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World of Warcraft to Release Justin Bieber Expansion in August
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One of the most dangerous threats to our children, nationwide, is a new game named World of Warcraft.
Studies into this game reveals how it is designed to introduce children to black magic and death cults. The game is designed to be as addictive as cocaine.
Last year we worked with The Daily Mail to break a story on how by triggering the addiction-pleasure centers of the brain, World of Warcraft caused an addicted teenager to have convulsions and a near-death seizure after he could not stop playing the game over a 24-hour-period.
This game is dangerous and is contributing to the failing number of men reaching collegiate level of studies. World of Warcraft’s only weakness, however, has been on ongoing struggle to attract female video game player to buy into its platform. It would seem that females would tend to shy away from the type of men who succumb to the sweaty, sloven World of Warcraft lifestyle.
So it should come as no surprise that Justin Bieber’s marketing executives have taken notice of this game and made an offer that Blizzard, the parent company of World of Warcraft, cannot refuse: attract girl gamers.
Justin Bieber has proven his merit as one who can team up with urban singers to produce music that seduces young girls. This is the greatest dream of San Francisco liberals and Hollywood executives, and now apparently, Blizzard.
The new expansion will allegedly feature songs by Justin Bieber and a way to unlock him as a character. Producers from Blizzard speculate that by offering in-game items and starting grassroot “Biebercraft” communities, that potential girl gamers will buy into their markets.
This is a train-wreck waiting to happen: the meeting of the sick men who stay cooped in basements playing this game for hours on end, and fresh daughters who play this game after school and being able to Myspace chat to each other online. This will lead to child abductions and Blizzardcon orgy abductions that Pastor Gould warned about.
Let us place Biebercraft expansion on our boycott list and in the coming days, we will organize an official petition for you to sign so this game will not be released.
8:28 pm
This a parody website, isn’t it. I can tell from seeing many parody websites in my day.
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9:19 am
I discovered this gem of a site yesterday and haven’t been able to stop laughing since. I’m waiting to find out if secretly a side project of TheOnion.com or a hoax like banzai cats
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2:02 pm
actually i don’t think this is a parody website…
and i also don’t think terrorists who visist this site by accident would think this is a parody
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4:34 am
Did you read this article? Justin Bieber is not related to Warcraft in any way. In fact the image they took from another website was saying that video games outperformed music in amount of money made last quarter. It’s satire, a hoax. Scathing, yes. But also quit funny.
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8:49 pm
Considering that Justin Bieber is fastly growing to be one of the most hated boys on the internet (almost as hated as Twilight) I highly doubt Blizzard would ever make such a foolish move. And how could he be incorporated anyways. Warcraft is filled with grind, which is not conductive to over excited girls. So this writer need never fear for the young women of america. If this is not a parody site than I fear for my fellow christians. This author in a previous story accused the chinese of attacking Hawaii, which as we all know was the japanese. As for people being unable to stop playing WoW, its called addiction. These are the people are the same people who would get addicted to achohal, cigerettes, and ect. They would be addicted no matter what, its just that WoW is the latest crack.
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8:32 pm
WHAT?
You need to go look up what “photoshopping” and “joke” mean. Because World of Warcraft is a game geared toward teamwork, fantasy, and fun. Not annoying little kids singing. This was a joke image posted to make fun of his success.
Blizzard would have nothing to do with Justin Bieber – They’re a successful company who has lead the MMO industry for years. Justin Bieber is another singer who will have a short lived career – Just like Hanson, just like Nsync, Just like Backstreet Boys.
But far be it from anyone to state the facts. WoW, like everything, is good in moderation.
You guys are absolutely hilarious. When this doesn’t happen, you’re going to look like the biggest idiot out there in the eyes of anyone who reads this.
You’re nothing but Christian themed tabloids.
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8:40 pm
Amber,
LEt me be the first to tell you that
A) You are an idiot.
B) You have no idea how to Cite anything
“Producers from Blizzard speculate that by offering in-game items and starting grassroot “Biebercraft” communities, that potential girl gamers will buy into their markets.” PROVE IT!
C) You are still an idiot
D) I’m 25 years old, married, in the USAF, live a healthy life, and Play World of Warcraft…so how do I fit the “sick men who stay cooped in basements playing this game for hours on end” profile?
E) You guessed it…you are an idiot.
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6:32 pm
u mad?
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4:35 am
These are jokes. Like the Onion. It’s not serious.
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9:08 pm
Trolling Troll is Trolling
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9:09 pm
World of Warcraft is dangerous , stop to involve in it. WGT WoW-Gold-Team is a famous online games gold facilitator, and you can Get wow gold safest here.
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9:09 pm
Where were all of your comments when a kid had a seizure and died last year from this game. You are all glam liberals and heartless, and to think they’ve found a way to corner the female market with this game sends shivers up my spine.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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9:14 pm
Chances are that kid was epileptic and shouldn’t have been playing the game in the first place.
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10:03 pm
Children who are prone to have seizures are advised to avoid driving cars, watching TVs, attending parties, and anything else that POTENTIALLY involves intense visual stimuli and high-pitched noises which can trigger a seizure. That falls squarely in the lap of the parents.
You’re terrible at this debate thing.
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12:56 pm
World of Warcraft has sold over 9 million copy’s. one kid having a seizer is BOUND to happen. there is no stopping it, why don’t you guys bash on Halo about this kind of problem? its no different!
this article made me laugh.
yall are paranoid freaks that are trying to find excuses to keep your children away from video games. well ill tell you what, its not obsession, its boredom. your better off teaching them self control rather than telling them WoW is bad. have you ever heard of rebellion? its quite common in teenage years, who knows, you just be making it worse.
I am a Christian child, i support my Jesus, and i listen to him. but seriously, its just a game.
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6:15 pm
I’m 53, A grandmother of 7, college educated, well-read, probably know the Bible better than most, and I play WoW probably nightly. Of my 4 grown kids, 3 of them WoW as do two of their spouses (the 3rd is unmarried). I collect stuff from WoW because it interests me.
I’m not living in my parent’s basement, my husband (54, working a good, well-paying job) also plays. For us, it’s a family thing where we can all talk and work together for awhile of just get-away.
Justin Bieber? He’s too busy dating Kim Kardasian. Creepy.
Cataclysm is the next expansion, I have my Special Collections Edition on order through the game shop near me. It’s $80.00 and will be released, according to the game shop, on November 2.
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9:24 pm
lets start first amber darling : first WoW is not a NEW GAME
second the new expansion is CATACLYSM yet the photoshopping ya see is a Joke
as for the “lead in MMO industry of one of the commenter I disagree” but it,s Only an opinion
as for Witchcraft its not prayer some sort of witchcraft ???
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9:28 pm
And what about this one where the boy goes into a Satanic rage after his parents took away warcraft?
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YersIyzsOpc&feature=player_embedded
http://christwire.org/2009/06/world-of-warcraft-is-evil-boy-goes-insane-after-parents-cancel-account/
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9:37 pm
So anything that a teen throws a fit over means that they go into a “Satanic Rage?” I love the way you pose arguments. You pick an isolated incident and exploit it to prove your point. I may troll on a jesus freak website…..but you my friend troll all over the world. Classic video though…so funny.
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11:08 pm
You people are so fucking stupid it’s hilarious.
JOKE. FAKE. NOT REAL.
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8:23 pm
I really can’t tell if this website is real or fake, but it’s hilarious.
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10:36 pm
nya~ it’s a joke website, thus says wikipedia
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10:12 pm
Wow, completely wrong facts. Cataclysm is in no way associated with Justin Pussy Beiber (yes that’s his middle name).
“Studies into this game reveals how it is designed to introduce children to black magic and death cults. The game is designed to be as addictive as cocaine. ”
No, they don’t.
The game is designed to be fn, not addicting. As long as you pay the monthy fee, Blizzard doesn’t care what you do with the game.
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11:47 pm
I AGREE WITH YOU, AMBER, TOTALLY! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK. IGNORE OTHER COMMENTS!
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12:57 am
Justin Bieber is way over rated. He needs to a hair cut that doesn’t look like it was done by his mom.
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1:12 am
YALL BE POSTIN ON A TROLL SIGHT. DEMS BE THE BIGGEST TROLLS OF THE WORLD.
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3:33 am
“Studies into this game reveals how it is designed to introduce children to black magic and death cults. The game is designed to be as addictive as cocaine. ”
maybe but those studies were made by people who have never been anywhere near the game.
btw i think it’s stime to reveale the results of the studies of christians. they show that christians scarefice their kids(or when in lack of one a goat) to god every sunday, that every christioan on avareage have killed 21 people in execivly painful ways and that ther avarage IQ is 8.
“World of Warcraft’s only weakness, however, has been on ongoing struggle to attract female video game player to buy into its platform.”
it actualy have one of the biggest female player bases of any game.
“The new expansion will allegedly feature songs by Justin Bieber and a way to unlock him as a character.”
there is no charecter unlocking in wow. you just proved you have no idea what you are talking about.
maybe you’d like ti cite some sources?
about that kid well an y parents who let a kid play a game for 24 hours and the problem is not the game but the horrible parents.
a parent who can’t keep a kid under the needed control to make sure they get sleep and food and whatever else they need are not fit to have a child. end of discusion. further more wow is not the root of the problem it’s a symtom in the case of an adiction. wow adiction comes form an adictive personality.
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5:48 am
This site entertains me to no end. I will be finding a way to mail the staff all deluxe dildos ASAP.
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5:52 am
Hey, “Amber” – Ever heard of Copyright Law? I’ll hope Blizzard’s (or Beiber’s, for shits and giggles) attorneys shall speak with you on this subject promptly.
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12:42 pm
People overestimate Warcraft’s addictiveness, anyway. I play it, but I have a life too.
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1:01 pm
Me either
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1:16 pm
this is a joke website, none of these articles are real, calm the fuck down
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1:19 pm
Amber must be laughing so hard right now, she successfully trolled so many people just now! I can feel the nerd-rage. The very first sign you’re getting trolled is the first line… A 5 year old game is new? Taking this post seriously is like believing that Pacman promotes the occult because it has ghosts in it…
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1:24 pm
Do we have a petition to sign yet? I cannot stand this Bieber or WoW, so it will be a two birds with one stone scenario.
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5:52 pm
IM A SATANIST…RAWR!
First off as a satanist i’d like you to stop using my name in your articles. I have no association with this so-called wow game…so cut it out.
Me and my organization dont like people that throw our name around willy-nilly.
oh…and your an idiot
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5:00 pm
One of the best “news” this year, this is so funny , great satire
may god bless you
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7:01 pm
Amazing, first Wow is not going to include songs of a teen idol into their new expansion pack. There is enough music on the game no one listens to already. Yes I am a WoW player. Is it addictive, sure it is just like any game at firt. So lets talk about the stories.
First the boy throwing a fit, come on. How fake a fit can you get, those of us who have teenage boys first know that is not how they throw fits. Punch walls, throw things, beat up the young man who just came out of their room after touching their stuff, yep. Get under the covers and start taking their close off not at all.It was a set up amber, you should have caught that one.
Secondly the boy who went into convulsions was found to have consumed mass quantities of an energy drink to stay awake over vacation and play WoW. So now who is to blame, the fact that his parents actually allowed him to purchase mass quantities of the energy drink and didn’t check on him for 24 hours to see if he was ok, or a game. I vote for the parents who didn’t check on their son in a 24 hour period.
Girls on WoW. Many girls and women actually play WoW, it has the largest in fact of all games. Why? not because some lil teen idol promised to sing a song or to be playing WoW, no because their is a story line and there are more things to do then just get into fights.
Teaching kids to learn witchcraft or anything else of the kind. You have got to be kidding me. Love it when a so called group pulls this card out. I want to know where all the so called spells are located, because unless you are some kind of magic user you can’t even use them, plus you never get to see the spell , you just get to hit a button.
Well enough of that, was funny to read some of your posts though. Great Gags guys, but get the facts straight.
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10:33 am
Omg The Justin Bieber expansion is coming out????? Oh em gee, everyone has to add me once they get it, my name will be Ijackofftojustinbieber, so yeah add me, my character will look like = microphone sword, blond haired, and I will be a shorty so yeah let’s go play.
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10:21 pm
its fucking fake stupid ass satan worshipers
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11:34 pm
This is the biggest load of shat I’ve read in my 4hours of commenting on the WoW stuff… You cannot unlock charactors let alone Justin. Plus him/her singing won’t fit into the game and Amber is being a bitch for photoshopping him in there saying itll atract girls on the game.
Rain70mg@aol.com In all seriousness email me any combacks or replys if im wrong.
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10:59 pm
There is absolutely no way that this is not a joke. Wow.
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12:34 am
Um… actually their is a class you have to unlock. Death Knight – you have to have a toon on your account that is level 55 or higher before you can roll a DK. WTS fact-checker?
As for Justin Bieber… if Blizz did anything like what you’re mentioning, they would lose about 90% of their player base.
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1:11 am
NOOOOOOOOOO!!! GET OUTTA HERE WITH THAT CRAP! LAY OFF THE POOR GAMERS, WILL YA?!? SHEEEESH! YOU’RE A CREEP! GO AWAY! WE WERE ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME HERE ON THE INTERNET UNTIL YOU SHOWED UP! UUUUUUUUGH! GO HAVE A COFFEE, WITH CREAM OR SOMETHING! BECAUSE I’LL TELL YOU SOMETHING: THIS. IS. A. HAPPY PLACE!!
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9:03 pm
Haha, I’m a girl who plays wow, and personally if they added justin to wow i’d quit like right on the spot lol.
But the article was amusing = ]
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12:11 pm
I give good odds that their is a Bieber Easter egg in Cataclysm.
On an unrelated note, Poe’s law sucks.
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12:53 am
WOW when is the article for cata guna come out? I imagine it now… “WOW CATA is a new change in direction for wow, you now must kill cats. You can also throw lady gagas soul into hell with jesus as an unlockable character to pray to every night. You must go to church to “level up” your christanlyness and smite heathens (muslims and Obama supporters).” Yah, something like that.
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9:25 pm
Oh man this is an amazingly good joke website! I have to admit I’ve fallen for many of the articles here! I actually believed for a moment these were genuine articles!
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