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I Only Have 14 Friends On Facebook, Does That Make Me Exclusive or Lonely?
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I have just joined the worldwide phenomenon Facebook.com and what a strange experience it is! I know, I know, it’s 2010 and I’m a little late to the game. The service has been around for years and everyone knows about it. I delayed because I had serious concerns about linking up with unfiltered people from every nook and cranny of the planet. News stories chronicling crimes connected with this site are all too common. Pedophiles and child bullies seem to love the place. But it’s also a fantastic chance to network, to promote your business and find new clients, to look up high school buddies, reach out to family members and generally create a charming community to call home. So, as a journalist and a student of life, I decided to take the plunge!
Joining Facebook is a bit complicated. As a new member there are a number of forms that must be filled out. Be weary of exposing too much of yourself. Privacy is a very vital issue today and you do not want to open yourself up to criminals and identity thieves. You should also have a photo of yourself handy, ready to be scanned electronically. Thankfully, some of the most private questions on Facebook can be skipped. Please take the time to read each question carefully but don’t forget to have fun! It’s exciting to ask yourself, “What are my interests?” “What sorts of people am I looking for?” “What am I feeling today?” So with all that done, I hit “return” and received a message that my brand new account had been activated and was now available for the world to see!
It’s like my first day of high school! All those new faces, all those clicks of people… It’s an intense little whirlpool of connections and popularity. Do I want to call up my workmates? Should I befriend my neighbor who is divorced and spends most nights drinking on his porch? Is it unseemly to accept some women in a tight shirt into my peer group? I love children and as a child counselor I am surrounded by them most Sundays, but is it right for me to be chatting with boys late at night across the wires of the internet? Leading the young into our temples of faith is a noble calling, but what holds them back from flirtations and innuendos? This is a tricky minefield, my friends! But it’s also delightfully thrilling! I have found dozens of other “Stephen” Billings online. I have joined Evangelical groups and Tennessee groups, and political groups and other groups that fit my hobbies, and I have shouted out to my Christian brothers and sisters!
Now I am waiting for the flood… I have 14 friends. Is that a lot? It doesn’t seem so… I certainly know far more people than that in real life. A few have even been so crass as to reject me (for what reason? Facebook won’t tell me). Now I’m waiting. Maybe a bit on the edge of my chair. Let me check my profile again. I turned on all my notification emails so I can be informed the minute something happens, a new friend accepts me, someone comments… But it’s a bit sluggish so I go back to my profile to double-check things. Why haven’t more people “friended” me… Plenty of my peers have hundreds upon hundreds of friends. I still have 14. That is a bit low. I feel a bit left out. This is sort of depressing me. I’m not a child but this humbling, maybe insulting. Who are you people? My profile is right there! Am I doing this wrong? Why aren’t people noticing me? Maybe I should comment on other people’s walls more. Those friend requests should be piling in. I see no little red icons on my profile page. Should I be worried? There could be a technical problem on Facebook’s end. Maybe emails are getting lost. I have heard that they have this problem sometimes. Maybe I should contact somebody about this?
This awful site is addictive. I can’t seem to go 15 minutes without checking on that silly thing. Any excuse will do. Oh, I wonder what Jack Gould thinks about my latest article? Has Sarah Palin posted today? When was the last time Marie Jon logged in? Gosh, has someone new seen my childhood photos? I wonder what ever happened to my old friend Carl in New Orleans… Maybe he has a profile… I’d love to see what he looks like these days, old Carl! And I’m back there in a second, logging in, logging out… This thing is addictive. All those little ads are annoying. Maybe that’s how this works. Is it all about the ads? Where are my friends? Come on, this is getting ridiculous. It’s been almost a day now that I’ve been on Facebook and I only have 14 friends. I’m not desperate to be popular or anything. I am a self-respecting person after all, but this is plain wrong. Do I really need the headache? You know what? I don’t. I am an adult and I respect myself. I hate this Facebook and I really have better things to do with my life. When I have the time maybe I’ll delete my profile. Erase it from the internet for good and all you people who didn’t have time for me will lose out!
Well, who knows. I don’t have the energy right now. I did put some effort into creating that whole whatever, clicking on those things. Maybe I’ll keep it up there for now, in spite of my better judgement. Maybe I’ll just keep it as my little foothold in the internet world and if good, caring people want to be my friends then so be it.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephenson-Billings/100001040363642
5:14 pm
I need to make me one of those things!
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5:21 pm
WTF? Is one of your friends wearing KKK robes? He is! Go to hell, you satanic motherf*ckers. You are not Americans, you are racists. P.S. There is a link that leads to his Facebook account. It shows a man wearing KKK robes; listed as a friend of Abe’s.
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5:22 pm
By the way, shouldn’t you be working, like a productive American; instead of wasting time on Facebook?
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5:35 pm
Don’t hate on my new friends, okay?
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5:42 pm
I do not hate on anybody, I just think those dipsh*ts are extremely wrong. Anybody in the KKK is pathetic, as it is obvious. It is the twenty-first century; we need change. All humans are created equal, Billings; all humans are created equal…
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5:27 am
Hey, retard … this site isn’t serious. Stop flipping out like some kind of epileptic, gullible retard.
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14
3:38 pm
the reason you have only fourteen friends is the fact that you are a racist ass hole
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5:33 pm
“Joining Facebook is a bit complicated.”
Uh…only if you’re an old fart with a brain the size of a pea.
“I still have 14. That is a bit low. I feel a bit left out. This is sort of depressing me. I’m not a child but this humbling, maybe insulting. Who are you people? My profile is right there! Am I doing this wrong? Why aren’t people noticing me? Maybe I should comment on other people’s walls more. Those friend requests should be piling in. I see no little red icons on my profile page. Should I be worried? There could be a technical problem on Facebook’s end. Maybe emails are getting lost. I have heard that they have this problem sometimes. Maybe I should contact somebody about this?”
Dude, what the fuck? Not everything is about you! People will only see your profile if they search for you. You’re not a celebrity; the only people who are going to be searching for you are perhaps the people who cruise this site.
“It’s been almost a day now that I’ve been on Facebook and I only have 14 friends.”
Well, Sherlock, you’ve solved the mystery: you’ve only had the profile for A DAY.
“I’m not desperate to be popular or anything.”
Could’ve fooled us, what with your agonizing over only having *GASP!* 14 friends.
“Erase it from the internet for good and all you people who didn’t have time for me will lose out!”
Think pretty damn highly of yourself, don’t you, Billings?
P.S. this isn’t an article. This is a blog entry detailing your facebook experience. Have a nice day.
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5:34 pm
Claire, thank you for the comment but don’t you think that was a bit mean?
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5:37 pm
No, it wasn’t “a bit mean”.
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5:40 pm
I just joined to buddy!
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5:43 pm
You’re the one who is mean and corrupt Billings. Take a look at your posts and think, for once.
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5:44 pm
Woa! Tyson’s scarier looking than I thought he would be!
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6:57 pm
I’ve been told by many, I look very good for my age.
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9:26 pm
and He looks like another pedophile like Billings
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9:40 pm
Heh. What is that, Tyson, a mug shot from when you picked up that hooker trap?
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5:43 pm
What does “Poke Me” mean????? You sure this isn’t a gay site?
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5:45 pm
Calm down, spazz; just calm down and quit over-reacting about everything.
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5:48 pm
This is a term coined by homogays to invite “fornication” on the Facetubes.
Step lightly Christian Soldier, there be dark waters.
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6:12 pm
Is it really? Mr. Billings, is this true?
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6:14 pm
I haven’t seen the “poke me” option. Where did you find it?
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2:49 am
There is no “Poke Me,” there is a “Poke Name” link on your friends profile page under their profile picture. The intent is to get the attention of who you poke, not the sexual type of poking. “Tap Name” wouldn’t work much better.
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3:03 pm
If you have been poked by anyone, or considered poking someone, you are now a homosexual. You should probably do god’s work (or is it buddha’s or allahs. I get them all mixed up) and kill yourself liek you want all of the gay animals killed.
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5:45 pm
We also have a Tweeter account that Jack just told me about he said to write this:
@christwire
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6:17 pm
That’s not a link, Tyson. It should have a “www” part to it. Do you have something like that?
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6:54 pm
.com/christwire
The poke me thing is under your name when I view your “Wall”
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7:00 pm
i don’t know what that means, Can you post the whole thing starting with the “htp” and “www” parts?
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10:48 pm
It’s the tweeter thing with the .com/christwire
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1:19 am
lol’d at “Tweeter”
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5:47 pm
He (Billings’s Facebook picture) reminds me of G-Man from the Half-Life series. Don’t worry, Billings; the “G” does not stand for gay.
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5:49 pm
I am sorry, it is Bower’s picture, not Billing’s picture. They are probably the same people under different names, however.
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6:15 pm
Nope, I am my own person thank you.
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5:51 pm
Not an article, only been on a day, and already acting pathetic, oh, and by the way, Google updates it’s copy of the internet on backup servers every 2 hours. So your profile isn’t ‘gone forever’ as you say. Just gone from this particular backup.
And now the real fun begins:
” You should also have a photo of yourself handy, ready to be scanned electronically. ”
Actually, you can upload a photo taken from your webcam. And you don’t even need a photo.
“All those new faces, all those clicks of people… ”
People are not called clicks, they’re called people.
” I love children and as a child counselor I am surrounded by them most Sundays, but is it right for me to be chatting with boys late at night across the wires of the internet?”
Yes, yes it is. I feel sorry for those poor children.
” This thing is addictive. All those little ads are annoying. Maybe that’s how this works. Is it all about the ads? Where are my friends? Come on, this is getting ridiculous.”
If you use Firefox, there is a plugin called AdBlock Plus that blocks Facebook ads.
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6:01 pm
Looks like a cute friendship ‘tween a lil girl and an adorable bear.
Finally, a beautiful Christian image to behold!
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1:16 am
That’s pedobear, he rapes little children.
That’s not cute.
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2:43 pm
Then this Pedro-Bear was clearly devised by immigrants to corrupt our white Christian youth.
Stay strong, Christian Warriors, and be cautious of the Jose’s, Migueal’s, and the Pedro’s!
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12:31 am
RULES ONE AND TWO.
No just kidding I don’t care.
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5:54 pm
It is funny, as the spelling of Billing’s name other profiles is,
“Stephens
on Billings”,
That couldn’t sound more homosexual-based than it is.
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5:59 pm
are you kidding? it does that. really if it does that i’m allmost willing to take that as proff that there is SOME kind of god out there.
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6:04 pm
I know it does that. I just want to give Billings a hard time, figuring that he is the biggest homophobic ever to live.
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6:20 pm
Guys you’re a little over my head with this tech talk. Can you provide a link that shows what you’re talking about? Is this something on my profile I have to fix?
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6:26 pm
Don’t worry, Billings, there is nothing you can do…
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5:54 pm
so you prove you have need for atention by posteing a 6 paragraph long text basicly sayin “me me me me me more me wny don’t you notice me? you’re mean you don’t wanna be my firends me me ME!!! me me your loss me me me”…. i’m not convinced.
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5:55 pm
damn obviosuly it was ment to say “prove you have no need for atention”. don’t write late a night kids you miss the important typos.
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9:47 pm
Oh my little skateboarding friend… you need to clear that brain of yours!
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1:18 am
Oh my morbidly obese enemy, you need to clear your mind.
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1:49 am
seriously that is you best defence? going on about something as arbitary as skateboarding?. the clostes i have ever been to be a skater is trying a friends skateboard and nearly break my leg the seond i got on it.
i have no cordination deepth perception or balance. skateboarding is some of the last activities i’d participate in. also you forgot to in anyway relate you responce to what i actually said… does that mean i hit a nerve? that i said something so smart that you can’t really find a way to defend yourself besides personal insults? see here’s the thing billings. i’m not below personal insults. but if you are gonna use them make them relevant. make them mean something. and base them on facts and not asumptions.
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9:31 pm
awww man you have a KKK memebr as your friend and you said you are not racist ??? come on You can do better Billings hahahaa
well I won’t add you I have a Multi ethnic profile and I don,t want a freak Old man on my profile
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9:47 pm
Racist.
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10:53 pm
why because I’m a white male who have white black and asian friend in My facebook thats make me Racist come on you can do Better than that
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1:51 am
you obviously have no idea what a racvist is billings. dislikeing you because of your belifs is not racsist. dislikeing you ebcause you are white is. but a whithe person can never be raceist against you…ever.
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1:23 am
Billings reminds me of Bill Murray from Ghostbusters.
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9:35 pm
So, Stevie, you are a PREFERENTIAL child molester, are you? What’s your favorite age group? Pre-puberty? Or do you like it when they get all those funny feelings and become confused and you can take them under your wing. I bet that’s what you do. You aren’t the sadistic type, but the seductive type. You like to build a relationship with the child. You give him love and attention, and then you whittle away his sexual inhibitions slowly over time. Then, in time, he will trade sexual favors with you. Quite simple, really, isn’t it? The hard part comes when he becomes too old for you, and you have to dump him. What do you do then? Is that what happened between you and that Latino boy? He couldn’t bear the break-up and you couldn’t stop him from telling on you?
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9:50 pm
You seem to know an awful lot about this subject. Pervert.
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10:05 pm
Good boy. You sure come when beckoned, don’t you? Yes you do! When there is bait, you bite. When you have a penis dangling in your face…. well, you get the picture. Better than most of us, I suppose. I do know a bit about child molesters. There are two categories: Situational and Preferential. Situational child molesters, simply put, take advantage of an open oppurtunity, and really have no preference for children. Most are single cases, and thus, statistics on them are very slim. On the other hand, preferential child molesters, such as yourself, actively seek out children. They will gain positions of employment that put them closer to children. Yes, I know about these things. Someone has to, right? None of the contributors to this site know anything about them. You sure don’t…. or do you? Perhaps you have a more intimate knowledge of child molesters, a more “hands-on” feel? You aren’t all that complicated, Stevie.
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10:08 pm
“such as yourself…” Oh what malarkey!
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10:18 pm
‘Oh what malarkey!’
How very eloquent of you, Steve.
Is that how “journalists” react when people attack their character? Give us a compelling argument as to how you do NOT fit the profile of a sexual predator. Then, give us a compelling argument as to how you are not a homosexual. Use your words, Steve! And I want to seperate arguments, because these are two seperate accusations! One does not have anything to do with the other. Do I need to spell it out for you?
1. Article that gives a compelling argument as to how you are NOT a child molester.
2. Article that gives a compelling argument as to how you are NOT a homosexual.
I want you to use professional sources. You do know what professional sources are, don’t you, Steve? You should, you claim to be a journalist. ACT LIKE ONE! I want research! I want you to cite your sources using a bibliography.
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10:24 pm
I AM NOT A DJ AT YOUR LOCAL GAY DISCO AND I DO NOT TAKE REQUESTS! DON’T YOU THINK I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN BLURB WITH YOU LITTLE, LITTLE PEOPLE? GO CLIMB A TREE YOU INSANE PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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10:25 pm
Also, my name is Stephenson not “Steve.” I would appreciate it if you addressed me properly. You may call me Stephenson or Mr. Billings, thank you.
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10:59 pm
You know Stephenson that if you don’t show evidence that you are not a Pedophile we can call FBI or police officer and tell them about you we have a LOT of evidence in your article as well as your comment
so if I were you You actually DO some real Journalism for Once
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1:54 am
if you are not willing to protect your own integrity fine but then don’t cry when we keep abuseing you and call you a homosexual childmolester.
also how dare you decide what we should call you after you have repeatedly called me jazzy on occasion?
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9:53 pm
Awesome! Make sure to accept my invite, Stephenson.
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10:42 pm
“And little people know
when little people fight
we may look easy pickings
but we’ve got some bite.
So never kick your dog
because he’s just a pup
we fight like twenty armies
and we won’t give up
so you better run for cover
when the pup grows up!” – Gavroche “Les Miserables”
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11:20 pm
I don’t do showtunes, missy.
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1:20 am
If you do i’ll say “Praise Jesus once!” Because to hear you sing would be fucking hilarious.
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10:28 am
I should’ve guessed that Les Miserables would be too sophisticated for you.
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2:15 pm
billings i never knew you watched americas next top model sorry isn’t you watching it rather gay??? or do you like watching young girls getting half naked on screen at your age i don’t mind watching them half naked as i am around there age and i tend to get a hard on from time to time watching hot girls in bikinis
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4:25 pm
Stephenson get off facebook. Their are so many gay gatherings on the site you might want to kill yourself. Also, I took the liberty to look at your friends, I noticed you have a picture of shirtless men on your facebook. Are they the people trapped in your basement? Also Tyson, I will be sure to tell all my black friends to add you, as well as your KKK friend. Hell I might add him, because I am Jewish.
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8:54 pm
By the way, to Adam and Stephenson, yes, “poke” does mean “anally intrude upon.” So, yeah, you’ve just joined a site that has a button dedicated to anal sex with any other person.
Have fun, sodomites!
Please, please, for the love of God, Billings, stop using this site as a personal complaint board.
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1:18 am
Not funny… I think poking just means to send a hello put I can’t find that option on my homepage.
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2:27 am
Well, “You’ve been poked by Stephenson Billings” is what people are going to see. Or possibly “Stephenson Billings poked you.”
Sounds straight-as-an-arrow to me, you gay-defending lord of Sodom.
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1:51 am
“Please, please, for the love of God, Billings, stop using this site as a personal complaint board.”
but isn’t that basicly what blogs are for?
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2:09 pm
ha! who would want to be friends with a constipated platypus like you anyway billings..?
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3:30 pm
Make sure to add me on there too guys!
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12:38 pm
Adam, I don’t know where you are on there. Can you message or email or whatver me?
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11:40 pm
“I love children and as a child counselor I am surrounded by them most Sundays, but is it right for me to be chatting with boys late at night across the wires of the internet?”
I totally read:
I love children and as a child MOLESTER I am surrounded by them most Sundays, but is it right for me to be chatting with boys late at night across the wires of the internet?
and then I lold
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1:47 am
This site is fake. Well, at least posting all of these copyrighted shit here will ensure that this site gets sued so far up its ass.
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2:57 am
Sadly this site is not fake. These journalists most likely believe what they write, which is a scary thought.
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3:05 am
I was at ends about the legitimacy of this site for a few minutes. I think I was certain it was fake when I read abes posts. I think the admins on this site should be angry at abe he is too unconvincing.
Great show by everyone else though.
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9:48 am
Copyrighted? I assure you all the writing on Christwire is 100% original.
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11:53 pm
dude, it means your a fucking loser faggot cause you went on facebook. well done
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3:57 pm
Only 14 friends? How anti-social. Pretty soon you will be wearing a black trenchcoat, shooting up heroin, and shooting up your school. This is so sad.
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12:30 am
You totally used it to hit on me. You said “If you were a few years older.”
Silly man.
I’m in a relationship.
That is totally bad manners to hit on someone in a relationship.
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2:56 am
So I lasted about a month on Face Book. Now I’ve been banned because I’m a Christian who dared criticize their liberal tactics… How pathetic. I just wish I had the forethought to save my emails. I had important information in there and all my friends will have no idea what’s happened to me…
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6:01 am
you broke multiple of the sites rules including but not limited to harashing people.
they were well within their rights to ban you. they made rules you broke them. end of discusion.
don’t make it seem like you are a victim. you can’t walk around and discriminate others then be offened when it’s your turn to be “discriminated” against.
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9:46 am
Who did I harass, Jazze? What rules did I break?
The funny thing is that people posted the worst things imaginable on my page. They emailed me hurtful and threatening notes. I got such animosity from people, I was shocked. Did any of them get bans for their language or threats? No… So I really don’t understand why they chose to violate my free speech. It is simply wrong and against the law.
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10:25 am
“Who did I harass, Jazze? What rules did I break?”
I recall you posting things like “you’re disgusting” on the walls of people you’d just friended as soon as you discovered that they were homosexual, transvestites, or other things that you didn’t agree with.
“The funny thing is that people posted the worst things imaginable on my page. They emailed me hurtful and threatening notes.”
That’s because you have a history of gay-bashing. Face it, writing article after article condemning homosexuals is going to come back to bite you in the ass. So don’t play Mr. Innocent here. How many different ways can I say it?
YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.
YOU SLEEP IN THE BED YOU MADE.
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU.
I also recall you bashing Jews several times on facebook. Unlike the private messages that myself and others exchanged back and forth with you (the “notes” as you like to call them) these comments were on PUBLIC pages.
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11:08 am
Claire, I never once said “you’re disgusting” unless it was somewhere far down the line in a personal conversation. You make it sound as if I friended people and that was the first thing I posted on their walls.
Also, I never said anything anti-Jewish. I spoke about Israel, yes, but that is an ongoing debate and many people take both sides. I was merely a tiny voice in a chorus questioning Israel’s activities in Palestine. Again, it was all very minor stuff.
Thirdly, I never once threatened or demeaned ANY transvestite. That is utterly, completely false.
Truth is, I may have been banned for simply quoting the Bible or commenting on Concerned Women for America or Focus on the Family’s pages… which would be ironic since we’re in the same boat together as Christians and pro-American patriots. Everyone else, even the liberal atheists, enjoyed our spirited debates.
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11:15 am
it seems you are on facebook again, why did you say you weren’t?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001366922231
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