• Welcome to Chinese Walmart

    May 22, 2010 8:01 pm 30 comments
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    Wal-mart is a once proud American company created by a good Christian man, the late Sam Walton.  Sam Walton wanted Wal-mart in every town, so American families can buy quality products at a good price.  He wanted to do his part in helping the pocketbook of every American family and bless him for what he has done.

    It is so sad that Wal-mart is now becoming a less moral place.  It is starting to allow non-quality products to slip through its bay doors onto the shelves and it even preys upon its humble employees and small towns.  It is becoming a typical corporation.  It is no wonder that it now has major Chinese shareholders and divisions.

    There are certain things they sell at Chinese Walmart that they don’t sell at proper Wal-mart in America, and we will now review these items to see what they are up to over in Communist China.

    1. Sea Water Crocodiles

  • Only last week did our good friend Amber Cooper warn us about how Chinese astronauts are eating live young puppies in space.  It sick and depraved!

    The Chinese are no strangers to eating improper animals and pets:  puppies, goldfish, monkeys and even an octopus!  That is just weird and sick.  Squid!  Yuck.

    So it is no surprise to see they take a mighty sea salt crocodile and try to make it is as normal as having a row of chickens or cut flank steak.  I would get sick and ask them why they are eating reptiles instead of leaving them in the bayou.

    2. Bulk Rice

    At first glance, this one is not very surprising. We all know the Chinese love to eat mounds and mounds of rice with awkward chop sticks.

    What you probably didn’t realize is just how much rice these Chinese consume. Every Chinese family has three people, a dad, a mom and a son. The daughters are usually given away or left as strays due to their weird laws. At any rate, each month a Chinese family can easily ate one of these rice barrels, which cost about 750 Yen each (or about $2.30 in our money).

  • 3. Chinese Mystery Meat

    I would be too scared to eat this.  It is called “mixed cuts” in their language, but that’s just a veil name like “mystery meat” is on some nasty school lunch menus.

    What is really ‘the meat’ is anyone’s guess and for a people who think it is normal to eat crocodiles, pets and then throw away your sweet daddy’s little girl, I just would not trust this meat and buy it.  If you are in China, it is probably safest to just go with the rice and it will save you money should you need an emergency plane or taxi.

  • 4. Orange Juice And Cooking Oil

    The American Chinese make some of the best food. Just open up your local Chinese delivery menu and order some take-out; it is all usually pretty good and healthy. My favorite is honey chicken, a side of steamed rice and beef with broccoli, with several crab rangoon for dessert.

    In Chinese dishes, they use cooking oil and often times a natural fruit juice or mist to add flavor. One of their secret recipes, passed on by their families, is the mixing of cooking oil with a hint of orange juice, which is why they sell these at combos at communist Walmart.

  • 5. Live Turtles

    And even though they can make nice things, we see that they also have no laws for animal cruelty. Here we see they have placed some nice turtles, as if they were some delicious lobsters waiting to get boiled.

    Turtles have a visible head and brain, so it is sad that Chinese boil these turtles alive to make soup and their whole family squeels with delight as the turtle flicks its little tongue and tries to hide in its shell while they boil it. My heart is heavy for the fate of the millions of turtles in Chinese Walmart.

    Turtles also carry the risk of salmonella, so they spray it down with harsh chemicals (given it skin burns) before just boiling it alive too. Such torture and animal rights violations.

  • 6. More Mystery Meat/Reptile ?

    Here we see the Chinese have gone out and caught a mound of reptiles, allowed their natives to shoot flamethrowers at them and then sell the remains as food at their local commiet Walmart.

    This is just disrespect for their people there and no human should be made to beg like stray, for tortured scraps they just mound onto the floor as if it is fit for buying and consumption.

  • 7. Chinese Beer ($0.15)

    The Chinese love to drink beer with their rice, so it is no surprise that for the price of 15 pennies, a Chinese can buy a bottle of whiskey. I always used to think it was a joke in the karate movies, how the drunk karate man could just have bottle after bottle of Satan’s nectar as if he could afford it on a communist house budget.

    But now we see that even the Chinese can afford beer at these prices and that is why it must be so common. I hope they just don’t drink themselves into reservations and not wanting to take care of their country like the Indians did, or we may just have to go over there and take care of them on reservations while we run the nation. It would be a sad shame but I would support us doing that to help those poor drunk savage.

  • 8. Rib Cages

    If they had these refrigerated, it would make Chinese Walmart pretty neat. For only about a dollar, you can buy an entire cage of spare ribs!

    I would buy 50 bottles of BBQ and invite everyone over for a feast!

    If they had store regulations and you could know this meat was safe, it would be really neat. So many ribs and a good price! Even in China, Walmart has really good deals and if this meat is safe, oh my! Feast!

  • 9. Assorted Dried Reptiles

    Here we see once more why I would not trust meat in China, no matter how enticing the price may be or what they claim it is. Here we see they are selling more reptile meat and you know that Satan is the father of reptiles (the Snake of Eden, the Dragon beast of Revelations).

    He likes it when people it the flesh of reptiles, because it can easily be infected with demons and cause possession. Maybe this is why so many Chinese choose to be communist and hate America?

  • 10. Beautiful Boxes Of Liquor

    I really do worry about the Chinese and their drinking problem. The Russians once used to be our greatest adversaries and chief tool of Satan. Alcohol aided in their downfall, along with the prayers of Pope John Paul II and the brilliance of President Ronald Reagan and his Star Wars program.

    The Chinese will be their own undoing and just like I said before, I bet they end up like the Indians and we have to take care of them and help them run their country by building our houses and businesses over there, to show them how it’s done and help them put the land to use.

  • 11. Frogs

    Frogs are an amphibian and I must confess, once as a child my uncle Joe made a dish of frog legs. They taste a bit like a chicken and only a bit more stringy, but very strong in how they hold flavor of spices and melted butter.

    Since dissecting so many through school though, I don’t have the stomach for them but I can see why the Chinese would want to ate their legs. They are not a bad high end cuisine and also these animals are amphibians, not reptiles, so Satan’s risk is not really there with these.

    I still do not approve of how they have these poor frogs captured and out to slaughter though, like they are some fresh catfish or lobster.

  • 12. A Large Selection Of Chopsticks

    This is just as surprising as the rice. Not at all. It’s just so awkward though. Who would want to use these instead of a fork and knife, so much easier to use and then you can even use a spoon if their are loose sauces to capture?  Very odd in some of their customs.

  • 13. Ducks

    This is another one of those displays that if our Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and National Food Council (NFC) could regulate and approve, I would buy these ducks at their price of only two dollars.

  • 14. Mystery Meat Granules

    No. No. And no.

  • 15. Piglet Faces

    Bacon is some of the best food on Earth. It is savory and makes sandwiches, chicken and soup taste many times better.

    That in no way means it is right to eat the face of a pig. It is pretty sick and yet we see in Chinese Walmart, people buy piglet face for their kids and then serve it for dinner.

  • 16. Antibacterial Bikini Underwear For Men

    Chinese anime pornography. Go figure. This is sick.

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    About The Author
    Abe If you don't like what you just read here you can just get out of my country. Now how about that smart-alack. Follow me on twitters. Poke me as your New Friend on Facebook!!

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