Chinese Scientists Create Bionic Cat
China is a country of burgeoning doom and despair. A vile creature of lore that bides its time before arising again to attack all things innocent in its dread path of torment and destruction.
As any sensible person, I am extremely terrified of Chinese people. This feeling does not make you racist but rather, perceptive to the menacing threat that is represented by the antics of this communist nation.
China’s true goal is world domination, and their latest endeavor to realizing that end is the creation of bionic animals.
The latest creature created by the crafty hands of Chinese scientists is a cyborg cat. The cat has been implanted with bionic legs, which gives it the strength and agility of 20 cats stacked. Insider reports also have found evidence that Chinese scientists have devised a way to control the actions of the cat, making it an unsuspecting soldier with unprecedented strength, stealth and jumping ability.
The random cat you see in the ally could be a conscripted soldier in the People’s Communist Army of China. The following surveillance footage was taken in a Chinese staging ground, where they allegedly run these cats through war games of breaking into the homes of civilian Americans.
In this trial, it appears they have a cat breaking into a mock site made to look like a normal American kitchen or restroom.
There is now way we can fight against this technology without calling for the extermination of every cat in America. If this threat turns out to be real, it would require such action for our safety.
The situation the Chinese would create by sneaking their new soldiers here, or having their sleeper agents create bionic China cats, is a catch-22. If we order the euthanization of all cats, we will be safe from another Chinese threat. The flip-side is that other vermin, such as mice and rats, would see a sharp increase as they loose a predator.
This leaves the only other option as a declaration of war upon China should we see an increase in cat violence versus Americans. We now know the source and Chinese scientists must know we are onto their latest agenda.
- Sinful
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- Laughing Out Loud
Author: Amber
Amber <3's you and someone else does too!
3:30 pm
This leaves the only other option as a declaration of war upon China should we see an increase in cat violence versus Americans.
good Luck starting wars and finding the excuse : because we have cats in USA ” you rreally thing the UN and Nato will follow you on that they will think you are crazy and might side on chinese and you will Lose wars
on another note you world “economy is owned by China” so it’s actually Impossible to wages wars against them
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4:18 pm
Being afraid of Chinese people, part of being xenophobic, not only means that you are afraid of members of your own species, but you are a pathetic moron who will burn in hell. That’s you, Amber (aka Dipsh*t). As China has an “agenda” to advance in many fields, America has an “agenda” to become obese.
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5:18 pm
erm.. I’m really trying not to do this too often, as it spoils the fun for new people who ‘get’ this site (like I was once), but every now and then I feel I must point out.. *cough* THIS SITE IS SATIRE/PARODY – I love you guys for your responses, but.. y’know… SHARPEN UP!!!
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7:25 pm
Yes, I agree that this site is clearly satire; however, it is a great place to let out one’s anger in the form of logical responses. P.S., I’m bored…
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4:32 pm
That’s prejudice to say Americans in general have an agenda to be obese, Science.
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5:33 pm
Oh, yes. Imagine what it would be like if anyone was prejudiced around here…
Eejit.
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9:11 pm
care to explain that statement? it is easily proveable that americans in general is getting more and more obesse but we can be predejus against your for it. but you can be it against chinese with out haveing any proff what so ever to back up your claims?
he may be predejus but at least he’s not a hypocrit.
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7:09 pm
it’s was in 2006 I think that medical record showed the increase of around 60% of obese people
weird enough the Non obese one is the asian and black people ( well of coruse there is fat black people and fat asian people but you know it’s not general compared to Obese white american people)
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4:55 pm
It looks like the cat lost its legs and got prosthetic ones… bitch
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5:48 pm
China has nothing to do with this. The surgery was performed in London by an English veterinarian, Noel Fitzpatrick. The same sort of device was used to help a woman wounded in the 2005 London subway bombings.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100625/sc_afp/britainhealthcat;_ylt=Aq0Oscgo_xlxXbxSPpA3hX6s0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTJlZTh2ZHBxBGFzc2V0A2FmcC8yMDEwMDYyNS9icml0YWluaGVhbHRoY2F0BHBvcwM2BHNlYwN5bl9tb3N0X3BvcHVsYXIEc2xrA2FtcHV0ZWVjYXRnZQ–
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8:48 pm
Good work claire ( well I knew its was not chinese and was more like prothesis)
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9:18 pm
“As any sensible person, I am extremely terrified of Chinese people. This feeling does not make you racist but rather, perceptive to the menacing threat that is represented by the antics of this communist nation.”
ehmmm no. that still means you are racist. you base the idea that they are a threath soley on their race. that is raceism. wether you want to admit it or not.
“The situation the Chinese would create by sneaking their new soldiers here, or having their sleeper agents create bionic China cats, is a catch-22.”
you clearly have no idea what a catch 22 is. it’s a a situation where you want something you can only get by not wanting it.
in this case this would mean you can only solve this “problem” if you don’t want it to be solved. or is that your problem?
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2:07 pm
ummmm amber?? you.. are… CRAZYY!
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3:03 pm
Simple. Just kill every cat. I’ll be more than glad to help.
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6:51 pm
You come anywhere near a cat and it’ll be the last thing you do. Mark my words.
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7:35 pm
Why? Are u gonna cut off his dick? So then hes like AWWWWWW MY DICK! and then the cats start danceing with funny hats and pee on his clothes.
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7:21 am
christians are a threath to us. should we solve that problem by killing all of you? aparently you belive i have the right to.
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3:24 pm
I should Kill all fundamentalist christian redneck is it the same no ?
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4:04 pm
it isnt the same cuz there worse than cats
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4:26 pm
true they are the worst plague than Mankind might have faced in History christian zealot
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7:03 pm
Stupid Amber. This cat was saved in England. A machine broke his legs and the cat’s masters wanted to save him. It’s a great techology, even if it’s a lot expansive because it’s not popular yet. And I agree with that more than the euthanization. And you are SO terrified by the chiense people that you see them EVERYWHERE! So it’s not Chinese who did that.
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9:09 am
Amber, Amber, Amber. Poor poor you
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2:11 pm
This entire article is bull shit. That is picture of the BRITISH cat named Oscar who lost his hind legs to a combine harvester accident and was taking in and given bionic legs by BRITISH veterinarian Noel Fitzpatrick. Oscar does NOT have “supercat” strength, he’s not even fully healed and continues walking with an awkward gait. He is surrounded by toilet paper because that was his first time ever walking on his new legs and it was there to provide comfort/cushion should he not be fully capable of maneuvering on his bionic legs.
Commandent #9: You shall not bear false testament against your neighbor.
If you really care about the kingdom of god, stop lying. Stop hating. Be truthful, and love. Simple as that.
“This leaves the only other option as a declaration of war upon China should we see an increase in cat violence versus Americans. We now know the source and Chinese scientists must know we are onto their latest agenda.”
Are you fricken serious? Get over your self and actually practice what you preach.
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5:23 pm
Was Jessus a kat or a Chineseses?.. No! (well not a kat anyway) so what does you know you molesterers..? (I swear if no-one gets this one I’m giving up on the USA full time!))
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12:33 pm
There is a third option, kill all kats and chineseses.
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4:29 pm
Amber, I’m just wondering if we need to check you into a mental hospital?
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5:27 pm
Perhaps some of the respondents should check in too, it depends if the ‘mental hospital’ treats people with ‘Irony/Parody-Deficit-Disorder’ or IPDD. Symptoms include a tight ass, lack of sense of humour, and a burgeoning and overwhelming sense of self-righteousness – aim it somewhere else people!!!
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7:37 pm
Why state the obvious, imbecile? Just because I posted this does not imply that I have not recognized the satire-based characteristics of this site. I am a skeptic and this site shows large quantities of evidence supporting a theory that this site is indeed satire. I’m just a fifteen year old who had nothing better to do. Please, calm down. -Science
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6:03 pm
hee-hee, I know!
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7:18 pm
Any progress on this yet? At any rate, as I was leaving the hospital yesterday, I found a big cat and several kittens by the dumpster between a diner and the parking lot. I decided to take them home so I could screen them and make sure they weren’t sick and had a cooler place to relax from the humidity until morning.
I wrapped the kittens in a blanket and grabbed the mom cat too and made them a cot in my garage, and fed the mom cat too. They all seemed alright and not a diseased threat, so I called animal control today to come get them, just in case and by now I’m sure they’ve put the vermin down. You can just never be too sure and I’ll make sure to keep reporting these strays in to animal control.
I encourage everyone to do the same just because one, cats when too many are major vermin and also they can carry disease and spread it. If you have a trained background in science, it is good to screen these animals in a safe place so when the city workers come to take them away to put them out of their misery in the morning, they are not walking into an unknown situation and get bit by a diseased beast.
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9:42 pm
“At any rate, as I was leaving the hospital yesterday”
Ah, another day of killing patients? Or were you the patient, having landed in the hospital after someone attempted to take hedge-clippers to your balls?
“I decided to take them home so I could screen them and make sure they weren’t sick and had a cooler place to relax from the humidity until morning.”
Oh, wasn’t that sweet, giving those poor cats a false sense of kindness only to have an ACO come and get them under the pretense of having them killed. You’re a sick fuck, you know that? I hope that when you get kidnapped by a serial killer he treats you like a king right before he swings the axe.
“cats when too many are major vermin and also they can carry disease and spread it.”
1. Cats are not vermin. Maybe in your sick, twisted little town they are, but not where the rest of us live.
2. Humans carry disease too, dipshit. You know all those signs outside patients’ doors in the hospital, that say “Precautions”? Well, they’re there for a reason. Chances are said patient has MRSA, C-diff, or some other contagious disease. I suppose we should just put those patients down, huh?
“If you have a trained background in science”
Which you clearly don’t, Mr. “god created the world in 7 days”.
“it is good to screen these animals in a safe place so when the city workers come to take them away to put them out of their misery in the morning, they are not walking into an unknown situation and get bit by a diseased beast.”
Wow, you are officially retarded. Heaven forbid an ACO who’s actually TRAINED to deal with potentially diseased animals come into contact with one. What you’re doing is just what you’re NOT supposed to do. If you suspect an animal is diseased, you DON’T TOUCH IT. You call Animal Control ASAP and THEY will come with the cat gloves, cages, poles, and other necessary equipment to remove the animal from the premises. And if they do get bitten, that’s why ACOs (at least where I live) are required to have PRE-exposure rabies shots so that they can just get a booster if they come into contact with the saliva of a suspected rabid animal. In your case, however, you’d have to go through the very painful series of POST-exposure prophylaxis shots (which I would laugh my ass off at).
Trust me, jackass, I worked at Animal Control last summer and got to go on all sorts of calls with the officers, whether it be feral kitten trapping, rabid skunk trapping, picking up loose dogs, removing dogs from overheated cars, etc. Of course the suspected rabid animals had to be put down, but all of the stray cats and kittens and other domesticated animals were brought to either the MSPCA or the Animal Rescue League and put up for ADOPTION.
You’re a sick, sick excuse for a human being, Adam.
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10:08 pm
CAT!!!
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1:55 pm
This surgery happened in London. It does nothing to make the cat “better, faster, stronger”. They are simply prosthetic legs. Maybe you should stop watching re-runs of bad 70s shows and pick up a science book.
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4:33 pm
Do you know anything about this cat? You clearly don’t. It lost it’s legs when it was ran over with a tractor. The feet are there so the poor thing can walk. Are you really so afraid of Chinese people that you think CATS are out to kill you?
Before you make these disgustingly blind claims, you should look up the story. The surgery on this cat was preformed in America.
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8:37 pm
I don’t fucking get you people who writes these bad stuff about us (I’m Chinese), how the fuck do you know what the fuck I’m like? So stop going around writing bad stuff about us and just fuck off bitch. And this cat was saved by England, SAVED, ok? I’m pretty sure the creator of this site just wanted to say shit about other nationalities, so fuck you Amber, and fuck this site.
U noe u <3 me~
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9:37 pm
This has to be a joke. The author here is clearly ignorant of what this image truly depicts.
‘Amber’ or whatever your name really is… those are Prosthetic legs. If you are really so naive to believe this is ‘Chinese’ evil, then apparently you don’t even live anywhere on this planet.
Not only are Prosthetic limbs used in the countries like China but OH… in the United States as well. Fake limbs for animals have been around for a long time now. Do some reading: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosthetic
This is why so many people reject religion and refer to church-goers as religious fanatics. Unrealistic views and unforgiving mentalities. Your lack of sympathy for the animal in general sends chills down my spine. That cat had some kind of horrible accident. You suggest instead killing all cats because of some paranoid belief of a ‘Chinese Cyborg Cat Sleeper Army?’
Wooooow. I believe one day your judgements in life will rain down upon you in your moment of death. You will realize that your selfish religious propaganda has damned you in whatever afterlife exists for you. Those of us who show compassion and love, even in the form of developing artificial limbs is far beyond your nay-saying and finger pointing.
How about this? You go drive yourself into a tree, hopefully you will lose an arm or a leg as a result. Then you should refuse the doctors to sew it shut with their ‘evil’ modern medicine and science. And after that refuse to be fitted with an artificial limb that could allow you some what walk again or an arm that could look real enough to at least not make people stare at you. How about that? How about we petition to have they take that cats artifical legs away so it has to look pathetic and suffer while it tries to drag itself around on it’s two front legs.
You are both cruel and ill informed. Stop writing crap like this, it’s both embarrassing for the rest of the nation to be associated with someone so stupid and it’s also you throwing a stone.
Rest in pieces you twat.
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