you serious? Have we come, no pun intended, to trying to identify masturbators? Is the person who wrote this article a complete idiot, or just a chronic masturbatory bed sheet sniffer? First of all, where is the science behind this person’s claims? This article has no evidence to support his claims. Let me tell you how to spot a masturbator, look in the mirror, and there you have it. I think this author should quit trying to project his shame in participating in masturbatory fun and just have a good time playing with what God gave you.
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5:20 pm
LOL guys this is clearly a troll post and its hilarious. Nobody in their right minds would post something like this and be serious about it
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5:42 pm
Are you serious? You guys are all dumb asses. Humans are here to reproduce. We get horny, and need some release. We end up fapping. It’s no big deal, and anyone who says different needs to be locked up where no one has to hear their stupid bullshit. Dumb ass christians.
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5:58 pm
Oh, sweet sweet ChristWire.
You are adorable in your closed minded views of how the world works. The one thing that does make me sad is that you do make levelheaded non-extremist Christian groups look bad.
BUT HEY SOMEONES GOTTA DO IT, RIGHT?
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6:38 pm
I personally love to polish the rocket you know spank the monkey, choke the chicken, kill some knuckle baby’s, or pound the piss pump if you will. Back when i was just a little amateur wanker spending those long summer days watching my father fucking horses while giving a perfect reach around just made me want to run in the house and fuck my sister in the ass. i couldn’t of course, she was just recovering from her fourth abortion from her and my fathers excessive drinking family fun nights.So i went to my mothers room, pulled out the honey moon video as i had done so many times before . my dick was hard before i could press play. just i started stroking my cock my mother walk in. She looked at me and said hurry the fuck up. me, your, sister and your daddy need this room soon.
god do i miss those day.
hail Satan
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6:46 pm
This is the most judgmental and arrogant website I’ve ever seen. I thought you christians were supposed to be understanding and save the judgment for christ? I know I’m not wrong on that because I used to be christian. When you judge someone else you are a sinner. Tend to your own garden. I seriously hope you die a horrible death. and when you do die, there is no after life. Only people running from their past and hiding from something are so judgmental of how other people live their life. I know you will feel vindicated and justified that you are a better person than me because of what I’ve said here. But you thinking you are better than me, is very, very un-christlike. christ forgives and would expect you to act the same way. Not hate and judge everyone as if they are sub-human because you can’t face the fact that GOD IS IMAGINARY!!!!!
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6:48 pm
Mr. Billings,
You claimed you researched this topic. I would like to know what sources you read/watched to come to some of these conclusions. For example, why wearing sunglasses is “uniform” to a masturbator?
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7:54 pm
I’m a christian, I thought this site is pathetic. God would say “Go get a frakin life” . People who write article in this site should be ashamed of themselves.
I call this article a hypocrite. Quit fucking embarrassing the Christianity.
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8:33 pm
This is one (of the many) reasons that I condemn religion. Teaching parents how to teach their kids how to be disrespectful to others? Wanting to embarrass their children for a natural, normal thing that Mother Nature Herself made? Trust me, I do not look guilty after I masturbate. I look quite lovely, to be honest. I masturbate with my partner, too. I love to watch him masturbate. Animals masturbate. PEOPLE LIKE YOU are making religion obsolete. They are seeing it for what it is. A bunch of crazy people who hate and pontificate instead of treating each other with kindness and goodness. You judge. Keep doing it. You are alienating people. When all the old Christians die out, Christianity will be done. Sell the churches and turn them into non-profit organizations that can actually help communities suffering from addictions (oh, my how sinful…do you understand WHY people become addicts? Do you care or are they just sinners, too?) and the grieving and the lonely and all the other normal, but painful human conditions. You can’t help these people. You are too far removed, reading some book written by a bunch of men (never speaks to women…your book). The sad thing is, Christianity could probably help a few folks who need that crutch, but you alienated them all. This is sick stuff you’re doing. It completely goes against my beliefs. It offends me deeply and my goddess, Mother Nature. Shame on you.
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8:49 pm
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8:50 pm
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8:52 pm
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8:55 pm
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8:55 pm
Billings, you are a first class, top shelf moron. You site no sources. You apparently just make things up and pull things out of your ass to fit your warped view of the world.
Masturbation can cause cancer? Really? Please cite the medical study that showed these results. In fact you can’t because no such study has ever found this. In fact, many studies have shown that the more orgasms a man has in his life time the lower his chances for prostate cancer is. And it does not matter what causes the orgasm. Sex or masturbation. It keeps the prostrate cleaned out. It is believed that semen sitting in the gland for a long period of time, essentially becoming stale and dead causes one or more form of prostate cancer. So you are actually advocating people do the exact thing that may cause prostate cancer. Well done you pin head.
This is a perfect example of why I believe that really hard line Christians are a real danger in many ways to healthy and sane people.
You and anyone who buys into this crap needs help. I am a happy, healthy 42 year old married father of 5. I have a job that earns me right at $100,000 a year. My wife and I have been married for 21 years and we are commonly told that we are the happiest married couple that our friends and family know. We have a wonderful life. And guess what, she and I both masturbate almost every day. And I am sure that our older children do as well. They are all happy and healthy normal kids. They have friends, they have boyfriends and girlfriends. All three of them make straight A’s and B’s in school and have part time jobs after school. Two of them play sports and one plays in the school band and has won individual and group competitions for her instrument. My family alone proves that your “theory” is complete and utter bull shit and that you are a complete and utter fraud. You are a sad little man who is afraid of his own sexuality and of the “naughty” thoughts that you have. Everyone has them dip shit. They are fucking normal and healthy. Thinking the way you do is the unhealthy thought pattern.
Seek help. You need it.
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12:09 am
um… Mike… the whole site is satire. It’s taking the piss out of all the right-wing, ‘Christian’ whack jobs out there. The sadder fact is that you (and me initially) truly thought this was genuine. People really, actually, do think like this – so many, in fact, that you and I and hundreds more thought it smacked of reality.
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10:27 pm
Even though I know it’s fake, it still gets me.
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9:45 pm
Chronic masturbater here.
Me and jesus use to jerk off to each other and then have anul sex
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9:59 pm
Okay. I’m a Christian, and it’s crap like this that makes us look bad to other people, so, just saying: Way to go. This really just sounds like a rebirth of the Salem witch trials.
You’re seriously telling me that you’ve never gone a little further than touching yourself as a kid? Yeah, that’s bull.
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10:07 pm
Is this article for real? Masturbation is a healthy, normal part of life! If your “God” is so caring and loving, he wouldn’t mind that his people enjoy having orgasms!! Mastrubation causes cancer? Wow! I just feel like masturbating and ejaculating all over your “Holy” fucking bible! Live long and be miserable bible thumpers.
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10:18 pm
Best ways to spot a chronic masturbator:
1: Hairy palms
2: Blindness
..At least so I’ve heard.
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11:34 pm
http://www.google.com/trends?q=porn%2C+jobs%2C+facebook%2C+youtube&ctab=0&geo=all&date=all&sort=0
just another look at google search stats
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11:42 pm
This web site is nothing but blasphemy. You are not Christians. You are nothing but moral terrorists. You only care about YOUR personal agenda. Please do not use The Saviors name in vain.
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12:01 am
The other way to tell that the college student in the pic is a masturbator of the first order, is by his t-shirt. Duran Duran, I mean really. Gay and a masturbator, that fellow has just one strike left before he’s on the Highway To Hell. (Praise be to AC/DC and their soul-saving, God-fearing hymns of piety.)
The other way to tell is ask if he’s a republican. And then ask whether Sarah Palin ‘does it for him’. Turns red and mumbles something? Masturbator!
Of course, the sure-fire way to tell is with this one simple question? Are you human? Over 13? Masturbator! Game, set and match my fellow wackers.
Love the site boys! I thought high-quality satire was dead, but no! Yay!
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1:08 am
HAHAHAHA holy freaking god EVERYONE I JUST ADDED THIS GUY ON FACEBOOK! go look up Stevenson Billings!
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1:25 am
It says billings works with kids.
I wouldn’t bring my kid to him, You know this article is a lie when you read “The danger this passage suggests has been proven by contemporary medical science, not just with the spread of STDs, but also because masturbation is directly connected to yeast infections in women and prostate cancer in young men (see “Masturbation May Cause Cancer”). In extreme cases, it has been known to lead to such dire scenarios as retarded ejaculation, urethral trauma and penile fracture.”
It decreases it, if you’re seriously, than you give the christians with there heads screwed on a bad name.
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1:31 am
Denial’s not just a river in Egypt. As a friend of mine use to say, “There are two kinds of guys. Those who masturbate and those who won’t admit to it.” You’re a huge fag that needs to get laid ASAP or at least jack-off and relieve some pent up stress. People like you give normal Christians a bad name. And by normal I mean the one’s that aren’t psychotic or repressed to the point where they feel they need to write some bull-shit with no facts what so ever. Here’s a tip: next time the voice in your head tells you to spout off a bunch of stupidity, ignore it. Then go see a psychiatrist because there’s something seriously fucked up in your head.
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1:39 am
I thought this was a fake article when a friend of mine sent me the link. I am thoroughly shocked that someone wrote this 100% seriously.
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2:42 am
OMG my friend posted this on his facebook……and I thought it was like one of those de-motivational poster thingys….this made my night, thank you crazy religious ppl for the awesome laugh-fest I just had!!
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2:45 am
A lack of sexual self-indulgence, like masturbation, leads to pedophilia and child molestation.
Proof?
The constant Catholic church sex scandals.
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2:49 am
Every man or woman masturbates.
FACT.
Masturbation is good for you.
FACT.
You’re an idiot.
FACT.
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3:15 am
all i can deduct from reading this article and these comments is that no matter whether you masturbate or not, religious people are still a bunch of wankers.
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3:15 am
My goat was got good. Thank you, Christwire.
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3:33 am
“For adults, masturbation exhausts. It can make one groggy and unfocused. It has a steamrolling effect, encouraging individuals to think more about sex and less about their work at hand.” AT HAND!! …priceless!:))
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3:54 am
I’m a girl and looove the body god gave me. I’m happy to say that I participate in a little self-jiggery pokery. It’s well worth going to the bad place for!
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4:21 am
I’m really worried that masturbation is a occupational health and safety risk. I didn’t know that. I have two people who report to me at work. Both are young, female and quite attractive. One is a Christian so she probably masturbates. Can anybody suggest how I can sensitively raise the issue of this important safety matter?
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1:45 pm
ahahahahahhahahahaaa!!!
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4:29 am
People who repress their sexuality tend to be the ones that end up having embarrassing ‘lapses of faith’ later on, i.e. Bush’s old buddy Ted Haggard- look what happened to him. Also, for a Christian website, it seems a liitle odd that you give people the ability to ‘praise’ or ‘condemn’ each other. Isn’t God supposed to be the only one who can judge? Do some research from sources that aren’t written by the church for a change, take your heads out your asses and stop filtering ignornat shit onto the internet. You stupid, stupid fucks.
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1:46 pm
good stuff stephen
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5:16 am
I’m having a Tommy Tank as I read this
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7:04 am
anyone else get the feeling that this guy is a major masturbator loving child molester?
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7:40 am
this sounds like something a child molester bishop would write to convince moms into sending him their horny kids.
steven, you are disgusting !
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7:42 am
What a superlative article. If I can overcome my tendancy to procrastinate, I shall be sure to raise your point regarding the hidden dangers of masturbation in the worksplace at our next health and safety meeting. I for one would feel mighty proud if ours became the first company in the world to include masturbation as one of our ‘top ten fatal risks’.
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8:13 am
OMG!!! I’m a legitmate journalist and this is simple self-righteous crap!
I work for a REAL newspaper in the military. A REAL journalist knows to
use true facts and figures to make their point. You can have an opinion and
be able to write it, but you can’t pose as a legitimate journalist without
having even ONE fact to back yourself up. There is absolutely nothing wrong
with masturbating. EVERYONE does it. It’s been proven to help relieve stress
in both male and female. Human beings are naturally sexual creatures. In fact,
other than dolphins, we are the only species to have sex just for pleasure.
I wouldn’t have a problem with this “article” if it was anti sex before
marriage, simply because that’s a normal topic among Christian groups. However,
what kind of message are you really sending saying that someone can’t
masturbate. Think about it. Catholic priests, for example, (and before you
decide to judge me as you have been doing throughout the comments and with this
“article” alone, I am Catholic) aren’t allowed to relieve themselves. Now the
church is having major problems with child molestation cases. I’m not saying
that all priests molest alter boys, but I am saying that maybe if they didn’t
believe this tripe, rape and molestation may decrease among radical Christians.
Another point, you want to defend the Nazi race? Are you even aware that Hitler
was a drug addict? He popped more pills than Rush Limbaugh! AND, the Nazi soldiers
were given countless prescriptions in order to continue with their heinous crimes
against humanity. Another note, Hitler may never have masturbated, but it’s been
found in his journals that he would orgasism when he delivered many of his
speeches. In a way, wouldn’t that be a form of masturbation? Billings, I have to
say that you are helping soil the beautiful name of Christian. Especially, since
“thou shall not judge lest thee be judged” Those are words to live by my friend.
I suggest the next time you want to go into a tizzy about what other people are doing
maybe you should look in the mirror and wonder what you are doing wrong. On a final
note, you’re judging based on looks. Have you looked in a mirror? You look umkept
just like those who you claim are sinning because they masturbate. Your hair is messy.
You look like you’ve eaten one too many cheeseburgers and don’t even know what a
pair of sneakers can be used for. I hate to point all this out, but it’s utter
self righteousness to write this tripe. I’m also a mother, and I don’t care that my
teen relieves himself. I would rather he masturbate than stick his penis in everything
that walks. Can’t catch a disease when you masturbate!
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10:09 pm
Elle, legitimate journalists know how to capitalize words properly and don’t use childish expressions like “omg!!!”.
As for the homosexual Catholic priests who rape boys, maybe if they didn’t masturbate so much, they wouldn’t have this problem. Masturbation encourages sexual fantasies. If they had abstained as they should have, then this molestation thing wouldn’t be a problem.
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10:15 pm
Actually, it allows the person to remove built-up sexual tension. And sexual fantasies aren’t wrong at all- they’re perfectly normal. They’re only wrong when you don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy. You fat pig.
http://www.jackinworld.com/ – Educate yourself.
Masturbation is a good thing.
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10:44 pm
“Elle, legitimate journalists know how to capitalize words properly and don’t use childish expressions like “omg!!!”.”
Billings, legitimate journalists know how to properly cite sources and don’t have to resort to bolding and underlining sentences in order to make a point.
Perhaps you should get lessons from my sister, who just graduated from American University, as magna cum laude, majoring in Journalism and minoring in Political Science.
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8:52 am
It’s satire you thick twats.. Look at the facial expressions, do you people not have a sense of humour?
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9:03 pm
I am willing to stand up for what I believe in. Would you do the same?
“But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened. Take Courage.” –1 Peter 3:14.
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9:03 am
lololololol
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9:15 am
calm down guys, this entire website is elaborate satire. a bit of poe’s law undermining the true crackpot fundamentalists out there.
the real gold is the odd poster on some of the articles who doesn’t see the joke and agrees. lol.
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9:54 am
Mr. Billings, you are an idiot. This is why the world is so screwed up, because no matter stupid (love Nazis for their goodness or just about every word in this article) someone, somewhere will believe you, thus creating a new generation screwed up kids. Do the world a favor and tattoo “Idiot” on your forehead. That way you can save a lot of your time not having to write garbage like this; we will know who you are right away. Try comedy next time. This article was funnier than Hell. When I saw your pictures of reference. I laughed so hard I came in my pants!
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9:56 am
Holy crap! At first this was some of the funniest shit I have seen in a long time!
…..Unfortunately I am slowing coming to the realization that this is not from The Onion and the author is serious. That is disturbing. This is some serious christian-kookery.
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11:39 am
Mr Billings,
I am going to preface this with the fact that I am not personally a religious man, I believe in a higher power but choose not to affiliate myself with any organized institution as I feel out relationship with God is such a personal one, that it’s best left to ourselves. That being said you will likely discard my views since I am a ‘sinning heathen’, but I feel the need to express my views regardless.
This article is an insult not only to the reader, but journalism and Christianity as a whole. This is exactly the type of thing that makes people like me, a young man who would love to explore his spirituality, refuse to even consider Christianity. This kind of over-zealous, fear mongering and posturing could only possibly be taken seriously by the deranged or immensely ignorant. There are no citations for any of your claims and even worse you are making masturbation out to be a horrible thing. That’s the reason so many individuals in the religious right are sexually deviant, because people like you have conditioned them to be ashamed of a perfectly natural and healthy process. Furthermore, content aside, your article is poorly written and conceived. In your diagram you say one sign of a masturbator is ‘loose fitting clothes’ then just below that you say ‘tight jeans’ (to apparently hide erections, which leads me to believe you’ve never had an erection, especially in tight jeans). So which is it? This is mindless drivel and you are a sorry excuse for a writer and a human being. ‘Judge not lest ye be judged’…or did you conveniently forget that part?
Oh and the part about smelling the bed and stating that it smells like semen is disgusting, perverse and completely non-nonsensical; what child wouldn’t be embarrassed and leave the room if their mother said something of that ilk? Even if he hadn’t done anything he’d be embarrassed by it. Furthermore you are promoting deceiving your own child and humiliating them. That’s not terribly Christian of you Mr. Billings, in fact it’s rather monstrous. I’m certain there is a special corner of Hell for hypocrites and charlatans such as yourself.
~Nick
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9:01 pm
Dear Nick, you are an imbecile. Your crude attempt to cut up my journalism fails at every level. You are a liberal weak-kneed scumbag. Please save your hate for more worthy causes, like the global terrorists who want to destroy our way of life and enslave our women. I am here to share the love of my faith and it’s ignorant people like you who want to stop me instead of standing up for Patriotism and traditional values. I am fighting for YOU too, did you know that? The decent people of America have to stick together against the hoards at our borders. You are like a French men at the Maginot line. I feel sorry for you.
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9:10 pm
Dear Billings, you are a retarded fuck head whose wife and mother are the same person. You live in a one bedroom apartment with a dog named spot, which you have sexual intercourse with while masturbating to gay porn… and fingering your wife who is also your mother. You then lick up spot’s semen (because spot is fucking you in the ass) and regurgitate it into a jar to use as future lubricant for fingering your wife/mother. This is well researched, you cannot refute it. It is as true as your post… irrefutable.
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9:27 pm
“Please save your hate for more worthy causes”
Like calling people imbeciles and weak-kneed scumbags.
“the global terrorists who want to destroy our way of life and enslave our women.”
They don’t want to enslave our women any more than you Christians do. According to the quotes you’re so famous for posting, you believe that women should be silent in church, that we are lesser and come from a “defective” gene, that we should stay in the home.
“I am fighting for YOU too, did you know that?”
As commanders of our own fates, WE get to determine who’s fighting for us and what is being fought for us, NOT you.
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10:06 pm
I hate to say this, but you really wouldn’t talk this way if you had a man in your life.
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10:36 pm
“I hate to say this, but you really wouldn’t talk this way if you had a man in your life.”
Okkkkaaaayyyy….so one second you’re telling me that I’m too young to know words such as penis and testicles, and the next second you’re telling me that I need a man in my life…
And what did you mean by that sexist comment anyway? That a man would control me? Hah! Fat chance! If any man tried to control me then you might as well rename me “Lorena Bobbit”.
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12:07 pm
Here is a simple method of physically restricting masturbation.
Some members of my church have used Super Glue to seal the entrance of their daughter’s vaginas and/or fastening down the hood on the little man-in-the-boat that dirty girls fiddle with. (This resulted in an infection for two of the girls because the urine hole was inadvertently pinched off – so be aware not to restrict the salty squirt)
Super Glue has also been employed in controlling four randy young men in the congregation by affixing the penis to the scrotum such that the penis cannot rise upon sinful thought. This results in the added benefit of humiliating the masterbaters as they must sit to urinate. Young members of our church fully understand the consequence of sinful thought and no semen or honey has dripped in our church for almost two years now.
Praise God! and thank him for Super Glue.
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3:00 pm
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. you sir are going to hell in a handbasket…..
I am a professional personality profiler and can say without any doubt that the indavidual who wrote this post is a certified child molester. someone find him and have him investigated and arrested ASAP!
SAVE THE CHILDREN!
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12:29 pm
How To Spot A Masturbator
Its Easy to spot look to your left look to your right
If no one is Masturbating then chances are your doin
g it right now
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12:39 pm
Dear Mr.Billings….you are the biggest piece of shit ever. I am going to skull fuck your mother, while foundling her fish smellying cunt…. then i am going to pull out of her and explode my herpes infested load in your fuckin face!…Good Day to You sir
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