What Women Want
There was a movie, a few years ago, named What Women Want. It was a Mel Gibson flick that was supposed to be a look into the ‘mysterious and complex’ psyche of a woman, to reveal to everyone what they want.
Friends, believe me, the ‘psyche’ of a woman is anything but complex. Any casual reader of the Bible should know what women want within only several pages of reading: forbidden fruit and the glittery enticement offered by Satan or any guy with a Swiss bank account.
The daughters of Eve are enticed by two things: greed and lust. Observe:
Jenna Bentley Is In Love
I rest my case.
The gentleman is apparently a billionaire, and the woman, a Playboy house pet. Cute.
At the dawn of mankind, God created Adam to rule over Earth. God gave man natural dominion. Adam, perhaps foolishly, desired a mate. God does not approve of two men frolicking about naked in any condition, so therefore, he created Eve to appease Adam’s desire. Simple to follow so far.
The problem is that women are fickle, perhaps inherent to being created second and not as complete as mankind. Eve was immediately lead into sin by Satan, a thieving snake who, mind you, was out in a secluded garden, alone, with a naked Eve and whispering sinful thoughts into your ear.
Satan tempted Eve to eat forbidden fruit, and frankly, I would not be surprised to learn that he didn’t lead Eve into any sort of ‘other’ sins. Somehow along the way, Eve taught Adam about nudity and it’s not like they had the discovery channel.
Academic notions and debate aside, what women want is purely simple: the bait of Satan. Satan knows what bait to cast at women and this is why the Bible gives man such fervent authority to rule his family. The pictures above only further solidify the point.
Woman are lead into sin by various forms of greed. Feminists simply want attention. They are attention whores.
So are the majority of college girls. Why have they resorted to vajazzling their whispering eyes? The world wants an answer, and guess what, it is found in Genesis. Or, just take twenty steps in any mall and you’ll see it all around you.
Why do girls wear pants that advertise “Juicy” on the butt-cheeks. Why do they expose their midriffs and bared breasts at college parties? It is certainly not to help men focus on study groups or to invite everyone over for ice cream and trivial pursuit.
At any rate, I am sitting in an airport and getting ready to take off, but guess what, a woman just asked to fly next to me, because, and I quote, “Hey I’m in fashion and I like your Armani suit. It fits you really, really nicely (pause). We should sit next to each other”. I guess that’s what happens when you go cheap-o with SouthWest: in Los Angeles, apparently, your suit is your girl magnet.
Women. Fickle.
- Sinful
- Suspicious
- Scared
- Sad
- Amused
- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Derek Van Buren
8:48 am
“Why do girls where pants that advertise “Juicy” on the butt-cheeks. Why do they expose their midriffs and bared breasts at college parties?”
Granted, it seems as though the majority of teenage girls do those things, but not all of us do. I most certainly don’t. Oh, and it’s “wear”, not “where”. Everybody with a third grade education should know that “where” is used to denote location.
“The problem is that women are fickle, perhaps inherent to being created second and not as complete as mankind.”
Fickle? Lie. “Created” second? Lie. Incomplete? Lie.
“Academic notions and debate aside, what women want is purely simple: the bait of Satan.”
So in other words: “I’m not going to pay any attention to the countless hard facts and scientific proof, I’m going to go with what the bible says”.
“The pictures above only further solidify the point.”
If those three pictures (of the same people) are proof that women are fickle and greedy, then by the same token I can use this picture to prove that all men are hopeless drunks:
“Feminists simply want attention.”
Your asshole must be incredibly sore from you constantly sticking your hand up there and pulling out these ridiculous notions. Feminists want equality. If we simply wanted attention, there are plenty of other things that we could do to get it.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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12:10 am
You do realize nelson that the entire process was to make things better right? So women came second why? oh yeah….CAUSE THEY WERE “FIXED” versions of man. Get over your self brah.
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12:17 pm
you seee women are second class citizens and dont go farr from the stove they are the small feet for close to oven.and dishes.
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2:15 pm
Wow. Dude, are you serious? They have small feet because When they were thought up on how to fix a man, whatever god you praise, says ” Man’s feet are too big. Let’s make womens feet smaller.” It was a natural solution to a simple problem. And I was wondering how closely related you are too Abe. I mean, you must come from a pretty backwater place if you can’t cook for yourself.
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9:05 am
“Any casual reader of the Bible should know what women want within only several pages of reading: forbidden fruit and the glittery enticement offered by Satan or any guy with a Swiss bank account.”
Can you please cite where in the Bible Swiss bank accounts are mentioned?
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10:16 am
and all men wants is to be good men of god. that obviously means fighting, hurting and most importantly murdering people.
you provided no proof what so ever and therefor your entire argument is invalid.
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11:57 am
“Woman are lead into sin by various forms of greed. Feminists simply want attention. They are attention whores.”
First of all, proper grammar would be WOMEN are, genius. Secondly, of course feminists want attention. How else are they going to get people to listen to them, and change society? That’s what all activists want. What about you? If you didn’t want attention, you wouldn’t be posting these stupid articles so that people would come look at how stupid you are and say something about it. That’s also what trolls like yourself want, is attention. Well, I pity you, guy. Are you happy that I’ve wasted precious time out of my life to comment on your utterly retarded article?
“Why do girls wear pants that advertise “Juicy” on the butt-cheeks. Why do they expose their midriffs and bared breasts at college parties? It is certainly not to help men focus on study groups or to invite everyone over for ice cream and trivial pursuit.”
Um, for one, not all women do this. Only some. And personally, I think if that’s what someone wants, and there are plenty of other people who want to do it with them, why not? As long as they’re not bothering the people who don’t. But news flash, guys do this kinda stuff too. And if guys are such the stone hard solid resistors of temptation that you claim them to be, then there shouldn’t be a problem, should there?
“At any rate, I am sitting in an airport and getting ready to take off, but guess what, a woman just asked to fly next to me, because, and I quote, “Hey I’m in fashion and I like your Armani suit. It fits you really, really nicely (pause). We should sit next to each other”. I guess that’s what happens when you go cheap-o with SouthWest: in Los Angeles, apparently, your suit is your girl magnet.”
I refuse to believe ANY girl (or guy) would ever come on to you… And if she did, I’ll be laughing when you rape her in the ass. xD
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12:24 pm
“At any rate, I am sitting in an airport and getting ready to take off, but guess what, a woman just asked to fly next to me, because, and I quote, “Hey I’m in fashion and I like your Armani suit. It fits you really, really nicely (pause). We should sit next to each other”. I guess that’s what happens when you go cheap-o with SouthWest: in Los Angeles, apparently, your suit is your girl magnet.”
I didn’t know being a girl magnet was a bad thing.
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2:44 am
well religious people are Gay and pedophile so They are against woman
but if you want My opinion about women I think they are by their side not Under or Over just by the side of woman because without their help we are incomplete without our help they are Incomplete as well it’s how society works Not about :L stay in the kitchen whore its sound retarded and Untrue
Many men actually are good cook and can cook
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1:11 pm
there is no god!
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4:59 pm
You do realise that every female member or visitor to this site will be more than glad to pound you to death with your book of fairy-stories that you love so much? Me included.
This is sick and wrong to condemn half the population of the earth based on a book written two thousand years ago.
What women really want is freedom and equality and until you and your kind are removed from the face of the earth we will never truly have that fundamental right.
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11:40 pm
What a mean spirited lesbian. Is “Bob” short for “Roberta”?
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2:08 am
‘Bob’ is short for ‘No Pervert-is-Going-to-Know-My-Name-As-Anything-Other-Than-Bob’
Also, how am I mean spirited? I just pointed out that you are preventing gender equality with your pathetic rants. Although no one ever goes to this site other than to laugh at you so it really doesn’t matter that much.
—BobTheChairGuy
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1:01 pm
So true. Honesty and everything rcgeonzied.
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10:11 pm
I know everything that I do is related to penis envy.
Pfff.
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3:03 am
Wow! I’ve been a Christian for nearly my entire life, but after reading your article, I JUST CONVERTED TO ATHEISM!
I had NO idea that the Bible was so full of bogus accounts like those you have stated above. Thank God that are satirical non-believers like you in this world to open up the eyes of America and usher in a new age based on true scientific reasoning!
Looking back, I can’t believe I was so stupid! Spiritual practices have been an important part of culture since the dawn of humankind, but thank God we can now look back from our enlightened age to see how foolish the ancients were!
I just want to thank all of you at ChristWire for finally enlightening me with the absolute truth of atheism through your satirical portrayal of a faith many non-believers know nothing about. I am so grateful to have realized, in my old age, that humans truly are NOTHING but essentially worthless bag of chemicals. Let there be no more scientific research into the matter, ATHEISM has been the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIGHT ALL ALONG!
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3:33 pm
You converted your religious belief because of an internet article by some no-name? You’re one deep individual. We need more people like you in society. Maybe you will hate black people tomorrow because you lost a game of Twister on “Right foot, Black”. Besides that, you went from Christian to Athiest. You didn’t even make the stopover to Agnostic. You are just saying that God doesn’t exist after years of believing in him because some random guy on the internet bashes women.
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11:25 am
You do realize that Eve being fashioned from Adam’s rib — not the head, not the foot — symbolized equality, right?
That since God is Trinitarian, not even He exists alone; and in creating Man as God-like as possible would not allow him to exist in solitude – not solely to “appease Adam”?
That the perpetuation of the human race wouldn’t be possible without wombs and eggs and all the other things the “sinful” woman brings?
That nakedness was *realized*, not “taught”?
That God’s not a big fan of bigotry, blasphemy, and crappy logic?
Cherry pick the Bible all you want, and keep click-click-clicking about your misunderstandings of Christianity (which, you know, is between you + the big JC, who I imagine to be non-too-happy with this blog); but Mr. Dudeface: before you start spouting off about the evils of humankind (any second grader knows this isn’t just a Femme issue), punch yourself in the Seed Shooter, lest you be tempted to procreate with one of these “fickle” “bait of Satan”-wanting “attention whores”.
Oh – and have a blessed day!
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11:44 am
So I’m going to take a wild guess and say your love life hasn’t worked out to well? If you hate women so much, go ahead and date a man (women wont miss you, I guarantee it). Apparently, from what I’m reading, you have either been rejected too many times or you simply crave a dick in your ass. Obviously, women (read correct grammatical use of plural form) are going to take offense to what you have written because NONE of it is backed up with empirical facts. Jesus was kind to Mary Magdelene. If you want to live as Christ-like as possible, notice that Jesus never hated or criticized. There is honestly nothing more to it. Live, and let live, buddy! And, for the sake of all of us, please get your high school diploma, forgive the girl who cheated on you, and try to calm down.
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12:20 pm
God created Eve because “it is not good for man to be alone”. And it was Adam took the apple, too. I fully understand you will never change your mind, I mostly just want women who stumble on this site to understand this in not the Christian perspective. Jesus loved and respected the women in his life who helped Him in His ministry. It’s all about love. God looked at His entire creation and said that “it is good”.
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2:20 pm
Adam thought he could trust her, yet he was betrayed.
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12:34 pm
I would first like to point out that out of the millions of people who have a facebook, only 14 have liked this article. Apparently making this article not the majority opinion on women.
Ok, I’m not going to lie. Woman like attention, especially from men; only some women try to grab this attention the easy way. Men are at the fault here due to they give us this attention from dressing like sluts, and some women will take what they can get because they are naive and commonly have low self-esteem issues. Yes, there are skanks in our society, but not every woman wears booty shorts and tiny shirts. If you make that assumption I can make the assumption that every man wears wife beaters and wears his pants tied around his knees with a ball cap on backwards.
There are men who are low-lives, just as there are women who are low-lives.
Oh and by the way, writing an article that is controversial, and using the bible to support your sexist ideal just SCREAMMMMSSS attention whore. Just thought I would let you know.
You better thank God Almighty that you were big enough of a coward to post your gibberish online instead of preach it in public, because I would have decked you in a heart beat. Thank you so much you white supremacist male for your enlightening insight into the mind of a douchebag. I now know there are bigger idiots out there than the brilliant minds of our upcoming generation. They still have hope if they can manage to at least be a better bull-shitter than you.
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1:22 pm
Hilariously, the Bible actually says nothing about the Snake being Satan. John Milton, the 15th century English poet, wrote an epic called “Paradise Lost” in which Satan takes over the body of the Snake to whisper into Eve’s ear.
Someone seems to have gotten his theology from fiction!
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1:26 pm
Yet, already 20,000 people on Facebook realize college girls are vajazzling to try to trap us guys into marriage.
http://christwire.org/2010/03/vajazzling-the-newest-threat-to-your-college-son/
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2:19 pm
Well, if that is the case, then I say let it begin. I will admit it seems kinda sad that they survive on good looks or sexual referencing, but more power to ‘em. But as for myself, you gotta be your own person. Smart, be able to laugh, and not a whole shitload of drama. But if you wanna “vajazzle”, go for it.
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1:25 pm
Yet, already over 20,000 people on Facebook realize that college girls are vajazzling to try to trap us into marriage.
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2:09 pm
Oh no! Marriage! That’s the work of Satan, not a holy sacrament in God!
And you call yourself a Christian. Dipshit.
—BobTheChairGuy
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1:53 pm
You’re making Christians looks like sexist bigots. Please stop writing.
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4:24 pm
It’s time for a pointless comment!
“At the dawn of mankind, God created Adam to rule over Earth. God gave man natural dominion. Adam, perhaps foolishly, desired a mate. God does not approve of two men frolicking about naked in any condition, so therefore, he created Eve to appease Adam’s desire. Simple to follow so far.”
So, Adam was the first man created, I get that right? Well, how could he possibly be “frolicking” with another man? He was ALONE. Moreover, does this means Adam was bi-curious? That would be so lovely.
“Satan tempted Eve to eat forbidden fruit, and frankly, I would not be surprised to learn that he didn’t lead Eve into any sort of ‘other’ sins. Somehow along the way, Eve taught Adam about nudity and it’s not like they had the discovery channel.”
Man, in what world do you live? I don’t know for you, but I’m born pretty much as everyone around here, and that’s not by coming out of a flower or whatever. And it’s not like they had any priest back then to marry them.
Well, I could go on for a long time. The point is, you should try the real life some times, it’s not that bad. Religion is a good thing in a certain extent. You push it to the limits, that’s called extremism.
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4:48 pm
“Academic notions and debate aside, what women want is purely simple: the bait of Satan.”
Oh yes this is exactly what women want. If you are righting this much of a sexist response about women, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were rejected many times in the past. For you to categorize a gender into one lump sump, you are most likely a racist too and definitely not a true christian. God made women. Women weren’t asked to be born. I’m 15 years old and I can see right through you.
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9:15 pm
unsuccessful troll is unsuccessful
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5:55 am
Derek, you and this article are a waste of space.
Your misogynist descriptions ooze somebody who cannot cope with their own confused sexuality. The last part especially – only the most pathetic and insecure man would brag about being hit on and then in a round about way calling the woman a slut.
Anyway, I though I should post this to let you know your blog is doing to the rounds on facebook in Australia as part-joke, partly for shock value about how foul you are.
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